After Thanksgiving was over and done with, the author decided to skip ahead to March, since that was the next time that anything interesting was going to happen.

Yes, granted, there was that business with a giant woodland creature rave where all the deer and bears and bunnies and birds and hippopotamuses swarmed the school for an enormous house music festival in the middle of February, and several students were put into the infirmary as a result of raving too hard, raving not hard enough, or coming into close contact with people raging too hard or hyped-up hippopotamuses whose huge honking hooves made the floor and walls shake (or maybe that was just the booming bass that made the hippos shake, but on purpose). Either way, most of the damage was cleaned up by the middle of March, with the only remnant being Albus's sulking in his office at being the fourth-best raver at the giant Hogwarts woodland creature rave.

"It should've been me," Albus says, hands still shaking from the amphetamines he'd consumed a month ago. "A bunny? A pigeon? A hippo? Ha! None parties harder than Albus!"

He pours himself a glass of water and drinks deeply.

"Although," he admits, smacking his lips, "that pigeon was pretty hype. And a hippo doing five kegstands at once is hard to beat."

While the headmaster is coming down from his party high, a plot is being hatched in the first-year boys dormitory of the Gryffindor tower.

"Alright, Malfoy," Ron barks. "What've you got for me?"

Draco pushs his mirrored sunglasses up his nose. "Granger, Zabini, and Bulstrode, all in the library. I think they're going to make their move soon."

"But what move is it?" Ron muses. "Any ideas, Malfoy?"

Draco shakes his head. "I'm drawing a blank. Which is annoying, as I should be drawing the opposite of a blank."

"Right," Ron agrees. "We need to set up a sting operation, but where?"

"When did you two become junior detectives, anyway?" Theo asks.

"HOLY SHIT!" Ron and Draco yelp in unison, spinning around to look at him. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?"

Theo scowls at them. "It's Saturday. I was sleeping in until you woke me up with your whole wannabe cops thing."

Draco lowers his sunglasses to look at him forbiddingly. "You trying to threaten us, Nott?"

"Do I look like Neville?" Theo asks sarcastically. "Just go somewhere else if you're gonna be amateur sleuths. I have some homework that I'd like to finish today so that my Sunday's free."

Draco returns his sunglasses so they cover his eyes. "I'm watching you."

"Perv," Theo returns.

And on that note, Draco and Ron exit the Gryffindor dorms.

"So who's good cop and who's bad cop this time?" Ron asks.

Draco stares at him. "I'm the one with the badass sunglasses. I'm obviously the bad cop."

"But I've got the red hair and the short fuse," Ron counters. "I should be the bad cop."

"Please," Draco scoffs. "You're about as threatening as a declawed kitten with really fluffy hair."

"Am not!" Ron shoots back. "I have claws!"

"Yeah, but they're, like, tiny. They're not going to rend any flesh."

"Well maybe I could rend a jugular and someone could bleed to death!"

"What, are they anemic?"

"Maybe! You don't know!"

"And how are you even going to get up to the jugular anyway?"

"...you could lift me up?"

Draco raised his sunglasses to look in Ron's eyes. "Face it, Weasley. I'm the bad cop, and you're the good cop." He dramatically returned his sunglasses to obscure his eyes. "Deal with it."

"Oh, I've dealt," Ron says. "But deal with this: I'm the bad cop here!"

"No, you're not," Draco says calmly.

"Are too!"

"Are not."

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too are too!"

"Are not."

"Are too times infinity and a half!"

"Half an infinity or half of one?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, either way...you're not."

It's at that moment that they cross the threshold of the library, prepared to sneak up on Hermione and her friends. Unfortunately, Ron's loud are-toos outside have distracted most of the people in the library, and several students are staring at them as they enter, including their targets.

So, of course, the duo act as all Gryffindors would and stride up to Hermione's table.

"Granger," Draco says frostily. "We need to talk."

"It's nothing important," Ron says, also frosty. "We just have some questions we need answered."

"Yeah," Draco agrees. "We need them answered, now."

"So how about you cooperate," Ron says. "We wouldn't want to have to make a threat."

"Yeah," Draco says. "And then follow up on it."

"You do realize for good cop, bad cop to work one of you has to be the good cop, right?" Blaise asks.

Draco and Ron blink. "How did you know we were doing good cop bad cop?"

"Actually, it's more like incompetent cop, incompetent cop," Millicent says. "Also, you two are pretty obviously the Junior Detective club, and you've been trying to secretly follow us around since we came back to school."

"Because you're obviously up to something!" Draco says. "Duh!"

"Yeah, studying," Hermione says pointedly. "Something you two could stand to do more of."

"Nobody studies in January!" Ron says. "You're up to something, and we're going to find out what!"

"I study in January!" Hermione says offendedly. "Maybe you'd be doing better in class if you did!"

"We have respectable B- averages!" Draco shoots back. "And nobody looks at your grades before fifth year anyway!"

Hermione sniffs. "Good study habits now set the foundation for good study habits later."

"There's a difference between good habits and obsessive behavior," Millicent points out.

"I said I'm working on it," Hermione says testily. "Blaise."

Blaise raises his hands defensively. "I didn't say anything."

"Yes, but you wanted her to say something," Hermione says.

"Wanting something and getting it are two different things," Blaise says.

"Well why can't we get what we want?" Ron interjects.

"What do you want?" Millicent asks.

"We want...information," Draco says dramatically.

"Information?" Blaise asks.

"Information," Ron intones.

"Who are you?" Hermione asks.

Everyone stares at her, confused.

"Oh, are we not doing that?" Hermione asks. "I thought we were doing that.

"Doing what?" Blaise asks.

"The Prisoner," Hermione says.

"Who's the prisoner?" Draco and Ron ask.

"It's an old TV show," Millicent says. "And we're not telling you anything!"

"Oh yeah?" Ron asks.

"Yeah!" Hermione says.

"Yeah?" Draco asks.

"Yeah!" Millicent says.

"They're trying to figure out what's in the third-floor corridor," Dudley says as he walks past.

Millicent, Hermione, and Blaise stare after him with looks of complete and utter befuddlement on their faces.

Ron claps his hands together. "So. The third-floor corridor, huh?"