Card the moon
Chapter 23 – Marching in circles
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When life has no consequences, you stop asking 'should I do this' and start asking, 'how can I pull this off?'
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"Does your over inflated head make it difficult for you to hear!"
"Greasy git," Ron grumbled.
"A little less greasy in just a moment," Harry muttered, throwing the last ingredient into the cauldron hidden under his desk and stirring three times clockwise.
"What is that?" his friend asked while discreetly 'not' looking at it.
"Just a little something the help clear up the complexion of our favorite professor," Harry said with an evil grin. "Let me know when he's by the Slytherins."
"Just about, almost… now! He's right by Malfoy, his backs to us."
Taking his stirring rod from the viscous yellow goop he flicked a small bit into the unobserved cauldron near Malfoy before shoving the whole thing well out of sight before the fireworks started.
His timing couldn't have been better. Snape bent over to examine the tainted cauldron when the whole thing exploded right in his face, covering his whole head in a clear gelatinous mass.
Chaos erupted.
All of Slytherin abandoned their cauldrons and surrounded Snape. They didn't actually help though. None of them appeared to have any idea what they should do, and no one was brave enough to be the first.
The gel began to foam and bubble as they dithered till at last it was Daphne Greengrass who took action. Drawing her wand, she blasted the foaming gunk with a watering charm.
This proved both the right and the wrong thing to do. It successfully removed the mass, but it also revealed its effect.
"Oh my!"
"Sweet Merlin!"
"He's—he's!"
Demanding a mirror, he nearly dropped it when he saw, "Where—where is my HAIR!"
This was too much for the chortling Gryffindors. The room exploded in laughter, and Snape exploded in hissing, spitting fury.
"Did you see his face? Merlin what I would have given for a camera," Ron crowed as they fled the dungeon and it's no longer greasy, git.
"You think it'll grow back?" wondered Lavender.
"Eventually," said Harry.
"Not too soon I hope," said Ron.
It'd be back by the next day, Harry knew, because tomorrow would again be today, as it had been for the last ten days. Six of which he'd spent more time in the library than in class, looking for a way to pull that prank off.
Worth it.
"Mrow."
Despite his elation, Ron was still not pleased to see Luna, but Harry was still smiling when he carried her away.
"You're in a chipper mood," she observed.
"Just had a very good potions lesson, that's all."
"That so?" her tone betrayed her skepticism; the stare was just overkill.
Harry just kept grinning. "Even had enough time to whip up a little something for our next encounter," he said, holding up a small vial full of an angry looking red liquid.
"What is that?"
"Just the most powerful explosive you can cook up from the ingredients in the standard potion kit."
It shouldn't have surprised him to find there were honest to Merlin explosive potions, after all, how many cauldrons had he seen exploded just by accident.
"You mind my asking what you're planning to use that on?" the cat queried, squirming worriedly in his arms.
"Where did you say this youma was?"
…
"Harry Potter sirs, is time to get up."
"I know," said Harry.
He'd been through it enough times; he knew the drill. This was where it always started, with Dobby tugging on his foot, telling him it was time to get up. Not the worst way to start the morning, especially with how the last loop had ended.
"Dobby, I learned something yesterday."
"Yes, Harry Potter sirs?"
"If I'm going to play around with explosives, I need to be more aware of their strength, and not be standing right next to them when they go off." That was how the last loop ended.
He was pretty sure he'd gotten the youma, but he was also pretty sure he'd broken several bones, possibly pierced a few vital organs, and learned yet another new way to say 'ouch'. It involved a lot of wheezing and S sounds.
"Perhaps Harry Potter sirs should not be playing with explosives," the elf offered helpfully.
"You think," it wasn't a total disaster; it worked.
But perhaps Dobby was right, there were lots of other ways to destroy a youma or prank a Snape. Though he'd be hard pressed to beat the look on his face after removing all his hair. Hmm.
"Challenge accepted."
…
"How'd you do it?"
"Do what?"
"You know what?"
"I'm sure I don't."
Ron stared at him petulantly, it was a look he did surprisingly well. "Fine, don't tell me then."
"You'll tell me though, right Harry?" asked Lavender, batting her eye lashes and giving him her cutest look.
"Well that's different ain't it."
"Traitor!"
The Gryffindor third year cohort, minus Hermione, laughed at this exclamation. He wouldn't really tell them, not for all the prodding or flirting in the world. It had taken him two weeks to master the spell work, besides, what good would it do them knowing? They'd forget tomorrow today anyway.
"Mrow."
"Hello Luna."
"My but we are chipper," the cat observed, as she so often did. "Care to share."
"Oh, nothing, nothing at all."
"Uh huh, pull the other one," the feline quipped.
"Your tail."
"Not if you want to keep your hands."
He chortled at the idle threat… at least he thought it was idle.
"So, how's that youma."
"Too obvious for my liking. It can't hide to save its life."
"Probably more focused on the fighting then, wouldn't you say."
"I would say as a matter of fact."
"Well, this should be fun then."
"Are you sure you're up to it? I can get Hermione if you think you can't."
"Nonsense, nonsense. You asked me to help you help Hermione, and Harry Potter is no one's coward."
"You know being stupid is not the same as being brave."
"I did not know that, and I still don't."
"What has gotten into you today. When did you become so—silly?"
"Don't know what you mean."
"I don't believe you."
She shouldn't either.
…
"Now that is just—I'm at a loss for words."
"I can think of a few," hilarious for one.
"No more. Please! No more!"
"Oh no, there will be more," Harry cackled madly, after all, wasn't every day he reduced a big bad youma to tears.
"When did you even have time to learn all those spells. I'm certain I've never seen you use that ice spell. And the friction one, and the bumpers."
Through a series of spells, Harry had created a square rink of ice with exactly zero friction, and bumpers on all four sides that kept pushing the youma back every time she got to the edge. It was hilarious to watch as the complete lack of friction made it impossible for her to gain any kind of traction to apply her massive strength to her imprisonment.
"Please! I'm sorry!" the youma wailed.
"Are you ready to talk then?" asked Harry.
Torturing youma was fun and all, but he didn't do it 'just' for giggles.
"I can't," she cried. "They'll kill me."
"And I'll just leave you in here. Which is worse?"
"Please! Please!"
"Whadaya think?"
"She's been like this for ten minutes," said Luna. "Give her another ten. See if she changes her mind."
"Works for me."
"Noooooooooooo!"
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeees!"
He'd make her crack, if not in this loop then in the next, or the next. He had time; he'd find a way. He'd been at it five weeks and he finally felt like he was getting the hang of it. He was still a little worried about what was causing it, but that could wait. Literally.
"Ready to talk?"
"Pleeeeeease!"
Harry chortled wickedly, "Take your time. I'm in no rush. I got all the time in the world."