Author's Note:
Official song of this chapter is "Cry" by Ashnikko feat. Grimes, lol.

XXXV.

The first week of their holiday was… strained, to say the least.

Cassandra was unnervingly good at putting on a façade in front of the boys though— she would kiss Narcissa on the cheek every morning at breakfast and smile and laugh with their kids, and then the second they were out of the room her expression would just… drop. It was actually rather unnerving to witness, but at least Bellatrix seemed to get some amusement out of it, as every time she watched Cassandra pull away from Narcissa this slow smirk would curl the edges of her lips as she allowed her eyes to linger a little too long on the one fucking person she shouldn't be staring at.

The thing of it was that Narcissa knew her sister was goading her. She wanted Narcissa to notice how she looked at Cassandra now; she wanted her to wonder, she wanted her to be paranoid, and Narcissa hated herself for playing right into Bellatrix's hands. The problem was, she wouldn't put it past her sister to do either of those things— either fuck Cassandra, or make it seem like she was just to fuck with her, and Narcissa not knowing which one was the truth was starting to drive her a little bit insane as the two weeks of Christmas leave drew nearer to a close.

Narcissa had tried to distract herself with her son; she doted on Draco while he was home for the holidays, but the problem was that Draco did not want to be fussed over. At all. He kept telling her that she needed to stop treating him like a child and that he was fine, and that if she kept acting weird then even Goyle, despite being 'thick in the head', would notice and wonder why. He wanted space, and Narcissa hated every second of it, especially after Bellatrix told her that she had gotten it out of him that during his last Hogsmeade trip he had tried to send some cursed object to Dumbledore and nearly killed a girl in the process. She was worried about him, as that was such a stupid, reckless thing for him to do, and it made her wonder how much faith Draco had in his original plan of getting Death Eaters into Hogwarts.

Cassandra would not speak to her outside of the minimal interaction they needed to have in front of their children as they both put on a happy face and tried to convince them that everything was alright. Narcissa had tried talking to her, as she knew she had messed up and wanted to fix it by doing what she had promised and failed to do before. Cassandra did not care though; she apparently no longer trusted that her girlfriend's words were genuine, and her terse declaration that they would 'talk' once the boys were back at Hogwarts left an awful feeling or foreboding in the pit of Narcissa's stomach, as she believed she was fairly close to being broken up with.

Bellatrix, of course, was beyond herself with glee. This was probably the happiest Narcissa had seen her in ages, and it was awful because of course the only thing that would make her sister happy would be her pain. Narcissa knew that finding out about her and Cassandra's relationship had shredded Bellatrix, but this was going beyond something that she could handle, and Narcissa spent many nights silently crying herself to sleep while her girlfriend laid next to her and did not offer her a single word of comfort.

Christmas was only two days away, the leave of their children only five away now, and Narcissa couldn't take it anymore. She refused to let Cassandra just leave her when she was fairly certain with the way Bellatrix was acting that something very bad was going on behind her back, and so Narcissa decided to make a reckless decision of her own as she talked both of the boys into staying at the Crabbe's for a night, as she knew it would be easy to at least talk her son into having a little bit of space from her, and that Gregory would do whatever he was told by Draco. Once that was out of the way and the boys were gone, Narcissa told her girlfriend and her sister that she was going out to do some last minute Christmas shopping, as she had forgotten a couple things the last time she went out, and that she would be back in a couple hours.

Narcissa left, but she did not stay out long.

She knew this was stupid, but she just… she had to know, and giving the two of them a chance to be alone together would solidify what was going on either way, as Narcissa knew that her sister at least wouldn't pass up an opportunity to do something like this if she thought she could get away with it. Cassandra might have some objections, sure, but if they already were sharing a bed together then Narcissa doubted it would last long, considering she had seen with her own eyes how easy it was for Bellatrix to get Cassandra to obey when she was broken.

The worst part about this entire thing though was that Narcissa no longer knew if she even wanted it to not be true, because if it wasn't then Cassandra had every right to tell her to fuck off and to leave her, and Narcissa didn't want that. She wanted Cassandra to be just as fucked up as she was so that the woman didn't have a leg to stand on as she tried to abandon her. All of this was sick, honestly, and Narcissa hated herself for trying to trap another person into a toxic relationship, yet there was this delusional part of her that was trying to convince her that if she just got Cassandra to stay with her, then eventually everything would go back to how it was, and they would be happy again.

But maybe, in the end, none of them were destined for happiness.

Narcissa had always been able to barely make a sound when she apparated, so she wasn't worried that the two women would hear her when she came back to the manor. Narcissa stilled herself and listened, trying to figure out where either of them were. Hearing nothing on the first floor, Narcissa began to slowly climb the stairs, and that was when she heard it.

They didn't even bother to close Cassandra's bedroom door, which either made them very stupid, very arrogant, or very fucking masochistic as maybe some part of them wanted to get caught. Bellatrix did, at the very least— she had been goading her for a reason, after all, and Narcissa knew her sister would get some sick satisfaction in her catching them, because that was… that was what this was; there wasn't any lingering doubts anymore, no more concern that it was paranoia, as there was only one bloody reason the two of them would be breathing that fucking heavily in a room together. Narcissa didn't even have to see them to know, and everything inside of her tightened to the point of suffocation as Narcissa gripped the banister of the stairwell, a myriad of conflicting feelings hitting her all at once as she struggled to breathe.

It was fury, it was devastation, it was betrayal, it was satisfaction; it was a cruel sense of victory because neither of them could take the high road with her now, so fuck them; fuck them and their feelings because now Narcissa knew that neither of them cared about hers— and yet at the same maddening time she was also feeling hatred, sadness, jealousy, bitterness, and just… pain. God, it was so much fucking pain that Narcissa couldn't believe she had allowed herself to love either of these women, yet she climbed the rest of the stairs as if in a daze, finding herself in the threshold of the doorway as she watched her sister fuck her girlfriend atop the bed that she shared with Cassandra.

Neither of them noticed she was there at first, as Narcissa hadn't made a sound. She just watched them, unable to speak or move as her insides twisted with nausea. Cassandra was on all fours with Bellatrix behind her, a strap on attached to the older woman's groin as she wrapped her hand around Cassandra's long hair, practically wrenching her head back as she encouraged the other woman to be submissive for her. In that moment, Narcissa had never hated her girlfriend's ability to be whatever she bloody needed to be for people sexually, because she knew Bellatrix was getting off on the power of controlling something Narcissa loved more than anything.

"Beg me, Kitten," Bellatrix hissed in her ear, allowing the phallus to slide between the woman's legs as she pressed it teasingly against Cassandra's clit and oh, were they just starting then? Lucky sodding her— good thing Narcissa didn't miss the fucking show; what a goddamn tragedy that would have been.

Narcissa's chest was heaving in anger as she allowed that to become the dominant emotion she felt as she just stood there and watched the two of them like some kind of masochist fucking idiot. Cassandra was practically whimpering in Bellatrix's grasp and Narcissa hated how turned on her girlfriend looked; she was actually enjoying being bedded by a woman who despised her, and Narcissa's insides churned as she noticed how bloody wet and wanton she was.

"Please— please, Daddy…"

Oh, what the fuck.

Narcissa was certain she had never been so horrified by something in her entire life, and that was saying something considering she could get off on quite a lot. The 'Kitten' thing… fine, whatever, Bellatrix was a cunt and would no doubt use a nickname to try to manipulate Cassandra into thinking she gave a shit, or that she was special or whatever— but Cassandra calling her 'Daddy'? For fuck's sake— while she wasn't surprised her sister got off on something like that because of course she would, it just sounded so…

Ugh.

Bellatrix growled in approval of the disgusting term of address, her tongue snaking out to lick a long line from the base of Cassandra's neck to her ear. "Fuck, oh my God—" Cassandra groaned as Bellatrix slid inside of her, but that was when Bellatrix let go of her hair and Cassandra crumpled forwards on her elbows, panting as she threw her tousled mane over her shoulder, her gaze landing on the other side of the room where Narcissa stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest with a dangerous look in her eyes.

Cassandra practically choked on her breath as she immediately pushed herself up into a seated position, nearly causing Bellatrix to topple over as she instinctively wrapped an arm around Cassandra's chest to steady herself as she swore, "What the fuck—" But then she followed Cassandra's gaze, her eyes landing on her sister, and the bitch fucking smiled.

Cassandra, however, for how badly she seemed intent on hurting Narcissa by doing this, suddenly looked a little terrified by the backlash this was going to entail. She froze, her eyes wide and her breathing uneven, Bellatrix's fucking cock still inside of her, and Narcissa stared her dead in the eyes as she told her, "Oh, finish— I insist."

Bellatrix laughed, bitterly amused that Narcissa actually hoped to shame them with something as ridiculous as that. "You think I won't?"

"I wasn't talking to you," Narcissa responded, her gaze never leaving Cassandra's. "I already know you will— I just want to see if she will."

Something sickening and cruel was rising up within her, and in that moment, Narcissa so desperately wished to make Cassandra feel like shit for doing this, because she knew the woman had too much of a conscience to find some sick satisfaction in continuing to fuck in front of her like Bellatrix would. Her sister would be dealt with in time though— for now, Narcissa was going to take the opportunity to hurt Cassandra first, as already how guilty the woman looked made it far too easy.

"Well? Go on. Entertain me."

Cassandra's breathing had shallowed considerably though, and she had gone horribly pale. She shook her head, trying to push Bellatrix off of her so that she wouldn't be in such a vulnerable position anymore. "Jesus— no. No, get off me. I'm not fuckin'—"

"Do it!" Narcissa screamed, losing control over her emotions as a fierce hatred burned in the pit of her stomach. Cassandra froze. How dare her, honestly. How dare she fucking act like she had any right to act slighted or hurt by Narcissa's relationship with Bellatrix when she was practically doing the exact same thing. "What, you can fuck my sister behind my back but not in front of my face? Do it!"

Cassandra's expression crumbled at those words and Bellatrix gently raked her nails across the woman's breasts, her lips being pressed to her ear. "This was what you wanted, remember?" she breathed, causing Narcissa's chest to hollow out as she exhaled another breath, suddenly remembering with vivid clarity that this had been Cassandra's idea. "This is what she deserves, Kitten— all she gives you is lies, at least I've always been up front with you…"

"Yeah, you're a real fucking catch, 'Daddy'— God, your dick complex is such a fucking cliché it's embarrassing," Narcissa snapped at her sister, at least managing to piss Bellatrix off with those words because they both knew it was true. Still, in the end Narcissa was barely bothering with her sister, because how she planned to torture Bellatrix and how she planned to torture Cassandra were two very different things. Narcissa continued to look at her girlfriend though, telling her dangerously, "If you make me repeat myself again, so fucking help me—"

Bellatrix let go of the other woman then and Cassandra fell to her elbows again, bent over as Bellatrix thoroughly enjoyed herself at least as she wasted no time grabbing her hips and barreling into the woman as though this little show made her feel prideful as she consumed herself with spite and revenge. Idiot. She was going to regret this as much as Cassandra; she just didn't know it yet.

Cassandra wouldn't meet her gaze though. Her eyes were shining with anger and devastation and she might have done what Narcissa asked and allowed Bellatrix to continue fucking her, but she suddenly didn't seem very into it which was pissing Narcissa off further because all it did was make her look like this sad little victim who was just getting penetrated and used, and that was the last bloody thing Narcissa knew she was, because this was her fucking idea.

"Oh, no. You aren't getting off that easy— Look at me, Cass. Look at me while she fucks you!" Narcissa demanded, coming a little closer to them as she stared directly at Cassandra, practically ignoring Bellatrix considering all her sister wanted was attention anyway, so fuck her. "This was what you wanted, wasn't it?" she pressed, repeating Bellatrix's words. "This was your idea— your choice! Have some fucking pride in your stupid little revenge plot at least— look at me!"

"You know, this is actually kind of a hot look on you, Cissy—" Bellatrix chuckled bitterly as she continued to fuck Cassandra with absolutely no shame. God, Narcissa hated her for that. She hated her for quite a lot of things right now, but that most of all.

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up— I'll deal with you after, so I'd enjoy this while it lasts if I were you."

Bellatrix smirked cruelly, her fingers digging into the younger woman's hips. "Oh, believe me, I will."

"Cassandra!" Narcissa barked, as the woman still wasn't doing what she fucking asked, but suddenly something snapped inside of the other woman and she whipped her head towards her, her expression contorting in rage as her gaze met Narcissa's.

"No, she's right— you do, you do fuckin' deserve this!" she shouted, her chest heaving and eyes shining in upset. "Fuck you, Narcissa— why is it one rule for you an' another for the rest of us? You can fuck her; you can fuck her over an' over but I can't? What kind of backwards arse fuckin' logic is— shit," she gasped, cutting herself off mid-rant as Bellatrix barreled into her harder. Cassandra's entire expression changed and then and okay, Narcissa was enjoying this a bit less now.

"Y'know what?" she purred, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she looked back at Bellatrix, the two of them sharing a look that Narcissa was horrified to notice looked practically identical. She reached back then, spreading herself for the other woman as she begged in a sultry tone, "Fuck it. Fuck me, Bellatrix; if that's what she wants, make me come— make me come in front of her…"

Oh hell no.

"Get the fuck off of her!" Narcissa shouted at her sister, done with this little game now that Cassandra wasn't playing by the rules that she had originally set down. Bellatrix just laughed though, content on ignoring her and obliging Cassandra's wish, but Narcissa blacked out in rage and made certain that Bellatrix was going to stop as she strode up to them both, cocked her fist back, and rammed it right into her sister's face as she remembered with vivid fucking clarity how satisfying Muggle violence could feel sometimes.

Bellatrix hadn't been expecting that kind of reaction and it easily knocked her off balance, effectively tearing her from Cassandra. But right as the other woman righted herself to look back at the damage Narcissa had caused her newfound lover, the blonde turned right around and backhanded Cassandra so hard that she toppled onto the mattress into a crumpled heap.

"What the fuck— I get a punch but she just gets the back of your hand?! You fucking cunt, Cissy—" Bellatrix spat, wiping underneath her nose that was now covered in blood. Good. Narcissa hope she broke it, mostly because she knew Bellatrix was shit at healing and would need her to fix it for her.

"You can take a punch, you bitch— now get out!"

Bellatrix exhaled a throaty laugh. "I'm not going anywhere—"

But Narcissa wasn't playing around. She wasn't going to deal with them at the same time otherwise she might just snap and murder them both, honestly. She strode right up to her sister and grabbed her arm, her grip so tight that her fingernails were digging into Bellatrix's skin as she practically pulled her towards the door, the woman still bare arse naked with a cock attached to her and blood all over her face. Narcissa didn't care; at least the kids weren't home.

"You're next," Narcissa seethed, her eyes blackening in rage. "I'd deal with you first but I know you want this bloody drama— she doesn't, and she'll fucking run if I give her a chance to. Now get the fuck out, Bellatrix— You think this is a hot look on me? Then be an obedient little bitch and wait your bloody turn."

Narcissa practically shoved her out of the door then, fully aware that Bellatrix would still probably be on the other side listening but whatever— at least Narcissa wouldn't have to deal with her mouth. She slammed the door in Bellatrix's face then, at least knowing her sister well enough to know that she was getting off on this, and that despite everything, Bellatrix had a hard on for her when she was angry and demanding which would be the only reason why she would obey her; at least for the time being.

When Narcissa rounded on Cassandra the woman had angry tears in her eyes, the back of her hand being pressed to her fat lip— one of Narcissa's rings had cut her, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the damage to Bellatrix's face.

"Are you happy yet?" Narcissa seethed, her chest heaving in upset as she stared at yet another person she loved who broke her. "You wanted me to treat you like Bellatrix, didn't you? Well come on then, jump up on our merry-go-round of knives you fucking cunt— I hope you enjoy being shredded just like the rest of us, because this is what Bella and I are. Are you enjoying being a priority yet; because that is the real reason I wanted to deal with your first— I wanted you to get what you think you deserve; it's only fair, right?"

Cassandra laughed bitterly as she hoisted herself off the bed, a tear falling from her eye as she stared at the woman who had already shredded her a long time ago. "Don't you fuckin' dare stand there an' pretend I have ever been a priority for you!" she shouted, gathering her clothes from off the ground. "All I've ever been to you is an escape from her so you could feel like you weren't an incestuous fuckin' slag for five bloody seconds! Do you have any idea how that made me feel? God, I loved you, you fuckin' bitch; I loved you and you used me!"

"Don't you fucking past tense your bullshit with me, Cassandra— you still fucking love me so you better own that because, again, this is what my love entails when you get put first; I hope it's everything you bloody hoped it would be."

Cassandra looked at her like she was disgusted by the very sight of her. "You're unbelievable," she spat, throwing her shirt over her head. "You can't just fuckin' act like this toxic bullshit is your baseline— do you forget who I am? You were someone so much different, so much fuckin' better when she wasn't around, an' now because you decided you'd rather be weak an' pathetic I gotta be robbed of the woman I love, an' I'm fuckin' sick of it!"

"Oh, the woman you love?" Narcissa spat furiously, getting in her face. "Is this what you fucking do to someone you love? You cheated on me, you bitch, and you don't even feel sorry about it!"

"Actually, I'm pretty goddamn sure that I didn't— last I checked, we were free to fuck other people, weren't we?" Cassandra challenged, not allowing Narcissa to intimidate her as she looked down at her. "We've slept with our own husbands during our relationship, we shared yours— You fuck Bellatrix all the time, yet suddenly it's a problem when I do it? Seems a bit fuckin' hypocritical, don't ya think?"

"Bellatrix is different!" Narcissa screeched before she could think better of it, her insides twisting in despair because seeing them together probably fucked her up for all the wrong reasons. "I would've given you anything, anyone— I gave you Lucius, wasn't that enough?! You did this on purpose because you knew how I would feel about it— you know I didn't want you touching her because she's mine! Bellatrix is my property, Cassandra, and you or anyone else doesn't have a fucking right to her no matter what you bloody think! She barely even has a right to herself anymore!"

Cassandra's jaw tensed and, alright, perhaps that came out sounding a bit psychotic and possessive and circa twenty-five bloody years ago, but it was the truth. It had always been the truth, as disgusting as it was. "So you're jealous because I fucked her, but not because she fucked me?" she questioned and, Jesus, Narcissa wished Cassandra didn't sound so goddamn gutted by that because it was making Narcissa feel like shit for just blurting that insanity out. "An' you fuckin' wonder why I know you consider me second best next to that psycho—"

"Don't fucking put words in my mouth," Narcissa snapped, because her psychotic jealousy over her sister was not the only thing that she felt right now. "Do you think I liked watching her touch you? It makes me sick just thinking about it; Bellatrix might be mine but she's a fucking corruption and you— you who I considered to be so bloody perfect and beyond anything that I ever deserved… God, I look at you now, and I don't even recognize you. I hate her— I fucking hate her for that! She took the only goddamn thing that was bringing me happiness lately and she destroyed it, but you let her, Cassandra— you bent right the fuck over and let her!"

"Oh, because it's all about your happiness, isn't it?!" Cassandra furiously countered, tears welling up in her eyes again. "You, who always has to get everything your way— God, why didn't you just let me go?!" she shrieked, looking devastated. "I tried to get away from you, I knew you would destroy me but instead of lettin' me walk away you pulled me right back in 'cause you realized I was gettin' tired of bein' on the back burner an' you figured it'd just be easier to placate me than allow me freedom— but that's the fuckin' thing, isn't it? I haven't actually moved from that bloody back burner, have I? I'm still nothin' more than a sodding back up for you. God, I can't believe I let you pull me back in with your bullshit lies an' your false fuckin' promises, I can't believe I actually believed you when ya told me you loved me—"

Narcissa's eyes ignited in fury for the woman even daring to imply that she didn't, and before she could think better of it she slapped Cassandra right across the face— albeit, a lot less hard than the first time she had put her hands on her. The younger woman hissed, holding her stinging cheek.

"Don't you ever insinuate that my love for you isn't genuine; don't you fucking dare!" Narcissa shouted, deeply insulted by that. If she didn't love Cassandra, then this wouldn't bloody hurt so much!

"Stop fuckin' hittin' me, you psycho! 'Cause I'm about three seconds from hittin' you right the fuck back an' considering I'm significantly fuckin' bigger you'll end up on your sodding arse!"

That was… probably very true, to be fair. Cassandra could throw her clear across the bloody room if she wanted to, and Narcissa really didn't want to push her luck in that regard. God, she was just— she was just so used to fighting with Bellatrix like this, and unfortunately violence had always been a part of their arguments; it was just the way they were. It was sick, this whole thing was sick and yet Narcissa didn't know how to stop herself from regressing into the woman she used to be when confronted with something like this because it made her feel so very out of control.

Everything was falling apart. Everything Narcissa valued was crumbling before her eyes and she didn't know how to make it stop— she was starting to feel so goddamn overwhelmed and helpless, and before she knew it Narcissa was crying because she didn't know if there was any coming back from this for them. "God, I wanted us to be different!" she sobbed, devastated and infuriated as she pushed herself away from Cassandra, practically crumpling against the wall. She slid down it slowly, defeatedly, resting on her haunches as she put her face in her hands. She had been so, so happy— they had been happy, and now… "We should have been different…"

"Don't act like you don't know why we're not," Cassandra told her, her own eyes welling up with tears as she looked down at the woman she loved so desperately, but never felt like she was enough for. "'Cause there's only one common factor in all your bloody relationships, Cissa, an' we both know who that is."

"Fine, this is my fault, does that make it better?!" Narcissa screeched, looking up at the woman in disbelief. "I know I fucked up, okay? I know I was fucking up every time I chose her over you, but I just thought that maybe if I was honest about Bellatrix this time, if you just knew that despite everything she would always be a permanent fixture in my life, that it wouldn't be a bloody repeat of Lucius—"

"Honest?!" Cassandra exclaimed, scoffing at her audacity. "Cissa, you lied to my fuckin' face not too long ago when you told me I was gonna be your bloody priority, that you cared enough to put me first for once because you saw that I was fuckin' shattering, an' not six goddamn hours later you were fuckin' her in my house an' then lied to me about that too!"

"Oh, don't fucking stand there and pretend like you deserved my love and attention then, when you and I both know that your sodding breakdown was being exacerbated because you were fucking my sister and felt guilty about it!" Narcissa shouted, because she understood now why Cassandra had been crying, why she had said that she didn't deserve her. This wasn't just a one off— they had been fucking each other for at least a couple weeks now, depending on how long it took them to fall into bed with one another while Bellatrix was living with her.

"I was honest with you from the beginning," Narcissa reminded her, because she had been. "You knew exactly what you were getting into and I even told you — despite my better goddamn judgment because I know me sleeping with Bellatrix the second I went back to her after she found out about us was what started your little downward spiral — what had happened between us because I didn't want you to feel blindsided by it. I love you, Cass, but I love her too— even if it's bad for me, even if it's a mess and probably a little psychotic, but I can't stop. I don't know how, and I don't… I don't know where that leaves us, because I don't know if you're ever going to accept it."

Cassandra sat heavily on the edge of the bed, looking so terribly defeated as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I never cared that you were sleepin' with someone else, even if it was your bloody sister— I was fine with our relationship not bein' monogamous; I wanted loyalty, but from your heart, not from your cunt. Sex is so… it doesn't even fuckin' matter, honestly. What hurt was the fact that you didn't love us the same— you've always loved her more than me…"

"I didn't, I don't," Narcissa tried to convince her, but Cassandra just laughed bitterly.

"Yeah. Ya do. An' it… it fucked me up, Cissa. I tried so bloody hard to be everythin' ya needed, but I wasn't. You got some fucked up part inside of you who needs that, even though ya know it's bad for you an' makin' you worse, an' maybe… I dunno, in some backwards fuckin' way that's why I did this. Maybe I wanted to be like her; thought it would be easier that way, if I could be just the good an' the bad that you need."

"It's not an excuse," Cassandra continued quickly as she looked at the woman across from her. "I know what I did was shitty. Me havin' some bloody breakdown doesn't excuse the fact that I went outta my way to hurt you, an' I'm sorry about that. I shoulda just talked to you, but I think I was just so fuckin' afraid that if I told you I wasn't happy, that this shit was just… shredding my self-esteem, that… that you wouldn't really care. That you'd just tell me that you'd fix it, but nothin' would ever change."

Narcissa's heart clenched in her chest. "…That's fair," she whispered, because it was. Look at her track record. "Too many times I offered you pretty words with nothing real behind them, and I'm sorry about that. I really did believe I was being genuine at the time, but I just keep making the same mistakes over and over. I don't know why— it's not because I don't love you because I do, God… you have no, no idea the depth of my feelings for you, Cassandra, and it makes me hate myself for consistently self-sabotaging when it comes to you. You deserve so much better than what I give you—"

Cassandra snorted quietly, sardonically. "Maybe I used to. I don't now."

"No… maybe not," Narcissa exhaled sadly, looking at the woman that she had broken, yet who had shredded her in return. Was this really all her life was going to be? This same awful cycle over and over? "So where does that leave us?"

"I dunno," Cassandra admitted softly. "Was kinda expectin' you to tell me to fuck off for this— an' I know, I know I would deserve it…"

"You're not getting off that easy," Narcissa breathed, but her heart wasn't in the cruelty of her words. She just felt… tired. "I know you want an escape, which is why I don't want to give you one, and believe me, I know exactly how fucked up that sounds. But if you want to be her that bloody badly, Cass, then you get to be trapped in this misery just the same as she is. This kind of shit— this is what my relationship with Bellatrix is."

"I just… I don't understand why ya want somethin' like that," Cassandra responded, sounding so lost and confused. Narcissa didn't blame her; she didn't know why she did either.

"Maybe because I feel like I deserve it. I don't know. I try to convince myself that every time it's good that it's worth this pain, but maybe it isn't. It's just all I know at this point."

Cassandra's words were heavy with sorrow. "I don't want to be miserable, Cissa…"

"Well you've got a funny way of showing it," Narcissa countered, and Cassandra's gaze fell to the floor, as she knew she was right. Narcissa looked at her, her heart clenching in her chest as she breathed, "Was it… was it really your idea?"

Cassandra wiped at her cheeks as more tears fell, but she admitted her fucked up part in all of this with a silent nod. God, that gutted Narcissa. She expected this kind of stuff from Bellatrix, but from her?

"…Why?"

"I just— I wanted to know why her," Cassandra breathed, sounding so terribly self-loathing. "An' I think she wanted to know the same. I wanted so bloody badly to understand what she had that I didn't, but then we… we slept together, an' immediately afterward I felt so sodding guilty 'cause I knew all I did was just make everythin' worse, yet I already felt like I was fuckin' drowning an' I just… wanted her to keep pushin' my head under because it seemed easier than fixin' my mistake."

"I was bein' a bloody coward, an' I know that," Cassandra admitted, another tear rolling down her cheek. "Self-destructin' just felt simpler, 'cause I was… I was tired of bein' the one who always does everythin' right. I was tired of bein' the one who has to be your bloody rock, when the entire reason ya even need one is because of her. In some fucked up way, I felt like it was only fair if you were forced to be mine for the same reasons. I wanted you to care enough to pick up the pieces of me this time, but… you never did, did you? An' I know after what I did I didn't even deserve it, but… that's how my brain was workin' at the time. I know it's a shit reason, but it's the only one I had, 'cause I think… I think that maybe, in the end, I'm just a shit person too. I act all bloody high an' mighty when it comes to her— believin' I'm the better option for ya, but maybe I'm just… not."

Narcissa's heart felt like it was splitting open in her chest. She knew this was her fault just as much as it was Cassandra's; what she had been doing wasn't fair to her at all, and Narcissa couldn't even imagine how she would feel if the positions were reversed. Maybe it was worse now that Peter was gone— when Narcissa wasn't around Cassandra was alone and unhappy, and the woman knew that when her husband came back it would no doubt get even worse because she had gone 'public' with Narcissa. This was probably going to cost Cassandra her marriage, and for what? In a way, she had already chosen Narcissa, yet Narcissa had been unable to do the same in return, and Cassandra was watching her whole life fall apart because of it.

Narcissa slowly got up from her place on the floor and came over to her girlfriend, squatting back down on her haunches as she looked up at her, her expression filled with so much sadness and guilt as she reached up, gently pushing the hair back from Cassandra's eyes. The woman was still crying and Narcissa didn't know why this was her first instinct, after fucking everything that had happened, but she rose up and captured the other woman's lips in a soft kiss, her fingers fisting in a mess of auburn hair as she tried desperately to hold on to something that they both knew they should probably walk away from.

Cassandra only sobbed harder, pulling her lips away from hers yet resting her forehead against Narcissa's in defeat. "Stop— we need to stop, there's no point to this anymore, I already fuckin' ruined it…"

"No, you need to stop," Narcissa told her fiercely, putting her palm on the woman's cheek and forcing her to meet her gaze. "You fucking ruined it? We fucking ruined it, Cassandra— we're both to bloody blame here and you know it, but that doesn't mean we can't fix it. I'm not going to pretend what you did didn't hurt me, but I know I hurt you too. Maybe that's not even and maybe that doesn't wipe the slate clean, but I don't care. I love you too fucking much for this to be the end of us— please. Please tell me you feel the same way."

More tears slid down Cassandra's cheek and Narcissa used her thumbs to wipe them away as she held the other woman's face between her palms, looking up at her imploringly. She knew this was messed up, but Narcissa still loved her. Besides, it wasn't like she and Bellatrix hadn't done worse to one another, and she… Narcissa was not going to let her sister win. Bellatrix had her fun, but it was over now, and Narcissa wasn't going to allow her to take anything more from her. Bellatrix already had her sanity, after all, and that… that was enough.

"Everythin' is… it's tainted now, Cissa," Cassandra breathed sadly. "Doesn't matter if I love ya or you love me… it's never gonna be the same."

"Why, 'cause you fucked the same woman I've been fucking for most of my life? Jesus— I know I went a little psychotic over it, because I know I have issues when it comes to Bellatrix, but you were right, before— sex doesn't matter, and that's all it was, right? You don't— I mean, you don't have feelings for her, do you?" Narcissa asked, the words strangling a little in her throat out of fear, despite knowing that it was probably completely unfounded.

Cassandra exhaled a disbelieving snort. "You fuckin' jokin'?"

Narcissa exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, feeling infinitely better. She didn't know what she would do if something like that turned out to be true. "Okay, so then we just… figure out a way to move past this, okay? Maybe not right now— this was such shit timing, with the boys being home and everything, and that's… that's my fault, because I bloody orchestrated this entire thing—"

Cassandra's brow knit. "What?"

"Bellatrix was… goading me, and I had my suspicions, so I convinced Draco to take Gregory to the Crabbe's and pretended to go out because I knew my sister has zero fucking self-control, and I… I just wanted to know," Narcissa explained, feeling like an idiot because if she had wanted to confront them in a controlled setting, it should have been after their kids went back to school. "I should have thought of the fallout— I mean I guess I did, for a second, but I didn't care. I had to know, and I'm sorry. I don't want the kids knowing about this…"

Cassandra sniffled, gently wiping beneath her nose. "…Me either."

"Okay, so… we just— we do what we were doing before, alright?" Narcissa suggested, knowing that they couldn't work on their relationship right this moment. Their kids needed to come first. "We pretend everything is fine and then when they go back… then we can talk. Like— really fucking talk, okay? Is that… would that be something you'd want to do?"

Cassandra exhaled a slow breath, her eyes searching Narcissa's for a long moment before she finally nodded. Narcissa gave her an encouraging smile, brushing the hair away from her face again before she leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss against the woman's tear-stained cheek.

"I need to go deal with Bellatrix now," she told her apologetically, because quite honestly… she didn't want to leave her. Even with all this bullshit, her relationship with Cassandra had always been so much saner than her relationship with Bellatrix, and Narcissa was already exhausted. "Give me twenty minutes."

Cassandra exhaled a disbelieving laugh. "Twenty minutes?"

"Yes. Twenty minutes," Narcissa told her seriously. "I don't have the fucking effort for anything else, and what she wants is some big blow out fight. I'm not giving that to her. Give me twenty minutes and then we can just… I don't know. Lay here. Go to bed. I'm so… I'm so fucking tired, honestly. My whole goddamn life exhausts me at this point."

"Yeah… I get that," Cassandra responded softly before she looked at Narcissa, her brow furrowing as she no doubt debated whether or not she should even trust her words. "Alright. Twenty minutes."

Narcissa nodded, resolving not to have that be yet another lie or another way for her to fuck up and put Bellatrix first, and the blonde rose to her feet, crossing the room to open the bedroom door. Bellatrix was leaning against the wall of the hallway, her arms crossed over her chest. She had at least taken the dick off of her, but she was still naked and bloody and Narcissa was pretty sure her nose was broken.

"What, did you two stop screaming so you could cry while your relationship fell to shit? Because I gotta say, that would be the only reason I'd be happy with not being able to hear you bitch for the last twenty minutes. Although I gotta say, Cissy, that jealous possessive rant you went on? It actually made me feel special for three fucking seconds, so thanks for that."

Great. Narcissa was so glad that her desire to suffocate the life out of Bellatrix was enjoyable for her. The entire thing was psychotic, but at least it made her happy. God, Narcissa hated this. She looked at her sister sadly for a long moment before she nodded her head towards the guest room. "Come with me," she told her, encouraging Bellatrix to follow her. Her sister scoffed at her tone, but her expression was faltering because it obviously wasn't something she expected.

"Are you not even going to scream at me?" Bellatrix asked, apparently angry about the lack of decibel in her sister's response as she stomped after Narcissa. The blonde closed the door behind her and Bellatrix whipped around, looking infuriated that she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted. "I fucked your girlfriend, Cissy; I've been fucking her for weeks, and you're just gonna stand there and take that like a little bitch?"

"Don't think I don't know that you only did it to get a rise out of me," Narcissa told her evenly. "So because it's a fight that you want, that's exactly what I'm not going to give you. Did you hurt me? Of course you did, but what else is new—"

"What else is new?" Bellatrix seethed, getting in her face. "You fucking cunt— you hurt me first by falling in love with the bitch, and yet you have the audacity to stand there and act like I cut you? Like it's always fucking me who makes our relationship fall to shit— you are just as much to blame, Cissy, you've always been just as much to blame!"

"I know," Narcissa acknowledged, because she couldn't pretend she was a victim in all of this. She knew why Bellatrix did what she did, and she knew it was entirely born from her own betrayal. Still, she didn't shrink away from her or take a step back. She needed to start facing her mistakes. "I should have told you a long time ago that things had changed. I should have been honest with you, but I wasn't, and that's my fault. I thought I could change our relationship to make it fit into the life I have now, and with the person I had become, but when that didn't work I thought it would just be easier to regress so that maybe everything would feel the same as it did before, but it doesn't. This isn't what I want anymore, Bellatrix. I still want you, I have always wanted you, but I can't deal with the rest of it anymore. The pain, the heartache, the psychosis on both of our parts… it's not good for us, can't you see that? And I can't… I can't do it anymore, I just can't—"

Bellatrix physically recoiled from her, reading in between the lines, and God, this hadn't been Narcissa's plan at all. At most, all she wanted to do was be rather apathetic toward her as it would be the complete opposite reaction that Bellatrix had been trying to invoke from her and that would have pissed her off the most, but now… after her conversation with Cassandra, after realizing she was always going to be trapped in the same cycle over and over unless she made an effort to change, the words they just… they just came out.

"Are you— are you fucking breaking up with me?!" Bellatrix shouted, as though she hadn't even fathomed that being a possibility, which was probably the most ridiculous part of all of this. Still, Narcissa wasn't going to delude herself; they had both tried to walk away from each other before many times, yet in the end they always found their way back to one another. So no, this wasn't the end of them. It could never be.

"I'm not breaking up with you, but I just… I need a break from you—"

"You just had a fucking break from me!" Bellatrix shouted, the lines in her face etching in upset. "You ran away and you played house with that stupid cunt for a month!"

"And it obviously should have been longer!" Narcissa exclaimed because God, look at the mess her life had become the second she had run back to her. "I felt like I had to come back after you found out about Cassandra and I, I thought I was ready to come back, but I wasn't, alright? I left for a reason— yes the Dark Lord choosing Draco was what started my downward spiral, but you were the reason it got worse and yet the second— the second I came back we kept doing the same things to each other! Nothing changed, Bella! We're still awful for one another, we're still exacerbating each other's mental illnesses, and until we can learn to not be bad for one another then we can't be together. I'm sorry, but we just can't."

Bellatrix looked like she couldn't breathe and yet the fury in her eyes far outweighed her devastation as she asked in an even tone, "And her?" Because she knew, she knew that she was the only one getting tossed aside for this; Narcissa would have come out of the bedroom far more devastated if she wasn't.

Narcissa wouldn't look at her. "Cassandra has nothing to do with you and I…"

"Bullshit she doesn't!" Bellatrix screamed, her fist hitting the wall so hard she broke the plaster. "This was her idea you know— her fucking idea to have this affair, and yet she still gets you and I don't?!"

"I know it was her idea, alright?!" Narcissa snapped. "But you know the difference between you and her, Bella? She actually feels bad for what she's done and you… you don't. You don't feel bad even a little bit. You actually fucking stood there, with a goddamn smile on your face, and enjoyed hurting me. I haven't even heard the word 'sorry' come out of your mouth yet—"

"Fine, I'm fucking sorry!"

"You're not though!" Narcissa exclaimed, exhaling a disbelieving laugh. "And that's part of the problem— you're never sorry for what you do to me, but while I'm sorry for the things I do to you I still don't ever change, so in the end it's still bullshit anyway. We need time to work on ourselves before we can be together again, because I can't keep doing the same things over and over, Bella. I'm too old for this."

"I don't give a shit how old you are— I am your eternity, you fucking bitch, and yet you're choosing her over me?!"

"Yes," Narcissa told her strongly, not an ounce of apology in her voice. She had to make a different choice this time or else nothing was going to change. "For once, I'm choosing someone other than you. I chose you over Lucius for years, I chose you over her way too many times already when I promised her, I fucking promised her that she would be a priority of mine— so you know what? I'm keeping that promise. Maybe it's too late, but it's better than never."

Bellatrix didn't say anything. Her jaw was tense though, her entire body rigid as a board as she no doubt fought the urge to lash out, because she didn't trust herself not to cry if she let herself go and God, it broke Narcissa's heart, it did, but this needed to end.

"I don't know if we're going to stay together— I don't want to break up with her, but we might," Narcissa told her honestly, because who knew where their conversation might lead. "Cassandra and I need to talk, but we aren't going to do it until after our children go back to Hogwarts. But even if we do break up, that doesn't change where we are, because I still need space. I would rather be alone right now than continue to be trapped in this misery with you, do you understand me? So if you don't like that, if you don't want that to be how I feel, then do what I'm going to do and take this bloody time to actually make an effort to change so that when we find our way back to one another we can actually be happy for once, Bella, please."

Bellatrix was still ridged as she tried to fight down her feelings, but in the end they won out anyway as a tear slid down the furious expression on her face. Seeing her sister cry absolutely shredded Narcissa, but she knew she needed to hold her ground. It was the only way either of them were ever going to get any bloody peace.

"You know what, Narcissa? You're not fucking worth this. You've never been worth anything," Bellatrix seethed, her words seeding into Narcissa as they began to crack her down the middle. "All you've done my entire fucking life is slice me open; you made me give up the one fucking person I could have actually been happy with because you wanted me all to yourself, and what did you give me in return? Not the same kind of loyalty, not any kind of loyalty! Even now, when Lucius is gone, you still can't fucking give me what I've been forced to give you time and time again, and you have no idea— no fucking idea how much I regret wasting my life on you! I should have let you run, I should have let the Dark Lord slaughter you instead of the woman who actually loved me— I should have saved her, I should have saved her and yet I wasted my efforts on you, and you didn't fucking deserve it; you didn't deserve any of it— anything I've done for you, I wish I could take it all back, I wish I had let you starve, I wish I had let you kill yourself, I wish had let you go!"

Narcissa covered her mouth with her hand, tears spilling down her cheeks at those words. She hoped, no, she knew that Bellatrix didn't mean them, that she was just lashing out, but God— Narcissa felt like she couldn't breathe. She knew Bellatrix still blamed her for Gwendolyn, considering how horribly that ended, but she had never told her sister not to save her— she would have wanted Bellatrix to save her because it was the woman's child for God's sake, but by that time her sister had made her choice and Narcissa knew Bellatrix did not trust herself to go back to the woman in any capacity, for any reason, because it would have jeopardized their relationship if she allowed herself to be caught up in the first woman she ever loved again.

Narcissa wished she didn't understand why her sister had regrets, but of course she did— she could have had something somewhat normal with Gwendolyn and yet she chose her when Narcissa could not even give her the decency of the same because she was terrified of Lucius finding out. Once he knew though, she did, she fucking did choose Bellatrix— she dropped both her husband and Cassandra for her, but in the end, Narcissa needed something more than the insanity they brought one another to be happy. A long time ago, when Narcissa was young, she had convinced herself that if they lived in a different world where her and Bellatrix could live their lives in the open that things would be different, but this was as close to that as they were ever going to get, and it wasn't different at all.

It wasn't because they were blood related that their relationship was unhealthy, it was just because it was them.

Bellatrix was furiously throwing clothes on before she waved her wand in some half-arsed attempt to pack up the rest of her shit that was there. Narcissa had tears streaming down her face, but she didn't yell at her sister for her words; she understood her anger. Even if the things she said were horrible, Narcissa could see the pain that lied beneath them, and that was what she chose to focus on. Still, Bellatrix packing didn't seem like a good idea and she begged, "Bella… please. You can't leave, it's not safe—"

"I'd rather go back to fucking Azkaban than stay here another second here with you. I hope you choke on her cunt, you selfish whore, because you're wrong— this isn't a break, it's the fucking end."

And with that her sister was gone, disapparating with only about half of her things, going God only knew where. A part of Narcissa wanted to go after her so desperately, because she still— after everything, she still loved Bellatrix very much, but in the end she stayed her ground, knowing that even though it shredded her, that this was for the best.

Besides, it wouldn't be forever. Bellatrix could throw around her declarations of finality all she wanted, but Narcissa knew them both far too well to ever believe that this would be the end of them. After a relationship that spanned thirty years, it seemed like the only thing that would ever truly separate them now would be death, and with any luck that wouldn't be for a long, long time.

TBC…