Remember Me

Disclaimer: This is a modern day Divergent AU. Characters were based off of Veronica Roth's characters, but are not exact replicas in characterization due to different circumstances involving their plot and histories in this story. I tried to incorporate as much of Veronica's ideas and vision/insight surrounding her characters in this as possible, so some snippets are from the books themselves (usually in internal dialogue). I do not own any of those selections and used them to try and keep the integrity of the original characters.

Rated M for language, adult themes, sexual content etc

AN: Tomorrow would have marked two years since an update, and I'm really happy to break that today. I am so deeply sorry the circumstances in my life have kept me from this story, but I'm so grateful for all the well wishes I've been sent, the kind and encouraging reviews, and all those who continue to read and love this story. I won't say much more up here on that, but just wanted you all to know it has gotten me through some very hard times, and no words can adequately convey my gratitude.

There's a scene from Insurgent that's gonna be snuck in here throughout the chapter. I used a lot of exact quotes from the book, so to make sure I cover all my bases, that content does not belong to me in any way. All credit belongs to Veronica Roth.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I wake up to an empty bed, still surrounded by darkness. It takes a second for my brain to wake and catch up, but when I realize Tris isn't beside me, panic floods through every synapse. It's irrational, maybe, but being apart from her in this house feels innately threatening.

I'm just sitting up to go looking for her when I hear her enter the room again. "Did I wake you?" she asks in a sleepy voice. Through the darkness, I can just see her outline as she shuffles back towards me, arms wrapped around her middle to try and keep warm as a yawn escapes her.

"I don't think so. I just woke up and saw you were gone," I say, though I try to reign in any note of panic so as not to worry her.

She stops to stand right in front of me, and it's only then that I see she's wearing nothing but an over-sized black sweater that goes down to her mid-thigh. When we first climbed into bed, I could have sworn she was wearing shorts…

… unless I missed that detail when avoiding temptation.

She reaches out for me, one hand cradling my face while the other smooths through my hair. I try to focus on her, but it feels so impossibly good that my eyes flutter closed, too tired and content to keep them open. I'm pretty sure there's still enough Fireball in my system to contribute, too.

She does this for a while, and it's easy to get lost in the feel of her. When she does stop, she leaves a kiss on my forehead. "Do you want to lie down?" she asks softly as her hands trail down my neck to rest on my chest. Her thumbs rub small, soothing circles, which must be a natural gesture of comfort for her, seeing how often I find her doing it. I've come to find it relaxing and comforting, so it's not unwelcome.

I look up at her, finding a content smile. I scoot back and lay on my side, so I can be facing her, and she climbs in beside me. Because I can't help myself, I reach for her, caressing her face and rubbing my thumb over her cheekbone, in hopes of returning her comfort. Besides, having my hands on her does more to calm me than anything else ever has.

We just lie there for a while, staring into each other's eyes through the darkness until she whispers, "I know things have been far from alright. This funeral is probably going to be next to torture for you, but I… I want you to know, you're not alone in this. You have me, and you'll always have me. Okay?"

Her eyes are so serious, shimmering with emotion in the minimal light from the night outside, that my chest aches for her. I don't know what to say or what to tell her, how to thank her or any of it. It doesn't matter, because I'm not sure my words are good enough.

But maybe I don't have to tell her…

I lean in and press my mouth to hers, because I know kissing her will distract me from everything that's painful, and ultimately, unimportant. Right now, she's it. She's what's important.

She kisses me back fiercely. My hand that was on her cheek moves without command, though I have no intention of stopping it as it travels down, brushing over her side, fitting to the bend in her waist, curving over her hips, sliding to her bare leg…

I feel her shiver beneath my fingertips before she presses closer, wrapping her leg around me. The energy between us and filling up the entirety of the room is charged with something I'm not used to playing with. It fills my head with need as much as nervousness, but somehow, I still seem to know exactly what I'm doing. Everything in me pulses to the same rhythm, all wants the same thing: to escape itself and become a part of her instead.

Her mouth moves against mine, determined but taking her time. My hand slips underneath the hem of her sweater, and she doesn't stop me. I would have thought it too much, but instead, a faint sigh escapes her. I can feel the heat flooding her cheeks in embarrassment, practically see them burning up in the darkness, but it only encourages me.

If only she knew what it was doing to me...

I press my palm to her lower back, which is just as soft and warm as I expected, using my hold to press her even closer. The heat of her body becomes maddening, and I know she can feel my own responding to hers. Instead of pulling away, she deepens the kiss, allowing me to taste her again.

There's still a hint of mint from brushing our teeth earlier. I really have no idea how long it's been since we first went to bed, but I couldn't care less, because she's kissing me like never before. As my hand moves slowly up her back, tracing her spine, her sweater creeps up her body, too. She makes no effort to pull it down, even as she becomes more and more exposed.

I move my lips to her neck and start leaving kisses up and down her soft skin, and she grabs my shoulder to steady herself, grabbing my shirt into her fist tightly. She's breathless by the time my hand reaches the top of her back, curling around her neck. The feel of her bare back send my imagination into overdrive, even if expected. Better than any fantasy I could muster on my own. Between that and the fact that the sweater is now twisted hopelessly around my arm, it does nothing but spur me on.

Our kisses become desperate. The hunger that has been lurking within me for this woman consumes me. It wants, more and more with every second, and she makes no effort to pull back. She pulls me closer by my shirt still gripped in her fist, until we're flush together. I can feel her hardened nipples against my chest even through the layers of fabric still separating us, the heat between her legs as she presses up against me, so much that I want to explore and acquaint myself with, far more than I believed a person could feel…

She lets out a low sound that makes my head spin, but it also brings me back to reality. I've never wanted someone so much in my life, but I don't want it to be like this. Sex used to be this obscure concept, so warped and twisted by different contexts, that the meaning was of little substance to me. For someone who hasn't seen love outside of my friends' recounts, TV and Hollywood, it's become more abstract by the day.

Now, though, with Tris, it's starting to get clearer. What I, or I hope we, want to share is more than just a physical connection. A part of me feels like no combination of words will ever be able to capture what an action can show. When I show her, I want it to be more than just hurried touching before we 'get on with it,' as Zeke would put it. I want to share this with Tris, and she deserves so much more than this.

Zeke would never let me live this down, if he knew what I was thinking right now...

Do I even give a shit? Not really, no.

Tris must be in a similar headspace, thinking something along the same lines, because the kiss slows down until we're just breathing heavily, our foreheads pressed together. My eyes stay closed, just breathing in the sweet smell of her, enjoying the warmth her breath fans across my face.

When I do open my eyes, I see Tris staring back at me. She looks a bit unsure, like she might have done something wrong, so I kiss the tip of her nose before giving her a small smile. "You're perfect," I tell her, because I truly believe she is, and she needs to hear it.

She rolls her eyes a little. I expect her to say something to deny it, but instead she just says, "Well, so are you."

I chuckle a little, shaking my head a bit. Normally, moments like these leave me anxious, desperate to escape, but now, I want to be vulnerable for her. I want to be open and transparent, but for her and her alone.

So, without a second thought, I lean closer and clarify. "What I mean is, now isn't the right time. You deserve better than being a late night distraction, and I fully intend on waiting until I can give you all the time and attention you deserve."

She's burning bright red again, but the smile on her face is unmistakable. It takes her a moment before she can say, "I like the sound of that."

It's my turn to smile again, and I pull her back to me, so my arms can stay securely around her. Where they belong.

I don't even remember dozing back to sleep, only being awoken what feels like a second later to an alarm and early morning sunshine.

Tris groans against my chest before she rolls over to silence the alarm, then rolls back to me. "When do we need to leave by?" she asks me in a groggy voice as she wraps her arms around me.

"Ten," I grunt out softly, my eyes still too heavy to open.

"Mm. Then we have a few more minutes," she sighs out contentedly.

We don't sleep, just relax in each other's arms for a few minutes as we slowly wake up. By the time I have my eyes open, she's already staring at me. "Hey," she says, smiling a little.

"Hey," I say before I lean in to kiss her forehead. "I'm glad I got to wake up to you again," I tell her honestly. There's no way I'd get through this day without it, or her.

Her small smile grows to a vibrant one that takes over everything. "Me, too." Her hands start to move, smoothing over my stomach and chest in a comforting way, though it sends goosebumps all over. I haven't forgotten what today is, but I don't want to just give in to it all. I want to fight it as much as I can, so I focus on the one good thing I have to hold on to; Tris is here, and Marcus isn't. He really shouldn't be allowed to take anything else from me, and I don't want to let him.

Tris breaks me from my thoughts. "I was thinking... maybe you could go get your car from Zeke's after… everything's over, while you have to wait for me."

I don't even entertain the idea. "I'm not leaving you alone there."

"What exactly do you think is going to happen?" she asks me, her face set stubbornly. "Vega would be an idiot to try anything. He may like to get under my father's skin, but he wouldn't be that careless."

She has a point, but as much as I'm inclined to believe it, I don't like it any better. "Still-"

"You have to get the car," she interrupts sternly. "Besides, it'd save time if you got it while you're waiting for me. Then we can come straight back here and get ready for the rehearsal."

"When does that start?" I deflect, not happy with this plan or the slightest bit convinced it's safe.

Tris lets out a heavy sigh, more to herself than anything. "My mother wants me there by four, to set up. Everything starts at five, the dinner starts at six. From there, I don't know how long they're going to want us there."

I nod slowly, letting myself think through it. She's not being unreasonable, and she makes a fair point. If she's okay with it… "Okay. If it falls that way, then that's what we'll do." I may not like it, but it's not just about me. Not anymore.

She gives me a soft smile before she rolls over, sitting up to look down at me. She's the epitome of sexy, with her hair a mess from sleep and the sweater pulled up to expose her soft, toned legs, I'm almost distracted completely. "It's going to be alright. It may not be easy, but we'll get to come back here and put it all behind us in just a few more hours."

I sit up, too, so our eyes are almost level. "Thank you for staying with me."

She smirks. "Anytime."

We'll certainly see about that.

We go our separate ways to get ready, leaving us in a relative silence. With every second that ticks by, the anxiety in me rises more and more until it hurts to breath. No matter how much I tell myself Marcus is gone, and that after today, all that history can be put behind me, all I can feel is the doom that's sure to come. The other shoe is bound to drop. It's just a matter of when.

It's only when I find the black Ethan Lord box that the world truly stops.

Carefully, I lift the top off the box to reveal the black velvet. Inside is an extravagant platinum split shank princess cut diamond engagement ring that reflects everything of Marcus' taste. It's not Tris at all, and while I know this is all for show, holding this box has my hands shaking and my heart skipping erratically.

It's not supposed to be like this.

Without thinking, I start to pace around the guest bedroom. I've never personally entertained the idea of getting married before. Settling down and starting a life with someone was so far out of the question when, up until a few days ago, I was convinced I was Marcus' blood through and through. As far as I could tell, I was incapable of real love or feeling, made only for pain and destruction.

Then Tris found her way back in my life. In a world so full of darkness and horrors, she was the only silver lining I had in the beginnings of my childhood, and now, somehow, she has found her way back. It doesn't feel like it's been less than a week, and I can't put how that makes me feel into words. A week ago, I was living my life with my head down, ignoring everything passing me by, while convinced this was everything I had ever wanted. I was consumed with my past, my ancestry, my darkness, that it was all just slipping through my fingers like sand in the name of being "free," even though that itself was an illusion. Now, I'm actually living my life, in ways I rarely entertain. These past days have been filled with more memories than the past year, and it all comes down to her.

While this ring is just for show, and a condition put upon us by Marcus, giving her the ring still feels important. She's not just some girl I picked up to play charades with. She's the most important person in my life. She's the only person who can hold all of our darkness, all of our family's darkness, and still find goodness. She's the only person who could look at me and see me for who I truly am, and not be ashamed of what she sees.

From behind me, I can hear Tris enter the guest bedroom, and when I turn to look at her, it's to find her watching me with interest, and perhaps a bit of uncertainty. She's an absolute vision in her long sleeved black lace dress, especially with her hair up in an intricate updo. The pearl earrings and necklace are subtle, but beautiful on her, tying everything together nicely. That just leaves…

Before my nerves can overwhelm me, I close the distance between us, black velvet box still in a trembling hand. I can't seem to bring my eyes back up to hers, my nerves getting the best of me. There's so much I should say, so much I want to say, but I don't know what words to give her.

"I, uh…" I clear my throat, trying to find my nerve. "Maybe someday…"

My eyes snap up to hers, and I catch her eyes beginning to water. I wasn't even this sure a moment ago, yet I recognize the truth the moment I see it. She is the only one I could ever feel this way about.

Her hands surround mine, not taking the ring but choosing to reassure my anxious ass instead. That is so Tris…

"I know," she says, to reprieve me, smiling at me in a way that reflects everything I feel for her. "Maybe someday it'll be real, but only when it's for us."

I can't help but shake my head, completely blown away yet again by this incredible woman. She always knows how to make me feel better, how to make things feel right.

So I don't give it another thought when I nod and confirm, "It'll be real when it's for us."

She smiles shyly before she leans in to leave a soft kiss on my cheek, but I turn to catch her lips. It earns a playfully stern look, but also a little blush. It distracts me from my anxiousness as she takes the box from me and carefully removes the ring to put it on.

It's a perfect fit, which is either very lucky or very creepy, though I don't let myself dwell. Not when Tris scowls a little at the ring.

"Marcus seems to have quite a gaudy taste for jewelry." She lets out a sigh as she twists her hand around, examining it from all angles. "Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful, and while my family always had money for finer things, it never manifested like this. Extravagance wasn't ever my mother's style, and I feel I follow in her footsteps in that regard."

I can't help feeling a surge of pride in knowing how Tris would feel about the ring, though I can't really rationalize why. Maybe just the feeling of knowing her well enough to gauge her thoughts and feelings without her telling me. That, or the fact that she seems displeased with Marcus' choice. Or both.

"That's Marcus for you. He probably wants people gawking over it. Everyone there is going to be of money. Leave it to someone as shallow as Marcus to throw his money around for yet another statement. As if this funeral weren't enough of a production…" I shake my head, trying to clear it. "At least it's over after today."

She smiles. "Just a few more hours, and you're free."

Free… I like the sound of that.

AN- Thank you all so so so so much again! I know the wait has been so long already, but I honestly don't have a definitive timeline for how long until the next chapter, but I am working as hard as I can to stay attentive with this story to finish it out. My partner and I have a lot facing us right now, though I'm hoping writing can be a great way to cope many things, but it still may take some time to get through each chapter. I do appreciate all of your support and patience. Thank you for sticking by me and this story. It means so so much!

Next chapter is the funeral! (I know, finally!) We've got a ton of big moments coming up in the next chapters, some long awaited. I have a lot of it already mapped out from 2018 (all those good "popcorn" parts haha) so I'm excited to get them out there for you! Health and mind willing, it will be done!

Willow