Deference for Darkness

Anna and Elsa's journey through the subway tunnels beneath New York took them a good portion of the day due to the fact that they were travelling by foot and because of the deteriorated condition of the tunnels. The route took them underneath the Harlem River, which also passed under the northeastern section of the seawalls that surrounded the city. From there on, they were able to cross over several blocks into what remained of the Bronx where they were now about halfway to the hospital they were trying to reach.

As the last remaining free city on the eastern coast of the former United States, New York was situated in a precarious location. The parts of the city that remained habitable were confined to Manhattan as well as parts of Brooklyn and Queens. As for the surrounding area, much of the sprawling urban zones had been reduced to crumbling ruins or were left abandoned altogether, allowing nature and wilderness to return and take over. The lands to the far north of the city were nothing but vast wastelands, which was also true of what had become of the state of New Jersey to the south. To the west lay sweeping desertscapes that had once been the heartlands of America, while to the east was the Atlantic Ocean which crept further in each year at an alarming rate. In fact, the entire eastern seaboard had been transformed into what became known as the storm coast.

Anna raced up the stairs out of the subway station two at a time, eager to leave the darkness of the tunnels behind as they climbed to the surface. Next to her was Elsa, who easily kept pace with her without so much as breaking a sweat or breathing heavily, unlike Anna.

"Finally!" Anna cried out as they ascended the final steps and emerged back out on the surface once more. "We're back on top, whew," she sighed as she removed the respirator mask from her face then gulped down deep breaths of semi-fresh air.

Next to her, Elsa did the same and tucked the mask away in her bag. She looked up the fading light of the sky and smiled serenely, basking in the remaining warmth of the sun's rays. They were both standing by a subway entrance in the middle of a burnt out street, with the buildings all around them reduced to charred rubble.

Behind them, across the Harlem river lay the bulk of the city which pulsated like a beating heart of neon light. They had left the city in the morning and reemerged on the surface in the late afternoon as their journey through the dark had taken longer than expected. In the time since, the sky had darkened considerably and a light rainfall was drizzling down in thin razor blades that sliced through the air.

Anna turned around and found Elsa, who was waving a hand through the air idly to catch raindrops on her hand as she smiled to herself. She left her like that for a little while longer, content to just simply watch the white-haired woman lose herself in the feeling of the rain against her skin. It was clear to Anna that Elsa enjoyed the rain more than anything else and for as often as it rained in New York, she never really gave it much consideration until now.

It's sort of… nice how she can see the good in things, Anna thought. Nora was like that too...

"It's pleasant, no?" Elsa asked as she turned to look over at Anna.

"What, the rain?" Anna shrugged. "I guess so. I never really notice it anymore, not unless it's really coming down."

"I don't think I could ever get tired of it."

Elsa's expression was calm, even, and almost happy. In fact, only whenever it rained did Anna notice how tranquil the white-haired woman became. It was endearing, and Anna found herself wishing she could do more to bring peace to her troubled mind, if only she could do the same for her own.

"We could stay here a while," Anna said quietly as she turned her gaze up to the sky. "Find a place to hunker down for a bit. My feet are killing me."

Evening was nearly upon them and they had spent most of the day walking so they could do with a rest.

"Shall I carry you?" Elsa suggested with a small, hopeful grin.

"As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll be fine. Don't think of me as some damsel in distress you could sweep off her feet," Anna countered teasingly.

Elsa shook her head though the smile remained on her face. "I would never," she said.

"Right, well," Anna chewed her lip in thought then turned her gaze northwards in the direction of their goal. "We should get a move on. We're exposed out here."

Elsa nodded and together, they made their way down the blackened streets, making tracks in the deep soot which began to mix with the rainwater. They spent a while simply walking in silence through the scablands, passing through rows and rows and burnt out cars that had been left where their owners stopped them for a final time. Like the death train they encountered in the subway tunnels, some of the cars still contained the skeletal remains of their occupants, slowly crumbling to ash same as the world of a bygone time around them.

Anna and Elsa passed them by in the same indifferent manner as they walked through the ruined city until eventually, they came upon the remains of a cafe that still had parts of its roof intact. It offered only meager shelter, but still the most out of any of the surrounding buildings around them. With slim prospects of finding a better place to rest, they entered the cafe through the shattered glass door that still had a bell that rang.

"I don't believe that anyone has come through here in a very long time," Elsa said as she ran a finger down a table, making a track in the dust and ash.

"Good thing for us then," Anna replied as she wiped a chair clean of dust and sat down, kicking her feet up on the table.

Elsa peered out a shattered window to survey the silent ruins around them. "The rain will cover our tracks, but I fear if those bounty hunters could find us in the tunnels, then someone could find us out here as well."

"You're right," Anna nodded. "We shouldn't stay here for long. Soon as it gets a little darker, we'll head back out there," she said as she removed her bag from around her shoulders and set it on the ground where she began rummaging through it. "But until then, we should rest for a bit and eat something. I'm starving."

Elsa said nothing, but acquiesced to Anna's suggestion by taking a seat at the table across from her where she removed her bag and set it on the ground by her feet. Meanwhile, Anna withdrew a can of beef stew and a can of peaches preserved in syrup for their meager lunch. As Anna reached for two sets of plastic utensils she brought along, she realized then that they lacked any plates or bowls from which to eat from. Deciding to forego the formality, Anna shrugged to herself and ripped open the pull tab on the top of the can of beef stew, opening its contents.

"We don't have anything to eat on, so I hope you don't mind if we just pass it back and forth?" Anna asked as she slid over a spoon to Elsa.

"Not at all," Elsa smiled as she picked up her spoon.

They spent the next several minutes in comfortable silence, sharing the can of beef stew along which they each had two rolls of the dehydrated bread. Once the stew was finished, they ate the can of peaches together in the same manner and when all that was left was the syrup, Anna filled the can with water and took a sip of the sweet mixture before offering it to Elsa. Afterward, when they had finished their meal, Anna stood up from her seat and stretched while yawning loudly.

Outside, the rain continued to fall though the wind had begun to pick up, howling and moaning through the empty streets. A chill had settled upon them and the first frosts of the season had begun to appear on the shattered glass of the window panes where they etched icy shapes of fractal patterns. Winter would be upon them soon; only a few weeks off though it was not uncommon for snow to appear earlier than expected.

Anna observed the darkening streets outside, then turned her attention back to the scant warmth offered by the shelter of the cafe. Deciding to make use of the inclement weather that would surely conceal their tracks while they still could, Anna knelt down and picked up her bag, draping it over her shoulders.

"Come on," Anna said to Elsa. "It's just a little further to the hospital. If we move quickly, we can make it there before nightfall."

… … …

The pair continued to travel on foot, eventually passing the point where the Harlem River rejoined with the Hudson. Following route 9 northwards, Anna and Elsa journeyed through the scorched ruins until they eventually faded away to more recognizable urban surroundings. Though they were unmarked by fire, they were still marked by the ravages of time. The only plant life that could be sustained in the concrete jungle were ragged weeds that sprouted everywhere through cracks in the concrete as well as moss that covered nearly every vertical surface. They passed along in silence like pilgrims wandering through a bleak and desolate landscape, walking by empty buildings and climbing over rusted shells of cars where the streets became congested traffic that never moved. The only sound to accompany them was the steady wind that carried the memory of a world gone by, only to scatter it to the howling dark.

Above, the sky continued to darken rapidly while the rain fell in fat and heavy drops, signalling the approach of a coming storm that would soon arrive. After a few hours of trudging through the weather and the urban decay, Anna and Elsa arrived at the hospital that was situated next to the riverbank. From the time that it was initially constructed prior to the collapse, the hospital had seen several new expansions and additions to the building. Like many other buildings in the city that had seen the same retrofits, the parts of the hospital that were constructed of brick and concrete joined seamlessly with modern metal and glass panelling extensions on the original structure. However, since the collapse, the hospital had been abandoned, shuttered up, and left to rot.

"Jeez," Anna whistled as she surveyed the abandoned hospital through her rangefinder from the top of a large parking structure that stood across from it. "This place is bigger than I thought."

"Then there stands a better chance that we'll be able to find the supplies we need, no?" Elsa asked

"Here's hoping," Anna replied. "Do we want to go in there right now or wait until tomorrow morning?"

At her side, Elsa turned her head up to the evening sky, searching it for thin shafts of moonlight that were obstructed by the thick rain clouds. "Better to wait until tomorrow," she said. "No sense in endangering ourselves by wandering through the dark. We should rest and regain our energy."

"Huh, my thoughts exactly," Anna agreed before she yawned and rubbed her eyes.

Limited by the encroaching night and the weather, Anna and Elsa descended down the parking structure one level where they would be safe from the elements. They found a spot sandwiched between a few cars that overlooked the hospital which also provided a vantage point where they could observe the road for any possible threats. Not that it was likely that anybody would be travelling at this time of night let alone through the desolate lands that they had crossed.

Once they set down for the night, Anna ate a small supper of rehydrated bread which was washed down by a small drink of water.

"You sure you're not hungry?" Anna asked as she looked over to Elsa, who was vigilantly standing watch a few meters away, observing the quiet night outside.

"No, I'm quite full from the earlier meals we had today," Elsa said as she glanced over to Anna before smiling reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

Anna had anticipated that their journey to Gjallarbru would take at least two days, but now it appeared that it would take some time longer. If they were to make it there, they would have to stretch out their food and water to last their journey as well as scavenging for anything else they could find along the way. Then again, Elsa didn't have to eat as much as an ordinary human required, which meant that if worse came to worst, she could forego a few meals that Anna would certainly need.

"I still don't even get how that's possible," Anna stood up and walked over to Elsa, then rested her arms against the concrete railing. "I mean look at me, I'm skin and bone but I eat more than you do. But you," she gestured up and down at Elsa's body. "You eat less than me, but I mean… come on, you look great," she sighed and turned her gaze outside once more. "It's not fair," she added softly.

"My enhanced metabolism allows my body to use nutrients and energy more efficiently," Elsa said. "I feel hunger, the same as you, just… less often I suppose," she turned to Anna and nudged slightly closer.

"What about your… abilities? You have to maintain your muscles and stuff somehow, right?"

"As far as I'm aware," Elsa shook her head. "No."

"Ugh, that would be amazing," Anna sighed as she cupped her chin in her upturned palm. "Okay so what about your training? How do you, I don't know, keep sharp?"

"Keep sharp?"

"Yeah," Anna said. "I've seen you fight and you know you way around a gun, was this stuff that they taught you at VanirCorp?"

Elsa turned her head away from Anna as she considered her question. "When I didn't have lessons with Doctor Rosenthal, they ensured that I remained busy by putting me through combat training simulations."

"That explains a lot then," Anna nodded. "But if they… uh, trying to find the nicest way to say this… but if they- well if they erased you, wouldn't you have just forgotten everything anyways? What was the point, I mean… other than to just play god?"

"Yes," Elsa said quietly. "I imagine they wanted to see what I was capable of learning and relearning, as a way to develop a cure to memory degeneration brought on by Alzheimer's. Some things… aren't easily forgotten though. My combat training, for instance, was something that after enough repetition became instinctual. I don't have to put any thought into it because I'm just reacting naturally in those types of situations."

Anna nodded. "Well it's certainly useful," she said. "Doesn't make it any less fucked up what they did to you, but, at least you can kick some serious ass."

Elsa smiled tenderly, but said nothing else. A quiet moment settled upon them, and for a long while both of them were just content to bask in the silence and darkness of the night beyond. There was a lot on both of their minds and Anna had many things to think about and many more questions still to ask. She bit her tongue for now, not out of awkwardice nor fear of making Elsa uncomfortable, but for the simple fact that Anna didn't even know where to begin.

It was a surprising thing for Anna to realize just how comfortable and familiar she had become with Elsa in just the short time they had known each other. Perhaps it was because they've already survived a few life or death scenarios, the fact that Elsa has saved her life on more than one occasion, or greatest of all, that the truth of their unknown connection brought them closer together. It was a mixture of all those factors but beyond that, there was something far deeper and more persistent than any of those. Tried as she might to deny it at first, Anna was drawn to Elsa somehow, compelled by forces within her heart and her mind that she could hardly understand. Parts of it were indeed attraction, for Elsa was transcendent in every respect, but there was also parts of her that wanted to shield from the cruel world, to protect her from any further injustices, and to heal her broken mind.

Beneath it all, Anna knew that Elsa was simply a good person who had been forced into a horrible situation by forces beyond her control. She didn't have a choice in being created, nor did she have a choice in the very things that were planted within her mind. Despite all that, Elsa possessed a fully realized sense of self-awareness and she accepted the truth of the person she was. Anna both envied and admired that about her, for she herself had lived for so long, struggling to find her way in a world that had taken her sister from her. Up until she met Elsa, her days had been consumed by darkness and despair. More often than not, Anna wished for something to end her life; a random accident such as being struck by a bolt of lightning or for an aneurysm to kill her in her sleep. But now, she had someone who cared for her and the worst thing she had feared had now come to pass.

Anna cared about Elsa.

She may have been an android, but Anna now saw her as anything but. Elsa was human, with a human mind, with a human heart, and with a human body. Anna saw the way with which Elsa interacted with and reacted to the world around them, and there was nothing replicated or imitated or fabricated about it. Elsa wasn't obeying some strict lines of code, she didn't adhere to any type of programming, she just simply existed. She had her own thoughts, her own feelings, and her own dreams. She was a person, living and breathing and struggling with her past just like Anna was.

More than that though, Elsa genuinely cared about Anna which was plain as day to her now. She was always kind and considerate, from the moment they first met even when Anna was cold to her. Elsa never held anything against her, even after she had nearly been turned over back to VanirCorp. Anyone else would have likely killed Anna for such a heinous betrayal, but Elsa had merely accepted her fate with such candor and grace that it made Anna feel like the worst human in existence.

Shit, what the hell is the matter with me? Anna thought as realization dawned upon her. How could I have ever turned my back on her? How could I have been so selfish and evil? I'm not good… I don't think I ever was.

Anna shifted in place uncomfortably and glanced over to Elsa, who was watching the night with a calm expression. She looked at the white-haired woman for a long time, seeing both Nora and Elsa as her mind couldn't tell either of them apart.

What would Nora think of me? Anna thought. She'd be sick of me, she'd think I'm a horrible person and she'd be right. And… she would forgive me, because she was good.

She sniffed and looked away, discreetly wiping her eyes to hide the small tears that had appeared. Thinking of Nora, Anna was reminded of something she wanted to ask Elsa earlier.

"Ahem," Anna cleared her throat. "Hey, Elsa?"

Elsa looked over to Anna, bright-eyed and hopeful. "Yes?"

"There was something I wanted to ask you."

"What is it?"

"Those… nosebleeds that you get? Do you know what causes them?"

Elsa pursed her lips and frowned in thought. "I can't say for certain, but I believe they're linked with memories of my donor that are triggered by certain events," she said. "I'll feel… pain and fuzziness and a kind of tugging in my head and then… nothing."

"Memories of your donor," Anna repeated, then she decided to press forward and explore the possibility she feared most. "Do you remember the first time it happened?"

"Yes," Elsa replied. "We were eating ramen and the scent of the food triggered it then."

"I told you ramen was my favorite food."

"You did."

Anna chewed her lip in thought and turned away before sighing heavily. "Ramen was the last thing that… Nora and I ate together, before s- she…"

It hurt just to even say her name and ever since her death Anna tried as much as possible to avoid saying it. When she was still tormented by her memories of her, Anna went beyond refusing to say her name by erasing any evidence of her existence. Any pictures of Nora that she had, any mementos that she kept she got rid of. The only thing she couldn't get rid of were her memories.

Elsa nodded solemnly, but said nothing as she sensed that Anna still had more to say.

"I- I've been thinking," Anna started after she collected her wits. "I've been trying to put the pieces together for a while now, and… I still don't have all the answers but I- I think… at least, fuck."

"Yes?" Elsa said, though her face filled with apprehension. "What is it, Anna?"

Anna stuttered and stumbled over her words a moment longer, then sighed as she turned around and leaned her back against the railing as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Okay, l- look. You don't know who your donor was, right?"

"Right."

"And y- you said… said that you were born in 2086?"

"Yes."

"That was the same year that sh- my sis- that… Nora, died. But that's not everything, you also said to me that… you knew me. I- I can't remember ever meeting you before but maybe… maybe that's because it wasn't you that I met, but it was… a different you," Anna sighed and buried her face in her hands. "I'm not making any sense am I?

Elsa - ever the astute one - sensed where Anna was going and provided the answer for her. "You think that Nora was my donor."

Anna removed her hands from her face to look up at Elsa and when she did, her eyes were shimmering with tears. She half-chuckled and half-sobbed as she gestured helpless with her hands.

"I- I know… it sounds crazy but the more I think about it and the more I look at you… I- I- I can't ignore it."

Elsa had stiffened and her face had fallen into a blank, impassive expression as she considered the weight of what Anna was saying.

"It scares the hell out of me," Anna croaked. "But it's… it's something that we should talk about right?"

"Nora," Elsa said softly to herself. "Your sister… if I was made from her DNA then-"

"You'd be her," Anna finished. "But… I mean, that would be… impossible, right?" she asked, pleading for a way out, a way to deny the awful potential truth that she couldn't bear to face.

"We don't know anything for sure yet," Elsa said carefully. "But it is… certainly a possibility."

Those hadn't been the words that Anna was hoping for but they provided a meager amount of comfort nonetheless. Elsa was right. Everything they were discussing right now was still theorization, but it was still based on highly compelling evidence. Anna didn't press the issue further but she began pacing back and forth rapidly as her head swam with more frightening possibilities.

There is a way to test this, a voice spoke inside Anna's head. We just have to bring up Nora's memories and see if it triggers anything in Elsa.

No, I can't do that, Anna replied. Not right now, I can't even think right now. This is… this is just too much.

You'll find out the truth sooner or later.

Then I'll find out later! Please… I can't… Elsa… not with the way I feel about her. I can't do that to myself, or her.

How do you feel about her?

Anna stopped in place, paused by that one line of questioning which she hadn't given much thought to until now.

I… care about Elsa, Anna finally admitted to herself and once that threshold had been cleared, she had opened the floodgates of emotion in her mind. I don't want to hurt her, I don't want anything else to hurt her. I want to make sure nothing else bad ever happens to her, I want to hold her, I want her to hold me- wait- what?

She realized that for the first time, she had greater inclinations towards Elsa then simple physical attraction. The other voice in her mind spoke no more, cruelly leaving her alone with her thoughts with only the sound of her rapidly beating heart for company.

I can't feel like this, she could be my sister, she could be Nora! Anna protested. No, there's just no way, I can't- this can't happen.

Her heart continued to pound in her chest but now it seemed to thrum as if to respond to her true feelings that she was trying to deny. Anna couldn't stand her racing mind and heart any longer and she suddenly dropped to her knees, thirsty for a strong drink to obliterate her feelings she was desperately attempting to suppress.

"Anna?!" Elsa raced over and knelt at her side, holding her up gently by the shoulders. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Elsa's touch was like hot ice, oddly comforting yet disconcerting at the same time given everything Anna had just realized. Part of her wanted to recoil from her grip and another part of her wanted to sink into her embrace and neither side could prevail over the other so Anna simply remained stiff as a board.

"I- I'm just… I need a drink," Anna mumbled.

"I'll get you some water," Elsa said then gently squeezed Anna's shoulder for reassurance before she left.

She rummaged through her bags and a moment later returned with a water bottle, which she unscrewed and held out to Anna.

I knew I should have packed whiskey, Anna thought.

"Here," Elsa knelt once more as her face twisted into a mask of concern, further addling Anna's mind from the sheer display of sincerity. "Drink this."

With a shaky grip, Anna accepted the water bottle and raised it to her lips, downing thick gulps of the clear liquid to quench her thirst. It wasn't the drink she wanted, for if it was whiskey Anna could have simply drunk until she passed out. That would have been preferable because then she wouldn't have to face her conflicting emotions.

"You're shaking, Anna," Elsa murmured.

"Just… tired," Anna replied weakly. "I'd very much like to pass out right now," she murmured as she settled upon the ground and brushed aside from dust so that she could lay down.

Elsa nodded and glanced around, searching for a comfortable place for Anna to sleep. There wasn't much in the way of sleeping arrangements as they were inside of a parking structure, still, Elsa removed her leather bomber jacket and bunched it up so that Anna could rest her head on top of it.

"Here, you can lay your head on this," Elsa said as she patted the improvised pillow. "It's not much in the way of bedding, but it's better than nothing."

"What are you gonna do?" Anna asked.

Elsa stood up. "I'll stay up and keep watch, but you don't have fret about me. You should rest."

Anna glanced over to Elsa, who had retreated a respectable distance away to give her space and turned halfway from her so that she could only see the white-haired woman's side profile. Elsa sank to her knees and then tucked her legs beneath her thighs, resting her weight against her feet and keeping her back straight as she settled into a seiza meditation position. She kept her hands in her lap and her head slightly bowed as she silently observed the night outside, remaining ever vigilant as she kept watch over Anna.

Elsa was the picture of refined poise, quiet and contemplative and still as the mirrored surface of a pond.

On the other hand, Anna was still restless but she also knew that getting some sleep was most prudent, if only she could stop thinking for just a moment so that she could drift away. She was lying on her back, still stiff as a board as she stared up at the ceiling above her, trying to clear her mind of any thoughts. When that proved useless, she shut her eyes and tried to focus on her own breathing, but no matter what her thoughts always remained on Elsa, Nora, and of the potential sisterhood they shared that clashed with her own feelings towards the white-haired woman.

After a while, Anna opened her eyes again and glanced around, searching for anything to focus on that would distract herself. She turned her head and looked over to Elsa, who remained still as a stone. If her eyes weren't open, Anna would have thought that Elsa was sleeping but they weren't, she was wide awake and breathing in out evenly. Anna observed the slow rise and fall of her chest, and then synchronized her own breathing so that they were both in tune with each other. Over time, she felt the beat of her heart fall back into a slow and steady rhythm while at the same time, peace enveloped her mind as her thoughts turned blank.

Simply watching Elsa proved to be incredibly calming and the tactic worked. Soon, sleep began to tug on Anna's eyelids as she was pulled away into a deep and dreamless slumber.