I'M PROUD OF YOU

Your boyfriend has an order for you: come back alive.

Alexandria Shepard has a way of avoiding death. Whatever higher power was at play helped Alex survive a direct hit by a Reaper beam, though not unharmed.

The plan was desperate. Everyone knew that. But they say desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

The arms of the Citadel had closed, making it impossible to dock the Crucible. The solution? Use the conduit transporting corpses from Earth to the Citadel and open the arms from the inside. And in the way of their path to conduit were armies of husks, marauders, banshees, brutes, and cannibals; several Hades Cannons; and a damn Reaper protecting the beam.

Again, desperate, but not impossible. If it had been impossible, Alex must've been in the middle of a hallucination, lying on her back within the Citadel's dark tombs and surrounded by dead bodies and keepers. Keepers were the only things alive and walking around, but they weren't much of a comforting presence.

Alex felt like death and probably looked like it, too. Warm fluid dripped down her face, and the taste of iron inundated her taste buds. She glanced down to find her armor charred, and a great deal of it broken off. A few pieces of her underclothes had melted into her skin and could smell the smoking flesh.

On the bright side, she could move. Alex sat up, head woozy and body aching with every movement. A mass of blood traveled up to her mouth, and she spit it out. A self-scan of her body disclosed a stabbing pain with every breath. There was no telling what she broke in her body – it felt like everything – but her left side was in particular agony. All she wanted to do right now was lay down to rest. Something of which she got so little of in her two lifetimes. Her eyes were getting heavy, craving peace. Craving sleep. Craving nothingness.

Her body agreed with the idea and began to fall back, but she didn't hit the floor. Alex landed into a familiar and sturdy pair of arms. Her eyes fluttered open, and she almost cried at the sight.

"Dad…" she croaked. "You made it."

Anderson looked down at her with a weary smile. "In a better condition than you, by the looks of it."

She grunted in agreement, and he hoisted her up onto her feet.

"I followed you up, but I ended up in a different place. I can barely see a thing up here."

"Yeah, it doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've been to before."

"Here," he said, bending over to pick up her pistol. The only gun to survive the Reaper beam and go up the conduit with her. "Who knows what the hell is up here."

Alex tucked the gun in her waistband and stumbled behind Anderson, keeping the weight off her left leg, until they reached a light at the end of the passageway. Crossing a narrow walkway leading to an uncertain place, they passed gaping chasms and moving walls. The Citadel was revealing its unknown self in unusual ways, catching them both really off guard.

Anderson decided to run ahead to figure out where to go next, and Alex stopped for a breather, doubling over and placing both hands on her knees. In her semi-conscious state, time had become incalculable. Had he been gone for five seconds or five minutes? She couldn't be sure, but her gut told her that Anderson was taking too long. Where had this path led them?

Alex straightened her creaky spine and began shuffling down the rest of the path, calling her dad's name every few steps with no response. The lights at the of the tunnel started to take shape and color as she got closer. She was relieved to see Anderson's form come into view in front of a control panel, but that feeling in her stomach nudged her with a warning. She stopped and squinted towards the distance. Upon a closer look, Anderson was stiff with a defeated look on his face.

"Dad? What's wrong?" she asked.

"Dad," a cynical voice sneered.

Immediately she knew why Anderson was acting the way that he was. With a gun steady on her father's head, Saren stepped out from behind Anderson and a boastful expression across his stupid face.

"Saren,"Alex hissed. All she wanted to do with her father's life within Saren's reach was leap at him and get him away. Or at least be able to pull out her gun and put a bullet between the atrocious, synthetic eyes. Any action was futile at this point because not only was she in no condition to fight due to her injuries but she seemingly had no control over her own body. Alex couldn't take a step. She couldn't wiggle a finger or a toe. All she could do was blink and breathe as ink-like wisps emerged out of nowhere and clung to her like a leech. And she was petrified at the realization of why.

"I underestimated you," Saren said to them both, but his words were pointed at her with a pointed loathing. "I warned you, Shepard. The Reapers are the only means of survival. Control of the Reapers…and of you…if necessary."

Alex hardly had the strength to fight back Saren's hold, yet she tried. But she was entirely at his mercy.

"They're controlling you," Anderson gritted through his teeth.

Saren scoffed and let his hand fall from Anderson's head, knowing he no longer needed the physical threat of a gun to command their movements. "I don't think so, Admiral. I'm the one in control here."

"Controlling me is a lot different than controlling a Reaper," Alex remarked, words barely escaping her throat.

"Have a little faith." Saren stalked towards her, an air of pretentiousness exuding from him. "When each and every species discovered the mass relays – when we learned there was more to the galaxy than we imagined – some thought the relays should be destroyed. They were scared of what we'd find. Terrified of what we might let in. But look at what we've achieved!" His arms open wide, and his voice rose with passion. "Since then, we've advanced more than the past 10,000 years combined. And the Reapers will do the same for us again. A thousand-fold! But only if we can harness their ability to control."

"Bullshit! We destroy them, or they destroy us," David growled.

"And waste this opportunity? Never! If we can control their power, why shouldn't it be ours? This is the way we evolve, and the Crucible is the key."

"And then what?" Alex snapped.

Saren snarled, and he was becoming unstable at their challenging questions. Good. Alex wanted him to become flustered and trip up. Maybe he'd lose concentration, and she'd have an opening to escape his possession.

"Look at the power they wield!" Saren boasted. "Look at what they can do!"

A foreign sensation possessed Alex's muscle, and she felt her fingers reach for her gun.

No!

The plan backfired. Determined to prove his point, Saren made Alex shoot her father. Something she had harvested all of her willpower to stop, and he made her do it with ease.

Anderson barely made a noise when the bullet struck his torso, but Alex could hear his ragged breaths as he sought oxygen, and it made her eyes sting.

"Fuck you, Saren! Look at what they've done to you! This isn't you. This isn't the man Nihlus knows. The man he admired. His best friend!"

"You say all that like it's supposed to mean something to me. I killed that traitorous human-lover once, and I'll do it a second time."

"Because the Reapers changed you into a hateful monster. Saren the Spectre – the turian prodigy – wouldn't bet the galaxy's existence on trying to control the Reapers. He would help us destroy them!"

Saren's mandibles were taught against his face, and his eyes narrowed. He huffed and began pacing in erratic strides. He stopped clumsily and flinging him first at her restlessly.

"I know…it will…work!" Saren spoke through his teeth with forced restraint and as if it were something he was forced to believe.

There was some give in Saren's influence, and Alex was blessed with some relief that her plan was working. And with good timing. She and David were close to collapse and losing more blood by the second. Time was running out.

"You can't, can you? They won't let you do it," she taunted.

"No! I'm in control! No one is telling me what to do!" Saren was practically screaming at this point. His talons clawed at his fringe, and his body was cringing with internal struggle.

Anderson called out to him. "Listen to yourself! You're indoctrinated."

"No! The two of you…so self-righteous!" Saren spat. "Do you think power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices—!"

"Like Nihlus?! Your own people? All life as we know it?" Alex reminded him. "You've sacrificed too much already."

He shook his head furiously. "This is what's best! The Crucible can control them. I know it can. I just…"

"It's not too late," she said more softly. "Let us go. We'll do the rest."

The black billows around their bodies were dissipating. "I….can't do that, Commander. I just need to… I can't fight them…they're too strong!"

"You're stronger. Don't let them win. Break their hold!"

Suddenly, Alex was hit with the force of a rushing krogan. Saren lunged at her and slammed her against the wall, keeping her pinned with a forearm to the throat. Her lungs were scrambling for air, and Alex had no way to fight him off. Saren's hold over her body was as solid as ever.

Damn it! Just when I thought I was getting through to him.

"I tried, Shepard."

Saren grabbed the gun from her waistband, and Alex was filled with profound remorse knowing she'd failed the billions of already suffering aliens. Her crew. Garrus. And quite possibly, their child.

Fully prepared to meet her grim fate, Alex looked into his eyes and realized the fluorescent shine was gone. She found reprieve as the barrel's cold metal skipped her temple and landed on Saren's instead.

Hot, wet splashed of blue blood rained on Alex's face after Saren pulled the trigger. He hit the ground immediately, but his influence lingered and ceded at an elcor's pace.

As soon as Alex gained command of her body, she lost it and dropped down to her knees. Her body was in a poor and weakened state, and Anderson was no better. He fell forward and smacked into the floor. He barely had the energy to even lift his head.

"The arms," he managed to say, attempting to sit himself up.

Alex pushed through each leg to stand back up and limped over to the console. As she worked her way through the screens, hope developed in place of the earlier guilt. This was it – the end of the Reapers once and for all.

When she punched the final button, the Citadel's arms spread open like a blossoming flower and revealed a patient Crucible escorted by a fleet of ships. Alex hobbled over to Anderson sitting against a low ledge and joined him on the ground. They shared a brief silence to take the moment in.

"It's quite a view," David breathed, and a small smile surfaced to her lips.

"Best seats in the house."

"You ever wonder how things would've been different? How our lives would be different if this…hadn't happened?"

A lumped emerged in Alex's throat. "Sure."

"I never had a family of my own, and that ship has sailed. But you…I want you to settle down."

The lump in Alex's throat grew, and her stomach clenched. Her hand reached for her abdomen, and inexplicably started rubbing it. Something told Alex she was, in fact, pregnant. "You might just get your wish."

Anderson looked over at her touching her belly. His mouth parted open, and his eyes drew downward pensively and shifted back and forth. After arranging his thoughts, he looked back up at her.

"Garrus?"

"Yeah," she chuckled nervously. "I don't know for sure if I'm carrying, but I have a feeling."

"I figured the geth did a little more than they said," he said, shaking his head. "Dammit Alex. And you still came down here?"

She frowned. "Did I have a choice?"

Anderson didn't respond for a few moments and exhaled deeply, though not smoothly. He was still losing a lot of blood, and it was visibly deteriorating him.

"I hope…if you are...the baby made it."

"Me too… Though, I'm not confident I'd make a good mother. My choices have already been questionable, and they're not even here yet."

"I think you'd make a great mother. And think how proud your kids will be. Telling everyone their parents are Spectres. Their mom is the Commander Shepard."

"I don't know about that…not everything I've done is something to be proud of."

"But you've done more for this galaxy than anyone. Risked more than anyone. That's something to be proud of." Alex let the words soak in. Dad was right. If the same power that's been keeping her alive all these years could continue working it's magic and get her out of this situation, she'd probably make a good mom. "God…feels like years since I just sat down."

Anderson's head began to droop and bob, drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Dad?" she called out to him. "Stay with me. We're almost through this."

In reality, she didn't know this for sure. They were both looking at pretty poor prospects if they didn't get help soon.

"You did good, child. You did good." His eyes were closing slowly, and his voice was barely a whisper. "I love you…I'm proud of you."

Alex slammed her eyes shut and let the pooling tears cascade down her cheeks. Soft sobs came shortly after. "Thank you…dad. I love you, too."

An echoing clunk and an abrupt trembling shook Alex out of her mourning. She wiped the tears away and quelled the sobs to see what was happening. The Crucible had finally settled in place. She wasn't sure what exactly would happen when the Crucible fired. No one did, really. It would destroy the Reapers, at least according to the blueprints. But what else was it capable of doing? It was anyone's guess.

A glowing auburn light blinded Alex as it formed into an orb and began to expand. The Citadel was coming alive and quaked more violently. Panels of metal began falling around her. The energy was starting to tear the space station apart, and she could only imagine what it would do to the surrounding ships. If there was any hope of anyone rescuing her, it had all vanished now.

Alex let her body topple over and lean onto her father's body, clutching tightly onto the fabric over her stomach. An enormous explosion discharged, piercing through the air and hitting her like a whirlwind.

And then there was nothing but silence.