Believe Me

"What's going on? What happened to her? Where was she?" Punk bombarded Lily as soon as she came out from settling AJ in one of the rooms.

"Shh, calm down." Lily nodded to him, "She was found in Greyhound bus station." She said.

"I checked there. I checked there last night." Punk shook his head, walking down the ward with Lily.

"Well she could have been moving." Lily nodded, "She's ok. We've got her cleaned up and… she's responding as well as we can hope for right now. Gave her some meds too. She's clearly been without for a week."

"Can I go talk to her?" Punk nodded.

"No, not right now." Lily said.

"I just want to see if she's ok-"

"Mister Brooks." Lily said sternly as Punk looked at her, "No one will be seeing April right now." She made clear, "She needs to rest. She's been out there for a week with nothing but the clothes on her." She reminded him as Punk gulped, "You can speak with her once she's come round maybe tomorrow or the next day. For now, only the nurses will be staying with her." Lily nodded.

"Is she hurt?" Punk asked as Lily shook her head.

"Just a few scratches on her feet, her face and her arms. No sign of any bruises or physical wounds. We've checked her over thoroughly and bathed her." Lily said.

"But she's in that room." Punk noticed, "I know there's a bed with… with straps on it. You got here in that?" He asked with sadness.

"It's for her own safety right now." Lily nodded, "I appreciate this is… all new to you. We have April's best interest at heart, you know we do." She said as Punk nodded slowly, "We've handled her in this situation many times before. We'll see her through it." Lily said positively as Punk nodded.

"Did she say where… where she'd been?" Punk asked.

"Not much response from her on that topic." Lily said, "It'll take a few days for her to come round." She nodded.

"And she's definitely not hurt?" Punk asked.

"No, she's physically ok." Lily assured him.

"Just physically?" Punk questioned.

"You're no fool." Lily nodded to him before walking off down the ward as Punk ran his hand through his hair.

He walked down the ward where the girls were in the sitting room, walking over to Tracy who was sitting on the couch with a cigarette.

"Hey." Punk said, sitting down beside her, "How do I get into that room that they took April to?" He asked her as Tracy looked at him.

"You don't." Tracy said simply.

"I gotta talk to her." Punk nodded.

"You realise she probably won't even register who you are right now, right?" Tracy looked at him, "She's been out on the streets for a week, manic doing God knows what. I seriously doubt that you're on her mind right now." She shook her head as Punk rubbed his forehead stressfully.

"Where would she have been?" Punk asked Tracy. He figured she would have known the best.

"I don't know. Sleeping on the streets." Tracy shrugged, "She'll be out of it for a few days." She nodded, "No way are you getting a conversation out of her right now."

"But how do we know something bad hasn't happened to her if she's not responding to anyone?" Punk asked worriedly.

"Because it's April. She knows how to protect herself, even when she's gone off the rails." Tracy said, "Why? You worried she's been out sleeping with other guys?" Tracy chuckled.

"I'm not making jokes right now." Punk made clear as Tracy looked at him.

"She ain't going anywhere for the next few days until pills are in her system." Tracy nodded.

"Yeah, the wrong pills." Punk shook his head.

"It's not your fault." Dean shook his head, sitting with his friend later that night on his couch as Punk sat, upset and angry with no one but himself. He felt like there was no one else to blame but him. He'd put her in this position. He'd allowed her to leave the hospital and therefore risk her running away.

"You don't even understand how bad she looked." Punk shook his head, "She was… twitching and looking straight through me. Like she didn't know who I was. I don't think she did in that moment." He admitted as Dean sighed, "I should never have taken her out."

"Yeah, ok. You shouldn't have." Dean agreed, "It was dumb but you did it now and thankfully, she's back at the hospital and she'll… she'll get better." Dean assured him, "Her running away wasn't your fault. She did that on her own-"

"Yeah, cause she probably saw all that paper work in my kitchen and thought I was just using her. Dean, I swear I'm probably the only person she's ever trusted in her life since her mom and this is what happens? She'll never speak to me again." Punk shook his head.

He couldn't forgive himself. He couldn't get her image from this morning out of her head. It was the first time he'd saw her and only saw her mental illness. Like she was empty with nothing else. It was horrible in every sense and he wished he could have found her sooner.

"She will." Dean said, "You just gotta give her a little time to get better." He nodded.

"We should never have looked into that fucking case. It's a dead end anyway. Probably some ex-boyfriend or something." Punk shook his head, cursing the case out for what he figured had ruined things for he and AJ.

"Dude, is this really what you want anyway? I know you care about her but… this is your reality. She's in that hospital. You can't have a functioning relationship like that." Dean shook his head.

"She could have gotten out." Punk nodded, "I could have… I could have got her better doctors." He said as Dean sighed, "She could be diagnosed properly and given the right medication." He said.

He was beside himself. All he could think about was the night they'd shared. How amazing it was. How he'd never felt closer to another human being before. How he wished and hoped it would never be the last time he was with her in his bed like that. And now this was what it had come to.

"I think it's best for you to just lay low right now. Give her some space. Let the nurses help her. If she's ready to talk to you, she will." Dean nodded, "And don't be so hard on yourself. Your intentions were good. You wanted to give her a good birthday. A different birthday." Dean understood.

"Yeah, some birthday present that was." Punk shook his head.

It wasn't until three days later where Punk arrived at work where he noticed the door to the room where AJ had spent the past few days in, was opened with no one in it. It gave him hope that perhaps she was in the sitting room. He hoped she was there, sitting with one of her books, smiling over at him past it. He knew that was pretty far-fetched.

"Hey, how is she?" Punk asked Lily as he walked towards the nurses station.

"She's in her own bedroom now." Lily nodded, "She's extremely down. Doesn't want to talk to anyone. She says she just slept on the streets the entire week. I don't think there's cause for concern about if she was hurt or anything." She said.

"But she's… she's on the right path, right?" Punk nodded.

"She's better but… she's on the come down. We're monitoring her room every hour or so. Huge manic episode is always followed by a huge depressive one." Lily said as Punk nodded.

"Can I talk to her?" Punk asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Lily shook her head.

"I just want to check on her, that's all. Just for a few minutes." Punk said as Lily sighed to herself.

"Just a few minutes." Lily nodded, "She's in her room. If she's sleeping I wouldn't disturb her." Lily said as Punk nodded.

"Ok." Punk said, walking down the ward and towards AJ's bedroom.

He took a deep breath, knocking on it lightly before walking into the room slowly, so not to give her any sort of fright. He was desperate just to be close to her. To make sure she was unharmed. He hadn't realised just how completely strong his feelings were for her until this had all happened.

"Hey." Punk said quietly, looking over at her as she lay on her bed, not doing anything, wide awake.

She watched him look over at him, and then ignore him.

He closed the door over behind him, walking over towards her as she watched him.

"It's just me." Punk nodded, crouching down by her bed as she looked at him, "I'm not gonna… I'm not gonna ask how you are." He nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear away from her face as she lay still and let him. It broke his heart to see her so distant from him, after how close they'd gotten.

"April." He whispered, "I am so sorry." He shook his head as she looked at him, "This is my fault." He sighed as AJ looked across at him, "I am so sorry." He repeated. He couldn't say it enough, and he wasn't sure it really meant anything to her which was even worse.

"You think I killed my mother." She whispered as he looked across at her, shaking his hand.

"No… No, I don't." Punk said, taking her hand in his and squeezing it tightly, "Look at me." He said as she looked at him, "I never thought that." He said, "April, I'm sorry I never told you about looking into your mom's case. I should have but I just… I thought it'd bring back horrible memories for you and I didn't want that." He shook his head, "How I feel about you, that night we had… that had nothing to do with anything else. It had nothing to do with the case." He promised her, but she just stared at him, as if she wasn't listening to what he was saying, "You have to believe me." He sighed, stroking her cheek softly, noticing tears in her eyes.

"Please go away." She whispered, turning around, ripping her hand from his as she turned onto her other side, back now facing him as he sighed to himself.

He walked out of her bedroom, closing the door behind him and running his hands through his hair. It broke his heart to see her that way, feeling like he was to blame for all of it.

He was headed for the swing doors out of the ward when he paused, noticing through the glass Steve Lynch standing talking to the Mayor at the entrance of the hospital, only wondering what the hell they were talking about.