Her world was a little brighter now. She didn't notice until now. How slightly off-color everything used to be. The vibrancy of everything was refreshing.
"Ymir, you're grinning like an idiot."
The mentioned brunette looked in the direction towards Mikasa, who was wiping sweat off her face with a towel. Ymir suddenly felt the effort of her happiness and she tried to feign a more serious look. Pressing her lips together tightly before she ended up failing and offering a smirk.
Without any words, Ymir just gave Mikasa a nod and walked off. Their workout routine was finally over and Ymir was in need of a shower. Though, before she could head home, she stopped by an all too familiar restaurant.
It was warm inside, compared to the cold weather outside. There were very few customers present in the early hours of a day's morning. As she approached the counter, Sasha looked up from her phone and broke into a grin.
"The usual?"
Ymir just nodded. And in a few minutes, her order arrived and she stepped inside her car, carefully placing the tray of coffee in the passenger and the bag of breakfast that accompanied it. Her fingers drummed rhythmically on the steering wheel and she hummed to herself.
A weight had lifted and she felt lighter than ever. Ymir could feel every step she was taking and each of them was getting easier and easier. This was it. She was getting closer and closer to what she wanted. As she continued getting paid, she was looking this time. Looking for a lawyer. She couldn't wait anymore. While she definitely hadn't talked with anyone other than a still missing Marcel, she was sure she was doing the right thing. Ymir was going to get her little girl back.
"Welcome home," Ilse yawned towards the brunette, she closed her laptop and gratefully took a coffee from Ymir.
"Did you even get any sleep last night?" Ymir referred to the fact that her friend had been up when she left to join up with Mikasa.
"I don't have the time," Her expression briefly darkened for a moment and then she explained. "The sooner I can figure this out, the more likely I can save a life."
Ymir couldn't help but flinch for a moment. Ever since Ilse had met Onyankopon, her life had shifted into a more serious line of work. Ymir's lips twitched for a moment and her tone dropped to a serious note. "I'm proud of you."
Ilse held her gaze for a moment then shrugged. "I should be the one saying that." She took a sip from her cup then changed the topic. "Your girlfriend is gone."
Ymir rolled her eyes but also knitted her eyebrows together in concern. "Gone? Like gone out? Where?"
…
Historia didn't realize how out of shape she was until she found herself leaning on a tree and wheezing. Her heart in her throat and sweat dripping from her face, Historia couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed. So this was the result of hardly doing any exercise for so many years. Ymir had helped Historia restore normal strength in her legs by walking with her after her hospital incident but the blond figured it was time to get her heart pumping.
It felt nice. Freedom.
While she didn't tell Ymir where she went, she was pretty sure the brunette wouldn't wait angrily at home. Historia almost tripped for a moment as the thought crossed her mind as she rounded a corner on the sidewalk. For a moment, an image of Porco flashed in her mind. She shook her head, gaining proper balance and shoved those thoughts down as she jogged on. She no longer had room for him. It was time for another chapter in her life. One with Ymir and without the man she once called her husband.
Her chest felt lighter as she remembered how things had been this past week. Ever since they revealed their most personal secrets, things had been a lot easier. There wasn't a need to stay on edge anymore. Ymir knew the real her and the only thing that changed was their relationship with each other, and it was in a good way.
She fought off a grin, trying not to look like a maniac while she jogged. The morning was still young and there were hardly any people out, which was relieving. To be honest, it had been a while since she had been by herself. Not that she was complaining about having companionship, Ilse and Ymir were definitely making up for all the times Historia had spent her time isolated. But now that she was outside, alone, with the autumn's air chilling her lungs, she felt her head grow clearer. Instead of anxiety, her thoughts were more of a calm contemplative nature.
It was time for some self-focus.
Her pace slowed and she stopped by a bench.
So this was it.
After a sudden realization, it was finally time to fix herself. Rediscover herself and build herself up again. While Porco didn't destroy her whole entire personality, he definitely degraded her enough to lose a part of herself. There was a time when Historia was as extroverted as a person can be. More expressive, more open, and more open. Those were things that ended up being lost and she found herself in a more closed state. While she was still afraid and slightly paranoid, Historia decided that this wasn't going to stop her. It was time for her to recover.
This is about you now, Historia thought to herself in an effort to give herself encouragement. She clenched her fist, feeling inspiration and determination flood through her. She thrust a fist in the air as the morning light grew brighter.
"I am Historia Reiss!" The blond shouted, feeling all sorts of emotions swirling inside her. For once, a negative feeling wasn't in the mixture. "I am Historia Reiss and my life belongs to me! I will from now on live a life I'll be proud of!"
As childish as she felt, she also grinned with a thrill. This was her life now. No one else's. She would fight through the panic, the fear, the anxiety. She was going to put her life back together. She deserved this.
…
It didn't take long for Ymir to notice how bubbly Historia had become. The moment she came back all sweat and smiles, Ymir was a little taken back but now it was something the brunette had grown quite fond of. She could tell that Historia was trying to break out of her shell but despite it all, Historia still had her nightmares; her panic attacks.
It was starting to become a habit. They had been sharing the bed more frequently and slowly the distance between them had been closing. Ymir was laying on her side, Historia's back facing her. While she wasn't touching her, a decent shift was all it took to cut the distance.
Ymir watched, unable to sleep. She noticed how long Historia's hair was becoming, now reaching past her shoulder blades. Ymir couldn't help but touch her own hair. It was probably time for her to get a haircut. Ymir didn't keep her hair pretty long. She found it rather annoying when her hair got in her face. It's why she always wore a ponytail. When she was a child, her hair was rather short. Sometimes she would be mistaken as a boy due to its length when she was younger. Not like it ever bothered her though.
Huffing, Ymir turned to rest on her back and stare up at the ceiling. In the distance, she could hear a car or two drive by every now and then. If she listened closely, she could also hear the very faint sound of the tv playing. Ymir imagined Ilse splayed out on the couch, drooling, with her laptop on her chest. Her friend had been making a habit of falling asleep in the living room instead of her own bed. She always had the local news on, keeping an eye and ear open for anything related to the cases she worked on with Onyankopon.
A few more minutes passed by with Ymir absorbing the night. After that, she heard subtle sniffing. The brunette looked over at Historia and noticed her shoulders starting to shake. Was she awake? Ymir supported herself with her arm and sat up. Peering over, she noticed that Historia was sleeping. She was dreaming.
It didn't take long before her dream started escalating. Historia's breaths were starting to shorten and a sob lingered at the back of her throat. Then with a jolt, the girl woke up. She scrubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands as she tried to get rid of the tears. Her body shuddered uneasily.
"I….did I wake you? I'm sorry," Historia said softly when she finally noticed Ymir.
The brunette shook her head and looked at Historia with concern. "Bad dream, huh?"
Historia didn't meet her gaze for a moment then nodded. "Uh...yeah."
Ymir made a gesture for Historia to explain. With a sigh, Historia shifted her weight to face Ymir cross-legged. Staring at Historia's watery blue orbs, Ymir bit her lip. She loved those eyes. She loved Historia and Ymir was wondering if she should make that known. Well, definitely not now but eventually.
"It was about him and the things he used to do," Historia confessed quietly. "What I endured still haunts me."
Ymir hummed, knowing that Historia wasn't looking for pity. While Ymir was concerned, she knew that if she freaked out Historia would also. She wanted Historia to feel comfortable. One step at a time they were becoming more open with each other and Ymir allowing Historia to talk without overreacting was part of their relationship. It's the same way she wanted Historia to treat her situation.
"He really messed with you, didn't he," Ymir commented, moving a hand to cradle Historia's face. The blond paused for a moment, relaxing in Ymir's touch.
"He never touched me like this," Historia said, moving her own hand to place it over Ymir's. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths. "He hurt me so much." Her voice cracked.
"I know," Ymir leaned forward and pulled Historia into her embrace. Historia didn't fight back, starting to quietly sob into Ymir's shirt.
"You might not be willing to but you should start seeing a therapist," Ymir muttered then flinched at the delivery of her words.
Historia pulled back, sniffing. "With what money?"
"Mine, duh," Ymir tucked a strand of Historia's hair behind her ear.
"Ymir, no-"
Ymir placed a finger over Historia's lips and clicked her tongue. "I have plenty to spare. Don't you worry about that. I just want what's best for you. You need to heal, Historia. And seeing a therapist will help. I know you want to get better."
"I do," Historia admitted. "But I don't really feel comfortable with pouring out my soul to a stranger."
Ymir pressed her lips together. Apart of her wanted to point out how long it took Historia to open up to her but she didn't. There was really no reason to. They both knew already. She looked away for a second then met Historia's gaze once more.
"Okay, so maybe not now. But soon?"
"Soon."
…
The mall was bustling alive with people, most of them getting their last-minute Christmas shopping in. When Ymir made the proposal to go, Historia was a little confused but complied. She hadn't been in so long and she forgot how lively it was. Especially now. Christmas decorations were placed in every direction. Lights strung around, wired deer glittering delightfully and reefs hanging from the large ceiling. Best of all was the giant Christmas tree that stood in the center, towering over customers with all its majestic might.
They went into a clothing store and Ymir nudged Historia to look at everything.
"I've seen you wear the same outfit at least ten times now," Ymir said, her thumbs hooked in her belt loops. "And as much as you look good in them, you need a change of wardrobe."
Historia flushed, a little embarrassed. "So, is this my Christmas present or what?"
"Of course," Ymir paused, then continued with a smirk. "Not. No, I have something way better than clothes for you."
"I'll take your word for it," Historia rolled her eyes and turned to look through the variety of clothes hung and placed out on display. She hadn't got Ymir a present yet and now she was feeling a little bad. The brunette had given her so much and she was struggling to give something in return. She'll probably have to ask Ilse for help. But thinking about it, would Ilse be any help? Historia could already imagine what Ilse would say.
"KISS HER ALREADY!"
Historia chuckled softly to herself. As much as she found herself wanting to, Historia wasn't sure if it was the right time yet. Despite how close the two had been getting, there was still that small insecurity. That fear.
After selecting a few sets of outfits and trying them out in the dressing room, Historia went to go find Ymir. She was standing near the entrance, looking outside at the display they had. A Mall Santa was sitting on a large red chair, a line of children in front of them. Historia followed Ymir's longing gaze as she watched Santa hand over a toddler to their parent, the kid looking quite pleased and laughing. For a moment, she paused, wondering about Ymir and her child. While it was a surprising discovery, Historia wasn't bothered by it. More curious. And a part of her knew that Ymir probably tried her best to be a parent and whatever happened between her and the father was something Historia would have to wait and learn about.
Historia knew that Ymir was striving to get her daughter back. She could tell by the determination and desperation that were laced in all her actions. And despite it all, Ymir hardly talked about it. Historia didn't blame her, it was a sore subject. It was the same way how Historia was hesitant to talk about Porco.
"Ymir?" Historia said, breaking the moment.
She turned to look at the shorter woman, her eyes hazy for a moment before clearing. Her lips formed a crooked smile. "Ready?"
Historia nodded. When the two of them went to the cashier, Historia couldn't help but feel a little bad when she heard the price. Before she could interject and ask to put some clothes up, Ymir, without hesitation, paid for it.
"Oh, by the way," Ymir stopped the two of them by a toy store. "Eren invited us over for Christmas. Would you like to go?"
Historia thought about the brunette and his vibrant green eyes. "I would love to."
"Great," Ymir grinned. "You're gonna help me pick out a present for their girl, Carly."
"Oh?"
"Trust me, you'll love her when you meet her. And I am pretty sure she'll love you."
Historia recalled the time when Eren talked about Ymir and his daughter. She assumed that Ymir had a pretty close relationship with Carly. Historia couldn't help but wonder if it was to make up for the guilt of losing her own child.
…
On the morning of Christmas eve, Ymir received a call from an unknown number. When she answered, it was definitely a shock.
"Ymir?"
She felt her breath catch in her throat. The brunette stopped her car by the side of the road. "Marcel?!"
"Hi, Ymir."
"I-," She couldn't find words for a moment. Ymir had never been one to pry into his business but a part of her wanted to ask. What happened?
Almost as if he had read her thoughts, Marcel let out a sign. "It's Porco. He called me that day and…..and he wasn't in a good place. I've been helping him."
Ymir isn't sure what to say. She hadn't talked to Porco in a long time but she had always been aware of his destructive nature. Ymir had always remembered that Marcel was there to save him from himself, he always helped his younger brother. Back in high school, Ymir had always seen the frustration in Porco's eyes when his brother always came to his aid. It was the frustration of not being able to give something in return. She wasn't sure how Porco was now or what his life was like but judging by Marcel's tone, something bad had happened.
"He's getting better," Marcel continued. "I haven't got any complaints so I am assuming you have been doing your job."
"Yeah, I was actually about to see Willy, right now-"
"Willy Tybur? So soon?" There's an edge of concern in his voice. "Ymir, Zeke and him are not on good terms right now. I would recommend turning back around and enjoy your Christmas. You shouldn't even be working today."
"Well, he called me himself. He wanted me to come over. And how was I supposed to know that Zeke and Willy weren't on good terms? You're literally the only one I talk to in this damn drug business and you dipped off the planet for a month. Besides, I'm not even delivering anything."
"Ymir," Marcel's tone shifted to a serious tone, nothing like his light-hearted nature. "Don't go over there."
Ymir paused for a moment, her eyebrows knitting in concern. "Fine."
"I need to go. You have a good one, Ymir."
"Marcel, wait, when will you be back?"
"Merry Christmas, Ymir."
Ymir felt a small twinge of annoyance well up inside her but she ignored it.
"You too, Marcel."
…
Kinda feels weird mentioning Christmas when it's like the middle of May. I hope you guys are doing okay in these pretty weird times. Big thanks to everyone who still continue to read this fanfiction and another thanks to everyone who favorited/followed/reviewed. I appreciate it.
Until then, Zouboss.