I know Elena's death seemed like it was out of the blue but there is a method to my madness and drama and it will all make sense eventually.

Chapter 44 – Ding-dong, the witch is dead

Monday, February 17th, 2020

"And sir, there is one more thing. The call for this came in about 10 minutes ago." Welch says a little carefully.

"Well?"

"Elena Lincoln was found dead this afternoon."

The news hits me like a ton of bricks. Dead?

"How?"

"She was found unresponsive at her residence by her housekeeper."

I tell them I need more details and to keep track of the investigation. She's dead. Dead?

I feel... relief and anger but I have no time to dwell on this. I have a shit ton to do and then if I have a dinner with Ros to meet with a German tech company but before we can even talk about business, we have to fucking wine and dine them. We've made them an offer but they want to be courted. What the fuck. Just accept the damn deal or not... this shit has been on the books since November and I can't back out now.

...

The dinner was absolute torture as most of these things are. I know Ros kept giving me the look of "fucking pay attention" but I feel this dark cloud over me. I'm on my way home now to Ana. She told me she'd be in her room and to text her on my way back so she'd come down to bed but I don't want to be in my room. I want to be surrounded by her and her things and energy. I need peace right now and she's the source of it.

I walk to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine before heading up.

Her door is open and as I get closer, I hear her bubbly self, talking on the phone. She's talking to Aashu about wedding details as she works on her laptop, sitting on the couch by the window. Her hair is in a messy bun and she's wearing those panda pajamas that are hilarious with her oversized WSU t-shirt. She looks so young. The lights are dim and the room is bathed in a pink hue as I stand at the threshold of the room and watch her.

"Ugh, let me tell you baby cakes, that shit is not cute. Do not go for those. Tell your wedding planner to class it up." She groans.

"I know Aanapa... listen I sent you my Pinterest board, have a look and let me know? In fact maybe add some things. You know my colors so I trust you."

"Okay love, I can do that." She stretches her arms upwards and moves side to side and looks up and notices me at the door and gives me a big smile as Aashu tells her about something wedding related.

"Babe, I hate cut this short but my man just came home. Can we continue this tomorrow?"

They both laugh saying their goodbyes and Ana ends the phone call as I walk towards her. She holds her arms up to me.

"Come give me some sugar Mr. Grey. I'd get up but my leg is asleep." She laughs. I could get used to this.

I lean in and give her a kiss. And take off my jacket and sit next to her.

"Why didn't you text me, I would've met you downstairs."

"I wanted to spend time with you here." I say taking a sip of my wine.

"How was the dinner?"

"Boring as usual. I missed you."

"What's wrong Christian?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me. There's something on your mind."

"What makes you think that?"

"You have a tell."

"What's my tell?"

"If I told you that then you'd learn how to hide it from me and we can't have that now can we?" she giggles.

"Do you always make such personal observations about people?" I smirk.

"Yes."

"You people watch a lot?"

"I used to. More like I had to but now it's like second nature, even though I try not to. I mean, when you're confined to a bed with nothing else to do and unable to move, you figure out ways to keep yourself occupied outside of daydreaming. I studied everyone around me. I watched them and it was good practice and I tend to notice small things that you wouldn't otherwise catch on to."

"You sound like a stalker." I chuckle.

"I'd like to think I'm being perceptive." She sasses.

I put my wine glass on the side table and lay my head back down looking at the ceiling.

She moves in closer to me and kisses the corner of my mouth. "What happened?"

"Elena is dead."

She sits up in surprise. "What? How? I mean..." she shakes her head. "I...I.. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not, she's dead but I don't know why I'm affected by it."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know where to even start. It just feels... I'm relieved but I'm also fucking angry." I feel the rage start to rise in me.

"Why angry?"

"Because... that's it? She just dies now? I know I gave her my share of the salons and told her to fuck off but... I don't know why her death now is affecting me so much. I should be fucking relieved, which I am because that means she's completely out of our lives but still... "

"She was a big part of your life Christian until recently and there's a history. No matter how fucked up..."

I close my eyes trying to channel some sense of peace and calm.

"I'm angry at her. I let her off too easy. I should've buried her but I just wanted her out."

"Did you ever confront her about what she did?"

"I did but it was no use. She was convinced that she did me a favor. She credits herself for my success and that you and I would never work out."

"Well, she was delusional." She giggles.

I chuckle. Elena was always a little delusional but then the reality of our entire history dawns on me again.

"She stole from me. She stole 15 years of my life from me and I let her. I let her control me and keep me in the dark. She turned me into a heartless monster who did fucked up shit and hid behind a lifestyle to feed an obsession that was cultivated by her."

"What do you mean?" She asks with her voice wavering.

"You're going to hate me for this." I choke on my words.

She holds my hand. "I'm not going anywhere, Christian. It's better that you get this out of your system instead of letting it consume you."

She's going to fucking hate me. I just got her back and she's going to fucking hate me again.

"Just as she got off on inflicting pain on me, so much fucking pain, Ana... I did the exact same to all those women. Sure I'd stop when they safe worded but I got off on inflicting the pain. I looked forward to it. Sub after sub, Elena would entice me with profiles of women who could take harsher punishments and who barely ever safe worded and I contracted them. She made me believe love was a weakness. It was useless and that I only needed a woman's submission to be satisfied. That happiness was an illusion. She was a cold hearted bitch and she conditioned me to be the same. She conditioned me to be alone and keep everyone at a distance. All the while she could have access to me whenever she wanted by helping me find submissives and reinforce her ideology on me." I finish, desperately trying to keep my calm, holding on to her hand for dear life.

"Christian, if you were really a heartless asshole then you would've just take, take and TAKE, which you didn't. Listen, I'm not going to sit here and say I understand the punishment aspect but again, consenting adults... and aside from the BDSM stuff, you did give, you helped them with school and bought them things they wanted and ensured their safety. That's not heartless. Elena did none of that shit for you. Sure she gave you the funds for GEH but you had to give that back and you've been supporting her when you really didn't need to."

"It was a business arrangement with those women. My intentions were fucked up."

"Okay, fine. A business arrangement but again, consenting adults with clearly laid out parameters. As far as the intentions go, those too were conditioned."

"I'm a heartless fuck Ana. I had no emotion about this shit. I was just obsessed with... I had this rage that I took out these women under the guise of consent. That's who I really am." I get up and cradle my face in my hands. How can I make her understand the depths of my depravity back then? The fucking darkness I relished.

"If that's true then why aren't you like that with me? If you were really a violent and dark person, then you would've been like that since childhood but you weren't. You loved Mia so much. You love your family so much and you would do anything to help and protect them. Yes, you've kept them at a distance but you were manipulated. If you didn't have a heart then why have you been so good to me, why are you so gentle with me?" She asks crying. "You've always had love in you. You just didn't know how to show it or receive it. You needed someone to talk to you and listen and Elena stole chance that from you. She manipulated you into thinking you didn't deserve that because she knew that if you did have that chance, you'd want to grow and then not need her anymore. This is how she kept you close.

Real love helps you, it makes you want to grow. Like how things grow in the light. Darkness keeps you in one place and that's what Elena did. She kept you trapped in this warped sense of self; that you didn't deserve love or all the things that people around you were finding for themselves...

Listen to me. All of this, all that you've created with GEH is beautiful and it may define you out there but after all is said and done, when you're home, what matters the most are the people in your life and how they see you and need you in theirs. Your mom and dad, they love and need their son. Mia and Elliot, they love and need their brother... and I love and need the man that I want by my side forever. All of this, the success, it's manufactured. It will come and go but what we all feel for you will always be there.

When people are on their deathbed and looking back on life, they don't think about all the money they could've made or spent. Their regrets are about not spending enough time with their family, not asking that girl out on a date, not telling someone they loved them... "

I take a deep breath, taking in the gravity of her words. Willing myself to accept the love she's giving me.

"Look at me." I lift my head and turn to her. Her face is tear stained. Don't cry for me Ana. I'm not worth it. She gets up and climbs on to me and holds me tight. Home. I'm home. I breathe in her scent and try to calm myself. She pulls away and looks me in the eye.

"In the end, she lost. I don't know if she had a family but chances are she didn't... but you're here now. You're home, with someone who loves you and wants you and a family who loves you and is always rooting for you. She probably never had that so she held on to you to feed her own delusions. She couldn't kill the love in you because it's in your nature to love. She may have nurtured you to be heartless but in the end, nature won over."

"She was alone when she died."

"See... and here you're surrounded by people who love you. People who believe in you and adore you. She tried and she failed... and in the end, nature sought it's own justice." She gives me a small kiss.

"Because of you. Because I found you."

"Christian, I came into the picture much later. You've always had all of this." She runs her hand through my hair.

"But I never understood it until you, I never saw it. It was right in front of my eyes and I kept pushing it away." I say with a heavy voice.

She pulls me in for a kiss and holds me tight. "I'll always love you, Christian and you'll never be alone, ever again."

I silently nod trying to not let the emotion of this moment get the best of me but my eyes burn with tears.

"As much as I hate her for what she did... I have a feeling I would've never found you unless I had gone through all of this."

"I don't believe that. If we are meant to be, which I know we are, we would've found each other even if you hadn't gone through this. Even if you were happy. Even if you owned a freaking hardware store."

I look down and try to calm myself some more.

"There's something interesting about how she died."

"What?"

"She was found in her home office on the floor. She died of a heart attack. And The Seattle Nooz article was up on her computer showing a picture of us at Seattle-Mason. She had been dead since Sunday morning."

Her eyes go wide. "Shut the fucking front door. You mean to tell me Imaginary Baby Grey killed Elena Lincoln? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? Like, our real babies could... North Korea better fucking watch out. That's all I'm gonna say." She throws her hands up .

I burst out laughing.

"What? I'm serious. Our imaginary child took out the bitch, imagine what our real babies could do." She says tries to say in complete seriousness but ends up laughing with me. It gives me hope when she talks about our future and says things like 'our babies'.

"We need to do something. Do we still have access to the roof?"

"Yeah, we do. Why?"

"Okay, follow me."

She grabs her coat and we head up to the roof. It's fucking cold but she's determined for us to do this. Whatever this is.

We stand in the middle of the helipad and she looks at me.

"Okay, we're going to yell this out into the universe. Okay?"

I'm so confused right now but I'm playing along.

"THE WICKED BITCH OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST IS DEADDDDD." She screams. "You're turn."

"Ana... are you serious?"

"As a heart attack." She laughs. "Just shut up and do it. This is our celebration. I know one shouldn't speak ill of the dead but she doesn't deserve that mercy. I'll scream it out with you." She holds my hand and winks. "Ready? On three; 1... 2... 3..."

"THE WICKED BITCH OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST IS DEAD." We both scream and I look back at her and she jumps up and down. That really did feel good.

"Now what?" I ask her.

"Now, we go and eat ice-cream and have some amazing celebratory sex." She wiggles her eyebrows and throws her arms around me and locks me in a deep kiss.

Here she is in her ridiculously adorable panda pajamas and messy hair in the insane cold trying to make me feel better. I fucking love this woman and she's agreed to be mine forever. I don't know what I did right in a past life but I'm never going to question her for me again. After my darkest revelations she still wants me.

She loves me and I love her.

...

"Before we eat, I wanted to show you something." I tell her as she takes off her coat and hangs it on the dining chair.

I take her hand and lead her up the stairs and we arrive at the Playroom door.

She looks up to me wide-eyed. "Christian... you... don..."

I open the door and we stand at the threshold looking in.

It's completely transformed. I had everything taken down and thrown out and new sheetrock, wood flooring and ceiling treatment installed. The big floor to ceiling windows that had been boarded up and hidden behind rich mahogany paneling were now completely free to let the gentle light of the city seep in and illuminate the room. The room looks even bigger than before.

She silently stares at it for a few moments and then slowly turns to me. Her beautiful blue sapphire eyes piercing through me. I can't tell what she's thinking. She walks away and heads down the stairs.

"Ana..."

She doesn't respond but quickly runs down the stairs. Shit.

To my surprise she runs to the kitchen and goes into the pantry. Odd. A minute later she walks out with a huge bag of chips, what looks like cookies of some kind and places them on the counter. She goes to the freezer and takes our two pints of ice-cream and gets two spoons.

She looks at me. "Well, are you going to help me carry this up or not?"

I'm a little stunned and silently nod and pick up the ice-creams and follow her up. She walks into the Playroom and takes a seat on the floor, indian style by the window. I take my place across from her.

She silently works on opening the snacks and once she peels the plastic off of the ice-cream she starts to eat straight from the pint. She takes a few spoonfuls, looking out the window before speaking.

"You know, minus the torture instruments, I thought this room was actually quite beautiful. The red and the dark stained wood... reminded me of red wine but now... it feels like this room is breathing again. You let the light in and now it's disinfected everything..."

I'm still taken a back from her reaction to all this. It's like whiplash. I was almost certain she was running but now, she's so calm and... accepting of all this.

"I guess." I murmur taking a spoonful of her ice-cream.

"Hey... at least ask before stealing me ice-cream. Go focus on your vanilla." She snaps and giggles.

I smirk. "Are you making me eat vanilla in here on purpose?"

"That wasn't my intention but when you put it that way, I suppose I am. Call it the cherry on top, given everything. Besides, this is the only vanilla you're going to get in this room, so eat up, Grey." We both laugh.

"What should we do with this room?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I think that has to be your decision."

"I want it to be our decision."

"I don't know. Whatever you decide."

"Ana, don't be like that."

"Christian, I honestly don't know what to say. I mean, this place kind of has everything. What possibly could this room be for? Another guest room I guess?"

I decide to table this for now. I'll ask her some other time.

She opens the box of cookies. They're dark chocolate cookies filled with a thin layer of an orange like jelly and they taste pretty amazing.

"These are great." I tell her.

"I know right? Karan got these for me once when I was living in SF. He's was like 'these are positively sinful darling, I'm sure you'll like them." She says in a British accent, rolling her eyes with exaggerated hand gestures as she laughs.

"You're good at that."

"What?"

"A British accent."

"Comes with the territory I guess, I mean, Nita has one... it's considerably softened now but also watching British movies, talking to Karan so often... you pick up on it, plus I got a lot of practice with Kiran when we'd play our stupid games when we went out shopping." She smirks and shakes her head.

"Have you spoken to her since everything?"

"No. I've been ignoring her calls and texts. She's on my shit list for the foreseeable future which means I should be expecting a call from Daniel any day now..."

"Will you take his call?"

"I will. None of this his fault but I'm not above giving him an earful if he tries to pleads Kiran's case."

"This I want to see." I chuckle.

She giggles. We eat in silence for a few moments.

"Did you think this was sustainable long-term?"

"What was?"

"This room, the lifestyle, Elena being in your life, keeping your family at a distance."

I swallow. "I was led to believe that. So yes."

"When did you start to feel the crack in everything? Flynn said you were having trouble with the lifestyle."

"I'd been struggling for a while. Since summer of 2018 actually... I was irritated all the time and none of this was really helping. I'd cancel the weekend arrangement on whim or I'd get bored during the weekend and dismiss the sub at the time. The last sub really got on my nerves... I terminated the contract towards the end of July last year... Flynn kept harping on about trying to meet someone conventionally, trying something new to hold my interest and I almost fired him as my therapist."

She giggles. "You don't mean that. You like, John."

"I tolerate him." I smirk.

"He's the only one aside from Ros who takes your money and calls you out on your shit."

"Technically, you joined that club too. Given the recent HR meeting."

"Oh yeah... I did, didn't I? I guess our little 'Call Grey out on his shit" club is growing." She laughs and I chuckle. "Where was the wicked bitch on all this, did you tell her you were struggling?"

"She was around. Trying to constantly get me to contract someone or offer herself... it was irritating as fuck. I had stopped confiding in her, I was talking to John more... he too never approved of her being in my life. Now when I look back, the shift was really gradual but I was trying to fight it given my confusion. I suppose she too started to feel that and really tried to control me but it was slipping and then we met and now we're here."

She nods and goes to take out a cookie.

"I'm really sorry, Ana."

"Why are you apologizing Christian?"

"Because, I was a cowardly piece of shit and I should've told you all of this the minute you came back from SF. You told me everything about yourself and I fucked it up and we lost time..."

She takes a deep breath. "Christian... yes, you should've told me on your own but... whatever happened, happened and now we're here. We're closer than before and we should just focus on looking forward. The evil bitch is dead and we can move on."

"If only Imaginary baby Grey could have killed two birds with one stone." I muse.

She laughs out loud and it echoes throughout the empty room. Almost as if it were cleansing it of the remnants of a dark past it been trapped in.

"Yeah, if only..." she says but it's with sadness.

"Do you think it's sustainable, running away and holding on to the family?"

She looks out the window and I see the sadness in her eyes. She closes her eyes for a few moments.

"No. It's never been sustainable." I see a tear fall. "I know what we went through is similar in terms of being taken advantage of and being manipulated but there are also fundamental differences. Elena was always in the periphery and yes you kept her in your life but you also had the luxury to walk away. She needed you more than you needed her ultimately. She needed to be associated to you to have a leg to stand on in this society. In the end, you had your family around you, you had a support system even if you didn't see it at the time. I don't have the luxury..." she takes a deep breath and rubs her face.

"With me, he's been an integral part of my life and even more so during my recovery. I have lived a lot of life with these people. I'm talking beyond recovery. Important life milestones, things you celebrate as a family, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, family dinners, movie nights, late night ice-cream runs, the birth of a child..." she breaks down as she says the last part. "These are relationships I have always wanted in my life and the thought of losing them is jarring. I grew up without siblings, I was so lonely... I mean, yes, I ran away to Portland but I still held on because I had nothing else. I couldn't burden Kate anymore than I already had. As much as I didn't have big dreams anymore, I still wanted to be an editor and make something of myself in some small way... and now for the first time, I can see a life that is beyond them but still... it's going to take me time to say goodbye. I know I need to tell them all and I will. I just need time. If I fuck up now and he brings a lawsuit against me, it will colossally fuck things up for AHAK and KGI. I have nothing and I will be buried. I want to make sure Nita and Nani are at least taken care of after the will reading at the end of the 3rd quarter. This also affects Karan, Aashu and Rania and her family... I don't want to be heartless."

"Ana, if he brings a fucking lawsuit then I have the best legal team to fight back."

"Christian, I don't have ANY FUCKING PROOF OF WHAT HE DID TO ME." She roars at me, causing me to flinch slightly and shakes her head, as she buries it in her hands. "That alone makes me vulnerable... I am asking you to give me time till the 3rd quarter. This press leak is already helping me distance myself from Kiran... I can just use that to stop talking to her. I have thought about telling Aashu many times but now she's marrying into Akash's family so I have to be careful. Rania, I also have to be careful given her position in the company and relationship with them. It's really messy with the business in the mix. I'm trying to do right by everyone. I am asking for time. I know you hate this... but this situation isn't a fucking walk in the park for me either. "

"Ana, I don't want him coming after you anymore. He fucking hurt you and..." I feel the rage burn through again.

"He won't cause me bodily harm. He'll just play mind games now. That's what he's good at but as long as I stay faraway or only visit when he's not around then I'll be safe. It's only till the 3rd quarter. Which will be here before we know it."

"Ana, he can still come after you when the Will is read."

"You're right he can... but depending on what the Will reading reveals, I may just also choose not tell them at all and just cut ties completely without a real explanation. That's why I need this time. To mentally prepare myself to say my goodbyes if need be."

"You don't deserve this and you don't owe them jack shit Ana."

"I need you to let me do this on my own. This is my fight. Whatever you did to get rid of Elena was on your own terms. I know that my situation forced your hand but it had been a long time coming anyway. For you it was cutting just one person out of your life... for me, it's potentially losing out on so many people I grew up with and lived a life with. You have your family; Grace, Carrick, Elliot and Mia, your business... me? I have the house in Montesano. I could've gone back to all of that, it was the safer option but that's all I had..." she looks out the window again and wipes her face. "If Ray were alive, I'd maybe have more courage. He had a way of making me feel I could do anything..." she looks back to me. "Please give me time."

"I just don't want you hurt Ana. I can't bear to see you in any pain. Whether it be mental or physical... you don't deserve any of this."

"Christian, I've been living this reality for 4 years and let me tell you... all this shit he's doing now is to rile you up. This is his jealousy. At first he didn't really have a reason to come after me since I was alone but now, I'm in a serious relationship so he's going to try and up the ante."

"There has to be a way to get back at him, Ana. We have to do something... if he's done this to you, who knows who else he's done it to."

"Christian, do you play chess?"

"Yeah."

"Are you good at it?"

"I'm decent."

"Well, Vishaal is a genius at it. You don't think he's covered his tracks? You've kept so many aspects of your life hidden... you don't think he's done the same?" She's got a point. Fuck. I'm still going to have Welch dig deep and keep an eye on him and anything he does.

"He has to slip up at some point."

"Nature will seek it's own version of justice."

"You know, we could just get married to really stick it to him." I smirk,

"We could and give him a front row seat at the wedding. Too bad Elena is dead, I'd seat them together" I laugh out loud at that and she shakes her head while she giggles. "I'd rather have people who really love me at the wedding. I don't need that fake ass negative energy. After the 3rd quarter, I'll know who really is on my side, if anyone really is, besides Nani and Nita."

"You're going to make me wait that long to marry me?" I don't want to wait that fucking long.

"Well, I also need to go to therapy. There's still a lot I need to work on."

"Ana, we can be married and you can still go to therapy."

"I know, but I want to do this for myself. I want to get better and be stronger before I jump into a commitment like marriage."

I slowly nod. We get up and head down to the kitchen to drop off the snacks and get ready for bed. She doesn't say a word throughout.

We lie and bed and I pull her close to me, holding her tight, kissing her neck, telling her how much I love her.

"I hope I can one day feel the same relief you felt tonight." She whispers.

"I'm telling you, we should have a baby. That'll cause the fucker to keel over." I chuckle and she giggles.

"You really want to have a baby?"

"I want everything this life has to offer with you, Ana."

"I want the same with you. Only you."

Authors Note: What should the new or in this case old 'playroom' room be turned into?