Seventeenth part: new beginnings

Jim

Desi Valentine – Fate don't know like I do

I was stunned. I couldn't speak. I stayed outside of the apartment for hours. I sat on the stairs and processed what had happened. Tan knowing for us was a warning: we were less and less careful and it was difficult for us to hide from now on. We had to decide what we wanted to do with our relationship.

For me, everything was clear. I could live without my job but I could NOT live without Chris. She always believed in me even when I thought I was a loser. She helped me with my mum. She fought for me when I was lost. I needed to tell her what I felt. She probably knew how I felt about her even though I never said it loud to her.

Why didn't I tell her? I must have been too shy! She was the first girl who made me feel that way.

I went to the apartment. Chris was in the bed. She was not sleeping. I knew she was as puzzled as I was. I lay down next to her and pressed her in my arm. She took my hand and pressed it too. I stroked her cheek with my fingers. I could feel her tears. She was crying. It meant something. I heard her sobbing. She was like me. She was broken. I pressed her tiny body harder against mine. I wanted to show her she was not alone this time. I was there with her and we were gonna confront this together.

She felt asleep. I watched her sleep for hours. I couldn't sleep. She was beautiful. She seemed to be peaceful. At that moment, I knew for sure I was not gonna give up what I had just built up with this woman. She was the person in the world who knew me the most, who could read between the lines and anticipate what I would need. The only one I could tell everything, the only one I laugh with. The only one. Period.

I finally fell asleep. Tomorrow would be another day. Tomorrow we will have to take decisions even if mine was already taken. This night I slept well near the woman I wanted to be with me for the rest of my life.

Chris :

Song: Moon Taxi – Good as Gold

I was like frozen on the sofa. I couldn't move. I just remembered Jim gave me look before he went out after Tan. I was stunned. I knew the moment, this moment will come back and I selfishly thought It would come later, so much later…

All the moments – good as bad – tumbled in my head. The time had come, I had to decide what was the best for me, for my future. I had always loved my job, perhaps sometimes too much. I had always loved being in the action, running after the bad guys and sending them to jail. It had been a part of my life since almost 15 years. And it will be for many years to come.

And on the other way, I met a man, a good man who really loved m, who really got me for who I was. A man who did everything for me. A man I had a lot of things of common. A man… I loved. This last confession scared me a lot because I had never felt that way before. Of course, I had had lovers in the pars. I liked them, some more than others. But I had never really loved someone before Jim. It took me years to admit it but now that I was aware of this feeling, I didn't want to let it go away.

I didn't like dilemma. I ever had. I always had been a damned indecisive person. Especially in my personal life. In my professional life, I was more direct, more cutting. In my personal life, it was a different story. Surely because it involves parameters I couldn't control.

All these thoughts made feel dizzy. I eventually got up from the coach and went to my bed. Everything was always more comforting under my quilt! And when I was here, nobody could see me cry… The warm tears were rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them from going out of my eyes. I repressed some sobs. That was when I felt Jim was lying next to me. I could feel his body against mine and I felt better right away. It didn't stop my sobbings but it helped me feel a little bit better.

I felt asleep quickly after Jim came by my side. And I knew what this meant. Whatever the love I had for my job, my love for this man was stronger… And right at this moment I knew what I had to do. This night I slept well, deeply well. I dreamt a lot. I imagined Jim and I together, not hiding. Just the two of us walking in the street and being a normal couple in LA streets.

On the morning, I woke up early. Jim was sleeping holding me tight. I liked these moments when we were so close. Life seemed so easy since I was with him. Life was worth living when I was with him. Life was simple…

Today was gonna be a day which defined the rest of my life and I was ready for it!