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Confidence and Control
Chapter 29: Judge Me
A knock at Mildred's door knocked her out of her decision over which pajamas she should pack. "Come in," she sang, eyebrow raised, confused over who would be knocking as her friends had already left for their holidays.
"Millie!" Pippa Pentangle somehow managed to enter the dorm-room both gracefully and exuberantly. "Darling girl - its so good to see you in the flesh!"
Mildred got up from her position on the floor and found herself enveloped in the long arms that Pippa extended.
"Miss Pentangle!" she exclaimed.
"Miss Pentangle indeed - term time ended approximately two hours ago. Pippa," she giggled.
Mildred laughed, "Fine - you win - Pippa!"
"I've missed you so so much," Pippa exclaimed. "Hardly the same when you mirror or maglet me! Now I've been sent to tell you by our dearest Hiccup that... now.. let me think how she worded it.. Oh yes.." Pippa rearranged her features sensibly, and put on her best Miss Hardbroom impression, "That we are to meet her at her office at 6pm sharp. She said it with some real emphasis on sharp though - how did I do?"
"Spot on!" Giggled Mildred.
"Plenty of practice," Pippa coifed her hair.
xxx
It was more like 6.10pm when Pippa arrived with Mildred in toe. Pippa had gotten very distracted looking through the items in Mildred wardrobe and had a very intense conversation about Primark and whether a witch-version would make good business-sense.
Hecate glared at the two as they made their way in.
"Sorry - sorry! My fault," Pippa raised her hands, "Mildred was packed and ready, she's remarkably organised Hiccup.. Must be your influence." Pippa winked at Mildred.
Hecate rolled her eyes at Pippa's obvious attempt at placating her. Mildred was many things, but never organised.
"I hope you've packed sensibly Mildred?" Hecate questioned firmly.
"If you mean plenty of snuggly clothes then yes she has," Pippa answered for the girl.
"Sensible," Hecate nodded her head.
It was strange, Mildred thought, now that she knew Miss Hardbroom better she could see the awkwardness better. That sometimes, faced with or against frivolity and cheer she truly did not know how to act or behave so used as she was to being the disciplinarian of a school full of teenage witches. It was a strange kind of comfort to Mildred, who always questioned herself, to know that someone so seemingly together actually had to work at it sometimes.
She smiled comfortingly at Miss Hardbroom, who held her gaze for a moment or two, hoping to convey that although she was so easily attached to Pippa it was her that she had such a special, if not as seemingly easy, connection with. Hecate's lips widened slightly for a brief second, but her eyes became a warm chocolate as if she understood some of what Mildred was silently saying.
Pippa looked between the two and grinned, "Hecate informed me that she thinks you're ready to try and transfer the longer distance." Hecate flinched slightly. It really was the next step for Mildred's magic, but the risks involved still had made it very difficult decision to even broach the subject with the teenage girl. She had forced herself to, however, attempting to learn from her previous mistakes of her own anxieties making her question Mildred.
Mildred nodded sensibly but with a furrowed brow that displayed some nerves. Miss Hardbroom had spoken to her about it at great lengths the previous night, and Mildred, although feeling a proportional amount of pressure, felt like she wanted to give it a go. Moreover, she felt like Miss Hardbroom would not have discussed it with her unless she believed in her abilities and that was enough incentive for her to at least try.
Hecate felt in her cloak pocket, finding a long golden chain with a gold disc pendant on the bottom. She placed it around Mildred's neck, adjusting it with her magic so the disc lay in the small of her neck. "Praesidium Salvus Filia," Mildred heard her say as she felt the tiny jolts from her magic transfer onto the metal, warming it slightly.
"Protected and unscathed," Pippa translated with a small smile. "An ancient spell - It carries some of Hecate's magic Mildred," she explained.
Mildred fingered the pendant, seeing the engraved words circling the circumference. She felt a rush of emotion as her eyes widened with gratitude.
"It will allow me to track you Mildred," Hecate added truthfully, "When you are too far for a locater spell to work effectively. I hasten to add that it will only work when you choose to wear it. I will do my best to never command it of you."
Mildred nodded, "Thank you Miss Hardbroom."
"Now, all set?" Hecate asked feigning a confidence she wished she truly felt. Mildred nodded again, firmly and with a surprising amount of surety. "Good," Hecate approved, "Picture the cottage firmly in your mind's eye Mildred. We won't be far behind."
Mildred nodded once more, and closed her eyes to truly concentrate. She gestured with her hand and within milliseconds had disappeared from the room.
Pippa looked at her girlfriend - "Did she arrive safe?" she asked after a moment, releasing the breath she hadn't realised she was holding.
Hecate clutched the pocket watch on her chest, "Yes," she replied with a small relieved smile. "Of course she did."
"I'm so proud of you Hiccup, that must have been hard!" Pippa grinned.
"Harder than I thought," Hecate allowed.
"She certainly will be ready for a relax!" Pippa grabbed at her hand and squeezed it tightly, "Come on - let's go spoil the girl rotten!"
xxx
The two appeared together in a mist of pink and black. Mildred grinned awkwardly, relieved that she had managed to land at the end of the gravel path, with the cottage straight in front of her.
"You did it!" Pippa practically screamed, hugging the girl around her waist. Mildred looked over Pippa's shoulder and up to Hecate, gauging her reaction.
"Very well done," Hecate cleared her throat and said no more. She held out her hand and summoned the house key, opening the door in a couple of brisk movements.
Pippa grabbed Mildred's hand and pulled her inside.
It was a strange feeling, Mildred thought, to feel such a twinge in her stomach at being inside the cottage. A feeling of satisfied longing that crawled into her inch of her being. She had felt that feeling each time she returned home to her tiny flat after long terms of homesickness, pangs of happiness that instead of making her smile, threatened to overwhelm her.
"Tea?" Pippa asked, noticing Hecate looking at Mildred oddly.
Hecate nodded, but didn't take her eyes off Mildred, "I think that would be wise."
In a smooth movement Hecate placed her cool hands around Mildred's shoulders (noticing that her hands were placed higher up that usual - the girl didn't seem to stop growing) and stirred her into the lounge. She pointed to the settee and once Mildred had obeyed, flicked her fingers at the fireplace causing roaring flames to appear. Mildred watched the colours of the flames turn from purple, to blue, to red before settling on a comfortingly bright orange; the unproportional heat instantly warming the stone-built room.
The woman sat next to Mildred, grabbing her hand and feeling her pulse rate. "Breathe," she instructed, feeling the too-fast thud of the blood passing through Mildred's wrist.
Mildred inhaled in slowly, allowing the breath to fill her lungs. Concentrating on the cool feeling of Hecate's fingertips.
Neither said anything for a couple of minutes. Hecate felt herself relax slightly as she felt the girl's pulse become slow and steady.
"I think I just became a bit ... overcome," Mildred started.
"No need Mildred," Hecate told her firmly knowing that the girl would tire herself further trying to find the words to explain, her fingers were now squeezing gently. "It was a big thing that you just achieved, mentally that's a lot of information to process, particularly when your body and magic is tired. It's been a long term."
"I am happy, honest," Mildred told her airily.
Hecate gave a small smirk. "It was a lot to ask of a fourteen year old, and yet you managed it. We will continue to work on your magic's stamina," she lifted her head, "Until then I think tea, dinner and an early night are in order."
"Tea!" Pippa came into the room at that moment, somehow (perhaps with magic) managing to balance three china cups in a triangle formation as she danced into the room. Her smile became even more genuine as she saw Mildred's hand still encased in Hecate's.
"Ahh perfect, thank you Pippa," Hecate took one of the cups and passed it to Mildred, before taking one for herself.
"All okay?" Pippa asked quizzically as she settled herself down on the opposite sofa.
"Quite," Hecate replied.
Mildred nodded at Pippa, "I didn't realise how exhausting it would be," she half explained.
Pippa smiled softly, "It's the holidays now Millie. Time for a real relax. No working her Hecate! I'm putting my foot down that any magic or essays you have planned can wait until both Yule and Christmas are over!"
Miss Hardbroom pursed her lips petulantly, "Fine," she assented a little sulkily. "We've plenty of traditions to partake in anyway! It'll be useful for your education Mildred," Hecate seemed placated by her own words.
Pippa grinned at Mildred and rolled her eyes, but Mildred felt a real spasm of something deep in her stomach and squeezed at Hecate's hand in return.
xx
Pippa wrapped her arms around Hecate's waist. "You need to stop watching her sleep. It's creepy," she laughed whispered giggles.
"She's peaceful when she sleeps. It's the only time she's ever peaceful.." Hecate looked at Pippa.
"The only time you don't worry about her?" Pippa guessed as she led Hecate out of Mildred's room.
"I think I still worry," Hecate admitted.
"Momma Hiccup," Pippa teased. "When are you planning on making it official?" Pippa asked, "Do I need to buy a new hat?"
Hecate smiled, "I guess that's down to Mildred - she might not want it until I've fulfilled my capacity as her teacher. Might not want the accusations of favouritism, the comments."
"I imagine, based on what I've seen tonight Hiccup, that Millie would want a tie with you regardless of any possible comments," Pippa argued fervantly.
"You really think?" Hecate asked in a smaller voice than normal.
"You're honestly still questioning that?" Pippa shook her head, "Honestly Hecate - do start seeing yourself as we all do. That girl clearly loves you." Pippa watched Hecate's reaction closely, she rolled her eyes that there was still just a speckle of self-doubt in her eyes. "Now - are we having another glass of wine?" Pippa linked her arm, "It's not just the holidays for Mildred - you've had a very difficult term too."
xx
When Mildred woke up the next morning it took her a moment or two to realise where she was. When she did, her face tightened with a content smile.
It was early, far too early, yet there was no way she could possibly go back to sleep. Perils of an early night as she had been ushered to bed with a sleeping potion shortly after tackling a bean casserole. She wondered if Miss Hardbroom had awoken yet and strained her ears to see if she was pottering around downstairs, but there was only the faint sound of the wind howling on the windowpane.
She placed her slippers on her feet and grabbed her dressing gown before trying to muffle her footsteps as she made her way downstairs. The embers of Hecate's fire were long gone and Mildred only managed to get a mediocre flame flickering in its place. She looked about the room, eyes settling on the bookshelf in the corner that she had not had the chance to explore. Tomes of leather bound books, shelved neatly (and Mildred noticed - alphabetically) displaying all non-fiction titles that seemed long and far from exciting. As Mildred went to grab one that she thought sounded the least boring - 'Botany for the Botanist', she noticed that there was a book of some kind half-hidden and turned the wrong way next to it. Grabbing this, her hands grazed over a black leather padded thing, intricate patterns spiralling in embossed silver and tied shut with a silver ribbon.
It looked to be an album of some kind and with a rapidly beating heart Mildred opened it to the first page.
A black and white photograph of a woman - a smiling, tanned and shockingly beautiful woman with impossible cheekbones and dark eyes and hair.
Mildred felt a lump in her throat, and wished she had the self-discipline to place the album back in its hidden place, yet she felt entranced, engulfed, enthralled as she turned another page.
The woman again, this time with a pale bespectacled man that looked impossibly clever. Her diminutive next to his gangly height.
More and more pictures, Mildred ran her finger over them in awe. It had to be Miss Hardbroom's parents: The exact expression Miss Hardbroom pulled when unimpressed, that her mother had given the photographer when clearly not wanting to be photographed, somehow managing to look mesmorising. The rapt concentration of her father's face when photographed reading. The scenic shots with them staring with clear contentment at the natural beauty of the place they lived, of the woman carefully snipping stems of various herbs from the hillside, grinning winningly. It was Miss Hardbroom, Miss Hardbroom in different forms.
Hearing footsteps on the landing she placed the book back carefully. An almost bleary-eyed Miss Hardbroom entered the room, uncharacteristically still wearing long silken black pajamas and a matching embroidered woolen dressing gown. Mildred smiled warmly feeling like she knew the woman a little bit better.
"Morning Mildred," the woman said stiffly, clearly surprised to see Mildred up and about so early, her eyebrows narrowing at the book that Mildred had clearly just opened. It was unlike the girl to be studying without Hecate forcing her to.
"Morning Miss," Mildred said formally, sounding super innocent.
Hecate pulled her dressing gown tie around her tight frame still eyeing her slightly suspiciously, "I suppose Mildred, that you should get used to calling me 'Hecate' in non-term time," she winced a little, as if the very idea of neglecting formality even after all they had been through was painful for her to suggest.
"Hecate.." Mildred tried out. "Feels weird," she raised her brow gawkily.
Hecate rolled her eyes. "It was merely a suggestion...," she started defensively.
"N-no," Mildred stopped her, "It's right. It will just take some getting used to. Feels like that time back in first year where you caught me calling you 'HB' and made me write lines of ' I must use proper respect when addressing my superiors.'"
"You know, I'd quite forgotten about that," Hecate smirked rather dreamily.
"I'm glad you have," Mildred wrinkled her nose.
Hecate chortled. She looked again at the book Mildred was seemingly reading, "Botany Mildred?"
"I was finding some pictures to draw," Mildred lied convincingly.
Hecate nodded curtly in approval. "Once you are done, you can help me prepare breakfast."
xxx
"What are we making?" Mildred entered the kitchen. She had been expecting to see Miss Hardbroom (or Hecate - she reminded herself) now dressed, but the woman still had not got out of her nightclothes, her amazing hair hanging strangely tangled down her back.
"Pancakes," Hecate told her.
"Did I hear you say pancakes Hecate?" Pippa lounged in, looking weirdly disheveled herself, her golden locks lacking their usual bounce and her eyes strangely tired.
"That'll do the trick," Pippa smiled foggily. "Too much wine," she told Mildred under her breath.
"Pippa!" Hecate glared sternly.
Pippa shrugged before placing herself down at the kitchen table. "Holiday," she defended. "It's allowed.. Mildred's nearly of the age when she will be experiencing her first hangover. Hecate makes the best hangover potion," Pippa added, "Might actually have to steal some darling - huge headache!"
"I'll thank you not to encourage Mildred," Hecate pulled a disapproving face.
Mildred giggled.
"Do be a dove Millie and get me a glass of water," Pippa asked the girl beseechingly.
xxx
"Now add flour and whisk until a batter viscosity," Hecate told the girl. "No not like that - turn the jug at an angle."
"It's still too runny, more flour Mildred," Hecate passed her the container.
"I'm sure we agreed no lessons Hecate - you've lasted all of one night," Pippa laughed from the table.
"It's okay, it's fun Pippa," Mildred smiled at the blonde.
Pippa watched as Hecate somehow managed to disguise the smile that fell upon her face at Mildred's comment.
"A smidge more flour, Mildred."
"A smidge - is that a technical term?" Pippa laughed again. "Bit imprecise for a famous potion's mistress."
"Ignore Pippa please Mildred," Hecate tutted, "Potions need to be precise, you use your brain, but cooking comes from your heart."
"Half-Italian," Pippa giggled.
xxx
Pippa managed to control her comments about Hecate's teaching when Mildred managed to flip the pancakes in a blaze of colourful somersaults using the spell Hecate showed her. By the time it came to smothering the pancakes in fruit (Hecate had ignored Pippa's suggestion of syrup stating she did not want Mildred's teeth to rot) Mildred was more than happy to eat a couple.
"What are the plans for today?" the girl questioned once Hecate had vanished the plates and Pippa had gone upstairs to sort out her head with a long bath.
"Today we find our sacred oak, that we must burn throughout the winter solstice in order to banish any evil spirits that may linger in the darkness," Hecate told the girl. Mildred had always found that Miss Hardbroom had such a captivating quality to her voice whenever she spoke of witching traditions or anything to do with potions.
"Will any oak tree do?" Mildred asked wonderingly.
"Any tree?" Hecate did her best not to scoff. "Certainly not child! We must choose the tree that speaks to us on a spiritual level Mildred, and then ask permission from Duir and convince her of our worthiness to take one of her branches."
"Duir? The goddess of the forest?" Mildred asked, "Has she ever said no?"
"Never to me," Hecate said with a touch of pride.
xxx
"A warming spell," Hecate murmured as she fluted her hands over Mildred's cloak.
The two took the familiar path deep into the forest. Ice still upon the ground which crunched and caused Mildred to lose her step on a couple of occasions, "Careful," Hecate warned as she saw her clumsy pupil almost fall again.
Hecate had left her hair down which had been a huge surprise to Mildred, but it now tumbled in glossy waves that contrasted even more with her stark pallor in the frosted forest. She looked like an older Snow-White, Mildred thought. The lines on her face seemed more crinkled without the bun pulling it back, but they gave her face more of a contented look, despite her lips being pursed in solemn sensibility. It wasn't long before Mildred found herself being almost left behind in Hecate's haste.
"Do hurry up Mildred," Hecate tutted.
"I'm trying," Mildred mumbled, doing her best to navigate the frozen branches camouflaged by white. She slipped as a branch snapped under foot, landing on her bottom.
Hecate was there in an instant, "Are you hurt?" she asked pointedly, pulling Mildred up with a gloved hand.
"No," Mildred ascertained, "I don't think so. My ankle feels a little sore though."
Hecate nodded. "Honestly girl, your clumsiness has to be something you grow out of soon. I haven't any healing balm on me that will work for a sprain - do you need transferring back?"
"No!" Mildred practically shouted, "It's my first Yule - I'm not missing this," she added.
She determinedly limped forward, wincing slightly. Hecate rolled her eyes before placing her arms onto Mildred's shoulder so that the girl could use her as an anchor. "I cannot transfer us into the clearing Mildred - the ground will be uneven and you might cause more damage to your ankle."
Mildred felt the sudden heat of the woman next to her, strong arms that were now taking some of Mildred's weight. "Thanks HB," she smirked.
"It is a good job you are presently incapacitated Mildred," Hecate raised her brow. "We agreed Hecate," she reminded her.
"HB just feels more natural," Mildred giggled.
"Did you hit your head?" Hecate sighed wearily.
xxx
They made it into the clearing. Mildred was relieved, knowing that Miss Hardbroom was much more out of breath than she was letting on.
Once again Mildred was reminded of what a mesmerizing place it was, even hushed with the compacted water from the stream no longer rushing, and the birds no longer tweeting their beautiful songs.
Oak trees formed a circle around the place: Tall, magnificent and glorious even with their branches bare.
"How do we know?" Mildred asked, spinning in a circle that caused Hecate to grab her lest she fell again.
"There's no wrong choice," Hecate told her firmly, "Only a choice."
Mildred nodded, brow furrowed. "That one," she decided firmly, "It has the most branches, so it won't be as bad if we take one?"
Hecate smiled softly at Mildred kind-hearted response. "That one it is," she said as the two began to approach one of the largest trees.
"Observe carefully Mildred - for next year I might let you do the summoning!" Hecate threatened with a smirk.
"Sing for the oak tree
The Monarch of the wood;
Sing for the oak tree
That groweth broad and good;
Duir, Goddess of all dear;
Duir, I summon thee here!"
Mildred shot Hecate a look of puzzlement when nothing happened, when the tree continued to sway in the breeze. Surely Miss Hardbroom's magic had worked? It always did?
"Mildred Hubble," A voice on the wind whispered in Mildred's ear. "Our first time meeting..."
"Duir?" Mildred questioned in her thoughts. She looked at Hecate, but the woman seemed entranced, her face solemn as if she were having her own private conversation. She probably is, Mildred realised.
"You're a quick-witted one Mildred Hubble," the voice said rather fondly. "You are here, alongside Hecate Hardbroom to request one of my branches to burn in this dark time? To banish the darkness in these darkest of days?"
"Yes," Mildred acknowledged.
"You've had a year which has been dark at times. You are finally seeing the light," Duir told her. "Burn my branch, and remember the goodness you have within you - a goodness that I require you to share... Particularly with those that have helped you to find the path..."
Mildred nodded, "I will.. I promise."
xxx
Hecate didn't ask what the goddess had said to Mildred, as if the conversation were too sacred to share. Mildred felt thankful for that, she needed time to let Duir's comments sink in before she discussed them. She did wonder though - what Duir had said to Hecate, for the woman was even more business-like than usual as she transferred them back to the cottage, ensuring Mildred landed carefully on the sofa.
Hecate magically tied her hair back into its smooth bun as she began to briskly dab some balm on Mildred's now slightly swelling ankle. She massaged the bone, ignoring Mildred's whimpers of pain. "Better?" she queried.
"Yes," Mildred said to her surprise, the pain had suddenly gone and she could move her ankle around in careful movements.
"Oh what happened?" Pippa came into the room, looking entirely back to her glorious self with fresh bouncy curls.
"My ankle, " Mildred told her, "It's fixed though now," she smiled.
"Oh Millie!" Pippa laughed, "How did you fare with Duir?" she asked.
"She fared remarkably well," Hecate cut in, "We managed to secure part of one of the strongest branches on the tree.. She must have taken a liking to Mildred," she added matter-of-factly.
Mildred's face lit up happily.
xxx
"You should have come with us Pips," Hecate told her.
"It just felt like something you needed to do together for the first time," Pippa explained. "I'm sure there will be many more Yules to come."
"You're remarkably selfless Pippa," Hecate shook her head disbelievingly.
"So anyway.." Pippa grabbed Hecate and stirred her towards the kitchen table, "You've yet to tell me what Duir said to you this year!"
Hecate smiled a little, Pippa thought it almost whimsically.
"She was... pleased.. with me," Hecate told her.
"She's always been pleased with you Hiccup."
"More so than usual... Mildred.." she explained.
"Momma Hiccup getting extra brownie points with the Mother of Earth?" Pippa feigned being shocked.
"She told me that Mildred's a very special witch.. Said that I'm finally fulfilling my destiny - that it is my fate to guide her, to protect her - even from herself. She said that she will help me to further heal..." Hecate looked imploring at Pippa, who gazed wonderingly back with her doe-eyed stare.
"That's a big deal Hiccup.. Duir rarely watches with that much interest.." Pippa told her.
"She spoke of you too," Hecate admitted. "Told me that all the deities approve. So that I shouldn't be afraid of mere witches judging.
Pippa enveloped her hand onto Hecate's, a grin across her beautiful face.
"Judge me - I'm all yours," Pippa squeezed tightly.
xxx