Within a simple blink of an eye, this woman's life is lost. I am almost taken back by how quickly Gale could so simply send an arrow flying through her chest. I will never be used to watching another human life be lost. Capitol citizen or District citizen, it is still a life. He leads us into her apartment without a second thought. The person she was calling to will remain a mystery because when we search the apartment we find it empty. There was no one to hear her.
The apartment is well kept and luxurious. It would be a nice place for us to hide out in for a while, but I know this is not something we can afford to do.
"How long do you think we have before they figure out some of us could have survived?" I ask.
"They could be here anytime." Gale answers. "They knew we were headed to the streets. The explosion will throw them off for a few minutes, then they'll start looking for our exit points."
Katniss seats herself on a gold chair in the living area of the room. She seems unsettled, but back in her right mind. I go to the window that overlooks the street. I carefully pull back the blinds, I'm not faced with Peacekeepers, but with a bustling crowd going about their business. I realize how since leaving the underground tunnels, we have resurfaced into a much more populated area of the Capitol. I think how this busy crowd might actually offer some chance of escape.
"I recognize this location," Cressida states, joining me at the window. "We are only a few blocks from the President's mansion."
I take a look at our remaining squad and quickly realize that this is not the time for a stealth attack on Snow. Gale's still losing blood from the neck wound, which has yet to be cleaned. Katniss remains on the gold chair, now clinging to a pillow and likely fighting to stay sane. Pollux weeps against the mantle of an ornate fireplace. He has just lost his brother.
"Let's check the closets," Cressida says motioning me away from the window. I am hesitant to leave Katniss alone in this room, but reluctantly agree based on the urgency of the situation at hand.
In one bedroom we find hundreds of women's outfits. Coats, shoes, wigs, and enough makeup to paint a house. Across the hall is another bedroom with a similar collection for men. Perhaps this belonged to the husband of the woman Gale killed. It is likely that this man had already left for safety. I imagine the pain he will feel knowing she has died after leaving her behind. It is chilling and familiar.
Cressida calls the others to dress. The three of them enter the room. Katniss is still gripping the pillow from the chair. Cressida passes out long, flowing coats to the group. They are billowy enough to conceal our weapons perfectly. Gale suggests we take off our boots and tie the laces together to hang around our necks. The coats hide them as well. We find silly shoes to replace our boots. The real challenge however, will be our faces. Cressida and Pollux run the risk of being recognized by acquaintances, Gale could be familiar from the news and props. But Katniss and I are known by every citizen of Panem. We help one another apply thick layers of makeup, put on wigs, and sunglasses. Cressida wraps scarves around Katniss' and my mouths and noses.
I can feel the clock ticking, and I can tell that Gale is feeling the same way. Without Finnick, I position myself behind Katniss. This is dangerous I know, she still does not fully trust me yet. But what choice do I have. I vowed to protect her.
"Stay together." Gale exclaims before opening the front door back up to the outside.
When we march back into the street, snow flurries have begun to fall. Agitated people swirl around us. They are speaking of hunger, rebels, of Katniss and I, in their absurd Capitol accents. We cross the street past a few more apartments. I walk side by side with Katniss, keeping my hand gently placed on her back. I try to keep my head down. Just as we turn the corner we pass three dozen peacekeepers. I instinctually pull her closer to me. I can feel her body stiffen and I am forced to loosen my pull. If she has an episode in these streets it will be over. The heavy makeup and scarves do the trick as the Peacekeepers pass us by without a second glance.
"Can you think of anywhere?" Gale whispers to Cressida.
"I'm trying." She replies.
We cover another block and the sirens begin. Through an apartment window, I see an emergency report and pictures of our faces flashing. They must not have identified who in our party died yet, because I see Castor and Finnick among the photos of the wanted. Soon every passerby will be as dangerous as a group of Peacekeepers.
"There's one place. It's not ideal. But we can try it," she says. We follow her a few more blocks and turn through a gate into what looks like a private residence. Only a couple people are around now, and they seem to pay no attention to us. But still, Cressida begins to babble in a high pitched voice about fur undergarments, how essential they are for the cold months. "Wait until you see the prices! Believe me, it's half what you pay on the avenues!"
We stop in front of a grimy storefront filled with mannequins and furry underwear. The place does not look open but Cressida pushes through the front door anyways. Inside is a dim, narrow shop that is lined with racks of merchandise. We are the only ones standing inside of the shop, aside from a hunched figure sitting in the back. Cressida begins walking right in their direction. The rest of us follow.
Behind the counter sits the strangest looking person I have ever seen. Her skin has been pulled back tightly with black and gold stripes tattooed across her features. Her nose has been flattened until it barely exists. I have seen cat whiskers on people in the Capitol before, but none this long.
Cressida takes off her wig to reveal herself to the women. "Tigris," she says. "We need help."
Tigris. For some reason this name sounds very familiar. Then it hits me. She was a younger, less altered version of herself in the much earlier Hunger Games that I remember watching as a child. A stylist. I can not seem to remember which District, but I know it is not 12. I wonder if Katniss and Gale recognize her too.
So this is what stylists do after they have outlived their use. Out of the public eye where they run sad underwear shops and wait for death. I guess not all Capitol citizens live a life of complete ease.
"Plutarch said you could be trusted." adds Cressida
Great, I think to myself. If she really does know Plutarch, then by extension she is related to Coin. It will be much harder to trust this woman now. And surely she will notify them both of our whereabouts. This is never what they wanted us to be doing. We were supposed to be an on screen face for the rebellion, never to be fighting on the front lines. We are in too deep now, there is no turning back. Besides, something is telling me that Gale, and likely several other members of the squad, never saw themselves as just the "on-screen talent".
Tigris is scanning our faces, trying to place who we really are. I remove my scarf to help her. When she sees me her eyes widen, and I am pretty sure she lets out a faint growl. She slinks down off her stool and disappears behind a clothes rack. Eventually she emerges and waves us forward. I am hesitant at first, but there are truthfully no other options. Returning to the streets outside is impossible without a plan.
Tigris slides back a panel at the base of the wall. Behind it seems to be the top of a steep stone stairway. She gestures for us to enter.
I begin to wonder why Tigris is doing all of this. She once worked for the Hunger Games...and then she didn't. Is it hatred, revenge, bitterness. I will likely never know her fully story
We make our way down the steps and into a small cellar with no windows or doors. Only a thin stand of fluorescent lights illuminate the room. It is shallow and wide. Easily able to go unnoticed. The room is cold and dank, with piles of pelts laying in mounds around the room. Unless Tigris turns us in, I don't think anyone will find us here. By the time the rest of the squad has entered the cellar, Tigris slides the board back in place and it is as if we are swallowed up by the store.
Just as I hear her roll a squeaky rack of clothing back into place from above, Gale stumbles. He is on the verge of collapse at this point. He has lost a large deal of blood from his neck wound, made worse from the level of exertion done in the last hour. Cressida makes a bed of pelts and tunics to help him down onto.
Without being asked, Katniss hands Cressida a first aid kit from Gale's pack.
"Thank you." Cressida relies
Katniss nods her head. I wonder if she remembers the kiss. I wonder if she remembers pushing him away. I don't dare to ask.
I help Cressida clean Gale's neck wound. After further examination we decide that this is going to require more than just a white bandage, he will need stitches. There is a needle and thread in the first aid kit. It crosses my mind to enlist Katniss. She has surely seen her mother do this dozens of times. But less than twenty minutes ago she was screaming at Gale, so I decide against it. Cressida is looking at me now, her eyes are desperate and I can tell this more than she can manage. I realize that these stitches are going to have to be done by me.
I give Gale a yellow shirt to bite on for the pain.
"Just do it." He encourages me, gritting his teeth in preparation.
I have never done this before, but I have a steady hand from years of working at the bakery. I take a deep breath and sink the needle through his inflamed flesh. I manage to put in a row of jagged stitches. Gale does his best not to yell, but I can see from his facial expression and occasional wincing, just how excruciating this must be. I add a layer of medicine to the wound and wrap it up. Cressida finds some painkillers in the first aid kit and hands them to Gale.
"You should rest now, we are safe here." I tell him. Gale has been triumphantly leading our squad since Boggs has died. I know that collectively he must not have had more than four hours of sleep these past two nights. He goes out like a light.
Cressida and Pollux begin making fur beds for the rest of us. I walk over to Katniss, who seems to have her eyes trained on Gale. I decide to do something that doesn't come very natural to me at all. I just sit. Letting her know that I am here, but try to give her some space to sort things out for herself. I have learned from Gale's kiss that what Katniss might really need, is some space. Some time to ask questions and figure out what is true in her mind. And sure enough, after a few minutes she speaks.
"You bandaged me up like that in the first Hunger Games. Real or not real?"
"Real." I respond. "Only, it wasn't your neck, it was your head. But this was after you risked your life for me to get my medicine."
"I did that?" She asks, questioning this new information.
"You did, you saved my life." I reply.
This comment throws her into some confusion. She squeezes her fists together tightly. I can tell she is trying to sort out some shiny memories. Digging through what is real, and what is not. I stay silent. Trying to let her do this for herself, but remaining present for when she needs me. Finally she looks up at me. "I'm so tired Peeta."
I want to hug her, hold her in my arms and let her fall asleep. Protecting her from the nightmares. But I remember what I just told myself to do, and choose to give her space.
"Go to sleep Katniss." I tell her. But she won't. Not until I have put her handcuffs back on. I think she must have finally clarified the events with Gale outside the tunnels. Pushing him away from her. The screaming. The cuffs can't be very comfortable, but in a few minutes she drifts off too.
Pollux and Cressida had finished setting up the remaining beds and organizing the food. Cressida asks what we should do about setting up a guard schedule. I know Pollux has not slept in days. Cressida and I have only napped for a few hours here and there. If a troop of Peacekeepers came storming through the cellar right now, we would be trapped at their disposal. Even though Gale is the leader of the squad right now, I don't dare wake him up from the few hours of sleep he desperately needs if he is to carry through with this successful mission. I know he wants to kill Snow. He wants to get his revenge for not only what Snow has stolen from him and from Katniss, but what he has taken from every citizen of the Districts; our freedom.
"I really don't think there is any point in setting up a guard schedule" I tell her. "Let's just try to get some sleep." They both nod and we all burrow into our pelts. I lay on a pelt between both Pollux and Katniss. The fur is soft, and I nestle into oblivion.
I only have one dream that I can remember. I am back home, at the bakery. I help my father decorate a small wedding cake. It is not often we have orders for wedding cakes, very few people in 12 can afford them. Yet they are always my favourite. I am not sure why this is the case, but getting to be involved in a couples love story in this small way has always felt sacred to me. In the dream I am not sure who the couple is we are creating the cake for, but I feel happy. I decorate it with small yellow and green flowers. I add swirls of ivory coloured icing to the edge of the cake. I am calm and steady. When I wake I am thankful for no nightmares. I think back to District 13, how often I had nightmares there. It was constant, so I am grateful for these glimpses of calmness.
When I open my eyes Cressida is the only one awake and she tells me it is late afternoon. I eat a can of beef stew and wash it down with some warm water. I lean my head against the dark concrete wall. I count eight. Eight people are dead from our squad in the last twenty-four hours. I know this has happened, but it still does not feel real. Surely Castor is asleep over to my right next to Pollux. I wait for Finnick to come bounding down the stairs and for Boggs to tell us the next plan of attack. But none of this is true. I can't help but feel responsible. They have died on a mission that we were never supposed to be on. I suddenly feel a tinge of guilt, as if I should have stop this whole thing. But I can't if I want to have any hope of having Katniss being able to live a life in peace when this is done. I know Gale wants to head to Snow's mansion. But surely, he was not anticipating doing this with only five squad members left. We are also not likely the five he would have hand selected to carry through this mission. I assume that in normal circumstances he would have chosen Katniss first. But these are far from normal circumstances. He must know that she can not go to the mansion. She would be recognized and captured in an instant, even with all of the makeup. And if I am being honest with myself, who am I kidding, I would be too.
My mind begins to wonder more about what Gale has planned. I am starting to worry about what he has planned for Katniss. I think about all of the hours he spent with Beetee and assume that the two of them have likely discussed options for this stage in a rebellion.
Within an hour the rest of the squad is awake, besides Katniss. I pass out cans of food to Gale and Pollux. I take a seat next to Gale, hoping to find some information about what he wants to do next. I let him eat his way through a can of vegetable soup before I ask. "Do you have a plan for what we should do next?"
Gale ponders my words for a few moments, and I am suddenly worried that he doesn't. I notice how Cressida and Pollux have eyes on him now too.
"The pods in the streets surrounding the mansion are going to be deactivated for resident safety. The trouble is the streets will be heavily guarded with Peacekeepers and cameras," says Gale. "We are all recognizable by them at this point, but still not to the same effect as Katniss and Peeta."
"What if they stay here while the rest of us head to the circle?" Cressida asks.
"I thought about that," replies Gale. "But I think it would be most beneficial for them and us, if we could find a place for them to take cover closer to the mansion. This way we have an easy spot to return to if needed. If something goes amiss we can get to them quickly."
"Peeta is a better shot than me, maybe I should stay with Katniss?" Cressida questions.
I watch Gale give the suggestion a slight shake of his head. "I think at this point, she trusts Peeta the most." He says looking down sheepishly at his hands.
I am surprised at this response. Yet for some reason I know what he says is true. It is almost as if being out here, on the battlefield has made Katniss trust me more than she even did back in District 13. I can not quite place why that is, and in most other circumstances I would be thrilled about this, but there will be no causes for celebration until this is all over with. Until she is safe.
"I'm sure we can find an abandoned apartment to hide out in near the city circle." I add "Maybe even a bunker similar to this."
"Then what we would need is to get the President in the open," Gale announces. "Does he appear in public anymore Cressida?"
She shakes her head. "I don't think so. At least all the recent events and speeches I have seen, he has been inside the mansion."
"I bet he would come outside for me." Katniss says. I did not even realize she had been awake. I wonder how long she has been listening for. "If I were captured he would want to make my execution public, then Gale could shoot him with an arrow."
I know that this is the real Katniss talking. She is trying to use herself to help the cause.
I am about to tell her that is an outrageous idea, and that he could easily capture her and torture her again, but Gale speaks first. "There are too many alternative endings to that plan. Snow might decide to keep you, and torture you for information, or execute you without being present himself."
Thankfully we are on the same page. Katniss looks at him intently.
"It seems like an extreme solution...maybe if all else fails." He adds.
Not going to happen, I think to myself. But I don't dare say anything more. Katniss seems content with his response. I am sure Gale is thankful.
"Did you and Beetee discuss ideas for this end stage of the rebellion?" Cressida asks what I have been thinking for several days now.
Gale nods. "Of course we did; hovercraft ambush, detonation of the mansion, disguisable bombs. We talked about a lot of things. I just never really thought it would be our squad who would end up with a task like this. We don't have any communication with the District 13 base now. So it will really just have to depend on what we need to do in each moment, and how the other rebel squads go forward."
Suddenly the panel at the top of the stair opens. Gale is on his feet immediately, crossbow aimed. I step in front of Katniss and immediately pull my gun.
"Come on," says a gravelly voice. "I have food for you."
It is Tirgis. Her green like cat eyes are illuminated from the glow of the cellar. She gestures for us to follow her. As we climb the stairs, Cressida asks "Did you contact Plutarch?"
"No way to." Tigris shrugs. "He'll figure out you're in a safe house. Don't worry."
Somehow I feel worry and relief all at the same time. It crossed my mind that Plutarch might be able to find a way to get Katniss out of this war. But at the same time, after Coin has sent her here, I have almost no trust for any of them.
In the shop, the counter holds some stale hunks of bread, a wedge of moldy cheese, and a half bottle of mustard. I am quickly reminded that not everyone in the Capitol has full stomachs these days.
"Tigris we have plenty of canned foods in the cellar." I tell her suddenly feeling somewhat guilty that we could be consuming her last bit of nourishment.
She simply waves of my objections. "I eat next to nothing," she says. "And then, only raw meat."
This seems a little too in character, but I don't question it. Pollux scrapes off the mold from the cheese and I slice the stale bread into equal portions. For a moment I am comforted as this reminds me of home.
We eat, we watch the latest Capitol news on Tigris' flat screen television. The government has narrowed the survivors down to the five of us. Huge bounties are offered for information leading to our capture. They emphasize just how dangerous we are. They show us firing at Peacekeepers and a shot of the women Gale killed with his arrow still pierced in her body. They show Katniss on the screen occasionally, but I can't help but notice how there are no shots of her in action. No shots of her shooting arrows from the tunnels. Surely this has shocked the President as it shocked the rest of us as well. I don't think he wants to show her really fighting for the cause. I am grateful they do not have images of her fighting with Gale outside the tunnels afterwards.
"Have the rebels made a statement today?" I ask Tigris. She shakes her heads. "I doubt Coin knows what to do with the two of us now that we are alive." I add
Tigris gives a slight laugh. "Nobody knows what to do with you two hunny."
I turn to Katniss and she is looking back to me. I swear she gives me a small, yet subtle smile. I return one back to her anyways.
Downstairs after dinner Cressida helps to change Gale's bandages and we sort through the remaining supplies. After, everyone lays down into their pelts, for what will likely be the last night of rest for some.
As the night drags on I can't help the tossing and turning I am doing. My mind is racing with all of the scenarios that could play out tomorrow. I worry that Katniss could have an episode in the streets or manage to get away from me and try to help Gale and the others. Despite my efforts I know I won't be getting much sleep tonight. So instead I make myself rise to get a bottle of water, hoping to take my mind off of my never-ending thoughts. Just as I reach for a silver canteen of water, I see Gale to my left. He is tossing and turning in his pelt, the very thing I was just doing as well. I reach and grab a second canteen.
I walk over to his pelt and sit a few feet across from him. "Here." I say handing him the water.
"Thanks," he replies. "You can't sleep either?"
I shake my head.
"I wake up about ten times a night." He continues.
"To make sure Katniss is still here?" I ask.
"Something like that." Gale admits taking a drink of the water. He looks so defeated. As if he has somehow already lost her. I know this look because this is exactly how I felt for weeks upon weeks after her return to District 13. But then I decided that this defeat was not an option anymore. My defeat wouldn't help her healing in any way. I knew that she deserved more than me feeling sorry for myself. I wonder if this is what Gale is finally feeling now. I can resonate easily with how horrible that feeling is. So without hesitating I say, "She loves you, you know. She basically told me after you were whipped"
Gale basically chuckles to himself. "Don't believe it." He answers. "The way she kissed you in the Quarter Quell...well she never kissed me like that."
"It was just part of the show." I respond, but even I can hear the edge of doubt in my voice.
"No, you won her over, you gave up everything for her. You fought for her everyday. You were the first one in her observation room each day and the last to leave...She continued to push you away, but you never left. I think she realizes this now." There is a long pause and I feel overwhelmed by his words. Hearing them from anyone else would have made me feel glad, but from Gales mouth I feel a tinge of sorrow attached to them. I can't seem to place if the sorrow is for him, or for me, or for Katniss. Perhaps it is for us all.
"I should have volunteered to take your place in the first Games. Protected her then."
"You couldn't!" I reply, feeling the sudden urge to defend his actions. "She'd never have forgiven you. You had to take care of her family. They matter more to her than her own life." This is I know to be true.
"Well, it won't be an issue for much longer. I think it is unlikely all three of us will be alive at the end of the war." Gale says.
I nod my head despite my trembling because I know his words are true. Then He continues "And if by some miracle we all are, then Katniss will just have to pick the person she can't survive without."