More months pass and I flow into a routine here in Jackson. I asked Maria if she'd be okay with taking me off of patrols and put me solely in the medical cabin. She said they'd be okay without me as a patroller. I've gone to visit Jesse and Dina a lot and those visits have helped me with everything. Living with Kate and Cassie has also been amazing. It's everything I need right now. I'm currently at Jesse and Dina's since we like to get together and then Adeline and J.J can play with kids around their own age. Jesse is watching Adeline and J.J while Dina and I sit at the kitchen table.

"So, how've you been?" Dina asks me.

I shrug, "Okay. Adeline is starting to be able to talk. She called me mom the other day and I just... I can't be that, but I can't explain that to her now."

"A mom is someone more than just the person who gave birth to you."

"I know it's just... I don't know. I can't do that to Leo and Marley."

"You're not doing anything but give their daughter the best care possible. They're both gone, you don't have to feel guilty for being the person Adeline will, and does, look up to. You'll figure it out. And we can always be there for you when the time comes."

I smile at Dina. "Thanks Dina. J.J starting to look so much like Jesse."

"I know," Dina chuckles, "It's unfair. The asian genes outshine mine."

"He looks like you too though. He has your eyes and I see his freckles coming in."

Dina rolls her eyes, "Yes, but still- he's a tiny Jesse."

I laugh and shake my head, "You carry him for 9 months and he turns into his dad."

"Yeah... that's not the worst thing though. At least when the dad is Jesse."

"Yeah, but I can already tell he's gonna have your attitude. No one will mess with that kid."

"Fuck yeah they won't."

I lean on the table and gaze at Dina, "I miss you guys in Jackson. It's weird being there with all of you gone."

Dina smiles and takes my hand, "We miss you too. We miss you being our neighbour."

"I know... I just can't be there yet."

"I understand Lia. You just have to move on. I know it's hard, but we don't know if Ellie is ever going to come home."

"I know." I mutter and move my hand out of Dina's, "I'm gonna head over and check on the house. Thank you again for watching Adeline- I'll be back soon."

Dina nods, "Okay." I walk over to the guest room where J.J, Addy and Jesse are and walk over to Adeline.

"Hey baby girl. I'm going back to the house quickly, but I'll be back soon, okay?" I kiss her forehead and give a quick kiss on J.J's head before waving bye to Jesse and walking over to mine and Ellie's old house. I walk down the hill to the the familiar place. When I get back to the abandoned house I see that no ones been in here. I sigh and check around the house. I walk into Ellie's art workshop and everything's still in place. I pick up one of Ellie's old notebooks and skim through it. Normally I don't look at Ellie's notebook, but I miss her a lot and I just want to hear her, even if it's through her writing. It dates back until the moment I met her.

Entry: We have new people in town- Lia and Leo. Where they're from... is fucked. Amelia's story is so fucked up. She's very pretty I couldn't take my eyes off her. I hope she doesn't think I'm creepy. I hope Cat doesn't notice

Entry: Lia is really distant from everyone. Leo has opened up a lot to the community, but Lia generally stays far away. She has been talking to me more. It's been nice, I like listening to her.

Entry: Cat and I got in a fight today. She's jealous of all the time I've spent with Lia- says I'm getting too close. I told her not to worry about anything. She didn't believe me.

Entry: Sadie kissed Lia. I hate how it made me mad, it shouldn't. We smoked weed together and she showed me Andy and a video of them together. She really loved her...

Entry: Cat and I broke up. It was about time- we have been fighting a lot. She's just in a different place than I am. I feel like I should be more upset about it. She was my first girlfriend.

Entry: Jesse, Dina, Leo, Lia and I all hung out after patrol. We drank some beers and played some old drinking games. It was the first time Leo and Lia drank alcohol. Well, more than one beer. Lia was pretty drunk and couldn't stop laughing. It was nice, I love her laugh.

Entry: Joel finally told me the truth... he took away meaning to my life. My life could have fucking meant something.

Entry: Dina and Jesse keep teasing me about Lia. I keep telling them there's nothing, they don't believe me.

Entry: I kissed Lia today in the medical cabin. Jesus, I can't believe I fucking kissed her when she was injured. God I'm such an idiot.

I smile at all of these memories. It's nice to hear her thoughts from these moments. I don't look at anything too personal to still respect Ellie's privacy, but one entry catches my attention.

Entry: I can't stop seeing him. The blood... the screams. Everything reminds me of Joel. Everything reminds me of Lia bleeding on the ground passed out in that theatre. I thought I lost another person that I can't afford to lose. I have to finish this, but I can't put her in danger again. She has to stay safe.

"God Ellie." I whisper and put the notebook away. I look over and see Joel's guitar. I pick it up and position it on my lap. I start playing the song Joel taught Ellie. She doesn't know I learned this song on my spare time. I wanted to surprise her, so I constantly watched her hand movements when she would play. I set the guitar back down and grab a piece of paper and write a quick note for Ellie.

Ellie,

If you're reading this you made it back and see that I'm gone. I went back to Jackson. I don't know if you will ever read this but... just know that you'll always have a home in Jackson.

Lia.