A/N: sup! here we go, with the first chapter of Playing On My Mind! Buckle up, babies xx

It all kicked off and it's been playing on my mind

The whole thing has been playing on my mind

- Playing On My Mind, The 1975

Alex was going crazy.

Like, tear out her hair and put her head through a wall crazy. Her dad had said she had cabin fever, and then had laughed and told her to cheer up, because at least she didn't have an actual fever anymore. Alex had thrown her pencil case at him.

The school year was nearly over, and though the old-Alex had spent every day waiting for the holidays, to be free from school, the bed-ridden-Alex would have taken a double period of algebra over another second of staring at her bedroom walls. The doctor had even said she could go for a short walk by herself at their last visit, but when she'd attempted to go round the block, and hadn't been able to make it to the end of their street without almost falling over, her parents had placed her right back on bedrest.

In her own defence, Alex had pointed out that it was a very long street, and she'd been going up the incline. Her parents had ignored her.

And so, she had decided, she was going to make a break for freedom. The clear, sunny weekend skies were calling her name.

She'd gotten up at the crack of dawn, just after her parents rose for work, and she'd shuffled her way down stairs, hunched pathetically over a mug of tea, and when they'd arrived in the kitchen, made a big deal about having had a terrible sleep, and when they'd told her to rest up, she'd nodded sadly and trudged back up to her room to go back to bed. Alex thought she had a potential career in Hollywood. Her performance had been Winona-level perfect.

She sat up slowly as she heard her parent's cars drive away, the rest of the house still quiet. Kitty had been staying with Paul recently, and Topher lived a nocturnal lifestyle. He wouldn't rise until the afternoon. It left Alex's road to freedom clear.

The sun was gently rising by the time she started towards the beach. This time, her hike was on the downhill, and it was only after she'd breached the tree line that her weakened lungs and general out-of-shape-ness began to hit her.

She leant briefly against a tree as her breathing began to come a little ragged. Her doctor had assured her and her parents that the danger had passed, that all that remained was for whatever fluid or foreign material still in her lungs to drain naturally, and her fitness to improve again. Still, if she pushed too hard, the occasional coughing fit would still set her back. She was beginning to grow adjusted to the fact that she sounded like a heavy smoker, and had taken to popping throat lozenges like candy.

"Come on, loser." She told herself, eyeing the patches of blue ocean she could make out through the trees. "You can do it."

Doggedly, she kept on walking, tramping determinedly over bracken and stone, towards the beach. Even now, pathetic as it was, the faint touch of the salt air made her lips draw up into an involuntary smile. The flush of emotion, the memories, all pushed her harder and faster, and though her breath began to saw loudly, crackling slightly in her chest, she spilled out onto the sand with a small shout of delight.

She sighed, closing her eyes and lifting her arms to the sky, as if to touch the buttery-warm sunlight filtering down from the mercifully cloudless and clear sky. Absently, reached down to slip off her sneakers, wiggling her bare toes in the sand, and casting a look down to the water.

The waves closest to the shore were gentle, lapping at the golden sand with a rhythm she knew well.

The sudden wave of panic that hit her shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did, as her gaze went to the darker green of the water beyond the softer surf, to the high imposing silhouettes of the cliffs she had-

Alex closed her eyes, clenching her shaking hands, and willing away the chill that had gripped her.

She was okay. She was fine. She was alive.

Maybe the beach hadn't been such a good idea…

No. She was better than this.

Alex forced herself to open her eyes and take a steadying breath, and take another step towards the water, still harmlessly foaming at the shore.

Ice cold, and black like the night sky, the water closed around her, the currents dragging at her with a visceral grip. Her body was aching, lungs screaming for breath, and Bella was floundering beside her. That panicked resignation gripping her heart. They weren't going to make it. The ocean surged upon them, unforgiving. She wasn't going to make it-

She couldn't help the pathetic whimper she let out, as the sudden tumultuous flash of sensation and memory assaulted her. She was still a few feet from the water, and though it should have been easy to broach the distance, take the few steps to the surf, she couldn't.

God, what was wrong with her?

Alex pushed back her fly away hair angrily, as a breeze sent her locks flying around her face. She was better than this. But at the thought of trying again, at taking another step, she found her muscles locking up, panic freezing her in place, her body betraying her. "Fine then." She spat in the direction of the water, flipping the ocean off with shaking hands.

Her embarrassed anger carried her down the sand until her lungs began to ache again, and she was forced to slow down. She hated the feeling of being so weak. In her single minded rush down the shore, she realised she'd ended up close to the stretch of sand that was usually claimed by the Pack, the well-worn track that had been made by countless pairs of paws and feet heading through to the beach from Emily's house marked by someone's long abandoned towel.

Alex eyed the faded pink fabric hanging as a makeshift flag from one of the old dead trunks that littered the rocky line between forest soil and sand.

She hadn't come out to see them. And for almost a month and a half now, she had been actively avoiding them. At first, the calls and texts had come daily, but after the first two weeks, with her parents turning her visitors away at the door, all contact had just… dropped off.

Alex had also been determinedly ignoring the faint cold ache in her chest that had nothing to do with her pneumonia. She didn't know much about the Imprint, but she knew it had to have something to do with the accursed connection she'd been denying.

Edward's words came back to her; "Jacob needs his best friend, and so do you."

She threw her head back with a loud sigh, scowling at bright blue of the sky. Damn it. she'd regret it if she didn't try and be there for him. Jacob had made it very clear – even before the whole Imprint debacle – that she was a bad friend. If she wanted to redeem herself, then maybe – and god, she couldn't believe she was taking the advance of a vampire – maybe she needed to… be there for him.

Alex groaned, mind made up. Shaking her head at her own internal debate, she turned and stomped towards the trail. She was so going to regret this.

She knew she was nearly at the house when she started to smell muffins on the breeze. Her stomach rumbled loudly, as she was reminded just how long it had been since she'd sampled Emily's cooking. Hopefully a batch was already out of the oven.

Alex was just rehearsing an opening line, tramping doggedly through the well-flattened undergrowth, when someone burst from the trees. She screamed, voice cracking hysterically.

The tall boy that had appeared from thin air winced, throwing up his hands in surrender. "Whoa! Sorry! Sorry!"

Alex panted, clutching her chest as her heart thundered in her surprise. "What the hell, asshole?!" she scowled at the unfamiliar boy. Slowly, she put the large doe eyes and young, awkward smile together. Yeah – if she imagined him about a foot and a half shorter, skinny and long-haired – she was looking at; "Seth?"

His sheepish smile grew brilliant. "Yeah! You're Alex." He told her. She blinked at him. He grimaced again, "I, uh, I mean, I recognise you from the, um," he gestured to his temple. "It's nice to finally meet you, though!" he stuck his large hand out, and a little bemusedly, Alex shook it. His skin was just as hot as the others, grip just as tight.

"Nice to meet you too, Seth. I'm- I'm really sorry about your dad." Alex said awkwardly. She couldn't help but feel guilty. Seth probably suffered more than he needed to that day, because of her and Bella's stunt.

Seth's face drooped a little. "Thank you. Its been… well." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck in a gesture so reminiscent of Jacob that she stared, caught off guard. He seemed uncomfortable in his own grief, and in the next moment, his beaming smile was back on his face. "The others are going to be happy to see you. I mean, they haven't been able to shut up about-"

"The others?" Alex interrupted him faintly. "Who's here?" She hadn't factored in seeing the whole Pack at once.

"Oh, um, everyone." He said weakly, giving her a worried look. She must have been wearing her hesitance on her face. "But don't worry! They'll all be happy to see you!"

Alex couldn't help but picture Jacob's scowl, Quil's hurt expression, Emily's I'm-not-mad-just-disappointed face. "Um…" she wasn't so sure about that. She bit her lip, wondering how hard it would be to excuse herself and go back home.

Seth's face drooped again. "Are you going to come for lunch?" he asked hopefully, looking up from through his lashes, and- Jesus Christ! Alex could physically feel herself weaken under the sheer force of Seth's puppy dog eyes, his faint pout only adding to the sheer effect. "I'd like to get to know you properly, Alex." He said, more than a little sorrowfully.

Alex gaped at him. "Um," she repeated dumbly. "I, uh, I guess so." She said hopelessly.

Like the sudden reflection of sunlight on the water, Seth was smiling again, bright and sparkling. "Awesome!" he turned on his heel, "Emily's gonna make burgers, I was supposed to go look for Embry, because Sam's firing up the grill, but then I could hear you walking up. Your lungs are shot, by the way. You are like the noisiest breather I've ever heard. Do you smoke?" Alex walked on after Seth, his babbling monologue washing over here as they got closer to Emily's house.

"I don't…smoke." She responded distractedly, panic starting to rise in her as the undergrowth gave way to a gravel path.

"Well, that's good I guess. It's terrible for your health." Seth rambled on, turning to give her an approving look over his shoulder. "You got a lung disease or something?"

"Or something." Alex said dryly, stepping out of the trees after Seth, and shooting a glare at the back of his head. "The doctors just call it aspiration pneumonia, with the remnants of a little concussion. Tends to happen after being left to your own devices after drowning."

It came out louder and sharper than she had intended, and it made the sudden hush that had fallen over the surroundings more prominent. Alex felt her stomach drop, like it did at the top of a rollercoaster, and reluctantly stepped out from behind Seth's bulk to make uncomfortable eye contact with the members of the Pack that had been, up until a few moments ago, enjoying a sunny Saturday.

Jared and Paul were paused literally mid throw, Jared snatching the football they'd been tossing out of the air in an almost sheepish gesture. Her sister was looking at her over a magazine in her grip, an unreadable expression on her face. Kim was supporting a chubby little girl on her hip that Alex recognized as Claire Young, her mom, Rosemary Young, sitting next to Sue Clearwater on the wicker chairs on the porch, both of them frowning at her.

And Sam. Sam by the massive grill, staring at her through the smoke beginning to rise. Sam with dark eyes and a furrowed brow. Sam, who had left her on the stones, Sam, who had pushed life back into her lungs, Sam, who had been there for her, and who she hadn't realised she had missed so much.

"-honey, don't you think? Honey? Sam?"

And Emily.

Emily coming from the house with a stack of plastic plates in her grip, Emily with bare feet, Emily with wide eyes, Emily who gasped and dropped the plates. They went bouncing across the patio, and down the steps, and Sue and Rosemary sprung up and hurried to gather them. As if the spell was broken, Emily blinked, tearing her eyes away from Alex, and stooped alongside the other women to pick up her plates.

"Damn. I'm going to have to go clean these now. Sorry, girls. Thank you- thank you." Emily was mumbling to herself slightly, and Alex stepped towards her. The tableau sprung back to life, and Alex tried to pretend that there weren't eyes on her anymore. Emily straightened at her approach, watching her almost warily as she bent at the bottom of the steps to pick up the last plate.

"Do you want some help…um, washing?" Alex offered weakly. Emily gulped audibly, hands fluttering over the stack of plates, and nodded. Alex followed her inside. Despite knowing she was still very much within ear shot of all the wolves in the vicinity, she couldn't deny that having walls between them all made her relax slightly. Emily was already running the tap, and Alex eyed the hard set of the elder woman's shoulders with trepidation. Right. She'd practiced this. "Um, Emily. And Sam. I guess. I mean, really anyone who can hear and is listening, so I'm guessing most of you." She began, addressing Emily and the Pack at large, again thankful for the walls that hid her burning cheeks from view. God, she hated apologising. And she was shit at it too.

"I just wanted to apologize. I'm really sorry for my behaviour these last few weeks. I'm sorry I said I didn't want to see you, and-"

"Oh, Alex!" Emily wailed suddenly, turning around in a splash of foamy water. Alex jumped, taking in Emily's dangerously crumpled face in horror. Please don't cry, please don't cry, please- "You shouldn't be apologizing! God! Do you have any idea how worried we've been?!" Alex winced. Even the humans outside could hear that. "I- we- you should not have been left alone. You should have been taken straight to hospital. I thought – and I did not blame you," with a furious glare at the forest that gave Alex some clue as to who she did blame, "I thought you were done. With all of this." It was times like this, with her poise stripped away, with the illusion of wisdom gone, that Alex was reminded just how young Emily was.

Shit.

Emily and Sam were only a few years older than Kitty and Paul. Too young to be shouldered with everything. And whilst Emily said she shouldn't be apologizing, Alex wanted to apologize again for making her worry. Because who was she kidding; whether it was wolfy-mojo, ancient magic, or just her own hopeless attachment – she had missed them. Missed them all. So much.

"And I couldn't talk to your parents about it, because what would I say? And you weren't speaking to Kitty either, so I thought, well, she must be. I thought you would press charges!" Emily wailed again. "You could have died."

"Yeah, that's what the doctor said." Alex tried to say cheerfully. "Luckily, I got to the hospital before I started having seizures." Emily let out a wordless cry, water going everywhere again. Alex winced at her misstep. "But don't worry! I didn't have seizures. I mean, I had one, but that was because of the fever. Not the head injury." Emily looked pained, and Alex shook her head at herself. "Sorry. I'm just- Look. You don't have to worry. About me. I'm here."

Emily sniffled, looking determinedly into the soapy water before her. Alex awkwardly stepped around her to grab a tea towel, and began to dry the plates Emily had washed. "I'm here." She repeated. Emily nodded weakly, and pulled off her bright pink gloves. This close, Alex could smell her shampoo and the lingering traces of muffins, and something that was just Emily, and when the elder woman pulled her in for a hug, she leant into her.

Emily kept her face buried in Alex's shoulder for a suspiciously long time, but when she pulled back, there were no tear marks on her cheeks, just a worried look to her eyes. "We missed you, chicken."

"Yeah." Alex bit at her lip. "I guess – I mean, yeah. I did too." She narrowed her eyes at the quiet laugh from outside that sounded suspiciously like Jared. Her stomach rumbled loudly, and Emily chuckled, the heavy atmosphere effectively broken.

"Come on then. Grab those plates for me. I need to get the soda." Emily clapped her hands, and Alex rolled her eyes.

"Already putting me to work." She muttered, making Emily grin again. "You're a slave driver." Emily flicked an imaginary whip, and Alex obediently picked up the stack of plates. Outside, the others were engaged in conversation, giving no indication as to how much they had heard, but Sue gave her a small smile, and Jared shot her a wink over Paul's shoulder.

Alex marched doggedly towards the grill, pretending her heart wasn't racing nervously as she approached Sam. Sam turned at her approach, and set down his tongs, squaring his shoulders in an awfully familiar stance. Alex set down the plates next to the grill with equal seriousness, and turned to face him. For a moment, they stared at each other, Alex willing her lungs – starting to struggle in the hot, dry air of the grill – to hold steady.

Then his face split into a wide smile, and he reached out to tug her into a tight embrace.

Alex blinked, unsure whether to be surprised or frightened as Sam gave her a gentle shake of affection. Slowly, she brought her arms up around him as far as she could reach, and squeezed him back. "It's good to see you, kiddo." He said gruffly, and set her back on her feet with a fierce ruffle of her hair.

"I'm not a kid." She muttered irritably, brushing her hair back down, unable to hide her own grin. He laughed quietly, turning back to the mountains of meat on the grill. Alex frowned, a sudden realisation making her spin in place. "Wait – where are-"

"ALEXANDRA FAYE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"