...And that's it! That's where this convoluted story ends. This is where the plot will stay until further notice. Before we tie things off for good, I'll leave you with one last lighthearted chapter from my angsty high-schooler self. Enjoy!
This chapter was written in celebration of this story's one year anniversary.
Anniversary Chapter: Who Touched My Gun!?
"...she weighs 150 kilograms and fires $200 custom-tooled cartridges at 10000 rounds per minute." Soldier 76 sat across the table from Heavy, listening intently. On the table, laid Sasha, Heavy's minigun. Heavy looked Soldier 76 in the eyes. "It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon…" He leaned in close. "...for twelve seconds." Soldier 76 chuckled. The two of them were in Heavy's room, where Heavy was giving Soldier 76 a complete rundown of Sasha's inner workings.
"Very impressive. Overwatch's standard miniguns can only fire up to 6000 rounds per minute. That's some serious firepower you've got there." He remarked. Heavy nodded proudly.
"I had Sasha custom built by best gunsmith in all of Russia. Very respectable man. Charged very reasonable price as well." He put a hand on Sasha's barrel, rotating it slightly. "She and I have been through many hardships on battlefield." Soldier 76 was mesmerized by the clicking sound of Sasha's barrel rotating.
"That's one mean machine for sure." He muttered. His outstretched hand slowly crept towards Sasha's barrel. Before he reached it, Heavy firmly grabbed it out of the air, snapping Soldier 76 out of his trance. He looked up at Heavy's stern expression.
"Do not...touch...Sasha." He warned. Soldier 76 tried to break free, but to no avail. "I do not care how important you are, Sasha is off limits." He released Soldier 76's hand, who stumbled back, rubbing his wrist.
"Hmph, if you say so." He said, glaring back at Heavy. A brief stretch of awkward silence loomed over the room as the atmosphere grew less friendly by the second.
"Well, I must be going now. Doctor needs me to show his girlfriend benefits of having goat stomach instead of human one." Heavy hopped off his work stool and drew a clean, white tarp over Sasha. He fastened the tarp's corners down to the legs of the table tightly. "Remember…" Heavy growled. "I see one finger smudge on Sasha when I get back, I will find way to squash you like bug." Soldier 76 waved his hand dismissively.
"Psh, whatever...it's not like I wanted to touch it anyways…" Heavy looked skeptical about Soldier 76's statement.
"Leave this room. Now." Heavy ordered, pointing to the door. "I do not trust your grubby hands with Sasha." Aggravated, Soldier 76 stood up to his full height, despite still falling short of Heavy's massive frame.
"Is that how you talk to your superiors? As Strike-Commander, I'll leave on my own accord." Heavy glowered down at Soldier 76, his patience visibly running out. Behind his tough guy act, Soldier 76 did feel a bit threatened by Heavy's menacing figure. "You know, I think I'll leave now. It's the mature thing to do to help the quell this...situation." He said, making his way towards the door. Heavy trailed after Soldier 76, steering him out like a police officer escorting a convict. Once the two of them had exited, Heavy gave Soldier 76 one last threatening glare before walking down the hallway towards the medical bay. Soldier 76 stood in silence, watching Heavy move further and further away. The moment Heavy turned the corner, he pulled out his administrator keycard and scanned it on the keypad beside Heavy's room.
"A minigun that can fire 10000 rounds per minute? No machine gun in the world can achieve that." He muttered to himself. A small beep was heard as the keypad released the lock on the door. Soldier 76 quietly opened the door and snuck in. "If this hunk of junk from the 1900's can outfire the best of Overwatch's state-of-the-art weaponry…This prompts further investigation." He looked at the desk where Sacha laid, under the white tarp. He smiled smugly. This was too easy.
*chik*
Suddenly, a hidden sledgehammer swung down from the ceiling, nailing Soldier 76 in the face. He flew backwards out of the room, slamming against the hard tile floor. He laid on the floor for a few moments, stunned by the blow. Blood started pouring out of his broken nose, which he quickly, but painfully snapped back into place. He took out one of his biotic field generators, activated it, and held it up to his face. Once his broken nose and other injuries had been healed, he slowly got back up, seething with anger. He stomped back into Heavy's room, only to make it a few feet in before getting violently blasted back out by a concussive mine. He slammed against the floor of the hallway once again, his ears ringing from the blast.
"Commander Morrison! No!" Soldier had caught sight of Soldier 76 from down the hallway. He rushed to his side and knelt. "Sir! Are we under attack? Should I sound the alarm and call the president again? Not with my phone though. I think he blocked my number..." Soldier looked up at where Soldier 76 flew out from. His eyes widened with shock."Wait...is that...Heavy's room?" Immediately, he stood and started backing up. "Sir. If you value your life, I suggest that you run far, far away from here." Soldier 76 looked up in confusion. The ringing in his ears had just started to subside, which means that he didn't hear a single thing Soldier said. "If Heavy asks, tell him I was never here." With that, Soldier turned around and ran away, leaving Soldier 76 baffled to what just happened. Finally, the ringing had completely faded away, allowing Soldier 76 to stand back up.
"Did he...just activate those booby traps? I don't remember those being there before…" He muttered to himself, rubbing the back of his head. "I can't do this alone…"
"What happened 'ere!?" Soldier 76 looked to the side. Junkrat was walking towards him from down the hallway. "I was just gettin' some beauty sleep in my room nearby until I heard a J8-Kesler Concussion mine go off!" Soldier 76's eyes lit up. Junkrat was someone who specialized in preparing booby traps. Perhaps he could help him out.
"Jamison! You see that white tarp in that room?" Soldier 76 asked as he pointed at Sasha. "It's surrounded by multiple booby traps. If you can retrieve what's under the tarp, then I'll double your pay." Junkrat held a boney finger up to Soldier 76's face.
"Nuh-uh-uh! Obviously whatever's under that tarp is real important to you, so I really wanna wring you out for this favor…" Soldier 76 sighed.
"Fine. What else do you want." Junkrat gave a sly smile.
"If you can give me one of Tracer's little pulse bombs, I'll gladly fetch whatever's under that tarp for you…" Soldier 76 hesitated briefly. Junkrat had been trying to steal Tracer's pulse bombs ever since he first saw it in action. He had gotten his hands on one of them before, but his excessive tinkering with it led to the partial destruction of the Overwatch base in Hawaii. This time, however, Demoman was here to make sure that Junkrat's volatile curiosity was kept (mostly) under control. With that thought in mind, Soldier 76 nodded.
"Fine. You'll get your pulse bomb. Just don't-" Before he could finish speaking, Junkrat was already in Heavy's room, scanning the floor for traps.
"Crikey… this place is just crawlin' with tripwires, mines, and other doo-hickies." His eyes darted back and forth, identifying all the threats in the room. "At least none of this stuff is fatal." He muttered. Junkrat began to move deeper into the room, cautiously stepping over the almost invisible tripwires. Soldier 76 watched with anticipation as Junkrat inched closer and closer to the final goal. Suddenly, Junkrat froze in place, letting out a quiet squeal. Red laser sights suddenly appeared all over his body. Soldier 76's eyes widened. "Jack, I tripped some sorta motion sensor. If I move, I'm gonna get tased to next Tuesday. Get help." Junkrat sputtered. His breathing quickened as he tried to keep as still as possible.
"This is quite a dilemma you've got here." Spy's smooth voice caught Soldier 76's ear. He decloaked beside him, cigarette in hand.
"How long have you been there?" Soldier 76 asked.
"Long enough." Spy took a short drag on his cigarette. "If I manage to retrieve Sasha for you, will I also be rewarded?" Soldier 76 nodded.
"What do you ask for?" Spy smirked.
"Double my pay…"
"Done." Soldier 76 said. Spy cleared his throat.
"...and I wish for a pre-arranged date with Lena Oxton." He finished. Soldier 76 looked away.
"I'm afraid that's not my choice to make." He said. Spy chuckled.
"No. I'm just asking you to pay for a dinner for two in Las Vegas, along with scheduling a private jet and buying a strapless scarlet dress with matching scarlet heels." An image of a rather seductive looking Tracer in a strapless red dress flashed in Soldier 76's head. He smiled.
"Heh. Sure then. I'll get everything set up for the date. Also...can you…get me a picture of Tracer in that dress?" Spy raised an eyebrow. "I-it's because I've…never seen her in a dress…that's all." Soldier 76 muttered sheepishly. Spy smiled.
"It's understandable. After all, Tracer is a rather good looking dame, if I do say so mysel-"
"GUYS! Stop your yappin' and help me for christ's sake!" Junkrat hissed. His face was twisted with strain as he struggled to stay still. "I'm aboutta become french toast and you pervs are hittin' on Tracer behind her back? Get your priorities straight!" Spy and Soldier 76 sighed.
"Well, I believe I'll get moving then." Spy said, adjusting his tie. He calmly walked to the entrance of Heavy's room. "Just hold on for a few more moments, Junkrat." With those words, Spy cloaked and ventured into the room. Soldier 76 and Junkrat both watched nervously as the sound of footsteps neared Sasha's desk. Junkrat felt something pass him. After a few moments, the footsteps stopped. The room grew deathly silent.
Suddenly, a massive spark of electricity flashed across Sasha's tarp. "GAAAH!" Spy shouted out in pain as his Invis-watch shorted out, rendering him visible again. He tumbled backwards, triggering several tripwires. An assortment of heavy objects swung and dropped down from the ceiling in an attempt to crush the intruder. Spy franticly tried to dodge them, but ran straight onto a concussion mine doing so. Soldier 76 quickly dodged to the side as Spy flew straight out of the room headfirst with a deafening boom. He faceplanted into the hard tile floor, knocking him out cold. Meanwhile, Junkrat was at his limit. He whimpered in stillful fear as chaos unfolded around him, with all of the falling objects narrowly missing him. Suddenly, an anvil dropped onto his foot, creating a sickening crack that echoed across the room.
"YEEEOW!" The moment Junkrat tried to pull his foot out from under the anvil, four taser cartridges shot out from within the walls and latched themselves onto Junkrat's body. Thinking quickly, he immediately threw himself onto a concussion mine before the tasers could administer a shock. He came flying out of the room, landing on top of Spy. Despite being blasted away like that, Junkrat sighed in relief. "Could've been a lot worse..." His words faded away as he noticed something. The tasers were still stuck to him, their abnormally long wires trailing out from the room. Junkrat grimaced. "Son of a bitch…"
*ZAAAP*
"YAAARRGH!" Junkrat and Spy both screamed. Spy quickly snapped awake and threw Junkrat off of him, disconnecting himself from the electric shock. Junkrat flopped around like a fish out of water, yelling out in pain. Soldier 76 swiftly grabbed the wires and gave them a firm yank, pulling the cartridges off Junkrat. His excessive twitching subsided, leaving him in an exhausted and wide-eyed state. Soldier 76 sighed and took another biotic field generator off his belt. He deployed it next to Junkrat and Spy, who both sighed in relief as the biotic field worked its magic. Soldier 76 turned towards the wrecked room. All the furniture were scattered around, some of them smashed in by the falling objects. The only area in the room untouched by the chaos was Sasha's desk.
"Y'know, you can go in now." Junkrat wheezed. Soldier 76 raised an eyebrow at him. "Spy and I tripped just about every trap in there. I can't see a single mine or tripwire in your way." Spy nodded.
"Yes. The tarp was electrified, but I managed to attach a sapper to it before I got shocked. It should be harmless now." He noted. Soldier 76 smiled victoriously.
"You two have done good. Now rest up. You'll both get your rewards as soon as possible." He said proudly. Through his pain, Junkrat snickered mischievously as thoughts of Tracer's pulse bomb flooded his mind. Spy licked his lips at the thought of his impending date. Soldier 76 marched into Heavy's room. He walked right up to Sasha without a single obstruction, surprising him mildly. He saw the sapper sitting on top of the tarp, hissing away as it diverted its electric power. "Well, this is it." He muttered to himself, grabbing the sapper by the handle. With a flourish of white cloth, he threw the tarp off of Sasha, revealing her in all its glory at last. His eyes ran up and down Sacha's body, enraptured. "Alright you beautiful hunk of junk. You're coming with me." He said quietly to himself. His hand reached towards Sasha's handle slowly, the look of greed in his eyes.
"Well. This is not big surprise." A deep voice rumbled behind him. Soldier 76 jumped, his hand accidentally tipping over Sasha's desk. Sasha clattered against the floor noisily, sliding onto an undetonated concussion mine tucked away towards the back wall of the room. It went off with a loud bang, launching Sasha upwards. There was a deafening crack as Sasha's barrel lodged itself into the plaster ceiling. There it hung for a few dreadfully long seconds before the body broke away from the barrel and fell back down, smashing into a million pieces. Grim silence followed. Soldier 76 was left speechless. He turned around slowly to see Heavy standing there with Junkrat and Spy caught in headlocks. Soldier 76 gulped in fear. Heavy's expression was calm, which just put him off edge even more. After a few seconds, Heavy slowly leaned in close to Soldier 76 face, making him back up a bit.
"Now, let's not rush to conclusions here…" Soldier 76 suggested fearfully. Heavy continued to just stare at him calmly. Suddenly, Heavy chuckled. Before long, he had burst into hysterics, dropping Junkrat and Spy onto the floor. The two accomplices gasped for air as their airways cleared up. Soldier 76 was left confused as Heavy's hearty laughter filled the room.
"Oh ho ho! I knew getting Engineer to install security measures was good idea!" He exclaimed. "It was worth it to get fake Sasha and see little thieves get crushed! Ha ha ha!" Soldier 76's eyes widened with shock.
"Th-that was a fake? You planned all this?" He asked in disbelief. Heavy nodded proudly.
"Da! Engineer helped me with details, but it truly was best plan!" He said. Soldier 76's face immediately turned a bright shade of red. He walked out of the room, flustered. Junkrat and Spy both noticed him leave.
"Oi Where'd you think you're goin'!?" Junkrat asked loudly.
"You promised us compensation, Jack! Get back here!" Spy added. The two of them sprung to their feet and raced after Soldier 76 angrily. Heavy chuckled./p
"They are all such children…" He remarked. He bent down and picked up one of the fake Sasha parts. "I should go get real Sasha back from armoury. It-" Suddenly, noticed something odd about the part. He ran his fingers over its shiny, black surface slowly. The feeling of cold metal filled them, causing Heavy to drop the part in horror. The fake one was made out of plastic.
This was the real Sasha.
"MORRISON!"
If you've managed to make it all the way through this unfinished, incoherent mess of an story, then you have my congratulations. Before you go and read the updated version to cleanse your palate, I ask of but one last favor from you, dear reader.
Please tell me what you liked about this old story as a whole. There are tidbits here I'd like to salvage for my new story and I want to know what the general populous thinks they are. Thank you, and I'll see you on the new and improved version of Mercs and Heroes.