Thanks to Irene and Tori, for soundboarding throughout this true chunky boi of a chapter, and also for encouraging my evil streak. (Don't hurt me). I have a plan. It'll all become clear. Lower the pitchforks.
Your Case or Mine
Chapter 23
When Emma awoke, she felt as though she'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson in her sleep. Her side felt like she was being stabbed everytime she breathed in, her head was banging, and she felt like she hadn't slept in a month. Groaning as she cracked an eye open to glance at her bedside clock, and seeing it was only 7:30am, she silently cursed her body for waking up a whole hour before her alarm.
As the hazy memories of the night before came back to her - saying goodnight to Killian, being pulled out of her nightmares by him and falling asleep feeling safe in his arms - she winced. She vaguely recalled showering in the middle of the night, and she supposed she'd popped some stitches, considering her first aid kid sat on the dresser. That would also explain the extra sharp, insistent pain from the side of her chest.
Blinking back the images from her nightmare that flashed behind her eyes uninvited, Emma pushed herself up and quickly got out of bed, gritting her teeth against the pain. She could already smell coffee, and that was enough of an incentive to grin and bear it through the initial discomfort of moving.
Killian had left a glass of water and pain meds next to her bed, and that made her smile a little. Always so thoughtful. She threw a couple of the pills back and made a quick stop in her bathroom to brush her teeth and splash her face with some water to wake her up properly, before heading out to the kitchen.
"You're up early, making my kitchen smell delicious."
She said by way of greeting, and he spun around, spatula in hand. He was in front of her stove, and by the smell of things, she'd be having more than just her usual Poptart for breakfast.
"Ah, good morning, love. How are you feeling?"
She gave him a bright, but forced, smile, shrugging her shoulders.
"Like I got shot in the chest and shoulder. But other than that...peachy."
Killian frowned. She knew he hated it when she made light of what she went through, but it was her coping mechanism. He shook his head, but didn't comment, and instead shovelled a heap of perfectly-seasoned scrambled eggs onto a plate alongside a few slices of toast.
"All you had were milk, eggs and bread, so...scrambled eggs and toast it is. And perhaps a trip to the store might be in order later to make your fridge look a little less depressing."
He chuckled, changing the subject away from her injuries, and Emma slipped onto one of her breakfast bar stools, grinning in reply and gratefully accepting the plate and the cup of coffee he pushed towards her.
She made what could only be described as an obscene noise in reaction to her first mouthful of the ridiculously good scrambled eggs, and if she hadn't closed her eyes to savor the taste, she would've seen the way Killian gulped instinctively.
"Jesus Christ, Killian," she said after swallowing the mouthful, "How did you learn how to make everything you cook taste so incredible? These are the best scrambled eggs I've had in my entire life," she grinned after taking a sip of coffee, "But don't tell Granny I said that, or she might take away my regulars' discount."
Killian chuckled again, scrubbing a hand through his hair and shrugging.
"Noted. My brother taught me how to cook before he left for the Navy. Didn't want me to starve while he was away, I suppose. I'm glad you're enjoying it, love."
"I'm gonna miss having my own personal chef when you go back home."
Emma joked, but Killian's smile faltered, and he turned away with a noncommittal noise that fell short of amusement, busying himself with moving the pans to the sink before she noticed the change in his demeanour.
"That was quite a nightmare you had last night…"
He said slowly, his back still to her. She didn't respond, so he turned back, and found her staring down blankly at her food, seemingly having lost her appetite as she pushed it around her plate.
"Swan...do you want to talk about it, lass? Was it...him?"
Emma clenched her jaw, determined to keep the flashbacks of her nightmare from replaying in her mind again. The images were still vivid. She fought back a wave of nausea and panic, and instead took a steadying breath.
"Yeah. It was him. It was that fucking basement, and him."
Killian rounded the kitchen island to stand beside her and turned her stool until she was facing him. When she finally lifted a wary gaze to meet his, she felt like he was staring right down into her soul. But she couldn't look away. When he spoke, his voice was soft but full of conviction.
"Emma, darling. Listen to me. He will never hurt you again. He'll never hurt anyone again. The son-of-a-bitch is burning in hell right now, where he belongs, and you're here, safe. You survived him. And what you went through...I'd love to stand here and tell you it'll go away, but I'm not going to lie to you, love. It won't. It'll always be a part of you. But it'll fade, and the nightmares will get less frequent; you'll go days, and then weeks, and then months without thinking about it, or him. You'll be as strong as you've always been, and it won't change a single thing about who you are here," he reached out and gently tapped over her heart, "but it'll just become a part of your jigsaw. That doesn't give him any kind of power over you though, I want you to remember that, Swan. His power is gone, just like him."
Emma had tears slipping down her cheeks by the time he finished, and he tenderly reached up to brush them away, smiling sadly at her.
"You always know what to say to me, to make me feel stronger than I think I am. And I'm glad he's gone, but I know the nightmares aren't gonna go away for awhile. It wasn't…" she paused, letting out a shaky sigh and trying to find her words, "the nightmare wasn't...it wasn't me he was hurting. It was the basement and it was Neal...but he was making me watch while he...w-while he hurt you. It was you I was losing. I wasn't hurt; I was screaming at him to stop, and you...you were just...he wouldn't stop."
A sob caught in her throat and she closed her eyes when the familiar wave of anguish she'd felt in her nightmare washed over her as she relived it again.
Killian stared at her in shock. He hadn't expected that and he wasn't quite sure how to respond. When she dared a glance up at him again, she saw his shocked expression, and swallowed thickly, trying to turn her stool around and make a hasty retreat with an excuse ready on her lips. But Killian stopped her, and reached out to gently cup her cheeks in his hands, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.
"I'm right here. Look at me, darling," he encouraged pleadingly, and she finally obliged, "I promise you, I'm alright. He can't get to either of us now, or ever."
Killian paused, his gaze dropping to her lips, and he slowly leaned forward to close the space between them, giving her time to pull back while also meeting her gaze again briefly to ask for silent permission. Emma didn't pull away. She leaned into him, her heart racing and her hands shaking as she gripped the stool she sat on. He pressed his lips to hers in a chaste, tender kiss that she melted into.
It was a kiss of reassurance and a promise, that he was okay, and that her nightmares remained in the dark, outside of their reality. Neal couldn't hurt either of them now. He reluctantly broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against hers as both of them kept their eyes closed and just allowed the moment to linger.
"I should go get ready…"
Emma whispered, but made no immediate effort to move. Killian smiled, sharing her reluctance to break them out of their little bubble. He dropped another quick kiss to her lips, and he could feel the curl of her smile as he did so. She finally pulled back, shaking her head at him with a soft giggle that made his heart flutter.
"I really need to go get ready," she insisted, but paused when she reached the archway of the kitchen that led out to the living room, turning back to him, "Killian…?"
"Yes, love?"
He knew he was gazing at her with a dopey, dreamy smile on his face, but he couldn't help it. He was so far gone for this woman, and he wished he could admit that to her without fear of instant rejection.
Wait for the right moment.
Emma hesitated, biting her lip.
"Could you...will you come with me today? To lunch with Henry and his family. I'm kinda freaking out about it. And you've met them before. Parents probably love you and your British charm," she rolled her eyes good naturedly when he wiggled his eyebrows at her, "So if they don't like me...at least you'll be a good buffer."
Killian shook his head and huffed a sigh.
"I told you, you have nothing to worry about. But of course I'll come with you, Swan, if it'll make you feel more comfortable. I'll hold your hand through the whole lunch. Metaphorically, of course. Unless you wish for me to literally hold your hand, because I certainly wouldn't be opposed."
He wiggled his eyebrows again, trying to lighten the mood for her. She rolled her eyes once more as she headed toward her room, but he didn't miss the smile tugging at the corner of her lips before she went.
CS
They arrived 20 minutes early at the Tatte Bakery and Café, just up the street from Boston Common, where they'd planned to meet Henry and his parents for lunch. Emma had insisted on setting out much too early, just in case the traffic was heavy. Showing up late and making a bad impression right from the start was something she wanted to avoid at all costs. She was already jittery enough without that kind of added stress.
She'd also argued against wearing her shoulder sling when Killian had reminded her to put it on, pointing out that there was no way she could drive her stick shift car with one arm strapped up. He'd known it was a losing battle, and she'd grinned like a smug teenager as she'd grabbed her keys.
When she'd pulled into the St. James Ave parking garage, just around the corner from the café, she'd been lucky enough to grab a parking space immediately. Killian had placed a gentle hand on her jean-clad thigh to stop her leg from bouncing once she killed the engine.
She'd opted for jeans and boots, with a fitted light grey pointelle sweater under her red leather jacket. She'd spent much longer than she usually would trying to decide what to wear, and Killian had assured her she looked perfect. But she'd rolled her eyes and accused him of saying that no matter what she wore and he'd simply shrugged with a sparkle in his eyes.
"Deep breaths, lass. They're probably not there yet, so we can go in and get a coffee, to settle your nerves, if you wish?"
Emma nodded, taking a few deep but shaky breaths and tucking her hair behind her ear before she got out of the car. He casually caught her hand in his and squeezed reassuringly as they left the garage and turned onto Boylston Street. It felt like a small victory when she didn't pull away.
She slowed down noticeably as they crossed the street and neared the café, and Killian tugged at her hand, stopping her.
"Hey, look at me," she finally shifted her nervous gaze to him, and he smiled, "Deep breaths, remember."
Emma's shoulders slumped, and she sighed, clearly frustrated with herself.
"I know it's stupid, getting this nervous over meeting my kid's adoptive family. But I...I just really want it to go well. I want them to be okay with me seeing him again. And I've never exactly been someone parents like. Otherwise I suppose I would've been adopted, wouldn't I?"
She smiled self-deprecatingly, slipping her hand out of Killian's to wrap her arms around herself. An obvious defence mechanism. He guided her away from the middle of the sidewalk, where they could talk without glares from inconvenienced Bostonians who were being forced to walk around them.
"Like I said before, Swan, you've got nothing to worry about. They're going to love you. They haven't invited you here to judge you or scrutinize your life. They want to say thank you for getting Henry back to them safe and sound. You're his birth mother, and you gave them the world by bringing Henry into it. Meeting you is as important to them as it is to you, and they're probably nervous too. But you are so incredibly easy to love, Emma, and they'll see that, don't worry."
Emma's eyes widened slightly, any reply she might have had getting lodged in her throat with the gravity of his final sentence. Her heart was racing, and words had never been her forté, so instead she reacted instinctively and stepped closer to him, hands reaching for the lapels of his jacket and gently tugging him to her. When she kissed him, it was slow and gentle and full of gratitude. For once, her aversion to public displays of affection had gone out of the window, and she needed him to know how much his reassurance and support meant to her.
With the awareness at the back of her mind that they were still in public though, on a relatively busy city sidestreet on a weekday lunchtime, she refrained from deepening the kiss, as much as she would've liked to. It was unnervingly easy to get lost in him, and she consciously reined herself in, dropping back off her tiptoes and letting go of his jacket lapels. She smoothed her hands over his chest and bit her lip, opening her eyes to meet his wondrous gaze.
"Well, well, would you look at you two!"
Emma stepped back as though she'd been burned, spinning around to meet the signature smirk of her friend.
"Ruby...uh, what are you doing here?"
Emma asked breathlessly, as though they were kids caught sneaking around. Killian ran a hand through his hair, offering Ruby a small smile of greeting, which didn't quite reach his eyes. It wasn't as though he was pleased with the interruption, after all.
But Ruby appeared undeterred, eyes sparkling as her gaze darted between them.
"I was dropping off some lunch to my new girlfriend. She works in an office down the street. But I'll tell you about that another time. You look good, Emma, considering what you've been through," her smile turned sympathetic, "Will updated us on everything while you were in the hospital. We've been so worried about you."
She reached out to squeeze Emma's arm then, before glancing back at Killian again as Emma replied.
"Thanks, Ruby. I'm fine. Just glad to be out of the hospital."
"Mhmm, I'll bet. Especially with a hunk like this to take care of you while you recover," her smirk was back, "So, you two are really a thing now, huh? Gotta say, you make a ridiculously hot couple-"
"No, that's not-...we're friends."
Emma cut her off, somewhat flustered, and Killian couldn't help but feel like she'd sucker punched him in the chest, right there in the middle of the street. He clenched his jaw to avoid letting the hurt show on his face, but he couldn't deny that he felt sick to his stomach with disappointment.
Ruby looked entirely unconvinced, and raised one perfectly-arched eyebrow in response.
"Yeah, okay, babe. I kiss all my friends like that too," she rolled her eyes and a fierce blush colored Emma's cheeks, "But what are you guys doing here anyway? Upgrading from Granny's for a little lunch date? If you weren't making out with Tall, Dark & Scrumptious here in the middle of the street, I'd have guessed you were trying to keep him on the downlow, Emma. No need though, I'm happy for you. It's about time you had a man other than Will or Dave in your life."
Killian suspected that Ruby got a kick out of making Emma all flustered and flushed, and he couldn't deny that she was endlessly endearing with pink cheeks and the way she huffed in frustration as she stumbled over an indignant response.
"That's not-...we're not…" she shook her head, folding her arms and glancing up at the café before dropping her gaze to the ground and sighing, "I'm...I'm meeting my son's family."
She finally said, her voice softer and quieter than before. The smirk dropped from Ruby's face as she stared at her friend in surprise.
"Your...son? I had no idea you-...wow. Uh...congratulations? Or, good luck? I don't really know what's customary to say to that."
It was the first time Killian had heard Ruby sound uncertain or unsure of what to say. He may have only met her a few times, but she struck him as someone who was rarely speechless.
"Thanks. I wasn't sure how much Will told you…"
"He told us you two were undercover for awhile - we kinda figured it was a work thing when you didn't come to the diner for a couple weeks - and that you were trying to catch the psycho serial killer everyone's been so freaked out about lately. He kept us updated about how you were, when you were in the hospital. We were all so worried about you. But he didn't say anything about you having a kid…"
"That psycho serial killer was my ex boyfriend. My kid's dad. It was...complicated. But I'm okay," she glanced at Killian, who managed a small, tight smile and a nod, "And now my kid's adoptive parents want to meet me. I'm a little nervous, I guess."
She gave a shaky smile, and Ruby suddenly pulled her into a hug. Emma stiffened, wincing at the pain the sudden movement caused her.
"Shit, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay. I'm still a little sore, that's all. Got shot a few times," when Ruby's eyes widened, Emma shrugged it off, "Hazard of the job. I'll live."
Killian shook his head, and when Ruby met his gaze, he knew she could tell Emma was playing down her injuries. He supposed she knew her friend well enough to see through it.
"Well, I better let you get going then. I hope your kid's parents know what a badass you are. And come to the diner soon. Granny will be really happy to see you back," Emma offered a small smile and a nod when Ruby squeezed her arm once again, "Okay. I'll see you soon, Emma. Bye, Hot Stuff. Make sure she looks after herself."
She gave them both a wave as she headed off, flashing a grin and a wink at Killian. He still felt like he had a brick sitting in the pit of his stomach, but he managed to force a smile anyway.
CS
The place was characteristically bustling when they walked in. But luckily, it was one of the bigger locations of the Tatte franchise, and many of the customers were taking lunch to go, so Emma had no problem grabbing two tables together, off to the side, which could comfortably accommodate five of them.
She'd glanced around the rustic, black-and-white tiled café nervously, for any sign that she'd missed Henry's mop of dark hair on her first sweep of the place. But to her relief, it appeared she and Killian had arrived first.
After sitting down and carefully shrugging off her jacket, she knotted her hands together and tried to squash down the wave of nervousness that was making her palms a little sweaty.
"I'll get us some coffees while we wait."
Killian said, his voice a little flat. But Emma was too jittery to read more into that and simply nodded in response, mumbling a quiet 'thank you'. She watched him walk over to stand in line, and then turned her gaze to the large, floor-to-ceiling bay windows at the front of the café, where a few people sat on bar stools eating lunch, with a good view of the street and seating area outside.
A few minutes later, Emma caught sight of Henry bouncing through the door, and her heart skipped, the air rushing out of her, one part relief and one part renewed nervousness. She quickly stood up and waved, slipping out from the built-in booth-style seating to greet them.
Henry's entire face lit up when he saw her, and he dodged two or three people in order to race toward her with all the grace and elegance of a typically clumsy 10 year old boy. He was grinning ear to ear when he barrelled into her, and Emma winced with the force of his embrace, but she couldn't help but smile through the initial pain, her heart racing and a rush of emotion making her throat tighten momentarily as she hugged him back.
"Hey, mom!"
His words were muffled into her shirt, but the greeting still made Emma hug him just a little bit tighter. She straightened up when a kindly-looking couple, obviously Henry's parents, approached with tentative smiles.
"Hi, you must be Emma? It's so wonderful to meet you. I'm Archie Harper-"
"A-and I'm Nova Harper," the mousy, softly-spoken brunette by his side added, "It really is wonderful to meet you, like my husband said. Thank you so much for agreeing to this. Henry hasn't stopped talking about you all week. And you are 'as pretty as a Disney Princess', just as he said."
Emma couldn't hear any hint of resentment in Nova's voice, and the warm, genuine smiles from both her and Archie put Emma marginally more at ease. They seemed to be just as nervous about the whole thing as she was. Henry was the only one who didn't seem nervous, his arms still around Emma's waist as he held onto her and grinned happily at his parents.
"Ha, I don't know about a Disney Princess, but thanks. And uh...thank you both for showing up. I...I wasn't sure if you would. I know it's not exactly the kind of circumstances you'd hope for to meet your kid's birth mom…" Emma gestured to the tables, "uh, shall we?"
The two nodded in unison, and Henry finally let go of Emma, but insisted on sitting glued to her side on the booth seats.
"I hope you don't mind, but uhm, I brought-"
"Killian!"
Henry exclaimed excitedly, as Killian approached the table with his and Emma's coffees. Archie and Nova turned to greet him. Having met him already at the hospital, briefly, when they'd reunited with Henry, and again when he'd checked in on them after Emma had woken up, their faces lit up with recognition.
"Oh, it's great to see you again, Killian. Thank you so much for all you've done for Henry, and for us."
Archie beamed, wrapping an arm around his wife's shoulders and looking over fondly at Henry.
"It's a pleasure, mate. I hope you don't mind me joining you for lunch," he handed Emma's coffee over to her but glanced back over at the café counter before looking at Henry, "They've got some very tempting pastries at the counter, lad. How about you and I go pick some out?"
Henry nodded eagerly, before looking to his parents for permission. They both agreed, and he bounced after Killian with the energy of a child who probably didn't need any added sugar.
That left Emma alone with Archie and Nova, and for a moment, there was an awkward beat of silence. Emma knotted her hands together, trying to silently remind herself that they weren't here to interrogate or scrutinize her, in an effort to fend of her rising panic.
"So...you're a Detective? That must be a scary job. But we're so grateful for everything you did to save Henry. When he went missing…" Nova's voice cracked, and she dropped her gaze, taking a minute to compose herself, "It was the worst few weeks of our lives. Archie is a psychiatrist, and he's worked with the police a few times back in Maine...they were trying to prepare us for the worst. But you...you risked your life for him. We'll always be so grateful to you, Emma."
"I was just...I was doing my job. It was my fault he was taken in the first place, and I'm sorry you all had to go through that. I had no idea his father knew about him, or how to find him...I didn't even know where he was. I always...I always hoped he'd have a good life, and now I know he does. That's all I ever wanted for him. I-I just...I need you to know that I only gave him up to give him his best chance. I was barely 17 when he was born; I was…" she paused, not wanting to go into details of exactly where Henry came into the world, if they didn't already know, "I couldn't give him anything he deserved. Letting him go was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm really thankful he's grown up with a good family. Thank you...for giving him everything I couldn't."
A tear slipped down Emma's cheek and she quickly brushed it away, embarrassed. Nova had tears in her eyes too, and reached across the table to grasp Emma's hand.
"You did an incredibly brave and selfless thing, Emma. You made the hardest choice any mother could ever have to make, and you put Henry first, even when you had to break your own heart to do that. We've tried to give him a really great childhood, and he's such a happy boy. He does well in school, has lots of friends and hobbies. He has a good life, because you made that painful choice when he was born."
Archie nodded in agreement with his wife.
"And for the record," he said softly, "we don't blame you for any of what happened. You were just as much a victim of that man as Henry was. I'm sorry he hurt you the way he did...we saw on the news that you'd been shot, and that they didn't know if you'd pull through. We wanted to visit you at the hospital, but we didn't wish to overwhelm you, when you were recovering from such a traumatic ordeal. We're so glad you're doing well."
Emma took a cursory sip of her coffee, mostly to give herself time to find her voice and swallow the lump of emotion lodged in her throat. She hadn't expected Henry's parents to be so warm and forgiving toward her, when part of her still blamed herself for what happened to Henry. Placing her cup down, she glanced between the couple.
"So, uhm...tell me about you guys. You said you're a shrink?" She was slightly wary about that, but masked it with a smile, "What about you, Nova?"
"I'm a first grade teacher, and I also run a little florist business from home," Nova replied, the sparkle in her eyes telling Emma that she loved her work, "We live in a small town, so I pretty much teach everyone's kids and make centerpieces for everyone's weddings."
She giggled, a sweet, magical, childlike sound, and Emma saw the way Archie's face softened as he gazed lovingly at his wife. They were clearly a happy little family, with the white-picket fence life she'd hoped her son would have. It touched Emma's heart, knowing Henry had that, but it also made her ache a little, for the lost little girl she'd been as a child, growing up and dreaming of living such a charmed life.
"That sounds nice. And you live in Maine, right? I've never been, but it looks nice on Google Images."
Emma joked, as Killian and Henry returned with a tray full of assorted pastries and sweet treats.
"Killian said you like cinnamon just like I do, so we got the cinnamon buns and the Honey Apple Monkey Bread and we got the raspberry cheesecake cups, too!"
Henry gushed, dropping down into the booth seat and gleefully taking a giant bite out of one of the pieces of Monkey Bread. Nova shook her head with a giggle, and Emma smiled gratefully up at Killian. He avoided her gaze with a tight smile as he shared out the pile of plates he'd also brought over, and she frowned, filing that away as something she'd bring up later, when they no longer had company.
"What do you say to Killian, Henry?"
Archie prompted, and Henry immediately sat up straight, grinning around the mouthful of pastry.
"Thanks, Killian! This is really yummy!"
"You're very welcome, lad," he chuckled, sitting down beside the young boy and reaching for a pastry of his own, "If you're anything like Emma, she could single-handedly keep a few bakeries in business."
"Oh, he has a sweet tooth, alright!" Nova laughed, before looking between Killian and Emma, "And thank you for buying the pastries, Killian. Perhaps next time, you'll let Archie and I buy you two lunch?"
Emma couldn't help the way her pulse quickened a little with the hope of next time. She'd wanted to ask them if they'd let her see Henry again sometime, even if it meant making a trip up to Maine to visit him, but she'd had no idea how to broach the idea. Nova's tentative words and hopeful expression made her want to hug the woman. And Emma wasn't a hugger.
"I'll leave that decision up to Emma," Killian said diplomatically, folding his napkin just to occupy his restless hands, "I live in Virginia, so Boston lunch places aren't my speciality."
Nova looked momentarily confused, and then flustered.
"Oh! I thought...I-I'm so sorry, I assumed you two were...when we called the hospital to ask how you were, they said...never mind, it's my mistake, I'm sorry!"
Emma felt herself sinking a little further into her seat. They'd assumed she was a well-adjusted adult who had the ability to form adult relationships, clearly. Maybe they wouldn't be so keen on a second lunch date if they knew what a mess she was in reality. She ducked her head, avoiding eye contact.
"That's okay. We were working undercover together. And even the hospital staff thought we were married. We're not. We're just partners. Friends."
"Yeah, just friends."
Killian said flatly, a slight edge to his tone that only Emma seemed to notice, as she cast him a sidelong glance. He didn't meet her gaze, once again, and she bit her lip.
"Mom, can you come visit me when I go home? Can I come visit you sometime?"
Emma's attention immediately snapped to Henry, and she had no idea how to respond. She stumbled over her words, daring a glance over at Nova and Archie to gauge their expressions.
"Uh, that's...kinda up to your mom and dad, kid. I don't wanna cause any problems-"
"We would love for you to be a part of his life, Emma," Nova said softly, exchanging a look with Archie before continuing, "We've always been honest with Henry, about being adopted. He knows how special he is to us, that we chose him to be our son out of all the other kids. He knows how much we love him with all ours hearts, and that we'll always be his mom and dad," she paused a moment to compose herself before continuing, "When he started asking questions about you...we told him we'd absolutely support him if he wanted to look for you once he got a little older. We didn't imagine...well, I don't suppose anyone could have anticipated what's happened to bring you back into his life. But now we know who you are...we'd be more than happy for you to stay in touch."
Emma couldn't stop the tears from falling then, especially when Henry cuddled into her from the side. She couldn't find the words to say how grateful she was to them for being so incredibly understanding and welcoming toward her. It was rare she'd experienced that kind of reception in her life. Swallowing heavily, she nodded, reaching across the table to grab Nova's hand the way the other woman had done to Emma earlier.
"Thank you," Emma whispered, choked with emotion, "Thank you so much. I would really love to stay in touch and be a part of Henry's life in some way."
Tears slipped from Nova's eyes then too, and Archie looked somewhat emotional as well. Emma continued.
"I know you'll always be his mom and dad. And I'd never get in the way of you raising him. But I'm really grateful that you're willing to let me have contact with him. I never dreamed I'd get to ever meet my son, never mind be a part of his life," she glanced down at Henry, who was thoroughly enjoying polishing off his pastry, before looking back up at his parents again, "You have no idea what this means to me."
"It means a lot to us, too," Archie said softly, "And we'd love to spend more time getting to know you properly, Emma. Hopefully you'll become a part of our family, too."
Emma knew they had no idea what that sentiment meant to her, a girl who'd never have a family of her own, who'd grown up alone, bouncing from one overcrowded house to another until she aged out of a system that had broken her. Maybe she'd tell them about all of that, some day. And then they'd fully understand what their acceptance meant to her.
"We're going back to Maine this afternoon. But you have our numbers, and we have yours. We can arrange another visit as soon as you'd like. Please, don't be a stranger. You're welcome in our home anytime. Or if you'd prefer somewhere...neutral, we can agree on somewhere in the middle. And in the meantime, there's always Skype or FaceTime or whatever it is the kids are using these days!" Nova giggled, and Emma couldn't help but find the woman endearing, "We really would love for you to stay in touch, and to get to know Henry, and us, better."
"I can FaceTime you and show you my room! And my dog, Pongo!"
Henry said excitedly. Emma grinned down at him, tears in her eyes as she nodded.
"I'd really love that, kid."
CS
Emma hadn't felt quite as light or happy in a long while. After they'd said their goodbyes to Henry and his parents, with a date in their phone calendars for another 'meet up' over FaceTime, Emma hadn't been able to take the smile off her face.
Lunch had gone a million times better than she'd imagined it would; not only had they seemed to genuinely like her, but they wanted her to stay in contact and be a part of Henry's life. It was more than she'd dared to hope for.
Meeting Nova and Archie had reaffirmed that she'd made the right decision, as hard as it had been, 10 years ago. A decision she'd agonized over almost every single day since she'd watched the prison doctors take her son away.
But like Nova had said, Henry was a happy, well-adjusted, smart kid, with the kind of childhood she'd dreamed of for him. She didn't want to disrupt the happy life he had, but to hear his adoptive parents sound so willing and keen for her to be a part of his life in some way going forward...it had made her heart feel fit to burst.
She'd talked a mile a minute, buzzing with how successful the meeting had been, as she and Killian walked back to her car. He seemed happy to see her like that, but he was still a little quiet.
"Oh, I was thinking, we should stop by Will's apartment and grab your suitcase, seeing as you're staying with me. I have a spare key for his place, and he won't mind us dropping in."
Killian hummed in agreement, looking down at his phone with a slight frown.
"Is everything okay…?"
Emma asked carefully, glancing over at him as she pulled up at a stop light. He was typing away, and took a moment to respond.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, fine. Graham is updating me on a new case. I'm consulting, of sorts. They're handling it well enough without me though."
Emma nodded, the mention of Graham and his job reminding her once more that his time in Boston had an expiry date. He'd already spent longer here than he should have. He couldn't keep consulting via texts forever; he had responsibilities and a team relying on him as their boss back in Virginia.
She turned her attention back to the road as the lights changed, trying to ignore the tiny prickling of fear under her skin. Fear of losing him. Even though she knew it was inevitable, and that this was the very reason she'd been trying to maintain a little more distance between them (and failing, spectacularly) for the last few days.
They briefly stopped at Will's place and retrieved Killian's things. Emma fired off a text to her partner, to let him know they were dropping in, and received one back immediately, warning her she better not touch his limited edition Cinnamon Roll Pop Tarts. Of course, she had to reply with a smirking selfie, eating one of those particular Pop Tarts, just to wind him up.
After Will's apartment, they stopped for a quick grocery store run, when Killian reminded her of the distinct lack of food in her refrigerator, and insisted he'd cook them dinner that evening. Emma's culinary talents started and ended with mac & cheese, and neither of them fancied another night of pizza.
They finally arrived back at Emma's apartment a little before 5pm, both already hungry again after their lunch of pastries and desserts a few hours earlier.
"Will you please put your shoulder sling on now? You know the doctor said you need to wear it as much as possible."
Killian said as he followed Emma into her apartment and shut the door behind them. She rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Alright, daddy. I'll get right on that."
She huffed sarcastically. Killian raised an eyebrow and shook his head at her dramatics.
"Not one of my kinks, lass. But good. I'll start dinner."
He was joking and bantering with her, but it fell just a little flat. The smiles didn't reach his eyes and his flirty banter lacked its usual cheeky charm. He was going through the motions of it, and still mostly avoiding holding eye contact with her for more than brief seconds here and there. It set her on edge.
She perched herself at the kitchen island, pretending to be interested in something on her phone when really she was watching Killian as he moved around her kitchen, figuring out where things were kept and tending to multiple pots on the stove with practiced ease. He even had a towel thrown over his shoulder to really set off his 'domestic god' look, and Emma bit her lip to keep from making a teasing comment about it.
She tried not to dwell on how it already felt like he belonged there, in her space, making something as simple as cooking look way more attractive than he had any right to.
"Smells really good. Mostly this kitchen is just for show. I don't even know what most of the dials on the stove do. I'm a pro with the microwave though. I can nuke a mean Hot Pockets breakfast burrito."
Emma joked, and Killian flashed her a grin over his shoulder. She stared at his back for a moment, debating whether to start the conversation she knew needed to be had. She finally forced the words past her lips, on a weary sigh.
"Okay. Are you gonna tell me what's up?"
Killian stopped for a moment, his back still to her, and she could tell her was stalling as he decided how to play it. From the day they met, he'd been honest with her with everything, opened up to her with his heart on his sleeve...but now, he was holding back. He was putting up walls. And she should know, she was the queen of that particular defence mechanism.
"What do you mean?"
He finally replied, his words measured and far too nonchalant. He was still facing the stove, and she frowned.
"You know what I mean," she shot back, trying not to be too snappy with him, "You've been quiet, avoiding eye contact with me all day, killing the banter…what's going on? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he threw the towel down on the counter with a little more force than necessary, and turned to face her, his expression carefully blank, "Absolutely nothing is wrong, Swan. We're just friends, remember? I'm trying to be just a friend."
Emma's heart sank, and she stared down at her hands, mouth opening and closing a few times as she fumbled for a reply.
"You don't need to give me an excuse, lass. I heard you loud and clear," his voice softened, and he turned back to the stove in defeat, "You've been perfectly clear from the start about where we stood, that we were supposed to be nothing more than a one night stand, which just got complicated when we ended up working together. I just...needed to remind myself that the nice, fake little thing we had wasn't real. I got the jolt back to reality that I needed when you put Ruby in her place today. And Henry's parents."
Emma grimaced, recalling how she'd panicked at Ruby's assumption and quickly shot it down. She hadn't really thought of how that might wound Killian, as he stood beside her right after she'd just kissed him in the middle of the street.
She wasn't someone who led guys on. She was always bluntly honest about not being interested in relationships, beyond what a single night could offer. But Killian...it was different with him. It always had been, even on the night that was meant to be the only one they were going to spend together.
If she was being honest, he scared her. Or rather, how he made her feel scared her, and she was constantly fighting with herself about what she wanted versus what she knew they couldn't have, considering their complicated situation. She had moments of weakness, when she let her guard down and leaned into the warmth and comfort and safety she found in his arms.
And then she'd pull away, fighting that internal war between her head and her heart, with him caught in the middle. She didn't want to do that to him. He deserved better. He deserved more than her, even when he made her feel, for a little while, like she wasn't a complete train wreck of a human.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I-...I didn't think. I just got defensive when Ruby started getting nosy, and when Henry's parents assumed...I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize, Emma. Like I said, you've always made it clear what this was. I just...I suppose I'd hoped perhaps you'd had a change of heart, when you kissed me."
"I shouldn't have-"
"Right. Will you grab some plates, Swan? Dinner's ready."
He cut her off, and Emma was about to argue, insist that she didn't mean she shouldn't have kissed him, like he was assuming, but rather, that she shouldn't have shot down the idea of them being something more in such a harsh way. It was unfair to him, and...it wasn't the truth.
She wasn't an idiot. She might be scared to death of what she felt, but she sure as hell knew her feelings for Killian had gone well beyond 'just friends' awhile ago. But she'd never let herself think about it for too long, because the fear would creep in, and the stark reminder that he had to leave her, eventually.
But instead of giving him all of those words, and taking a leap of faith with her heart, trusting him not to break it, she stayed quiet, and fetched two plates like he asked.
He'd made a simple but delicious homemade carbonara, but other than complimenting his cooking, they ate dinner in a somewhat awkward silence. By the time they'd both finished, Emma was more than a little eager to escape to the kitchen to wash up. She wasn't good at small talk, and there was an uncomfortable tension between them now, which she was desperate to dissipate. She just didn't know how.
When she'd finished washing up, she found Killian in the living room, moving cushions from the sofa in order to turn it into a bed once again. She looked from the sofa to Killian, and swallowed the lump in her throat before she could find her words.
"I...I thought...maybe you could, uh...stay with me again? I-in my bed…?"
Her voice was smaller and shakier than she'd intended, and Killian paused for a moment, staring at her, before tossing the pillow he was holding onto the comfy chair and sighing. He ran a hand through his hair, taking his time to carefully construct his response.
"Emma...darling, I don't think that's a good idea," he looked pained, as he continued, "I can't...pretend as though I'm unaffected by you. And you've drawn a line in the sand for what this is; you made it very clear that our stint playing house as a 'real couple' is over and that we're just friends. I…I need boundaries, love. Not mixed signals or torturing ourselves by stealing moments that we can't have anymore," his voice cracked and he looked away for a moment as he composed himself, "I'll take the sofa, if that's alright, Swan."
Emma nodded, with a hollow ache in her chest and a knot in her stomach. She'd been the one pulling away, trying and failing to put distance between them for the last few days. Now, he was putting up his own walls. And she understood how helpless and frustrated he must have felt watching her do the same thing. But she couldn't argue with him, because he was right.
"I-I'm gonna go take a bath before I call it a night. If you, uh, need anything…"
She gestured to her room, her voice hoarse and thick with the emotions that she was desperately trying to rein in until she was alone. Killian watched her go, the click of her door closing behind her making his shoulders sag in defeat as he dropped down heavily to sit on the sofa.
It killed him to see her hurting, especially when earlier that day she'd been the happiest he'd ever seen her. They were breaking their own hearts, and each other's, but there didn't seem a way out of their situation that wouldn't end up with one or both of them hurting.
CS
Killian didn't know if he was making the right decision. He lay on the sofa, in the oppressive silence of Emma's apartment, and agonized over it for hours; talked himself in and out of it multiple times before he made his mind up. And then, when he had, he booked the flight and a taxi before he could change his mind.
It was important to him that she understood why he'd done it though. He remembered, all too well, the details of her past that she'd shared with him.
Everyone had left her. Made her believe she wasn't worth sticking around for. Made her see herself as some kind of burden, or something unlovable that drove people away. When, in fact, he saw her as quite the opposite.
He knew that if she'd asked him to stay, even non-verbally in some way, he would have moved mountains to do so. He would have figured out a way. Because he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life deconstructing all the flawed perceptions she had of herself, and building her up to realize just how precious and treasured she was. How beautiful and special she was.
Just because the fools before him hadn't seen her worth, didn't mean they were right. They'd broken her heart and her ability to see herself for who she really was, and it infuriated and devastated him that she had gone through so much of her life believing she wasn't worth sticking around for.
But she hadn't asked him to stay. She'd done the opposite, in fact. Other than her few moments of weakness, she'd put her walls up, and reiterated where they stood. As just friends. He accepted that. He would never push her or ask her for something she wasn't entirely comfortable with. And relationships were her no-go zone, apparently. She'd been clear about that from the start.
He only hoped that she'd understand why he was doing things this way. No long goodbye. No awkwardness or overstaying his welcome (if he hadn't already). But he was writing her the letter in the hope that his leaving would feel like less of a betrayal. He couldn't bear the idea of being the reason she added more bricks to those walls of hers.
His pen was shaking and he had tears in his eyes as he wrote the letter. He tried not to think too much about what she might feel when she realized he'd gone in the morning, before she read those words he'd put down to try and ease that hurt.
When he was done, her name scribbled in his elegant writing on top of the folded paper, he glanced at the clock. He had ten minutes before his cab was due to arrive. And as much as he was torturing himself by doing so...he had to see her one last time before he left.
Opening her door as quietly as possible, he paused and peered into the darkness. He could make out her sleeping form in bed, and his hand shook on the door handle as he hesitantly let himself into the room.
Part of it felt wrong, to invade her space while she slept. But he couldn't reconcile with walking away, potentially never seeing her again, without saying goodbye. Even if that meant saying it while she slept.
Crouching down beside her bed, tears blurred his vision for a moment, he tried to burn this image of her into his memory. She looked younger with her face relaxed in a peaceful sleep, her breathing deep and even.
Her hair was a golden halo on the pillow, a glint of moonlight through the curtains giving her an ethereal glow. An angel, that's what she reminded him of. One that had been through more than anyone should, yet still hadn't given up. Not completely.
He choked back a sob, covering his mouth with his hand as he composed himself. Then, he stood and, as carefully and gently as he could, he placed a tender kiss into her hair. She sighed in her sleep, unconsciously leaning closer to him.
"Not a day will go by that I won't think of you, my love."
He whispered brokenly, a single tear falling as he straightened up and let his gaze linger on her face for just a few more precious seconds.
With that, he forced himself to go, closing her door behind him and gathering himself in the hallway for a minute, before grabbing his jacket that lay slung over the arm of the sofa.
Shrugging it on, Killian grabbed his suitcase and left the apartment as quietly as he could, locking the door behind him and slipping her key back under it.
No going back.
CS
NB: I changed Archie's name to Harper, because the idea of Henry's name being Henry Hopper just made me cringe too much. It sounds like a crap children's book character LOL.
I hope you all don't hate me TOO much for how this chapter ended! The next one will progress this plotline, don't worry! (And there'll be plenty more Will, because he's been sorely missed in this chapter lol).
Reviews are like candy for my soul. Please and thank you! I love hearing your reactions and feelings about things!