Chapter 29

The Journey to Britannia

Marian awoke hours later with the rising sun, still curled up on the floor wearing Gwaine's shirt. It smelled of leather and musk. Her eyes were dry and red, and her throat was raw. She knew she needed to get up off the hard floor. If anything, she needed to relieve herself. It took a herculean effort for her to stand and take care of her needs. She didn't want to, she didn't care to. Ignoring her growling stomach, Marian walked into the bathroom. Everything reminded her of the few days she'd had with Gwaine. When she flushed the toilet, she laughed bitterly, thinking of his surprise at something as simple as indoor plumbing.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands. Her hair was still ruffled from when Gwaine ran his hands through it. Not wanting to part with it for long, she removed his shirt and folded it neatly, setting it on top of the closed toilet lid. With puffy eyes and a frown on her face, she looked down at her bra and panties. He had reacted just as she had hoped when he saw the sexy lingerie. Angry at the path Fate had set her on, Marian roughly tore the underthings from her body and threw them in the corner, screaming.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK! GODDAMMIT! FUCK!" she cried out to the empty room. She continued to scream until her body felt weak and tired. "Fuck…," she sobbed.

She wiped her eyes and nose and then turned on the shower. Steam quickly rose from the running water and fogged up the bathroom mirror. Her skin turned bright pink as she got into the scalding shower. Marian stood there motionless as she let the shower wash away her grief.

She needed to get it together, she needed a plan. Marian wasn't going to accept her fate. She would find a way back to Gwaine, no matter how long it took.

As she began to wash her body, Marian came up with a strategy to go back in time. She would travel to the UK and search for all the landmarks that were attributed to the ancient kingdom. Surely Merlin would have left her some sort of clue of how to get back. She had faith that her friends would do anything to get her back, if not just for her sake, then for Gwaine's. She could only imagine the turn his temper would have taken when he was parted from her.

When she got out of the shower and brushed her teeth, Marian dressed and started to work on her plan to return to Camelot.

000

She landed at Heathrow Airport in London. From there, she caught a flight out to Edinburgh in Scotland. After a week of research, she had come up with an itinerary. It took her from Scotland all the way to Cornwall. The trip would probably max out all of her credit cards and use up what little savings she had, but she'd decided to explore as many of the landmarks and sites that were linked to the Arthurian legends as she could, hoping one would give her some idea of how to get back.

The first place she tried after she landed in Edinburgh was Arthur's Seat, a long-since dead volcano overlooking the capital city. Though it was beautiful and the history enthusiast in her was interested, it didn't hold any answers for her.

She traveled to the village of Drumelzier, one of the rumored places of burial for the wizard Merlin, and again found nothing. Marian continued to travel around Britain, looking for answers. She went from Scotland to Wales, visiting Carmarthen, which, according to local lore, was supposed to be Merlin's birthplace. Perhaps it had once been called Ealdor?

While in Wales, she also went to Bardsey Island, another rumored resting place for Merlin. It was no wonder that so much of what she had learned about the Arthurian legends had turned out to be wrong. While researching her trip, she had found no less than three places that claimed to be the final resting place of the warlock.

Having found no clues, Marian traveled down to Winchester, in Hampshire. There in the Great Hall of Winchester Castle hung the Round Table of Arthur's Court. It had the names of the Knights of the Round Table in intricate letters around its edge. Though she didn't believe it was the actual Round Table, she teared up as she read the names of her friends… her family. Marian nearly burst into tears as she got to Sir Gawain, and she had to excuse herself from the tour. Though it held no answers for her, seeing the Round Table encouraged her to keep looking.

She only had a few more stops before her quest would be complete, whether she found what she was looking for or not. Anxious to reach Tintagel in Cornwall, the place where Arthur was to have been conceived and also thought to be the real Camelot, she traveled straight through the other counties the next day.

Tintagel was an exciting place to visit, with its ruins and Merlin's Cave beneath, but the geography was all wrong. Camelot wasn't near the sea, though she supposed things could have changed in 1500 years. Marian wandered around the ruins, walking across the new bridge that connected the two sides of the ruined castle, and thought of Gwaine.

000

Gwaine found himself wandering the ruins of an ancient castle. As he walked through the dilapidated halls, he heard waves beating against the shore. He went over to one of the windows and looked out. The castle was by the sea.

"Gwaine?" he heard her voice, the voice he had longed to hear for many weeks. "Are you here?"

He looked around for her, searching for the beautiful face that held his heart. Gwaine rushed through the open corridor and stopped as he saw her. She stood out in a stone courtyard, her hair and skirt blowing in the salty wind.

"Gwaine?" she called for him. "Find me!" she begged.

He reached out to her to touch her, to let her know he was there beside her, but his hand passed through her flesh. He tried again.

"Marian!" he called to her. "I'm here!"

She turned away as if she hadn't heard him. "Gwaine, I need you. Find me…" she said softly as she walked away from him.

"Marian! Come back! I'm here, love!"

He followed her out of the ruins and to a bridge. He walked behind her as she left the castle but was stopped by an invisible force before his foot left the stone. He tried to push his way past the barrier but was held back.

"Marian! Wait! Wait for me!" he called out to her.

Gwaine tried to leave the castle, pushing with all of his strength, but the ruins had ahold of him and wouldn't let go.

"Marian! Don't leave!" he yelled as she disappeared into the distance. "MARIAN!"

Gwaine sat up in a panic, his blanket falling from his chest. "Marian!" he yelled into the dark, his body drenched with sweat. He felt for the flint and steel beside the bed and lit a candle. He was in his bedchamber in Camelot. Alone.

He swung his legs off the side of the bed and held his head in his hands. It had been a dream. It certainly wasn't the first time he'd dreamt of Marian in the last few weeks, but it was by far the most disturbing dream he'd had.

Gwaine stood and pulled his tunic over his head. He needed to go for a walk. He left his chamber, his feet bare, and walked the corridors of the castle. Letting his mind wander aimlessly, he didn't realize where he was until he'd pushed the door open and stepped inside to Marian's old bedchamber.

Gwaine went to the window and opened the curtain, letting the moonlight brighten the dark room. Looking out at the full moon, he remembered what Marian had told him that last night in her time. The moon he saw that night was the same moon he saw in Camelot. He wondered if she was doing the same thing in the future. If maybe she was looking at the moon and thinking of him?

He turned from the window, angry at the turn his life had taken, and walked over to her chest of drawers. On top was the emerald necklace he had given her for her birthday. He picked it up, trying to feel the warmth he knew it held as she wore it. He needed more.

He opened one of the drawers and found the bright blue serving dress he'd had made for her years ago. He thought it was her favorite because of how often she wore it. He gently picked it up, the skirt unfolding. Gwaine held the fabric to his face and sniffed. It still smelled like her, floral and sweet.

He went over to her bed and laid down on top of the blanket. Her pillow still held the indention of her head. Gwaine buried his face as he cried for her, holding her dress and necklace close. He screamed, the pillow muffling his cries. It was unfair that they were parted. He had never thought it possible to love until he'd met her. Gwaine knew that he would never love again.

The next morning, on his way to wake the king, Merlin noticed the door to Marian's chamber was ajar. He looked in and saw Gwaine asleep on her bed, clutching her blue dress. His heart broke for him. Merlin pulled the door shut so no one would bother the grieving knight. He decided that after he brought Arthur his breakfast, he would go down to the library and do more research on time travel. Surely there was something in Geoffrey of Monmouth's extensive collection that would help the warlock bring his friend back to Camelot.

000

Marian stood outside a pub in Glastonbury in Somerset, looking up at the Moon above as it mocked her. She had gone around Cadbury Castle before coming to Glastonbury to take the tour at the Abbey. Though impressive, neither place held any clues for her. Even though she had yet to visit Glastonbury Tor, which was rumored to be Avalon, she was ready to give up. She didn't think there was any point since every stop she had made in the last month had turned out to be nothing.

None of these landmarks gave her any help. And though the geography had most likely changed, they were all unrecognizable to her. How could she find a way back to Camelot if she couldn't even find where the kingdom had been?

Besides, she was about to max out her last credit card. She hadn't worked in so long and had little savings, which was now depleted. She didn't even think she had enough money to make it back to America. She was near destitute and depressed.

She looked up at the sign on the pub before her, The King Arthur. She gave a bitter laugh before opening the door and stepping in.

"What'll it be, love?" the barkeep asked as she sat on a stool.

"Surprise me," she said flatly. She pulled out her card and laid it on the counter.

A moment later, the barkeep set a pint of amber liquid in front of her. "Apple cider," he said.

She barked out a laugh and brought the glass to her lips. Taking a long draft, she closed her eyes as the sweet ale flowed over her tongue and down her throat. "I'll take another," she said as she placed the empty pint down on the bar.

The barkeep gave her another cider and ran her credit card for payment. She nursed the rest of her drink, her head lowered as she stared through the bar at nothing. What was she going to do? How could she go on with her life when her heart was shattered?

"Looking for someone?" a soft voice said from beside her.

She turned and saw an ancient man sitting on the stool next to her, drink in hand. He was dressed in layers with a knitted cap stretched over the top of his head. His scraggly beard moved as he spoke.

"Could be that you're looking in the right place, but not in the right moment," he said. His voice sounded frail and yet strong at the same time. His liver-spotted hands lifted the thick, heavy pint to his lips. He finished his drink in one go and motioned to the barkeep for another. "You'd know all about being in the wrong time, wouldn't you, Marian Ragnell?"

"How—?"

The man turned to face her, his whiskers upturned with his mouth, and his eyes sparkling with youth and mischief.

Marian dropped the glass she was holding, shattering it on the floor. "Merlin?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Aye, dear girl. It has been many moons since we last saw each other," he laughed. The barkeep set Merlin's pint in front of him and glared at Marian. "Come, I have a private table in the back. We can speak more there," Merlin said as he stood, wobbling slightly.

She followed him to the back of the pub and sat at a table hidden in shadow. "How are you even here?" she asked as she sat next to him. "Surely you haven't been living in Somerset all these years?"

Merlin grinned at her. "Where did you think I'd be?"

"I don't know. Buried in Wales?" she said as he scoffed. "Or in Scotland? Or in a tree?"

Merlin laughed heartily at the last one.

"What's so funny? It's not as farfetched as some of the things that actually happened, is it?" she asked him.

"Who do you think came up with that ridiculous story? A tree!" he laughed. "As if anyone could imprison me!"

Marian narrowed her eyes at the old man. "You did this, didn't you? You fed these outrageous rumors to scholars, didn't you?" she asked, shaking her head at him.

He nodded as he continued to laugh.

"You ass! I spent my college years learning that stuff! I traveled a month with false hope to see all of that! And for what?"

"You traveled until you were ready," he said matter-of-factly. "Tell me, Marian. What do you want?" Merlin asked her. Though he was ready and willing to send her back to Camelot, he wanted Marian to make the choice. He knew what would happen, he had already lived it. But agency, autonomy… sovereignty was important to her.

"I want to be with Gwaine. I love him, Merlin. I feel like half of me is missing."

"And so you shall, my dear." He said as he laid his hand on hers. He leaned in closer, keeping his voice low. "I have found what you're looking for. It's taken me over a thousand years to find it, but I can send you back!"

She looked at him in shock. She hadn't expected it to be this easy. "How?"

"The last of the magic I have. At least until Arthur returns. Do not fret, the spell will not reverse," he said. "Do you want this, Marian? You must be absolutely sure, girl! It will not work if your heart is not in it!"

"Yes, I'm sure," she nodded with a sense of urgency. "I belong in Camelot with Gwaine and you and Gaius." She looked closely at him and bit her lip. "What did you mean by the last of your magic?"

Merlin smiled brightly at her. "The Crystal Cave is lost. Magic has no place in this modern world. It is no matter. It will return when the Once and Future King returns to save Albion."

"And you want to use the last of it on me?"

Merlin grew serious. He looked at her, the weight of his words hitting her. "It is our destiny, Marian Ragnell."

"What do I need to do?"

000

The next evening, Marian made her way to Glastonbury Tor… to Avalon. Merlin had promised to meet her on the Tor to perform the spell to send her back to Gwaine. After the sun had set, Marian walked to the top and entered St. Michael's Tower. In the middle of the hollow tower stood the ancient wizard, the moonlight illuminating his long, white beard. She looked up and smiled. Rather than a ceiling, she saw the night sky, the Moon and the stars shining brightly.

As agreed, Marian brought nothing modern with her, save the costume she wore, and her cell phone. She had gone into town to a fancy dress shop and rented the most elegant medieval costume she could find. If the spell worked and she was sent back to Camelot, she promised Merlin that she would burn the dress and melt any modern fastenings down. Meddling with time was dangerous, and he didn't want archeologists to discover a zipper amongst ancient artifacts.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his voice soft.

Marian walked up to him and embraced him carefully. When she pulled back, she looked deep into his soulful eyes. "I'm ready. And just so you know, if this doesn't work, I won't hold it against you," she said as she smiled. Small tears escaped her eyes as she thought of leaving the wizard all alone in the world to wait for Arthur's return. "Will you be okay? On your own?" she asked him.

Merlin cupped her cheek with his bony hand. "My dear girl, don't cry. I will be content to stay and watch over Arthur," he told her. At her skeptical look, he laughed. "I'll be fine, Marian. I promise."

"I just hate leaving you again," she admitted.

"Do not fret. You will see me again," he smiled wistfully at her.

It was the first genuine smile she had seen on his weathered face. She placed something in his hand and leaned forward, kissing his cheek. Merlin looked surprised at the contact, and he reached up to caress where she had kissed him. He glanced down at what she had given him. It was her cell phone, full of pictures of both her and Gwaine. She hoped seeing the smiling faces of his friends again would help him cope with the loneliness of waiting on Arthur's return.

He sniffed back his tears, placed the phone on the ground, and pulled her in place. "Now, stand just here."

He backed away from her and lifted his head and hands to the sky. "Strengthe ealdan aewfaestnesse, ic her accigie ænne windraes! Færblæd waw! Windræs ungetermed, ge hier! Ic de bebeod mid ealle strangesse!" his deep voice echoed.

A wind began to blow through the tower. It circled Marian and howled, gaining strength. Clouds gathered overhead, and the Moon disappeared.

"Besendest þone idese bestepeþ duru þá dægtíde to he haefth hie heort!" Merlin continued the ancient incantation.

Lightning flashed in the sky above and came down swiftly, striking the wizard's outstretched hands. He lowered his head and looked at Marian.

"Efencume ætgædre, eala gastas cræft ige! Aliese thas maegth to Camelot, to heo hine lyste, for ecnesse!"

Marian felt the electricity crackle around her. The wind was getting stronger, and she could've sworn she was being lifted. The hair on the back of her neck and on her arms stood as she watched Merlin. His eyes glowed with magic.

"Bestaep!" he bellowed.

In a flash of light, Marian was pulled from time. She fell weightlessly through the dark. All thoughts soon turned to Gwaine. She hoped she would end up in the right time and right place. She hoped to see him alive and well. She hoped to be in his arms again.

Suddenly the darkness disappeared. Marian fell to her knees. Her head felt like it had been split in two. She grabbed at her temples, trying to push her skull back together. The guttural scream that spilled from her echoed through the forest. When she ran out of breath, she slumped to the ground, allowing the darkness to consume her once again.

000

Author's note:

A very rough translation of Spells: (As pulled from the Merlin Wiki on merlin dot fandom dot com and oldenglishtranslator dot co dot uk)

Strengthe ealdan aewfaestnesse, ic her accigie ænne windraes! Færblæd waw! Windræs ungetermed: ge hier! Ic de bebeod mid ealle strangesse! Besendest þone idese bestepeþ duru þá dægtíde to he haefth hie heort! Efencume ætgædre, eala gastas cræft ige! Aliese thas maegth to Camelot, to heo hine lyste, for ecnesse! Bestaep! – By the power of the Old Religion, here I summon a storm of wind! Sudden blast of wind, blow! You, strong and unstoppable storm of wind, obey! I command you with all my power! Send this woman to enter the door of time to he that holds her heart! Oh, spirits, assemble together your skills! Deliver this maiden to Camelot, to him that she desires, for eternity! Go!