A/N: Sorry for the long wait, guys!
Admittedly, I'm not too proud of this chapter. Felt a little... eh... forced, but I had to get through it. I'm thinking about doing a bit of a timeskip - a few days maybe, but I'm not quite sure what I'll do yet. Anyways, thank you for waiting! Hope you enjoy the chapter even though it sucks XD
Alright, Steven didn't hate the show.
Hell, once he started paying attention, he actually kind of enjoyed it. And he honestly couldn't believe he'd never heard of it before, either - it was right up his alley. He found himself fascinated in the characters. Particularly the main character, Aarav- right away, Steven found himself somewhat mesmerized by the boy's happy-go-lucky demeanor. The others interested him to some extent - one of them actually reminded him somewhat of Lars. Regardless, he was intrigued with this world, and these characters, and the concept of it all - but he was particularly amused by Parker, Will and Kevin, who all seemed completely entranced by the show itself. Peedee was the only one who didn't seem too interested in it, choosing to flip through a comic book instead while the others watched; Steven spared glances toward him every so often, but his gaze always ended up rooted to the television eventually, unable to focus on him too much.
Actually, he was finding it hard to focus regardless. As much as he liked the show, he found his gaze straying toward the clock more often than not, digging his nails into his palms as he waited. He wasn't sure why he was so anxious. Couldn't decide whether he was eager to see his father, or dreading the exchange that would follow. He wasn't sure what to think of it.
He did know one thing; he was exhausted. And he was genuinely regretting not sleeping the night before - and hoping he'd be able to get to sleep tonight without his leg bothering him. And even more than that, he just wanted to finally see his twin again. He wanted to know what he thought about these new people, he wanted to know what he thought about Peedee being here, he wanted to know what he thought about Kevin being here; he wanted to know what he thought about their fusion, the brief moments they would become something else entirely. Someone else entirely. He wanted to see how he was faring with the chains, and his hand. He wanted to know if he was any closer to being free - god, he wanted to see his twin again.
He couldn't explain it. He didn't care. He just wanted his brother.
But, the day wasn't over yet. He'd have to wait. Thankfully, though, it didn't take long for his father to arrive at all; they were only a few episodes into the first season before Peedee informed him that Greg had arrived, only a minute before his father finally entered the room, guided by another nurse. Despite himself, he almost smiled - albeit tiredly, somewhat nervously - at the sight of his father, as Greg rushed over to hug him almost at once. He didn't even seem to notice Peedee and Kevin yet, but Steven couldn't blame him. This entire situation was new for them both. They were still dealing with Steven being here, far away from Beach City, in a mental hospital. Either way, he wrapped his arms around Greg and hugged him back tightly as the man bent down to embrace him, heaving out a quiet sigh and shaking his head. "Hey, Dad."
"Hey, kiddo," Greg breathed, pulling back. He paused then, looking Steven over. For what, the teenager wasn't quite sure - but it was somewhat irritating, as if his father expected him to be injured. How? Well, there was a simple answer to that, and Steven, even though it was a valid concern, didn't like that it was the conclusion Greg and his mind jumped to at the first thought.
So he was quick to redirect Greg's attention. Even if he hadn't hurt himself, he was uncomfortable enough with the thought of it being a genuine concern for Greg now. And he silently scolded himself for it the entire time - that's what he'd wanted, for his dad to pay attention. Even if it felt fucking unnatural as shit. "You remember Peedee, right, Dad?" He asked, and nodded toward the man in question. Greg leaned back, looking somewhat startled as his eyes landed on Peedee - who, mind you, offered nothing more than a cheerful grin and a wink - and Steven blinked, somewhat surprised himself, before gesturing toward Kevin. "And… Kevin…" He added a bit slower, fixing his eyes on Peedee for a moment longer before looking away again and shaking his head. Now, Greg looked startled and a little uncomfortable as his eyes landed on Kevin, but he still managed to wave a greeting to the man, glancing at Steven.
"He's my roommate," Steven offered, and the expression on his father's face was only confirmation that he remembered what Steven had told him about Kevin before, and how much he had hated the asshole. It was startling, he knew, to see them somewhat… civil now. Well, Steven wasn't really trying to be civil, but he didn't have anything against Kevin anymore either. Aside from the fact that he couldn't figure the guy out.
"Familiar faces everywhere, huh?" Greg glanced down at Steven, and the teenager shrugged and leaned back, crossing his arms. Yeah. And I'm starting to get suspicious about it too. Really, he didn't understand why these familiar faces were everywhere. Why Kevin was here. Why Peedee was here. It was driving him up the fucking wall, trying to figure it out - of course, he'd gotten his old friend's story. But it still didn't help. It still didn't make it easier to interact with him. And he didn't know shit about Kevin, except that he'd tried to overdose on drugs, apparently. And that was the extent of his knowledge. Honestly, he was just expecting another familiar face to pop up. Who? Well, probably someone who would surprise him the most. He had no idea. All he knew was that he was confused, irritated, and nervous, not knowing how to talk to Peedee, and just not knowing what to say to Kevin to begin with. "I heard you met with Maria today," Greg offered, tearing the hybrid out of his thoughts. Steven paused, lifting his gaze back to him.
"Uh huh." His jaw twitched slightly, recalling the session, and he dug his nails into his shirt lightly, pressing against his skin through the fabric carefully. "It sucked," he added bluntly before Greg could open his mouth, already figuring the man was going to ask him how it had gone. "She-" He stopped, only for a second, wondering how much he was willing to admit here. But, fuck it, he decided after a moment, can't hurt anything else. "She's exactly like me. Like I was," he added, grinding his teeth together. Greg blinked at him, surprise and confusion flitting across his face - before concern and understanding took over again. He almost looked ready to pull Steven into another hug, but when the hybrid crossed his arms tighter, he leaned back again.
"It's not… exactly the same, kiddo," Greg began. "I mean, this is her job-"
Steven leveled his stare with his father's silently, and the man flinched and tore his gaze away, mumbling something under his breath that sounded closer to a swear than Steven expected.
After a moment of silence, Parker piped up - much to Steven's surprise - leaning over the arm of the couch and giving Greg the stink-eye. "Stevie, are you gonna introduce us or are we supposed to do that ourselves?" He flashed Steven a grin - and the hybrid only had a second to register the nickname he'd been given (and to hate it all at the same time) before Parker swiveled his head back around to look at Greg, stretching an arm out to offer him his hand. "Parker Williams, sir. Charmed, I'm sure. Did you know you have one fascinating son?"
Steven narrowed his eyes at Parker, while Greg reached out to take the boy's hand, a mixture of amusement and bewilderment written across his face. "Fascinating, huh? Well, I was aware," he added, and Steven rolled his eyes. "Uh, Greg Universe, kiddo. It's nice to meet you." He pulled his hand back and Parker settled back down again, meeting Steven's glare evenly and offering a simple, sweet smile in response. "So, looks like you are making some friends here, huh, Schtu-ball?" Greg piped up again, pausing and stepping back to pull a chair over for himself.
Steven didn't respond for a moment; 'friends' was a strong word, but he felt like he'd been put on the spot. He liked the guys, but they were more like acquaintances than anything. He hadn't come here to make friends. The hybrid twisted his mouth, and, rather than replying, simply lifted a hand to gesture toward Will - who, to his credit, seemed more interested in the television than he was in Greg. "That's Will," he told his father, and the man in question only turned his head slightly, without taking his eyes off of the screen, and offered a grunt toward Greg as a greeting. Steven risked a glance toward the TV, only catching a glimpse of a fight scene before he looked back down at Greg, as the man finally took a seat. "Jasper didn't want to come?"
"She has to register," Greg told him, rubbing the back of his neck. "And they've gotta 'okay' it with you before anything - basically they need to be informed of new visitors a day before they're allowed to arrive. I talked to the gems t-" He stopped quickly, but not quickly enough to keep Steven's expression from shifting slightly, the neutral expression crumbling into a scowl. And then he was quick to continue, "and Peridot and Lapis. They told Bismuth about what happened." Not surprising. Greg almost looked like he expected Steven to be upset, but when the hybrid offered nothing more than a nod, he continued hesitantly, "so they're registering, too. As long as that's okay with you-"
"That's fine," Steven dismissed, shaking his head. He didn't care who came, as long as it wasn't Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. He didn't expect Lapis and Peridot to be able to keep their mouths shut about it when it came to Bismuth, and he was just glad he wouldn't have to explain himself to yet another gem anyway. The hybrid dropped his arms from his chest, gently rubbing his fingers over the edge of his cast. "How's the house hunt going?" He finally asked, looking up.
His father almost seemed to light up, then, like a kid on Christmas; it was almost amusing. "Oh, good. Real good," he added. "I've got my eye on a couple places. Nothing with stairs. The g-" He stopped again, and Steven struggled to hold a neutral expression this time. "Well, your stuff's mostly packed up and ready to go. Lapis and Bismuth and Jasper offered to help." Steven arched an eyebrow at that, and tried to stifle a grin at the idea of Jasper offering to help his father move boxes. He didn't even have much, did he? His bed and stuff, clothes, dresser… and his father didn't exactly have much either. But, he assumed Greg would also be buying more furniture for the house, too, so they'd probably have a lot of moving around and unpacking to do before everything was settled and ready. Once again, the idea of moving back in with his father proved to be somewhat exciting. Appalling, but still exciting nonetheless. And it must have showed, because Greg was grinning back at him as he spoke next, looking just as excited. "Bet'cha can't wait to get out of here, huh?"
"You've got no idea," Steven told him, managing to huff out a chuckle despite himself. After a moment, though, once he had settled again, the hybrid breathed out a soft sigh through his nose. "I mean, I guess… it's not as bad here as I thought it would be," he finally confessed. "Not as many crazy people here as I expected. Most of them are nice." He threw a quick glance in Parker's direction and arched an eyebrow when the boy only offered him an innocent smile. "The food here sucks, though," he added, looking back over at Greg. "We had meatloaf for lunch today." Now, that got a reaction; Greg looked startled at first, then he started laughing.
"Oh, god. I'm so sorry."
"Oh, no, I had a salad," Steven corrected, shaking his head. "They had meatloaf. I was smart enough to take an offer for something else." He ignored Parker's indignant 'hey' and continued with a shrug, leaning back in the wheelchair with a sigh. "The salad is pretty good, too, I guess," he added, somewhat begrudgingly. Greg looked pleased, though - probably happy that Steven was enjoying any part of his stay in the facility, no matter how small. Steven guessed he'd take just about anything. The hybrid sighed through his teeth and looked back up at the screen briefly. The fight scene had ended, but he still wasn't too intrigued. But he didn't really have anything else to say to his father right then - he knew Greg probably wanted to know about the therapy session, but Steven didn't really want to talk to him about it. He was still a little shaken by how it had gone, and still trying to figure out what, exactly, Maria was up to. Whether she really was like him, or whether he had her all wrong. He still firmly believed the former, but…
… he just didn't know anymore.
The visit seemed to go by oddly quickly. There was minimal conversation; Steven eventually became too tired to even attempt to keep talking to his father, but Greg seemed content with that up until he had to leave. They hugged, with his father promising to visit him tomorrow, and Steven could only bring himself to nod and wave half-heartedly as he was escorted out. And, after he had gone, they simply continued watching Balance until it was time to eat dinner. Once again, Steven selected a salad; it was the easiest choice, and not much effort had to be put into it. He made sure not to eat too much this time, though, stopping the second his stomach started hurting. He wasn't exactly too keen on making himself throw up again.
After dinner, the patients were escorted to their rooms; he exchanged goodnights with Parker and Will, who both seemed upset to depart. Steven didn't share the sentiment; he couldn't wait to crash into his bed and get to sleep. Peedee pushed him down to his room, in step with Kevin and Aaron, and the other nurse mumbled something about medicine and slipped out when they finally reached the room, leaving Peedee with the two. Kevin didn't seem to mind, retreating over to his bed, and Peedee, himself, seemed rather content as he parked the wheelchair by the bed and let Steven pull himself up onto his feet, looking down at the folded pajamas that had been placed on the bed - just as Kevin disappeared into the shower to change into his own.
Somewhat reluctantly, he let Peedee help him change. His old friend didn't comment on the scars, but Steven caught his frown as he finally pulled himself up onto the bed and yanked the covers up over himself, sinking down as far as he could, but not quite laying down just yet.
Aaron returned with the medicine just as Kevin ducked out of the shower, closing the curtain behind him. He took his medicine without the water, and Steven, though he did briefly consider doing the same, swallowed his pills down with a few mouthfuls of the water he'd been given. Only then did he allow himself to lay back, letting his eyes drift shut. It took a little while for the medicine to set in - but by the time it did, he had missed Peedee and Aaron's 'goodnight', having drifted off long before the pain even had time to completely numb. He knew one thing for sure - he wasn't going to be trying any all-nighters again anytime soon.
His dreams were much more welcome. Thankfully, he didn't end up with another nightmare; he ended up right back where his brother was, sitting down with his legs stretched out just like before. He was closer, too - enough so that, when his twin spotted him, he was able to strain at the chain enough to reach the hybrid quickly so he could sit down beside him, grinning ear to ear. "Welcome back," he greeted, and Steven cracked a grin of his own despite himself. It did falter a bit, seeing that his brother hadn't snapped the other chain yet, but the pink gem redirected his attention rather quickly. "Seeing Peedee again was surprising," he commented. His expression shifted, just a bit, as he added, "and Kevin. I must admit, I share your curiosity."
Steven only hummed and shook his head. Curious was one way to put it - but the confession relieved him, somewhat. At least he wasn't the only one who was perplexed about Kevin's presence in the facility. But he still wanted to know what he thought about their fusion - and at this thought, his brother grinned a little wider, his pupils once again shifting into the familiar diamond shapes. "Right," he agreed, looking a little more excited - and Steven damn near melted at that. He'd seen him happy, sure, but he'd never seen his brother look excited. The smile on his face was almost… innocent. "Right. The fusion. It was wonderful, wasn't it? It was… us, again. I…" His pink twin trailed off, only for a moment. "... I missed that, admittedly."
Steven didn't reply for a moment, just staring back at him in mild surprise for a few seconds. But, after a while, he managed to compose himself enough to reach out, lifting his hand with his palm facing toward his brother; his twin wasted no time in lifting his hand to meet Steven's, pressing their palms together with a soft smile. "I can't wait until you get out of here," the hybrid sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. His brother chuckled warmly, as gentle as ever. It still amazed him how much he cared for the pink gem already - how close he wanted them to be. The relationship he wanted to have. It wasn't like anything else Steven had ever had - even with Jasper, while they'd been equals for sure, he had still been anxious around her anyway. He didn't feel like that with his brother, not really. He just felt content to be there with him. Peaceful.
With his brother, everything was… peaceful.
His twin said nothing for a moment, keeping their hands pressed together. After a moment, he offered a gentle squeeze and pulled back, however, crossing his legs and letting his bubbled hand rest in his lap, while the other one pressed against the ground beside him. "So," he began, slowly, but not quite cautiously - just gentle, and calm. "Your appointment with Ms. Roberts…"
Steven groaned, though the idea of talking about this with his brother wasn't as dreadful as it had been when he was faced with the option of talking to his father about it. Maybe because his brother already knew every doubt and fear that was plaguing Steven's mind - because he was in Steven's mind. He knew him, maybe even a little better than Steven knew himself. Hell, maybe he'd be able to help Steven understand why this was so… fucking… hard for him. He twisted his mouth for a while, silent and thinking of what to say, before finally giving in with a sigh. "Yeah," he mumbled. "It sure was something, huh? I mean, you saw it," he added, and his brother only nodded, clearly wanting him to continue. So he did, albeit somewhat begrudgingly. "I just don't know how to feel about her. I don't know what to make of… of all of this, you know? She's… ugh, she's good," he growled, leaning back and propping himself up with his hands. "She's really fucking good. And I hate it. I hate that I have to do this, and she has to do this…"
"She doesn't seem to hate it," his brother cut in lightly, and Steven flicked his gaze up, eyes narrowing slightly. "I understand your concern," his pink twin assured softly. "Believe me, I do. But I don't think it's exactly the same." He paused for a moment, and a thoughtful look entered his gaze; his pupils shifted again, but rather than reverting back into their usual pinpricks, they began… spinning. It reminded Steven of how videos on TubeTube buffered, with the little ring circling around and around. And he stared, mesmerized, until it stopped, and the pupils shifted into exclamation points before steadily shifting back into their normal pupils. "I've got it. How about instead of looking for the similarities in your situations, why not look for the differences?"
"How the fuck did you do that?" Steven ignored the suggestion, in favor of pointing at his brother. The pink gem sighed, arching an eyebrow toward him, but a faint smile was playing on his lips now. "And can you teach me how to do it too? Do you even know what you just did?"
"I do. Focus, brother."
Steven fell silent for a moment, dropping his hand. It took him a while to muster up the energy to speak, thinking his brother's words over carefully and furrowing his eyebrows with a slight frown. "Look- I…" He trailed off, and his pink twin stayed silent, tilting his head a little as he listened. "I guess I could do that. I guess I could ignore all the warning signs and pretend everything's fine and that I'm not doing the same thing to her that everybody used to do to me. I get that it's her job and everything, but that's how I felt, too, wasn't it?" He gritted his teeth, and his brother leaned forward a little, still using his hand to prop himself up slightly, while the other one stayed firmly in his lap. The chains rattled as he moved, but otherwise, he was quiet. "It's freaky. It's like I'm looking back at everything I used to be and trying to fix it before she can end up like me."
"I understand." His brother nodded faintly in agreement, leaning his head back and offering a somewhat curious look toward the butterflies above them. Steven glanced up, but, simply seeing the familiar butterflies, he lowered his gaze again quickly enough. "I'm sure it's scary. And frustrating," he added. "But you… you were very young, Steven. You're still only seventeen. But you've been helping other people since you were only a child - the difference between your situations is a big one. An important one. She doesn't have the weight of the world on her shoulders. You were dealing with so much more from a very, very young age - without any training, and without a solid support system. I'm sure she has something a bit more… stable."
Steven breathed out through his teeth and closed his eyes, nodding. He'd already figured this out; already figured that training and stability in this situation was probably why Maria had lasted longer than he had, and how she was still able to keep going without breaking. But he still found it hard to completely understand, to grasp at the idea that she was doing this… willingly. "Maybe," he muttered dryly, shifting a little to let himself lay on his back with a quiet sigh. His brother watched him, eyebrows furrowing together slightly. "Do you think she really wants this?"
"I think she's an adult," his brother replied. "And she could have chosen a different career, had she wanted to. But she's a therapist." He paused, only for a moment, and continued carefully, "what I think, brother, is that you need to get into the habit of thinking for yourself, not others."
"It's harder than you make it sound."
"I know. You've got time." His twin shifted, laying down beside him with a sigh. His hand found Steven's, and the hybrid chuckled a little to himself as he curled their fingers together absently, closing his eyes. Peaceful, it really was - more peaceful than he would have expected, and more than he was used to lately. It was actually kind of nice, just laying there with no real… expectations hanging in the air. He could talk about these things, because he was talking to someone who already knew. Saying it out loud to him didn't do as much harm. But, he decided after a moment, he didn't want to talk about this anymore anyway - the subject was tiring, and he didn't really want to think about Maria anymore. So he redirected his thoughts to the chains, and his brother sighed fondly, and obliged with a quiet hum. "I'm working on it. Slowly but surely," he commented, and Steven nodded, looking back up at the butterflies for a moment.
After a while, he spoke again, a little quieter. "I'm sorry." His brother turned his head, but he didn't say anything right away; as for Steven, he wasn't entirely sure what he was apologizing for. Could be for locking his brother up for god knows how long. Could be for talking his ear off about all his problems even though he now had a therapist just for that - a stranger, who, somehow, it was harder to rant to than his own brother. Could have been a myriad of things. Steven didn't know which one to pick - so in the end, he just chose all of it at once.
His twin squeezed his hand and, just like before, mumbled, "I forgive you."
And just like before, Steven was left baffled at how three words could make such a difference.