Recess Is Cancelled

In the spring of 1968, Third Street Elementary School gets a new principal: a handsome young man named Phillium Benedict who quickly becomes popular with the female teachers, especially Charles' own aunt Muriel. But during a private conversation with schoolteacher Peter Prickly, Benedict reveals his true colors by announcing his intentions to abolish recess in an attempt to improve test grades and further his career. Things go wrong as a result: in only one week, the kids become slow-minded and depressed, the schoolteachers become frustrated, and the parents criticize Benedict for his radical politics.

Inspired by the "Recess" episode "Recess Is Cancelled" and the movie "Recess: School's Out"

It was April 15, 1968. After nearly half a century as principal of Third Street Elementary School, Samuel Solomon was no more. He had been a gentle, but very efficient principal, so everyone, student and teacher, was sad to see him go.

But soon, there would be a new principal. After all, 1968 was a different age. All of the teachers were young, idealistic, and ready to change the world.

By now, Chas Finster was almost eleven years old. Melinda Cavanaugh was ten-and-a-half. And Betty DeVille had just turned nine.

In April 1968, Chas' aunt Muriel Finster wore a multicolored dress and rose-tinted glasses (literally). Young Mr. Peter Prickly, a schoolteacher, wore a Nehru jacket and blue-tinted glasses. He looked almost like John Lennon.

"Peace, Peter," said Muriel.

"Hey, Muriel," said Mr. Prickly. "Had a groovy time at the Dead concert last night!"

"Say, you gonna be at the teach-in Saturday? We're gonna be painting my Volkswagen!"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world!"

"Groovy!"

Yes, the teachers were all groovy. But one man was the coolest of them all. His name was Phillium Benedict. With his blond hair, blue eyes, leather jacket, American flag helmet, and motorcycle, he was smart and handsome, and he had just been named Principal of Third Street School to replace the late Samul Solomon.

Benedict quickly became popular with the ladies, especially Miss Finster, who was his girlfriend at the time.

Mr. Prickly greeted Benedict thus: "Hey, man. How's it feel to be the youngest principal in the history of the state?"

"Copacetic, baby!" said Benedict. "You know what they say, 'Young is in, man, and old is out! Way out.' By the way, do you like the American flag helmet, Pete? It does go with the leatherjacket, right?"

"You are one groovy educator, Phil."

"Come. Follow me, my man. I'll show you my new principal's pad."

And there were eight kids who watched all this: Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty.

"Whoa," said Betty. "Chas, what's with your aunt?"

"Yeah," added Stu. "There's something weird goin' on between Miss Finster and the new principal. I know she's nice, but every time he comes along, she gets all mushy! It's just not normal!"

Chas replied, "You guys, I think that's because she's in love."

"What?!" cried Stu, Betty, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Howard together, although Melinda was not surprised either.

"My aunt Muriel has had a crush on the new principal ever since that day he let her ride his motorcycle."

"You're right," said Melinda

"How do you and Cavanaugh come up with this stuff, Finster?" asked Drew.

Melinda replied, "Isn't it obvious? Chas and I have seen it in movies before. The prince sees the princess, kneels before her, and he and the princess fall in love at first sight."

"That's crazy."

"Actually, Chas and Melinda may be on to something," said Stu. "Miss Finster may actually be in love with the new principal."

And Chas and Melinda were right. As the kids headed for the playground, they watched as Miss Finster gazed lovingly at Benedict, who was leading Mr. Prickly to his principal's office.

As for Chas, he said to his friends, "You guys go on ahead. I'll go see what Benedict is like. You know, in case my aunt Muriel decides to get married."

Meanwhile, Benedict had led Mr. Prickly to the principal's office, which Benedict had quickly revamped to keep up with the times. The walls were painted, some incense was gently burning in a small bowl on the desk, there was a bean bag in place of a chair where a student would sit, and some sitar music was playing in the background.

Mr. Prickly was impressed. "Whoa! Psychedelic principalia!"

"Pull up a bag, bro," said Benedict. "I wanna rap!"

"Lay it on me, man."

Neither Mr. Prickly nor Benedict knew that Chas was listening in by looking through the window.

"You see, Pete, I been thinkin'. We're a new generation of teachers, right? It's time we shook things up a little."

"I hear you, brother. In fact, dig this. I was meditating to that new Ravi Shankar album last night… when I got this righteous notion—What if we hold all our classes outside, on the playground? Imagine—school, recess. No boundaries."

As Chas saw Benedict stand by the window, he crouched down to hide himself. And Benedict said, "Hey, baby, that's a hip idea, but I got a better thought here. As my first official act as principal, I've decided… to get rid of recess."

Both Chas and Mr. Prickly were horrified.

"No recess?!" cried Chas.

"What?! No recess?" gasped Mr. Prickly. "But, Phil, for a kid, recess is like a major play-in. It's the one time of day they have any freedom."

Benedict sighed, "Look, Pete, the '60's are over. All that peace and love and freedom stuff, it was great for pickin' up chicks, but it's not gonna help my career. To do that, I gotta make test scores go up, and to make test scores go up, I gotta keep kids in class where they belong. That's why, starting tomorrow, I am tuning out recess… once and for all."

Mr. Prickly was horrified, but Chas even more so.

"Oh, no!" cried Chas. "My aunt Muriel's gonna marry a kid-hater!"

The next day, as Chas and his friends were going off to school, Chas said to his friends, "Guys, I have a bad feeling about our new principal."

"What are you talkin' about, Chas?" asked Stu.

"I overheard him and one of the teachers talking about recess, and I don't think Principal Benedict likes us."

"Doesn't like us?" asked Melinda. "Get real. If he didn't like us, why do you think he became our principal in the first place?"

"Yeah, why don't we run around a little before we have to go inside?" added Drew.

But as soon as they had entered the playground, the kids heard Benedict's voice from the loudspeaker: "Attention, all students! Attention, all students! Get to the school front and center so I, Principal Phillium Benedict, will address you."

And once the kids got front and center, they saw Principal Benedict standing right in front of them.

"What does Benedict want with us?" asked Drew.

"I don't know, Drew," Stu replied.

Then, Benedict said to the children, "All right, listen up! I have an announcement to make. I am about to give you kids at Third Street School a huge opportunity!"

"A huge opportunity?" said Melinda with delight. "Does this involve new kickballs?"

Benedict continued, "I am about to lead you all into the future! Your school will be the cutting edge of all that is new! Think of yourselves as pint-sized pioneers!"

"Forgive me, Principal Benedict," said Howard as he raised his hand, "are you trying to say that you plan to install a state-of-the-art auditorium like the one at Lincoln Center?"

"No," said Benedict.

"Will we get to taste-test the new lunch menu?" asked Betty.

"Nah," said Benedict again.

"Is one of us gonna be the first kid in space?" asked Stu.

Benedict shook his head and said, "The only place any of you are going is back inside, because by the power vested in me, recess is cancelled!"

All the kids gasped in horror.

Chas groaned and said to his friends, "That's just what I feared."

"What?" cried Melinda. "But, sir, recess is the one time of day we can rest our brains, exercise our bodies, express our freedom!"

But Benedict didn't listen. "Your thrilled expressions are thanks enough. Now, get inside!"

And all the kids had to enter their classrooms. Drew and Melinda held Chas by the arms as he swooned with shock. For the children of Third Street School, the cancellation of recess would be a horrible opportunity.

That day, as 10 am came around, no recess bell rang, to the unhappiness of the students. In the fifth-grade classroom, Chas, Melinda, and Drew were among the other discouraged children.

Upon hearing no bell, the fifth-grade teacher ruefully said to her students, "Oh, that's right. There won't be a bell. There's no recess."

And Drew was the first to speak his mind: "Man, this stinks! I say we make Benedict give us back the forty minutes a day that's rightfully ours!"

"For once, I agree with Drew!" said Melinda. "We gotta do something! Call the superintendent!"

"No way!" cried Chas. "That'd make me a snitch!"

Presently, who should enter but Principal Benedict!

"Oh, Principal Benedict!" gasped the fifth-grade teacher.

Then, Benedict said to the fifth graders, "Class, I'm here to test you. Books and papers off your desks. It's time for your first standardized test. Take one test and pass them back. No. 2 pencils only."

Chas and Melinda gazed at each other in dismay as Benedict handed down the tests.

Later, in Mrs. Gunderson's classroom, the third- and fourth-grade students were passing their finished tests back to Principal Benedict.

Soon, Bob Spinelli noticed that Betty was gazing out the window, lost in thought.

"Hey, Betty," said Bob. "You gonna take these?"

"Huh? What?" Betty then turned to Bob and, now focused on him, replied, "Oh, sorry, Bob. I was just thinkin' about that sweet squishy sound my feet make when they make contact with a mud puddle."

As soon as Principal Benedict got all the tests back, he said to the students, "Thank you. I'll administer another test to-morrow. Now, back to your studies."

And Betty gazed down in despair at the thought of never enjoying outdoor fun again.

Meanwhile, in Miss Finster's second-grade classroom, Didi and her classmates had just finished taking their tests.

Upon seeing this, Miss Finster said to the kids, "Well, class. Now that you're all finished, why don't we study the laws of physics involved in… the playing of paper football."

"Groovy, Didi!" said one Alordayne Grotke.

And Didi replied, "Ditto that! I can't fathom even a day of study without a moment's recreation!"

But then, who should enter but Phillium Benedict?

"Miss Finster," he said to Miss Finster, "hand over the paper football."

Miss Finster sighed with dismay as she gave Benedict the paper football.

"Let this be a warning to you, Muriel…" growled Benedict menacingly as Miss Finster watched him collect her students' tests.

Needless to say, Benedict's plan didn't go over all that well.

As the days wore on, thanks to Benedict's overemphasis on standardized testing, the kids were starting to become sapped of energy.

Stu gazed sadly out his third-grade classroom window at the unused playground equipment.

Chas drooled on the desk as he dozed off, only for Benedict to harshly whip him awake.

Betty was so sapped of energy that she couldn't even think of poking Howard with her index finger as she would normally do.

By the third day, in the fifth-grade classroom, the only kid who still had energy was Drew, but it was a negative energy. He felt all the other kids getting on his nerves. He began to view his "friends," Chas and Melinda, as his enemies!

One day, when Chas and Drew got in each other's way, Chas said droningly, "'Scuse me…"

But Drew lost no time in starting a fight with him! Benedict saw this, but he didn't lift a finger. Instead, it was the fifth-grade teacher who broke up the fight.

"Boys, boys, stop fighting," said the fifth-grade teacher. "I know kids like you got along well during recess. If only Benedict would listen to reason and bring back recess…"

On day four without recess, cabin fever set in for many of the children—much to the concern of the fifth-grade teacher.

Chas started muttering to himself.

"NO TALKING!" shouted Benedict.

Drew was laughing hysterically at jokes no one ever told.

"NO LAUGHTER!" shouted Benedict.

Melinda was kicking balls that weren't there.

"NO KICKING!" shouted Benedict.

By the end of that day, Benedict was brooding in his office when Miss Lemon came in and said to him, "Here are day four's tests. I also have the test scores."

Benedict snapped, "I don't have time to read through all those. Cut to the chase!"

"Yes, Principal Benedict," stammered Miss Lemon as she shakily handed him a chart.

Benedict looked at the chart and muttered, "Hm… Attendance is good… Weather is seasonably nice…" Then, he noticed something odd about the chart and asked, "Um, Lemon, what's this large black line descending at such a steep angle? Please tell me that's delinquency or bullying."

"Nope, those are the test scores, sir."

Benedict was shocked and enraged at such a chart that gave lie to his beliefs that keeping the children cooped up in classrooms would raise test scores.

"Throw that away!" he screamed. "If I can't get those scores back up, then I can kiss my career good-bye! It seems that, although those brats are spending all day in school, they aren't studying hard enough! There's only one way I can change that!"

Miss Lemon shook her head and sighed, "If you were half the principal Mr. Solomon was…"

"I am TEN TIMES THE PRINCIPAL SOLOMON WAS!" roared Benedict.

Then, he spoke into his PA system: "Attention, all students! Attention, all students! It appears to me that although recess has been cancelled, although you have been in class all day, your test scores are going down instead of up! Well, there's only one thing for it: for your next standardized test, you must stay at home studying all weekend! You must not play, you must not watch cartoons, you must not even go to church if need be!"

Of course, all of the students were downcast at the notion of not even getting a moment's recreation during the weekend.

And so, on Saturday morning, at the Pickles residence, Lou and Trixie were surprised to find the TV off.

"That's odd," said Trixie. "Normally, the boys would be watching cartoons on TV at this hour."

Lou replied, "Tell you what, Trixie, I'll check on Drew, you check on Stu."

And so, they did.

Trixie looked into Stu's room and saw, to her alarm, that he was studying for Monday's test.

She asked her younger son with quiet concern, "Stu, what are you doing?"

Stu replied in a creepy monotone, "Studying for tests."

"It's Saturday morning. Why on earth aren't you watching cartoons?"

"Because I've lost control of my life."

And in Drew's room, Lou noticed a similar situation with his older son.

"Drew," he said, "I'm really concerned for you and your brother. You should be watching cartoons. Why aren't you?"

"Think…" sighed Drew slow-mindedly.

At the Giselle residence, Betty's mother noticed that she wasn't outside. Instead, Betty was looking at her test material and muttering to herself, "Too many little boxes…"

It was then when her mother asked, "Betty, what's wrong with you?"

Betty panted as she pointed to her window.

"Out the window? You need air?"

At the DeVille place, Howard gave his bewildered parents a similar response as to why he wasn't enjoying the ballet on TV: "Not enough time… Need less boxes… Need less pencils…"

During Boris and Minka's Shabbat Shalom, at the Kropotkin residence, Boris asked Didi, "Come along, Didila. Don't you wanna light the candles for Shabbat?"

Didi replied despondently, "I'm sorry, Dad. I don't understand your question…"

This made Boris unhappy, and when Minka came along, she said to him, "I got a similar reply from Benjamin too."

Both Boris and Minka were upset at the sudden depression of both their children.

Even at the McSell mansion, Charlotte's mother and sister Miriam gazed in dismay as they saw Charlotte going through her test material again and again and muttering: "Can't process material… totally sapped of energy… must stay awake… must…"

But just as Charlotte was about to fall asleep, she would remember how cruelly Benedict would berate her, and she woke up immediately to look her test material over again.

At the Finster place, on Sunday morning, although Marvin and Shirley were dressed in their church clothes, they went to Chas' room and noticed that he was still in normal clothes and looking through his test material.

"Charles," said Shirley, "don't you wanna go to church with us?"

But all Chas said was: "No. 2 pencil only, please. No. 2 pencil only."

Marvin and Shirley looked at each other in dismay, and Marvin asked Chas, "Anything wrong, slugger?"

Chas then ran his fingers across his desk.

"You… need to go to the bathroom?" asked Marvin.

"I think it's more like running… outside," whispered Shirley to Marvin.

And at the Cavanaugh place, Christopher could hear his daughter Melinda groaning, "Something missing… something missing…"

"What's missing, Melinda?" asked Christopher.

Melinda replied, "Fun… Freedom… Friends…"

It was then when Christopher saw the light: "So, my daughter means to tell me that the new principal of our school…"

"…has cancelled recess?!" all the parents seemed to exclaim in unison.

They were furious at Principal Benedict for what he had done, and they would not take this lying down!

And so, on Monday morning, just before the kids went to school, the parents and teachers organized a protest against Benedict's anti-recess policies:

"What do we want?"

"Recess!"

"When do we want it?"

"Now!"

"What do we want?"

"Recess!"

"When do we want it?"

"Now!"

"Be cool, people, be cool," implored Benedict. "You're bumming my mellowness."

Shirley replied, "We'll be cool when you give our kids their recess back!"

But Benedict brushed off the reply. "Hey, baby, I'll do what I want. I'm principal of the school, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Dig?"

The grown-ups were all very dissatisfied with this. Principal Benedict had become a tyrant—in every sense of the word!

Marvin even exclaimed, "It's not right!"

But then, the superintendent came, along with Mr. Prickly.

"People, people, please calm down," said the superintendent in a deep, but calm and reassuring voice. "Mr. Prickly here has informed me of this "no-recess" proposal. Let me assure you that as long as I'm superintendent, this radical plan will never be carried out in this district."

And all the parents and teachers cheered at this, the end of Benedict's "no-recess" era.

"Hey, man, you just don't get it!" protested Benedict. "You're holding back progress!"

"If you think 'progress' is enslaving children with standardized tests instead of letting them play around once in a while, then something must be wrong with you," the superintendent replied. "That's why I'm replacing you."

Benedict looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "What?"

"Mr. Prickly, from now on, you will be principal."

Mr. Prickly was surprised at this. "Who, me?"

And Benedict snarled at Mr. Prickly, "Oh, I see what's going down here. You tricked me, went around my back to the man to get my job!"

"No, Phil, it's not like that at all!" Mr. Prickly protested.

"Yeah, right!" Benedict then turned to Muriel and said, "Come on, Muriel baby, let's blow this scene."

But Miss Finster turned around and saw her nephew, Chas, looking extremely bored. It was then when she mustered the courage to get away from Benedict.

"No, Phil," she said. "It's over. You were not the man I thought you were, for I could never be with a man who doesn't love recess."

Benedict looked hurt. "So you're against me too." Then, he became angry at Miss Finster for breaking up with him. "Well, fine. I don't need you. I don't need anyone!"

But as he tried to leave, he fell off the steps and hurt himself.

"Phil!" cried Miss Finster.

"You okay, man?" asked Mr. Prickly.

"Don't touch me!" cried Benedict. "You took my chick. You took my job. Well, enjoy it while you can, Petey boy, 'cause you're gonna pay. Somehow, someway, you're gonna pay…"

And with that, Benedict stormed off. In the ensuing years, he would quit teaching and go into politics, eventually becoming the Secretary of Education in the mid-1990's, only for President Clinton to fire him for trying to get rid of recess nationwide.

But back in 1968, Mr. Prickly, now Principal Prickly, saw the kids trudging to the school, and he announced to all the kids, "Attention, Third Street School! This is Principal Prickly speaking!"

"Principal Prickly?" asked Stu.

Principal Prickly continued: "Get rid of the chains we call standardized tests! My first official act as principal is that my first day as principal is all-day recess! Effective immediately!"

"Was that… God?" asked Chas in disbelief.

And so, all the kids went straight through the school building and into the playground, where they felt the sun beam down on them, as if to kiss them. And immediately, they all rejoiced as they ran around and played.

"I… I'm running!" cried Drew with a smile. "I'm running!"

"Free! We're free!" shouted Melinda with joy.

"Basketball!" exclaimed Betty, and she started to dribble a basketball before hurling it into the hoop.

Finally, Stu and Chas greeted each other.

"Hey, Chas," said Stu. "Where have you been lately?"

"I'm not sure," Chas replied. "Wanna play tag?"

"Sure!"

And they both ran around tagging each other, all their friends soon joining in.

And the all-day recess of '68 was a major success. By the time Chas turned eleven, test scores at Third Street were up with a vengeance! And Peter Prickly was to remain Principal of Third Street School for decades to come.