"All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart."
― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me
"How're you feeling, Princess?"
Emily rolled over and met Derek's gaze. "Okay, it's only been one hormone treatment, Derek." She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. "It'll take at least a week or two to see if there are any side effects."
"I know," He sat up and stretched out. "How's your ass?"
She shrugged. "Tender." She admitted. "But nothing like getting hit in the vest." Emily got out of bed and tugged down her shorts to reveal a small bruise.
His heart clenched as he ran his fingertips gently over the upraised, warm spot on her otherwise perfect skin. "I'm sorry."
"Derek, it's fine." Emily assured him, getting to her feet. "We want to start a family right? This is the only way."
Sighing, Derek ran his hands over his face. "Alright. You want to shower first and I'll make coffee and breakfast and then after I shower I guess….I'll do the shot?"
Her lips brushed against his softly before she pulled away and placed her hand on his chest. "Sounds like a plan."
True to his word, the coffee was hot and steaming and he had left cut up fruit and muffins that Mackenzie had dropped off earlier in the week. The pamphlets served as reading material as she waited for Derek. When he emerged, jeans and a red shirt, she gave him a smile. "Okay, let's get this over and done with."
Derek went to the fridge and pulled out the hormones and brought it to the table. Emily had already dropped her black dress pants and looked over her shoulder at him. His hands shook and he stared at her, biting his bottom lip.
"Derek, are you okay?" She pulled her pants back up and turned, leaning against the table.
"I...I can't do this." He whispered quietly. "I don't want to hurt you, Em."
Sighing, Emily raked her fingers through her hair. "Derek, we don't really have much choice. Do you want to have a baby?" She walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I know it's not ideal and I'm sorry for everything. It's not about you, it's about me and...Doyle. If Lauren Renyolds had never happened...maybe we'd already have a baby."
He shook his head and placed a kiss on her nose. "Don't blame yourself, Em." He whispered. "I'll figure it out, but today...would you feel okay with me calling Taala?"
Emily's face broke into a wide smile. "My macho Derek Morgan needs reinforcements?"
Shrugging, he grabbed his phone. "You can say that." A few seconds later his phone buzzed and Derek exhaled. "Taala said we can head over."
Together they grabbed their go bags and tossed them in the trunk before heading over to Taala and Mackenzie's. They knocked before opening the door and found little Noah toddling around in his diaper and a banana in hand. He grinned and walked away before Taala walked around the corner.
"Hey guys, just head to the kitchen." She scooped up her son before standing at the bottom of the stairs. "KENZIE! I NEED YOU DOWNSTAIRS!"
A loud thud came from upstairs and Mackenzie thundered down the stairs, her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head wearing her uniform top, but no pants, wearing a pair of pink boy cut underwear. She looked at her wife and frowned. "Thanks for letting me know we have company." She muttered, turning, ready to head upstairs again.
Taala reached for her and pulled her down. "No, you don't need pants." She turned to Derek and Emily. "We're kinda letting the cat out of the bag here, but we're trying for another baby. Or Mackenzie is at least." She shrugged and got the hormones and syringes out of the fridge. "Alright Derek I'm going to walk you through this."
Nodding, Derek pulled out their hormones, but also pulled out a small tube. "I...uh...bought this too. It's supposed to numb the skin somewhat." He muttered softly, showing it to Taala.
"Yeah, it will still hurt, but it helps." She said waiting for Emily and Mackenzie to drop their pants.
"Wait, there's numbing cream? How come I don't get any?" Mackenzie grumbled, pulling her underwear down a bit.
Taala laughed and walked Derek through applying the topical numbing cream. "Because Derek loves Emily a lot more than I love you."
"Obviously." Mackenzie muttered.
Once they waited the suggested time, the doctor pulled out the alcohol swabs and set a timer as they both rubbed spots on their wives' buttcheeks. "This is kind of an awkward way to spend the morning." Emily piped up, glancing over at Mackenzie.
"You're telling me." The younger woman muttered as she rolled her eyes dramatically.
"Now fill the syringe up to the line...then tap it to make sure that there are no air bubbles in it." Taala said slowly. "God job, Derek. Now you need to insert the needle at 90 degrees...and then push the plunger all the way in." She jabbed her wife and pushed the plunger. "Then after put on a bandaid and we do it again tomorrow." Slapping Mackenzie's ass on the other side, she took Derek's syringe and properly disposed of it. "Now you two can pull up your pants."
Mackenzie gave her wife a look. "I'm not wearing any." She grumbled, grabbing her olive green uniform pants and pulling them on. Her face softened and she looked at Emily. "I'm so happy that you guys are trying to have a family. You're gonna be a great mom."
Emily pulled up her pants and did up her belt buckle. "Here's to hoping." She mumbled. "Thanks for everything, Taala. Hopefully next time Macho Man Derek Morgan can do it alone."
Shrugging, Derek scooped up the vial and leaned over and gave Emily a soft kiss. "Maybe." He gave Taala a shy smile. "It's just hard to get used to."
Taala nodded. "You do get used to it. And then you take perverse pleasure in stabbing your wife in the ass." She said with a smirk. "Now make sure that this goes back in the fridge." She said tightening the top of the hormones. "And let me know if you need any other help, or Emily, if you have any weird side effects."
A few moments later, Mackenzie came downstairs with her hair up in a tamed bun and her uniform on. "You guys get used to it. It takes a while for my body to get used to." She shrugged and grabbed her briefcase. Leaning over she gave her wife a kiss. "I'll see you later. And let me know how things go." She said to Emily before giving her son a kiss and heading out.
Derek gathered the hormones and took the extra sharps box that Taala had and nodded. "Thanks for everything, Taala. Really. I just…"
"Yeah, I get it. You don't want to hurt her." Taala replied. "I'll pray for you guys when I go to the masjid today." She gave the couple a gentle smile.
"Things will eventually get easier. I promise.
It had been two weeks since they started the hormone treatment and Emily had done two rounds of the ultrasound treatment. Except for some spells of lightheadedness and a few headaches, she had very few side effects. They had been lucky so far that their cases were around the DC area, but they knew that luck would run out. And soon.
And that's why Tara and JJ were over at their place for dinner. They had to keep up with the hormone treatment and there was no way that Emily could do them herself and the other options weren't too hot. So there they were. This was not a conversation that Emily wanted to have with ANYONE let alone JJ and Tara. Emily had made lasagna and Derek garlic bread and salad and they sat around the table, JJ and Tara sipping wine, Derek a beer, and Emily her flavoured soda water.
"So is there any reason why we're here, besides the awesome supper?" Tara inquired. "Which, by the way, need the recipe for the lasagna."
Emily and Derek exchanged glances. Clearing her throat, Emily nodded. "Yeah, there is." She couldn't believe she was going to ask this question. "So, Derek and I have decided we want to start a family, but we went to a fertility specialist and I have some scarring that is causing some issues. I...I go get ultrasound treatment once a week - that's when I've taken the long lunches - but I'm also on hormone treatment." Her cheeks flushed and she fought the urge to bite her nails. "When we're on a case...I need someone to...helpgivememyhormones." She mumbled all at once, avoiding eye contact with her two friends. Derek took her hand under the table and squeezed it.
Slowly she looked up and glanced between JJ and Tara. "Of course, Em." The blonde said with a smile. "Anything."
Tara nodded in agreement. "Honestly, who else is given the green light to stab their boss in the ass?" She commented with a smirk.
Laughter filled the room and Tara tipped her wine glass towards Emily. "But seriously, yeah it's no problem. Whatever you two need."
Derek rolled his eyes and gave them both a smile. "Thanks, well, I have the instructions that Taala typed out and Em keeps a week's supply of hormones in her work fridge along with some syringes." He said passing out the laminated sheets.
The two women exchanged glances before laughter started again. "You laminated them?" JJ giggled. "Man, I would have never thought that Derek 'Halloween honey' Morgan would be laminating sheets on how to give his wife fertility drugs."
Sighing, Derek flicked a stray crouton at his friend. "Shut up, JJ." He muttered, though the ghost of a smile crept onto his lips. "But you two are good? We can always like...find doctors or get Rossi or Reid…"
JJ laughed and nodded. "We're fine, Derek." Looking at Emily, she gave her a smirk. "Unless Emily wants Rossi to shoot her in the ass with hormones."
Emily shook her head emphatically and took another sip of her flavoured water. "No, there are some things this team doesn't need to share. But seriously, thank you guys."
"Again, it's not a problem." Tara said with a smile. "As long as I get to spoil the little black king or queen."
The next day they found themselves in Tampa, following a string of murders. Emily knew that killers didn't take days off or slow down because they had something going on in their personal lives. Regardless, it set her slightly on edge as they climbed onto the jet. The files were spread out in front of her, as she silently flipped through them. Every case was hard, they never got any easier, but it being her first case out of town since they started with hormones seemed to make her heart race. Fingers twisted the black silicone ring Emily had in place of her wedding bands, the others safely locked away in her go bag.
They had ideas, but no profile yet and they all left the police station, tired, frustrated and hungry. Ordering in Thai, they met in the hotel's business meeting room before splitting off to their rooms. Changing into her "on the road" pyjamas, a pair of shorts and Derek's Chicago Whitesox thsirt. They promised when they got married that they would always wish each other good night, especially when they were on cases.
The phone rang twice before he picked up.
"How are things going, Princess?"
"It's probably gonna take us a few days." Emily said, lying down on the bed and closing her eyes. "Bodies keep popping up and we still don't have a profile."
"You'll figure it out because you're amazing and the team is amazing." Derek said honestly.
"Mmmmhmmm. How was your day?"
Derek sighed and flopped back on the bed. "Working on a bomber case." He said, leaving the conversation end there. "I miss you."
"I miss you too." Emily crawled under the covers and sighed deeply. "I'll let you know when we're on our way home, okay?"
"Alright. But make sure that Tara or JJ come over and give you your -"
She laughed, her voice sleepy and gravelly. "I know Derek, they know. We have it under control. I love you." She whispered.
"Love you too Princess. Go to sleep."
It was far too early to be standing in front of her friends with her pants down, but they had another body. Tara and JJ studied the laminated sheets that Derek gave them.
"I brought bandaids!" Tara announced unhelpfully. "They're little mermaid ones."
Groaning, Emily shook her head and looked over her shoulder. "Okay, the cream should have numbed the spot enough, now JJ just do it."
The blonde bit her lower lip and slowly filled the syringe to the line. She tapped the side of the syringe to remove air bubbles before looking back at her best friend. "Are you ready?"
"Jayje, we've been doing this for 3 weeks now, my ass looks like a dartboard." Emily said, rolling her eyes. She winced slightly as JJ put the needle in and pressed down the plunger. She disposed of it properly before returning.
The blonde gave her an apologetic smile. "No weird side effects?"
"A few dizzy spells and headaches, but nothing I can't handle." Emily replied, tugging her pants up and doing up the button. "And I've been hot, but I've heard that was a common side effect."
"You'll only run warmer when you're pregnant." JJ said with a smile.
Emily tucked in her shirt and sighed, before pulling her hair up in a ponytail. "If I get pregnant." She replied quietly, her voice lacking any of the confidence she normally had.
Her best friend reached out and grabbed her arm, waiting for the older woman to turn. "Emily, you will get pregnant and you will have a baby." She said seriously.
Emily shrugged. "Alright." She mumbled pulling her arm away. "We have a case to solve, let's go get breakfast and get to the precinct."