spinning circles

Round and round and round and round we go
Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay

— "Stay," Rihanna

S.T.A.R. Labs, Flashpoint.

He had royally screwed up.

Sure, Barry's heart was full-to-bursting at seeing his mom and dad alive and well, bantering around the kitchen table like he'd always imagine they'd do.

The picture-perfect happy family.

But Joe was not the same Joe he knew — smart, loyal, responsible. No, this Joe could barely get up off his couch and drank himself to sleep most days.

Cisco was a pony-tailed CEO who was quite honestly a bit of a narcissistic asshole (though still funny, string bean jokes about Barry aside).

And Wally was Kid Flash.

At least Iris seemed to still be Iris, although they weren't best friends or really friends at all in this timeline.

But he was missing something...

He began typing furiously on the computer, ignoring Cisco's protests. "Got it!" Barry exclaimed gleefully, and flashed off.

He returned with a stunned Caitlin in his arms. She stumbled across the lab, look around. Strangely, she didn't see to be very fazed or even scared.

"Hey! Stop bringing strangers into my lab!" Cisco said, annoyed. "Wait.. did you just kidnap this woman?"

"I — what, no! Well… I guess. But we need her! She's a doctor!" Barry pleaded.

"I'm not a doctor," Caitlin said. "I'm an ophthalmologist."

"An eye doctor," Barry said, smiling and nodding a little. He found the thought of Caitlin fitting little kids with glasses made his heart warm more than he'd like to admit. This Caitlin was just as cute as the pre-Flashpoint one.

"A pediatric eye doctor," she corrected, beaming back at him sweetly and reinforcing the image of Cait with kids in his mind. She seemed to have none of the burdens or walls that the Caitlin he knew had. This timeline seemed to be kind to her, and he wondered what had changed in her life to make her this happy.

He wondered if she'd found a Ronnie in this timeline too.

"Quick question," Caitlin asked Wally as Barry and Iris headed off, "did I get kidnapped?"

Wally shrugged. "Unclear."

S.T.A.R. Labs, Post-Flashpoint.

Well, he thought he fixed it, but this timeline wasn't without its casualties too.

Joe and Iris weren't speaking to each other, Cisco wasn't speaking to him because Dante was dead, there was a British jerk called Julian Albert whom apparently both Caitlin and Cisco already knew, and he had caused Dig's daughter Sara to literally blip out of existence, to be replaced with a little boy called John.

Great.

He began to do what he knew best — fix things.

"Heyyy," he looked beseechingly up at Caitlin, who, thankfully, seemed to be the same. "I know we promised dinner, just the two of us tonight, but do you think you could ask Cisco too? And I want to try and get Joe and Iris there so they can make up too."

She looked at him and sighed. He'd told her everything – about Flashpoint, about her eye doctor-self, about how everything was before. She was glad that their relationship still remained intact, but was hesitant about meddling in everyone else's.

But still, it was Barry and she couldn't resist those bright green puppy dog eyes. "Fine, yes. I can talk to Cisco. But how are you gonna get Joe and Iris there?"

He merely grinned, winked, and flashed off, ruining her newly curled and colored hair. "Hmmph," she said fondly.

The West house, Post-Flashpoint.

It was a disaster like Caitlin expected. Awkward chewing, large sips (okay, gulps) of wine, avoiding eye contact or any conversation really. Although Joe's cooking was great — you can thank Grandma Esther for that, he had said, shrugging off the compliments.

Caitlin's heart wrenched, seeing Barry try so hard. Wally was the only one of the Wests who was cooperating, as innocent and easy-going in this timeline as he was in the old one (she supposed). Iris and Joe were stubbornly standing their ground, holding onto a past grudge that neither could let go of.

And Cisco — well, from what Caitlin knew of Dante, he and his brother had never quite gotten along. But Cisco was loyal and loved his brother. And now he was dead.

You were actually the least affected by Flashpoint, Caitlin remembered Barry saying. You seem… the same.

As the meta alert went off and they rushed to fill their roles with ease, Caitlin wondered if things would ever be okay.

If Barry would ever be okay.

She was still wondering that as Barry finally explained to all of them what he had done, how he, in a moment of selfishness, had single-handedly changed all of their lives.

He would carry that burden for a long, long time, perhaps forever, Caitlin thought, watching Barry's eyes dart from person to person, tears streaming down his face. He wiped them away quickly, almost angrily.

Have I changed? What was I like? Would I even know what was different? Because no matter what, time travel always had its consequences, and no person was left untouched.

"My dad and I… we got along in the other timeline, didn't we?" Iris asked softly, putting the pieces together. "That's why you tried so hard to get us to talk to each other."

She couldn't even begin to scrape the surface of how guilty Barry felt at ruining his surrogate family.

"So, you decide it's alright to change the timeline when someone in your family dies, but when it's someone in my family…" Cisco's level gaze could slice right through someone. He got up and left, shrugging off Caitlin's comforting hand on his shoulder.

More tears seeped out from under Barry's long eyelashes. This time, he wiped them away resignedly.

Caitlin always loved the way that Barry was more open with his emotions than most people, even women. Especially herself. It took a lot of bravery to wear your heart on your sleeve. But now, she simply felt her heart hurting for Barry as he cried openly in front of everyone he loved. "I'm gonna go talk to him," he said, following Cisco out.

"I need space," Iris said. She turned around, pulling out her cell phone. "Eddie? Hey babe. I'm at S.T.A.R. Labs — can you pick me up? Yeah, I got a ride here. Thanks, love you. See you soon."

The rest of them simply stared at each other in silence, Barry's confession hanging heavily in the air.

"Iris!" Caitlin said. "Wait. We're like a family here, and I know Barry's decisions hurt a lot of people, but I know he did it out of love. And that he will bear that burden for the rest of his life — the burden of knowing he changed our lives and didn't give us a choice."

The other woman turned around, her dark curls swinging over her shoulder. For a long moment, the two women looked at each other — unlikely friends who were drawn closer by their mutual love of one Barry Allen.

She sighed. "You're right, Caitlin." Iris looked at her dad. "Families fight sometimes… but in the end, we know it all boils down to love. Because when you stop and think about it, what we're fighting about seems silly anyway." Joe opened his arms for a hug, and Iris stepped into them, burying her face against her dad's familiar chest.

Caitlin gave them a soft smile. It seemed that for now, things would be alright.

S.T.A.R. Labs, Post-Flashpoint.

"Yo, man — it was really good having you out there with me today. Maybe we could make that a thing every once in awhile?" Barry said hopefully, raising his eyebrows and looking at his long-haired friend with puppy dog eyes.

"I have some things to work on before I can do that," Cisco said, getting up to leave.

Caitlin saw Barry's face fall. Cisco must've felt it too, because he paused and turned around. "But maybe someday. It'd be bitchin'." Waving a hand in the air and sounding much more like the old him, Cisco strode out of the Cortex, leaving Barry and Caitlin alone.

For a moment, it felt like the team was where it was supposed to be. The laughs, the smiles, the villains' nicknames… Caitlin gazed happily at Barry from her perch on the desk.

He walked over to her, crossing the distance easily in a few long strides. "Thank you, Cait," he sighed, tilting his head down to give her a soft peck on the lips.

"For what?" she asked, tilting her head questioningly and smiling at him.

"For always having my back, even when you knew what I'd done. For always trying to help. And for being you, of course."

"I love you, Barry. Of course I'll always be here for you." She blinked once, twice. It had slipped out, but the words felt right on her lips. She did love Barry, maybe had always loved Barry, and she was glad she finally said the words.

He looked as surprised as she did, his green eyes suspiciously bright as he blinked rapidly. "I love you too, Cait," he said softly, and drew her in for another kiss.

She pulled him closer, wrapping her legs around him, wanting him on every inch of her skin. His lips felt like fire against hers, and she moaned a little into them as he started doing things with his tongue —

"What the hell, guys!" Cisco's voice from the doorway startled them, and Barry literally fell on his butt.

His very cute butt, Caitlin thought. He looks great in that Flash suit,

"Hmmmmmmm?" Caitlin said, blushing furiously.

"What was that?" Cisco demanded.

"Wha-what?" Barry spluttered.

"Are you guys a thing? Was this always a thing? What happened? Oh my god, I don't think I even want to know. Ew. Okay, man, look. I just came in here to get my slushie, but really, guys. Please don't make a baby on our desk. I have to sit here. But I'm really happy for you two!" And with that, Cisco rushed back out.

"I think we scarred Cisco for life," Caitlin said, laughing.

"Let's take this out of S.T.A.R. Labs?" Barry asked, looking at her for approval.

She nodded and he scooped her up bridal style, putting her down gently in front of her apartment. She inserted her key into the lock with shaking fingers and as soon as they were in the apartment, Barry had her pressed against the door, his lips hot on hers once more.

Caitlin wrapped a leg around his waist, locking him in. His lips traveled south, nipping at her earlobe, trailing burning kisses down her neck. She closed her eyes, losing herself in the feeling. Even though she and Barry had confessed their mutual feelings for each other a few weeks ago, when Zoom had kidnapped her, they hadn't progressed past that. Each seemed to be tiptoeing the line between friendship and something more, held back by some strange uncertainty. And then Barry's dad had died, and she wanted to give him space. She knew altogether too well how much grief could change a person — and how much you needed to cope with grief yourself.

But all thoughts rushed out of her head as she unzipped his Flash suit, tracing her fingers down his lightning-induced abs. He paused in his kisses to grin up at her. "Like what you see, Dr. Snow?"

"Very much so," she replied, and pulled him back in — but not before removing her own top. He sighed, or rather hummed happily, and she couldn't help but grin at that – it was so Barry of him. He focused his attention on her newly uncovered skin, ghosting his lips over the swell of her breasts.

"Barry, bedroom, now." Caitlin ordered, before all coherent thoughts escaped her. And with a flash, they were there.

Caitlin's apartment, Post-Flashpoint.

"I'm starving," Barry complained from the sea of blankets, Caitlin wrapped in the crook of his arm, her head resting on Barry's chest.

"I can hear your stomach grumbling," she acquiesced with a laugh. "Wanna order delivery?"

"Oooh, yes!" His eyes lit up like a child being told he could have ice cream for dinner.

"What're you in the mood for?"

"I can always eat anything, you know that. You pick."

"Are we having the couple's classic 'no, you pick the restaurant!' argument already?"

"Are we arguing, Dr. Snow?"

"No, definitely not. Well, I am in the mood for some bougie pizza."

"Bougie pizza, huh?"

"Yep. This place in Leawood does this thin crust pizza with sausage and truffles and honestly, it's kind of overpriced, but it's my favorite with a glass of wine." She sighed happily and snuggled closer to his chest for a moment, before rolling away and picking up her phone.

"OK, they'll be here in the 30 minutes!" She chirped, feeling lighter than she had in ages. Barry had this strange ability to make her forget the outside world, even when it was crisis after crisis.

"Welll, I know what we could do to keep us occupied for the next 30 minutes," he said, pulling her back next to him and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're quite the seducer, Mr. Allen," she said as she bopped his nose with her finger.

"I am. But only with you." He grinned.

"We make quite the pair, don't we?" She asked, both of them remembering that moment where they had felt something more.

"We are," he answered, forgoing additional words in favor of kisses.

30 minutes later, the pizza guy stood in front of Caitlin's apartment, ringing the doorbell for the fifth time. "These people," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "They're probably having sex."

All of a sudden, the pizza was gone from his hands, and in its place was a fifty dollar bill. He could've sworn he saw a flash of red lightning and a laughing voice echo from the apartment. Shrugging his shoulders, he walked back to his car, rejoicing at his good luck.