Chapter 33. Interlude

"What do you think? Last one." Addison does a dramatic half-spin for Savvy, showing off the floor-length, off-the-shoulder gown she's currently wearing. She attempts to keep her face expressionless while she watches for her friend's reaction. The first dress Addison tried on, four dresses earlier – the steel gray one with the fitted bodice and sheer-lace half sleeves – remains her favorite, and has been her favorite since she first saw it a few weeks ago, but the opinion of her best friend is still influential when it comes to making a decision on what gown to walk down the aisle in.

Savvy tips her head, considering. "I really like it – gray and silver are such nice colors on you, and perfect for a December wedding – but the first one is still my favorite. It just seems like the most romantic and eye-catching. This is a fun fashion show though. I'm glad I get to see these ahead of time."

"I'm glad you're having a good time. The first is my favorite too, but I wanted you to see the others I narrowed it down to anyway. Just to be sure."

"And apparently Kate wanted to as well," Savvy grins at the baby gurgling in her arms – bigger and much more wiggly than her babies, but only having to juggle one baby makes this more relaxing in some ways. The twins are at home with Weiss, and Mark came over to watch a Rangers game and probably a myriad of other things via constant channel-flipping – both men agree October is the best month in terms of available sports to watch. "You could have left this little munchkin with the boys, you know," Savvy continues. "They could handle three babies. I know I like to give Mark a lot of shit, but I would leave, like, a platoon of babies with him. He's the most obnoxious and punchable man in the world, but he's a really, really good dad."

"I know. It's more of a -"

"Not wanting to be apart from your kid thing? I get that. Even though I'm apart from Em and Drew at the moment and I'm…kind of loving it?"

Addison laughs, stepping down from the fitting platform. "I understand that feeling, believe me. Especially since they're not even two months yet. Motherhood is so weird. It's a hailstorm of guilt and five-thousand sanctimonious mommy blogs. But no, I was going to say this is more of a shallow thing. I brought Kate's dress for the wedding with me because I want to see what her dress and my favorite one look like together. Maybe you can change her into it while I get back in the first one, if you don't mind? It's in the diaper bag. I need the visual – for pictures in general, of course, but also in the event that I'm holding her on my hip during my vows. She's being an angel right now, and she loves her Aunt Savvy, but she's been experiencing some separation anxiety lately. And then there's just the fact that she's a baby. I'm expecting a few hiccups during the actual ceremony."

Addison directs a smile towards Kate. Her daughter gives her a gummy, first-tooth-close-to-breaking-the-surface grin in response, but is otherwise perfectly happy to continue playing with a multi-colored activity cube while curled up in Savvy's lap. The middle of October has brought forth a lot of new milestones and developments. Kate responds to her name, sits without support, loves her stuffed elephant, is getting closer to crawling, has mastered rolling in both directions, grabs at her feet, wants to put everything in her mouth (feet included), likes seeing the Halloween decorations flanking the Upper East Side, can move toys back-and-forth between her hands (she loves stacking toys now and anything that lights up), and she laughs – belly-laughs, really – when they're at the park and Mark crunches fallen leaves between his fists for her to see.

The plan is for Kate to sit with Savvy and Weiss during the wedding ceremony. Their nanny has a conflict that weekend, so she isn't an option, but since the Beckers are not planning on bringing the twins (Savvy's text said "Lmao NO" when Addison asked if she was), having Kate with them is the best option. And if Kate suddenly develops an aversion to her godparents, there are other family members and friends present who would be happy to hold her (for whatever reason, Kate really loves Addison's father in particular). That said, Addison is prepared for the possibility that at some point during the ceremony, her daughter will wind up in hers or Mark's arms. And she is okay with that.

Savvy nods in agreement. "I'll do my best to control her, but yeah, her being more mobile doesn't help either. I think she's going to be an early crawler. Scooting by then for sure. You seem oddly calm about potential hiccups though. I was expecting more…neurotic-ness from you."

"I'm sure it's coming and you'll get to experience it," Addison smirks. "Probably closer to the actual ceremony. You know these things rarely go off without a hitch though, and having a baby present – because it's not like I can duct tape her mouth – sort of guarantees it won't be perfect. Perfect is overrated though. Oh, and by the way…did Mark talk to you about some sort of…plan he has? After we spend a few days in Cape Cod for our kid-included Honeymoon, he wants to do something else before we come back home. I told him he needs to run it by you first. Not only did he think it was a good idea, but a funny one. I'm concerned. Very, very concerned, actually."

"He told me. On a related note: let me know if you guys need to borrow an air horn and insect repellent…oh my God, I'm kidding," Savvy bursts into laughter when an expression of horror shifts over the bride-to-be's face. Savvy had other examples she wanted to run through – namely, hiking boots, sleeping bags, and fire starter squares – but she takes pity on Addison first. "Don't worry, it's indoors and you'll have a fun and relaxing time. You'll love it, actually. Kate will too. I promise. It's not the location itself that's funny…but I can't say more than that because I don't want to spoil it. Just know that I laughed when Mark provided me with some context, and you know I try never to laugh at anything he says. And I would tell you if it was stupid. When it comes to ideas though, Mark is like that expression about a broken clock – he's entitled to occasionally be right about something. So you're just gonna have to trust us both."

"I don't like that, but I'll try. Alright, let me go put the winning dress back on."

"Addie?" Savvy calls before Addison heads into the dressing room. "I'm so glad you're happy. It's great to see you like this – you haven't been this happy in a long, long time. And even though Mark is truly the most obnoxious and punchable man to walk the earth, I do love him for you, and I love how much he loves you and Kate. You deserve this, you know."

"Thank you, Sav. Can I tell Mark you said that?" Addison says with a playful grin, already certain of her friend's answer.

"Absolutely not. I don't want him thinking I've gone soft."

-

"It's always going to be us going to Sav and Weiss's from now on, isn't it?" Mark asks on Halloween. He grins to provide some reassurance that this is not a problem, but just a good-humored observation. Their plan for the evening (because there is always a plan now that there's a baby) is to eat an early dinner and then head to Savvy and Weiss's pretty much just to take pictures of the babies in their Halloween costumes. And while Mark and Addison are working their way through their adult dinner and simultaneously offering Kate tiny mouthfuls of pureed pears, they are already thinking ahead to what items they still need to toss in the diaper bag.

"Yes. Until Emily the polar bear and Andrew the lion can pack for themselves, I would imagine so," Addison answers with a resigned grin. "Look how long it takes us to get out the door with just one baby. Can you imagine having to do this with two?"

"God, no. I can barely get myself out the door as it is."

"Believe me, I know. Hey, just curious – what did you wear for Halloween when you were a kid?" She gestures towards Kate's adorable lamb costume, currently folded on the kitchen counter awaiting its occupant (they are not foolish enough to feed her in the costume).

"I was usually just a superhero or a Yankee," Mark replies. "Derek's mom would always hand-make his and his sisters' costumes, and once we became closer friends, she would make costumes for me too, and I would go trick-or-treating with them – but I think I stopped wearing costumes earlier than most kids. One time Derek and I were pirates though, and Carolyn made Amelia a parrot costume – she was like one at the time, so she had zero say in the matter – and we took turns carrying her around all night on our shoulders. I think I carried her more though, because one: Derek was kind of a scrawny weakling. And two: in an occurrence that will surprise no one, Carolyn had to take my pirate's sword away at one point because I was being too aggressive with it…which left Amelia as the only available accessory. What about you?"

"It varied. Usually something girly. A fairy, a princess, Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, Holly Golightly…that sort of thing. And one time I went as Jo March, but no one really got that one. I was dressed as a pumpkin for my first Halloween though…which is nowhere near as cute as what Kate will be wearing tonight."

At the sound of her name, Kate glances up from the board book that has been keeping her occupied post-pears. Her tongue slides past her lips just a little bit, her typical movement when she spies something she wants, regardless of whether or not it is something she can actually have or eat (ceiling fans and Mark's facial hair, for example).

"What are you looking at, my little lamb? Mommy's green juice?" Addison dips two fingers into her smoothie. "You want to try a little?" She catches the look on Mark's face, which does not surprise her; Addison is pretty regimented when it comes to introducing new foods one at a time.

"Really?" He asks.

"It's fine. I'll just give her a taste. It's only kale, cucumbers, celery, and apples." In the world of exciting purees so far, Kate loves apples, sweet potatoes, and pears, and has had reactions that have ranged from neutral to less enthused for carrots, bananas, avocados, and butternut squash.

Addison coaxes her smoothie-drenched fingers between her daughter's parted lips. Kate holds the liquid in her mouth for a moment, but then her tiny nose wrinkles. She leans forward and thrusts her tongue out, forcing the liquid to dribble unceremoniously from her mouth and down her bib.

"Seems like that's a no," Addison says following this exhibition. Kate releases a whiny cry to indicate her displeasure.

"Katherine Savannah," Mark says with complete seriousness, prompting her to look over at him. "I have never loved you more than I do in this moment."

Addison rolls her eyes. "You go ahead and savor this victory for now, Mark, because there is going to come a day when Kate has to be like every other miserable kid and sit at the dinner table until she finishes her veggies. The only thing that will make her different is that her father will be stuck with her because he's also refusing to eat his veggies."

"You've got that right."

-

"He's the one this time, Kitten?" Henry Montgomery asks while he and his wife are visiting for the weekend, once Mark is out of earshot, having retreated to the bedroom to take a quick work call. Henry holds Kate in his arms while she bounces against his thighs, babbling happily and smiling a pearly, one-toothed smile. Kate's grandfather is also doing a very commendable job of not being grossed out by the spit bubbles currently rolling from Kate's lips.

Addison nods confidently. "He's the one, Dad."

"She looks at him like he's the one, too," Henry tips his chin forward to indicate his bouncing granddaughter. "Not that Kate doesn't look at you like you'd lasso the moon for her, but -"

"No, I know," Addison replies good-naturedly. "She's a total Daddy's Girl." And not just because of their mutual distaste for green foods, she thinks. Addison never doubts for a moment how much her daughter loves her, and if it is comfort Kate wants she looks to Addison first – but there's just something about the way she looks at Mark, and how she responds to him. Addison adores it though. What more could she really ask for in a father for her child?

"I'm happy for you, Addison. Your mother and I both are."

"We're both what, Henry?" Isabelle asks as she comes into the living room with several drinks balanced on a tray, even though Addison insisted she could do it; grandmother-hood (not that Isabelle would ever call it that; she is referred to as Bebe, never the G-word) seems to have softened her mother a bit though.

"We're both happy for our daughter. About the upcoming wedding."

Isabelle nods in agreement as she passes out drinks. She then completes a trade with her husband, handing over a glass of iced tea in exchange for her granddaughter. "Yes," she balances Kate on her hip. "We really are."

"This one needs to stick though," Henry continues with a teasing-but-also-not-really grin. He lowers his voice. "I'm not walking you down the aisle a third time, you know."

"Oh, actually…" Addison blushes and offers a diminutive smile, hoping she can explain this in a way that does not cause any hurt feelings. "I'm actually not going to do the traditional dad-and-daughter aisle thing this time. It's not you – it's just something I want to do solo, because certain things about me are just…different now. I want you in the first row to watch me though."

This is one of the first things Addison thought about when it came to planning a second wedding. The first time down the aisle, she walked with her father to marry a man she loved very much, but also a man who she didn't necessarily know if he was the one or not. This time is different.

Mostly though, she is different. Almost a year and-a-half ago, she blew up her marriage and everything she thought she knew about who she was, tumbling forward into a dark, scary new place. Things were a little dark before that, too, when she was muddling through the shadowy confines of an unhappy marriage, but the aftermath was even darker. She managed to carry herself forward from that place though. Mark may have brought the sun out again and Kate may have raised it to high noon, but she also found a lot of strength, resilience, and mindfulness within herself to be able to claw her way out of the darkness and find happiness. So, yes. She will walk herself down the aisle this time.

"Even better," her dad responds with a sharp nod. "I can show up right before the ceremony starts then."

"Aha, no. You will arrive with at least twenty minutes to spare, and will sit in the seat I tell you to ahead of time."

"Well…" Henry glances at Isabelle, smirking knowingly. "Some things may be different about you now and what you want for this wedding, but I can see that you still have the same stubbornness and Type A stuff locked down."

Addison laughs. "Yeah, I kind of do."

-

They have slowly, slowly dipped back in to being physically-at-the-hospital on-call, and on occasion, work late enough that stars are pinned to blue-black skies when they arrive back at the apartment (one at a time though so that one of them is always home to put Kate to bed for the night; they are not willing to divert from this). Tonight is such a night for Mark, and he yawns tiredly as he makes his way into the master bedroom. He went to Kate's room to sneak a peek at her first, but a Post-it on her closed door alerts him that she is in bed with Addison. This does not particularly surprise him. After a blissful few months of Kate mostly sleeping through the night, she has taken to waking up once or twice a night again. If they are lucky, they can just stay in bed and laugh while Kate babbles (loudly) through her entire catalogue of vowel chains before drifting back to sleep. If they are less lucky though, they wake up to the sound of Kate fussing for no apparent reason other than what Addison reports is separation anxiety and infant FOMO. Mark assumes tonight was the latter scenario, and although Addison has said they need to stick to their bedtime routine and comfort Kate without removing her from her crib in order to remind her that it's nighttime, not hang-out-with-Mom-and-Dad time, it is clear to Mark that his fiancée is just talking a big game.

He utilizes the guest bathroom to strip down to his boxers and wash up so he can limit the amount of noise (it would probably be fine, but not taking any chances with a sleeping baby is always preferred), and then heads into the bedroom, smiling when he spots both redheads sleeping peacefully. Addison is cocooned in a fleece throw blanket (he notices she has left a similar one on Mark's side of the bed), and Kate is snuggled next to her on top of their fitted sheet, a pacifier between her pursed lips and clothed in a blue sleep sack festooned with woodland animals.

Mark leaves his side of the bed untouched for now and crawls in behind Addison. He wraps an arm over her waist and reaches for one her hands, cupping his fingers around hers. She stirs a little under his arm, inhaling sleepily.

A shrink he once paid an exorbitant amount of money to over a period of two years told him once that behind Mark's rugged and confident exterior, he was self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree. This was something Doctor Wallace said that Mark did not really need to be out four-hundred dollars to know about himself. Testing limits; a distaste for meaningful intimacy that conflicted with a dislike for sleeping alone; the recklessness born from a fear of vulnerability; one foot always out the door; less-than-healthy habits; and the way he found such perpetual comfort in being miserable and destroying anything good. Most of these he can trace back to emotionally detached parents and poor boundaries – it was all just reflexive, twisted patterns of starkness with him. Whether they were conscious or subconscious actions on Mark's part, it was just a world of his quiet creation. His game. With wins and losses along the way.

But it is not a game anymore. Not since things started with Addison. She is here. She is now. And although he is better for having met her, for being with her, he wonders sometimes if he really did change, or if this version of himself was just in hibernation. Sometimes it just feels like he became himself with her.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Addison asks, as though she is somehow reading aloud his thoughts, which briefly startles him.

"What?"

She moves her body closer, and then clarifies: "I figured you'd go to sleep on your side of the bed…that Kate would be in the middle so you can be closer to the president of the Green Juice Sucks Club."

"I figured she wouldn't be in our bed at all." Mark says it teasingly so she understands there is no judgment. He knows without a doubt he would have done the same thing, probably would have caved before her. Kate is sometimes able to push herself into a seated position now, and he really cannot think of many things sadder than walking into your baby's room to find her sitting up, tears stuck to her cheeks, and holding her arms out for you. It is hard not to swoop her up and immediately bring her back to bed when it happens.

"Yeah, well. I'm a softie," Addison replies guiltily. "Sorry not sorry."

"Kate has that effect on people. And she knows it."

"How was…" she stifles a yawn. "How was your shift?"

"Good. Go back to sleep, Ad. I'm still planning on joining President Kate on the non-vegetable-loving side of the bed, but I just…" a blush creeps across his cheeks. "I wanted to lie with you for a little bit first. You know, like this."

"You're a softie too, Mark," she murmurs, but is certainly not complaining about the opportunity for closeness and attachment with him. She lets her eyes slip shut again, feeling his heart beat soothingly against her back.

Mark grins into the curve of her neck as her breathing evens. "I never claimed not to be one with you," he whispers.