Chapter 45: An Evening Of Reflection

{A/N: Here's Another update...Late Post}

My Thanks To All My Readers and Reviewers...Enjoy-S.S.

The Sitting Room, Northside Cottage, Greenvile, England, Muggle World...

{Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me...Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me...No one could control me, left my lovers lonely...Had to fuck it up before I really got to know me..Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me...Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me...No one could control me, left my lovers lonely...Had to fuck it up before I really got to know me, eh-eh...All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made...Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid...Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me...Had to fuck it up before I let you get to know me....}Old Me, 5 Seconds Of Summer

The familiar pelting of rain against the windows and the rooftop of the cottage had been much the only sound that echoed through out every room. Hermione had seen to Claudia and her son settling into the spare bedroom and ventured back to find her husband seemingly lost in thought. There had been so much about him that she had been yet to discover, especially given his time within the muggle world and the secrets he had kept hidden from almost everyone whom had claimed to be of his aquaintence within the wizarding world. Hermione approached the contemplating Snape wondering for herself what he had been like as a boy growing up in a broken home and the impoverished town of Cokeworth. From what she had witnessed of his life in the wizarding world, he had apparently taken special care to bury the past if only to spare his former friends the attention of the despot as well as an effort to carve out his own legacy far away from the cruelty of his own muggle father.

"Severus." said Hermione a bit concerned that the memories of his past might inspire him to drink.

Snape continued to stare out the window at the pelting rain.

He had come along way from being the unwanted young lad raised in Cokeworth. He had his own mistakes to be ashamed of in the wake of Tobias' drunken bouts and embittered memories. In his own mind he had not faired any better than his father in his treatment of his wife, while he had not struck her as Tobias had Eileen, his verbal and emotional abuse had taken it's toll on her as much as the loss of their first child had. The divorce had been his way of atoning for his mistakes and enabling her to be free of him.

"Severus." said Hermione once more.

This time she had gotten his attention and he turned to face her.

"Is something wrong?" he asked his attention shifting to her and their unborn child.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." replied Hermione with something of a small smile.

Snape arched a brow at this once more causing his wife to reflect on his expressions when he had been her Potions Professor.

"You are wondering if running into my old friend brought back any more unpleasant memories." he said observing her.

"Well..." she began. "Yes."

"I'm fine." replied Snape. "In fact, most of the memories that she brought back were pleasant enough...we were friends after all."

"Did you miss them at all?" asked Hermione unable to tame her innate curiousity.

Snape took a moment to answer turning his attention back to the window and the falling rain.

"I suppose a part of me did." he replied rather honestly. "And the rest was more than willing to let the memories fade."

"Because of Voldemort?" asked the inquizative witch needing to know more.

"No." replied Snape evenly. "Because of Tobias."

"What did he have to do with anything?" asked Hermione not understanding Snape's implication of wanting to forget his friends.

"I wanted nothing to do with anything that remotely reminded me of him." replied Snape still staring out the window.

Hermione understood this. In fact she wouldn't have wanted to remember anything about her unwanted father-in law either.

"I'm sorry." she said noting that she'd been prying again.

Snape sighed turning away from the window and back to his young wife again.

"Enough about the past." he said giving her his full attention. "How are you feeling?"

"Quite miserable actually." replied Hermione with a smile. "It seems your daughter isn't a fan of breakfast."

Snape smirked noting the implication of her words.

"Well...I suppose we should lie down for a bit." he said. "Possibly calm her down."

Hermione let out a blissful sigh as she felt him wrap his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace. She enjoyed being close to her husband, even during the early years of their marriage, it was simply difficult to manage with his brazen temper and numerous obligations.

"I love you Severus." said Hermione as if his attempt at changing the subject had not occured.

"I know." he replied holding her tightly.

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The Master Bedroom,Northside Cottage, Greenvile, England, Muggle World...

Snape walked Hermione toward their shared bed, a series of kisses exchanged with each step. She had insisted on his company at least until she had fallen asleep given the unrest in her belly in the wake of their still forming child's internal attacks. Snape seemed to be more relaxed as he climbed back into bed with his young wife, letting his hand move along her belly to let his child know of his presence. He remembered how it had been the first time Hermione had managed to be come pregnant. The remnants of war still remained and the sentiments with it. He had arrived from Azkaban a further broken shell of the man she knew him as and still she desired him.

It was in those days, that he had begun to do the one thing that he had spent the enirety of two wizarding wars without, hope.

Given his service for Dumbledore and his sentencing in Azkaban, Snape had believed his past had been behind him and that he could for the first time in his life look forward to a future...any kind of future with at least a measure of contentment if not outright happiness. He'd suffered in misery so long that it had no effect and being on the outside looking in at people whom had managed to be happy had been rather enlightening. At the time he believed that he could finally share in the experiance.

Sadly, he had been mistaken.

Every ounce of hope he had invested in the future had been ripped away from him that fateful day in the barn when his only son had not drawn breath. The subsequent divorce had only made matters worse, as without Hermione he had completely lost any chance of ever feeling hope again. Until the determined young witch had taken it upon herself to set things right. It was in this brief moment, when he looked over his sleeping wife in the home she picked far from the horrors of their collective pasts, that he began to understand what it truly meant to hope for something. Whither Hermione knew it or not, this baby meant a great deal to him. The last of his ablity to hope rested with this child and he feared for it's future more so than he ever let on.