The Song Of Her Heart
Chapter 25
… You may ask me why…
Jaune sighed as he walked down the halls of Beacon, doing his best to keep out of sight of anyone that would question why a shirtless guy covered in scars was walking down the hallway… heh, he probably should have tried to find a shirt before he left, but right now… right now the only thing that mattered to him was finding his team.
Nora, the ever-happy bomber was no doubt doing her best to keep strong and cheerful to keep everyone happy… or at least as happy as they could be. He knew she was actually a deeply hurt person who tried her best to not show it, he hated what he'd done to her, the pain she no doubt was feeling. A deep set frown set across his features, her face filled with a bright smile that didn't meet her eyes.
Ren, his friend and someone he honestly thought of as the brother he'd always wanted. He was always there to give advice, always there to help him think through things he considered impossible but Ren made seem so simple… and yet he was like him, wasn't he? Struggling to come to terms with a girl that was in love with him… well… at least he was pretty certain that Ren felt the same about Nora, that made it easier for him at least.
Then… then there was Pyrrha…
He thought back to the words his mom had said to him all those years ago, when he'd been a stupid kid who had just started taking an interest in girls… gods did he wish he'd remembered her words when he'd come to Beacon, instead he'd been stupid and followed his dads' 'advice'.
5 Years ago
"Jaune?" His mom smiled, rubbing away the dirty patch on his cheek which he tried to get away from like all kids his age. "I noticed you've been looking at girls lately"
"I-! I um… I dunno what you're talking about, m-mom…" he mumbled turning away from her only for his mom to laugh in that way that made it clear she knew he was lying.
"Oh Jaune, you know naughty boys who lie get snatched by the big, bad Grimm~!" she cooed, ruffling his hair and making his face blush a deep red.
"I'm nooooot!" He groaned, slamming his face into his hands to hide it from her, only succeeding in making her laugh all the harder.
"So, is that why I saw you staring at the girl with red hair earlier? You know, the one with those pretty pigtails you were looking at with googly eyes?" she asked, Jaune jumping in fright, how had she known!?
He could swear that no one had been around when he'd been looking at Crimson, not that he was looking at just her! No, he'd been… he'd been…
"Oh, my little knight has gotten into girls! Ooo! I'm so excited!" she grinned, Jaune making to walk away in a tween huff when his mom grabbed his arm gently, pulling him down and letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry~ Let my lil heart get too excited there… But I am happy for you, Jaune, because any girl would be lucky to be with such a nice and caring boy like you!" she told him, cheerily smacking his arm… to which he did his best to not yelp like a little girl at the force behind it, a deep set frown running across his lips.
"Yeah… but the last girl who I called pretty called me gross… no girl likes a whimp like me, said it herself…" Jaune placing his head into his hands and letting out a sorrowful moan for his plight, feeling that same old and horrible dread well up inside him, not noticing the dark look crossing his moms' face.
"Well, Sweetheart…" the creaking of wood and the warping of metal clear to his ears as he watched his mom's teeth grind together. "Some girls don't realise what they're missing… but let me tell you something, alright?"
He lay his head onto her chest, nuzzling closer that he'd ever admit it, and letting out a little sigh as her arm wrapped around him.
"Your father was the exact same as you growing up, you know?" he snapped up with wide eyes and stared at her, unable to do much else. "Yup! Talked with his mom and dad when we started dating, apparently I was the first girl he'd ever brought home, they apparently thought he'd never find someone! He was bad with talking to girls, none would give him a chance and one even called him pathetic" he gently coughed at the way her grip tightened on him. "Heck, he was still bad with girls when I met him in Beacon… I thought he was kinda sweet and a dork but was a bit too over the top for me, but then I realised something. He was trying to be something he wasn't. He tried to act like the big man, and he was frankly, guy could throw and Ursa and hit a Nevermore while smirking at the girls… but that was a dime a dozen for guys at Beacon back then. You know what made me actually want to be with him, Jaune?"
He shook his head, confusion written across his face, not too sure what else a girl could want in a guy… all the girls at school liked the boys who were strong…
"What made me want to be with your father was when I saw the true him behind that silly mask. I saw him making a birthday cake for his teammate who wasn't able to go home to see their family, a carefree smile on his face as he hummed a tune and danced around with a big pink apron. Oh my goodness it was so funny I had to run away to stop him hearing my laughter! Then, I saw him carry a baby bird back to its' nest after it fell out, got pecked to heck by the mother for it, but he walked away with a smile anyway. Heard him telling his friends later that he didn't mind getting a little hurt so long as that chick was alright. One time, I dropped my food tray on the floor and everyone started laughing at me, but not your dad, oh no. He picked his own and walked up to me, pretty much a total stranger, and offered to share with me. He walked me up to this little area in the Beacon gardens and just talked to me, chatted about anything and everything he could think of to make me smile and laugh. We ended up doing that a lot, his team and mine teasing we were dating behind their backs but the big softy would get flustered whenever they'd say that, saying a girl like me would never like a dork like him… I realised after seeing little things like this that I had a little crush on him… but you know what made me fall for him?"
Her words caused a frown to cross his face, his dad was so cool… he made all the women in town blush without trying, beat up a hundred Grimm and be home in time for dinner! He was a hero, Jaune secretly wanting to be just like him one day. Be the hero, save the girl and become a legend like his ancestor during the war. Why would his mom like his dad for anything but being that?
"A girl he was friends with was being bullied for wearing glasses, I think her name was Glynda, and boy oh boy… did I find out what happens to people who mess with those he cared about. He challenged an entire team to a fight when he found out they'd stolen and smashed her glasses, impaled a knife into their door frame with a note saying as much!"
"But see! Dad beat them up and was a hero! He was cool and took out the bad guys!" he countered, furrowed eyebrows and narrowed eyes having her let out a sigh with a smile.
"Oh, my silly little hero, that's not what happened though… those guys would have kicked your dads' butt! Seriously, they were some of the best first years and while your dad was no push over… he was trying to fight an entire team, here"
"Huh!? B-But why would you like him then, if he got his butt kicked!? All the girls at school call me a whimp when I get beaten up, even a girl whose brownie I was trying to get back for her!" he shook his head in complete and utter bafflement, blinking a few times when he found their mailbox had suddenly disappeared and his mom smiling at him overly sweetly.
"That didn't happen either. I cornered him and demanded to know why he'd done it, I was worried for the guy I was friends with and had a crush on after all, his answer? He wouldn't abandon a friend, he would never leave her alone to suffer, he said that he'd given his word as an Arc to make her smile again and getting payback on them was the only thing he could think of. He told me that was why he had come up to me that day, he'd wanted to make me smile again, to make me happy when I was sad because he liked seeing me happy… oh gosh your father was such a charmer, hee~"
"Mooooommmm…" he groaned, doing his best to pull away from his doe eyed mom.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry~!" she pulled him right back in with a giggle. "Well, I decided right then and there that I was in love with him and needed to protect my silly man at all costs! So… your mom, umm… may have made sure those bullies… c-couldn't be there to hurt your dad, heh…"
"You beat them up, didn't you?" the deadpan expression he shot her way had his mom squirming with heated cheeks.
"Only the leader! The others just… ran away… screaming… loudly… I never told your dad but when he went to fight them I made sure to be in the background with my patented scary glower, suffice to say your dad got them to pay for that girls' glasses there and then. Your momma got her nerves up and asked him out, should have seen your poor dad! Red as a tomato! But, of course, he said yes!" she thumped her chest, a big grin on her face. "I know it may seem like I'm rambling sweetie, but I swear there's a lesson here. I only ever started to fall in love with your dad when he started to act like himself, when he stopped putting on this big show. It wasn't that he wanted to fight that team that made me fall for him, nope! It was the fact that he was willing to put himself at risk if it meant helping his friend. He didn't care about what happened to him, all he cared about was seeing her smile again. That is what made me fall for him. You need to do the same, Jaune, the right girl will fall for you. Not the person you pretend to be, alright? I never want you to ever feel like you have to be someone you're not"
He smiled, nodding his head and seeing her grin excitedly at his apparent acceptance… but there was a problem…
He didn't believe her.
How could he? His dad had been nice and strong. He had been cool and even his dorkier side made him look a hero, saving that baby bird, willing to get beaten up to help his friend… when he was just… him. His dad could have at least held his ground for a little while until his mom got there, while he… would have been eating dirt withing seconds. His dad has his awesome magic, like his mom, while he had zip…* there was nothing about him that a girl would like.
He was weak, dorky, uncool and just… Jaune. Not a living legend like his dad.
But he smiled all the same for her, his mom for once not seeing his lie and patting his shoulder.
"Trust me, sweetie, you'll be a heartbreaker before you know it!"
Now
His mom's words had come true it turned out… just not in the way he'd have ever expected. He'd been that to Pyrrha, he'd not put on this big show, not tried to act like he was anything other than himself… because he'd never been interested in her like that… he'd been himself to her, dorky traits and all, which was apparently what had made her fall in love with him…
He wished he'd followed her advice, been this way from the start and not tried to be something he wasn't. Why had he been so stupid and gone with his dad's advice, and why had he given it him in the first place? Oh… that was right, his mom had never actually told him… his dad had just slowly stopped doing those stupid macho things as the years went on apparently…
That way he wouldn't have gone through this terrible thing with Weiss, heck they could have been friends for a long time if he'd been the way he was with her now, instead of trying to put on this stupid act to try and impress her!
He could have… he could have realised what he was doing to his friend… what he was doing to his partner who believed in him long before anyone save for Ruby ever had… he could have spared her the pain of seeing him flirt with a girl who'd never like him back.
He could have… he could have fallen in love with her.
His heart was racing as he did his absolute best to keep his feet moving, keep his mind focused and not give into the fear of what he was about to do…
How? How had he never noticed?
'Jaune? Would you… would you like me to help me with the test coming up? I don't mind spending time helping you, I quite enjoy it to be honest'
How could he have been so stupid? He'd spent so much time chasing after Weiss, someone who had up until recently hated him, when Pyrrha had… had felt the way she had about him?
Silently suffering as she watched him flirt with a girl who would never see him as more than, at least now anyway, a friend… He couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt her to see it, but the realisation that she had… that made his heart ache. It made it hurt so badly that he clutched his torn and scarred skin where it thundered beneath, against his aching ribs.
'Jaune? If it's not too much trouble, would you like to share these chocolates with me? We can even watch a movie together to make it more fun!'
She had done everything she could to show him she cared for him as more than just a friend, showed him that she wanted him to see her as more than just a friend… but he never had and now…?
Now…
Jaune! Oh my goodness, that was terrible! Hehe… thank you though… you know, it's been far too long since such a kind and caring young man came into my life…'
He still didn't feel it… he didn't feel anything to her that could be considered romantic. He saw her as a partner he could always rely on, a teammate who never judged him and a dear friend who raised him up when he was low… someone who he loved truly… as a friend. That was all… and he hated himself for not being able to care for her as anything more.
He took a deep breath as he found himself in front of his teams' door, his hand struggling to raise to knock against the wooden panel. Luckily… he was doing his best to keep thinking it was luckily, it was taken out of his hands.
The door opened and his breath caught as he took in the sight of Pyrrha… Oh, Pyrrha…
Her eyes were puffy and red raw, dark bags hanging under them and showing signs she had been crying. Her once beautifully combed hair was now a tangled mess and had lost the beautiful shine, split ends near constant. Her clothes were wrinkled and a mess of buttons haphazardly shoved through any accompanying eyelet her fingers found. Skin was pale and almost unhealthy looking, almost as if the life was being stolen from her… stolen by him. Her arms were shaking at her sides while her body swayed back and forth ever so slightly… that was until she saw him.
Hazy jade sharpened to piercing emerald, hand ceased to shake and ever so slowly rose to take hold of his face as liquid spilled down her cheeks, disbelief in her eyes.
"J… Jaune?" The question left her lips even as she didn't seem to believe her own words.
He smiled even as his heart ached at that look in her eyes… he'd seen it so many times before, but only now did he realise the meaning behind that look. Gods did he wish he'd known far sooner.
"Hey, Pyr"
"Is… is it really you?"
"Yeah… it's me…" he found a true smile form on his lips as she slammed into him, ignoring the sharp stabbing sensation that ran through him in favour of comforting his friend… he bet it would be the last time he would be able to do this for a long time.
She shook in his arms, a sob wracking through her body as her hands clung to him for dear life, he bet she was scared to let go in case he disappeared again.
"I-hic-I thought I'd lost you!" she wailed, her entire body falling against him as he had to lead her back into their room to avoid disturbing the other teams, walking her back to her bed and sitting her down next to him. He wasn't going to try and move away from her anyway, even if he was a little uncomfortable as he stressed the scars near his stomach in this position… he knew she likely wouldn't let him move away right now. Not that he wanted to. He wanted to comfort her, to make her as happy as he possibly could… more than likely in a way to try and make himself feel better.
"I know… I know… I'm so sorry for scaring you like that, dumb old me worrying you like usual"
"No! N-No… stop bl-blaming yourself… it's not your fault" her heard the venom that entered her words as she spoke, it wasn't too hard to guess who she was talking about. She clearly wanted to say more, but a choked sob broke out instead, her head resting against his shoulder as it grew wet with hot tears which streaked down his tender skin.
He chose not to answer though, instead pulling his partner who, for once, didn't seem so invincible… no, instead she seemed truly weak in this moment. So fragile and afraid of anything and everything as he held her like he used to hold Violette whenever she had a nightmare. He hated that, that was the only real comparison he could think of.
He held her like that for a while, keeping her close as she cried it out, cried out all her pain and her sadness… he… he really had left her all alone hadn't he? He'd left his sweet and kind partner all alone, like she always had been before meeting him… the happiness she'd known at Beacon he'd torn away from her when he was hurt. Her chest heaved as she tried to take in oxygen even as her lungs forced it right back out with her sobs.
He was shocked to find Nora and Ren weren't there, he'd half expected to see the pair of them when he'd come back, Pyrrha off somewhere trying to remain strong in front of them… he was the only person she really let her guard down around. Instead the only thing in the room other than Pyrrha that was out of the usual, was the large amount of used tissues laying across her bed and what looked like a broken piece of his armour.
Had she been keeping that close? Had she been trying to keep a little bit of him near her to… to keep hope alive that he would pull through? Dark, stabbing pain shooting into his heart, a croak of agony trying to break free but he forced it down, Pyrrha needed him.
Eventually, she stopped and caught her breath, those hazy emerald eyes focusing in on him again, a look in her eyes that showed she was thinking of something that had his heart beat quickening. It was now or never, gods did he wish he was a braver man than he was.
"Are you okay now?" He asked her, Pyrrha smiling ever so slightly, head nodding even as she sniffled ever so gently. He smiled for her, and it really was only for her, he wanted her to see how much her being okay made him happy. Because that's all he ever wanted for his partner, to see her smile and be happy, to make her life at Beacon as good as it could possibly be. That was all he'd ever hoped to give to Pyrrha, and yet he knew how much pain he had caused her… how much pain he was going to cause her. "Pyrrha… we need to talk. It's… please believe me when I say that I wish there was a better time for this, but I can't not tell you now.. after what I've learned"
He saw the way her eyes lit up for a moment, a faint smile filtering over her lips that made him hate himself all the more for how he'd worded that… this was already going terribly.
"Oh… I believe I need to speak to you too…" Heh… gods I'm not ready for this. "Something I should have told you long ago"
"I… I think I may know what you're talking about, Pyrrha" seeing the confusion written across her face, he swallowed down his fear and clarified. "I was… I was awake when you… when you told me that uh… how you felt"
There it was… that look on her face that filled him with pain…
There was confusion, not fully understanding what he was talking about, but then I clicked. It clicked and he watched her eyes light up with such unrivalled joy, not holding anything back as a smile so large it looked like it would split her face in two grew, pearly white teeth and all. This was the Pyrrha only he got to see, yes, even with Ren and Nora there was still this slight veil she put up without probably meaning to. A laugh as sweet as sunshine and an innocent joy that could make most hearts fill with just the same. Her hands laced with his own even as they lay their frozen, bringing them together and shaking ever so slightly with what he imagined was her nerves playing up. Nerves that only ever showed up around him.
Emerald eyes looked at him with love, so much love… before those hands which clasped the icicles his had become tightened and gently pulled them so they fell upon her hips as her head tilted to the side ever so slightly.
Her lips gently rose to his, eyes fluttering closed as a shuddering sigh escaped her lips as they drew close… only to stop as his hands clamped onto her shoulders.
It filled him with pain because of what he had to do.
"Jaune? What's wrong? D-did I do something? What did I do?" that happiness was already gone, replaced by panic and fear as she tried to pull him close even as he moved further away with tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.
"Pyrrha… I'm sorry"
He hadn't thought the atmosphere in the room could make him feel worse, but seeing the confused hurt that crossed Pyrrha's face in the moment, watching her retreat into herself with her poor mind, trying to understand his words… it made his heart thunder against his chest, a painful melody slamming through him as he watched all her confidence and joy get smothered by his words.
"Wha… what do you mean? This is why you told me you knew, right? Right?" There was a sudden desperation in her words, even he could tell she was silently begging that this wasn't what she thought it was… his self-hate in that moment only grew at the look in her eyes.
"I… I don't feel the same way, I wish that I did because you deserve love more than anyone I've ever met, but… I can't" She flinched at his words, recoiling like he'd hit her, landed a blow on her… on the girl who had never had to deal with something like this.
"Y-You don't know that, right? I me-hic-mean you've never even tried to, right?" he heard the panic, the fear rising up her throat as those shaking hands took hold of his once more. "How… how can you just say you can't?"
"I tried… ever since I heard you tell me how you felt, I tried so hard to make myself feel something-anything-for you like how you feel about me… and I couldn't" he winced as Pyrrha dove away from the hand that tried to grasp her arm, letting it fall to his side instead as he watched Pyrrha cling to herself desperately.
This wasn't what he'd wanted, this wasn't the way he'd seen things going. He'd wanted to gather his team together, surprise them and show them that he was alright. Make them all laugh like they more than likely hadn't since he'd gotten himself hurt… then, he'd take Pyrrha aside. He'd tell her how he felt… and how he couldn't return her feelings, then he'd pull her close and tell her how much she meant to him, that he would give her as much time as she needed and be the best friend he could possibly be to her. He always knew she would be upset about what he had to say, he was used to rejections from girls he liked, but he had somehow gotten it into his head that he could make her smile, make her understand and feel happy with at least having him as a friend… how stupid could he have possibly been?
"You're… you're joking right?" she smiled, turning her head to him just enough so he could see those watering eyes of hers, but he could hear the shaking in her voice, see the trembling in her hands. "Jaune… I… I love you… I finally got my courage up; I finally make myself brave enough to tell you how I feel… and you're telling me you won't even try and feel the way I do about you? You won't even give m-me a chance?"
"Pyrrha, it's not like that… I swear to you it isn't"
"Then what is it like, Jaune…? Please… please help me understand why you're not even willing to give us a c-chance?"
She needed his answer, she needed his answer more than anything and yet he was scared to give it… but that wouldn't stop him… whatever happened tonight, he couldn't be afraid anymore…
"I told you… I tried. I tried so hard to feel something for you… but there's nothing there to feel… Pyrrha, you are my teammate, my partner, my very best friend in Beacon and possibly the world… but that's it… it hurts so much to say it, knowing how much it's hurting you, but I don't feel anything like that towards you…" those emerald eyes misted over as a hand clasped over her mouth, a choked sob tearing from her lips yet he didn't look away, even as his soul begged him to and the song tore throughout him at the pain he was inflicting upon her… he couldn't. He wouldn't. "I can't make myself fall in love with you, Pyrrha… even if I could… neither of us want that, right? I know we can't help who we fall in love with… honestly who am I to judge you… but… I hope you can understand… Pyrrha?" he called her name, hoping she was just taking her time to find an answer… he couldn't have been more wrong.
"… Why?" her voice so near silent, but he could hear the edge in it. "Why can you fall for her and not me?"
"Pyrrha… this isn't about Weiss-"
"Of course, it's about Weiss!" she screamed, Jaune seeing tears pour down her face as she turned to him with a fury in her eyes the likes of which he'd never seen before. "How can you fall for someone who has treated you so terribly, someone who put you down any chance she got-gods she wished death upon you!" the room stormed with metal as they glowed black with her Semblance run wild, her emotions a clear wreck and yet still she pressed on… "She wished you dead, Jaune! How!? How can you love someone who wished such a thing upon you!?"
So, she knew… he shouldn't have been surprised, but then again he wished she didn't because he knew that would cause his answer to make her all the angrier.
"I don't know… I honestly don't know… Love isn't something anyone really understands… If I had found out from anyone besides you yourself that you loved me… I wouldn't have believed it for a second, because the idea that someone as amazing as you falling for me just sounds insane to me" she scoffed at his words, Jaune flinching away, not sued to her acting like this. "I tried to pretend I wasn't in love with Weiss, but then I saw her face when I thought I was dying and when I woke up. I saw the pain on her face, I saw the regret, the pain and the self-hatred she felt for herself at what she'd done to me… and I knew she meant it. Then and there I knew I still loved her, Pyrrha… there's nothing I can say to make you feel better but that's the truth"
She hung her head low as he spoke, he watched tears streak down her face and her fists shake at her sides, yet she stayed silent as he did. It was only when he finished that she looked at him again, with cold, sad emerald eyes. Their was no understanding in her eyes, not one bit, she couldn't comprehend why he loved Weiss, he knew that... hell, he'd barely been able to put into words why he loved her up until recently, so how could he really ever expect Pyrrha to understand?
"I have always been kind to you… believed in you… I saw you as a hero long before anyone! I-I Love how you try and make people happy even if it means you aren't. I love how you treat me like I'm not some goddess of victory, just… just me. I love how I can be myself around you, and know you won't judge me, how I can simply enjoy a day watching movies with you and we can have simple fun… no pressure, no expectations just… just a teenage girl who wants to be just that. I love how, despite your lack of actual formal training, you're always trying so hard to get better, to reach the level of your peers. I love how you act silly and goofy when I'm having a rough day to try and cheer me up, not stopping until I'm a giggling mess on the floor! I… I love everything about you… and I try to show it however I can. I'm kind to you as you are to me, I treat you like an equal and not someone beneath me because that is what I see you as, I try and make you smile when you're down and laugh with you when you're happy. I help you in any way I can because I enjoy spending time with you… I've tried to make it clear how I feel about you many times, in any way I can and I thought that if I finally managed to make you realise how I feel towards you and… and that means nothing? Have I not proven I will do anything for you? Have… Have I not proven I'm worthy of your affections?"
"Don't talk like that, Pyrrha… it's not about worthiness, not at all… I wouldn't want you to love me if I expected you to meet some stupid expectations, that's the last thing I want. Especially with how hard your life has been"
Never. He would never want someone to think they had to become 'worthy' to be with him. He wasn't someone that you had to prove your 'worth' to, to make him want to be with them. No one was, in his opinion. He liked people based on their own likes and dislikes, what their personality was to both him and others... just... who they were as a person. It... it was why he loved Weiss and also why he couldn't love Pyrrha.
"… But she does, doesn't she?"
"What?" the question slipped past his words before he could stop himself, his mind already knowing who she meant.
"She does, doesn't she? She meets your expectations. She is somehow worthy of your affections, despite being a cruel, evil little monster who, do I truly have to remind you that she wished you dead… Jaune what can you see in her that I both don't have and have somehow missed?"
He couldn't find an answer for that one, well, he could… but it wouldn't be one that she would ever be able to understand. With Weiss… he saw this sadness inside her that no one else seemed to have on the day he'd met her, a sadness he'd only ever seen in the mirror and it had drawn him to her. It was only later that he realised just what that sadness was… and it only made him feel closer to the Heiress. A girl trying to prove herself to the world that she was worthy of her family's name, that was something he could understand at a deeper level than most. He was a son of the Arc family, some of the greatest warriors throughout history and he'd always had it hung over his head how little he was honouring his ancestors by being as weak as he was, how pathetic the latest son of the Arc clan was, nothing compared to those that had come before.
When he'd first met her, sure, he'd been an idiot, he'd tried to flirt with her in a goofy way and he now realised just how upset that would make her… but as time went on, when he realised she had been the girl in the song he liked to listen to when he was younger and times were hard, when he saw the way she came around to Ruby and watched as the two became such good friends, when he got to see the girl behind the icy walls she put up ever so briefly in times where she couldn't hold back her emotions any longer… he realised he was falling in love with her. The strong, beautiful girl who never let the world control her, never let anyone stand in her way. He knew he idolized her for being able to act the way she did, a part of him wishing he could be just like her someday… then… when he woke up after he was hurt… he got to see the tender side to her. The girl who truly cared for those that earned it, who would risk her own health to make sure they were alright… would stay at their bedside after an accident until they woke up… it had only made him fall in love with her all the more.
He wasn't able to form a reply as he emerged from the fog of thoughts inside his mind quick enough apparently… he found himself pinned to the bed, Pyrrha's agonised face dripping tears down onto his skin. He could have pushed her away, her body felt so weak and her grip was feather light… it would have been so easy…
"Please… I can be anything you want me to be, I'm… I'm the invincible girl! I-I can overcome any obstacle! Jaune… I love you… I love everything about you… what do I need to do? What do I need to do to make you feel the same way about me that you feel about her? Anything… anything at all and I'll do it…" sheer, raw panic was running rampant through her and he knew this was the first time in her life she had ever experienced it. He was really the only opponent she had ever faced that she couldn't find a way to beat… wasn't he?
Her lips pressed to his like she had when he had been lying in that bed, hoping against hope that showing him her love in this final, desperate measure would make him realise how much she could offer to him. She put all of her love and adoration for the first boy she'd ever fallen in love with into it, pushing her body close to try and help that love along. Surely… surely after feeling this, feeling her love, he would understand that she was the one for him… that she loved everything about him and would never hurt him like she had…
When she pulled away, a faint hope lighting in her chest as stared at her with wide eyes and blushing cheeks… only for it to be smothered in ash when he turned his head away with a sad frown…
"I'm sorry, Pyrrha…"
Her heart shattered in that moment, a deep seated pain stabbing through the crushed remains… reducing them to dust blowing away in the wind… it was replaced by a darkness that quickly consumed her, Pyrrha finding herself curling into her body, begging for this terrible pain to go… for that look on his face to go, so full of sympathy and pity… for… for her. She hated that look he gave to her, it was the one and only thing he had ever done that she hated him for doing. Why? Why did he have to reject her? Why… why couldn't he even try to love her… she… she wasn't worthy was she? She was a sad little failure… her first true failure had been in the one thing she had genuinely wanted nothing more than to win. None of her battles had ever made as nervous as to when she looked into those sea blue eyes, nothing made her heart thunder the same way it did when she saw his smile, heard his laughter… and yet now? Now as she looked at him… all she could think of was how much she hated that pitiful look he sent her.
"Leave…" he heard her whisper, his hand reaching out on instinct to try and comfort her- "LEAVE!" She screamed, her voice creaking with the pain as his hand shot back, staring in shock as Pyrrha looked at him with… with actual anger for him in her eyes before her entire body collapsed in on itself, the girl in front of him shaking violently as she sobbed into her hands.
Closing his eyes and breathing out a sigh, he did what she asked… left her alone… alone and in pain as she cried out her torment and loneliness… loneliness he had caused. She sobbed into her hands, a morose scream stabbing the air the was cut short by a choked sob, that was the last thing he heard before he left the room… left his friend alone like she asked… even as the song tore at him, screamed at him to go back to her, he knew all that would do would cause her even more pain than he already had.
He slumped against the wall, feeling claws digging into his chest as tears sprung forth from his eyes, he'd known he had to do it. He'd known deep down how upset she would be… yet he kept silently screaming at himself, demanding to know why he'd hurt her, why he'd done this terrible thing to his kind and loving partner and f-… heh… she probably wasn't that anymore, was she? Who would want to be friends with the person who'd just torn their heart out and crushed it in front of them? He didn't deserve it… he didn't deserve the love she'd offered to him. He didn't deserve anything! He didn't deserve to gods damn-
"Jaune?"
He snapped his eyes open, seeing the concerned turquoise eyes of Nora and the, for once, openly shocked face of Ren… his friends... his dear friends...
All he could do was wipe away his tears and let out a tired smile as Nora tenderly embraced him, shaking as she pulled him close, feeling Ren's own arms wrap around the both of them as Jaune smiled at them both, even if it didn't meet his eyes.
He felt Nora begin to cry against his chest, her mess of ginger hair shaking like a leaf as those usually crushing arms of hers held him ever so tenderly. He watched as Ren's eyes misted over yet he didn't raise his Semblance, instead he gave him a smile that told him all he needed to know about how happy he was to see him… their love for him was made all the more clear in this moment, their love for their leader, their friend and no doubt the brother Nora was insistent he was to them…
"You're okay… Y-You're okay…" she hiccupped, her emotions getting the better of her as Ren gently massaged her back.
"It's good to see you, Jaune… we were so worried about you"
He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of this…
The wail of Pyrrha from inside their room proved this to him. Ren and Nora jerked away at the sound, looking at the door and then to him in time to see the light leave his eyes and that smile turned all the more fragile…
"Jaune… what… what did you-"
"She told me how she felt. She told me how she felt and I… I did the same…"
"What…? But… w-why?" Nora questioned, a look of shock on her face as her eyed turned to the door.
"I had to… I had to tell her, Nora… I don't love her; do you honestly expect me to lie to her?"
"No Jaune, that would never have been the right thing to do, sometimes it is best to simply tell people the truth… even if it hurts them" Ren told him, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, though Nora didn't seem to agree.
"Ren! How can you just say that? Pyrrha and Jaune are in pain and you're telling me this is the best thing to do?" he heard the naked anger in her voice, the accusation hidden under those words making his eyes widen in worry, scared for what might be coming.
"Nora. Some people just aren't meant to be. Others make mistakes and aren't honest with their feelings, dragging others along and only hurting all parties involved in the process when it could have easily been solved with an honest answer"
No… no, not again, oh gods no he couldn't be the cause for more pain no… not again.
"Oh, so is that what you think, huh? Is that what you're really saying Re-"
"Guys!" he yelled, stopping them in their tracks as his chest heaved, Jaune pulling his hand away to find it bloody. He'd been gripping his chest so hard he'd made it bleed, digging a finger into one of the tender scars. "Please… please not like this… you two are just becoming friends again, please don't do this yourselves. Please don't let me be the reason behind more hurt"
They stopped, their faces showing shock before realisation hit and the two of them looked away in shame.
"Please… go and look after her, I… I need to do something important, okay?"
"Jaune… we can't just leave you, not after this and definitely not right now" Ren tried to tell him but he smiled at him with a knowing look.
"She needs you more than I do right now, please you two… do this for me, okay?" he asked-no begged them… and they agreed if their faint smiles were anything to go off of. Nora hugged him close, a ghost of a sigh leaving her lips as she looked at him with a serious look in her eyes for once.
"We love you, Jaune… we will be here for you, for both of you, I want you to know that okay?"
He hugged her back, feeling the tiniest amount of happiness in the sea of pain he was drowning in. "I know, Nora… thank you"
With that, she gave him one last little squeeze and made her way inside, Ren moving in to hug him as well, only to jolt in surprise when Jaune held him hard as steel. A growl leaving his throat when Ren tried to pull away in shock.
"Tell her, Ren. You tell her tonight or I swear upon both of the Brother gods I. Will. This is the one and only order I will give you as a leader outside of battle that I will make you follow… don't be like me… don't end up hurting Nora like I did Pyrrha, don't let this opportunity you have for true happiness slip by" he gripped him close, a finality in his voice as his piercing blue eyes that held the storm stared into wide eyed pink. With a nod so small only Jaune would have seen it, Ren hugged him close.
"I…"
"Don't. Just… go look after Pyrrha and then… then, when you can, talk to Nora. I know you love her, Ren… you look at her the same way I look at Weiss, the same way Pyrrha… the way she looked at me"
He watched with eyes far too old for his age as Ren wordlessly stood and walked into the room, smiling solemnly at him as he went. Jaune hauled himself to his feet with a tired sigh and began to walk away down the hall, unable to take the cries of his partner any longer…
For a long while, Jaune simply stared at the way in front of him, his mind a storm of emotions that were consuming him… he'd held it together for Ren and Nora, he'd held it together to try and help them while he'd been already causing them pain once more… yet he didn't cry, it was almost as if his body had none more to give… it was just too tired.
Then… then a light began to shine from his pocket, he pulled his scroll out to find the face of Weiss appearing on the screen… Miss Goodwitch must have put all his old contacts into there. Funny, he would have imagined Weiss would have deleted his contact from her Scroll the second she realised Ruby had installed him and his teams numbers in all of her own teams' Scrolls… and yet there it was, her stern looking face blinking as it waited for his answer to her call. He found himself smiling despite himself, that self-hate also making an appearance at the way his heart skipped a beat when he answered and saw her happy smile directed at him.
"Hello, Jaune, how are you-… Jaune?" her face went from joy to annoyance in a nano-second and he found himself internally laughing even as he externally froze at the quirked eyebrow and frown combo she was shooting his way… he hated how much joy he took in seeing her look at him in anything other than hatred and disgust.
I can't be sad… not in front of her, she needs to smile right now, after all she's been through… he could already hear Velvet and Coco berating him for doing this, but was it bad for him to want to just see her smile? See her happy?
"Y-Yeah, Weiss?" he answered, enjoying the way she had to force down a smile at his nervousness.
"Why are you out of your bed?" Oh… well… there was the Ice queen. He hated the idea of lying to her, so he didn't… he also didn't tell her the full truth though…
"I… I needed to talk to someone… it's sorted now" And just like that… her annoyance disappeared, naked concern running across her features as she brought the Scroll closer to her face.
"Jaune? Are you alright? We're on our way back to Beacon right now, okay? What happened?"
"Nothing, Weiss" he smiled, it was obvious she didn't believe him but she smiled all the same. "I'm fine, I uh, just needed a shirt and was about to put it on, heh, can't be walking around Beacon topless now can I?"
He could have sworn she was about to blush when the roar of Yang caused her Scroll to jerk away from her and land on the furious expression of Yang, a sad looking Blake pulling her knees up to her chest. It was obvious to two were arguing and Ruby, who darted between them, was trying to play mediator. He smiled sadly at Weiss, she gave him an apologetic look and sighed, walking down the Bullhead to be away from the shouting.
"I'm sorry… We found Blake but things are a little tense at the moment, as I'm sure you can imagine"
"Don't worry… honestly, Weiss, I'm just proud of you, you don't have anything to apologise to me for. The fact you're giving her a chance proves how good a person you are, I hope you know that" he chuckled at the embarrassed flush that came over her face, her muttering that he was an idiot with as much heat as an ice cube. "Anyway… I… I have something I need to do. I made a decision tonight and promise you, things will get better"
"Oh!... alright… would it be too much to ask that we talk later? I have some rather incredible news to share with you" a smile he might have called shy if it was anyone other than Weiss, grew across her face, a hope in her eyes that he would say yes.
"Of course, I swear I'll come to see you all as soon as I can, I give my word and lemme tell you… my families word is kind of a big deal to us, heh" he laughed, rubbing the back of his head even as Weiss rolled her eyes despite having an equally happy smile.
"Then I shall hold you to it, Jaune. I need to go now, I have yet to charge my scroll and the battery is getting low, but I promise we'll be there as soon as we can"
"I get ya, no worries, Weiss" with that, the Scroll call disconnected, Jaune smiling to himself once more as he set to start his plan. He had come to realise as he walked out of their room that it was really the only thing he could do in this situation. He didn't want to ever make people sad again, so instead he would make them smile, instead he would take away their pain tonight and after it he would simply never hurt anyone ever again. He swore it to himself.
A more logical mind might have called him nuts for thinking he could stop himself hurting anyone ever again… but he would manage it, he was an Arc after all, they're kinda known for doing the impossible.
JourneysEnd1
… I hate you… I fucking hate you, you evil bastard.
Elderfire1
I… don't blame you…
JourneysEnd1
YOU MADE PYRRHA CRY!
Elderfire1
I'm sorry!... hah… this was not fun to write, but it needed to be done. Forgive me!
*We have stated in Pink Lemonade that we believe Jaune's parents would not have been able to hide their aura and semblances from him and so they instead convinced him that they had magic.