A/N - I'll admit: this chapter is a bit confusing. It's written to be disorienting and a bit all over the place. As I said in the first few chapters: grief is disorienting. It doesn't happen in order. And it's tough sometimes to see things clearly. Each slanted line acts as a cut between scenes, so hopefully it makes enough sense!

Also had to chop this one in half, as it was too long. Next chapter is one of my favourites! Lots of EA healing.

Enjoy!

The darkness.

He could remember it like it was yesterday. Running across the frozen waters, blinded by the storm that had formed out of nowhere. He'd left his own companion behind to get to her. Risked everything just to see her one last time. He knew in his gut it was probably too late to save her. He wouldn't get there in time. But he wanted to tell her one thing. He wanted to hug her. Thank her. Kiss her. Just once. Just one time before she had to go.

He would've, if she hadn't turned away. He couldn't believe it. His stomach dropped too far to be recovered; his heart stopped beating. She ran away from him. How could she?

For Elsa. Of course. So many lives were on the line. He should've known. He wasn't the hero. Anna was.

She'd argued with him after the fact, in the following days. Told him that she'd only made it because he gave her a boost. He made her feel seen; heard. He treated her like a person, not a princess. He was her hero. And that was all that mattered.

The sweetness.

She loved krumkake. It was her favourite treat; traditional in Norway. They used to go to the bakery together and get way more than just the two of them could eat. They'd usually ended up sharing with people they passed in the streets. She'd get chocolate ones, with strawberry filling and a little cream on top. She had prepared to take a bite when he hit her hand, causing her to knock the treat into her own face. She shrieked his name as the cream coated her nose and upper lip. They both laughed. She'd scolded him about almost getting it on her bodice, but that didn't ease his belly-laughter.

In retaliation, she'd sacrificed the rest of the treat to the side of his face. She'd had to leap a little to reach, which added more momentum, and they stumbled to the side together amidst their laughter. Surely, on goers were staring and laughing alongside them. It was contagious.

Life was full of ups and downs.

The sadness.

She missed her parents. She'd wished she'd had real closure. It was a grief that hit her at the weirdest times; when she least expected it. She'd be going about her day and something would remind her of one of them, and she'd be hit with this pain and loss. It took the wind out of her. She'd wish she could hug them again.

Kristoff didn't understand on a personal level, but he was a great listener nonetheless. He offered all the aid and support he could manage. He held her whilst she cried. Reminded her that she was loved; that they were okay, wherever they were. It brought her some peace.

The weakness.

They'd been grieving together for a few weeks now. It wasn't just Elsa's death that was harming them. It was the destruction of their home. The bruises in their own relationship with each other. They felt weak; broken. They'd struggled to work through it. The amount of times they'd had hallow, empty sex within the past week alone was enough to make them feel shame. The guilt they had for using each other was overwhelming. How could they get like this?

They didn't hate each other. Although they were disconnected, it was personal to themselves individually. Together, they were fine. Their difficulties connecting stemmed from within themselves. They still craved each other's innocent affection; they'd lie together for hours in companionship, without any words to say.

Give me a lullaby.

Kristoff didn't sing much around others. He used to sing to amuse himself on his own terms, but hadn't performed until he met Anna. They'd learned lullabies together. They'd sing quietly, as it brought them comfort. Helped them to bond more. It was intimate for them. Pleasant. When she was down, he'd sing for her. He'd sing her a lullaby, gently stroking the bridge of her nose. It became a healing process for her. It helped her to breathe.

Give me a kiss goodnight.

He'd watch her until she slept. He'd wait until she was passed out before closing his own eyes. She'd been known for her nightmares. Even when they first started dating; first started sharing a bed, her traumas had already built up. She'd often dreamt about losing Elsa; what would have happened if she'd been a second too late. She'd picture her being decapitated. She'd wake up screaming. It took a long time before she'd finally found the courage to tell Kristoff the details.

She'd dreamt of her parents' demise. Of her own demise. Of the many what ifs. She was too empathetic. It was a fault. She was unable to not put herself in someone else's shoes. The pain she felt through other people was nearly deadly for her. She couldn't process it sometimes.

She felt safer next to him. She knew he'd keep her safe. He'd take her nightmares and guide her through.

Angel sweet love of my life.

She adored him. She loved him more than absolutely anyone. It was an undoubted love. It took them a while to get close; they were friends before they were anything else. They were opposites in many ways, but had a connection to their cores. She was his person; the love of his life. His first and best friend. The thought of marrying his best friend made him smile like a little kid. That's my best friend.

The first three years of their love was unconditional. They had insecurities; some mutual, some individual, but they never failed to talk about them. They were learning. Neither of them really had much experience with people. They'd never really had a real friend before. It caused conflicts. They worked through each problem as best they could.

They loved spending time together. Playing games. Teasing. Chasing each other. They adventured more than once. Kristoff knew all the good locations. They'd disappear for hours, at first. As they got closer, they'd leave for days. Then weeks. The longest they were gone was just under two months. They'd only returned because they desperately needed real food. They felt secure in their bedroom; the room she'd grown up in that was newly decorated for a grown couple. He had his own storage; his own space. His own desk and wardrobe. His own blankets and pillows to decorate the bed they'd conceive their children in.

She couldn't believe she was his. He was hers. He couldn't believe he was hers. She was his.

This love they could've never imagined. This friendship that those little, lonely children had longed for.

There was a conflict. A human conflict. Someone who stole attention. Someone who stole the spotlight. It was unfair for Anna to blame this other person; and Kristoff had never even thought about it. It wasn't Elsa's fault that they had conflicts in their romance that she wasn't a part of. But Anna seemed to forget that. She needed someone to blame, and Elsa was convenient. The only one left to blame.

It hurt him. He loved Elsa. Not in the same way; not as powerfully, but he cared for her. He understood why she was the way that she was. He saw the good in her. Enjoyed spending time with her. Was empathetic, and understanding of her desire to be alone. He'd known her as long as Anna had, really. Met her only a few days later. He didn't know her as personally, of course. But he knew enough of her.

Anna had become unforgiving. She was stuck in a loop. Her mental health had been so badly damaged by all of this. He was beginning to seriously fear for her wellbeing. She wouldn't listen to him. She was falling hard from grace, pacing back and forth, pulling at her hair when she got too overwhelmed. She was talking at such a rapid pace; she didn't sound like herself. Something in her mind was broken. She'd endured too much.

He watched her helplessly, barely registering the words she was uttering. His heart physically ached. The woman he'd fallen in love with was gone. He didn't know if she'd ever come back. This person in her place was broken. He didn't know if she'd ever be fixed. He didn't know what to do. How could they fix this?

None of this was normal. The circumstances were extreme. There was no guide book. There was nothing Elsa, or anyone for that matter, could do. Right?

"Can you tell me what you need?"

She didn't answer. She wasn't hearing him. She couldn't stop. Her mind was going a thousand kilometres a minute. She couldn't process her own thoughts. It was as if her brain was trying to work through every pain; every trauma she'd ever faced. Isolation. Neglect. Lies. Secrets. Loss. Danger. Death.

She needed answers. Explanations. She needed to know why. She needed to have every detail. But that wouldn't work. She wouldn't believe the words that were said to her. She would doubt everything. She couldn't trust anymore. She didn't want to be around anybody. She couldn't risk being hurt again. She wanted to flee; to hide. To cut contact with everybody. To disappear entirely. Maybe she'd fall ill; get lost. Maybe she'd freeze. Starve. Get kidnapped. Get eaten. Maybe she'd—

She stopped, catching a scream in her throat, physically wrapping her hands around her neck. Kristoff noticed, sitting up, alert. She stared blankly, coming to her senses. She got a feel for her surroundings. They were home. She was in her bedroom. Her new bedroom. She wasn't outside anymore. She wasn't crying anymore. She looked over at her lover, who stared at her with concern. Her expression softened; voice barely a whisper. "Have I gone mad?"

He gave her a look empathy, stood, and walked over to her. He grabbed her hands and gave them a squeeze, kissing her forehead. "Of course not." He believed in her more than anyone. He knew she'd get through this. Even if his heart was aching; even if a voice was telling him she was gone. He wasn't ready to give up. "Come sit with me, okay?"

She nodded as he led her to their bed, sitting next to each other. He adjusted so he was facing her a bit more; he didn't release her hands. "I'm here. Just tell me what you need. Tell me what I can do for you."

She stared blankly, lost in thought. She had no idea what she needed. A redo. She needed to go back to their original journey and force Elsa to not go. She needed the entire thing to have never happened. But that was impossible. It did happen. She went. She died. And now they're here. She looked at her with a look of loss in her eyes. "I have no idea."

He looked at her for a moment before asking; "may I hug you?" When she nodded, he pulled her into a mutually needed embrace. They sat there for a while.

Elsa stayed at the river with Eira. She couldn't find the courage to follow. She needed to process. She would've rathered to be alone, but Eira didn't think that was a good idea. The three of them sat together in silence. Elsa had no words. She understood. She knew exactly what she'd done. But it spiralled out of her control. It was no longer about the decisions she made. It wasn't about what happened to her. It was the consequences. The things that happened after. The things she couldn't control. Because of that, she felt helpless. No apology could work. She couldn't prove herself. There was nothing she could do or say. Anna would never trust her again.

Anna. Her favourite person. Her best friend; her other half. How could this happen?

She felt sick to her stomach. She was focusing on her breathing, desperate to not get physically ill. She knew it wasn't all her fault. She couldn't blame herself for everything. She knew it was just the final straw. Too many things had attacked Anna throughout her life; things that were never properly dealt with. If anything, she felt empathy for her.

Elsa knew pain. She knew loneliness. She knew fear. She hated that she'd played a part in Anna's suffering. She hated that Anna saw a version of her that she wasn't.

Elsa wasn't selfish. She wasn't socially inept. She was an introvert. She was learning, just the same as everyone else. But Anna didn't see that anymore. She didn't see shyness. She saw narcissism. She saw betrayal. A lack of care and love.

It was something that Elsa understood. She knew why, even if it hurt her. She had good intentions, but the intent didn't matter. It didn't matter what she was trying to do; what she thought was right or acceptable. She caused pain and suffering. She had to deal with it.

But how? She wanted to take it back. She wanted to go back to before they left for their journey. She'd wished now that they'd never gone. It wasn't worth it. She wanted a redo.

That wasn't possible.

She sighed, holding her head in her hands. She was exhausted. She missed home—she couldn't process that home was gone. She couldn't return to her bedroom; her safe space. It wasn't there anymore. It made her feel unsafe; uneased. Her anxiety was becoming increasingly more difficult to control. She felt like she'd fallen right back to where she was seven years ago. She was lost in the world. Just when she thought she'd figured it out.

"We can walk you home," Eira offered, breaking the silence. Astrid was playing with stones she'd found by the riverbank.

Elsa shook her head. "That's all right. Thank you."

"I can walk you home," the child chimed in, perking up with a smile. "I wanna say goodbye to Anna and the boy before we go home."

Even if she'd said no, she knew they'd probably follow anyway. They all seemed to be heading in the same direction. She then nodded. "Okay."

Eira smiled warmly then stood, soon helping the younger woman to her feet. "Come on. Chin up, remember."

Elsa forced a slightly bitter smile, then started off, crossing her arms over her stomach as she walked. The duo followed. She felt empty. She'd never not had Anna by her side in some way. When she craved independence, she wasn't afraid because she knew Anna was always right there. If she felt homesick, she could simply go home.

That wasn't an option now. What if she wasn't welcome? What if there was no room for her? She squeezed her grip around her body, shivering slightly. She hated uncertainty. This was going to be incredibly difficult.

A/N - I'm really happy with this story ;-; Thank you for your patience! I hope it's as entertaining to read as it is to write :)

Review replies:

Wolf heart 22 - Glad we're on the same page! I wish Anna had spoken up for herself. Hopefully her voice is being heard now! And, good question! I'd honestly completely forgotten about Olaf, as he's easily my least favourite character from the franchise, but I'll definitely have to incoporate him into the story somehow! Thanks for that reminder! And, thank you for your support!

kvte - I'm glad it caused some feelings, though hopefully the overall story is enjoyable for you! Thanks for reading!

BadEnglishSpeaker - Thank you so much! I've said it before, but: communication is really important to me, and I think EA would have easily half as many problems if they'd talk and listen to each other! I'm looking forward to sharing their upcoming conversations next chapter. Thank you for your support!

elenasmcanonico - I'm glad! And, I agree. Things must get worse before they can get better. I think it's important for Elsa to acknowledge, accept, and apologise, and for Anna to speak, listen, and learn. Mending their relationship is satisfying for me, as it wasn't really taken care of on screen. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter! It's one of my favourites, too! Thank you for your continued support!

imsabbel - Yes, I did delete the guest reviews, and will continue to do so. This is not the place for negativity. As I said before: you don't have to read my stories! Writing is a form of therapy for many people, so please be careful with what you say. I know of many writers who write to deal with their own emotions! Would it make you feel better about yourself to make someone else feel miserable? Be more considerate! xx

I hate to admit it as I hate to feed the trolls, but a few guest reviews last chapter were incredibly hurtful and personal, so receiving your positive feedback really means a lot to me and keeps me motivated! Thank you so much for your kind words. It truly warms my heart. xx

And yes, I will continue to delete irrelevent guest reviews, and have decided to start blocking people who wish to be cruel. There is so much hate in the world right now, people. Be kind! It doesn't hurt to be kind! I give all my love to you. I hope you're all doing well xx