"Haruki, are you sure there's nothing else you need?" Kenta asks as I slide my shoes on. Today's the day of my move on campus. With me I have a duffle bag, my backpack and plastic bag with a few other bits and pieces.
"Yeah, the school is providing bedroom furniture, bedding and towels. We only missed out on that if we wanted to bring our own stuff," I say. I swing the back pack over my shoulders and pick up my other bags. He walks over and hugs me goodbye
"Okay then. Goodbye. Let me know if you need anything," he says in my ear.
"Thanks, Kenta. See ya!" I say. I step out the apartment. There's a taxi provided by the school waiting for me.
I arrive at school at haul my stuff in. I run into Mina on the way in. She waves at me.
"Haruki-chan! You're moving into the dorms!?" She asks excitedly. I nodded.
"Sure am. It's going to be fun living with everyone!" I say. I wave as I walk passed her and make my way to my assigned room upstairs. I find it and clumsily push open my door. Once I'm in I open my mouth in shock.
They'd said simple bedroom furniture would be provided but this was more than I expected. In here there was a desk, chair, bookcase, bed and bedside table. All of this was mine while I was here. In the group homes I'd previously lived in I never had quality furniture like this. Hell, there had been times in short term housing I'd stayed in where I didn't even have a bed. I'd never had my own desk or bookcase before. When I think about, when even was the last time I had my own bedroom?
I unpack my bags and go back downstairs. No one else was here for the moment. I look around. It has a huge beautiful kitchen. There's also an attached living area with are several couches and chairs. I guess this is what it means to go to an elite school. Everything looks expensive.
I hear someone enter. I look to the entrance and see Bakugo. I feel a mixture of emotions rush over me. He's carrying several cases of luggage. I begin to approach him but he scowls when he sees me move towards him. It deters me briefly. I'm conscious of the fact that he's been ignoring me.
"What the hell is your problem?" He asks studying my anxious expression. I push my doubts out of mind and move over to him. I put on a false smile.
"Nothing... just surprised to see you. I didn't think Mitsuki-san would let you move in," I tease.
"Don't call her by her first name, it's fucking weird," he growls, pulling along his bags. I grin.
"She told me to call her that though," I say. I lean forward, taking one of his bags. He swears at me, clumsily trying to grab it back while balancing his other stuff.
"Give that back, bitch," he growls. I laugh, skipping backwards from his reach.
"Chill dude, I'm helping," I say. He scowls and storms towards the lifts on the left side of the building. I follow him.
Once we're in the lift I catch him side eyeing me. His eyes glance at the red scar that branded my neck. I run my hand across it.
"Are you looking at my neck? It did scar unfortunately. But what hero doesn't have scars?" I say. I hear him 'tch' as he looks away.
We exit the lift. I follow him to his room. He unlocks the door and we enter. He doesn't bother closing the door behind him. The interior looks different to mine. There's more stuff. Evidently Bakugo had bought some of his own furniture and belongings from home. I place the bag I was carrying on the ground and walk over to his bookcase, looking at the different figurines that he'd already laid out.
"Oi if you're gonna be in here take off your damn shoes," he growls.
"Sure, dude." I say and kick off my shoes near his door.
Bakugo tolerated me hanging around in his room as he began unpacking. He wasn't immediately shutting me out which gave me some relief. I lay down on his bed and pull out my phone. We don't really talk but I catch him looking at me a few times. I smile to myself. I guess he doesn't hate me after all. Who'd of thought a few months ago that Bakugo Katsuki would be my friend?
We hear a knock at the doorway. I look up to see Kirishima standing in the doorway with his signature toothy grin.
"Hey Bakugo-kun, Haruki-chan, it's good to see you guys. All healed up okay?" He asks. I sit up cross legged on the bed.
"Ah yeah. My necks scarred but my wrists healed up fine," I say holding out my arms. He starts to step over to me.
"Take your fucking shoes off, shitty hair," Bakugo growls. Kirishima does as instructed before sitting next to me on Bakugo's bed. He scoots back, leaning against the wall.
"So have you already unpacked, Haruki-chan?" Kirishima asks. I move back sitting next to him.
"Yeah, I don't have much stuff. Super easy to unpack," I say. Giving him a goofy thumbs up.
We chat for a bit as Bakugo unpacks. I look over at him from time to time. We were both conscious that he was quieter than usual.
Kaminari arrives at the door. He looks in at the three of us.
"Yo, Aizawa-sensei wants us to come out to the front in 5 minutes. Sounds like he wants to address the whole group," he says, leaning against the doorway.
"Thanks Kaminari-kun," I say. I stand up and stretch. Bakugo, whose crouched near his dresser looks up at me.
"I'll see you guys out there," I say, flashing the boys a smile. Bakugo looks down. Kirishima waves me out.
I arrive out the front of the building. Most of the class is already there including Aizawa. I stand next to Mina. It's not long before Kirishima, Kaminari and Bakugo step out as well. They stand nearby me. Aizawa claps to get out attention.
"Now then there's something I want to address. Todoroki-kun, Kirishima-kun, Midoroya-kun, Iida-kun and Yaoyorozu-chan, you all had proceeded to the site of Bakugo-kun and Nakashima-chan's rescue," Aizawa says. He watches carefully for our reactions. As I think back to that night, my chest tightens. I wrap my arms around myself. Mina sees and extends an arm around my back. She smiles gently.
"Judging from your reactions this hasn't come as a surprise for you. Please know this, if it wasn't due to All Might's sudden retirement all of you except Jirou-chan, Hagakure-chan, Bakugo-kun and Nakashima-chan would be expelled. You all betrayed our trust. For now on, please follow proper procedures," he says flatly. Everyone looks despondent. If only I'd been more careful... a better fighter... this could have been avoided.
"Now with that, lets head in with smiles on our faces and lots of energy," Aizawa says. I don't think anyone could bring themselves to smile though. The atmosphere is tense.
"C'mere," Bakugo growls at Kaminari. He drags him away behind a bush. I'm not sure what happened but the next thing I see is a large release of electricity. Kaminari comes out fried much to everyone's amusement. He goofily plodded about. Mina leaves to check on him, laughing as she does. I see Bakugo hand some money to Kirishima. Something about owing him for some night vision goggles he'd bought for our rescue. Suddenly around us people are smiling again. In the meantime though I feel myself become more and more despaired.
Bakugo's amazing. He's lifting everyone's mood while I'm stuck here sulking. I want to contribute to lifting the mood but I don't think it's something I can handle at the moment. I stagger my way inside. My classmates are trickling in to finish unpacking. I briefly consider finding Mina to hang out but after Aizawa's lecture I think I'd rather be by myself. I don't think I need the attention right now.
I make my way to my room. I enter and close the door behind myself and flop onto my bed. At least by being in here I won't bring down anyone else's mood. I close my eyes, maybe I should sleep. I let myself relax into my mattress. I breath deeply, trying to calm myself.
A few hours later I awake to a knock on my door. I groggily get up and walk over to open it. At the door is Mina. She smiles at me. In hand she has a small plate of barbecued pork and a bowl of rice.
"I saw you weren't feeling good before Haruki-chan. I thought you might want something to eat though," she says, handing me the food.
"Ah, thank you Mina-chan. I appreciate it," I say. She stares at me briefly.
"Don't bottle things up, okay? Talk to someone if you need to get anything off your chest," she says. I smile softly. Mina is an incredible person.
"Thank you," I say. She grins.
"It doesn't have to be me. Maybe talk to Bakugo-kun. I know you guys get along well," she says. I nod.
"I'll consider that," I say. She says goodbye. I take the food she's given to me to my desk, eating alone. I feel moisture on my cheeks. Am I crying? I hadn't even realised.
Too much has happened recently. The death of Natsuki Rin, the kidnapping by the league of villains, the confrontation of Dabi and the retirement of All Might. All these things are weighing down on me. Sometimes I can push it out of mind. I can compartmentalise it. But when forced to confront the consequences of these events I can feel the weight of it crushing me.
—
After having slept since the afternoon the day before I wake up early the next morning. I check my phone. It's only 5:06. Class doesn't start for some time.
I roll out of bed. I throw a hoodie over the top of my pyjamas T-shirt and slip on some socks. With the dishes from the night before in hand, I head down to the kitchen. I could use a coffee.
I start the kettle. As I wait for it to boil I fish through the cabinets for mugs.
"Where the fuck are they," I mutter. The kettle switches off. I check the last cupboard and found the mugs. As I pull one down I hear the boys lift open. Bakugo steps out. He's in his exercise gear.
"Mornin' Bakugo-kun," I say yawning. He looks at me briefly. He opens his mouth as if he's about to say something but ultimately stays quiet. Finally he walks past the kitchen straight out the door. That was weird. What's his problem? Ever since we were rescued I haven't been able to tell if he likes or hates me. He's honestly not acting like himself.
I make my coffee and sit down at one of the dining tables. I browse the news on my phone as I drink it. There's still a lot of coverage on All Mights retirement, even the odd article on me and Bakugo. Luckily they didn't really say that much. The school had protected us from a lot of the press. It'll die down eventually.
I touch the scar on my neck. It's a time I'd rather forget but it's left it's mark on me physically and mentally. I wonder if Bakugo feels the same? He has been impossible to communicate with so I haven't had a chance to properly check in with him.
I finish my coffee. I wash out my mug and dishes from the night before and head back up to my room.
—
The morning classes go without much event. I kept to myself mostly. I sit with Iida, Midoriya and Uraraka at lunch. I watched Iida excitedly retell his brothers rehabilitation. Midoriya and Uraraka listen attentively. Although I had things weighing on my mind and was rarely contributing to the conversation I was happy to be back sitting with them. They offered a place of solace.
I did catch Midoriya glancing my way on several occasions. He looked at me with concern.
After lunch he approached me on the way to our hero class.
"Nakashima-chan, is everything okay? You've been acting distant," Midoriya asks me quietly, out of earshot of the rest of my class. My face drops momentarily but I try to not let him see.
"Yeah I'm fine. Thank you for checking," I say. He looks at me doubtfully.
"Okay," he replies. We arrive at the classroom and take our seats. Aizawa enters the room accompanied by Cementos, Midnight and Ectoplasm.
"Ah. So we will be working towards you getting your provisional hero licenses," Aizawa explained. The class buzzed with excitement. With a provisional hero license we'd have permission to intervene in emergencies. It's a qualification that carries a lot of responsibility.
"That is why we're having each of you come up with your own special moves," he explains. The class buzzes with excitement.
I frown. Special moves, huh? What kind of move would there be for someone like me?
We get head down to change into our hero costumes. I listen to the girls chat excitedly. I pull on my gloves. I muster a small smile, reminiscing of my time with Shroud. I follow the other girls out to the training area. Cementos walks to the front.
"Special moves are actions that will ensure your victory. Typically they'll be moves deeply ingrained in your quirk and abilities. The exam will put you through experiences to test these types of abilities," Cementos explains.
"They don't always have to be offensive. For example Iida-kuns Recipro Burst could be considered one," Ectoplasm further expands on this. Iida stood with his chest puffed out proudly.
The class gets pumped for the activities. I frown. What could my quirk achieve that could be considered special? I guess there's my total fear but that's not useful in a group fight. Nor is my newly developed total Might ability.
We split up each with one of Ectoplasms clones. I watch my classmates start formulating their moves. Bakugo releases a huge explosion above. He's going all out.
"Not sure where to start, Nakashima-chan?" The clone asks. I nod.
"I'm not really sure what I can do," I admit.
"Let's work on your agility for now then," he suggests. We engage in hand to hand combat but I feel sluggish.
After sometime I see All Might enter the gym. I stand still watching him talk to Aizawa. I see him look in my direction.
"Stay focussed, Nakashima-chan." The clone says.
"Yes. Sorry," I say. I launch myself at him. He dodges easily. All Might makes his rounds with the students. Eventually he gets to me.
"Nakashima-chan... do you have a few moments?" he asks. I land on my feet and nod.
"You seem slow and distracted. Is there something on your mind," he asks. I look up his skeletal form. I still find it disturbing.
"No. Just can't quite get in the groove today," I say, averting my gaze.
"Your agility is a great asset of yours. I think if you keep it up you'll find a way to use it in a special move," he says. I muster a smile.
"Thanks All Might," I say. As he moves on I frown.
The class was a good workout but I ultimately find it unproductive. At the end of class I gather with the class. Aizawa and the other teachers stand at the front.
"Nakashima-chan, you were distracted today. Make sure you work harder tomorrow," Aizawa says. He looks unimpressed with me. I guess I can't blame him. I feel the eyes of my classmates on me.
"Yes, sensei." I say gritting my teeth. I feel myself flush after having been called out in front of the class like that.
"Everyone else, good job. That's all for today." Aizawa says. He dismisses us from the gym.
We leave the training area. I shove my hands in my pocket, brooding over the criticism from Aizawa. He was right though. I need to stay focused. I can't ever let something like Kamino ever happen again. Kirishima and Bakugo catch up to my side. I smile at them but I can see Bakugo looks pissed off about something.
"You need to get your shit together, seaweed head," Bakugo growled. I stare at the explosive teenager. I laugh nervously.
"Not you too, Bakugo-kun. Aizawa-sensei said enough didn't he?" I reply, rubbing the back of my neck.
"Apparently not, you're acting like a weak bitch," he says. I don't let my face drop but if I'm being honest with myself his words stung. I feel myself falter momentarily.
"Hey dude, that's kind of harsh," Kirishima says. I take a deep breath.
"Whatever you say. Catch you guys later," I say. I start walking away. I hear Kirishima argue with Bakugo but I don't particularly care to listen. I don't head back to the dorms straight away. Instead I wander around the school grounds.
Why does Bakugo have to be like that? I thought we'd been getting along well recently but he sure knows how to hit where it hurts. I ball my fists. To be fair, I don't blame him for thinking so lowly of me. I was baggage during our kidnapping. I was a liability. By himself he would have stood a much better chance of escaping earlier. I can't really be angry at him for speaking to me like that.
I find myself at a running track. It extends around the exterior of the attached forest. My body is already sore from training with Ectoplasm but I take a deep breath and start jogging. Bakugo is not wrong. I need to get my shit together. This 'weak bitch' has to start somewhere right?
I run until the sun starts to set. I stop when I begin to feel light headed. I lean forward, catching my breath. My limbs shake with fatigue. I wipe the sweat from my forehead. This was hard work but I'll need more than this to mean something as a hero.
In middle school I used to think I could do anything with a bit of hard work. I disregarded the doubts of those around me. Sure I was some ratty child of the state but I swore to myself that I'd show them how far I'd get on my own. I'd be better than all of them and I'd work hard to be the best.
However here at UA I quickly realised that in reality there's only so far hard work could get me. In a class of kids where not only me but everyone is working hard some are bound to fall by the wayside. At this point it largely comes down to natural aptitude. I think back to Midoriya's fight with the muscle villain. Those with great quirks like him do well. Those who don't fail. To keep up in this environment of the gifted I need to work twice as hard.
I had gotten too confident. It was my lack of hard work that led to me and Bakugo being captured. Had I been a little more agile, a little bit stronger Dabi wouldn't have grabbed us. Had I been a better fighter Bakugo wouldn't have been captured and wouldn't have had to carry the burden of defending us on his own. I wouldn't have needed to be protected.
I try to push these thoughts out of mind as I stand up straight. I'm heading back to the dorms. Like Bakugo said, I need to get my shit together. Perhaps I can start with a good nights rest.
I arrive back at the dorms. As I stumble up the stairs out the front I hear voices from within. I hear my name. Members of my class are chatting in the living area. Are they talking about me? I push the door open quietly to hear better.
"Nakashima-chan hasn't been herself. I'm kind of worried about her," Mina says.
"Mm. I think it's possible that she has been blaming herself for her what happened at Kamino," I hear Midoriya say. I stand, silently listening.
"But why?" Uraraka asked. I peered in. On the couches sat Midoriya, Uraraka, Tokoyami, Shoji and Ojiro. Standing nearby was Kirishima, Mins and Bakugo. Bakugo looked angry.
"Correct me if I've got this wrong but she almost saved Bakugo-kun and I right? I heard she tried to fight those villains head on at the lodge," Tokoyami says, his arms folded.
"What the fuck do you mean, bird face?" Bakugo growls. Bakugo had already been compressed in those orbs when I'd entered the fight. It's possible he hadn't known that I'd tried to save him. He looked furious at this new information.
"You didn't hear? That's scar she's got on her neck was from the incineration villain when she refused to give up yours and Tokoyami-kuns orbs. He had her by the neck. Honestly I thought he was gonna kill her," Shoji explained.
"It was like she was ready to die," Midoriya murmured. I clench my fists. Bakugo's face dropped. Silence filled the room. I take a deep breath, relaxing myself, stepping into the common area, making my presence known.
"Don't be so dramatic, Midoriya-kun." I say, shutting the door behind me. The group look at me shocked, not expecting to see me.
"I'm not suicidal, just an idiot. My body moved on its own," I say. I stretch my arms above my head. I force a smile. I should keep up this facade at least. The last thing I need is their pity.
"Nakashima-chan..." Midoriya said, trailing off. Bakugo glared at me.
"I need a shower, catch you guys later," I say. I head over to the lift, entering alone. The doors of the lift start to shut but to my surprise a pair of hands push them back open. Bakugo steps into the lift. He scowls at me. I stare at him disdainfully.
"You realise this only goes to the girls rooms right?" I ask flatly.
"I fucking know that idiot," he replied. I frown at him. The lift stops at my floor. I step out, Bakugo follows me. I sigh as I unlock my door. He follows me into my room, shutting my door behind him. He looks around at my bare room.
"Where the fuck is your stuff?" He asks incredulously.
"I don't have stuff," I reply, rolling my eyes. I slip off my jacket, hanging it on back of my desk chair. I sit down on it, swivelling around to look up at Bakugo. His expression is unreadable to me.
"Why are you here, Bakugo-kun?" I ask.
"You've been acting fucking weird since we came back to school. Even at today's training session. Why?" He asks directly. I lean onto my desk, resting my chin in my hand.
"I've been acting weird? You're the one who has been practically ignoring me," I say. I avert my gaze. "And then when you do talk to me you're just outright mean."
"I'm just telling you the truth," he growled. He clenched his fists. I groan. He followed me in here but he's being so aggressive.
"It's impossible to have a proper conversation with you when you're like this," I say. He watches me silently for several moments.
"Is that bastard Deku, right? You think you're the reason we were kidnapped?" Bakugo asks. I scoff.
"I don't think it. It's a blatant reality. I'm not off living in some fantasy world. If I was a little more reactive I could have escaped with you and Tokoyami-kun," I say softly. Bakugo grits his teeth. He steps closer to me grabbing the collar of my gym shirt.
"You're actually a fucking idiot," he says, pulling me to my feet. "You think if you were stronger you could've prevented that?"
"Yeah that about summarises it," I say. I shove his hand off my collar. He watches me angrily.
"You're wrong," he growls. I glare at him.
"I don't need you to say pretty lies to me, Bakugo-kun," I huff. Now I was starting to feel angry.
"I didn't stand a chance against them either," he says lowly. I raise my eyebrows. Bakugo admitting weakness was rare.
"To have defeated them you'd have needed to be stronger than me. And I'm the fucking strongest in our class so don't kid yourself into thinking there was more you could do. There wasn't," he said. I take in what Bakugo was saying. My chest aches.
I feel my eyes prickle. He's caught me off guard. This obnoxious bastard always manages to come out with amazing stuff. This whole time I've been thinking about what I should've done differently. I thought he might have hated me. And yet with a few words he absolves me of any responsibility I felt. I lean forward, pulling him into a hug. My face presses into his chest. I feel him tense up.
"Oi, what are you doing, seaweed head?" He asks agitated. He tries to push me off but I cling to him tightly.
"Just let me hug you, okay? You can't just go saying shit like that," I say, my voice trembling. He stops resisting as much.
"Whatever. Will this make you stop looking so pathetic? I'm sick of looking at your weak bitch face," he growls.
"It'll help," I mumble into his shoulder. A few moments pass. I feel his arms tentatively wrap around me. He hugs me, pulling me close to his body.
"Fine," he says lowly. His body is warm. This is different to the other times I've been close to him. There's no panic or desperation. I pull back. His face is dusted with a light flush. I like it.
"Thanks, Bakugo-kun." I say smiling.
"Tch, you just better not tell anyone about this. I only let you hug me because watching you suck at hero class was pissing me off," he growls. I nod.
"Sure," I say. Bakugo storms out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
I sigh and collapse onto my bed. Knowing that Bakugo doesn't blame me has made me feel a lot lighter now. I guess with all things considered, Bakugo was right. I'm not a strong fighter when facing enemies head on so the odds had been against me. The situation was out of my hands.
I think about Bakugo's flushed face and commit it to memory. I smile to myself. I think I wouldn't mind seeing that again.