This one is based off a weird dream I had. Lol

In the lunch line at school, Darren was behind Cartman and Butters and was watching them with an odd expression as they chanted "It's Taco Tuesday!" over and over in front of him. He was starting to wish that he did what Brooke and Lucy do and bring his own lunch. Pros: he wouldn't have to wait in line for a meal he may not even like, AND he wouldn't be subject to hearing and seeing this annoying display of theirs every week. Cons: he'd actually have to wake up earlier to prepare and pack a meal because he knew his mother wouldn't. She would just complain about him not eating the food at school. He sighed and stepped forward as the line shifted.

"Aw man," Clyde said as they retrieved their lunch plates. "I don't feel so good today…"

"Well," Darren told him, "that's what you get for always lying about being sick to stay home. When you actually ARE sick, no one believes you and they make you go to school. Anyways, what's wrong with you?"

"I don't know… My stomach feels weird and I keep getting cramps."

"Did you try going to the bathroom?"

"Yeah…nothing came out."

"That sucks."

"I wish I'd have stayed home today," Brooke said as they sat down across from her.

"Why didn't you?" Stan asked. "In fact, why do you even come to school? You're a Princess. Don't they have, I don't know, like, special home schooling for that?"

"Appearances need to be kept up," Lucy said. "The more NORMAL human activities she participates in the less likely the Nightmares will find her. They're not very intelligent creatures, but if she keeps pushing it!"

Brooke was making a guilty but also annoyed face and refusing to look at her. "Yeah, okay, I get it!"

"Besides," Lucy's calm and polite tone returned. "It's always good to learn."

"Yeah," Darren said, "but Mr. Garrison never really teaches us. And when he does, it's…uh, dumb. That's why Clyde can't do math right!"

Clyde didn't respond. He was hunched over with his chin resting on the table and arms wrapped around his abdomen, trying to ignore the smell of the food around him.

"I hate math," Brooke muttered. She picked up a red apple and took a loud bite of it, satisfied with the crunching sound.

"You like literature, right?" Kyle asked and she nodded.

"Speaking of learning," Cartman said through a mouthful of food, which earned him a disturbed look from Lucy. He swallowed. "That bitchy banshee the other day said something about Brooke not being your real name." Remembering now as well, the other boys looked over at her curiously.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. It's not."

Darren stared at her then finally blinked rudely. "Um, any OTHER secrets we should know?!"

"Probably," she shrugged and took another bite of her apple. She contemplated silently to herself as she chewed then swallowed and shrugged again. "I mean, they're not secrets just because you don't know about it."

"Still, you don't ever think that things like THAT would be important to tell us?"

"Not really…" she glanced away.

"Well then," Kenny said. "What's your REAL name?"

"Well, you guys wouldn't be capable of understanding the ancient language of the monsters whether you heard it or read it. It's a bunch of weird sounds I don't think humans can imitate."

"They cannot," Lucy interjected.

"Yeah, so anyways, I can at least tell it to you in human-English translation. Basically, roughly, it's a name that would translate to you guys as 'Angel' or, actually, more like 'Death Angel' or 'Dead Angel'."

"So," Kyle mused, "you're the Angel of Death and your name is… Angel of Death?"

"Something like that." She finished off her apple then started pulling the seeds from the core and pocketing them. "Everyone back home just calls me Angel or Princess. Brooke is the name my human parents gave me."

"You mean your not-parents?" Darren said.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Darren."

"Why are you keeping those seeds?"

"None of your business! What the hell do you think?"

"Well I don't know! You have so many SECRETS!"

"Oh, quit acting all butt-hurt! Go play Black Jack with Mr. Squirrel."

He turned around suddenly to look for something. "What? Is he here? That bastard!"

Cartman stared at Brooke. "That…THING you turned into…was an ANGEL?"

"No," she told him. "That thing was a Wechuge. The angel thing comes from my dad's side. He has wings, too, you know."

"Really?" Darren turned back around. "Under the cloak?"

"Mm-hm. There are different kinds of angels. Stupid."

He winced and stared at her, offended and in mid bite of his taco.

They all stopped and looked over at two boys yelling a few tables away. Tweek and Craig were suddenly arguing loudly about something, both of them standing up now. "You should KNOW what I'm talking about!" Tweek screamed.

"But I DON'T! What the hell's the problem?!"

"AGHH!" He stormed away.

"Fine! Leave!" Craig shouted after him then turned and angrily threw his plate of food on the ground before storming off in the opposite direction.

"Hey," some other kid said after. "I have an idea… FOOD FIGHT!"

There was a sudden riot in the cafeteria. Yelling and food flying in all directions and tables being upturned to be used as cover. "Well," Brooke casually got up from her seat and turned to leave. "Time to go outside now, I guess."

"Oh dear." Lucy ducked out of the way of a tossed handful of meat then quickly followed after her. But not before giving Kenny and Darren both stern, disapproving glares for joining in.

"Nooooooo!" Cartman shouted. "Not the tacos! WHYYYYY!?"

It didn't take long for Mr. Mackey and the principal, as well as a few teachers, to go see what was going on. It did, however, take them several minutes to regain order and usher all of the children into the schoolyard. Brooke had met up with the boys, except for Darren, who seemed to have disappeared among the rush. She gave Kenny a stern look and shook her head then turned and smacked Cartman in the back of the head.

"AGH! What'd you hit ME for?!"

"Well, I don't want to hurt Kenny. Oh, and because I hate you." She walked away.

He rubbed the back of his head and shot the other boys glares as they laughed at him. He grumbled, "Fucking… Angel my ass…"

"How odd," Lucy said. She was standing off in the corner talking with Riley and Butters when she got some kind of alert on her phone. She scrolled through the article. "Seems that a nearby turkey farmer's turkeys have escaped and are running loose. Hm. I'm not a fan of turkey. Personally, I prefer beef."

The two boys leaned over to look at her phone. "Oh jeez," Butters said. "That's a lot of turkeys!"

"Seventy-two turkeys escaped," Riley read aloud. "Wow."

"Are turkeys friendly?"

"Well," Lucy said, "they're prey animals, so they're usually quite skittish. But like chickens, I'm sure they can put up a decent fight with those sharp talons they're equipped with."

Feeling a tad detached today, Brooke decided to ignore everyone and just walk along the fence that surrounded the schoolyard. She stopped at the far end to watch cars pass for a few minutes then grew bored and continued walking. Along the way, she found Craig sitting alone on a bench with his head resting in his hands as he stared at the ground. Brooke watched him for a minute, debating if she wanted to ignore him too, but the empathetic side of her was too strong and quickly overpowered the detached selfish side.

"So," she said as she walked over, "what's up with you?"

"Nothing! HE'S the one who's got something 'up' with him!"

She knew he was talking about Tweek. "Yeah. You two were yelling at each other earlier." He was about to say something, but she held her hand up to stop him and leaned over to stare at something behind him. "Wait. …Is that a fucking turkey?"

"Huh?" He turned around to look. There was indeed a large turkey strutting around the schoolyard and getting closer to them. Several nearby kids stopped what they were doing to watch it, a few of them even scurrying away from it. "What? Why the fuck is there a turkey here?"

The large bird stopped several feet away, tilting and cocking its head around to look at them with wide eyes. It suddenly looked directly at Brooke and started kicking its feet like a bull readying itself to charge.

"Oh, hell no," she leered at it. "Bring it, turkey bitch!"

The bird returned the leer and suddenly ran at her. She yelped and jumped a step back, surprised as it leapt up at her. Its wings beat the air rapidly, sending feathers all around as it tried to raise its claws at her. She covered her face with her arms, getting scratched a few times, then swung out and knocked it back to the ground. With a hard kick, she punted the turkey, forcing an odd sound from it, and launched it all the way over the fence.

"Fuck you, you big ugly chicken!" She yelled as it ran away. With a huff, she fixed her hair and turned back to Craig. "So, anyways. You were saying?"

"Uh… Well, Tweek's all mad at me about something today and I don't know what. And when I asked, he got even madder and started yelling at me that I should already know!"

"Huh." She thought for a long minute. "Well, I don't know if this will make you feel better, but…" She moved closer, lightly placing her fingers under his chin and tipping his head up, then planted a soft kiss on his lips.

He blinked. "Uh, I'm not complaining, but…what the hell was that for?"

"Do you feel better?"

He was surprised at the sudden rush of calm that passed through him. "I – Actually, yeah. What did you do?"

She shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Oh, by the way…he's probably mad because you forgot about his birthday."

He flinched and watched her walk away. "Shit."

"Dude," Stan said. "Did you guys see that?"

"You mean Brooke punting a turkey, or Brooke kissing Craig?" Cartman asked. "I mean, totally saw both, but which one are you talking about?"

"The Craig thing."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, she totally just kissed him. Right on the lips."

"Huh," Darren said nonchalantly as he joined them.

"What the FUCK!?" Kenny yelled angrily. "Why'd she do that?!"

"Well," Darren shrugged. "That's what you get for not claiming her sooner."

"Wha- What?! I – FUCK YOU!"

"Dude, chill. Seriously though, why haven't YOU actually made any moves?"

"I – Well I – I don't-!"

"Whatever," Stan rolled his eyes. "You totally have a thing for her, dude."

"No I don't!"

"Uh, yeah, you do," Darren told him. "That's why you always get jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" he stamped his foot.

"Yeah you are," Stan said. "Why else would you be so mad about it?"

Cartman snorted. "Dude, you're totally jealous."

"Fuck you guys!" He stormed off.

They laughed. "Man," Darren said. "Quit being a little bitch, right Clyde? Clyde?" Clyde had been standing beside him earlier but now there was no sight of him. There was only a lingering stench. "Aw, it smells like shit!" Darren covered his nose.

As the bell ending recess rang out across the yard, all of the children began to scurry back inside to their classes. But Brooke purposefully hung back in the hall and waited until everyone had gone before she started heading the opposite way towards the front doors. She paused at the doors, glanced back to make sure that the coast was clear, then exited the school and started walking west towards the pond.

.

"Oh, well shit on me I guess." Mr. Garrison placed his hands on his hips and glanced between the two empty desks in his class. "It's only just after lunch and I already lost TWO students? All right, where are Clyde and Brooke?"

The students looked around. "Yeah," Kyle said, "where IS Brooke? We saw her at recess."

"And what about Clyde?" Stan asked.

"I think Clyde shit himself," Darren said.

"Oh," Mr. Garrison said. "… Okay, so where's Brooke? Anybody? … No? Oh well." He turned to the chalkboard and started writing. "All right class, now continuing our lesson –"

.

"What do you mean 'she's gone'?" Lucy asked as they left school that afternoon. "She didn't say anything?"

"No," Darren told her. "We assumed she had to go do Princess stuff, but since you're still here…"

They heard a distant screaming getting closer.

"Uh, do you guys hear that?" Stan asked.

They stopped at the corner of the sidewalk and watched as Brooke ran down the street screaming as a flock of more than fifty turkeys chased after her.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell's going on?!"

"Oh dear," Lucy sighed.

In the blink of an eye, the girl had transformed into a large blue-eyed beast and leapt over the boys. She charged straight into the flock, and all the boys could see through the dust and snow were flying feathers and terrified turkeys as the sounds of snarling and turkey gobbling filled the street. The frenzy only lasted about a minute or two before the birds finally found escape routes and scattered frantically away from the werewolf. As the turkeys and dust cleared, they saw her standing on all fours with a dead turkey hanging from her mouth.

She shook herself to remove the feathers that had clung to her glossy fur. "Well, that was exciting." Even in her frightening beast form, she still had the same polite little girl voice.

"Lucy," Darren said. "It is SO easy to forget that you're a werewolf sometimes."

"Where did Brooke go now?" Kyle looked around but couldn't spot her.

Kenny hurried over to Lucy and pointed up at the dead animal hanging from her jaws. "Are you gonna eat that?"

"Huh?" She looked down at him then lowered the bird to the ground. "Oh, no. I wasn't trying to kill any of them; this one just got caught in my teeth and I accidentally broke his neck."

The other boys exchanged odd, slightly frightened, looks. Kenny didn't seem bothered and happily picked the bird up by the neck and slung it over his shoulder. "Sweet! Thanks!"

"Well," Lucy bent forward to stretch her front limbs and shoulders. Her large black claws left marks on the asphalt as she flexed them. She straightened herself back up and shook her pelt again. "It's been a while since I had a good run. Hop on, I'll give you all a ride."

"A ride on a werewolf?!" Darren ran over to her. "YES!"

She lowered herself to allow them to get on her back. "Wow," Darren patted both hands down firmly on her shoulders. "Lucy, you're ripped!"

"H-Hey," Kyle said behind him. "Stop that!"

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"No! I just…rmm."

"Your fur is super soft, too." Stan brushed his fingers through the blue-gray fur.

"The trick is to use a good conditioner," she said as she lifted herself. "Now, the four of you will want to hold on tightly. Otherwise, you'll fall off, because I run fast. Everyone ready?"

She waited until she heard each boy's confirmation before taking off down the street at full speed. They hadn't actually expected her to be quite THAT fast. It was like riding on a racehorse, or maybe faster. For most of it, the boys had their eyes closed because of the cold wind hitting their faces, and they clung tightly to fistfuls of thick fur for fear of flying off.

She slowed and gradually came to a stop in front of Darren's house. "That was awesome!" He shouted and slid down from her back.

She bolted forward again, but not for long, and stopped near Stan and Kyle's homes. "Thanks Lucy," Stan said as he got down.

Kyle was shaking slightly. "Uh, yeah thanks." He straightened his hat and walked to his front door.

Lucy trotted away then began to gallop like a horse all the way to the old train tracks and past them to Kenny's house. She slowed herself to a walk, watching where she placed her paws so that she wouldn't step on glass. "This is so unsafe," she said. She stopped by the door and he jumped off.

"Thanks!"

"Kenny?"

They both jumped as Karen walked out from behind the house.

"Oh!"

"Karen!" Kenny said. "Uh, don't be scared! This is, uh, just –"

"That's a really BIG doggy!" She came over to see.

"Uh, yeah! A-A dog!"

Lucy shot him a glare.

"I'm sorry, just go with it!" he whispered from the corner of his mouth.

"When did you get a doggy, Kenny?"

Lucy snorted.

"Uh, well, she's not mine. Um, she uh, belongs to a friend!"

The werewolf stepped forward to meet Karen as she approached, making sure to give Kenny a good smack in the head with her tail as she did. She lowered her head to let Karen reach up and pet her muzzle.

"I've never seen such a big dog! She's so pretty!"

Lucy had to resist the urge to say 'thank you'. She allowed the younger girl to pet her for another minute before gently pulling away and turning to leave.

"Bye doggy!" Karen waved then looked at the turkey. "Why do you have a dead bird?"

"Huh? Oh! This is dinner! I mean, after it gets plucked and cleaned that is…" He kicked open the front door and held up the bird. "I got food!"

His dad jumped up from the couch. "Fuck yeah! That's my boy!"

.

Outside in the backyard, a banshee with purple eyes watched through the cracked window as a man walked into the kitchen and started plucking the feathers from a dead turkey. The banshee growled quietly to himself. The bird's soul was still stuck to the dead body; he could see it just barely hanging off the leg. Unlike his cohorts Charles and Lamar, he followed the rules. As such, he had to wait for the right opportunity to collect the soul so that he wouldn't be seen by this drunken human.

After plucking the bird clean of all its feathers, the man turned to the refrigerator to retrieve another drink. He wobbled a moment, steadied himself, then suddenly collapsed to the floor.

The banshee flinched. He stared and, after realizing that the man was only unconscious, he let out a sigh and disappeared, reappearing inside. He glanced over at the human once more, then stood up and reached for the bird.

"Hey! That's my turkey!"

He froze and slowly turned his head to look at the angry human boy standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room. He recognized this boy. He glanced between the boy, the man, the turkey, and then back at the boy. "Uhhh… I didn't do that," he used his tail to point at the fallen man.

"Huh?" Kenny glanced at his dad. "Ugh, drunken asshole." He turned back to the banshee. "Whatever! You can't have that turkey!"

"But I don't want the turkey."

"You don't?"

"No. Well, I don't want the body…" He relaxed. "I just want the soul stuck to it."

"Oh, well why didn't you say so." Kenny relaxed too.

"Uhh…right. So, I'll just be taking this…" He scooped something into his claws that the boy could not see then placed it in his jaws and swallowed. A small glowing orb appeared in his ribcage. He gave Kenny a very casual, lazy salute then vanished.

Kenny walked over to his dad on the floor and kicked him. The man only grunted and didn't wake up. He turned and went over to the plucked turkey on the table. "Well now what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

.

Darren had just settled himself comfortably in his beanbag seat when his phone started going off. "Who the fuck –" He looked at the contact then answered. "Kenny? What the hell do you want?"

"I need your help."

"Huh? With what?"

"Come to my house."

"Why didn't you say so BEFORE Lucy dropped me off at my house?"

"It…just came up."

"Can't you get Brooke to help you?"

"No," he said quickly.

Darren blinked. "… Is it because you're mad at her for kissing Craig?"

"No! I'm not mad!"

"Right. Just jealous."

"I'M NOT JEALOUS!"

He held the phone away from his ear and made a face. "Okay, okay! I'm coming. What do you need help with anyway?" The other boy had already hung up. "Ugh!" Darren sat there for several minutes before finally forcing himself to his feet.

.

The two boys stood over the table, staring down at the dead, naked bird. "What the hell made you think that I know how to clean a turkey?" Darren asked.

Kenny shrugged. "Well I don't know how."

"This seems like something Brooke would know."

"Well, she's not here!"

"She COULD be," Darren rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You…you gotta get the insides out I think."

Kenny looked down at the bird then picked up a large kitchen knife. He shifted it in his hand, tightened his grip, then suddenly stabbed the turkey in the chest, sending blood spraying on both of them.

"OH FOR FUCKS -! Give me that!" Darren took the knife from him. "This is the second time I've been splattered with blood that's not even mine! You know what… PIXIE!"

The little feathered dragon appeared on the edge of the table. "Helloooo, oh!" He was surprised to find a dead, bleeding bird on the table and the two boys painted with blood. "Er, how can I be of assistance?"

"How's he gonna help?" Kenny asked.

Darren ignored him. "Do you, by any chance, happen to know how to clean and cook a turkey?"

"Oh, yes, of course!" Pixie said cheerily.

"Great! Uh, do you think this one can be salvaged?"

"Indeed!" Pixie leaned forward to get a good look at the bird. "Right. I can guide you through it, but I can't do it myself. I'm much too little. This bird is bigger than me!"

"Okay," Darren said. "Guide ME through it." He exchanged a glare with Kenny.

.

Once Darren had finished cutting and cleaning the bird, he stepped back and wiped his face with his cleanest sleeve. "Okay. Now we can just bake it in the oven, right?"

"There are many ways to cook a turkey," Pixie said. "But yes, you can do that."

"Our oven's broken." Kenny said.

Darren jumped. "What? Then how were you guys going to cook this thing?!"

He shrugged. "I don't know. The barbeque?"

"The turkey's bigger than your grill!"

"Well I don't know!"

"Boys, please," Pixie said. "If you'd like, I can take the turkey with me and have the Royal Chef cook it?"

"You can?" they both asked.

"Certainly! He won't mind. And it would be fantastic, I assure you! Just think, an oven-roasted turkey soaked in seasonings, butter, and its own juice. Stuffed with potatoes and other baked vegetables that have been marinating with it in the same pan. I'm sure he could have it ready in an hour at the least."

Both boys were staring at him and drooling. "Fuck yeah!" Kenny said. "Let's do that!"

"Man," Darren said. "I gotta go home and eat something now."

Pixie smiled delightedly and touched the very tip of his tail to the turkey. "Then I shall return with the turkey in one hour!" He and the bird vanished.

.

Brooke stared curiously at her phone as it rung once then stopped. Several seconds passed and it rung again, stopping again after one ring. She snatched the phone in her hand, ready, and quickly answered it as it rung again after a minute. "Hello?"

"AGH!" The person on the other end hung up.

"What the?" She looked at the phone. "Tweek?" It rang again and she answered. "Can you just speak already?!"

"AH! Sorry! I mean – I'm not sorry!" He sounded unsure. "You – AGH! …why did you kiss Craig?" The last bit was very quiet.

"Huh? What about Craig? Oh!" She suddenly processed it. "Oh, don't worry about that. Actually, I can explain it to you, but I'll have to explain some other stuff first. So, the main thing is that it all has to do with souls…"

To be continued…