Chapter 34. Blush (Only You)

Addison joins Mark under the covers with a tired, but-mostly-content smile. Kate is sleeping peacefully now. Mark is almost sleeping peacefully, hands tucked behind his head as he fights off sleep a bit longer.

"Eleven years from now…" Addison begins when he reaches a hand out to map the shape of her jaw with his fingers. They are a little more than a week removed from December twelfth. Their wedding day.

"We're gonna be dangerously close to fifty. Yikes."

"Eleven years from now…" Addison says again, flush rising in her cheeks, even though she one-hundred percent has no idea where she is going with this. She just knows she needs to find a way to have this Conversation, even though she shouldn't need this reassurance, definitely shouldn't need it after all this time. Thankfully, Mark seems to pick up on both the unfinished thought and the need to talk about this. His hand stills against her cheek as he studies her closely.

"Eleven years from now I will love you as much as I do right now. That won't change, okay? I'm not ever going to be absent – if anything you're going to lose your damn mind because I'm just like, bam, going to be here all the time and constantly in your way. If you're having doubts though…" he offers a teasing grin, "the getaway car thing is going to be kind of awkward since we share a kid together."

Addison swallows heavily and attempts to shake her head while one cheek is pressed into the curve of a pillow. "It's not a second thoughts thing. I love you and I know you love me. I'm just kind of nervous."

"Me too," he admits. "And that's okay. We know it's right, but it's still a big deal. Do you want to go under the covers and do the Vermont thing?"

"I…I just want you to give me a hug."

"I can do that," Mark says, drawing her into his arms and helping her get her head settled on his chest. He wipes an anxious tear away from the arch of her cheekbone. This sudden reaction does not entirely surprise him. Mark had a sense it might be coming. It's just an Addison Thing, nothing that is cause for alarm, nothing that stitches any doubts or insecurities in him. She's worth the occasional mental and emotional hurdles that come up. "Addison…you've been hurt before. And so have I – in different ways, possibly less significant ways, but…we've both experienced a lot of loneliness, disappointment, and abandonment in relationships, whether it's about marriages or childhoods or both. But this – us – we're different. We love each other and this is right. Do you want to play five questions so we can focus on something else for a bit?" He sees and feels her head tip up in a nod. "Yeah? Okay, let's see…name five things you think describe future Kate Sloan. It can be anything – personality, things she likes, whatever." This question makes her giggle, and it is instantly the most beautiful noise he has heard all day.

"One: she'll have the same tiny gap in her front teeth that I did for like all of first grade. Two: she'll play sports. I sort of see her as part of a team, as like a feisty point guard or a middle infielder whose baseball or softball pants are going to need to be washed constantly because I know she's going to be one of those kids who will slide into bases just for the hell of it, not just when she's avoiding a tag."

Mark chuckles. "I can totally see that."

"Three: she'll be a good, nice friend to others. Especially Em and Drew. Four: there will be one or two vegetables she likes provided she can cover them in ranch dressing, but she'll hate everything else. Five: she'll love to read."

"That's good. Okay, how about -"

"Hey, Mark, I kind of want to…" she interrupts, leaning up to look at him, the point of her chin balanced on his chest. "Will you dance with me at -?"

"Now?"

"No," she laughs shortly. "Let me finish. Why on earth would you think now?"

"Addison, please remove the tone of surprise from your voice. We both know I think and say a lot of stupid things. Keep going though."

"I mean on our wedding day. I think I'd kind of like to have a first dance together. We probably can't dance during dinner. It's not that big of a room where we're having the reception and I would feel weird dancing in the back of a restaurant. Maybe afterwards, we can just play something off one of our phones in the hotel room. You know, before we…" she presses her lips together, holding back a smile.

"The Vermont card is now in play. Before I do that zipper thing that turns you on so much? And see how many times in one night I can make you -"

"God, Mark," she buries her face into his shoulder, laughing.

"Fine. Sorry. What do you want to dance to?"

Addison settles back down, cheek to muscular chest as she considers for a moment. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but…surprise me. You can pick. No Clash though. And it can't be a song that, uh, you wrote."

"So no singing…no singing…the woman I love has a nice rack and she's great in the sack…and looks…looks hot in panties that are black?" Mark smirks when she groans. "I swear that just came to me – which is all the more impressive, actually. I'm just really, really good with perverted rhymes."

"Why am I marrying you again?"

"Because I tricked you into it. And because we're good together, we make each other happy, we have an awesome kid, we've learned to like the rain together, and we love each other – now, eleven years from now, and many years from now when, despite my profession, we give in to having wrinkles and forgo Botox."

"We'll see about that last one."

"Feeling a little better, Red?"

She nods, a smile gracing her lips. "Can you rub my back for a bit though?"

"Yeah, always."

"And you'll love me forever." It is mostly just a statement, not really a question.

"I absolutely will."

"Me too. There was…there was something missing before I fell in love with you. But I didn't know what it was. I just knew something was missing in my life. But then I fell in love with you, and it turns out you were what I was missing," Addison exhales slowly, much calmer. His lips press against the top of her head.

She is not the same starry-eyed, fairytale-worshipper that she was in her twenties and early thirties. Real relationships are messy and raw and involve a lot of compromise and hard discussions.

But they can also be beautiful.

-

"Hey…" Mark answers Derek's incoming call at the same time Kate releases an unruly shriek. He winces. This is a new "thing" of hers. It is not his favorite thing.

"Hey. Is, uh, everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Kate's found her voice recently and she knows we'll look at her if she screeches like that. It's…loud. I think it's my fault, actually. I've told her she's cute too many times, so now she thinks everything she does is cute. And this is a decidedly not cute thing she's doing."

"Got it. Hey, what does your howler monkey child want for Christmas, by the way? Meredith wants to get her something. So by default I guess I do too."

"Oh, that's nice of you guys. You don't have to do that. But, uh, let's see…honestly, right now her favorite toy is a wooden spoon…"

"We are not sending her a utensil set. And I'm assuming since Addison is her mother, she doesn't need more books."

"She really doesn't. She loves musical toys, anything that has buttons, and blocks – she likes to try to stack them and knock them over. Oh, and she takes 'big girl baths' now, so you could always get her bath toys. She loves the water."

"Okay, thanks. I'll pass that along to Mer. And, Mark? I'm actually calling because I know it's, uh, a few days away from your…big day. So I just wanted to say…congrats, I guess. And have fun."

Mark swallows nervously. "Any advice for me? Besides the obvious what-not-to-do eleven years from now?"

"No advice. Not really."

"Do you remember what I said to you before your wedding, Derek?" He asks quietly. "Before we went up on the altar."

Derek laughs. "I remember you telling me that one woman for the rest of my life is not what God intended. And my, how the tables have turned."

"Yeah. But I also said that…I said that you would never find another friend as good as me. Ever. And…I don't know. I've just been thinking about that lately. We grew up together, we went to med school together…you're kinda like my better half."

"Don't tell that to your soon-to-be-wife. But, apparently my thing for ferry boats is as strong as my thing for hopeless cases. You're still my friend, Mark. You shouldn't be, probably, because of what happened, and it's different now, but – you're still my friend. My weird, arrogant, but now sometimes sappy best friend who is completely serious when he says things like 'big girl baths.' So we'll grab a beer next time I'm out there and do another weird toast to something while your kid pulls on my hair."

"Thank you, Derek."

-

"How are you feeling?" Naomi asks quietly once the makeup artist has checked over Addison one last time.

"Good." The redhead turns to face her, light reflecting off her bronzed cheeks from the window of a room outside the main hall functioning as their bridal suite. "Nervous, but good. I think. You know, last night while I was staying in the hotel with Kate, and Mark was at home so we could do the spend-the-night-apart thing…I think that's honestly the first time since last winter that I've spent a full night sleeping without him."

"Mark Sloan, turning into a family man," Naomi shakes her head, smiling. "Who would have thought?"

"No one. Absolutely no one," Savvy provides the answer. "You…you really do not want my help, do you?"

"With what?" Addison spins around, curls rolling forward as an anxious expression coats over her face. Such a question makes her wonder if something is wrong – with her hair, with her makeup, with her dress, with anything. Having Naomi and Sav in the room with her has been helping. Seeing her mother – just briefly before Isabelle went to take her seat with her husband – unexpectedly helped as well. But she is still a bit jittery.

Savvy shakes her head quickly. "Oh, sorry. I'm talking to your kid. Not you. I'm trying to assist with the bottle. I know she can hold it on her own, but I'm also trying to ensure she doesn't dribble milk and drool all over her dress," Savvy says, a receiving blanket hovering under Kate's chin. Kate sucks greedily on the bottle – a feeding timed with precision to ensure she won't start crying for food during the ceremony.

"I appreciate that," Addison smiles at her daughter, who looks beautiful to her always, but particularly beautiful today. Kate's hair is longer now, wispy copper fringe contrasting against the pale blue of her eyes and dark lashes. She looks like a "big girl" in her current outfit, a white dress that billows out at the bottom like a tutu, and a pair of suede, blush-toned Mary Janes that tie across the top of her feet. "It's those stubborn Sloan and Montgomery genes. But at least with the bottle in her mouth…"

"She's quiet?" Naomi finishes, glancing down at her phone when it chimes out an alert notification. "Oh, hang on. I just got a text from Sam. My separated-but-working-on-it Sam, because if you idiots – you and Mark – can make it work, so can we, or we can at least try. Be right back."

"It's almost time. When Naomi gets back, I'm going to head out there," Savvy says, which adheres to their plan to get Kate comfortable and settled before the ceremony starts, in the (vague) hope that perhaps she will remain that way. They have already discussed this plan, but Savvy walks Addison through the remaining details again anyway, speaking like a mother dropping her child off at school for the first time would. "And in ten minutes the event coordinator is going to come to get you, and when you're ready, she'll start the music."

"And then I'll get married."

Savvy offers a confirming nod. "And you'll get married."

"You'll get married to a man who looks incredible in a tux. He's heading out there in a few minutes," Naomi slips back into the room. "Here though…" she holds a folded note out to Addison. "This is for you. He wants you to read this before you walk down the aisle."

-

Addison,

I know we're saying traditional vows for a lot of reasons. Mainly because we aren't Personal Vows in Front of Everyone kind of people, your suspicion that I would say something inappropriate (accurate), and the need to get through this ceremony in a timely manner due to our child's sudden need to shriek and squawk. But there are a few things I wanted you to know before we get married. Bear with me, because this wouldn't fit on sticky note.

The way I feel about you – the way I started to feel when I first began falling in love with you – I'd never felt a feeling like that before. I didn't know it was even possible to feel something like that. But then all of a sudden you were "it" for me. You still are. It's you today. And it's you tomorrow.

It's also about our daughter, regardless of the volume of her voice and the fake coughing thing she's doing lately. She's beautiful just like her mom. She's also happy, observant, funny, and smart. It's an honor to be her dad, and to get to do this parenting thing with you. You two are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I vow to do everything I can to make sure you are both happy, safe, and loved.

We've survived a lot of things separately, and a lot of things together. We have never given up though. And I promise you that I won't ever give up on you, or us.

I'll be waiting at the end of the aisle. You asked me a few nights ago if I would love you forever. And I said yes, because it's truer than anything I've ever known to be true. But just in case you need to know it again, here it is in writing: I will love you forever, Addison Adrianne Montgomery-Sloan.

- Mark

-

Mark enters through a side door and heads across the room to stand in front of an elegant arch braided with fresh evergreen and white silk fabric. He says hello to Brooke, their officiant who Google helped them find, but they have come to adore due to her sense of humor and willingness to accommodate their desire to get through the ceremony quickly to hopefully prevent a baby-related meltdown.

Mark nods and smiles towards the guests he can feel are trying to catch his gaze – the waiting up here alone part is painfully awkward – but otherwise focuses on his happy daughter, who is gurgling and emitting babbles that are starting to sound a lot more like syllables as of late. Kate is on the floor in front of the first row of chairs (she noticed her dad, but is mostly occupied at the moment and not feeling particularly anxious about not being right next to her parents), Savvy down on the floor next to her, the seat behind them all but abandoned. Weiss is holding a myriad of Kate-specific toys, but Mark notices that her favorite ones – the stuffed elephant and wooden spoon – are discarded at her feet in favor of crushing rose petals between her hands that Savvy must have allowed her to grab from the vast arrangement of petals trailing down the aisle.

"We owe you one," he whispers to Savvy.

"No worries. I can see just fine from down here," she answers kindly, because it's the truth, and she figures that it wouldn't be very nice to give him a hard time today. He looks nervous. She adjusts a little to help a reaching Kate pull more petals closer, and is very grateful that she decided to wear a floor-length dress.

Mark's eyes travel to the cracked-open double doors at the room's entrance, vision skipping past the scattered petals and silver-finished lanterns stuffed with fairy lights that frame both sides of the aisle runner, décor glowing even brighter due to the natural light flowing in through the large windows.

He can hear a bit of murmuring through the doors, and then an instrumental piano version of "Can't Help Falling in Love" begins to play. Their guests – Savvy and Kate excluded – clamber to their feet. Mark and Addison had a tough time narrowing it down to a processional song (and not just because, thanks to their daughter, "Baby Shark" has been permanently lodged in their brains for a while now), but as soon as they heard the lyrics "fools rush in" and "some things are meant to be," they were sold.

And Mark is even more sold as the music swells and Addison walks towards him, hair hanging long in soft curls and makeup a bit more makeup-ish today (but stunning). She is wearing a dress so gorgeous it looks like it was made specifically for her: a shiny gray, floor-length gown with sheer-lace half-sleeves that lead to an illusion neckline and lacy bodice, before dropping to chiffon material that hugs flatteringly at her waist. She smiles at Mark, a happy but nervous smile as she gets closer to him, and it's just…everything.

Addison's stomach feels fluttery when she sets her bouquet on the accent table near their officiant that is already occupied by their wedding bands. She didn't end up selecting a new band when they went looking; she wanted to wear her promise ring instead. It felt right to her.

"You look beautiful," Mark whispers when she turns to give him her full attention.

"Thank you," she reaches out to grab his hands. "And you look really, really handsome." She does a subtle glance from top to bottom, eyes moving approvingly over the dark blue, two-piece Armani suit. The visual is nice, and she also does her best not to peep over at her daughter, just in case seeing mommy looking is what triggers a meltdown.

"Welcome," Brooke says in a bright, clear voice to their guests. "Please be seated. Thank you for joining us on this snowy day as we witness and celebrate the marriage of Mark and Addison. Marriage is the union of two people, but it also often unites families and strengthens a bond that already exists. The bride and groom would like to take this moment to recognize the significant role their daughter, Kate – described by her mother as 'perfect' and by her father as 'loud, but also perfect' – plays in today's celebration. Before us today is a family drawn together by love and…held together…" their officiant throws out a strained grin when Kate starts softly crying, holding her arms out towards her parents, who look towards her immediately. "And held together by friendship, devotion, impressive surgical skills, and Addison's patience for Mark's terrible jokes. And also a collective patience for their cute kid."

"Again with the loud," Mark says to Addison. He shakes his head, laughing. "Just keep going…" he says awkwardly to Brooke, who has the good sense to wait. She kind of needs him to be here for this. "I'll get her."

Kate reaches her arms out when Mark approaches, starting to hiccup in a way that strikes him as fake. His suspicions are confirmed when he scoops his daughter up, which prompts a happy gurgle into his chest. She blinks up at him through thick eyelashes, and has the nerve to smile up at him with a smile that definitely appears mischievous. Her fingers tighten around the lapels of his tux and a little cooing noise she makes prompts an awww to rumble through the crowd. Mark heads back over to Addison and Brooke, offering an amused grin while rolling his eyes.

"Drama Queen," he whispers teasingly to his daughter. He positions Kate in one arm, balanced on his hip, and reaches out to hold Addison's hands again with his free one.

"I knew one of us would end up holding her," Addison whispers back with a smile that matches his in width. It's fitting for her to be up here with us, she decides. Kate is a huge part of the reason they've even made it to this point, after all.

"Ready?" Brooke waits until they both nod. "I've been encouraged by the bride and groom to cut as many corners as I can, so we'll be doing the vows in one shot. Do you, Mark and Addison, take each other to be spouses, from this day forward, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?"

"We do."

"And now…" Brooke reaches towards the accent table to grab their wedding bands. "The ring exchange."

Mark hesitates. "What do you think, Katiebee? Want to play with the flowers for a bit?" He sets her down between the two of them where a cluster of white rose petals are. Both Mark and Addison hold their breath, waiting cautiously.

Fortunately, Kate seems okay with this plan. She does, however, look back towards her Aunt Savvy, emitting a throaty "Mm" sound several times in a row.

Savvy blinks back with a confused and anxious tell me what to do face. Mark and Addison both know though.

"She wants the stuffed elephant. Can you bring it up here for the thunder-stealer?" Addison grins. She prides herself on not referring to the elephant by its given name, Maggie, since her friend/OB is in the second row, which may have caused some confusion.

Savvy tosses the elephant to Mark (and then returns to her seat, because it is clear the youngest Sloan is not returning), who sets it down next to Kate. Kate makes a delighted "oh-oh" sound, and then scoots backwards (a new trick), dragging the animal by the ear. She adjusts herself into a sitting position by her mother's Badgley Mischka pointed toe pumps. And then she stills, appearing perfectly content with her stuffed animal, the rose petals sprinkled around her, and her parents standing next to her.

Brooke clears her throat in a friendly way to get Mark and Addison's attention, and then holds out the wedding bands nestled in her palm. "Please go ahead and place your rings on each other's fingers," she pauses to give them a moment. Mark slides Addison's diamond cluster ring on her finger, and she in turn slides a beveled-edged white gold ring onto his. "And now repeat after me: with this ring, I thee wed, and pledge you my love, now and forever."

They smile at each other, both fighting back a thrilled, disbelieving laugh as they repeat their officiant's words. "With this ring, I thee wed, and pledge you my love, now and forever."

"Wonderful. And by the authority vested in me by the state of New York, home to the twenty-seven-time World Series champion New York Yankees…"

They are pronounced husband and wife. And later, when they look back at the wedding photos, they will quickly agree on their favorite: a shot which features Kate looking up at them with an expression of wonderment – one leg shadowed by the cascading ruffles of Addison's chiffon skirt, her tiny fists crushing the ear of her stuffed elephant, and rose petals scattered on her lap – as they share their first kiss as husband and wife.