oh, we made quite a mess babe / it's probably better off this way / and i confess, babe / in my dreams you're touching my face / and asking me if i want to try again with you / and i almost do

- i almost do, taylor swift (red)

it was almost midnight when sasuke got home to his flat, clothes and hair a little wet from the downpour outside. he hasn't eaten yet but there is no crave for food, only the hunger for the comfort of his own bed. water was dripping on the floor as he walked barefoot inside, and he can hear the thunder rumbling in the sky outside.

there is no comfortability in the silence that covers his apartment as he looked around. there were moments where it was alive, the walls breathing someone's name, but not anymore. he went to the kitchen and picked an apple along the way to munch on before he hops on the shower.

sasuke saw his home phone, blinking red with voicemails he missed for the day, and he ignored it. he took off his shirt and ate his fruit as he made his way to the living room, where he can look outside the window to see the crying sky. he peered down and looked at the tiny people walking by, wondering if they're as lonely as he is.

a shrill ring of his home phone was heard throughout the whole apartment. he barely spared it a glance, knowing it might just be his mother or naruto fussing over him, and continued to chew on his food as he gives himself another moment of peace.

he wonders if this is what peace really means—walking home to your place and seeing there's no one to welcome you back, looking at the rain and wondering if things were different, would he have been happy instead?

another ring came on and he ignored it again and let it went straight to voicemail. he was expecting the melodious voice of his mother or the obnoxious tone of his best friend, not this lonely sound from someone he hasn't heard from in a year.

[hey, it's me.]

sakura haruno was his first love. if he had a choice, she might have been the last one. with the way his heart still cracks even after a year of not hearing from her, she very could well be.

his eyes were wide from the window as he looked at his home phone, wondering if he should pick up the phone and let her know he's there; that he's always been there, waiting.

[this is strange, i know, but i just have no one to talk to about this.]

her voice was a strike of lightning, a song he hasn't heard in a long time, a caress he's been missing for a year now. his bones shook and he had to lean on the window for support, thinking what the hell he should do for situations like this. his instincts were going crazy—flight or fight. sasuke wanted to get the fuck out, to escape this cage he's been cornered in; but his heart wanted to stay, to listen because he was never able to when they were together.

[knowing your workaholic tendencies, you still might be at work. hopefully, you have gotten rid of that. hopefully, you are at work so that you can't hear this shit from your voicemail since you don't listen to them ever. i just really want to get this out of my system.]

feeling his knees will give out from exhaustion and from her voice, sasuke slowly made his way down the floor. his back was against his floor-to-ceiling window and he brought his knees close to his chest as he leaned down to rest his chin on them. he quietly listens.

[i... i had a dream, last night, i thought it was real for a minute. i was in a green field back when we were out of the city, back when things were simpler and much happier... and you were there with me.]

sasuke ducked his head down, memories flooding in his brain as she speaks, listening to her voice and the rain from both of their ends.

[i haven't felt calm and peaceful in a long time... and having that dream made me relive that peace we had... and i just want to know... if you're now at peace, sasuke... are you?]

tears were threatening to prick his eyes and he bit his lip, his head still bowed down as if embarrassed from his non-existent audience in his lonesome place. sasuke wrapped his arms tighter around his knees. he heard her huff a poor attempt at laugh.

[what am i even saying? i don't know...] there's a helpless tone in her voice as she speaks.

[i don't know.]

how can i be at peace, sakura? you took that away. even the chaos and the laughter and the thrill of it all—you took them away with you.

[you were there in my dream, and you were looking at me like how you looked at me before. then you asked me to try again with you... to be with you... you touched my face and told me... "come back. be with me," you said... like it wasn't even a question...]

sasuke raised his head towards the phone several feet away from him and he could picture her clearly in his head—she's somewhere far away, with the rain falling down around her, as she leans against the window pane, her phone clutched on her hand and her eyes closed. there's an exasperated smile forming on her lips and how he wished he was there to witness it.

[you know what the funny part is?... i know it wasn't a question, really... yet, i almost said yes... i almost said, "yes... i will be with you... i want to try again..."]

his heart skipped a beat...

[and that's the saddest part, really... that it was just "almost" ... that we were just "almost" ...]

...until it broke altogether. again.

sakura sighed onto the receiver, her breath an indication she was real and she was hurting at the same time sasuke is. he's paralyzed, unable to move past his pain, unable to move past her. he heard her sigh and the crackle of dying connection from the bad reception due to the heavy rain.

[i don't have much time... i was just roaming around and found this payphone outside the city i'm in and i don't have any quarter left... but i just wanted you to know about my dream. i know i can't speak about it with ino, she would kill me...]

and with a bated breath, she whispered.

[it could've been nice if i was able to hear your voice though...]

with that, something inside him awoke and dared him to move. his surefooted feet were now stumbling with each other as he frantically crossed the distance from where he is to his phone.

[i'm going now... i hope you're okay...]

a strangled noise came out of him as he desperately reached out.

not yet, not yet. please, don't go yet...

[just know i still miss you... and i still lo-]

"sakura!"

he held his breath for a moment until a sound signaling there's no one on the other line greeted him instead of her.

"sak..." he whispered, desperate and lonely. "hey..."

he checked his voicemail box for the first time in months and he looked for the latest one, but to no avail it was an unregistered number since it was from a random payphone and there was no voicemail left. she might've deleted it on her end at the last second.

sasuke put down the phone, numb and just about done with everything going on. how can he be so stupid? how can he be such a damn fool to let her talk for 2 minutes and never answer when all he ever wanted was to ask her how she's been? how can he be such a goddamn coward when he rejected his best friend just because he was afraid back then?

how can he still be afraid until now?

his best friend, his almost lover; gone from his life for the second time. maybe when their stars align again in the future, it will be better. it's probably better off this way. for now, at least.

but for now, he will sit on the kitchen floor remembering the cracking sound of her voice and the warm tears on his cheeks, until it will no longer be that way anymore. one day, he will hear that voice again as they sit face to face and the stain on his cheeks will no longer be from regret.

the next tears he will shed will be tears of joy as he welcomes her back home to him, sasuke silently hopes so.

~fin~