Chapter 46: Boy or Girl?

Meredith's Point-of-View

I was scared out of my mind! Not just for the fact that I was going to officially become a mother within the next day or two, but that my baby was going to be born way sooner than it should be. I didn't know how much longer I would have with my son or daughter, and that terrified me.

I wanted a lifetime with him or her, I wanted to watch them throw their graduation cap into the air, I wanted to watch them at the altar getting married, I wanted to bounce their children, and my grandchildren, on my knee. But that might not happen. Sure, Addison had high hopes but I'm a doctor too here, you can only sugar coat so much.

I glanced up to my IV and looked at the bag hanging with an orange sticker on it that contained the steroids that were supposed to help the baby's lungs mature at a faster rate. Pump faster, pump faster, I chanted to myself. I was laying on my back with my knees and feet elevated in the air so that the baby didn't try to go anywhere. I heard a knock on the door and looked at the clock, it was 3 AM and I'd only been here for four hours… I had no idea who it could be but since visiting hours were over I knew it had to be a doctor.

"Come in." I called out as I flipped my lamp on. The door opened and I knew who it was immediately just based on height "Dr. Bailey."

"Hi." She smiled as she came in wearing a look of sympathy "How are you doing?"

It felt odd having her approach me so softly, like a mother, as opposed to her usual strict demeanor "Um, well… I'm not sure."

"Scared?" she asked with a rise of her brow.

"Yeah, you can say that." I scoffed "I can't believe this is happening." I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I tried to wipe it away before she saw it but apparently nothing gets by Bailey and she reached for a box of tissues "I just feel like a crappy parent, I can't even deliver my baby safely."

"You're not a crappy parent." She smiled "You're already doing the best you can for your baby. Sometimes things just happen for a reason, we don't know what that reason is, but there is a reason. It'll all work out for the best."

"Were you scared?" I sniffled "When you had your son?"

"Terrified." She said "And that was with everything going right. So, what you're feeling right now?"

"Yeah?"

"Totally normal."

"Oh." I breathed a sigh of relief "Do you think I'll be a good mother Bailey? I mean, I kind of had a crappy one myself…shit!"

"What?"

"My mother… no one's going to go visit her now." I started to bellow as unstoppable tears sprang from my eyes "Oh god! I'm going to be a horrible mother and daughter!"

"Hey now." She suddenly got snappy "You aren't going to be anything but a mess if you keep that up. I know it's hard with that raging hormones surging through your body right now, but you need to calm down so you can think clearly… I taught you better than that!"

I sniffled and took a few breaths "I'm sorry."

"Now… I can send that no good pretty boy you call your brother to go check on your mother until you recover." She said as she squeezed my arm "Or that overly handsome husband of yours.. surely they can get something done."

"Bailey." I mumbled.

"I know, I know. For some god known reason you love him. I know he'll want to spend time with the baby. But trust me, you'll get sick of the hovering."

"But, Bailey."

"Just trust me on this Meredith, you'll want some space from the man and his overly moussed hair do."

"Bailey!"

"What… I'm just trying to help you out now, no need to yell at me!"

"I think my water just broke." I mumbled, her eyes widened, and she looked to see a puddle of pink fluid between my legs. "Crap."

She stuttered as she pushed the nurse button "Page Addison Montgomery!"

"I'm already here." She said as she came charging in, "I saw a little distress on the monitor and was on my way anyhow… Meredith." I gulped at the look on her face "I'm sorry we can't wait any longer."

"Derek." I panted as I felt myself start to hyperventilate.

"I'm right here too." He said as he walked in the room tying on his scrub cap, he scooped up my hand and gave me a look that gave me the strength to look back at Addison and nod.

"Ok let's go people." She ordered out.

And then everything from there happened in a blur. I was wheeled into a very cold OR, for some reason I never remembered them being THAT cold before. A doctor that I recognized but couldn't remember his name gave me a spinal block and I felt my legs warm up before going completely numb. I felt like dead weight as they lifted me onto the OR table and started to pull a curtain up in front of my face.

"No!" I gasped "I want to see."

Addison nodded to the tech's that it was ok as Derek came in from the scrub room and took a seat next to my head. Addison looked at him and frowned.

"You're not going to try to assist?" she asked.

"This is my child Addison." He said, "I want to be in the father's seat."

"Very well." She nodded "Would you like to cut the cord?"

"When you get there." He said.

I felt myself start to shake and shiver and Derek leaned over and kissed my forehead. I was kind of surprised myself that he didn't want to jump in, but then again if I had to see his insides opened up on an OR table I might feel the urge to throw up../ so I guess I was glad that he was sitting next to me.

"Suction." Addison called out a few minutes later.

The next sound I heard took my breath away. It was the cry of a very tiny infant, it almost sounded strangled at first as the suction tube was sucking its mouth out and then it gave out a loud healthy cry.

"Wow." Addison giggled "That's a healthy set of lungs!" she smiled as she nodded to Derek "Cut the cord?"

He got up and took a pair of scissors and snipped between the clamps, tears filled my eyes as I waited on a baited breath. I wanted to know if the baby was ok, was the crying a good thing? Was it going to have to be in the NICU for a long time, was anything else wrong with it? How much longer did I have to call it an IT?

"It's a girl!" Derek said. I looked at him through my tears and saw behind his mask that he was grinning ear to ear. Addison held the baby up for me to see, she was tiny... and she was a SHE. I had a daughter.

"Oh god." I sniffled and giggled at the same time "I totally thought it would be a boy."

The nurses took her over to the warmer and did whatever they did. I kept hearing her cries and I took that as a good thing, it meant her lungs were working. Derek came over and planted a big kiss on my lips, almost to the point that I had forgotten that I'd just given birth, that I was still in surgery. When he let go of my lips, I felt out of breath but smiled.

"We have a daughter." I whispered.

"We do have a daughter." He grinned "And she's beautiful."

"Is she going to be ok?" I asked. His eyes lost a little light in them, making me panic... I wanted to jump off the table and go check on her myself, if it weren't for not being able to feel the lower half of my body I would have... "Derek?"

"She's got a lot of growing to do, but she might just be ok."

"Might?" I scoffed "What do you mean MIGHT." I started to panic "I haven't even met her yet, I haven't gotten to hold her, I don't even know what we're going to name her, she has to be ok."

"Mer." Derek breathed as he glanced at something over my head "Baby, calm down. You need to calm down."

"No, no I won't calm down until someone says she'll be ok. She has to be ok!"

"Meredith." Addison called out "You should really calm down, the baby is going to the NICU, for right now she's ok."

"That's not good enough!" I panted "I want to know that she's going to grow up and have birthdays, date, get married, and have babies of her own. I need to…"

Then, I realized why they wanted me to calm down… everything went black and I heard them calling my name off in the distance as I closed my eyes and took a nap. I was a mother though… the moment had happened, and I didn't know how long a moment it would be, but I…was…a mother.