"They needed absolute proof that you were ready. That you were stable enough to continue."
"And they couldn't use the normal protocol for that? The tests that are specifically there to figure that sort of thing out? Pulling in a civilian was the only way?!"
"You weren't in the right place for the tests. They wanted real situational proof. "
"They cleared me for active service." Alex spat.
"And you put me on that excursion. You armed me, for fuck's sake! Was that not in good faith?!"
"Your gun was jammed. Irrevocably. You did not notice. It was one of many flags."
Alex reeled. Yassen took advantage of the sudden loss of words.
"Have you stopped to consider why Matthews has elected to overlook so many points of concern? Your subpart condition. The forgetfulness. The dissociation." he snarled.
"Did you really think that you could hide it all if you tried hard enough? That you could continue to be so viciously reckless without consequence? Are you unaware of the extent of danger we are in or are you genuinely choosing to be so foolish?"
"I'm not hiding anything." Alex snapped back, flames rekindled white-hot in his eyes.
"I was dissociating months before this. Under your watch."
"And I let you live because you said you were good. That you and Three had fixed it. Permanently."
"He did. I was fine after-"
"Obviously not!"
"I was fine until I got to this bloody hellscape, alright?! It just happened. I don't know why!"
"And the hallucinations?"
Gregorovich knew he'd hit a nerve.
"You brought that up, Alex. Your own dissociative self brought that up. Do you not understand how pressing that is?!". he snarled, rage boiling up.
"How many times do I have to tell you that carelessness kills in this line of work?! Especially as you continue to insist on sentimentality."
Alex flinched.
"Matthews may have decided to turn a blind eye on what happened in Samarra and Krasnoyarsk, but there is a limit. You know that. And once you cross it, he won't be able to protect you any further, and that is not a place you want to be in. No one is that valuable, Alexander. No one. Do you understand?"
The double threat didn't go unnoticed.
"Yes."
"Good. We've wasted enough time as it is." he nearly missed the vial thrown at him.
"An epi-pen?" Alex's brows furrowed in confusion.
"Modified for methylphenidate."
He tensed, exhaustion suddenly washing over him in squalling waves as he was brought to his knees, face to face with the one issue he just couldn't ignore.
"That's the last of it all."
Alex tapped it unconsciously against his palm, feeling the liquid slosh around. All 300 milligrams of it, feeling the uncomfortably familiar burn in his veins.
"We officially start training today. Start at the shooting range in an hour. And then the obstacle course after the lecture.
"Fuck. The lecture..." the blond muttered groaning in distress under his breath, rubbing at his eyes.
It was always the fucking lectures that got him...