For some reason sleeping on a royal mattress and sleeping in the ground felt almost the same to Zuko now a days. He really hadn't been sleeping well since he returned to his kingdom. Often, he was kept up by confusing nightmares about dragons, his uncle, the girl with red hair and whispers about what was right and what wasn't.
He was still in turmoil after having received that ominous note the other night. It was a note that sent him on a scavenger hunt to the Dragon catacombs where he learned the truth about his inner demons. Uncle Iroh had finally spoken to him and he had not been able to shed the words from mind.
"Because understanding the struggle between your two great-grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself." Iroh replied patiently, watching as his nephew sat down and hung his head, "Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is your nature, your legacy. But, there's a bright side.
"What happened generations ago can be resolved now, by you. Because of your legacy, you alone can cleanse the sins of our family and the Fire Nation. Born in you, along with all the strife, is the power to restore balance to the world."
He had realized that his conscience. The one that told him what was right and what was wrong had taken the terrible embodiment of his ex-girlfriend and the more he ignored it the more it seemed to nag him.
Zuko stood with his arms outstretched as two servants helped him into his outer robe before he turned and allowed one of them to button it up.
'Can't button up your own shirt?' She judged as she sat on a chair with her legs crossed. He decided to ignore the comment.
"Fresh fruit, Prince Zuko?" Another servant asked as he held up a bowl of fruit with his head bowed deferentially.
'Do you need them to chew your food for you too?'
Feeling guilty Zuko put his hand up and shook his head in the negative and another servant stepped up to him, "May I wash your feet, sir?" Zuko repeated the gesture and another servant took a step towards him, "Head massage?" Zuko shook his head once again and walked towards the door but paused when another servant stepped up to him with a plate of steaming towels on it. He felt smothered by this life.
"Hot towel?"
He stared at the towels for a moment then sighed quietly and picked one up, wiping his forehead with it before placing it back on the tray and walking out of the room. He quietly exited the palace and walked towards the gates, stepping outside. Zuko smiled slightly at the small crowd of Fire Nation citizens standing around seemingly waiting for him. He watched in bemusement as one woman became overly excited and was led away by two palace guards then he went to take a step down the street.
"Prince Zuko, is something wrong?" A servant asked from behind Zuko and he gestured towards the palanquin he was standing in front, "You didn't take the palanquin."
Zuko turned to look at the servant curiously, "I'm just going to Mai's house. It's not far."
"It's not a prince's place to walk anywhere, sir." The servant stated respectfully and Zuko glanced in the direction of Mai's house which was only a short walked away. Then he walked over and climbed into the palanquin.
The servants picked the palanquin up and walked the few yards to Mai's house and Zuko peered out of the palanquin curtains, smiling slightly when he saw Mai standing by the doors to her house. The darkly dressed girl waited for him outside.
Zuko stared at the doors to Mai's house for a moment then sighed and stepped out of the palanquin.
"You should leave," she said to him with her arms crossed over her chest. Her lips drawn into a serious thin line. He guessed she was still upset at what had happened in Ember Island.
"I already said I was sorry Mai," he apologized. "It was all the fire punch. I had that night. I just got my words messed up," he spoke sincerely.
"For some reason I find that hard to believe." There was no edge to her tone, as per usual no emotion. She closed her eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath.
"I already told you! It was an accident!" Zuko said sounding more agitated.
"I know." Was all she said. Her tone remaining as ominous as ever.
"Know what?" He asked taken aback honestly perplexed at her comment.
Mai didn't say another word and turned away retreating to her home.
"Mai," He pleaded.
"I know you're in love with her," she said painfully. It was the first time Zuko saw an honest glimpse of pain reflected in her dark eyes. "Things have not been the same since you returned from your banishment. I know it. I can feel it. And I will not be a part of this. Tsai spoke to me already and I understand everything now."
"What?" His eyes went wide. "What- what did she say?"
"She basically told me her whole life story and gave me a lame speech about supporting each other." She ran a hand through her hair. Yeah that sounded a lot like her. "I can see why you like her."
She was quiet, and he had no words for her.
"This time we are done for good," Mai said lowering her eyes and mumbled a goodbye before shutting the door on him.
Xxx
Tsai found herself looking for an eight-leaf clover in the royal palace's garden. One which was beautiful and composed the heart of the Fire Nation's family palace. It had a nearby turtle-duck pond and ancient trees that bloomed beautifully.
She was currently kneeling on the grass with her nose pressed against it when a pair of shoes came into her vision. She looked up and saw Zuko standing before her with his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing his royal robes and had his hair done up wearing a regal crown holding his short hair up. He finally looked like the perfect prince he had always wanted to be.
"What are you doing?" He asked with an arched eyebrow.
She was sick of fighting and as much as she hated to admit it Ember Island had really helped in getting rid of all of that pent-up tension and anger the two had been carrying.
"Your sister has me looking for an eight-leaf clover," she rolled her eyes. Zuko let out what sounded like a humorous huff.
"You'll never find it."
"Nothing is impossible," she said optimistically and leaned back on her hands looking up to meet his gaze.
"Aren't you supposed to be at the war meeting?" She asked.
He slightly jerked in surprise "War meeting? What are you talking about?"
"Oh?" She brushed her hair out of her face a habit she had now formed. "Azula's at a war meeting. It's supposed to take all day long, which is why she has me here… doing this… I assumed you'd be there we well you know preparing for the day of the black sun."
"I guess I wasn't invited," he muttered bitterly and looked off to the side his jaw clenching slightly.
"Where did you say my sister was?"
xxx
Zuko clenched his jaw as he stalked into the Royal spa, where Azula was getting her hair done.
"Hello, Zuzu." Azula cooed without opening her eyes as two servant girls combed her hair in the water, "If you've come for a royal hair-combing, I'm afraid you'll have to wait."
Zuko ignored her as he came to stop a few feet from the spa, "So I guess there's a big war meeting coming up, huh? And apparently I'm not welcome there."
"What do you mean?" Azula asked with false interest as she opened her eyes, "Of course you're welcome there!"
"Oh yeah?! I guess that's why no one bothered to tell me about it!"
The Fire Nation princess sighed in exasperation, "Oh Zuko, don't be so dramatic. I'm certain Dad wants you there." A smile twitched at the corner of her lips as she closed her eyes again, "You probably just weren't invited because it's so obvious you're supposed to be there."
"Well, were you invited?" Zuko asked, trying to keep his voice neutral but failing.
"Of course!" Azula laughed lightly, "I'm the princess."
"And I'm the prince!"
"Exactly," She chided smugly, "So stop acting like a paranoid child! Just go to the meeting."
"Forget it!" He barked angrily as he spun on his heel and began walking away, "I'm not going!"
Xxx
Tsai lay on the lawn toying with a clover she had found. However, it did not have eight leaves that Azula had demanded. She had rolled over and was gazing up at the cloudy sky.
This had always been one of her favorite things to do. Simply lay in nature and take in the warmth of the sun, the scents of the outdoors, the sound of the birds chirping-
"Give up so soon?"
That was not a bird. She opened her eyes and saw Zuko standing where he had been only some moments ago. Knowing his body language. He looked aggravated.
"I'm taking a break," she said bringing the clover to her nose.
"Fine, take a break with me then," he asked.
"No," she rolled over so she wouldn't have to look at him. "Don't waste your breath. I already told you to leave me alone."
"I need to talk to you." Was all he said his tone was serious.
She looked at him with a questioning look really not wanting to talk about them. As far as she knew that was over.
"It's not about that." He groaned. She turned to look at him with concern. "What about your girlfriend?" She asked snidely.
Some moments later Zuko and Tsai sat under the same tree by the turtle duck pond where he had once sat with his mother all those years ago. The spot made him melancholic and only worsened his mood. Some moments ago, he had sent a servant on an errand.
"They are so cute," She leaned over and looked at the turtle ducks lovingly. It was as if a dagger was being twisted on his heart.
"I used to feed the turtle ducks with my mother," he suddenly said.
Tsai paused for a moment. The smile wiped off her face immediately. Zuko had never spoken to her about his mother before. Now that she thought of it, she had never heard anything about the Fire Lady. She now guessed the woman was out of the picture…
"She disappeared the day my grandfather died, and my father became Fire Lord. That day my life changed…" He said solemnly. "To this day I don't know where she is or if she's even alive, but I know I'll find her someday," he spoke determined looking away from her. Right… The way he felt about her mother, that's how she felt about her brother. She was more than familiar with that feeling.
"I know my father knows where she is, but he won't tell. Hell, he won't even have me at his war meetings." He said bitterly. "You were right, when you said my father doesn't want me? Back in Ba Sing Se."
"I said a lot of things in Ba Sing Se," she mused, raising both her brows awkwardly. She hugged her knees and looked at him resting her head on them.
"It's just a meeting Zuko, big deal." She rolled her eyes.
"Prince," a servant said placing a basket next to them and bowing down lightly before retreating.
"Here," he said handing him a basket with some loaves of bread.
He handed her a loaf of bread she took it and said thank you before taking it in her hands and taking a bite.
"It's not for you," He couldn't help but let out a rare laugh. "It's for the turtle ducks."
"Oh," she let out sheepishly and couldn't help but smile a little. She couldn't help it. She was always hungry. Specially now living the life of a servant. She tore off a piece and threw it at the pond.
In exchange he leaned his back against the tree and taking a loaf of bread began lazily tossing bits of bread at the ducks who now swam closer in the edge of the pond.
"This is nice," she spoke. "Us. Being… friends," she said after a moment. "Yeah," he smiled back a little bit.
"I still don't think I'll ever forgive you," she said darkly after a moment making the faint smile on his lips vanish.
He averted his gaze from hers, feeling a pang of guilt on his chest.
"Why? My sister still treats you better than she treats me." He rolled his eyes.
"Right, I'm stuck here while Iroh rots in a jail cell." She said coldly.
"Tsai," he said lowering his head. "I don't know what's right or wrong anymore. Everything I once believed in- I'm not sure what to think. I have nightmares that keep me away at night. Two dragons tug and pull at me… And I found out-" He paused for a moment. "I talked to my uncle. Sozin might've been my great-grandfather but so was Avatar Roku."
Her eyes went wide at the revelation.
"He said that evil and good are always at war inside of me. It's in my nature. It's my legacy."
Well.…that was loaded.
"So what are you going to do?" She asked turning away from him. He was silent. "I.. I don't know."
Again, there was that heavy silence between them.
"My grandfather would say that there is good and evil in all of us. Or a good dragon and a bad dragon. He would say that who we become depends on what dragon we choose to feed."
A strong wind blew by.
"So which one are you feeding?"
He looked at her wise beyond her years. There was still that faint smile on her face. "Also, about my grandfather. You're right. I still haven't come to term with it... With his passing. I miss him." She said sadly. He saw the way her hand reached for her neck and suddenly his uncle's words sounded in his head.
"Let her go. If she doesn't come back it was never meant to be.""Here," he said slowly.
She turned to face him and saw him fishing something out of his pocket. She let out a small gasp when he fished out a sunstone hanging of a long golden chain. It was her family's necklace! The chain was different, but the stone was the same round orange one.
"Azula broke it," he sounded apologetic enough about it.
"How?" She looked at him in shock asking more about how he had the sunstone more than how his sister had broken it.
"I.…" He said slowly. "I couldn't say goodbye, but I also couldn't bear leaving without you. So, I took it from you. As the Blue Spirit."
"And you just carry it around?!" Her tone became rougher, angrier. He still held the necklace in his hands in her direction.
All this time he had just been carrying it around in his pocket like just that? It was then that she suddenly felt a deep sorrow.
"You know what.." She softened her tone. "Keep it." She said taking his hand in hers and closing it over the family heirloom.
"What?" He asked shocked.
"Really. Keep it. It's yours."
"But Tsai- it's yours. your grandfather gave it to you."
He looked at her hands in disbelief. He couldn't believe she was giving her the last trace of her family. Her identity. A bit of her soul. Her most cherished possession. He saw her eyes becoming glassy.
"Congratulations," she said. "You have everything you've always wanted." There was a small smile on her face.
"No," he said softly. "Not everything…" His golden eyes looked at her with a melting intensity she had never witnessed before.
"I guess not." She responded with glassy eyes as tears welled up threatening to break the dam of her eyes. With that she stood up and began walking away before the tears threaten to spill.
"Prince Zuko," The servant interrupted respectfully as he dropped to one knee and bowed his head interrupting "Everyone's waiting for you."
Zuko stared at the auburn-haired girl's retreating figure. He looked at her, the heirloom on his hand and back to the servant.
"The high admirals, the high generals, the war ministers, and the princess have all arrived." The servant replied without lifting his head, "You're the only person missing."
"So," Zuko frowned slightly, "My dad wants me at the meeting?"
"The Fire Lord said he would not start until you arrived, sir."
A smile pulled at his face. He turned towards the girl and saw that she was the distance she had formed between them.
"Would you look at that," she bent down. "An eight-leaf clover…"
xxx
Zuko attended his father's meeting. A meeting in which they discussed the strategy for the incoming attack that would happen during the solar eclipse.
He looked down at the necklace which he wore under his robes. The thin chain creeping around the edges of his neck. He could feel it resting against his chest. It was a heavy burden.
Everybody welcomed him when he went to the meeting. It was unbelievable. Even his father had saved him a seat next to him. He was literally at his father's right hand. The most prestigious seat in the entire meeting. Even closer than Azula. He was finally the perfect prince. The heir to the throne. The son that Ozai had always wanted. He had everything he had always wanted…
But.…it wasn't him…