a/n: 2 in one week?! enjoy and review!

Winter

"I need to talk to Emily."

Jacob barely had time to react as Leah came bursting into his bedroom, no regard for whether or not he was busy, naked or both. Her eyes barely registered his wet chest and arms or the towel lazily hanging from his waist.

Barely.

"What the hell? No!" he shook his head, trying to cover himself up more. "Also do you mind?!"

"What do you mean no?" She ignored his shock and shook her head, walking in and plopping on to his seat in the corner. He growled through clenched teeth and with one hand, gently grabbed her and pushed her towards the door, his other hand holding on to his towel. He slammed the door in her face and she huffed, turning around. "Wha-" She was expecting resistance, especially since she hadn't even thought out this plan enough to satisfy her own skepticism but after her meeting with Debra, she knew she needed answered before everything else. "Jake! Come on, what do you mean no?"

"I mean no. I'm not about to help you murder a pregnant woman."

She stepped forward and groaned loudly, leaning against his door. "I'm not gonna kill her. I just need to talk."

"You need to talk to her like I need a bullet in the head," he called from the other side of the door.

"Jake, come on!" she stomped her feet. "Look I just need her number or something that's it. I deserve to speak to-" He cut her off, opening the door, fully dressed and a towel scrubbing to dry his still dripping, black hair. She gently inhaled the clean scent wafting from him and cleared her throat, a reminder to stay on task. Leah lowered her voice. "I deserve to speak to the woman who is having my dead fiance's kid. You can't protect her from me forever."

Jacob scoffed and turned around, tossing his towel on his bed and she followed him. "You think I'm protecting her?! I'm protecting you, okay."

"I don't need you to protect me," she rolled her eyes. "I can handle it."

"I'm not too sure about that."

"I can! Look all this bullshit has been sprung upon me. I had no say in any of it. Not finding out Sam was married, not meeting Emily, not even finding out she was pregnant. I want a say Jake and despite your lack of confidence in me, I know that I can handle this."

Jacob turned around, his eyes focused on her and sighed. "It's not that I don't trust that you can handle this Leah, I just.. I don't think that Emily will answer your questions the way you want her to."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you might hear shit you aren't ready for and that's a rabbit hole you can't really jump back out of once you're in it, okay?"

"Jake, I wasn't ready for any of this. But I want to do this on my terms. So either be my friend and give me her number or I will find her on my own."

He looked up, his eyes piercing and intense in thought before he sighed and grabbed his phone from his side table. "If I give you this and you kill her…"

"Why do you keep assuming I'll kill her?" Leah scoffed.

"Because she and Sam were messing around not that long ago. I'm sure you'd do it if she weren't pregnant."

Leah didn't want to admit that he was right and instead crossed her arms. "Well she is and I wont do anything," she said, feeling her phone vibrate.

"There," he sighed. "Take your contact and get out of my room, I need to finish getting ready."

SHe looked down at her phone and made sure she had the right message before looking up and frowning. "Yeah where are you going? You smell good."

He raised a playful eyebrow. "I smell good?"

"Shut up, you know what I mean," she recovered.

"No I don't think I do Leah, please tell me what you meant," he smirked, a devious glint in his eye. When she didn't bite, he gave up and grabbed his watch from his dresser. "If you must know, I'm grabbing dinner with someone."

"Who?"

"Someone."

Leah understood. "Does that someone's name rhyme with smella swan?"

"Nunya," he bit back a smile.

Leah went and took a seat at the edge of his bed, watching as he silently clipped his watch. "Jake?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something without you flipping your shit?"

"Probably not but I'm sure you're going to anyway."

Leah nervously chewed the inside of her cheek and stared at her friend. It was what they'd become now. Friends. He'd been kinder than she deserved and he was more loyal than she had expected. So as her friend, she was obligated to look out for him, even when he wouldn't look out for himself. "Why do you still see Bella?" He froze, mid swipe of his hair and looked at her through his mirror but didn't speak. "I know she's a sore spot and I know she's complicated to talk about but Jake, there's nothing complicated about the fact that she's a married woman."

"Unhappily," he muttered finally.

"Jake…"

He turned around, resting on his dresser and shook his head. "You think I don't know what everyone thinks? What the guys think? You think I don't see the side glances when I mention I'm going out or that she's in town? I know okay. I know what it looks like."

"But you still do it?"

"It's complicated," he snapped.

"Uncomplicate it for me."

He glared, not wanting to answer her questions and she glared back, determined to understand the lore of Bella Swan.

Jacob sighed and took a seat next to her on his bed, his hands clasped as they rested on his knees. "Growing up, I only knew that love was pain. My mom died, my dad never got over it. So when I met Bella it was like this explosion of something I didn't understand but I was obsessed with. She needed me. Even when she didn't explicitly say it, it was like I could see the times when she needed me. And when she didn't need me or want me for that matter… I dunno, I just spiraled. I swore to never let anyone get that close, except for her. SHe was the only one that could make me spiral and I thought when she got married, I might be done with her for good but then she came back one Christmas and it was like nothing had changed." He glanced down at his hands. "It's not like I enjoy sleeping with a woman I know is married."

"Then why do it? Jake, first loves are unforgettable, I get it. But you deserve better."

"It's not as easy as just forgetting how I feel about her. Or forgetting that when she's with me, I know she's happier and that I can keep her that way. Her husband is some big hot shot from Seattle and he doesn't have time for her. He doesn't make her happy the way I do."

For the first time while talking about Bella, Leah could see just how attached to this woman Jacob was. He would drop anything for her and she was sure that to Bella, Jacob was just a convenient lay when she was in town. "So why all the other women? Why be with them if you're so in love with Bella?" Leah asked.

"They don't mean anything. I let those women know right off the bat that I'm not looking for a wife and they respect that, the same way they respect that I'm no one's husband." Jacob rubbed his hands on his jeans and stood. "Like I said, it's complicated."

Leah watched him start to put on his boots and stood up to leave his room but stopped to glance over her shoulder.

"Hey Jake."

"Yeah?"

"Once you told me that Sam didn't deserve me. I was so mad about all of this crap ya know. Between the lies and the baby, I was so mad but I found myself deep down, being mad that you said that. I realized that I was mad because the idea that I deserved more than Sam meant that there was this unknown love that I did deserve and I was terrified because I didn't think a love greater than the one I'd felt with Sam, even built on lies, was even possible. Hell I still don't know if it's possible but I want to believe it. I wanna believe that one day, when I'm not dealing with this drama anymore, that I'll find someone who won't lie to me and will share every part of themselves with me. Just because it's your first love, doesn't mean it's real love."

He stared at her, his gaze hard and unmoving, as if he wanted to say something but had no words. She didn't need him to say anything. She'd bared a part of herself to him that she'd kept tight to her chest just to help him. Because what she'd said wasn't a lie. She did think he deserved better and she knew it wasn't Bella. He just needed time to realize it, just like she had with Sam.