Chapter 34
"I'm sorry?", Hotch asked.
"I asked you what the hell you're doin'.", Carson said. "Haley just left. And I know you didn't just now get together with Emily. I know this has been going on for a while.", he eyed Hotch.
"I didn't expect for this to happen.", Hotch said.
"Of course you didn't. I know you. But this also isn't like you. I mean, how long has this been going on? I know you love her and I know she loves you. That doesn't just happen overnight.", Carson said.
"It's not that simple.", Hotch sighed.
"So explain it to me.", Carson said.
"The moment she stepped into my office that first day... it was weird. I don't know, I couldn't believe she was there. It was more of a "Wow, it's been so long... how are you and your mother?" type of thing. But the second time she came in, a few days later, I felt something I couldn't really explain. I ignored it until one night I was walking her to her car. We were talking about our childhoods and stupid things like our hobbies and favorite books. And the way she made me smile... no one ever makes me smile like that. And then something touched a nerve and she started crying. I wiped the tears off her face and I honestly thought I was going to kiss her. I might've if my phone hadn't rang. I called her later and we talked for hours. Later on, I eventually kissed her and things just changed between us. We were on a case out of town, we went out to eat, went to the beach, made out. I felt like a teenager again, falling in love. It's been on and off, no label, things just happening here and there for almost a year. We've known how wrong it was... She even tried dating someone else but...", Hotch trailed off, shaking his head.
"But what?", Carson asked.
"But one night in my office, she told me a lot of things about... her feelings and... missing me. I didn't respond and I let her walk away. I apologized later and she kissed me. She pulled back, knowing it was a mistake because nothing had changed. She was still with her boyfriend and I was still technically with Haley. But later that night, we were on a case and she came to my hotel room right when I opened the door to go to hers. Our minds were just connected. Without saying anything, she walked in my room and it just happened.", Hotch explained.
"That was the first time?", Carson asked.
"Yeah... and it was amazing. It wasn't just sex. It was passionate and in the moment. That was the first time I told her I love her. Being with her in the moment… I stopped everything we were doing and let the words just come out of my mouth. I was so nervous when she was silent at first. But then she told me she loved me too... That's when I knew I couldn't live without her. After all these years of being away from her and now being re-connected, as you said... I can't ignore it. I'm just so in love with this woman. I'm not saying I was any less with Haley... but it's just different with Emily, you know? I almost died in her arms and she saved my life. She literally pressed her hand against the GSW on my neck and stayed with me in the ambulance and hospital. I can't stop letting her know how much I love her everyday. And knowing she feels the same way... I just-", Hotch said, lightly laughing and scratching the back of his head.
"I'm happy for you man. I really am. And I like Emily, a lot. She seems amazing, especially for you. I definitely see a connection that's been there for more than a year or whatever. But... what about Haley?", Carson asked.
"Things have been over long before Emily came back around and before she left me. Not that that's an excuse for what's been happening between me and Emily during this whole time but I wasn't happy. I mean Haley and I barely spoke, all we did was fight, we weren't happy anymore. I even think the last time we had sex was when Jack was conceived... who I'm still going to see all the time. We're going to do joint custody. I think I'm getting an apartment soon. Haley is staying with her sister in the meantime. Also, it was my job that finally set everything off. So many things weren't working and for a long time. And Emily isn't as affected by that as Haley was and she understands it because she has the same job.", Hotch went on.
"Well what else is different about Emily?", Carson asked.
"What's not different?", Hotch said.
Carson stared at him and nodded silently. He looked up and smiled when Emily finally came back. She placed her hand on Hotch's shoulder and brought it down to rub his back.
"Here you go, hun.", Hotch said, handing Emily her glass of champagne back. She blushed at him calling her "hun" for the first time.
"Thanks.", she said sweetly. She took a sip and put her arm on his upper back, pressed against him as he put his arm around her lower back.
Carson stood there looking at them with a smile on his face. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back. Don't move!", he told them, pointing at them both.
When he walked away, Emily and Hotch looked at each other. "So, did he try to hit on you any more when I was outside?", he asked.
She laughed, "No, actually. We mainly talked about art and then... about you.", she said.
"Oh? Guess I should've seen that coming. What about me?", he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Just why I'm "drawn" to you, if I love you, talked about how you almost died in my arms and practically risked your life for me and that's how I know that you do love me. All that typical stuff.", she laughed. "I really like him though. He said he'd love to get together sometime soon and actually do something.", she said.
"Yeah, I'd like that. It's nice to be able to be together around someone we know.", he said.
"I'm assuming he knows about Haley...", she said, taking another sip of her drink.
"Yeah, he does... He was a bit surprised about you but we talked about us and how I didn't just jump into something with you. And how you're so much more to me than anybody who I would have just started seeing... because I didn't. And how much I love you. In fact, I kind of went on and on...", he chuckled.
"So he doesn't hate me?", she asked.
"No, Em. No, of course not. He said he really likes you and you seem like an amazing woman, especially for me.", he said.
"Really?", she smiled.
"Yes, really. Besides, how could anyone hate you?", he said, squeezing her tight, pulling her into him more, and giving her a kiss on her head.
"You guys actually listened and didn't move. Wonderful.", Carson said, walking up to them, carrying a camera. "Let me get a couple pictures of you two... old school.", he said, holding up the old fashion looking camera.
"No wayyy.", Hotch said, pointing to the camera. "You still have that?", he asked.
"Of course I do. It's a classic. I could never get rid of it.", Carson said.
"I'm sorry, am I missing something?", Emily laughed.
"Back when we were in law school together, we would go all around the city at night. Sometimes long drives out to absolutely nowhere but areas that were just beautiful like the woods with amazing wildlife and other parts of nature. We would take this 1976 Nikon with us everywhere we went and bring extra film along with us to capture it all. We had some crazy times back then.", Hotch chuckled.
"You know, I still have a bunch of that film. I never got a lot of them processed if you guys want to take a look at them after you're done here.", Carson said.
Emily and Hotch looked at each other to see what the other one thought before looking back at Carson.
"We'd love to!", Emily said.
"Awesome. I live right up the block in those lofts. I've got this old bottle of scotch I've been dying to try.", Carson said.
"Sounds great.", Hotch said.
"Alright! Well, now, scoot back a foot and look right here.", he said, pointing the camera at them.
They were still pressed against one another's sides with their arms around each other. They smiled and Carson snapped a shot on the camera. He turned the dial to load it to the next piece of film. "One more.", he said.
This time Hotch brought his head down and slightly placed his lips on Emily's head while she brought her hand, still holding the champagne, to his chest. Carson pressed the button and got another picture.
When he brought the camera down, Emily and Hotch both moved their heads to bring their lips together. They felt normal that night, being able to even just kiss around other people, be on a real date, not have to pretend like he's just her boss.
"These'll turn out really nice. I'm gonna go set this down and you guys take a walk around more. Just come find me when you're done and we'll head to my place.", Carson said.
"Sounds like a plan.", Hotch said before Carson walked away.
They kept going around the different sections of the gallery, enjoying their time out. A caterer eventually came around to take their empty glasses. Hotch didn't take his hand off her for one minute, savoring each one that he got to do it.
"Everything here tonight is so beautiful.", she said, staring at a painting.
"Not as beautiful as you.", he said, turning to face her until she looked up at him.
"Aw, sweet, but cheesy line, hun.", she smiled when she put the emphasis on the last part.
"It's true. You're the most beautiful thing I've seen all night, without a doubt. And... I'm sorry about that earlier. Calling you that and all. It just came out.", he said.
"Don't be. That's also sweet.", she told him, placing her hand on his face.
He smiled and placed a kiss on her lips. He pulled his lips away from hers to smile and rubbed her back. He stretched his arm, pushing his sleeve up to look at his watch. The gallery was closing soon and most people had left.
"You ready to head out?", he asked.
"Sure, let's go find Carson.", she said.
They saw him across the room and headed over towards him.
"Hey, you guys ready?", Carson asked.
"Whenever you are.", Hotch said.
"Let me just grab my things.", Carson said, heading towards the back.
When the three of them got to Carson's loft, he went to the kitchen and opened a bottle of scotch and poured three glasses. He handed Emily and Hotch their own and and grabbed one for himself. He walked them into his studio area with his dark room, where he did all his mixing and processing for his artwork and prints.
He turned the bright white light on inside a table shining through the translucent top. The red lights hanging for when he made prints were already on, still dim in the room.
Carson grabbed a box and pulled out rolls of film and laid them on the table.
The light on it was shining through the film making the pictures on them visible. They gathered around to look at each one.
"Oh my god, Aaron! What are you wearing?", Emily laughed, pointing to one of the pictures on the roll.
"It was the 80's! That was what, like 1984?", Hotch asked, looking at Carson who nodded.
"Yeah, so you would've still been in like high school, Em.", Hotch said.
"Still, I knew fashion. Probably better than that!", she said.
After a while, Carson pulled out another roll and laid it out on the table. "These are from that one weekend we went camping in '86. Remember? The car broke down on the way there so we had to stay an extra day.", Carson said.
"No! Don't show her those!", Hotch said.
"What! Why? I want to see them. Come on, Carson, show me.", she batted her eyes at him, knowing he would. She used flirting to get a lot of small things like that and it worked.
"She wants to see 'em man.", he said.
"Oh god. I hope you don't take off after looking at those.", Hotch said.
Emily leaned over and looked at all the pictures of them in the woods. Some of them holding an axe and splitting wood. Some of them starting a campfire. Some of them on a hike. Some of them swimming in the lake.
"Oh my god, Aaron. Were you skinny dipping?!", she asked, covering her mouth in shock and hiding her laughter.
Hotch brought his hand to cover his eyes, partially in embarrassment, partially in annoyance.
"Great, thank you for that.", he said looking at Carson who was dying of laughter.
"You two were pretty wild back then, huh?", she asked Hotch, looking up at him with a smile.
"You could say that, yeah.", he chuckled.
"Oh, I'll get some of these processed if you'd like, along with the ones of you two from tonight at the gallery. I'll make some prints of them.", Carson said.
"Thank you! That'd be really nice.", Emily smiled.
"Maybe not the ones of me skinny dipping but the ones of me and Emily, would be great.", Hotch said chuckling.
While they were going through more rolls of film and telling stories, they got into more conversation.
"So, Carson, what made you want to leave your whole career to become an artist? I mean, your work is great and it's amazing that you're doing what you love and are good at but what made you stop?", she asked.
"I just felt a natural calling for art. I didn't feel that much for being a lawyer. I was good at that and I liked the idea of being able to put the bad guys away and all but I didn't enjoy it. I felt like a lot of people could do it but not everybody can just do what I do now. There's way fewer people out there that follow their dreams and I wanted to try mine.", he said.
"That's really admirable. I think you probably made the right decision then.", she smiled.
"Thank you. Besides, I get to wear much cooler outfits like this. Just jeans and a shirt, all that casual stuff.", he laughed. "What made you decide to leave Interpol? I know you mentioned that's where you were at before. Why did you want to join the BAU?", he asked.
Her initial thought was, Ian Doyle because he really fucked up my life and I didn't want to do any of the same stuff I did with him again. But she tried to find a better excuse, still feeling uncomfortable discussing it. She hadn't even talked about her work history with Hotch yet, except for those moments he was there when she cried about it or something triggered her and she needed his comfort.
"Oh, uh- you know, I just... I don't really know why. But I'm glad I did because I love my job now and it put Aaron back in my life too.", she smiled, touching Hotch's chest, who smiled in response.
"That's a huge change too though. Interpol is a very impressive place to be at in your career. To just change fields like that...", Carson said.
She bit down on her lip to keep from starting to tear up and because of how nervous it made her talking about it. Thinking about it always triggered her to get upset for so many different reasons.
"You know, she never really talks about it at all, even with me.", Hotch told Carson. "I mean I have no idea what you even did back there, Em.", he said.
"Nothing too crazy or that impressive, really.", she said, hoping her vague answer would be enough to tell them to change the subject and move on.
"I highly doubt that. You probably did a lot of traveling all over the world. Did you have any cool undercover operations or something?", Carson asked.
"You must've done some crazy stuff.", Hotch said to Emily. "I mean this one here...", he pointed to Emily, "...is so calm under pressure. And so many things don't even phase her.", he told Carson.
"Remember that one case, where JJ asked you how you do it? Because you're always so collected and seem like you don't let anything get to you? Your answer was because you guess you're just better at compartmentalizing than others.", Hotch laughed.
"Well, it's true.", Emily said almost impatiently. She took a sip of her drink and finished it. "Carson, you said you have an awesome vinyl selection. Mind if we check it out?", she said, trying to distract them.
"Oh yeah, I've got all The Doors and some Jimi Hendrix albums but I got lots of 80's too.", he said as they walked out of the dark room, into the living room. "Need me to top off that drink?", he asked her.
"Yeah, I'll take one more, thanks.", she said, handing him her glass.
Hotch stepped in front of her and took a sip from his own drink. "I'm so sorry you had to see those.", he laughed.
"Are you kidding? I loved it. I know I'm probably one of the only people who gets to see the happy, fun side of you because you're always so serious at work. But it was still nice to see that you weren't always that way. Looking at how happy you were then. You were so cute.", she giggled.
"Oh! And I'm not now?", he asked.
"No, you're still adorable!", she laughed.
"You were just so cute then. So much younger and doing some wild things. You looked so happy and free.", she said. "And that hair...", she raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I don't really miss that.", he said.
"I don't really miss mine from the 80's either.", she laughed.
"Alright, here ya go.", Carson said, handing Emily her drink. They walked over to the record player and put on Louder Than Bombs by The Smiths.
After listening to more music and catching up with each other, they realized how late it was and decided to head out.
"Hey, I think we're gonna head out. It's pretty late and we got work tomorrow...", Hotch said.
"Oh yeah, of course. Go home, get some rest.", Carson said, walking them to the door.
Carson gave Hotch a big hug and then turned to Emily and gave her one too.
"Emily, it was lovely to meet you. Let's get together again soon. I'm free pretty much anytime. Maybe if you're not out of town or on a case, next weekend might work?", he asked.
"Sounds good. We'll plan on it for now but I'll let you know if we have to leave before then.", Hotch said.
"Can't wait. Thanks again for coming tonight, you guys. Drive safe, alright?", Carson said.
"Alright man, it was good to see you.", Hotch said.
"It was wonderful meeting you, have a goodnight.", Emily said, flashing him a huge smile.
They walked downstairs and once they got outside, Hotch stopped. He turned in front of Emily and grabbed her, pulling her in for a kiss.
"I'm glad we could do this tonight. It felt nice being a normal couple out in public.", he said.
"I had a lot of fun. And speaking of which... you introduced me as your girlfriend. Was that just to make him back off when he was flirting with me or...?", she trailed off.
"Well there was that, but also because you are. I mean, I guess we haven't really talked about that but it doesn't seem like we aren't or that we're something else... I'm sorry. Should I not have said that?", he asked.
"I'm glad you did.", she smiled, wrapping her arms around his lower back and planting her lips on his.
"Mmmm. Good. Because I like the way it sounds and the fact that you're mine.", he smiled.
"Well you don't own me.", she laughed.
"No. But I like being the only one who gets to kiss you and make love to you and have evenings and dates like this with you and fall asleep at night next to you. I do like that.", he said, smiling at her.
"I like that too.", she grinned, moving in for another kiss with his hand on her back and the other on her face.
He raised his eyebrows and changed his tone of voice to seductive. "So, what do you say we go back to my house and-", his phone ringing cut him off. He sighed and pulled it out of the inside of his suit pocket.
"Hotchner.", he answered. "Right now?... Alright, I'll be there in about 20 minutes.", he said, hanging up.
"We got a case."Emily said, disappointed, not even asking because she knew by now whenever he got a phone call like that and used that voice, it was always a case.
"Yeah...", he sighed.
She stood there, waiting, knowing she was about to get a call too. Once she did and hung up, they both sighed.
"Alright, well, I guess I'll just have to say I went out with some friends or something. I don't have time to go home and change.", she said.
"You look way too fancy to have just gone out with some friends.", he said.
"Okay well, how about I just tell them the truth?", she said.
"What?! Emily...", he said.
"Not the whole truth!", she laughed. "God, Aaron. You really think I'd do that?", she giggled. "No, I mean I'll say I went out on a blind date or something. And you can say you were at an art gallery for a show your friend had some work in. That way you're not completely lying either.", she said.
"Won't they ask you questions about this blind date you had.", he said.
"Not if I tell them I'm not going to see him again because he was really dull, no fun, a bad kisser...", she teased.
"I really hope you don't finish that sentence and that none of those things are actually true.", he said.
"I don't know. Why don't you show me?", she said, pulling him closer and biting her lip, smiling. He laughed and slowly brought his lips to hers.
"Alright, I guess I will have to lie about a couple things.", she said.
"Damn right.", he said.
They both laughed and let go of each other, interlacing their fingers with one another's and walked the rest of the way back to his car.
They got in and drove to the BAU, nervous about people getting there before them and risking being seen with each other.
Once they got to the parking lot, they looked around to make sure no one was nearby. "There goes our night of whatever you had in mind back there.", she said.
"At least we got to finish our date this time.", he told her.
"True but I didn't get to do everything I wanted tonight...", she smirked.
"You can't talk like that here. You know how crazy you make me.", he said.
"That's why I do it.", she giggled.
"I'm getting out now.", he said, shutting her down.
"Awww come on.", she said following him.
She wanted to grab onto his arm but kept her hands away from him. This would be an interesting first case as a couple. They thought. Being out of town together, at a hotel, around other people.
They both couldn't help but wonder if the same thing that happened that one night the last time, would happen again.