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A little heads-up: This chapter contains scenes that you may find disturbing.

Chapter 19

I hurried along a dark and narrow alley. The full moon fortunately let me to see enough not to stumble over the litter on the floor. There was a rustling to my left and I flinched when I saw a very fat rat hasten away.

Did I have a specific destination? I couldn't remember. I should go back to my uncle. He was probably already wondering where I was. You shouldn't tempt my uncle. You never knew what state he was in. And during the full moon, he oftentimes stayed up late and drank too much.

I stopped, hesitating. I didn't have the faintest idea where I was. A pearl of cold sweat ran down my spine. How was I to find my way back if I didn't even know where I was?

"Isabella," said a familiar voice.

Looking up, I squinted at the dim alleyway. Someone was standing a few meters ahead of me. The person stepped forward and unveiled a breathtaking smile. It was Edward!

"I will bring you to your uncle," he said and held his hand out to me, invitingly. I mirrored his smile, moved towards him and tried to take his hand.

As soon as I had come within arm's length, he pushed me away violently. My chest aching, I stumbled back against a hard wall. Gasping for breath and bewildered, I tried to catch his gaze. He was still showing that angelic smile of his, completely unfazed. Why had he pushed me?

He was steadily approaching me, his eyes fixed on me. He was starting to remind me of an animal of prey, assessing its victim before attacking.

This was nonsense! I trusted Edward.

Then he was in front of me, his body close to mine, pressing my back further against the wall. I could feel its little dents and holes.

"Edward…," I whispered. Why was he hurting me?

A moment later, his lips crashed upon mine and intuitively, my arms surrounded him and drew him closer to me while I returned the kiss. This was exactly what I had dreamed of for so long! A deep and content growl was my reply. His hands wandered greedily across my body. I tried to get some air, but his lips didn't give me any chance. He was sealing my mouth with his kiss and his fingers dug deep into my flesh. My dress tore.

I tried to fend him off, but his hands kept me in place.

"Edward," I murmured against his lips.

His answer was a groan. Something was off. His hands were so warm that I could feel their heat through my dress. At the places where he had ripped my dress, they felt hot. This didn't seem right.

Suddenly, there was a draft and then my dress was gone. Almost painfully, Edward's lips travelled down my throat and further down.

"No, Edward, don't," I pleaded and tried to push him off me more vigorously. He was too strong for me.

"Oh darling," he panted at my breast.

Since when did he call me that? A tear ran down my cheek and I sobbed. There was no escaping him. I thought I could trust him.

A musty smell penetrated my nose. Not only did Edward feel strange, his scent was odd too. I couldn't remember ever having smelled this disgusting mix of alcohol and cigarettes around him. In my memory, he smelled heavenly.

"Stop it Edward! I don't want to!" I screamed louder now. This could not be happening again! I grabbed for his hair and pulled as forcefully as I could. Edward growled and then my hands were pinned down above my head. Apparently, he only needed one hand to do so because a second later, I felt his hand at my most intimate spot. His fingers entered me.

I screamed as loudly as I could. And tore my eyes open to wake up from this terrible nightmare, drenched in sweat.

Only that this was no dream. The feeling of endless relief upon waking up evaporated quickly and gave way to utter terror when I realized a heavy weight on top of my body.

"Oh, you little whore," Mr Thurgood grunted into my ear and slapped his hand across my mouth as I began screaming with all I had. I gagged when I tasted his sweaty skin.

"Screaming won't get you anywhere. You're only wearing out my patience, sweety." He was slurring his words in a very bad way.

Shaking all over, I gulped down air and looked down. The places that were not hidden by Mr Thurgood's massive body were still covered by my night gown. Thank God! When I felt something move between my legs however, I screamed anew.

This, I hadn't dreamed. It hurt like hell when he began to move his hand. I sobbed.

"Don't make a fuss now! I know you liked it when I started. You moaned like the dirty little slut you are!"

I shook my head violently and tried again to get away from him. I just didn't have the strength. Mr Thurgood lifted himself up a bit and, to my utter desperation, fumbled for the button of his trousers.

"No!" I shrieked and clawed at his face. The skin tore underneath my nails, but I didn't have time to feel satisfaction. "Let go of me, you disgusting creep!"

This obviously angered him since he yelled and grabbed for my hands again to pin them down on the pillow. A sharp pain drove through my left arm. I hoped that it was only dislodged and nothing worse had happened.

His calloused hand pushed up my night gown so that my belly lay free now. I could feel something hard against my hip. My vision seemed to deteriorate. I felt sick to my stomach. He surely wouldn't dare to take advantage of me? Without even having to think about it, I immediately knew the answer to that question. Of course he would.

With disgusting sounds that made my hair stand on ends, Mr Thurgood began rubbing himself against me. I was shaking and crying so much that I could only see his blurred contours.

"You know, there's nothing I'd rather do than fucking you senseless. The only thing keeping me from it," he trailed off, groaning. I shut my eyes, trying to blend it all out.

"The only thing keeping me from it," he repeated, "is Edward's fine nose. He would smell it immediately."

I imagined being at a white, untouched beach, distanced from all civilization. I tried to see the crystal-clear sea, to smell the breeze. But as much as I wanted to escape to this far away place, I couldn't. Mr Thurgood's moans, that were coming more frequently and shorter now, kept me tied to the present.

"From the day after tomorrow onwards, we will have lots of fun," he groaned and thrust faster against my stomach.

I clenched my teeth, tears running down my cheeks.

"Edward won't be here to watch you then," he added and a cloud of foul breath hit my face. I tried not to vomit.

It felt like a freezing hand had grabbed my heart and squeezed it hard. What did he mean by that? Why wouldn't Edward be here?

Mr Thurgood suddenly seemed capable to read thoughts as well.

"He will be visiting his family in Vermont. And you will be all mine. For the whole week. From morning," he thrust against me even harder than before, "until night."

He stopped moving and collapsed on top of me, moaning in extasy.

Something sticky and warm spread across my stomach. I couldn't hold it back anymore and threw up. With a distorted expression on his face, Mr Thurgood pushed himself up and slapped me across my cheek. I cried and, now that his weight was gone, mobilized all my power to crawl to the other end of the bed, as far away from this monster as possible. My body was shaking so much and I felt like I had to throw up again.

"You ungrateful bitch! Clean that up before Edward comes back, otherwise you won't be seeing the light of tomorrow! I will teach you some manners," he snarled and tried to button up his trousers again, his movements uncoordinated.

Swaying, he left the room. I had thrown up on my hair and my chest and the smell had me retching again. I had emptied my stomach already though.

I tried to form coherent thoughts, but I failed. The only thing repeating itself in my head were Mr Thurgood's words. Edward wanted to leave me with this beast for a whole week to visit his family?

I felt betrayed and humiliated in a way I never had. I had told him about my fear of Mr Thurgood. And he just didn't care. Not a little. I spilled so many tears. The night gown was still pushed up to my chest. Appalled, I looked at the milky substance on my stomach. Without thinking any longer, I took of my dress, wiped of the semen, and threw it into a corner of the room.

I had to get away. I would no longer let Edward lead me by the nose while Mr Thurgood was doing whatever he wanted with me. As fast as my blurred vision allowed, I took the simplest dress I could find out of the drawer, held it in front of my body protectively and ran to the bathroom. I felt so incredibly used and dirty that I couldn't leave without stopping here.

Luckily, I found a bowl with fresh water on a small table. I started scrubbing my stomach so fervently that red streaks appeared on my skin. Then, I dunked my head in the bowl and washed my hair as well as I could. Hurriedly, I slipped into the dress and tied it. No thoughts were wasted as to if I shouldn't be wearing shoes.

Barefoot, I hastened down the stairs and listened for a moment. There were muffled sounds coming from the living room. Good. I went on and reached the front door. After pushing it open, I followed the narrow path to the outhouse, left it behind me and slipped through the hedge that had proven useful as an escape once before.

Once on the street, I didn't stop but continued running, holding up my dress so that I didn't stumble over the hem. The few people I passed threw judging and disapproving glances my way. For the first time in my life, I didn't care in the least about that they were thinking. I just wanted to put a lot of distance between me and the house as quick as possible.

I had never felt so miserable and used before. Not even when I had woken up in Edward's house after the night of the incident. And I felt even worse when I recognized that Mr Thurgood was only partly the reason for this. It was Edward who had disappointed me deeply. As soon as my thoughts turned to him, fresh tears ran across my cheeks. I tried to concentrate on the way before me.

What should I do if I crossed his path incidentally? And what would he do if he saw me like this? The same Mr Thurgood had done?

When I just couldn't run any longer and my legs and feet felt as if they couldn't bear my weight any more, I slowed down and payed more attention to my surroundings.

I had not the slightest idea where I was. I completely ignored the suspicious eyes of the passers-by. They should mind their own business!

As I came along a church whose clock chimed eleven times. I stopped in my tracks. I knew this sound. For years, I had heard it every hour that I had been in my uncle's house. I had to be close. Or did all the churches in New York sound similar?

Slowly, I did a full turn and tried to recognize something. Unfortunately, the houses that bordered the churchyard didn't seem familiar. Since I usually stayed well clear of all churches, this was not a reason to give up. I had never been baptized, and even though I believed in the existence of God, I didn't feel worthy of stepping upon holy ground.

I chose to follow the pathway into a narrow alleyway and took a few turns until I had walked around the churchyard. There was a sign above a tavern, not very noticeable, but it seemed familiar. I couldn't be far from home now. Such a relief.

Five minutes later, I had reached the small door that belonged to my uncle's house.

Before I knocked or tried to step in, I halted and took a deep breath. Was this really the right choice? My uncle had sold me off. Maybe it had happened while he hadn't been in his right senses. Because he had been in need of money. A desperate move. It must have been, mustn't it?

And everything was preferable than being under the same roof as Jonathan for a week. I didn't really have a choice. Where else should I go? If I kept on wandering the streets, chances were high that those vampires belonging to Aro would find me eventually. I felt nauseated.

Slowly, I put my hand on the handle and pressed down. It wasn't locked, surprisingly. My uncle was usually very conscientious when it came to this matter of precaution, as he was living in permanent fear of being robbed of his drugs. If he did forget it, there were only two possible reasons. Either he had drunk too much or he had taken the drugs himself.

Taking another deep breath, I opened the door and stepped into the small corridor. To meet my uncle in this state really wasn't what I had hoped for, but what else could I do? I would try to sneak past him unnoticed and hide in my room.

After I had closed the door, I paused. An odd smell lay heavy in the air. The little hairs on my arms stood on end. I had never smelled anything like this before. It was foul and sweet and made me think of the worst. Anxious, I walked along the dark corridor.