Author's note: I'm not happy with this chapter; that's why I didn't post it earlier. But the inspiration won't come and I'm getting impatient. Chances are, I'm going to take it down or come back and re-write it later. In the meantime, I give you a mediocre version.

Be warned: there's a bit of smut in the beginning. (Do I even need to warn for smut anymore?)

A soft moaning sound woke Damon. He blinked in the dusky twilight of the room and subconsciously pushed his hardness into the mattress trying to alleviate some of the pressure. He almost groaned at the friction and wondered for a moment if the sound that woke him was his own. But then he heard it again.

Next to him, Elena moved a little in her sleep. Damon rolled over and spooned her from behind. He brushed hair away from her neck and was about to kiss it when she moaned again. Her skin radiated heat and her hips were moving in tiny circles. One of his hands moved to her hips and she stopped moving them; instead a sigh and an unintelligible murmur left her lips.

"What?" Damon whispered close to her ear.

"More," she breathed. For a moment, Damon was tempted to slip into her dream to see what had gotten her so worked up, or who. But more than that he wanted to see it play out. Besides, he could always ask her later about the dream.

"Mmhh," Elena mumbled, parting her legs slightly and pushing her hips forward. "Damon."

Okay, so that answered the question of who. Damon grinned smugly and moved to kiss her neck and shoulder. Her hips started moving again and Damon was unbearably turned on. The hand on her hip slipped down to her thigh, caressing the soft inside.

"Damon, come on," Elena muttered encouragements in her sleep.

Damon's self-restraint took a hard hit. Barely aware that he was doing it, he pushed a knee between her legs and nestled his hips closer to hers. Elena pushed against his hardness and it slipped naturally to her warm, wet center. Damon lifted her top leg and draped it over his. He rubbed himself against her wetness.

"Elena," he moaned, not trying to be quiet anymore. He needed to be inside her. "Baby, wake up." He nosed along the shell of her ear and sucked a hickey into the spot behind her ear where she was particularly sensitive. She moaned in response, but didn't open her eyes.

Well, Damon thought, he had other ways of waking her up. He moved his whole body against hers, the friction making his eyes roll back in his head. He wanted to be inside her so badly. The way she was pressing back against him told him that she had pretty much the same idea, but he held himself back. Damon's fingers dipped down to her wet core and applied pressure.

"Oh, god, yes," Elena groaned. He turned her head and kissed her, tongue delving deep. She didn't respond at first, but when he started nibbling on her bottom lip, she latched onto his upper one and suckled it. Damon pulled back to look at her. Her eyes slowly opened. The pupils were blown wide and she was staring at his lips like hypnotized.

Her eyes rose to meet his. Wordlessly, while holding eye contact, he moved his hips slightly and pushed inside her slowly, thrusting gently a few times until he was seated snugly and completely inside her warmth.

She gasped at the fullness, warm breath ghosting over his wet lips.

"Move," she told him, voice rough from sleep and laced with desire.

"No."

"What?" Her sex-dazed, still sleepy mind didn't understand why he would refuse her request.

"Tell me what you were dreaming about," Damon demanded.

She tried to recall the images from the dream, trying to separate them from reality. But Damon's hand was distracting her; splayed wide, it dragged up the front of her body. His thumb caressed the underside of her breasts before the palm slid further down again and rested on her lower belly. She laced her digits with his and said, "Your mouth was right here," pushing their entwined fingers to the exact spot, where Damon immediately started stroking her. "Your tongue was so wet and hot and I wanted you inside me."

Damon's eyes rolled back, hearing her talk. He brushed his fingers very lightly between her folds, teasing, but she forced his fingers firmer against herself, wordlessly telling him how she wanted to be touched.

"Mmhh," she moaned as he put pressure on her clit with his thumb while the other fingers stroked her where they were joined together. She clenched at the sensation and Damon had to bite his own lips to not move inside her like every muscle in his body wanted him to.

"Make me come," Damon asked, breathing the words into her ear.

"Then move," Elena answered, uselessly trying to thrust her hips. But his arm held her firmly to him.

"No. Like this. Make me come like this."

Elena whimpered. She was desperate to come, had been since before she woke up. Unconsciously, she squeezed her inner muscles, resulting in a low groan from Damon. "Yes, just like that," he moaned. The fingers on her clit redoubled their efforts – he rubbed, pushed, and teased and Elena thrashed uselessly in his arms, trying to move her hips. When he pressed against an especially delicate spot that made Elena see sparks, her body tensed all over and Damon groaned again at the tightness around him. They both panted when he eased up on her sensitive spot a little, only to do it all over again.

Elena's body convulsed in violent spasms, on the verge of tipping over. Damon felt huge inside her and she was getting frantic. She could feel his heartbeat's pulse inside herself. For some inexplicable reason it was turning her on even more. Her breath came in sobs and she was so hypersensitive that every touch of Damon's fingers made her see stars and squeeze around Damon's cock. She knew they were both getting really close and she was craving the abyss, not able to take any more of the delicious torture.

When Damon pressed down on her clit hard, waves of pleasure washed over Elena. She surrendered her body completely to the currents, biting her pillow in a near silent orgasm. Damon's teeth clenched on her shoulder as his self-control broke and he thrust against her quickly. Moments later she felt him erupt inside her.

Damon emptied himself into Elena, then slowly pulled out of her body while she shivered as aftershocks ran through her and forced her to clench her muscles, only gradually releasing him. He rolled Elena on her back and immediately slid down between her thighs. Mouth wrapping around her clit, he sucked gently and circled her with his tongue. Elena cried out, head lifting off the pillow.

"No, Damon," she called out, "too much." Her fingers slipped onto his hair and tightened. Damon waited, but she didn't pull him away which he took for a sign to proceed.

His tongue continued its careful exploration, gently soothing every spot and crevice that his fingers had so mercilessly abused. He blew cool air on her heated and swollen flesh and Elena shuddered. With another lick of his tongue, she came again, her sudden climax taking her completely by surprise. Her body convulsed, head lifting off the bed, a broken scream on her lips. Damon let go of her then and joined her at the head of the bed. He kissed her closed eyes and cheeks and gently nibbled on her mouth.

"You're one hell of an alarm clock, you know," Elena murmured against his lips. "Too bad I don't have anywhere to be for at least another few hours."

Damon laughed and kissed her for real. "You say too bad, I call it lucky."

"Hey, Stefan? You got a minute?"

"Sure."

"I can come back if you're busy," she proposed, surveying the various tools, bolts, and objects she didn't have a name for on the floor of the garage. It looked like he was working on his motorcycle; at least that's what Elena supposed it was. It didn't really resemble a functioning motorcycle at that very moment, but rather an exploded view of one.

"Elena," Stefan wiped down his hands on a rag and sat down, his eyes imploring Elena to continue.

Elena looked around the garage for a place to sit. She turned over an old bucket and sat down across from Stefan. She was supposed to meet Bonnie in town. Seeking Stefan out had been a very spontaneous decision and she had no clue how to start the conversation. Ever since Damon had revealed to her that he had the cure and not only that but that he intended to take it with her – her thoughts had been all over the place.

She hadn't yet talked to anyone about it. Aside from Jo, that was. And it had just come out because Elena had been so distracted during her last volunteer shift at the hospital. When Elena had confided in her, Jo had called Damon's suggestion of taking the cure with her the vampire version of a proposal, only adding to Elena's confusion.

The one thing she could agree on in all that chaos was that Damon didn't really mean it. Or at least hadn't thought it through. He was probably being insecure about their relationship, though Elena thought they were past that. But not having all her memories left her in a really bad position negotiation-wise.

"Do I need to get my crystal ball?" Stefan asked with a slight grin at her continued silence. "Or I can take a guess," he suggested and pretended to think hard. "Is this about…" He fake-gasped. "Damon?"

Elena rolled her eyes at his antics and reluctantly nodded.

"Shocker," Stefan commented under his breath. But he seemed to find a lot of amusement in her situation. "Come on, tell me, what'd he do this time?"

"Do?" Elena replied. "Nothing. It's more about what he said."

"Sounds cryptic."

If only she could tell him, Elena thought while searching for a good starting point. "Okay, so," Elena began. "There's something that keeps bothering me. Remember when Kai came by the house on Bonnie's birthday?" It wasn't what she really wanted to talk to Stefan about, but she might as well start there.

"Well, no, because I wasn't there."

"Right."

"But I've been told the gist."

"Well, he… he said something. About me and Damon. That I changed when I became a vampire and that's why I'm with Damon. That I switched brothers because I turned." She didn't really believe it in her heart of hearts, but what if this was a legitimate concern of Damon's? She knew she should be talking to Damon about it, but she needed to know all the facts before she could discuss this cure thing with him again. Most of the time, she could get by without having all of her memories. But sometimes… She paused to breathe, not wanting to lose herself in frustrations again. How could she allow Damon, or herself, to make such a literally life-altering decision when she was still missing essential parts of her life?

"Oh, that."

"Yeah."

"Have you talked to Damon about this?" Stefan asked her.

"I have, actually. I asked him flat out if we'd be together if I hadn't become a vampire. He said no. Didn't even have to think about it."

"And that bothers you," Stefan concluded.

"To quote Caroline: Duh." Stefan laughed while Elena chewed on her lip. "Is he right?" she finally asked. "Is the only reason Damon and I are together because I'm a vampire?"

"Yes and no."

"That doesn't really clear things up."

"It's not how you felt about him that changed. It's how you acted on those feelings. You loved him before you became a vampire. But I don't think you would have had the courage to admit this to yourself had you stayed human."

"I wish I could remember," Elena muttered.

"Becoming a vampire made you strong. Don't get me wrong, Elena. You've always been a strong woman. The strongest I know. But when you became a vampire, you had to face so many of your fears. Actually, Damon made you face them. He taught you to feed without becoming a ripper, showed you how to live as a vampire without it changing who you are at the core, to accept who you are – the bad parts and the good parts. He made you face the dark side of vampirism and made you realize that those parts don't define who you are as a person. I believe that's what finally made you admit to yourself what you really wanted and to go for it."

Elena nodded, deep in thought while Stefan watched her.

"Did that help clear things up for you?" he eventually asked.

"I think so. Maybe. Yes." Becoming a vampire never created or changed her feelings for him. It was only ever the catalyst that made her act upon those feelings. Not the reason.

"Why are you listening to Kai? He doesn't know you or Damon. Or your history. Don't let him get into your head."

"The problem is, I don't know our history either."

"Right," Stefan drawled. "I sometimes forget. You're—"

"What?" Elena prompted him to keep going when he stopped.

"Well, you're you again. For a while, right after Alaric compelled your memories away, you were this zombie version of yourself. But not anymore. You're back to being you. I guess, that's why I sometimes tend to forget that you don't remember all of what came before."

"I wish I could forget that I don't remember." She paused, then scrunched up her face. "Argh. Sorry, that doesn't make any sense, does it?"

Stefan chuckled. "No, I understand. It must be frustrating to be around people who know more about yourself than you do."

"Yes! Exactly!"

"Just keep in mind," Stefan said, "Kai is not one of those people that know you or someone you can trust. And if you ever need a reminder, come talk to me."

"I will. Thank you, Stefan."

"Anytime."

She was about to leave but then stopped herself. "Stefan? Do you think, after all that we've done, all that we've been through, that we can go back to live normal lives?"

"I guess it depends on your definition of normal," he answered.

Elena bit her lip. "Let's say the cure was still on the table. Let's say there was more than just one dose. You think we can go back to being normal, boring humans with normal, boring, human lives?"

"You're all about the existential questions today, huh?"

Elena simply smiled and waited for an answer.

"Honestly, Elena," Stefan said. "I don't know. Some of us, maybe. If we find something worth living for."

"Like what?" she asked.

"You're asking the wrong person because I have no idea." He sighed deeply and fixed her with his eyes. "Immortality is a two-edged sword, isn't it? On one hand, you have all the time in the world to do anything you want. On the other, it prevents you from doing most of the things that you'd want to do. Like have a family, a career, build something that matters. You can't even pull too much attention to yourself, lest you'll be discovered for what you are. So you live a life removed from everything. At least everything that matters. The most you can hope for is to find someone to share it with; at least for a while."

Elena smiled a sad smile. "Would you turn human again, if you could?"

"That's a loaded question. We all say we miss being human, but when we had the chance, none of us actually took the cure. It's a lot to give up. Which doesn't answer your question, I know. I just don't like to think about things I cannot change," Stefan replied. He reached out and squeezed her arm before getting up to return to his project.

"You're good at this, you know," Elena said before she left. "The talking, therapy, working through stuff kind of thing. If it's going to become a habit, you should start charging me."

"I'll send the bill to Damon, shall I?"

They both shared a laugh before Elena left him to reassemble his bike.

As she walked to her car, or rather Damon's since she was yet to get a new one, her thoughts were churning but at the same time she felt oddly calm. The talk with Stefan really did help settle what she hadn't realized had been a big source of uncertainty for her. But she thought she understood herself and Damon better now. They didn't need the cure to lead meaningful lives. They had each other and that was enough.

If only she could make Damon see that. Maybe he'd give up his ridiculous plan of becoming human with her. Because even though she firmly refused to even think about bringing up the topic of the cure again, she knew Damon was still thinking about it. And to be honest, she was too – no matter how much she tried to deny it. She had told Damon that she'd made a decision, that she didn't want it. But she also knew that she could change her mind anytime; that he was waiting for her to change her mind. As long as she knew the cure existed, it would remain a temptation. An eternal 'what if'. Maybe she could convince Damon to get rid of it, for both their sakes.

Hands in his pockets, Damon stood on one of the balconies of the upper floor that were overlooking the grounds and, incidentally, in vampire hearing range of the garage. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but Elena's and Stefan's voices carried easily and to be perfectly honest, he had been curious.

Elena still refused to talk to him about the cure, actively changed the topic when he tried to bring it up. But it seemed that, despite not wanting to talk about it, she was still very much thinking about it.

Damon relaxed against the brick wall, lost in thought as he watched Elena pull out of the driveway. One thing was for certain in this world: once Elena made a decision, there was no power in the universe that would keep her from it. If she wanted to be a doctor, she would be a doctor. If she wanted kids, they would have kids. He knew that without a sliver of a doubt.

Elena's vision of the future still scared him. The possibilities to fuck up and disappoint her were endless. And yet… When he tried to imagine it – being part of her dreams, sharing her life, being a parent. It was so frighteningly easy to see them living that kind of life. And lately, whenever he imagined it, he couldn't help the smile that would steal onto his face. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted it.

Now he just needed to convince Elena of it. He would make her talk about it and this time he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Try this one," Bonnie said, pushing an off-white dress into Elena's arms.

"Oooh, I love it," Elena said. "But maybe not for the wedding, huh? The bride is the only one who's supposed to wear white."

"It's not really white," Bonnie reasoned. "We could call it cream colored."

Elena laughed. "I don't think it matters what you call it. Let's keep looking."

They were shopping bridesmaid dresses for Elena and since Jo didn't give them a color scheme or anything to go on really, leaving them with a, 'get whatever you like and you're comfortable in', the choices were plentiful.

Elena eyed a peacock multicolored gown, wondering if the color was too flashy for a barn wedding when Bonnie presented her with another option in blue.

"It's gorgeous," Elena gasped.

"Come on," Bonnie said and pulled Elena in the direction of the dressing rooms.

Elena slipped into the dress and turned toward the mirror. She was hit with a vision so hard, she stumbled and had to brace herself against the wall quickly.

"Elena?" Bonnie called from the cabin next to hers, having heard the thud. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Elena replied, breathlessly, all her attention taken up by the new memory. She smiled as she saw herself and Damon dance together. She had thought the Founders Ball was one of her most embarrassing memories, having been left by her date, with no partner to dance with. But that wasn't real. Damon had been there. He had saved her from embarrassment and he'd danced with her and made her feel like they were the only two people on the dancefloor. She sighed happily, so glad to have that memory back again.

"Well? Are you going to keep it?"

"What?" Elena replied, perplexed.

Bonnie, impatient, pulled back the curtain and asked again, "Are you going to keep—" She broke off, seeing Elena in the dress. "Wow. You look amazing."

Elena smiled a thank you at her.

"It looks almost like that dress you wore to the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, doesn't it?" Bonnie wondered aloud.

"Yeah. I don't really feel like it's bridesmaid material though, you know?" It wasn't true, but Elena didn't want to repeat past events. She and Damon had agreed to make new memories and that meant a dress that didn't remind her of an event in the past, no matter how grateful she was to have recovered another significant memory.

Bonnie looked skeptically at her but then shrugged and said, "Okay."

They continued their shopping trip and moved on to several other stores, but no matter how many more dresses Elena tried on, none of them managed to shake loose another forgotten memory, like Elena had hoped. The did eventually find a beautiful strapless dress in a minty-to-beige color gradient with a neckline that was almost too daring for Elena's taste, but Bonnie promised her she looked stunning in it. Only she phrased it as, 'Damon's jaw gonna hit the floor when he sees you'.

"Hey, check this out." Bonnie held her up as they were almost out the door. She swerved right and grabbed the article that had caught her attention. It turned out to be a beautiful silky shawl the same minty color as the dress Elena had just paid for. "Wouldn't that go perfect with your dress?" Bonnie asked.

"I guess," Elena said.

"It's perfect. For the evening, to cover up when it gets chilly."

To convince Elena, she threw the garment across her shoulders and it made Elena freeze, eyes going glassy as another memory fought to resurface. This one more sluggish, Elena had to concentrate to not let it slip away. She could see Damon negotiate a day of keeping their new relationship secret and then kiss her sweetly. Damon slinging a scarf around her neck, much like Bonnie had done a second ago, while escorting her to the door. And suddenly they were upstairs, in Damon's bed. Elena's head hurt. Something didn't make sense and made it hard to concentrate. Until she understood that the memory was unwinding backwards, for some reason.

"Elena? Elena?" Bonnie's panicky voice barely registered but Elena made herself focus.

"You look pale. Do vampires look pale? Elena," Bonnie rambled. "What's happening?"

Elena tried to smile. "Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"I mean, nothing bad. It's just a new memory."

"Oh," Bonnie said, understanding. "Is that how it always goes?"

"No," Elena breathed heavily. It was difficult to follow the conversation with Bonnie while simultaneously trying to hold on to the backwards playing movie inside her head. "Can you go buy this for me?" Elena asked her best friend, unwinding the shawl from her shoulders and giving Bonnie her credit card. "I'm going to go wait outside."

"Are you sure? I can come with you."

"No, it's okay. I just need some air. I'll meet you outside."

"What's that face?"

"What face?" No matter how hard he tried, the smile wouldn't leave.

"That face," Elena replied.

"I'm happy."

Elena kissed him, trying to show him without words that she was happy too. More than that. She felt known, and seen. Found. Like she was finally exactly where she was supposed to be.

Suddenly Elena was thrown back into the scene the night before. She saw herself arrive at the Salvatore mansion with a packed bag, Damon opening the door for her, beckoning her to come in. Stefan telling her to pick a room. He probably hadn't meant Damon's, Elena snorted to herself, but that's where she had ended up anyway.

And here, in the sweltering heat of a Virginia summer, leaning against the bricks of a storefront, Elena realized something. This was where it had begun for her. Not the falling in love part, no. She had loved Damon long before that night. But that morning, in his bed, had solidified the knowledge that this was it for her. It was either him or nobody.

With Stefan, she never dared to think about the future. It was something she dreaded, maybe subconsciously knowing that there wasn't going to be one. But looking into Damon's eyes, waking up next to him, she could see her whole life before her. Could not only see it, but taste it, feel it. Vividly.

She sank down into a crouch and released an almost hysterical laugh, feeling stupid and relieved at the same time. In the safety of her own mind she could finally admit it, even if only to herself. Yes, she wanted the cure. Badly. A part of her would probably always want it. But she also wanted Damon. And only one of those things she couldn't live without.

"Elena?" Bonnie crouched before her, looking worried. "Are you alright?"

"I am. Yeah, I think I am." Elena paused. "Hey, Bonnie," she changed gears, "you talk to Damon a lot, right?"

"I don't know what's a lot. But yeah, we talk."

"Did he happen to mention the cure to you recently?"

Bonnie paused and then sighed, audibly and deeply. "He finally gave it to you? Thank god."

"Not quite. He told me he had it, but I said I didn't want it."

"What? Why the hell not?" Bonnie shook her head.

"It's complicated," Elena said.

"I've got time," Bonnie replied, trying to find a spot in the shade but the sun was blasting from a cloudless sky with nowhere to hide. "Before you get into that, can we move this to the car and blast the A/C? I think the heat has my brain melting and I think I need all the brain power I have to follow this conversation."

Elena nodded and they walked off in the direction of the parking lot.

"Okay," Bonnie said, running the motor, "explain it to me. Because I don't get it. You never wanted to be a vampire. Two years ago, you went all the way to Nova Scotia to get the damn thing just so you could go back to being human. And now you're refusing to take it?"

"Because I don't think Damon wants me to take it."

"But he was the one who made plans to get it for you. He had the road mapped out and everything."

Elena was stunned for a second. He hadn't told her that. She shook her head. Either way, it didn't change anything.

"Elena, be honest. Do you want the cure?"

"I want to be with Damon."

"And those two things are mutually exclusive?" Bonnie asked, struggling to understand.

"Possibly? I told him I wouldn't take it without him, so he offered to take the cure with me. He wants to be human with me."

"Oh," the surprised sound escaped Bonnie's lips involuntarily. "But that's great. That's what you always wanted."

"I thought so. I mean, I do. But he loves being a vampire. How could I ask him to give that up for me?"

"I think there are things in this world that Damon loves more than being a vampire. I think you're one of those things."

"Exactly. He would be doing that for me. And that makes me scared. What if, after a few years, he hates being human so much and starts to resent me? I couldn't live knowing I made him unhappy."

Bonnie nodded in thought before she replied, "I think you're being stupid. By that reasoning, no one should ever get married or start a family. Nobody can promise you a smooth ride. That's not how it works. If you're looking for a guarantee, you're not gonna get it. You make your own happiness. You put in the work and the time and you make sure that you live the best life that you can. But that includes not running away from difficult decisions. And taking a leap of faith. And then fight with all you have to make your dreams come true."

Elena stared at Bonnie with watery eyes but also with new hope. "When did you get so smart, Bonnie Bennett?"

"Well, you're all being idiots, so someone had to step up."

Elena leapt across the middle console and wrapped herself around her friend. "I love you."