Stan was in the basement, wearing his suit. He had waited thirty years to get his hands on all three Journals, and finally the portal was working.
As in, working working.
He felt like there was something he needed to do. Somewhere he needed to be. But he had too much on his mind to worry about Dipper and Mabel.
Dipper. That kid had called those Government agents a few hours ago, even after Stan had told him not to. He was stubborn. He was learning to fight back. A bit too well for his own good. Stan would hate himself if Dipper and Mabel fell down the same path he and Ford had trailed...
Wait. Was that..? Could it be? Impossible!
The portal swirled open. The lights that had been flashing began to beat in a regular rhyhm. And to Stan's wonderful shock a figure appeared.
After all these years, Ford... Was back.
Dipper had made the biggest mistake of his life. He had summoned zombies.
The undead creatures had dragged Powers and Trigger away (just gonna ignore the fact that Dipper had accidentally killed two guys), and Dipper had barely gotten back to the Shack before they caught up with him.
"Dipper! What's the one thing I told you not to do today?!" Mabel practically yelled at him, and Dipper bowed his head in exhaustion and shame. "Raise the dead..." He answered, fighting an urge to vomit.
"And what did you do?!" Mabel added, not seeming to process what her brother had said.
"Raise the dead..."
"You... You're... I don't believe it! After all these long years of waiting! You're actually here!"
If there was one thing Ford was not expecting that day, it was for Stanley to have restarted the portal. The portal didn't appear to have been on long enough to have created any gravity anomalies, but it still could have made a rift.
"It appears I am..." Ford answered, inspecting the room for any damage. He lifted a hand to his chin and furrowed his brow. "How long was this running?"
Stan sighed, long and loud. "A...bout a week? Probably. The days spent rebuilding the Shack have blurred all together. Sorta like we're trapped indoors for months on end..."
Ford nodded, "Have any gravitational anomalies occurred? Any at all?" He half crossed his fingers and breathed a sigh of relief when Stan shook his head. "It put out a little lightning, but nope. Gravity's been fine."
"Good, it might have been catastrophic if it had," Ford said, and Stan was about going to ask him for a hug when a voice from far away yelled "Zombieee!"
"Did... Someone just say 'Crombie'?" Stan asked, nudging his hearing aid a little. Ford facepalmed and muttered, "It was obviously Zombie Stan. Why in the Multiverse would someone... Wait! Did someone read my summoning curse?!"
The two old men looked up at the exit of the basement. Ford glared at Stan for a moment, then hissed, "We will discuss the portal la..."
"Dipper! Mabel!"
Dipper was going to die. Dipper was going to die. Dipper was going to die...
Mabel stared in horror at her brother, who was being held up by his bare arm by a zombie. Now she was sort of glad Norman turned out to be Gnomes... Barely.
"Mabel! I'm sorry!" Dipper cried, as the zombie moved him closer to it's disgusting mouth. Mabel wished she still had her grappling hook on her, but alas, she didn't think she'd need it for the party. (Note to Mabel. Always carry your grappling hook.)
"Dipper!" She cried, but before she could say anything else a loud 'Bang!' nearly deafened her.
The zombie holding Dipper crumpled to the ground, it's head shot clean off. Mabel looked up and saw... Grunkle Stan? holding a futuristic looking gun and pointing it where the zombie's head used to be.
"Grunkle Stan?" The two kids said at the same time, and the old man looked at them and jerked his thumb behind him.
"You two! Basement! Now!"
They nodded for a second, then Mabel exclaimed, "There's not a basement here!"
"Oh yes there is!" Grunkle Stan (who didn't sound like Grunkle Stan) said, "Stanley will meet you by the entrance! I'll be with you shortly."
Dipper and Mabel were too stunned to ask who 'Stanley' was. They dashed past the old man, who pulled another gun off of his belt and began to blast away at the zombies.
"Get out of my house you undead abominations!" The man yelled, stepping back towards where Dipper and Mabel had entered the gift shop. "I've already had enough of you for one lifetime! Unless you... I should stop talking to you!"
Dipper and Mabel looked in utter fascination at the open vending machine. Stan (there were two of them?) was leaning against it and was breathing hard. He looked up at them and suddenly seemed better.
"Kids!" He cried, "Come on in!"
"What's going on?" Mabel asked as Stan pushed them through, "Why are there two of you?!"
"No time to explain, go down to the elevator and wait inside, I'll be there as soon as Ford gets here!" Stan ordered, pushing them further into the room. "Go!"
"There's not going to be a third one of you down there, is there?!" Dipper asked, as he dashed away from Stan.
"Shermie's not that old yet!" Stan yelled back. "Now get down!"
This was confusing. And terrifying, but confusing.
"And there's nothing in the Journal that says how to destroy them."
Dipper pulled his Journal out of his jacket, and the new Stan huffed. "Of course the Journal says how to defeat them. It's just in invisible ink."
"Wha... What?" Dipper asked, and new Stan took the book from his slightly trembling hands.
"If you notice," Ford said, opening the Journal to the zombie page, "When you shine a Blacklight on it..." He pulled a small flashlight out of his pocket, and shone a purple light on the paper, revealing words Dipper had never seen before.
"What... How do you know that?" Dipper breathed, watching a drawing of a skull appear. Ford shrugged and answered, "Well... I sort of wrote this book. I should know it's secrets..."
Dipper's jaw dropped. He stared in wonder at his uncle, who turned the Journal around and began to flip through it's pages. "You... Wrote the Journals? You're the Author of the Journals?!"
Ford nodded, and didn't look up at Dipper. "Yes yes... I am."
"Ooohhh my goodness... I don't know what to say... I have so many questions..." Dipper said, all in one breath. He stared at Ford, who continued to scan the Journal.
"And I have one for you." Ford said, snapping the book shut and sliding it into one of his pockets. "Who summoned them?"
"Oh..." Dipper said, folding his hands behind his back. "Um... That would've been me..."
"Alright, Stanley, you keep the girl down here," Ford said, pulling his gun back out of his jacket. "Dipper and I will go up to the attic. Stay here until I come get you."
Mabel and Stan shared a look. Dipper couldn't help but be torn with fear, and excitement. He would be able to hang out with the Author! In the zombie apocalypse that he himself had made... Just great.
"Wait, why are you taking Dipper upstairs? Shouldn't he stay here, where it's safe?" Stan asked, crossing his arms and glaring at Ford.
"Well," Ford said, folding his own arms and rolling his eyes. "Since Dipper summoned the zombies, they're drawn to him. If I take him upstairs I can pick them off until they're all gone. If Dipper stays down here it puts all of us in danger."
Stan seemed to want to argue, but he thought better of it. "Just make sure he comes back living."
"Don't worry, even if he gets bitten there's a cure." Ford said, grabbing Dipper's arm. "Let's go."
Dipper couldn't believe it. Right when he started really wanting to discover the secrets of the Journals, the Author himself shows up. Says he was trapped in the Multiverse, and proceeds to start living in their basement.
He told Dipper all about Bill Cipher (only after Dipper accidentally broke Project Mentum). He told him about the Shapeshifter, and his six years in Gravity Falls. He showed him the secrets of the town itself, and became a third Father-figure in Dipper's life (and certainly a more mature one than Stan).
Mabel liked hanging out with him as well. He told her about Sirens, non-Barf Fairies, and other girly creatures he had discovered. Whenever they found a creature that Ford didn't recognize (case and point, Liliputtians) he'd listen to them and write their descriptions down in his Journal.
They never really questioned him about his large arsenal of weapons, and he didn't press them on topics they didn't want to talk about. Ford was part of the family now. He was even warming up to Stan again.
The greatest day of the summer was when he took them to the CSO and they patched up the rift with alien adhesive. Mabel knit the three of them UFO sweaters after that.
Overall, the summer was the perfect balance of practical boredom and horror. Could you imagine if Bill actually got his hands on that rift?
"And that is why you never make a deal with a demon." Ford said, shrugging down his left sleeve. Stan and the kids had stared at Ford's least favorite tattoo (and he had an All Star one). The now distorted drawing of Bill was a large part of the reason Ford wore long sleeves year round.
"Just... Uh..." Stan said, gripping Mabel's shoulders tightly, "Never get any more."
"Don't worry," Ford said, smiling at Dipper then at Stan. "I have learned my lesson. Why do you think I looked like a Vampire when you came?"
Stan opened his mouth to say something, but decided not to. The four of them sat uncomfortably in the kitchen, until Mabel said, "Let's go set off those fireworks I found in a random closet!"
"Yeah!" Dipper said, pumping his fist in the air. "Fireworks! Fireworks! Fireworks!"
Ford and Stan shrugged at each other, and they both slung a younger twin over their shoulders.
This was what Saturdays were for. Doing dumb stuff forever.
"I have a few lasers that look like fireworks. You guys want to fire those as well?" Once a Pines. Always a Pines.
Het guys! I'm back!
I recently watched Scaryoke with my friend, and I had an idea. What if Ford came back during that episode?
1: Ford wouldn't be as mad at Stan. In canon, Stan had stopped Ford from destroying Bill, making Ford really upset.
2: Awesome Ford! I'm sure that he'd know what to do with zombies. He probably just thought that shooting them would be simpler than singing (plus he doesn't have to sing and/or listen to Stan sing)
3: Ford can easily just explain everything. So Into the Bunker, Sock Opera, and Society of the Blind Eye all wouldn't really need to happen.
Thanks for all the love! Ultimatum likes you guys too! (if he could know that you exist... Here I'll go tell him about you)
-BrilliantLight