The holiday was fantastic, and Hermione walked the stone halls with renewed vigor. She wasn't nauseous today, and the comfortable shoes she received for Christmas from Ginny were just the ticket. They had the elegance of heels, but the charm of the softest touch to her feet.
Hermione hummed as she strolled toward the dungeons and knocked on the door at the end. There was grunting from the other side, and she turned the knob. "Good afternoon, Severus," Hermione smiled.
The Potion Master looked worn with stubble on his cheeks. His usual pristine wardrobe was untidy and disheveled as he wrote at his desk and smoked a cigarette. Hermione winced and waved her hand. He was quick to act, disposing the cigarette in the ashtray, and cleansing the room with a spell.
"Good afternoon, Hermione," he sighed.
Hermione huffed as she moved to sit down and slumped in the chair. "Minerva said you had my potions for me?"
He bounced his head and dug in his drawer. "I had prepared a batch last night. This will be for three days," he murmured and set a small box on the desk.
Hermione breathed and beamed. "Thank you. It's getting a bit tiresome to lug myself around. Do you mind if I'm spared a moment just to sit?"
Severus hummed and bounced his head. "Of course, I was only grading N.E.W.T. pages," he said.
"How was your holiday here? I only got off the train twenty minutes ago," Hermione sighed and rubbed her stomach with a grimace.
"Feeling ill?" Severus questioned.
"No, just tight. I feel like my body is swelling," Hermione laughed and sighed. "I have a bit of a headache from the train, but I'll fight it off."
Severus groaned and stood up, rounding the table. He moved her curls and began manipulating his fingers along the side of her neck. Hermione sighed and relaxed as he worked his thumbs along the base of her skull. "It's pressure from the change in blood flow. You likely sat a bit too long on the train."
Hermione hummed and closed her eyes. "That feels remarkable."
"You should be eating more, you're looking pale," he remarked.
Hermione nodded. "I need to settle in and get a snack before dinner."
"Have you been feeling heartburn? I have an herbal remedy for it," he voiced.
Hermione laughed and exhaled a pleasant hum. "Have you been researching for my baby, Severus?"
"I have," he agreed. "I need to be positive you are taking the right supplements with your potions. The guidelines were quite detailed."
Her smile faltered, and she pulled from his fingers. "Of course."
Snape stepped to her side and frowned with his head tilted. "Hermione, did I upset you?"
"No," she puffed and maneuvered from her chair. "I'm just moody," she answered and picked up the box. "Thank you for the potions."
Severus moved to the door to stop her. "I insist that you get some food, Hermione. You're looking faint, and it would be against your better interest to walk that far without substance in your stomach."
She shifted and exhaled. "I will when I return to my quarters."
"Please, come to have lunch with me?" He asked.
Her eyes grew small as hurt peeked through. "I don't think I can muster that emotionally today, Severus. I'm hungry, I'm bloated and cramping. I am moody and need some time to decompress after everyone touching me so much these last few weeks."
"Let me help you?" He inquired.
"Why?" She glared while setting the box on the desk. "Why now? All a sudden, when you're not obligated to cater to my desires for a child, do you want to assist?"
"Because I only want the best for you, and if that means that I need to tend to you while you're holding someone else's child, then I will. As I've said before, I desire your happiness and safety above all else."
Hermione howled and pointed her index finger at his nose. "You were the best for me, Severus. You were my happiness. You never told me about your fears or concerns until you dismissed my love. This is what happens," she voiced and snatched his hand, pressing it to her abdomen. "This is my burden alone because you aren't willing to love me," she whispered.
He attempted to pull away as shame crossed his expression, but Hermione pushed his hand to her with more effort.
"Do you feel it? Do you feel that life blooming inside me? The most heartbreaking difference between us is that I know you would be a wonderful father. I saw it clear as day on the compatibility stats. You refuse to love me because of your doubts," she murmured.
Severus grimaced and touched her cheek. "I would never want to chance your health for my greed. What of a broken child? The destruction of my heart would be to harm you and our children."
She released his hand and stepped back. "Then you know that I can't have lunch with you. It's too difficult, and I am too emotionally and physically charged to do this song and dance."
His hand ran against her arm as he was coaxing her to stay. "Please? I implore you."
"You're so wicked with my heart," she breathed as his fingers danced upward to her cheek.
Severus stepped closer and bent to her, kissing her forehead. "Let me take care of you so that you don't do this alone," he whispered.
"I am alone, Severus," Hermione responded with a quivering lower lip. "You won't stay."
"No, I'll always be here at the door, waiting for you to need a hand," he soothed her while stroking her hair.
"Can't we just do this together? Can't you love me enough to take this journey with me?"
"You'll want to be a mother one day," He sighed.
"And I will be," she replied. "I want you to be its father. Severus, I want you to try to lean on me enough to know I will always catch you as well. There's so much good in you, and I want our child to know that," She said, and with a jolt, Severus pulled away.
His brow scrunched, and Hermione bit her lips together. His eyes analyzed her with severe scrutiny, and when they caressed the bump, Severus sneered. "You lied to me."
"I did not," Hermione puffed. "I just didn't tell you nor anyone else outside of those that needed to know."
"That's my child, in your womb?" he flicked his index finger at her stomach.
Hermione bowed her head. "Yes."
"My child?" He repeated with a firm tone. "And you didn't tell me?"
"What did you want me to say! 'Oh, Severus, thank you for abandoning me. By the way, the reason the healers told me I couldn't surrogate was that I was eight weeks pregnant!' Yes, that would go over well," Hermione growled and waved her hands.
"Merlin be damned, Hermione," Severus snapped. "You didn't tell me!"
"You were brewing the potions, and you didn't see this coming?! I was scared, I was inept, and I'm so sorry for that, but I'm bloody pregnant, afraid and you were off in your maelstrom."
Severus groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck."
Hermione shook her head, and venom replaced her hurt. "If that's your reaction, then I'm relieved you don't want any part of this. So, yes, that's why I'm not bloody having lunch with you," she snapped and grasped the box off the table.
He stepped in front of the door. "We're not done."
"I am," Hermione hissed. "I don't want any part of it. I'd rather be a single mother living with the Malfoys than to be so fucking patient for you to get your shit together, Severus Snape."
"That is wholly unfair to drop this on me and demand immediate compliance. Give me a bloody moment to catch up," Severus said through his teeth.
"Then write me when you find out," Hermione retorted and swayed while breathing.
Severus rushed to her and scooped her from her feet.
"Damnit, Severus, put me down!" Hermione spat as he walked toward the door to his quarters.
"You're not going to faint because you're a stubborn, foolhardy, witch. You're carrying my child," Severus snapped and set her down on the sofa.
Hermione shoved the box on the table, crossed her arms and glowered as he shut the door and called for a house-elf. He ordered several items and moved to the fireplace to put on the kettle. Severus scratched at his chin and gazed at the fire crackling.
"You didn't tell me because of my letter?" He asked before turning to her.
Hermione closed her eyes but retained her posture. "Yes, because I know you. You would have come running, felt obligated, and turned into a miserable sod. It would ruin my whole experience of being pregnant because you wouldn't want it. So, I didn't tell you, yes, I know that's awful, but we deserve the Severus I fell in love with."
Snape grazed his nails against his jawline and twitched his nose. "You subtly told me at Christmas."
Hermione dropped her arms and nodded. "Yes."
"Alright," he hummed and walked the room, shifting his head from side to side. "We need to change your potion regimen. Five smaller meals a day and plenty of water. We'll start you on walks around the lake when you've regained your stamina from the trip."
Hermione blinked and tucked her chin closer to her neck as she stared at him.
Severus flicked a hand in the air as he began to pace. "Of course, this changes the trajectory of time as well. We'll have to renovate my home."
Hermione's eyes narrowed. "No, I'm not moving in with you."
Severus pivoted and glared. "And why not?"
"Because I don't trust you not to turn sour when it gets hard, and it will. This has to start over," Hermione paused and pointed at both of them. "We aren't going to resume where you left me because it suits you, Severus."
"I was making accommodations for the child," He hissed.
"And I appreciate it. I didn't think I was strong enough or grand enough for this adventure, but I am. You need to understand you are as well before I put my chips all in," Hermione declared.
"Then counter," he suggested as the kettle whistled.
"You may have control over my health and welfare for our baby," Hermione said. "You're meticulous and concise, which I need right now."
"Then you'll move in," he pushed and poured water into the teapot.
"No, I won't!" Hermione huffed.
"Then you will allow me to make certain your room accommodations are fitting," Severus responded as he sat down in his chair with the tea tray set on the table.
"Fair," she nodded.
"You will also allow me to take care of you," Severus voiced as he handed her a teacup.
Hermione shook her head. "No, I don't want you to take care of me. I don't need you to. I'm tired of wondering if you're doing so out of obligation than love."
Severus's expression grew twisted. "I've always taken care of you out of love, even when you determined it was coarse and unrefined."
"You left me out of your fear, Severus. I trusted you with my entire heart. It was etched in pages in that letter. You answered with a shallow explanation of why I could never be your wife. That automatically reduces my trust in you."
Severus groaned as he rubbed his face with both his hands. "How, how am I to explain the fact that your trust and love for me, the absolute depths, caused me to falter. The fact being that I love you so deeply, so naturally, that when you expressed your dreams, I felt incompetent to provide them!"
"You never trusted me with your heart as much as I trusted you," Hermione winced as she shuddered. "It was a hurtful realization."
"I can't express how apologetic I am for being human and afraid for you," he spat and craned his neck back. "I'm so in love with you. So completely in rapture with your being that my station felt ill-suited for the dreams you want to produce. You deserve better."
"I deserved you, that's all," Hermione responded with a glare. "That's all I ever wanted."
"Then how shall we pass this? I won't let you raise my child alone," Severus glowered.
The house-elf popped in with food and bowed before leaving. It was apparent the argument held tension in the room. It was electric and potent in the air.
"I won't be alone, I'll be staying with the Malfoys," Hermione mused.
"Ridiculous," Severus huffed. "You're so bloody stubborn!"
Hermione shook her head and winced as she reached for her plate. Severus exhaled and handed it to her before gripping his teacup and settling in his chair.
"I'm just as stubborn as you," Hermione remarked.
"I'm the father," he frowned.
"And I'm the mother, Severus. My will trumps yours. This is my body that houses the child, and I refuse to do something I'm not comfortable with—second-guessing your kindness for the obligation. Praying that one day we can be on level ground before I give birth, so there isn't chaos where there should be joy. I'm allowed to draw a line in the sand and tell you that's where things stop for now."
"I should be allowed to determine what is needed."
"You can participate in it," Hermione huffed. "Your child will have your name, likely some of your handsome features, and I won't exile you for its life. However, we can't have something if you emptied the goblet. You'll have to replenish the source for me to drink from it again."
"How?" He narrowed his eyes.
Hermione chewed on a bit of her food before humming. "Let's be friends again. No law, no rush, no forcing it. All we have is time, and even if the baby is born before we find if it works, we will still have time. I'm not denying that I love you and want the best for you, either. I want you to be a father and find the joys in that. However, I need to know you will always be the man who trusts me with his heart in full."
Severus tapped his fingers on the armchair while he sipped his tea. It was likely the best offer he would receive from the witch. "Fine, we'll start there."
"Excellent," Hermione sighed and set down her plate with a puff. "Oh, I'm so tired," she grumbled and moved to climb from the sofa.
"Where are you going?"
"To go get in a quick nap," Hermione yawned and stretched, pushing her pelvis forward with her hands on her hips.
"Relax on the sofa, I'll read to you," he declared and shifted to the couch.
Hermione glanced toward the door before looking at Snape. "I suppose a bit won't hurt."
Severus rocked his head before reaching for his wand and flicking it. A book on his desk floated over as Hermione collapsed to the sofa, resting her head on his thigh. He breathed and twirled his fingers in her tresses before opening the novel. "'Yes, there is your 'boite' at last: take it into a corner, you genuine daughter of Paris, and amuse yourself with disemboweling it," said the deep and rather sarcastic voice of Mr. Rochester, proceeding from the depths of an immense easy-chair at the fireside. "And mind," he continued, "don't bother me with any details of the anatomical process, or any notice of the condition of the entrails: let your operation be conducted in silence: tiens-toi tranquille, enfant; comprends-tu?'" Severus read with a calm tone.
Hermione lulled to sleep faster with his soothing voice than she had in weeks. His fingers played in her curls, and she realized Hermione had been chilled. For months a cold had rested over her shoulders, and Severus Snape was the warmth of a fireplace.