hey guys. hope you're still doing well. my classmates wanted to take a break from suggesting new one shots and all voted to see more Windfall in the wake of FFR's closing. even the ones who didn't play Retro. They're all so sweer, I'm very lucky to have classmates like them in the first place, and readers like you. it just feels like one bad thing after another keeps happening and I worry every day about getting sick and bringing it to my family. FFR provided a bit of an escape so my friends and I could play together without swapping germs but well... there are other games to play of course but that one just meant a lot to us you know? anyway... i hope you're all doing well during these virus days. some counties are now not allowing people to go shopping withput wearing masks, so bring yours just in case. i've heard you're not supposed to reuse masks too? i realized that's going to add up to a lot of waste and that's just not good. so i'm in the process of helping my mom and older brother make washable mesks for the entire family. cuts down on paper waste, reusable, and a fun craft to keep us occupied! if you have the time, too, you can make some to donate to hospitals to help our doctors and nurses (you might want to call the hospital first to ask if you can though). well, goodbye for now, be safe.
Chapter 25: What the Hell, Demongo?!
"B-B-But this cannot be!" Demongo argued, rapidly becoming hysterical. "I mean look at me! I've got no prostate! How could I possibly impregnante anyone?!"
"But what was that goop that sprayed out when we had sex?" asked Mom.
"Essence!" Demongo answered happily, finding his own psyhiology interesting for a moment before his expression fell again and he got more scared. "But that's just old soul goo! It can't do anything! Going by that logic your baby could've been sired by any one of my souls!"
"Not this time, Demongo," Dr. Him said, rubbing it in poor Demmy-boy's face. "This chemical is entirely Japanese soul-eating demon, such as you are."
"Oh, fock," Demongo swore, falling back down into the chair, holding his head as the ramifications of his ramming slowly dawned in his mind.
"I... I think I'm gonna ralph!" I cried, and ran all the way home to vomit as I don't trust public toilets (I hovered over the one at the gynecologist's). You wouldn't find me out there with the toilets.
I got sick, then made myself a peanut butter and banana sandwich to make me feel better so I could get over the thought of Demongo boning my mom. And before he'd been inside me... that tomcatting mastard. I was about hlafway through my comfort snack when there was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" I asked, I wasn't allowed to open the door for strangers at my house and our door doidn't have a poophole, since we couldn't afford one.
An insane deep voice answered. "It's Dr. Charmcaster, Madame. I'm looking for Dexter Finster?"
I opened the door. There was a super hot hunky man in 1800's wild western clothing standing on the doormat, his white hair was long and his eyes were a lush purple. My heart thudded like a bowling ball hitting some man's junk, but even though I was fresh out of relationships, I just wasn't in the mood to go chasing tail right now.
"C-Can I help you Dr.?!" I asked.
"I certainly hope you can," said Dr. Charmcastwer warmly, smiling warmly. "I'm trying to find Dexter, and was told he was heading the search and rescue team on the Moon, but he wasn't on the Moon when I drove over. I was told you might be able to help me find him, as you are his next of kin."
"Oh," I said, "Well I'm sorry, Doctor. I haven't seen Dexter since yesterday... and it wasn't really on good terms..."
"Oh, please, pardon my ruditity!"
"No no it's okay you did nothing wrong!" I urged. "We just sort of had a really bad breakup and he doesn't want to see me no more."
"I'm terribly sorry Wind. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Uh yeah actually, I've heard from Ben that you make a mean peanut butter cookie, do you think I could borrow the recipe?"
"That recipe is a family heirloom," Dr. Charmcaster said, thinking, "but if you can wait until this weekend, I'll bake you up a batch myself!"
"Oh thank you Doctor!" I said! "In return for your immense kindness I will go over to Dexlabs right away to see if I can find Decter - but um, why did you need to speak with him again? I will need to know as he will likely ask when I get there, I am not on his good side at the moment.
"It's a very sad story, Ma'am," Dr. Charmcaster said, taking off his bowler hat and holding it to his chest. "A young woman died the other day, after bloodily birthing a baby and it was just too much for her, I am afraid. Well we checked, this poor woman was an orpahn and had no family, so we checked her baby's family. And it turns out," he said, "that Dexter is her father. So we need to find him to take care of this helpless little infant."
"Oh no that's terrible!" I shrieked. "That poor woman and that poor little baby!... wait what WHAT DID YOU SAY SHE'S DEXTER'S KID?!"
"That is correct, Ma'am," Dr. Charmcaster said, sad because he didn't want to be the one to tell me this heartwrenching news. "I'm terribly sorry."
"THAT BITCH!" I screamed, dropped my sandwich on the floor, stomped on it while envisioning it was Dexter's nuts, and bolted out the door (but carefully stepped around Dr. Chramcaster because I didn't want to bump into him, he is so sweet!) and ran all the way to Dexlabs, angry, hot tears spilling down my cheeks and filling my shoes.
I reached Dexlabs and let myself inside. "I'm sorry Ma'am the laboratory is closed today!" said one of the Dexbots outside.
"TOO BAD YOU (i had a really awful swear here custom-tailored for the Dexbots but it's so awful and I love the Dexbots they're so cool and sweet I had to take it out I just can't say such a thing about them i'm sorry Dexbots :c )" I screamed and pushed him out of the way, he bumped into one of the mini fences around the gardens around Dexlabs and fell into the waterfall, he thus shorted out (robot death).
I stopemd into the lab, uh oh, back to the lab again, oh no, back to the lab again, i messed up, back to the lab again, sweet Jesus, back to the lab again. Dexter was there, he was standing over an operating table and Zim was strapped to it and screaming. I marched over to him and stopped a few feet behind him, he didn't turn around. After a few moments I began tapping my foot, but he still ignored me. Finally I shouted, "DEXTER! WE NEED TO TALK!"
"I'm busy Wind."
"I DON'T CARE! YOU'VE BEEN PHILANDERING BEHIND MY BACK AND I'M GOING TO LET YOU KNOW MY DISPLEARSURE!"
"Go away Wind," he said, turning to adjust the rate on his poking tool before turning back to Zim, "Im busy."
"YOU ARE GOING TO TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW YOU DIMINUTIVE FOCKER, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GO AROUND AND SCREW EVERYONE YOU MEET BUT WHEN I DO IT I'M AMERICA'S MOST WANTED-"
Suddenly a bluish figure manifested itself halfway out of his pants, it appeared to be wearing a hat and had small, round glasses. It shouted at me "HE SAID HE'S BUSY, GO AWAY!" before disappearing back into his butt.
"... WOT?" I said devolving into a British accent for a moment there (I'm of British descent) out of the sheer absurdity of what just happened. "FINE THEN ASSHOLE!" I said my voice shaking, I mostly said it out of the power of suggestion from what just happened. "I-I'M GONNA GO HOME, AT LEAST I DON'T LEAVE MY KIDS ALL ALONE WITHOUT A FATHER IN THEIR LIVES!"
He didn't answer. As I stepped out of the room, the only sound in the air was that of Zim's screaming.
I went home, that night I was alone, as Double-Double-U was spending the night drinking with friends to celebrate his graduation and Mom was out with Demongo at a hotel to celebrate the pregnancy. I ate raw cookie dough (mmm... eggy) and browsed the internet on my laptop.
Something was bothering me. That pale bluish that exited Dexter's butt... what the heck was it? It was bothering me, so I searched the web for anything that would give me an answer. Finally I found a question site, and I looked under the paranormal section for anything similar to what I witnessed.
There was a question posted last night from a woman who asked,
'Dear Hannah,
I was cooking mac and cheese when my brother entered the kitchen, he hasn't been acting normal lately and he said in this insane deep voice "WHEN WILL THE FOOD BE READY" he sounded like a frigging demon or something. I said "JEEZ KEVIN CALM DOWN IT'LL BE READY WHEN ITS READY" i didn't think much of his tone I just figured he was hungry so that's why he was upset this time. then suddenly this bluish thing just burst out of his butt it looked nothing like him and it said "DO NOT USE THAT TONE WITH ME MORTAL! HURRY AND FEED THE HOST!" before disappearing back into my bro's butt and he just left like nothing was wrong?! what's going on what's wrong with my brother?!"
Oh no. That sounded exactly like what I'd seen earlier with Dexter! My heart pounding in fear, I looked at the best-rated answer...
"What you saw was a ghost.
Your brother has become possessed by a ghost that is using his body much like a parasite. If this continues for too long (two weeks at max) your brother's personality will be wiped forever, and you will lose him. The ghost will fully possess his body. You need to banish the ghost from him before it is too late."
"I had a feeling it was a ghost!" I said, but then got scared as it sunk in!" Oh no! How am I going to banish the ghost from Dexter's body?! This person didn't say how..."
I jumped out of bed and made for my jetbiek. There was only one person who could help in this situation... then I paused on my bike, since I remembered that Gwen was dead. "Shoot," I said, and rubbed my chin trying to think of anyone else with similar skills. I snapped my fingers! "That's it!"