Two more days of intense studies passed by before Tsume finally concluded that "in surrounding you circumstances, girl, your current level of knowledge is acceptable enough". With that, by Sesshomaru's will, his and Kagome's stay in the Cloud Castle was over. He would've probably taken Kagome with him to fly right into the night, but his mother convinced him to stay until morning.
It was next dawn, and both Kagome and Sesshomaru were almost off, when Tsume came to them with crocodile teary goodbye and a farewell gift.
"Sesshomaru-kun, dearest!" she exclaimed, gliding near her son with graceful gait, as he stood in the middle of the top-level terrace, readying to transform. Kagome was just walking away from him to give him space as Tsume appeared. "Before you leave your mother again, she'd like to gift you with something special."
The dog lady waved her hand, giving a signal to a servant that was walking behind her with a big bundle wrapped in a grey rag, in his hands. He hurriedly walked up to Sesshomaru, just as Kagome did the same; when the servant reached his bundle out with a bow, only to Sesshomaru sniff the air and make no move to accept the gift, Kagome was there to do this in his stead.
The bundle, with whatever it contained, was quite heavy, and for some reason also warm. Kagome looked at it curiously, then at Sesshomaru. He looked back at her with calculating gleam in his eyes.
"Unwrap it, priestess," he said.
A bit puzzled by Sesshomaru's reaction to the mysterious gift, Kagome carefully freed the bundle's contents from their package only to gasp in surprise. She then almost dropped it altogether from shock when Tsume's voice was heard right near her – just like it often happened with Sesshomaru, his mother came near Kagome completely unnoticed.
"This beast had hatched recently in this one's stables – and with two heads, as you can see! This is most unparalleled precedence, and a unique oddity, just like your girl, Sesshomaru-kun," Tsume explained with excitement, "so this one decided that you should have it for your own. It might take long to raise and train it, but in the end you will have a loyal battle steed to ride into battle! This Tsume even put a small sleep spell on it, so it wouldn't disturb your journey. So thoughtful of her, isn't it?"
"This Sesshomaru has no need for a steed," the dog youkai said coldly. Kagome would've even say 'grumbled', if she wasn't so busy with inspecting the small reptilian hatchling in her hands.
It was no bigger than a human baby, with two adorable small heads on two scaly little necks. It had tiny claws on its four reptilian paws, and a thin baby tail. The hatchling also snored very faintly in its sleep, making slight wheezing noises. All in all, Kagome felt like she was melting from sheer cuteness of the creature. When she raised her eyes to Tsume, completely ignoring Sesshomaru, they were sparkling from emotion.
"Tsume-sama, it's so cute! Is it 'he', or 'she'? Does it have a name yet?" Kagome barraged Tsume with questions. The dog lady chuckled in amusement.
"The hatchling is a male, girl, and it wasn't given any names yet," she replied to even more excitement from Kagome's side.
"Sesshomaru-sama, can I name it? Ple-ease?" she pleaded, finally turning to her teacher and his sour face. "You don't want it anyway, after all, so it will make no difference to you what he is called! And I will feed it and clean after it, I promise! You would've made me to do it anyway!"
"And you can't be so heartless as to refuse a gift from your dear mother," Tsume added slyly.
Sesshomaru still stood silently, but now with more resigned look. Kagome decided to take it as an agreement.
"Hm, what would be a great name for him?.. And should it have one name or two, one for each head? Oh, maybe a double name!" she thought aloud, looking down at the hatchling in her arms.
"This Tsume suggests to call the left head 'Burn' and the right one 'Blaze'," the dog lady inserted. "Those beasts are mighty youkai of their own, and this one is quite sure that this one will be able to set its enemies aflame when it grows up."
"Those are great names, Tsume-sama!" Kagome nodded enthusiastically. "But what about 'Shock' and 'Awe'? In case if he will not breathe fire. It's not a normal one, you said it already."
"You finally show some imagination girl – where was it hiding before, this Tsume wonders? But one must explore all possible options before making a decision. So let's storm some ideas and see who comes with the best one! How do you find 'Demolition' and 'Devastation', for example?" Tsume said in reply, hiding a smile behind her sleeve.
From that moment, ideas flew back and forth like energy beams in youkai battle, each possible name longer and stranger than the previous one. Kagome was on the roll, making up name after name together with Tsume, both completely ignoring Sesshomaru's increasingly annoyed aura.
"'Squasher' and 'Smasher'!"
"Be more eloquent, girl, or you will be no competition to this Tsume. 'Bringer of Ruin' and 'Bringer of Decay'!"
"No-o, he is too cute for ruin and decay! Maybe I should just call him… say… 'Sparkling Shiny' and 'Shining Spark'!"
"It will not be cute when it grows up - it will be a monstrous beast! Its name will be feared across all lands! So yes, you should definitely name it 'Bearer of Sunshine and Rainbows'."
"Enough!" Sesshomaru interrupted, suddenly looming over Kagome and the hatchling in her hands. "Their name will be 'Ah'," he pointed at the left head, then at the right one, "and 'Un'."
"That's… short," Kagome said, a bit dazzled by sudden pull back into reality.
"Oh well, this Tsume would've liked 'Bearer of Sunshine and Delight' better, but what can she do, when it's Sesshomaru-kun's right to name a beast that was gifted to him? Only rejoice, because he finally accepted his mother's present!" Tsume commented, raising her hands to the sky. "Oh, how sad she is to watch her son go away again!"
As per usual, Sesshomaru didn't say any word of goodbyes, instead just walking a dozen of steps away from his lamenting mother before assuming his true form and barking at Kagome to get up. She only barely had enough time to ask Tsume what Ah-Un eats before Sesshomaru jumped into the sky and they both flew away.
The chill of winter on the outside of the Cloud Castle's barrier was a harsh and merciless reminder of order of things that Kagome had temporarily left for her short recreation on Tsume's island (though, honestly, only the festival part of it could be truly called such). It signaled a return to previous routine, one that Kagome was already quite accustomed for, even if details were now changed around a little.
There was now another creature living in Sesshomaru's den – Ah-Un. Being only a small hatchling, he spent most of his time sleeping, and the rest of it – eating. Sesshomaru shared with Kagome that this stage of Ah-Un's development will take a year or two, in couple more years he will be able to start his training, but reaching full maturity will take him about two decades. It made Kagome a little sad, because she'd liked to see him grow completely, but she highly doubted that she will stay with Sesshomaru for so long.
Conveniently, Ah-Un didn't need much care, being able to fend for himself quite well for his age – he reminded Kagome of a duckling, especially when he followed after her or Sesshomaru in search of food. He was completely herbivorous, which would've been convenient in warmer seasons, but in winter his diet consisted mostly of grain and hay bought from the city and any piece of cloth and parchment that he managed to reach with his small blunt teeth. Thankfully, he couldn't fly yet and was bad at climbing, so Sesshomaru's library was safe, but hems of Kagome's clothes suffered almost each time she sat down to study. But she forgave the hatchling. He was too cute to not forgive, with his four big and shiny mustard eyes.
Sesshomaru's new sword was, to Kagome's disappointment, put into storage. She asked him why, being careful to not imply anything like Sesshomaru's possible fear of damaging the blade. Of course, Sesshomaru's reasons didn't include any fear – Kagome couldn't imagine him fearing anything.
"This sword," Sesshomaru had said then, unsheathing the sparkling in ghostly light blade of glass, "was not made for battle. In a fight, there is no such thing as a flawless strike. Perfection is something that shatters like this blade when it encounters any opposition."
"What it's for, then?" Kagome had asked. Her gaze had been enthralled to the beautiful image that Sesshomaru had been at that moment - white and red against the background of dark stone walls, with an iridescent sword in his hands, he had been looking more magnificent than ever.
"Things that do not oppose you," Sesshomaru had replied. It was the end of that conversation.
Kagome's learning schedule had also changed. Her free time, the chores that she could share with Sesshomaru (like looking after Ah-Un), even her fencing lessons were reduced in amount in favor of cramming more necessary knowledge in Kagome's head. It was tiring at best, exhausting at worst, but she understood where the urgency came from; if Sesshomaru had actually gave her much choice in the matter of lesson planning, she'd chose to work this hard and even harder anytime.
It was an easy choice to make when Kagome could almost feel gods of death trailing after her soul; a solid, physical presence and a shape of her future death, as real as the constant pain she was in.
Her nosebleed at Tsume's palace was a first sign of it, but it wasn't taken very seriously. Then, after return to Sesshomaru's den, Kagome started to notice small bruises appear on her body in places that weren't hit. For some reason, they didn't heal as quickly as her other injuries. But she ignored that too, just like the aches that came together with them, believing that she hit something and forgot, before forgetting it altogether.
It was only after her next 'meditation' (in other words, an intense spar with Sesshomaru, whose shoulder had completely healed at that point) that Kagome had realized that something was terribly wrong. And it wasn't just because she felt generally horrible after her mind cleared again, but because, as Sesshomaru helpfully pointed out, there was blood coming out from her nose, ears and eyes; and more mysterious bruises were later found on Kagome's skin too.
She had panicked then. She had just sat there, looking at her own blood that had still been dripping on her hands, feeling as if she was going to die literally tomorrow, if not right then and there. Kagome had certainly felt like dying – there wasn't enough air in her lungs, and her heart had been drumming so fast as if it was going to explode.
"Calm down, priestess," this voice, together with a weight on a hand on her shoulder, had suddenly invaded Kagome's small world. "Breathe deeply and slowly. Follow this Sesshomaru's words. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale."
Kagome had breathed in deeply, obeying the commands instinctively. Then out. Then in. Then out. In a several more minutes she had calmed down enough to raise her face towards Sesshomaru's.
"I am dying, aren't I, Sesshomaru-sama?" she had asked him then, as she had looked at his face that had been more impassive than ever. "I mean, soon. I knew that something was wrong even before we left your mother, but I think I was ignoring the signs. I bled then too, but much less. Whatever it is, it's getting worse, and fast. We had only left the island a week ago."
Sesshomaru still hadn't taken his hand away from her when she stopped speaking. His piercing yellow eyes had looked at Kagome with such overpowering intent, even if she wasn't able to say what kind of intent exactly, that she had felt her breath catching in her chest again. A long, heavy moment passed by before Sesshomaru had finally made a step back.
"How foolish was of you," he had said, not looking away from her, "to only now truly realize this. And what you are going to do?"
For a moment, Kagome had faltered. She hadn't known the answer. What could she even possibly do? Her affliction was unique, every possible method of healing it was experimental, and one that she had been in process of trying was failing! In that short moment Kagome had felt despair in face of her slowly, but surely encroaching demise.
But then, she had remembered again. Tsume's words, Sesshomaru's words. There had been no visible enemy in sight, but it hadn't meant that she had nothing to fight with. 'Even when death is imminent, one should not cover, but instead stand upright and challenge the gods of death themselves,' Kagome had repeated in her head as her heart filled with determination again. 'One who loses all hope before the battle had already lost.'
"I will continue to study until I deal with this curse, or die trying," Kagome had finally said, furrowing her brows.
Sesshomaru had nodded silently, before turning away. Kagome hadn't taken his silence wrongly then; his true answer, in her opinion, had been her new, even heavier studying schedule. It was him, after all, who took his own free time to teach her.
As Kagome found out eventually, Sesshomaru had a specific date in mind for which he prepared her as well as he could. The discovery came together with the last theme of her anatomic studies. It was put in the end, around spring just as promised, because of its complexity, together with other inner organs – the reproductive system. Being a good enough midwife, Kagome knew how hard the task of creating new life was, and how easily something could fail in there, especially on part of the woman, who needed to carry the child to term and then somehow push it through her hipbones. Youkai, though, also didn't have it easy, to Kagome's surprise – they were much stronger and tougher than humans, after all.
Problems with youkai reproduction started with their generally low fertility. As Tsume had already told to Kagome, for a powerful youkai trying for a kid could take centuries. And now Sesshomaru had explained in detail that the more powerful youkai was, the longer he was able to live, but the harder it was for him to conceive. It had been very embarrassing for Kagome to talk with him about such things at first, but some knowledge, sadly, just needed to be told by word of mouth, because everyone found it too obvious to waste ink and paper on it.
Childbearing itself, while had much less possible death involved, also was problematic. Since youkai babies (or pups, kits, cubs, hatchlings, etc.) didn't have an ability to transform before they were even born, in most cases mother needed to spend almost whole pregnancy in her natural form, or be torn apart by her own child as it grew in her womb. Considering gigantic size of most youkai, Kagome could easily imagine this picture.
Then came youkai's fertility cycles. Contrary to humans, most youkai breeds were only fertile during their 'mating season' that lasted about a couple of weeks each year and usually took time in spring or summer. For every kind of youkai, and sometimes even for a specific person, it was different, and there was no way for a couple to produce children if their mating seasons didn't intersect – a reason why hybrid breeds were very rare. For dog youkai mating season happened around second and third weeks of spring. This was, as Sesshomaru told to Kagome, the date when she will need to try and finally assume whole and stable form of dog youkai, whether she was completely ready for it or not.
Kagome understood that she will need to put that part of youkai biology and instincts on her too, but was confused about the date. Wouldn't she be able to do this any other time of year, after all (even if Kagome had very bloody important reasons to hurry anyway)? Sesshomaru's reply was, quite honestly, disconcerting.
"This Sesshomaru will not let you deceit yourself again, priestess" he had said, pinning Kagome to the ground with his eyes. "Fleeing from this battle will only end in your death."
It was quite an ambiguous answer, but Kagome knew what he had meant with it. Her embarrassment when met with a theme of mating seasons was probably completely obvious even for Ah-Un. For every other instinct there usually was some quick way to check how well Kagome understood it, but if she had denied her youkai form this one and then something went wrong inside of her because of this, there would be no way to know beforehand.
Determination to survive the whole ordeal at any cost, though, didn't made the topic any less uncomfortable for Kagome as she learned more about dog youkai 'heats' and what she will need to somehow endure. During this time, not only were dog instincts shouting at them to copulate with every fertile person of opposite sex around, but balance of youkai's four bodily liquids was also different. This, in turn, made them much more lustful than any other time. And when those two facts were put together, the result was… extremely scandalous from Kagome's point of view.
Then, there was also the circumstance in which Kagome (a female) was currently living in almost constant proximity of Sesshomaru (a youkai male who was going to enter his heat in less than a month). Before, while that might have not been just as true the other way around, Kagome was sure that he wasn't interested in her that way – he expressed more than once before that he wasn't interested in her body, and he told her many times that she smelled offensive (because of her blood). But at the moment in her lessons, when this realization came to her head, Kagome hadn't been so sure about that, and all Haruko's warnings were repeating again and again in her mind.
"Wait, a-are you going to… to…" Kagome had blurted then, stopping to just open and close her mouth in shock like a gaping fish. Instead of being hot from embarrassment, she had been cold from fear.
"Don't stutter. Speak clearly, priestess, what are you so afraid of?" Sesshomaru had asked in response then, his tone strict and brows furrowed a little.
Kagome had then taken a deep breath, trying to calm down, but it came out in a series of wet coughs. It wasn't something new – those had come to Kagome couple of days earlier, making her sure that this time she had a hemorrhage somewhere in her lungs. She could only hope that it will pass soon and will not be replaced with something worse. Her inner wounds were unpredictable, and she only needed one major vessel to pop or one effusion of blood in her brain to die quickly and surely. It was a constant gamble. At that moment, though, her coughs, at least gave Kagome something else to think about for a short time. After she had swallowed a foul taste in her mouth, she had met Sesshomaru's eyes and tried again.
"Will you want to, uh, mate with me?" Kagome had asked. Despite everything that Sesshomaru was, the perspective of positive answer (no matter how impossible it seemed when she was actually thinking logically) was scary. What she had been going to do? She had not been in position to refuse him – nor verbally, nor physically. And she was still a priestess, even if the last time she did anything of her sacred duty was about half a year ago, when she had killed the evil swordsmith!
In response, Sesshomaru had looked at her long and hard, before closing his eyes for another stretching moment.
"Definitely," he finally replied, looking at her again. Then, he had inclined his head to a side a little. "Is that so scary to you?"
This time, Kagome hadn't been able to meet his eyes. Her emotions had been a complete mess. She had been still afraid, but at the same time part of her had been flattered to hear that Sesshomaru had admitted that he had seen her attractive, even if just a smallest bit. But most prominent had been confusion – why? Kagome knew for sure that there was nothing even remotely alluring from youkai standpoint in her now. She had been weak from her curse, average human woman, and there had been no chance in her state, that she would be able to give birth to a child even if she had actually been fertile. Even her holy powers had only been a source of problems at this point – any tug at them made Kagome's reiki and youki clash again, resulting in more hemorrhaging.
"I had asked you a question, priestess," Sesshomaru had repeated, pulling Kagome from her musings. She had clasped her hands in nervous gesture, sorting words in her head.
"I am afraid that you will make me have," Kagome had gulped, and pushed the next word out of her throat forcefully, "sex with you, even though I don't want to."
"This Sesshomaru does not take pleasure in lying with an unwilling partner," had been his reply, as cold and even as ever.
Only then Kagome had finally felt her fear ebbing away. Sesshomaru's answer had been a source of great relief. While there hadn't really been anything stopping him from forcing Kagome if he had wanted to besides her own wishes (and he had ignored those previously on more than one occasion, even if they were much less serious), Kagome knew Sesshomaru and believed that there had also been nothing that could push him into something he didn't want. Not even his own body and instincts.
"Besides," Sesshomaru had suddenly added as an afterthought, "why would you reject this Sesshomaru's advances? You are attracted to him."
'W-what?' Kagome shock had been so strong, that even her thoughts had stuttered, 'How could he be so sure? I mean… Ugh, even if he is right… He is either too perceptive, or too arrogant! No, actually, I think it's both!'
"So what?!" she blurted out as her surprise changed into indignation that overpowered even her embarrassment. "I can't help it, you… You know you are handsome, Sesshomaru, you made it so on purpose! And you sleep without any clothes whatsoever, every single night!" Kagome had closed her face with her hands in despair, her long-lived frustrations now finally spilling out freely. "I am not a piece of rock to be so close with you all the time and not feel anything! That doesn't automatically mean that I will sleep with you, you beautiful pompous jerk!"
As Kagome had taken in a deep breath, another wet cough had swallowed possible continuation of her tirade. When Kagome had finally regained control over her throat and had looked straight again, her eyes had been met with Sesshomaru's amused gaze. It had been surprising – Kagome had expected him to be angry at this point. She had called him a pompous jerk, after all. 'And beautiful. And handsome. Oh gods.'
"Why?" the only word he had said in response was.
'Is he serious?' Kagome had thought, furrowing her brows in steaming anger. But nothing in Sesshomaru's expression had been showing even a hint of mockery – only what seemed to be an honest curiosity over the possible answer. At that moment Kagome had a growing suspicion that they both were missing some huge cultural difference.
"Why should I? You are not my husband, nor will you ever be one! And even more, you are youkai, and I am a human and a priestess!" Kagome had exclaimed, still angry, but less now.
Sesshomaru had blinked slowly then, returning to his usual cold exterior. He had fell silent again for a few moments, but Kagome had waited patiently, curious for his answer.
"Foolish human traditions. It will be better for you to forget them entirely," Sesshomaru had said then, suddenly stepping up closer. He had been only a hand length away now. "Clinging futilely for what you once were will only end badly for you… Kagome."
There had been no emotion in his voice or his eyes besides their usual impassivity, but Sesshomaru's words still took Kagome's breath away together with everything else: her frustrations, her embarrassment, her fears. And when Sesshomaru had raised his elegant palm to brush his clawed fingers over Kagome's cheek, she had been sure that her heart just stopped. It had been a beautiful moment.
Then, Sesshomaru had stepped back and went away, the rest of the lesson still left unfinished. Kagome couldn't care less – she had a whole lot of other things lot to think about.
Even another dozen of days since that encounter, Kagome was still full of hesitancy. Since that uncomfortable dialogue, Sesshomaru acted as usual, except for the long strange looks that she had noticed him throwing at her from time to time, and the fact that he continued to actually call her by name. His casualness helped Kagome to sort her feelings out, but she could feel time seeping through her fingers. Small, but constant losses of blood made her weaken more and more with every day despite the sturdiness of her cursed body, but for now, she persevered through her pain. She just hoped that her tenacity will last long enough.
In comparison to that, Kagome's feelings seemed to be a lesser problem. They, at least, weren't going to slowly kill her. They just really distracted her from sleep, at least until Kagome had sorted them out somewhat. Then it just came to a standing before a finalized decision and gathering bravery to do a final step towards it.
It all started from thinking over Sesshomaru's words, trying to understand not just their meanings, but what was going on in his head at that time. It was a shock for Kagome to be called by name from him. She was unsure of what it could mean, but somehow it felt like Sesshomaru was making a point of some sort, a declaration. There was intent in the way he spoke the short word 'Kagome', each time.
Then, there was a fact that he stated that she was, in some way or form, desirable. At first, it made Kagome hesitant again to disrobe in his presence, but after Sesshomaru's lack of any reaction to her or her actions, Kagome decided that this was just stupid. It's not like he had stopped to disrobe in her presence when he had first noticed her attraction, one that she was happily putting into the furthest reaches of her mind for a long time until that talk and even now.
So Kagome just began to wonder why, again. No matter how hard she thought, she couldn't find a trait in herself that would've made her even a bit alluring for a dog youkai like Sesshomaru… But in a process of her musings, Kagome came to a conclusion that maybe, just maybe, if there was nothing for a bodily attraction, there was an emotional one? It seemed even more impossible, and yet logic pointed right there. It was another thing that felt better when buried deep under studies and other thoughts.
And of course, there were Sesshomaru's last words to her then. Those Kagome understood much better. She knew that anything could go wrong if even a part of her will still deny parts of her second form when she will try to assume it, especially in her particular case. And she wanted to deny herself her future 'heats' pretty badly. Sooner or later they would lead, inevitably, to sex, and that was not something that created much enthusiasm.
And Sesshomaru, basically, was telling her to forget whatever was making her fear and deny those instincts. Kagome could admit that it weren't really traditions that were making her reluctant, but her own discomfort about the topic of sex. Traditions were just a convenient cover. If Kagome had really cared for traditions, she would've, instead of first aid, given a mercy blow to Sesshomaru when she had first met him. Who knows how her life would've turned out then? Would she be dead for now, or still be the guardian of Shikon no Tama? It was pointless to think about that – Kagome wouldn't have done that anyway. Especially when she learned more about Sesshomaru. No, she had better things to muse about.
If she hadn't been a priestess, she would've been forced to deal with her virginal fear sooner or later, when she would eventually marry. It wasn't so different from Kagome's situation now. But she was a priestess, after all. Accepting even what was only a possibility of losing her purity was like a rejecting a piece of herself. To put away a part of her own nature so that she could better accept something else in its place – it seemed to be so hard to do, and should she even? It was unfair decision to make. Youkai weren't doing things like that when they assumed human forms. No, they did it other, and from Kagome's standpoint – easier - way around. Instead of shedding civilities from themselves, they put them on. If they even did, because civilities weren't part of human bodies or spirits. They were just a result of workings of their minds. Completely optional.
It was after that thought that a realization came to Kagome about what Sesshomaru had meant then, and what he had meant each time he had repeated her name later. Yes, mind… Mind was the core that bended matter over its will. Kagome had lost her duty over Shikon no Tama when it dissolved in her body. Her priesthood was only in her education now that she was unable to use her reiki without repercussions. If she forgot them all, together with the traditions and customs of society where she was born, what was going to be left?
Kagome. She will be there still with her will to be whatever she wanted to.
With that, a decision was made. Her fears needed to go, one way or another. And there was no one else around to help with that but Sesshomaru, so Kagome was going to go and ask him for help. She had no other options for her in her limited time. Finding courage to act on that decision, though, was another matter. A nature of her request was embarrassing and scary, even without taking Sesshomaru himself into account.
On eleventh day since what Kagome was mentally dubbing as 'the Talk' (because, honestly, it was about birds and bees…) she had finally found her courage. It was a good day in a line of generally bad days. Kagome slept well the previous night, woke up without any new inner injuries and her old one (a splatter of bruises over her calves) almost healed. Ah-Un was too busy with his hay to chew on her clothes, and there was no reason to go outside of the den through the thawed waterfall. Without a reiki barrier to protect her from water, she needed to use a bulky and heavy umbrella instead when going out of den, and she still always ended up somewhat wet.
So deciding that there will be no better time, when Sesshomaru gave Kagome a break over studies for lunch, instead of going to her kitchen and making herself something to chew on, she took a deep breath and hurriedly let it out together with her request before he walked away again.
"Uh, Sesshomaru-sama, can I ask you something?" she uttered, trying to not stutter and blush like a maiden at her wedding night. Kagome didn't want Sesshomaru to have another reason to not think much about her.
He turned to her with a questioning look in response, prompting her to continue without words. Not able to continue to speak and meet his eyes at the same time, Kagome looked at her hands, trying to find the best words for what she was asking from her teacher.
"I know I should be more comfortable with the mating seasons and stuff… and that I weren't doing so well with that… but I need to admit to you, Sesshomaru-sama, that it wasn't because of what I had said before. And I apologize for calling you a jerk then. You aren't one. Except maybe sometimes," feeling her determination to fly away with every rambled out word, Kagome grew quieter and quieter, until her voice became almost a whisper, stuttering and unsure. "I am afraid of going in heat because I am afraid of, uh, sex. C-can you help me with it?"
For a stretching moment Sesshomaru didn't say anything. Then, Kagome saw from a corner of her eye that he made a step closer.
"Are you a virgin, Kagome?" he asked. The question made Kagome's eyes snap to his in surprise. Then it hit her.
'Right, youkai. Touran-san also had no idea that priestesses are supposed to be pure. And Sesshomaru-sama is not one to mingle with humans a lot,' she realized. Well, at least something became a bit clearer.
"Yes. All priestesses are supposed to be," she clarified, lowering her eyes again and waiting for Sesshomaru's response. What he was going to do?
"This Sesshomaru had suspected that," he had said.
Another long pause stretched. When Kagome gathered enough courage to glance at his face, she saw him thinking hard about something.
"When this Sesshomaru had been young and entering his first heat, he also was afraid," he had finally said, sounding to be almost nostalgic, "seeing that, his mother brought him to an experienced geisha, who taught him about pleasures of flesh that only human form is able to give. The lesson was most enjoyable… If you wish, Kagome, one can be arranged for you too, by this Sesshomaru or someone else."
A blush that was spreading over her cheeks was completely expected for Kagome, but a touched fluttering of her heart was not. Sesshomaru showed his surprisingly considerate side again, and together with it, what was much rarer, a piece of him past. Kagome felt her lips stretching into a wobbly smile despite all other emotions in her head.
"I… really don't want to trouble you, Sesshomaru-sama," she said, a bit surer of herself now, than at the start of this conversation, and averted her eyes again, "but I don't know anyone else for this. And can't imagine anyone better…"
"There are male courtesans amongst youkai," Sesshomaru said, "Finding one willing to teach you would be only a matter of payment, if that's your wish. But this Sesshomaru would've preferred to do it himself."
This time, Kagome couldn't keep that question from her lips. It slipped by so quickly that she almost missed it herself.
"Why?"
"This one would not trust anyone else with such a delicate task. It would also be a pleasure," was Sesshomaru's immediate reply. Despite the topic, he sounded calm. Casual, even - as much as he ever did.
"But… why?" Kagome asked again, almost pleading the youkai to spare her this choking confusion. "Do you really find me attractive? Why?"
Before answering, Sesshomaru reached with his hand to her chin, pulling it up. When Kagome, following the youkai's silent request, slowly raised her eyes to his, there was a soft gleam in them, as if two candles were glowing behind his slit pupils.
"Yes," the first word of his answer was. There was no wavering in it, shame or embarrassment. And he still didn't take his hand away from Kagome's chin. "You have many qualities that appeal to this Sesshomaru."
Kagome's heart did that fluttering again. Nor that, though, nor a hand on her chin, prevented her from pulling a full answer out of her teacher.
"What are those, Sesshomaru-sama?"
"Your tenacity, your willpower, your strength, a potential that you try so hard to reach," he listed, moving his palm to Kagome's cheek. "You would not be more unique even if you were born with two heads."
The touch of Sesshomaru's warm fingers made Kagome's skin tingle. The weight of his gaze made her wish to reach up to him too. And there was nothing stopping her, so she did.
"Then teach me, please, Sesshomaru-sama," she had whispered almost in trance. Nothing was scary at this moment.
"Gladly, Kagome."