Chapter 21 – Conversations in Personal Trauma and Blissful Ignorance

Jeff awoke to find the spot next to him in bed was empty. He grabbed his phone to check the time: 3:00 am. Maybe she's just in the bathroom. He laid in bed for a few minutes until he realized that Annie wasn't coming back. He finally got up to check and see what she was doing. As he carefully tip-toed around the apartment, he stopped once he heard quiet sniffling coming from the kitchen. He peeked his head around the corner and found Annie sitting on the floor, crying.

"Annie, what's wrong?" He quickly sat down and put his arm around her.

"Jeff, I'm sorry. *sniffle* I didn't mean to *sniffle* wake you up."

"Annie, you have nothing to apologize for. Now, what's going on?" Annie dropped her hands in her lap and looked up at the ceiling, aggravated with herself.

"It's my parents. *sniffle* I'm not as tough as you think."

"Is this because we were talking about them today? I didn't mean to pry." More tears began streaming down her face.

"But you were right! Who would do that to their kid? And why did they abandon me!?" Annie was almost yelling through her tears at this point. Jeff was completely out of his element here, but he hated seeing her like this. Out of the two of them, she was supposed to be the steady, optimistic one. He then realized that expecting her to hold and keep that title was selling her too short. She was complex, like him, and didn't fit inside of a cookie cutter. She was a real person with real problems. He felt himself falling deeper in love with her; all of her.

"I don't know why parents do what they do, and I certainly don't know how yours could abandon ship when things got too real. She wanted you to be a china doll-child prodigy but you're so much more than that. You're Annie Edison. You faced your problems head on and moved on with your life. You accepted your punishments for your mistakes and made the best out of it. You found your own version of a family and we're all better people for letting us get to know the real you: the one who freaks out about stolen pens and is willing to take one for the team and kiss her much older, yet still very attractive debate partner for the win." Annie looked over at him and finally started to smile.

"You know, I didn't just do it to win", Annie said, as if she was confessing something that he didn't already know. He looked over at her, smirking.

"It wasn't strategic and joyless. I wanted to kiss you so badly in the study room that day. When you kissed me during the debate, not only was I caught extremely off-guard, but that's when I knew I was in trouble. I actually felt something that wasn't just in my pants." She giggled as she playfully smacked his arm.

"You're so gross! I can't believe I actually fell for you."

"I still wake up every day not believing it." She gave him a reassured smile and rested her head on his shoulder. He then kissed the top of her head as he felt her let out a deep sigh.

"Thank you for Winger speeching me."

"Anytime, m'lady."

Jeff's alarm went off at 6:30 and he let out a groan. It was only Tuesday and he was still a teacher. He and Annie finally went back to bed around four. Wait, where is she? Did she leave again to go cry in the dark, only this time about how terrible her boyfriend is?

He quickly hopped out of bed and made his way to the living room. There she was in the kitchen, making coffee and fruit salad.

"Good morning! Breakfast?" Annie was back to her chipper self and Jeff looked at her, dumbfounded.

"Did you not go back to sleep?" Her smile faded a bit.

"No, I couldn't shut my mind off, so I reorganized my purse, did the rest of the dishes and then went to the store when it finally opened at six. I made fruit salad!" She quickly grabbed the bowl and carried it over to Jeff, who was still standing in the living room trying to process all of her. "Want some pineapple? It's really good."

He grabbed a piece from the bowl and let out a "mmm" as she watched him. She smiled ear to ear and headed back to the kitchen.

"You're very energetic for not getting any sleep."
"If that's you trying to figure out if I'm on Adderall again, you can relax."

"Can I though? I found you crying on the floor this morning and now you're bouncing off the walls." Annie put down the coffee cups that she was grabbing from the cabinet and gave him a forced smile. She walked back over to him and spoke quietly as she looked at the floor.

"Keeping busy is my coping mechanism. When things bother me, I find things to do so my mind stays occupied." She looked up at him with a sincere smile and quickly snapped back to her high energy. "So! Coffee?" She rushed back to the kitchen to finish putting together their breakfast and brought everything out to the dining table. Jeff took his usual seat, still quiet and concerned. She finally took her seat next to him and took a sip of her coffee.

"Annie, I feel like this isn't a great way of dealing with things."

"Do you want something else to eat? I can make eggs or-" She started to get up and Jeff grabbed her hand. She looked at him as though she had finally been caught in her lie. She sat back down and looked at her hand, still covered by his.

"This works for me, Jeff. It always has."

"Yeah, but now you have someone who actually gives a shit about you and your feelings. If you don't want to talk to me about it, that's fine, but we need to do something about this. You can't just keep leaving in the middle of the night to finally let your emotions out." Annie was still staring at their hands, not wanting to look at Jeff and admit defeat. She was Annie Edison, after all. She is supposed to be able to handle anything and everything thrown at her with a smile on her face. "I care about you, Annie." She could feel the tears coming again and wasn't able to push them back any longer. She finally looked up at him, her eyes watery.

"I think you're right. I need help. I can't keep living like this. You make me so happy and you help me forget about everything but I can't keep ignoring my past."

"Talk to Duncan. He does have a PhD in Psych. Maybe he can help or at least find someone who can." Annie nodded, embarrassed by her lack of perfection. Jeff kept his gaze on her, noticing that she was upset. "Hey." She looked up at him with defeat in her eyes. "I love you, and I will never stop." She gave him a half-hearted smirk and picked up her fork to start pushing the fruit around in her bowl.

God, what did they do to my Annie?