Sorry
"I saw the mayor at the hospital today. Speaking with Steve, the head psychiatrist." Punk told Dean who was sat at his kitchen table with a beer and some paper work for a different case he had been working on. They had decided to park things with AJ's mother case due to what was going on with AJ.
"And?" Dean shook his head, "What's wrong with that?" He asked Punk who shrugged.
"Nothing I just thought it was weird. What the hell do they have to talk about?" Punk questioned.
"Maybe he listened to you at his dinner party and he's gonna give more funding for the hospitals." Dean said.
"Yeah, if only." Punk nodded.
"How's April doing? Still out of it?" Dean asked him.
"Well I got to speak with her today. Well… she didn't say much, I guess. She's depressed. Follows a manic spell." He told Dean who nodded. It wasn't new to him because he'd saw the exact symptoms in his own mother.
"So did you say anything to her?" Dean asked him.
"I just apologised." Punk nodded, "And then she said that we think she killed her mom. She must have read some of the scribbles on the paper. Your scribbles." He shook his head.
"Oh, yeah. Blame me." Dean scoffed.
"I don't think I'm gonna get through to her for a while." Punk said, "I just can't stand her thinking that I was using her. I wasn't." He shook his head.
"I know you weren't." Dean nodded, "And she'll realise it eventually." He said as Punk sighed to himself, sitting down at the table.
"I think I love her." He said as Dean looked across at him, "I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone before." He shook his head, "I wish she was here. I wish I could just get her out of there."
"Well you can't." Dean said, "She's sick right now. She needs help from the hospital more than she needs help from you right now." He nodded.
"It was obvious she didn't want to see me today." Punk said, "She was just looking right through me." He shook his head.
He was finding it incredibly challenging that he couldn't help her in any way, and that he couldn't convince her that them looking into her mother's case had nothing to do with how he really felt about her. It was two separate things and he wished she knew that. He wished he could have gotten the chance to explain that to her before she ran off.
"Then maybe you should just back off for a little while until she's ready to talk to you." Dean nodded, "If she cares about you too then she might be able to forgive you, and realise that you weren't using her." He said.
"It's so fucking hard cause she's locked up in there." Punk sighed to himself.
"I don't envy you." Dean nodded, "But if you… if you do love her, I'd give her some space right now. Don't crowd her too much. Let her come round to you." Dean advised as Punk nodded. He just needed her to know how sorry he was somehow.
The next day, Punk arrived at work in the morning, heading into the ward and greeting the nurses as he did every morning, finding Lily in the break room having a coffee.
"Morning." Punk smiled to her.
"Morning." Lily nodded, "Help yourself to some tea or coffee." She said as Punk nodded.
"Yeah, I think I need some coffee. Barely slept." Punk said, pouring himself some coffee into one of the cups.
"Any reason why?" Lily asked.
"I'm just a rough sleeper." Punk nodded to her briefly, "How is April doing?" He asked curiously. Of course he had to ask. It was all he was thinking about.
"A little better today." Lily nodded as he sat down across from her, "She had some breakfast. More than the day before. Took her pills. The rest of the girls are outside but she's watching the news. Friday morning ritual. Which is good, means she knows what day it is." She said positively.
"How'd she sleep?" Punk asked.
"She's sleeping ok." Lily nodded, "Sleeping too much, probably. But that's just part of the come down, I guess." She said.
"You honestly sound like you know more and you do more for them than Steve does." Punk nodded to her truthfully. She was a gem. The way she cared for the girls and was educated on all of their illnesses and their different patterns and symptoms. It was a true sense of character.
"I'm just doing what I know." Lily nodded modestly.
"Has she spoke to you about what happened during the week she was gone?" Punk asked.
"Yeah, a little this morning." Lily said, "She was sleeping on the streets, pretty much. Said she got into a fight with a woman. She can't really remember why." She said, "It's normal for her to have blacked out."
"Has Steve spoken to her yet?" Punk asked.
"Not yet." Lily shook her head.
"He's not even came around to see how she's doing?" Punk asked as Lily shook her head.
"No." Lily said, "She's got her appointment with him tomorrow morning so he might change her dosage of meds. I really don't know." She said as Punk nodded. It was hard having to accept the lack of care being received. He wasn't sure he could ever walk away from this place now that he knew what was going on.
"Is she talking about anything else?" Punk asked.
"A little bit of small talk here and there." Lily said, "I'll know once she starts reading again that she's starting to feel a little better." She nodded, "Right now she's… she's struggling on, I guess. But it'll get better for her." She nodded, "It was really good of you to be out searching for her every day and night over the week she was gone." She said as Punk just looked down. He found it hard to hear any sort of praise, considering he felt guilty for it happening in the first place.
"Well, I should have found her sooner." Punk shook his head.
"Don't be too hard on yourself. She was obviously on the move quickly. She's safe now. Think about that." Lily said as Punk nodded.
"I'm gonna go just say hi to her." Punk said as Lily nodded, watching as he walked out of the break room.
Punk headed down the ward and into the sitting room where AJ was sitting after just watching the news like she did every Friday morning.
AJ saw him at the corner of her eyes, sighing to herself, not in the mood to speak with him just yet. She was all over the place. Her head was scrambled. She felt like she'd gotten the taste of that life she was beginning to think she could actually have. And then just like that… it got pulled from under her when she found her mother's casefile in his kitchen. It was difficult to look at him the same way but… she still felt the same way about him. That made her angry with no one but herself.
"Morning." Punk said softly as AJ looked at him, "Anything interesting on the news?" He asked. The truth was, he didn't know what to say. He looked at the TV where the mayor was giving his live daily briefing, "I had to have dinner with that idiot a couple weeks ago." Punk shook his head, sitting down on a chair as Punk looked at him.
"What are you doing?" She shook her head tiredly, "What's the polite way to say fuck off?" She asked him as he looked across at her. She was still in there.
"I'll fuck off, I promise." Punk nodded to her, "I just… April, I need you to know that how I feel about you is real and legit. Your mom's case, that's… that's a separate thing-"
"That's my mother." AJ looked at him angrily, "And you didn't even tell me-"
"I didn't wanna hurt you." Punk said as she laughed a little.
"How's that working out for you?" AJ asked him as he sighed, scratching the back of his head.
"It was a separate thing. Me and my partner, we came across it after I was trying to get to know you all a little better-"
"You were trying to figure out why we're all fucked in the head. You can say it. It's fine." AJ shook her head.
"No. I figured if I'm gonna be doing this job, I wanna get to know these girls. Who they are as people. What they've been through." Punk said, "And there was nothing with your name but then we came across your mom and… I didn't want to bring back those memories for you." He said, "But I also wanted to know who did this to your mom. The case got closed so quickly. And no one gets murdered like that by just anybody." He said as AJ ran her hand through her hair.
"You're wasting your time." AJ whispered.
"Part of me wanted to do it for you. I thought maybe part of the reason being out of here scared you so much was because maybe your mom's killer is still out there." He said, "And then I ended up falling for you and… the case wasn't linked to how I felt about you."
"You thought I killed her." AJ gritted her teeth angrily, "Why the hell should I even let you talk to me?"
"I never thought that. My partner… mentioned the idea of it and I shut it down. I'll get him to tell you himself. I said no way." Punk said as she looked across at him, "I am so sorry I never told you. And I am so sorry about the week you spent out there on your own." He said as she turned away from him slowly, looking back at the TV, "I never, ever wanted to hurt you. This… This is real to me. That night meant something to me." He made clear. He just needed her to know.
"You're wasting your time with the case and you're wasting your time with me." AJ whispered.
"No. No, I'm not." Punk said sternly as she looked at him, "Enough with the degrading yourself shit. I love you." He shook his head as she looked across at him, "I-I love you. And I care about you. And it's fine if… if you don't feel the same way but you need to hear that. And know that I mean it." He made clear as she looked across at him.
"Please just leave me alone." AJ nodded to him.
"Just think about that night." Punk said softly as she looked across at him. She was thinking about that night. It was the only thing getting her through. That magical night before it all went wrong. How she knew right then and there that she too, was in love for the first time in her life.
"Phil, please." AJ nodded tearfully, "Please just go away." She begged. It was too much for her and she didn't want to hear any more.
"Ok. Ok, I'll go." Punk assured her. The last thing he wanted was to upset her.
He stood up from the chair, watching as she quickly dried her tears as he walked off. He turned back around, watching as she looked on at the TV where he saw the mayor giving a briefing for one of the Chicago news channels.
It was then he realised, he gave his briefing every Friday, at 9am, which AJ for some reason always sat and watched like it was a thriller movie. If it wasn't for the fact he knew her mother once worked for him, he wouldn't have thought twice, but his brain was starting to tick again.