Incinerate

by KyuukaKoinu

Bakugou Katsuki is a workaholic hell bent on never dating because it's too much of a 'distraction'. Enter Midoriya Izuku: A walking contradiction that is giving Katsuki an actual lethal goddamn migraine along with a mysterious set of arson crimes that walked right into town with him. But the most frustrating part is that Katsuki can't seem to get his fucking mind off either.

29. Soot

Hello! Welcome back to the next installment! Thank you so much for reading up until this point and thank you all for the lovely reviews! Every single one of them makes me smile very brightly.

I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

Song: Build It Up – Ingrid Michaelson

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Chapter 29 - Soot

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"Look at that wildfire," a hushed voice in the waiting room exclaimed. "The flames are everywhere."

Katsuki squeezed his eyes closed tighter and leaned back further into the creaky E.R waiting room chair.

He was surrounded by the background noise of the television reporting live from Kuromata. It consumed him, feeling all too surreal to be somehow transported from that forest to this terrible place.

On the wide screen above him was a helicopter shot displaying the vast destruction of the wildfire they were all responsible for. It spread wide and far, consuming absolutely everything furiously. First-control was attempting to shower water on the raging flames and slowly, but surely, the dancing fire was dying out. But in its wake, a blackened land that was scorched until there was barely anything remaining was left behind.

The hostage rescue team had split up to rush Izuku and others who needed medical care to the nearest emergency room for help. But before this, the excruciating seconds passed by. Each second felt like a minute when Katsuki realized how long it took to get off the mountain in the boats.

When they reached the bottom, the amount of time that had passed worried the already nearly grief terrified Katsuki. It worried Shouto and Toshinori too to watch how still Izuku's body had become in Katsuki's shaking arms.

Katsuki kept his ember colored eyes stayed casted down and did his best to ignore the terrible damp feeling on his chest where Izuku's blood soaked through his shirt. The blue-grey hospital he, Shouto and Toshinori were inside of was all too cold in comparison to the hellfire they were recently bathed in. It was like a frigid winter waiting for some stroke of warmth but there was none.

There was the foreboding chill in the air that Katsuki could only describe as death.

Somewhere behind those worn-down double doors someone was whispering a deal with the grim reaper and walking into the darkness with her—and Katsuki prayed to all the deities above that it wasn't Izuku.

But now, hours later after they all got their own treatments, Izuku was still in surgery.

Katsuki was beginning to feel increasingly hopeless.

"He'll be okay," Toshinori said in a horse whisper. His forehead was leaned against his palms and the Captain's blue eyes were red from crying. "H-He has to be."

"Hi there, are you three here for Midoriya Izuku?" A soft voice called.

Katsuki, Shouto and Toshinori all whipped their heads up to stare upon the figure that was in front of them. It was a woman, with a kind aura radiating from her.

She had short cinnamon brown hair and dusted pink cheeks. Her black framed glasses were sitting gently on the bridge of her nose and she was dressed in lilac purple scrubs. Katsuki studied her face and found a sincere expression pinned across her soft features.

"Yes," Katsuki rushed out. "The three of us are here for him." He stood up quickly, nearly pushing back the chair along with the force he sprung forward. Toshinori and Shouto followed suit and they all ignored their own battered bodies.

"So nice to meet you all, I'm Dr. Vee," she spoke gracefully but her eyebrows pinched slightly with premonition. "Are any of you family?"

Katsuki, Shouto and Toshinori all looked in between each other. Toshinori opened his mouth slightly and Katsuki could see a reluctant 'no' beginning to form but quickly Shouto turned to the doctor with a serious expression.

"We're all family," Shouto said solidly and Katsuki felt his heart rate double. Dr. Vee smiled softly and gave a calm look as she looked between them all.

"He's going to be okay first and foremost," Dr. Vee said and all three men shared in a relieved sigh. "The bullets in his stomach and in his shoulder severed several arteries then nicked some of his vital organs. But we managed to stitch him all back up together."

"He's going to be okay in the long run?" Katsuki pushed nervously. "Even with the amount of blood loss?"

Dr. Vee's brown eyes flickered down to the motion and she pressed her lips in a thin line.

"Even with the amount of blood loss," she reassured—but only slightly.

It was then Katsuki saw her eyes skirt off to the side. He knew that was the cue for bad news.

"It may be several days before he wakes up. His body went into shock from the amount of blood loss," she explained slowly and Katsuki's heart sunk further into the darkest pit. "It may be awhile before you can all talk together again, but he will have to be in a hospital for the standard eight days for gunshot wounds—maybe longer considering everything. I can schedule a patient transfer to Shizuoka City in the meantime."

"Okay, that's good," Katsuki responded hollowly. "That makes sense."

Katsuki's voice was hoarse and his tear ducts stung as he blinked rapidly in an attempt to push back the sudden oncoming tidal wave of intense emotions.

Days. It could be days before Izuku woke up.

Maybe even longer.

The doctor continued talking, and Shouto and Toshinori went back and forth asking her important questions but white noise filled Katsuki's ears. He nodded distantly as the conversation continued to swarm around him and there was nothing he could do except worry about Izuku.

He absently touched his blood soaked stomach.

. . .

When Izuku blinked open his eyes, it was bright. Too bright and too sunny. He glanced around in confusion when the entire room was sideways and his balance was off kilter. His dizzy eyesight took in the empty, white hospital room and the bright television screen hung on the other side. Next he saw the blurry visual of the heart monitor pulsing in and out with his own rhythmic heart in his chest.

Then finally the last thing he saw was the date on the news and it was a full week after the Spring Festival. Izuku's body fell into shock.

A week. A full seven days.

He had lost seven days. His breathing panicked as his chest felt convulsed at the reality he had been unconscious again for a week just like when his parents—

However, before Izuku could process anything fully, all the torturous memories of Touya's hellfire came burning through his mind. The visions of wildfire trickled in and the last thing he remembered was being held tightly clutched in Katsuki's arms surrounded by embers.

Then he heard the fatal gunshot all over again and a tight pain coiled in his stomach.

"Ah, you're awake," Shouto's even voice entered along with the click of his hospital door. Izuku turned his head to the new sounds to see his friend enter into the room with a melancholy aura cloaking his figure. The youngest Todoroki had a sad smile on his face. "Good to see you finally pulled through."

"Shouto—" Izuku exclaimed loudly as he sat forward a little too fast. He cried out in pain and clutched the light blue hospital gown over his stomach when the hot sparks of pain flickered all over his body.

Duo colored eyes went wide and Shouto stepped forward quickly. "Izuku, you can't strain yourself like that—" Izuku cut him off with a groan and shook his head desperately.

"—I don't care! W-Where is everyone?" Izuku panicked. Urgency filled his veins as he was ruthlessly assaulted with the stinging feeling of blood loss, gunshots, and fire nicking at his skin. "Where's Katsuki? Where's Toshinori? Kirishima—Mina—where's—" Touya.

Izuku blinked once and took a deep breath when he glanced around in the all too empty room again that was dancing in and out of focus in his vision.

"Please...I-I need to know if everyone is okay?"

"Yes. Everyone is fine," Shouto hushed and Izuku's breath started to even out slowly. Shouto carefully put his hand on Izuku's chest and pushed him back onto the bed with a look of sorrow and kindness. "Everyone from the rescue squad made it back in one piece. Nine and all the other gang members have been arrested. All drugs and bomb shipments in the boats were confiscated. It's over, Izuku. It's finally all over."

Something in Izuku's gut twisted hollowly when he saw an underlying inkling of foreboding in his friend's eyes. Then he thought about the frightening ghost with ice-blue eyes he had yet to fully process.

Izuku licked his dry lips and shallowly scratched the bandage wrapped tightly around his stomach.

"I-Is Touya...Did Katsuki..."

Shouto hung his head away and Izuku watched how his friend's fist clenched by his sides painfully.

"Yes, but Katsuki didn't—I did," Shouto confessed in the smallest voice Izuku ever heard him use. The freckled man froze, and the words crept into his reality until his heart clenched when he realized what that meant.

Shouto killed Touya.

"I put three bullets in his heart," the youngest Todoroki elaborated with a pained expression. "He bled out rapidly and his heart stopped beating shortly after."

Shouto lifted his eyes to look at Izuku and they both shared the same mix of emotions. Hurt. Confusion, a strange hint of grief neither of them were too sure they should be feeling. But the mirrored emotions made them both feel tied in a way neither could verbally explain.

"He's actually dead?" Izuku whispered as if he was a phantom in his own body. He touched his stomach again and an emotion close to numbness settled into his gut.

"Yes." Shouto nodded apprehensively. "I had him cremated yesterday."

Izuku studied the wrinkles etched onto his friend's face. He noted how some were old, but most were new like the dark circles underneath Shouto's eyes. A new type of sadness.

"Shouto…" Izuku whispered as he placed a comforting hand on top of his friend's.

The warm skin contact caused both of their eyes to water slowly. Izuku could feel their hearts humming in synchronized desolation and neither had the strength to explain.

"I'm so sorry you had to be the one to do that." Izuku choked slightly as he held Shouto's hand tighter. Shouto squeezed the smaller hand back and forcefully blinked away tears in his eyes. "It shouldn't have been you."

"No, it's okay," Shouto replied back with a crack in his voice. He lifted his other hand up and wiped away his own tears that were pouring down rapidly. "I'm happy that it was me in the end. It had to be done. I should've done it before he took that shot at you. I had every opportunity to take it but I didn't and now you're hurt like this. I hesitated and it nearly killed you."

A deeper grieving for Shouto than the person who had passed rooted inside of Izuku's chest. "He was your family, Shouto. I don't blame you for being hesitant. No one should be tasked with killing their own brother."

"But at the end of the day you're more my family than whoever that was who set that wildfire," Shouto hissed. His words were drenched in an emotion close to anger but closer to disappointment. "Dabi wasn't our Touya. He wasn't the same person we knew and it's strange to say...but I don't feel like I thought I would."

"What do you mean?" Izuku questioned but deep down, he knew exactly what Shouto was saying.

"I'm not as sad as I thought I would be," Shouto confessed. A look of worry spanned across his face as he said the words. "I'm more disappointed than sad. It feels as if I'm stuck there because when I pulled that trigger, I didn't get a chance to fully feel like I had gotten my big brother back."

"That's because Dabi wasn't your big brother," Izuku whispered exhaustedly. Green eyes flickered up to the stale white ceiling above him as he thought about rose colored hair. "Just like Dabi wasn't my first love. He was something we tried so hard for Touya not to become but he did."

Shouto nodded absently and finally took a seat next to Izuku on the hospital bed.

"We couldn't stop him from feeding into that lifestyle no matter how much we loved him, Shouto." Izuku turned his eyes up at his friend with a crestfallen expression. "Touya becoming Dabi was inevitable."

"I know," Shouto said softly. The sound of the TV echoed in the background and Izuku noticed how the youngest Todoroki never let go of his hand. The green haired man shifted upright in his hospital bed without breaking their hands and interlaced their fingers to pull Shouto out of his thoughts.

"I tried too, if that makes you feel better," Izuku confessed. Shouto snapped his eyes up, fully surprised, and Izuku only shrugged. "I pushed him in fire when I thought he was going to kill Katsuki. I don't regret it either."

Shouto nodded his head again and this time Izuku shifted over in the hospital bed for the other to join him. The youngest Todoroki climbed into the tiny mattress with his grief that matched Izuku's and they both sat there side by side silently staring blankly at the news.

Izuku watched the news coverage and was mildly amazed at how much had happened while he was under.

The majority of the news pertained to the unraveling of the Shizuoka City police department. Dozens of cops and politicians connected with Todoroki Enji were being exposed and now the whole department was nearly shut down in a complete freeze.

His eyes stayed glued to the screen with a surprised expression as endless scandals, cover ups, and more were unearthed by internal affairs. Coupled with this, there were powerful protests in the streets demanding major reform of the whole city's department after it was revealed Enji, the Chief of Police, was working side by side with the Hero Killer.

And with push from Commissioner Nezu, the reform was officially happening.

Then the next story that appeared was the scorched down Kuromata. The entire forest was blackened as if Satan himself had walked the land.

Izuku's stomach did a strange knot when the mugshots of Dabi and Nine appeared on screen.

"Did you tell your family that Touya was Dabi?" Izuku asked in a cautious tone.

"No, absolutely not." Shouto replied back just as softly. "I can't even fathom explaining all that to my mother, brother or sister after my father's arrest. They all think Touya is dead and I can't reset that grief for them. After basically forcing me to take the next two weeks off, Katsuki threatened everyone on the case to keep their mouths shut for me. So it's a close knit secret."

Izuku chuckled slightly at the image of Katsuki being forceful with Shouto and making him take a rest period. It was endearing in an ironic manner.

Slowly, Izuku glanced around the empty hospital room and finally noticed the endless green roses by his bedside. They were piled on top of each other tied with orange ribbons and tiny red notes attached to each one.

"How is Katsuki?" Izuku whispered, his heart pulled longingly. "I-Is he doing okay? He wasn't hurt too badly was he?"

"He's physically okay. Emotionally, he's been extremely unreadable," Shouto said with a distant shrug and Izuku's heart nearly broke in two. "He's been in here every minute he's able to, but he's fairly tied up right now with Lieutenant duties. Between firing dirty cops, and interviewing all the gang members to finally seal the arson case shut, Katsuki hasn't gotten much rest."

"He's burying himself in work again," Izuku said distantly.

"Like always."

His imagination painted the vivid picture of Katsuki bustling about, giving out orders and keeping everyone in check. It was something he was always good at and it's where he was right now.

Green eyes looked around the empty hospital room in a dejected manner when all the issues from before the kidnapping bubbled to his surface.

"I'm going to lose the one thing that's important to me in my whole life because of you!"

Izuku looked down at his broken body in deep thought. His eyes caught sight of his bare wrist and his heart twisted slightly.

"Where is he now?" He asked softly when an anchor attached itself to his chest.

"Well, actually, he should be on NHK," Shouto commented in a lighthearted voice. Izuku titled his head curiously when his friend picked up the remote and turned the channel. "There's a reward ceremony today put together by the Commission for the rescue mission's success, apprehending Nine, putting the arson case to rest finally."

The visual on the television changed and Izuku blinked in surprise at the loud applause that filled the tiny hospital room.

Standing there on screen in all their hero glory were the U.A and 1B officers side by side in their formal ceremony policeman uniforms. They were all pinned up with tiny golden stars that shone against their navy blue uniforms in a mimicry of the night sky. The badges pinned against their chests were displayed proudly and everyone's face was glowing as they stood behind Commissioner Nezu.

The small white haired man was giving a moving public speech about safety and making valuable changes going forward. The crowd clapped and cheered as the different officers, captains, and lieutenants all clapped along as well.

"Why aren't you up there?" Izuku asked Shouto. "You deserve as much recognition."

"Ah, I don't really want to be recognized for putting three bullets in my terrorist brother."

Izuku winced. "I'm sorry—"

"—It's okay," Shouto hushed him. "It's one of those things."

Izuku tried his best to focus back on the screen and to what the Commissioner was saying, but all the words were drowned out in his ears. All he could do was stare at the expressions written on everyone's faces. They all looked overjoyed, relieved and as if they were relaxed. Well, all but one person.

Katsuki's face was nearly blank.

He stood next to Toshinori with the second most prestigious pins, and the second most sparkly gold and navy uniform. There were endless esteemed badges attached to his blazer, and there was a large, pure gold metal medallion slung over his neck. It rested neatly against his perfect red tie and matched the golden stripes running down the sleeves of his uniform.

However, even with all the shiniest awards, something was off. Izuku frowned when it seemed like Katsuki was wearing the medal as if it was heavy around his neck rather than he was proud to have it.

"Katsuki is also being recognized for helping in the investigation with Toshinori on the police department's corruption," Shouto commented as another gold and red pin was tacked on by Toshinori to Katsuki's chest. "Our beloved hothead has been using that unchecked aggression of his to put his foot down everyone's throat and pluck all the dirty cops like weeds."

Izuku didn't say anything as he studied Katsuki's sullen expression on screen that no one else was seemingly paying attention to.

"...He looks so sad," Izuku murmured. He couldn't tear his eyes away from how Katsuki's scarlet eyes were glued to the ground.

"Really?" Shouto said curiously and tilted his head. Izuku nodded and the youngest Todoroki pressed his lips in a thin line. "To be honest, I can't tell. I thought that was his resting face. He's always looked like that ever since I've known him. Even back on the first day he took the internship with my dad."

Izuku frowned deeper at the new facts, but didn't say anything.

He thought of all the lively expressions Katsuki had shown him since the first day he encountered him. His ember eyes were always curious and sparkled to life with something more than underlying sadness whenever the blond gazed upon him. He looked happy whenever they were together if Izuku's memory was serving correctly. He didn't look like that.

The pair watched the award ceremony out in silence as Izuku leaned his tired head against Shouto's shoulder.

"So, that's really it, isn't it?" Izuku said through his worn down throat.

"Yup...that's it."

All the words left to say were gone and there was nothing more he could think of as he tried to wrap his mind around all the events.

Everything about Touya had finally come to a peak in an ironic, but fitting way. Izuku couldn't say anything but he examined in mind how everything around him had once again been burned down. Now all that was left was to sort through the soot.

His first love had reappeared and disappeared out of his life so quickly it felt surreal. It was as if he was waiting on whiplash that never came. Or trying to catch a glimpse at a tornado that had passed by in mere seconds that destroyed everything in its path. But all evidence of the natural disaster itself was too far gone to get a good, memorable look at it.

All Izuku could do was sit dazed, numb and struggling to grasp what was real alongside Shouto who no doubt was feeling the same.

Neither man in the hospital bed spoke a word.

Izuku glanced out at the window beside him to see the vast city of Shizuoka City, soaking up all the spring sun. Buried inside of his gut, Izuku couldn't escape the empty feeling in his core as he gazed upon all the tall skyscrapers.

He subconsciously placed his hand above his gunshot wound again.

. . .

"Lieutenant Bakugou! Over here!"

"Lieutenant Bakugou, what's the next move for the Symbol of Victory?"

"Is it true you and Lieutenant Monoma have patched things up and your squads are now sharing a precinct?"

Katsuki forced a painfully hollow smile across his face as all the different fake-stick-up-their ass reporters, politicians and fellow officers all spoke to him.

He was currently standing in the middle of a large exquisite banquet hall that was draped in expensive red curtains, gold awards, and press was stationed everywhere. But the Lieutenant could only mildly enjoy it.

Nine months ago he would have been salivating at the mouth for this but this time felt different. It felt as if he was some trained puppet in a staged performance as they all took pictures, did interviews and he gave the obligatory hand shakes or whatever to keep Toshinori happy. Katsuki restrained himself from groaning out loud when the damn ceremony's after party was dragging on.

He was supposed to be fucking gone by now.

He anxiously checked his silver watch several times because his heart wasn't in this bullshit at all. No, not at a single bit. Instead, his heart was currently unconscious in a hospital bed for the seventh day in a row and it worried him to no end.

The distracted Lieutenant ran his hand over his mouth without realizing as he found himself standing in, yet again, another small social circle discussing the future of the department. This time it consisted of Toshinori, Commissioner Nezu, and several other higher ups in the police department.

All the decorated men and women surrounding him chatted about the new reform plan and how bright the future was going to be for Shizuoka City. But Katsuki couldn't care to pay attention.

Just when he was about to check his phone for the umpteenth time, it buzzed several times in his pocket. The distracted blond perked up as he snatched the device out of his pants and desperately stared down at the message that flashed on his screen.

[S. Todoroki]: Izuku's awake and chatting. Doctors are doing some blood tests on him now and looking at his wounds for stabilization. If you're free you should come.

Katsuki's heart flew out of his chest and he didn't think twice.

"Excuse me, I'm so sorry but I have to go," Katsuki rushed out with a look of relief on his face. He thought about the melody of Izuku's laugh and quickly felt his feet scream at him to run out the door with intense need. He only wanted to be at the green eyed beauty's side.

All the police department higher ups looked at him in a surprised manner and Commissioner Nezu seemed disappointed.

"Go?" Nezu said with a frown. "Go where? We were just about to discuss something important."

But Katsuki only offered an apologetic smile as he gave Toshinori a knowing look of happiness.

"Sorry, but Midoriya finally woke up and I need to be there." Katsuki held up his phone for emphasis and Toshinori's face lit up.

"Oh! Yes, go!" Toshinori chuckled as he smoothed out his blue tie with his palm. "I'll catch up with you later, son. I need to finish speaking with Nezu about the reform plans."

The short Commissioner frowned and looked disapprovingly at the retreating Lieutenant as he tried to call out for Katsuki. "W-Wait Bakugou! I wanted to speak with you about possible shifting—"

But with the blessing from Toshinori, Katsuki was out of ear shot before Nezu could finish his sentence.

The harried blond gave quick waves and smiles to all the decorated people in the hall before pushing open the doors and allowing the gentle spring breeze to rush through his hair. He pulled off his navy blue hat and tucked it under his arm as he paced quickly down the busy sidewalk.

Katsuki's heart pushed and pulled with longing like the tides as he followed it's calling all the way to the downtown hospital.

When he arrived, the nurse immediately recognized him and waved to him as he hurried down the hallway to the tiny corner room he had been inside of every free minute. He opened the door and the sun from the adjacent window hit his eyes, but it wasn't as nearly as bright as the visual of Izuku smiling and laughing with Shouto by his side.

In slow motion, large forest green eyes turned to face him and Katsuki felt time cease to exist. Izuku's face faltered briefly from a small smile to quickly transform into a large grin and look of love.

He cracked a smile that mirrored Izuku's and quickly he let all the bottled up emotions inside of his ribcage burst through the half-knit seams. Tears began to stream out one by one down his face as he carefully untucked his police officer's hat from his arm and sat it on the foot of Izuku's hospital bed.

"You're okay," Katsuki whispered while he thanked all the deities above for the sound of Izuku's voice.

Viridian colored eyes were full of passion and happiness as Katsuki gently pushed Izuku's hair out of his forehead to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Katsuki smiled through the wet tears on his face as Izuku's hand reached up to hold his.

"Hi to you too, Kacchan."

Katsuki let out a shaky chuckle with Izuku as he leaned back to see the freckled man smiling up at him in that signature saccharine manner. Then a spare, short laugh from beside them filled the room and Katsuki could hear Shouto clear his throat.

"Well, I think that's my cue to leave you two to have your moment," Shouto said as he threw a small smirk to Katsuki. "Plus, I promised my sister I would help her out today with her classroom anyways. I'll see you two tomorrow."

"Alright, Shouto. See you tomorrow," Katsuki laughed as he and Izuku waved goodbye.

The door shut behind them and Katsuki carefully situated himself beside Izuku on the bed. The greenette sat upright against the plush pillow to meet Katsuki at near eye level and red eyes took that moment to examine the injured man in front of him.

Izuku's left arm was wrapped up and various small nicks and scrapes were littered across all the exposed parts of his skin that the short sleeved hospital gown didn't cover. There was a look of love in Izuku's green eyes—but there was something distant inside of the longing gaze as well.

"How do you feel?" Katsuki asked and reached to hold Izuku's hand. He noted how warm it was as he stroked his thumb over Izuku's soft skin.

The younger man paused notably for several long moments.

The grip on their hands tightened as Katsuki watched Izuku's tired eyes flickered around the room and with every passing second Katsuki's gnawing worry only grew.

"...I don't know," Izuku's soft voice whispered and Katsuki felt his heart break. Izuku's dark green eyebrows knitted together before he looked back up at Katsuki with a softer expression. "B-But I'm happy to see you. I'm so glad you're okay. You're not hurt anywhere are you?"

Katsuki chuckled slightly and gave a half smirk.

"Of course you'd be in a hospital bed worried if I'm hurt, Deku," his raspy voice replied tenderly as he leaned forward to place another kiss on Izuku's forehead. "I'm fine. I have a couple new additions to my body but I don't care. What matters is that you're safe and you're okay."

Izuku gave him a smile before glancing down. Sullen green eyes skated all over the crisp white bed sheets as if searching for the right words to say.

"I-I'm so sorry for all of this, Kacchan," Izuku whispered as he retracted his hand to nervously wring his hands together. "I brought so much chaos into everyone's lives by coming here."

"What? No, you didn't," Katsuki retorted in shock. Was Izuku really blaming himself for this? "None of this is your damn fault—"

"—But it is," Izuku hissed. He squeezed his hands tighter and screwed his eyes closed. "Touya followed me here. He burned down a significant chunk of this city and a whole forest because of me. S-Shouto had to kill his brother because of me. All the U.A and 1B officers' lives were at stake all because I allowed myself to be lured to that goddamn precinct and I couldn't fully get past my fear of fire to get out—"

Izuku's words were choked by his own tears as he sunk his fingernails into his palms unforgivingly.

Katsuki didn't say a word and allowed the crestfallen man to weep and purge all of his emotions. He could only speculate how the guilt inside of Izuku was compounding at an alarming rate. His parents' deaths. The Incinerator. Maybe Izuku was even blaming himself for The Red Dawn and all the lives lost at Dabi's hands. It was a lot, and Katsuki could only hope Izuku was properly separating himself from what Touya had done willingly.

"I-I'm not worth all of this, Katsuki."

Red eyes studied Izuku's shaking shoulders.

He noticed how they were sagged forward with the weight of the world and the guilt of over a thousand men. He imagined the burning burden must've been too much after discovering his first love was behind all the destruction in his life.

"There's a lot to unpack there but that's all not true," Katsuki said carefully as he placed his hand over Izuku's again. He beckoned for his lover's attention again until the tear-filled eyes glazed back at him. Katsuki gave a glass fragile smile as he lifted his other hand to cradle Izuku's cheek. "You're precious, Izuku. The circumstances were, yes, really fucking shitty, but everyone you mentioned is in the line of duty.

"If my purpose as a Lieutenant meant that I trained my whole life for the moment that I needed to save you, then every bullet, burn and more I suffered was worth it because you're safe. And I know from this past week all the other officers feel the same."

"You're being too sweet," Izuku whispered when Katsuki wiped away several of his tears.

"Naw, I'm not being sweet enough."

"I'm sorry about all of the other things then," Izuku said in a downhearted manner. "The sex tape, you getting nearly branded as a predator and that stupid kiss with Mirio. I really didn't kiss him and I never meant to make you feel disrespected—"

"I know. I know you would never—it's okay. None of that matters right now, Izuku," Katsuki reassured. "Not that it matters but he called me to apologize several days ago and explained it all. But that's all in the past and it means nothing. Not my reputation, not the trivial ass misunderstanding with Mirio nor all that stupid shit with the media. Fuck all of that."

Izuku looked at him perplexed and Katsuki took a deep breath as he thought about all the things he wanted to say to Izuku.

He had several elaborate speeches memorized in his head that he practiced repeatedly for the last seven days. However, as he looked at Izuku's beautiful—lively—face it all flew out the window.

"I should be apologizing to you right now for that shitty thing I said to you at the courthouse," Katsuki said and he could feel his own heart rate triple at the surprised expression leaking into Izuku's face. "I'm so fucking sorry for lashing out at you like that and it won't ever happen again. I know I can have a temper and lose it sometimes but what I said wasn't okay in the slightest."

"But Kacchan, I understand why you were upset and why you said what you said. I nearly had cost you your job. I know your work means everything to you."

"No. Work is not the most important thing to me, it's you," Katsuki emphasized and Izuku went still. Stunned green eyes searched his face and Izuku double checked to make sure he was hearing correctly. Katsuki gave an apologetic smile. "I never want to make you feel like you're second place in my life like that ever again. My work will never be more important than you—than us."

"...Really?" Izuku asked carefully. His watery green eyes were full of longing and hope and Katsuki nodded with conviction.

"Absolutely."

The lieutenant pulled back his hand to reach into his uniform's pants pocket to reveal Izuku's small puzzle piece bracelet that was now fully repaired. Izuku let out a short, happy laugh that mixed with his joyful tears.

"You still have it," Izuku exclaimed in shock as he placed his hand over his mouth. "I-I thought it was lost."

"I never let it go." Katsuki smiled wider as he pulled back the long sleeve of his jacket to reveal his own. The bright sun caught the silver surface and it sparkled in the room. Katsuki could see the warmth inside of Izuku's heart overflow as he carefully placed the matching piece of jewelry back on Izuku's wrist.

And it still fit perfectly.

"I love you," Katsuki said finally, looking into Izuku's eyes.

"And I love you too." Izuku smiled and bent forward to give Katsuki a deep kiss and they embraced tightly in a long-awaited hug.

"I can't wait to get you out of here and back home."

"Y-Yeah," Izuku said into Katsuki's neck and his lover squeezed him more. "…Home."

Katsuki relished the feeling of Izuku's beating heart and warm body heat against his own and promised himself he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their relationship again. While hugged into the embrace, Katsuki missed how green eyes skated off to the side.

They stared thoughtfully out at the window to Shizuoka City.

. . .

Izuku tried his best to go back to normal.

The number of charred pieces of his life left over from the hellfire covered him in thick soot. It felt like no matter how many times he showered or bathed—it never fully washed off.

It was as if an invisible char caked against his skin as he tried his best to navigate through his old life before Kuromata's wildfire. But several events occurred that ended up causing Izuku to make the single most important decision of his life. It was a decision he normally would have never taken, but it was one that he had finally had to.

The days after he woke in the hospital allowed his body to return to full strength. Katsuki was there every morning talking with the health professionals and helping him with the minor physical therapy he had to go through. It warmed Izuku's heart to hear Katsuki's laugh and feel his kiss again. It was gentle and loving and everything Katsuki did, he did with significant care.

When they returned back to the apartment, it was exactly how he left it before the chaos entered their lives.

It was still full of pictures of him, Katsuki and all the U.A officers and a welcoming atmosphere. Akira rushed up to him and smothered him in lovely tiny wet kisses and snuggles that made him laugh. Even his art studio looked as if it was frozen in time until his return. The cap on his burnt sienna oil paint was left off just like how he remembered, and the colorful palette had dried over from being abandoned for over a month.

Everything was the same from before the court case but Izuku couldn't place his finger on why the atmosphere suddenly felt different to be inside the luxury loft. He kept finding himself feeling empty and absentmindedly placing his hand over his stomach's gunshot wound.

Katsuki would notice this and ask him if he was okay or if his body still hurt.

"I'm fine," Izuku would rebuttal with a tight smile. "I swear, I think I'm still adjusting the feeling of the scar on my stomach."

Izuku could tell Katsuki only half believed this. Red eyes were skeptical and worried.

"Okay," his lover would reply slowly. "Be sure to let me know if you do need anything, alright?"

"Alright."

The next week came after his discharge from the hospital and Izuku felt his heart healing, but it healed around a wound he couldn't place his finger on. It was open and it hurt. It caused tears to be tethered to the edge of his eyes, but he was never distraught enough to let them fall. It was a terrible limbo he knew he would be stuck in unless he figured out what was wrong and properly addressed it.

At first, he thought the pain stemmed from Touya. His first love that he willingly let into his life over and over had tried to kill him but for some reason that wasn't as shocking as Izuku thought it was as he mulled over it. Kai had bitterly warned him so long ago, and Kai was right.

The narrative of his and Touya's tragic ballad ended with him brushing shoulders with death and Touya being fully taken away into the darkness.

The burn of Touya reappearing then disappearing all over again was scalding hot and hard to digest—but like Shouto had said: Izuku realized he was settled in feeling disappointed.

All his grief for his first love had been bled dry.

Izuku realized this when the day of Touya's tiny, secret funeral came. It was organized by Shouto who asked Katsuki to pull some strings to properly bury his brother's ashes in the tomb his mother believed he was inside of.

"She deserves to be paying respect to the correct remains," Shouto had explained. Izuku and Katsuki nodded in agreement, feeling as if it was the right choice.

Originally, Shouto hadn't told either of them about the funeral, nor that he was even planning on holding one. It wasn't until Izuku pried it out of him over their first dinner together after his release from the hospital that Shouto confessed he was going to pay his final respects.

After that, Izuku realized that Shouto shouldn't go alone. No one should be doing that alone, especially after what Shouto had to do. Izuku pushed that all three of them should venture together.

Part of him was hoping seeing Touya in his final, actual, resting ground would also put to rest the growing feeling of numbness in his core. It was spreading from the nearly fatal gunshot wound.

They all dressed in all black, and just like the day of Touya's original funeral, it was gloomy and raining. The trio arrived in Shouto's car at the Todoroki grave site with pitch black umbrellas that the rain poured down against. Katsuki had his arm protectively around Izuku's shoulders and Izuku's green eyes studied the cigarette Shouto lit.

The youngest Todoroki took a deep inhale of the nicotine as they walked down to the grave. When they arrived, sitting there just like it had been nearly four years ago now, was the gray headstone that haunted Izuku's dreams.

But now, it didn't.

Izuku felt close to nothing as he stared upon that fateful name that turned his life upside down. He thought maybe something inside of him was broken because despite knowing Touya's real ashes were inside finally—Izuku's heart did nothing. It stayed utterly still.

Green eyes studied all the new wear and tear on the tomb. It had nicks and scratches on it, clearly neglected and worn in comparison to the other headstones in the family grave site. The others had colorful flowers placed all around and were clearly tended to with care.

"No roses this time?" Shouto asked as he carefully studied Izuku out the corner of his eye.

The youngest man shook his head. He realized in that moment when everything stood still, that he had finally moved past all the hurt that had been living inside of his soul for years.

"No. No more roses for him."

Shouto smiled slightly.

Katsuki's arm around him rubbed his shoulder affectionately and a loving kiss was delicately placed against his curls. Izuku smiled slightly, feeling proud of himself and proud of Shouto as well who said a handful of short, kind words that were limited.

Then when Shouto was done, he took one long drag of his cigarette before leaning down and putting it out on top of the wet headstone.

"Stay in there this time, big brother."

When they went back to the car, the trio took one last final look at all their shared ghost before Shouto put the car in drive. Izuku watched as the graveyard steadily became smaller as they drove away in the vicious downpour. The pitter patter of the rain against the window turned into a sullen melody when no music was played the entire drive back.

As Izuku stared at the grave until it was no longer visible, he left all his past baggage behind with Touya.

It faded into the grey background with no emphasis, no beautiful metaphor nor memorable anecdote—and that was exactly how Izuku wanted it. He accepted not all endings had a magical finish or fit into the way he ideally wished the world was. Sometimes endings were as bittersweet as the pain of remembering the beginning of the end, and that was okay.

But as he sealed the chapter on Touya for good, the unnamed feeling of hollowness still remained, and it made Izuku worry.

. . .

The next month and a half passed, bringing them fully into blissful summer all over again. The sun was shining bright in Shizuoka City just as the same day he had arrived nearly a full year ago. The trees were blessed with vibrant green foliage and laughter of families hummed into the gentle air.

Izuku found himself in the middle of a hot May happy with Katsuki and the past almost washed away.

Almost.

Katsuki's 28th birthday had passed in April and Izuku threw the largest party he could manage down at the new U.A/1B district station. All the officers were pooled together until the new U.A precinct could be rebuilt and Izuku found it fun to watch all his friends at the station blend in with new people.

He witnessed a new, budding friendship between Kirishima and a detective named Tetsutetsu take flight. They exchanged all their skills and 'manliness' talks while other officers chatted and smiled. The rivalry between the two stations had finally come to a close when both squads could relate to having a hard-ass of a Lieutenant down their backs all the time.

Every police officer sang happy birthday to a reluctant Katsuki who huffed but participated nonetheless because Izuku baked him his favorite flavor of spicy cinnamon cake.

The now ex-detective remembered how it felt like watching all his friends laughing and chatting in their uniforms with other officers. And it wasn't the bubbly, welcoming feeling he was expecting.

He felt like an outsider almost.

Izuku studied his lover's crisp white lieutenant's uniform that day in a different light. The golden buttons, the perfectly knitted orange tie that matched his ember like eyes. Izuku then stared at Denki's happy smile and listened to Ochaco's bubbly laughter. And finally, he took in the picture of all the U.A officers happy together—without him.

And it was a reminder to Izuku that the people in front of him had been happy before he worked with them, and now even after he left. They were happy.

That's when it hit him like a freight-train. Izuku realized what the hollowness in his core was.

He didn't have a single one of his own, personal dreams fulfilled and he was left feeling empty.

Later that evening when Katsuki came back to the apartment, Izuku was covered head to toe in paint as he tried to put away the empty feeling by reassuring himself that he would get a job again and that it would all be okay.

But when the time came for job hunting, the Shizuoka City police positions closed tight. Not even a single breeze of air could get through. He tried every department that wasn't U.A but was turned away repeatedly for an entire month.

"I'm sorry, Midoriya. This station isn't hiring either," one male officer told him at the end of his journey in May. The look in the man's brown eyes was regretful, and the guy clearly recognized who Izuku was from all the internal buzz. "With the reform plan getting finalized, there's not going to be any new hiring in any department—forensics, private investigations, all of it. It's all shut down for a really long time."

Izuku remembered how he fidgeted. "How long is really long?"

The man sighed and had looked over his shoulder to check for others listening. He leaned in carefully and motioned for Izuku to do the same. When they were in close distance of each other the man informed Izuku of information that shattered his fragile heart.

"I heard The Commissioner say that it's going to be nearly a year. With all the recently exposed crooked cops and politicians, they don't want to risk letting someone in right now and they really can't give favoritism at the moment. There's a lot of shifting of positions going around, so when they reopen there's going to be a back flood of applications and the new training process is going to be three times as intense."

Izuku's heart sank to the floor.

"A year?" Izuku parroted in a desperate manner. "A year for a maybe? I-Is there really not going to be any other openings?"

"Yeah, it's tough. That's what my friend whose secretary for the Commissioner says." The man gave a sympathetic smile. "But at least in the meantime, I heard you're back together with Lieutenant Bakugou. Word through the grapevine is that he's going to get bumped up to Captain soon. He can take care of you until new detective positions open back up, right?"

Izuku gave a surprised smile but it intensely clashed with another feeling inside of his chest.

"R-Right. He can...take care of me."

He was overjoyed to hear that Katsuki was being considered for a Captain's position—it's what his lover had always wanted. What Katsuki strove towards for years non-stop and why he worked over time constantly. He was so happy for the man he loved because that was Katsuki's dream.

But hearing that his own future would be on pause for a year or more made Izuku become uneasy. He suddenly felt like he was attached to a sail on a boat that he no longer was steering and there was no anchor to cease his drifting.

He thought about his mother, father and all the dreams he had dedicated to them to keep their memory alive.

The police-work, the artistry. Getting back to his childhood home and reopening his mother's shop. It all seemed to be slipping away from him and he felt hopeless. He didn't want their passing to be chalked up to nothing. Not after their lives were collateral in his and Touya's mess and now that the only belongings he had of his only family was burned down to ashes somewhere.

Izuku had nothing.

And now there felt like there was nothing he could do but smile through the pain.

Izuku went back to the apartment that afternoon and the numb feeling stemming from his stomach took root and spread all over until he cried silently to himself. It was as if there was a large section of himself missing when he came to the conclusion his dreams would never be fully realized in the end.

He had everything snatched away from by Touya and the Shigarakis and now he was left feeling barren.

Purposeless.

After all that had happened, the void eating away at Izuku made the sadness in his core run rampant. He thought about how much he had sacrificed over and over again. Yet still, he somehow wound up with nothing to remember his parents by.

No notebooks from his father. No paintings from his mother. No childhood home. No flower shop and now—no detective's job.

He finally realized why his stomach hurt so much in a bitter manner. He connected the dots that it was because that's exactly where Touya took aim to end his life. The gunshot wounds and burns spanning across his flesh were sour reminders that he had nearly died without accomplishing anything he had set out to do. Now, Izuku feared that he may die again soon and it set an anxious rhythm inside of his chest. He realized there was no telling what could happen after such a close brush with the other side.

He had been given too many passes by fate and he doubted that she would give him another.

Everything around him was suddenly too fragile.

Watery green eyes stared at the empty luxury loft that lacked the one person he wanted to see. It was then that the echo of tiny paws ran towards him. His puppy's bark filled the home and Izuku smiled sadly and peaked around the corner as Akira ran up to his feet. She wagged her tail happily at him and it made Izuku laugh slightly while he wiped away his tears.

"I guess it'll be me and you for a year...or more." He couldn't hide the disappointment as he bent down to pick up the tiny Shiba Inu. The sullen man sauntered into the kitchen to prepare dinner for when Katsuki came back. "But your papa is going to be a Captain soon," he whispered. "At least one of us will have our dreams."

For the next month and a half, Izuku tried to adjust.

He tacked on a happy facade with the brightest smile in the world which was fueled solely by his love for Katsuki.

Every day he tried to pick up a new hobby to couple with painting in order to keep himself busy. He tested out 3D origami, extreme baking, and Katsuki even paid for a handful of random dance classes. Each new hobby left him feeling emptier than the last when Izuku realized painting alone could not fill the hole that was in his heart.

Each afternoon, Izuku went out for groceries and took Akira on her scheduled walk. He would take a good long hard look around him at Shizuoka City every time he did this. He noted how the lifestyle of the busy city folks was always something he tried to fit in with for survival while running from the Shigarakis—but now he was no longer running.

He tried to go to the limited parks that were overflowing with people, or the beaches that were jammed. The citizens accidentally stepped on his toes and bumped his shoulder impolitely without saying 'excuse me' all the time.

Izuku tried making new friends with no fruition at the gym or in the store. With all his failed attempts to form a life outside of his lover and friends at U.A, he was left with nothing to do until the weekends time and time again. So, Izuku was stuck at home. Painting by himself and playing with Akira.

Which brought him all the way to one particular night in the middle of hot June.

He was currently lying in bed side by side with Katsuki watching a movie as his lover studied a new case's files. The nighttime of the city blanketed over them as Katsuki had several fans going in the intense summer heat. Izuku smiled at the handsome blond who had his black glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Every now and then, Katsuki scrunched up his face when he read a new detail in the red colored folder that seemed to puzzle him.

Izuku smiled thinking about the possible secret promotion Katsuki would be getting soon. He deserved it.

While staring at the blond's handsomely sharp profile, Katsuki's red eyes flickered over to him and a sly smirk slid onto his face.

"Do you want to read over the file with me?" The deep voice of his lover proposed and Izuku frowned in confusion. Katsuki emphasized his question by holding up the dense file again and Izuku tilted his head.

"Are you sure?" Izuku questioned but couldn't deny the inkling of happiness that sparked at the thought.

"Of course. I don't mind at all," Katsuki chuckled. "I could use a fresh set of eyes on this and you always did have a way of putting things together in a manner no one else on the team could. You're fucking talented."

The smile on Izuku's freckled features stretched wide and he snuggled in closer to the elder man. "Alrighty, if you insist, Lieutenant."

Izuku perked up and couldn't help the joyful feeling of having a case file in his hands again. They looked through the papers and pictures together and Katsuki fed intricate details to Izuku.

It wasn't until the time crawled into the depths of night, did Izuku realize how much he missed doing this. He came to a conclusion that Katsuki should follow up on a witness testimony that may have been false and the Lieutenant gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek at the end.

"Great job as always, nerd," Katsuki whispered and Izuku could feel a familiar warmth spread all over him. "I miss having you at the station. It's not the same."

"Yeah," Izuku said distantly. "I miss being at the station too."

Katsuki huffed and looked at Izuku with a mixed expression. Izuku observed as his lover leaned back and stared at all the scattered papers on top of the red bed sheets.

"...If you want, I can start bringing home all my files and we can work on them together," Katsuki suggested with a sad smile. "I know a year is a long time to wait for uncertainty. I wish there was more me or Toshinori could do but I want you to feel like you're still very much the bright detective you are."

Izuku stared at the case sprawled out in front of him and a droplet of glum trickled into the happy mood. He realized what made him feel complete, but the circumstances were barring him from what he truly wanted.

He trialed his gaze up to Katsuki's devoted expression.

"Okay." Izuku gave a taut smile. "I would actually love that. Thank you, Kacchan."

By the time the next morning came, there was a different feeling in the air. Izuku watched from under the comforter as his lover got dressed for work. He smiled endearingly as he watched the blond fiddle with his golden cufflinks and picked out a green tie.

But the numbness inside of Izuku only grew when he eyed the two large burns on Katsuki's bare muscular back as he put on his shirt.

When his lover was out of the door after breakfast, Izuku let his shoulders sag in private. He stayed rooted at the dining table and gazed at the dirty dishes he would clean in a melancholy manner. Izuku shifted to put Akira in his lap as he scrolled down social media on his phone lazily.

He reopened his Instagram account for the first time in a long time and the vibrant image he was immediately graced with was a smiling picture of Itsuka.

His heart startled with surprise because he hadn't spoken to her since he left Yaizu nearly a year ago in hopes of keeping her safe. But there on the screen, her long ginger hair was flowing in the breeze with a handmade flower crown adding to her beauty. Izuku studied the crown and felt something inside of him twist when he realized that's what they used to do all the time. In the background was a beautiful, familiar summer green setting and she was twirling around in a sparkling egg-shell white dress.

A smile twitched on the lonely man's face. He read the location pinned to the picture.

Yaizu.

Izuku's face twisted in raw emotions as he looked around the empty luxury loft. He stared at all the happy photographs on the wall with decorated frames and then finally down to Akira in her tiny red bandana around her neck.

"Want to take a field trip today?" He asked his puppy sadly and she only wagged her tail in agreeance. "I think I need to go visit a couple people today."

. . .

Katsuki sighed after the long day finally came to a close directly on the dot of 5:00pm. He was thankful as all hell to be done with the day after being worked to the bone by Toshinori.

His Captain was giving him an influx in cases for some reason and asking his opinion on absolutely everything. The blue eyes of his superior were watching him carefully these last handful of months. Katsuki assumed Toshinori wanted to make sure he wasn't going to screw up with his emotions like he had all those years ago, but something was different.

Every time Toshinori got his advice on a new case or possible administrative decision, the older blond would give a hearty laugh and slap him hard enough on the back to accelerate his early age back problems.

The behavior was welcomed because Katsuki wanted nothing more than to appease the man he looked up to for so long. But at the moment, his thoughts were focused on getting back home to Izuku.

"See you all later, I'm going to head home early," he called out to the floor full of his squad as he walked past his best friend. Kirishima gave him a bright wave and Katsuki let a sarcastic smirk grace his sharp features. "Don't stay in the office too late you bunch of extras."

"Oh wow, that's fucking rich coming from your stiff ass!" Kirishima called out over the room full of laughter. "Tell the green bean we said hello and that we miss him!"

"Will do, shitty hair." Katsuki gave a two-fingered salute before he threw on his motorcycle jacket and fastened his brown satchel to his body.

He left the station early with a mild pep in his stride thinking about seeing the happy expression on Izuku's face to go over another case with him.

The last few months, Katsuki noted the fading expression of light in the other man's green eyes and it left him feeling nearly desperate on what to do. He knew Izuku was doubling his therapy sessions and trying to purge his emotions about what had happened, but it seemed as if Izuku was stuck. And as in stuck, Katsuki meant literally. It seemed like being cooped up in the apartment was taking a toll on Izuku but there wasn't much that could be done.

Izuku expressed that he didn't enjoy walking around shady ass Shizuoka City and personally, Katsuki didn't blame him. It was part of the reason Katsuki rarely went out and he kept his nose stuck in his work for the most part.

There wasn't much here that he truly thought Izuku would enjoy outside of him and work.

The entire ride back home on Ground Zero made Katsuki realize that if he could give Izuku the inclination of helping him work on cases, then maybe Izuku could be happy again—or at least hold him over the next year.

Which was a whole other damn issue. A very very shitty issue. On one hand, Katsuki was more than thankful that there was headway on finally revamping the bullshit system and plucking all the people who helped Enji's corruption spread. On the other hand, he was saddened that it took an accelerant like destructive ass Touya to get the job done.

And now Izuku was emotionally suffering from being out of work.

When Katsuki got home and twisted his silver key in the lock, he was immediately welcomed with the warm scent of his favorite meal. He took off his shoes and walked into the kitchen curiously to see Izuku had already set the table for dinner.

The spicy aroma of tantanmen filled the air and there was a pile of pastel colored sugary sweets on the table for him. Izuku turned to him and that loving, sweet look was flashed to him. Katsuki smiled at the warmth that coated him when Akira came running towards him. He bent down ready to give her all the love he had in the world.

"Hey you two," Katsuki said with a happy smirk while petting and cooing his puppy. "I thought it was my turn to cook tonight. You beat me to it, dork."

"Heh, I guess I couldn't wait," Izuku replied with a seemingly refreshed smile. "I wanted to make sure you enjoyed dinner tonight."

There was a glowing air around Izuku but there was something else awaiting in his eyes as well. The other man's viridian eyes held an unreadable emotion inside of them that Katsuki couldn't quite place. Katsuki sat his things down as they idly chatted but the more they chatted, he couldn't ignore the increasingly nervous aura encompassing Izuku.

They sat down to eat and gradually Izuku's leg began bouncing. Next he began fidgeting with his hands and his eyes would dance off to the side when Katsuki started discussing what was new with the squad. He wearily watched Izuku push around the noodles in his bowl and noted how his lover was barely eating.

Katsuki's heart rate tripled unsure if he should pry but he swallowed his fears and stared curiously at the green eyed beauty across the table.

"How was your day today? Did you do anything fun?" Katsuki asked.

Izuku's eyes flashed up at him from the brown broth in the bowl and the bouncing of his leg increased.

"I...I went to Yaizu today," Izuku confessed in a tiny voice. Katsuki's heart stopped, fully not anticipating that answer. "I mainly went so I could visit my parents' graves. After what happened I-I needed to and I guess subconsciously I was avoiding it."

Katsuki blinked, unsure of what the right words were.

"That's—" He started and swallowed the dry lump in his throat. He pushed his egg around in his own bowl with his chopsticks when premonition filled his veins. "That's good. I'm glad you went, 'zuku. Are you feeling okay?"

And that's when he saw Izuku's eyes glance down again—a clear sign that, no, Izuku was not feeling okay.

"Being there...made me realize something," Izuku murmured and Katsuki didn't fail to notice how he dodged the question entirely. "I think I was avoiding going back because I knew if I went, I wouldn't want to leave...and I was right. Being back in Yaizu made me realize that I'm not supposed to be here—in Shizuoka and I never really was ever supposed to. I-I don't belong—"

"What? Of course you belong here—"

"—No, no. Let me finish," Izuku quickly corrected and Katsuki felt his heart start to whisper to him where this was going. "I-I didn't mean it in that way. I meant it in the way you describe that you don't belong in Tokyo. How you knew you weren't supposed to be there...deep down."

A pang inside of Katsuki's ribcage hit him because he knew exactly what Izuku was talking about.

He hated living in Tokyo for more than just the reasons of his family. He didn't like the lifestyle or the bustling, overcrowded streets. He hated the megatrons that taunted him and he disliked all the people who never looked up for a single moment to care about who was next to them.

Shizuoka City was a less intense Tokyo that he could tolerate—but it was still the same type of atmosphere overall.

"W-When I came here, I wanted a new beginning thinking I could outrun my past but instead I only brought it here with me," Izuku said with a sad smile as he reached across the table to place his gentle hand on top of Katsuki's. "I only left Yaizu because I was trying to get away from the Shigarakis. I left my hometown because it was torn away from me by them.

"Then the entire time I've been here—Touya happened. Touya made living here a living hell and every fiber in my being always wanted to go back to see my parents but I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to because I was so sure the Shigarakis would kill me."

"But they're gone now," Katsuki filled in when he now could guess where this was going.

He blinked back the tears quickly forming in his eyes because he knew this was coming. He knew Izuku hadn't been happy the last three months and this was very much an option.

"Y-Yeah, they're gone and Touya's gone," Izuku said and tears quickly formed in forest colored eyes. "When I stood in front of my parents' graves today, I realized how much I missed being in my hometown. I walked around, visited old friends I cut contact with for the sake of their safety and did all the things I used to love doing that I could never do here in a city as big as Shizouka. Or Tokyo.

"I even talked to all of my parents' old neighbors and friends," Izuku said with a lighthearted laugh. "They had so many questions for me and they kept pinching my cheeks."

Katsuki chuckled with him and squeezed his hand because the look of happiness was so radiant on Izuku's face talking about Yaizu—like it always was.

"Then I found out the woman who owned the building with my mother's old flower shop and gallery is selling the space. Katsuki...she offered it to me at a lower price because she knows me and then I talked to one of my dad's old police friends."

Katsuki held his breath for the drop that was imminent and braced himself for his heart to shatter.

"They offered me a job as a second class detective," Izuku said through a heartbroken smile and all the tears the green eyed man was holding came pouring down. Katsuki gave a happy smile through his own tears that were rushing down his cheeks. "I-It's a rank higher than I was before. There's finally an expansion of new jobs in the police department in Yaizu after their own reformation a couple years ago."

"It's perfect. That's—" Katsuki smiled weakly before his face crumpled like paper into a devastated expression. "That's...where you belong."

"It is," Izuku wept while he nodded.

Their hands squeezed tighter and Katsuki thought back on all the things he wanted with the man in front of him that the fates just didn't seem to want to allow them to have.

"A-And I can't ask you—I-I can't ask you to give up everything you built here for me. Y-You've achieved so much here in Shizuoka City and you're only going to achieve more. You have a life here that you've spent nearly seven years building. I only showed up eleven months ago and I can't bring myself to ask you to give it all up for me on the spot."

Katsuki closed his eyes and placed his hand over his quivering mouth when he realized that Izuku was right.

Izuku shouldn't stay in Shizuoka City.

He imagined Izuku was like a rose that had been dug up and transplanted into a fruitless soil miles away from where he belonged. His petals had been stolen or burned off by someone and Izuku needed sunlight and proper care to fully shine and regrow—and Shizuoka City wasn't that place.

It was Yaizu.

He knew his lover was wilting, his spirit was being progressively worn down with each passing day. Izuku shouldn't be forced to live in a cage inside of a city that he never wanted to be inside of, or live in a manner he never wanted to. A year was too long for a maybe at happiness and Izuku had sacrificed himself too much already.

Sorrowful scarlet eyes gazed back up at Izuku whose body was shaking. His green curls hung over his face and they casted a deep blue shadow as he sniffled and held on tightly to Katsuki's hands across the table.

"I'm s-so sorry," Izuku apologized and his voice cracked at the end of his apology. "I-I don't know how this conversation was s-supposed to go—" he hiccupped and Katsuki quickly moved to walk around to the other side of the table and kneeled down directly in front of the crying man.

He attentively turned the shaking Izuku to face him and gently interlaced their hands. Everything in Katsuki's heart mourned the idea of Izuku leaving after everything.

The saddened green haired man lifted his head to reveal his tear streaked face. "I'm so s-sorry, K-Kacchan."

"It's okay, don't be sorry," Katsuki said and forced himself to smile when he felt a warm feeling inside of his chest begin to bloom. He could see conflict collide across Izuku's face like his freckled skin was a battleground.

But more importantly he saw something he always wanted for Izuku.

"I'm happy you're putting yourself first finally," Katsuki whispered and leaned down to place a loving kiss on top of Izuku's trembling hands. "I want you to start thinking of yourself, 'zuku...you deserve to after everything. You should go back to Yaizu if it makes you happy."

"B-But I don't want to leave you," Izuku begged sadly. "I love you so much. It feels wrong to leave but it also feels wrong to stay and I-I don't know what to do. Plus, y-you've done so much for me."

Katsuki 'tch'd under his breath and shook his head. "I did all of that for you so you can live out your dreams," Katsuki corrected with a signature smirk in an attempt to lift Izuku's spirits. "I didn't do it only so that we can be together like some binding contract. I did it so that you could live your life happily."

To that Izuku gave a painstakingly beautiful smile. It was thankful, mournful but overall it was as complex as the man who walked into his life one fateful night.

The way his fallen star-like freckles bent around his soft features and the shy dimple poked out of his left cheek made Katsuki's heart both soar and sink somehow in the same beat. These were the tiny details about the artist that Katsuki had come to adore. Izuku was as priceless and unique as one of his paintings, with every brush stroke being similar to his unique canvas of a body.

And every scar, burn, freckle and melodic laugh were details that allowed Katsuki to let go of his first, real love so that Izuku could be allowed to flourish.

"It's time for you to go back home, Izuku."

. . .

The next month without Izuku was calm. It was a type of calm that Katsuki had never felt because it was both full yet in the same breath, utterly empty. His heart was full knowing Izuku was back where he belonged. However, the conflicting emotion of emptiness told him something was wrong with the picture in front of him.

He was currently sitting in the break room at the temporary station scrolling down Izuku's Instagram to ease the pull in his heart. He saw the joyful green eyed man post pictures of getting the lease back for his mother's shop and happily be reinstated as a detective. His current favorite photo was a snapshot of Akira wearing Izuku's new Yaizu City Police badge around her neck while surrounded by Izuku's new friendly looking squad.

The look on Izuku's round face was finally bright again and that's when Katsuki knew they made the right decision.

Yet and still—he felt half empty.

He couldn't help but note how Izuku was still wearing his puzzle piece in all the pictures.

"Dude, did you see the official new plans for the new Uchimizu Ave police precinct!?" Denki asked him as he barged into the break room. He was waving around a tiny white and blue pamphlet in his hands as if it was the damn map to Atlantis. "We're going to be living like kings! Commissioner Nezu really came through for us!"

Katsuki exhaled roughly through his nostrils and quickly shut his phone.

"Let me have a look," he grumbled, and everyone quickly gathered around as Katsuki was handed the new blueprints. All the officers crowded around with wide, curious eyes as Katsuki spread out the folded piece of paper wide for all to see and everyone's face lit up in astonishment. "Holy—"

"—Fucking hell, man!" Kirishima gleefully shouted. He squealed loudly and aggressively shook Mina's shoulders as she clasped her hands together. "This is insane! Look at those windows, and that parking lot! No more street parking!"

Katsuki was rendered speechless.

Out of everything he was anticipating—this was not it. The new building had a modern build to it and it was designed in a manner that it was both a precinct and a rest stop for civilians to help bridge the gap between law enforcement and the public. Gold lettering of 'U.A' was designed to hang above the glass doors in the pristine all white design and it looked damn good.

Past good if Katsuki was being honest with himself. This was every workaholic's dream.

"Wow, this is honestly really impressive," Monoma said with a low whistle. The other lieutenant sipped his coffee casually and gave a nod of approval. "I have to admit I'm a little jealous of you, Bakugou."

Katsuki didn't know what to say because he felt—

—Close to nothing.

"Yeah," he whispered confused when his chest didn't swell with pride or flutter with excitement. "This is...great."

Monoma smiled at him, completely ignorant to the raging war that just ignited inside of the puzzled workaholic. He should be fucking ecstatic right now. Jumping up and down and shoving it down his rival's throat. He always dreamed of working in a better designed station given that's where he basically spent the previous four years of his life.

However, the past year was different.

He then realized that there was something the new blueprints didn't have and never would.

"You guys have to admit," Momo started with a graceful air around her. "Despite everything, there's something oddly poetic about how some of the most beautiful things come after everything has been burned down. Like soot is groundwork for new beginnings and life."

Katsuki stayed silent as he let his comrade's words settle in his thoughts.

After several more comments and chatting, everyone started to go back to work with Kirishima, Sero, and Denki continuing to gawk at their new station. The trio went into full blown fanboy mode and talked about all the different new common rooms, computers, and resources that were going to be available.

Katsuki walked off instead of joining in. The lonely blond stationed himself off in the corner and decided to fill up another cup of dark liquid inside of his mug. In that moment while stuck in the deep crevasses of his thoughts, Katsuki didn't notice how Shouto stationed himself next to him in a knowing manner.

"Hey, can I ask you a small question?" Shouto began but Katsuki didn't look up as he mixed his creamer inside of his coffee.

"Of course, ask me whatever," Katsuki said offhandedly not entirely paying attention. His thoughts were too stuck on pretty dark green curls.

"How is Izuku? He seems so busy recently, I can barely reach him."

This time Katsuki paid attention. He finally turned his eyes to Shouto and had no clue on where to even explain that—or if he even wanted to. The pain in his chest tripled.

"I think he's tied up setting up his new art gallery and getting settled in at work. Or at least that's what I see through social media," Katsuki muttered under his breath. He thought about all the happy photos of Izuku posted online and tried to ignore the pining in his heart. "He hasn't really reached out to me too much either. A text here and there and some pictures...but it's limited. I think it's easier for him this way."

"...And how are you feeling about all of this?" Shouto asked while still treading carefully. "You haven't talked much about it either. It's been a month since he left and his birthday is coming up."

"I'm happy that he's happy," Katsuki reinforced because it had to be true.

He had to be happy for Izuku. And if Izuku was better off in Yaizu—then fine. His own needs weren't more important than Izuku's after all the bullshit they were dragged through by self destructive assholes. Examples given: Enji, Touya and even goddamn Mirio.

"I'm actually really relieved he decided to put himself first after everything, y'know?" Katsuki said more so to himself. He straightened his back as he watched his coffee turn from dark brown to a smooth mocha color. "Even if that means being without me. I'm glad that the nerd is thinking about his own needs for once."

"Well, technically Izuku never said that," Shouto corrected.

"...What the hell are you talking about?" Katsuki frowned and narrowed his sharp gaze. "You weren't there when he was sobbing in my damn kitchen. I think I remember what he said to me very clearly."

"I know, but I talked to him after. He only said that he couldn't stay in Shizuoka City—not be without you," Shouto calmly explained. "I think he didn't want to propose to you moving with him because of the new position you're about to get. He's still Izuku at the end of the day, caring all about others more than himself."

At this Katsuki paused at the latter half of what his friend said. The blond's mouth hung open slightly and he tilted his head when he couldn't figure out what that meant.

"What new position are you talking about?" Katsuki harshly whispered and his expression became down right baffled.

Shouto's eyes widened by several fractions and Katsuki felt his nostrils flare in irritation. What the fuck was going on—

"Izuku didn't tell you?" Shouto said and quickly scanned all the other nearby officers.

Katsuki shook his head slowly mildly out of worry because what the hell was about to be sprung on him now? Everything had finally settled down and he didn't know if his brain could take another surprise after this past year.

The youngest Todoroki leaned in slightly and in a hushed tone whispered, "He had heard a while ago that you're going to be—"

"—Bakugou!" Toshinori's voice boomed into the break room. Both young detectives startled at the authoritative calling of Katsuki's surname and turned around quickly. "If it's a good time, I would like to speak to you in my office about something important."

Shouto and Katsuki exchanged glances.

. . .

Katsuki sat down in the blue chair of Toshinori's temporary office absolutely fucking confused. He stared up at all the awards, certificates and trophies that he knew damn well were lost in old precinct. They sparkled and glimmered as if nothing happened. It was as if someone had somehow protected them from being burned in the fire that happened several months ago.

Just when Katsuki thought he might be hallucinating, his Captain lifted up a very large heavy box from behind his desk. Toshinori gave a grunt as he dropped it on the table with a grin brighter than the damn sun.

"What is this?" Katsuki questioned and wrinkled his brow. The confused lieutenant stood up carefully to peer over inside of the brown box and was even more floored to see more of what was neatly tucked inside.

Familiar gold medallions, awards, pins and pictures were stacked on top of each other, glittering in their promised glory.

"It's the replacements for all your awards from Commissioner Nezu," Toshinori chuckled with a fatherly laughter. "He decided to get all the U.A officers their awards remade after the rescue mission's success and also for helping out in reforming the police department. A large thank you gesture after everything in our precinct was destroyed."

Katsuki reached his hand inside of the box and blinked hard several times because he had utterly forgotten about all of this shit.

He picked up one of the trophies he remembered shining and putting directly on his desk after he received it. He had been so proud of it and wanted everyone to see it when they walked in his office so that they knew what he had accomplished. To know that he was worth something.

But somehow in the midst of the past year—Katsuki had forgotten it's entire existence.

Before the young blond could stop himself, small laughter bubbled from deep down inside of Katsuki's chest as he looked at all the things inside of the brown box. Katsuki tried to stop it but couldn't control his chuckling as he looked down at all the things he used to hold so dearly.

"What's so funny?" Toshinori asked in a perplexed voice. Katsuki cleared his throat and straightened out his face.

"Nothing. I—" The young Lieutenant shook his head quickly and shoved down another chuckle. He gave what used to be his favorite achievement award a look of amusement. "Sorry. I had forgotten how easily replaceable all of this stuff is for a really long time, that's all. It's a little ironic to see it all here again in mint condition."

Then in that moment he realized what would never be replaceable and why he felt half full.

His eyes flickered to the framed picture of all three Midoriyas on Toshinori's desk that the Captain always kept. Izuku's parents were happily smiling holding up a tiny toddler version of Izuku between them. The mini Izuku was grinning brighter than all the stars combined while wearing his father's police hat that was too big for his head.

Katsuki couldn't help but crack a smirk when he could feel the love captured in that moment in time radiate through a single picture.

"By the way, how is...Izuku?" Katsuki said quietly as his eyes gazed over the box full of his accomplishments. "Have you spoken to him at all? He seems rather busy nowadays. Not even Shouto can reach him."

"You haven't spoken to him?" Toshinori pried as he seemed the tiniest bit surprised.

"No. I figured I would give him space to readjust and take a breather to himself." Katsuki shook his head in a dejected manner and he didn't miss how blue eyes flickered down to his wrist that was still displaying his matching charm bracelet.

"Well, he seems to be doing well," Toshinori said with an understanding smile. "I took a trip out to visit Yaizu last weekend and while I was there, it seems like Izuku is blending in really easily into the force in Yaizu again. The art gallery is set to go for its opening next week I believe but...I think he's stretching himself mildly thin."

Katsuki's attention piqued. He shouldn't be worried about Izuku but deep down, he couldn't help it.

"What do you mean?" He asked and Toshinori's eyes assessed him very cautiously.

The large man sat down at his desk and Katsuki took a seat as well. In that moment, Toshinori folded his hands and thoughtfully looked at the family picture of the Midoriyas by his computer.

"He's been working a lot of extra shifts at the station and trying to sell a large chunk of paintings so he can purchase back his childhood home," Toshinori confessed.

The image of Izuku bustling around scraping for cash entered Katsuki's brain and felt himself conflicted.

...Why didn't he ask me for the money? Katsuki frowned slightly.

"He's always been very attached to that house which I can't blame him for," Toshinori continued. A blue expression painted over Toshinori's face while looking upon the shining pictures of his old best friends. "His parents had it custom built so it's one of a kind. Inko and Hisashi had bought it when they were pregnant with Izuku and it was supposed to be their gift to him once they finished paying it all off...but things change. Not all dreams are fully realized."

Katsuki felt his heart grow heavy at the harsh reality of Toshinori's words.

"That's actually very sweet about the house, I didn't know that," Katsuki said with a saccharine smile. He tried his best to snap himself out of his worried thoughts because knowing that fiercely determined green haired man, Izuku would get his way. "I'm sure he'll be able to buy it back in no time then with the doubling down on work."

"Well, maybe not." Toshinori grimaced and folded his hands in deep thought. "Unfortunately, there's wind that someone else is interested in the home and may put a down payment on it soon unless Izuku can come up with the money to outbid them."

This time, Katsuki couldn't shake himself from his thoughts.

He's going to lose his parents' home.

Katsuki's mouth hung open in shock but before he could process it fully, Toshinori drew himself out of his own pensive state.

"But—as much as I love Izuku, he's not what I wanted to talk to you about," his Captain quickly changed the subject. However, Katsuki's brain couldn't move off Izuku—like always. "I truthfully called you in here today to offer you something I know you always wanted."

What he wanted.

Katsuki's eyes glanced between the pile of awards and the happy pictures of the Midoriyas.

"As of next week, I am leaving my position as Captain of the Uchimizu Ave precinct and stepping up to be Chief of Police." Toshinori informed him and Katsuki snapped his eyes up, completely caught off guard. "I originally didn't want to, but the Commissioner told me that he wanted someone he trusted wouldn't fall to corruption. He believes in the future I'll be quick to get rid of any corruption in the position of power to help keep the changes we all are working so hard for."

"That's perfect for you, sir," Katsuki said with a proud smirk. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, son. But, since I am stepping down, I actually was hoping you would take my spot."

"As Captain?" Katsuki clarified with wide eyes. The world came to a crashing stop and Katsuki's heart halted.

"Yup! I want you to become the Captain of the Uchimizu Ave precinct and if you choose to accept, I'll have Yaoyorozu become Lieutenant. The Commissioner already signed off approval for the shifting of positions and he believes you're an excellent fit for it and I do too."

Katsuki was rendered speechless as he stared at the two things in front of him again. The pile of golden recognition and loving, green colored eyes.

What he wanted.

His thoughts began to dive into slow motion as he considered what exactly did he want? Katsuki had been so sure of it in the past. But now, looking upon all the superficial, replaceable trophies he realized how much as a facade it always was.

He had only ever wanted the recognition and love he never received growing up. He wanted to help people in the way his parents never let him help them and he wanted the validation he was deprived of that he was doing good in the world.

All the certificates, titles and metals were all just a single layer of validation in the end for his good deeds.

"You've displayed outstanding bravery, maturity and leadership this past year, especially on the hostage rescue mission. You handled the arson case with the utmost care and even in observing you the last few months, I truly believe you're ready for this level of responsibility. It would make me tremendously proud to see you be Captain of that new precinct."

Everything sped up around him as Katsuki snapped himself back to the present.

Toshinori pulled out a small black box and cracked it open to reveal a unique pin he always dreamed off since he was nineteen. He saw Aizawa with it. He saw Toshinori with it and he saw Enji with it so long ago.

Sitting inside the box against a velvet red interior, were the golden wings of a Shizuoka City police Captain.

And they were being handed directly to him.

"So, what do you say, Bakugou?"

Red eyes flickered off to the side to stare at emerald eyes.

. . .

"You said no?" Kirishima yelled into his apartment's living room.

His two married best friends were staring at him in a flabbergasted manner but Shouto was gazing upon him in a curious manner. The four of them were currently stationed around chatting over dinner. News of his possible promotion was fully let loose and everyone had anticipated that he was going to take it.

However, they all flipped out when Katsuki walked out without his golden wings.

"I told him I didn't want it, or at least not right now," Katsuki explained casually and flopped down on his couch while he searched on his phone looking for something very specific. "They'll bring in another person just as qualified when I officially reject the offer next month and Momo will be Lieutenant."

"But why did you reject it?" Mina whispered worriedly. "I thought being Captain was what you always wanted? I thought it was your dream?"

"I thought it was my dream too," Katsuki admitted. He leaned back lazily as he stared up at all the portraits of him and Izuku he hadn't had the heart to take down yet. "I'm not too sure I want to continue laying roots here. I love you guys and I love everything about U.A—but there's something missing here for me that I always ignored. It always felt so damn cold to me but I settled on it because I was like, 'hey at least it's not fucking Tokyo'."

He looked at the picture of him and Izuku on New Years together and it all clicked together in his heart.

"But now I finally see it. Shizuoka City never felt like home to me."

"Are you going to move back to Tokyo with your family then?" Kirishima questioned with a slight pout on his face.

Katsuki shook his head. "Naw, Tokyo never felt home either."

"What has felt like home to you then?" Shouto finally asked. Scarlet eyes trailed over to his friend and sitting inside was a knowing look and small knowing smile. Shouto knew but Katsuki said it anyway.

"Izuku," Katsuki confessed and a smirk spread across his face. "Izuku has always felt like home."

"That's so romantic," Mina whispered and clutched her hand above her heart. "So that's it? You're going to chase him all the way to Yaizu? What about work and all of that?"

"I asked Toshinori to make a few calls and we found out there's a Lieutenant's position available in Yaizu." Katsuki's smirk started to spread wider as colorful dreams of the future began to trickle in. "And it's at a different station than the one Izuku is at. All the puzzle pieces fit. They fit really well. It's as if there's stars aligning somewhere."

"I think you know what you have to do then," Shouto commented with a warm expression.

"Yeah, I think you do," Kirishima said with a deep sigh and then turned around to look at all around them. "You know, your grumpy ass did always hate this apartment."

They all laughed in unison and Katsuki's smirk transformed into a bright grin when he finally found what he was looking for on his phone.

"Yeah...I really fucking did, huh?"

He studied a tiny blue 'For Sale' sign on a particular house in Yaizu.

---

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you are enjoying the ride as we officially wind down. There are two more chapters left and it is making me feel very bittersweet to see this project come to a close within the next month or so.

Please let me know how you feel and I look forward to reading your reviews!