The camera opened on Freakazoid as he looked our way, while he stood in the middle of a Central Dogma set.
Freakazoid [in Paul Rugg's 'serious Jerry Lewis' voice]: "You know, I'd just like to pause here a minute and say-what a GAS and a sagacious experience it has been, working on this unique and unconventional cross-franchise, east-meets-west crossover."
He then started walking along the rest of the studio sound stage while various cast and crew commiserated or went about their tasks to get ready for upcoming scenes.
Freakazoid: "And it's because, I walked onto the set today and everyone looked at me and, you know what they said? 'This is fun, we're having a terrific time here. It's gonna be fun, fun, fun!'."
Freakazoid then passed by the chair occupied by our announcer, a returning Joe Leahy.
Freakazoid: "It's been so great, working with a lot of returning faces. Like Joey Leahy here-great to have him narrating again, he is such a card. Couldn't get through a show without hearing his pipes announcing the action. Go ahead, tell me you couldn't imagine the show without him, because of course you can't." [Freakazoid then shook a grinning Joe's hand before continuing on.]
Freakazoid then passed by a couple of NERV's senior staff on break from shooting. He first stopped by Ritsuko's chair while the chief scientist was getting her hair and makeup done for the next scene.
Freakazoid: "And then we've got the newcomers. Like Melissa Joan Hart here-big, big fan of her work, real sweetheart off the set, and she has been killing it as Dr. Akagi, the casting director was right on the money when they brought her in." [Ritsuko then looked up at Freakazoid, who smiled back at her.] "Like I said, big fan of your work since Clarissa, and I stuck through with the entirety of Melissa and Joey, always made my Thursday nights. Keep up the good work!"
Freakazoid then moved on to the next chair, leaving a slightly perplexed Ritsuko in his wake. The next chair turned out to be occupied by Sub-commander Fuyutsuki, reading an issue of Variety.
Freakazoid: "And Malcolm McDowell-witty? I think so, always has been, no matter the role, he is just that good." [As he walked on, Fuyutsuki arched an eyebrow as if hearing his name mentioned.]
He then passed by the four EVA pilots-respectively, from left-to-right, Shinji, Asuka, Rei, and Toji-chatting while they each nibbled on something from the commissary table.
Freakazoid: "And how about those playing the pilots?" [The EVA pilots looked up, surprised to see Freakazoid extolling their praises.] "Greg, Mae, Grey, Chuck-consummate professionals, all, and they're excelling in the roles. Have you ever in your life been filled with more joy when hearing their voices, whether religious experiential or not? I love 'em, all of them! (We'll hug after the show.) Anyway, I just needed to say all that, thank you. And now, our next chapter!"
Episode 22 - Battle Preparations (or, How Much is That Mecha in the Window?)
Gendo Ikari was feeling wary. He just couldn't shake the feeling that something baffling was going to happen to him the minute he walked out his front door. Giving a brief look from side-to-side from the threshold, confirming that there were no tripwires or errant rakes, he finally walked out the door. A slight touch of paranoia made him turn around to look back at his home-and what greeted him made him grit his teeth in frustration. All over his home was spray-painted graffiti, and all of the words were insults directed towards him. Gendo immediately pulled out his cellphone and made a call.
"Get a cleaning crew to my residence immediately," the commander of NERV ordered. "...Reason? Well somehow, in the middle of the night, my house was tagged!...I'm saying that someone spray-painted insults all over my house! In Danish, no less!...YES, I understand Danish, so I can tell you that those words were very disparaging! Now get a crew out here to clean all of this off!"
With that, Gendo let out an exasperated sigh as he hung up and put the phone back in his pocket as he got into the car. Yet again, he and his driver failed to notice the gnome-shaped objects on his lawn, posed like they were laughing so hard they were rolling on the ground.
NERV HQ, a couple of hours later...
Gendo and Fuyutsuki were engaged in their usual round of Go in the former's office as they discussed something that stuck out in the days following the battle with the 13th Angel.
"The 14th Angel's late," Fuyutsuki noted as he made another move on the board.
"So I've noticed," Gendo replied as he pondered his counter-move. "According to the Scrolls, the 14th was supposed to show up a short while after the 13th's defeat. And yet it's been almost an entire month."
"I wonder what threw it off-schedule..." Fuyutsuki said as he moved another piece.
Off the coast of Japan, almost two weeks earlier...
On one eerily calm early morning, all was peaceful along the coastline of an abandoned beach town. Peaceful, that is, until the waters erupted as a gigantic shape emerged, glinting in the brightness of the morning sun. Zeruel, the Angel of Might, with its bulky form and frightening, alien-looking skull-like face, had arrived to carry out its purpose. It let out a roar as it rose from the waves like many a kaiju in many a cheap 1960's monster movie and made its way to the shore, finally coming up on land. When it moved past the beaches, it unexpectedly found its progress blocked by something that left it extremely befuddled.
Standing in the way of its journey to Tokyo-3 was a customs checkpoint. Unbeknownst to the colossal monstrosity that was the 14th Angel, Freakazoid had quickly and quietly set the checkpoint up in anticipation of its arrival as a stalling tactic. The checkpoint was manned by a squat, boxy-looking guard droid, complete with a uniform. The guard in question emerged from the booth the moment the gate came down in front of Zeruel, a clipboard in-hand.
"ATTENTION," the guard droid said. "ALL INCOMING VISITORS ARE TO ASSEMBLE INTO A SINGLE-FILE LINE TO AWAIT ENTRY. IN THE INTERESTS OF MAINTAINING THIS ISLAND NATION'S ECOSYSTEMS AND TO PREVENT THE INTRODUCTION OF INVASIVE SPECIES, WE ARE CHECKING ALL VISITORS FOR ANY TRACES OF FOREIGN MATTER."
Zeruel was dumbstruck, instantly realizing that it had accumulated an enormous amount of foreign matter on its person during its journey to Japan. The giant Angel grumbled to itself as the other guard droids exited the booth and began the long and arduous process of collecting all the foreign matter off of its person-and given its size, the entire inspection was going to take quite some time. Zeruel, sighing with resignation, immediately grabbed some magazines off of a rack in a nearby abandoned store and set about reading them while the guard droids went to work.
Tokyo-3, present day...
School had let out for the day, and Kensuke found himself walking alongside Mayumi over to her place. For a while now, the two of them had been doing study sessions almost as much as Kensuke found the time to hang out with Shinji and Toji at the arcade. Of the times where they'd studied together, this would be the first time Kensuke was going to Mayumi's place for once.
"Thanks for coming over today," Mayumi said. "It's a nice change of pace from the library or your apartment."
"Ah, I don't mind," Kensuke replied. "Besides, I've been curious about your home library for a while now."
"I hope you'll like it," she said as they reached the front door to her apartment, which she promptly opened.
"I'm home!" she said as they walked in.
"Welcome home," came a new voice. Its owner, a slightly-taller girl with short, brown hair and blue eyes, came from the hallway to greet them as they entered. Kensuke recognized her immediately.
"Kirishima? What're you doing here?" he wondered. He knew Mana Kirishima by reputation mainly, as she was the ace of the school's engineering club. She and two other members, Musashi "Lee" Strasberg and Keita Asari, had won a regional drone competition last year with their entry, a miniature dart-firing flyer named the TRIDENT.
"Well, I do happen to live here," she answered with a chuckle.
"I should've mentioned," Mayumi started to say with a hint of bashfulness, "Mana's my stepsister. Our parents were married a few years back."
"Speaking of," Mana said as she pointed to the two adults approaching the open door. "Welcome home!"
"Hi girls!" the woman of the house said as she slipped her shoes off.
"Looks like you must be this boy Mayumi's told us so much about," the man of the house said as he extended a hand to Kensuke. "Eiji Kirishima, honored to meet you."
Kensuke shook Eiji's hand. "Uh, same here, sir," he replied.
"And I'm Hideko Yamagishi," the woman said as she shook Kensuke's hand as well.
"Nice to meet you," Kensuke returned. They seem like nice people, Freakazoid commented. I know what you mean, Kensuke thought back, if you hadn't set up that diversion for the next Angel, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
From there, Kensuke and Mayumi headed into the latter's room to get their studying out of the way. Once done, she invited him to stay for dinner, and after consulting with his own father on the phone, he was given permission and joined them. As they ate, Kensuke wound up getting to know Mayumi's family a little better. He learned that Eiji worked as a designer for a toy company, meaning Kensuke was very familiar with some of his handiwork; and that Hideko worked as editor for a newspaper, with her overseeing the editorial cartoonists working there. After finishing dinner, Kensuke said his goodbyes to the Yamagishis/Kirishimas, while setting up the next session with Mayumi. Once he was far from their apartment building, he quickly ducked into an alley. One flash of light later, and Freakazoid was on patrol again.
So what're we gonna do about the Angel? Kensuke asked. That checkpoint won't keep him away forever...
"I know, I know," Freakazoid replied. "I've been mulling over how to handle the guy myself. Like I told Dr. Ikari, I'm not planning on jacking an EVA again, that felt really icky." He then paused a moment as he stood atop a fire hydrant, his hand holding his chin in contemplation. "What we need is something just as big, with a lot of firepower that can pack a punch. What we need...is a super-robot!"
...You're kidding, right? Kensuke asked, one eyebrow arched.
"Why not?" Freakazoid said. "Spider-Man had one."
That was a TV show made here in the 70's! Kensuke countered. Other than that, even if they were around, where would you get one? I mean it's not like...Waitaminute-!
"What? What're you getting at?" Freakazoid asked his 'roommate'.
I just remembered-there actually is something we could use! Kensuke answered excitedly. There's a catch though-you might need to convince Japan Heavy Chemical Industries to part with it.
"I'm sure I could manage," Freakazoid said with a confident grin.
Japan Heavy Chemical Industries headquarters, office of the CEO...
"...And that's why you should let me have it," Freakazoid said, having just finished giving his pitch to Shotaro Shimamura, the head of the company.
Shimamura thought over the superhero's proposal, thinking back to the humiliation the company had to endure in the wake of their project's disastrous unveiling. Realizing that Freakazoid's offer had some merit, Shimamura stood up from his desk and extended his hand.
"You have yourself a deal," the CEO said as he and Freakazoid shook on it.
"All right! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just take it to go," Freakazoid said as he zipped out of the office, a gust of wind in his wake just barely causing the CEO's toupee to nearly blow off. Soon, the wacky wonder arrived at a warehouse owned by the company and stepped inside. He took a long look a the immense, metallic hulk covered underneath some tarp, and whistled in amazement.
"Man, this is just what I was looking for!" Freakazoid excitedly said. He then got out his laptop, keyed in a sequence, and then proceeded to digitize the giant piece of hardware into a save folder, causing the tarp being held up by it to collapse. Freakazoid then bounded for the Freakalair, where he went right to one of the large workshops within. He then took the laptop back out, pressed a button, and materialized the machine into the empty workspace.
"What've we got here, laddie?" R.O.D.D.Y. asked as he looked the new addition over with a discerning digital eye.
"Quite the customizing project, that's what," Freakazoid replied, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Better clear everyone's calendars, R.O.D.D.Y.-it's gonna be a loooong week..."
To be continued...
**Author's Note(s)**
And you have just been reading the prelude to the big battle with Zeruel. How will our hero(es) handle him in this take? Well, considering what happened in "NERV Gets Juiced", it'll involve another familiar piece of technology from early in the run of NGE...
The opening teaser riffs on a fourth-wall breaking scene from episode 2 of Freakazoid, where Freakazoid himself breaks character and references some of the show's voice cast (with their characters 'backstage' as if they were real live actors) in a spoof of Jerry Lewis's telethons-a scene that was completely improvised by Paul Rugg himself. (I've also hinted at this crossover's 'voice cast', which you'll see in the 'credits' section following this story's conclusion.)
Since the Lawn Gnomes originally came from Denmark, the graffiti insults would of course be Danish just to mess with Gendo further.
Zeruel being stymied by customs is a nod to the Freakazoid episode "Freakazoid is History!", where our hero changes the past by stopping the Japanese fighter planes from bombing Pearl Harbor using a (flying) customs checkpoint ("We're checking for fruits, vegetables, and torpedoes!").
Once again, I've given Mayumi and Mana a familial connection. No doubt you noticed my little Easter egg regarding Mana's role in the Girlfriend of Steel video game. Mana's father is named for special effects legend Eiji Tsubaraya, while Mayumi's mother is named after Hideko Mizuno a manga-ka who is considered a pioneer of manga due to her developing it as a real storytelling medium.
Freakazoid, making the case for having a super-robot, refers to the 1978 Spider-Man TV series by Toei, which in addition to giving him a different origin, is also known for giving him his own giant robot (Leopardon).
The name of the CEO is a portmanteau of Shotaro Ishinomori, the creator of Cyborg 009, and fittingly of one of the franchise's characters, 009 himself (Joe Shimamura).
And now, some furry fun!
OMAKE 8 - Necessity is the Mother of In(ter)vention
Freakazoid, Misato, Kaji, Maya, and the pilots were standing outside the door to Ritsuko's apartment. Freakazoid proceeded to knock on the door, and after about a minute, Ritsuko opened it up a little bit, revealing her face.
"Ummm...can I help you?" the scientist asked.
"Actually, doctor," Freakazoid said, "your friends are here to help you."
The others nodded in agreement.
"...And what exactly do I need help with?" Ritsuko asked confusingly.
"Don't take this the wrong way, sempai," Maya replied uneasily, "but it's about your, uh...problem."
"...Define 'problem'," Ritsuko said with no small amount of skepticism.
"Rits, we're all just concerned for you, that's it," Kaji said, holding his hands defensively.
"...I don't follow," Ritsuko replied, still unconvinced.
Misato then nonchalantly proceeded to push the front door all the way open, pointing to just what it was that they were all implying. The others' eyes went wide when they saw the extent of what they were dealing with.
All over Ritsuko's apartment were cats-lots of them. And not just any cats. Over in one corner were Garfield, Nermal, Stimpy, and Heathcliff, dozing off next to a couple of empty food bowls. Next to the couch, Kirara, Azrael, Scratchy, and Snowball II were clawing on a scratching post. Snoozing in another part of the living room were Mr. Jinks, Top Cat, Benny the Ball, Felix, and MAD Cat, who was clutching a Hello Kitty plushie. On the coffee table, Eek, Boo, Artemis, and Luna played Four-Square with a ball of yarn. Floating by a couple of framed posters for That Darn Cat! and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was Streaky the Super-Cat. Fiddling around with some toy mice were Tom, Butch, Babbit and Catstello, Sylvester, Penelope, and Furrball. Simon's Cat trotted up to the gathered party and, as usual, the first thing it did was point to its open mouth, implying 'feed me!'.
"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, I do NOT have a problem," Ritsuko said with no small amount of denial, arms folded.
"Face it, Rits, you're turning into a cat lady!" Misato sternly insisted as she walked over to a random door in the apartment.
"I am NOT," Ritsuko bit back through gritted teeth.
"Then explain this," Misato said as she opened the door to another room. Once she did, a bound and gagged Catwoman, Catra, Train Heartnet, Beerus, and Felicia (from Darkstalkers) fell out, further shocking the rest of the group. They became more surprised when Salem Saberhagen landed (naturally, on his feet) on top of the tied-up quintet.
"FINALLY!" he said with relief in his voice. "I was wondering if ANYONE would ever come! Don't get me wrong, much as I find Selina and Felicia here gorgeous, it was really getting stuffy in there."
The others did a double-take from Ritsuko to Salem and co. and back. Ritsuko herself was starting to become overwhelmingly sheepish and embarrassed.
"Um...I...Well..." Ritsuko tried to get out.
Freakazoid then turned to face us. "Sorry, folks, looks like this is gonna take a while..." he said as he shook his head.
**Author's additional note: I own nothing of any of the parent companies who own these cat or cat-themed characters. Today's omake was inspired by a piece of fan art by cartoonist Caanan Grall titled "Catwoman the cat lady", which can be found on DeviantArt.**