MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM
Chapter 21 - Claws
After Kate had finished her turn watching out for James and trying to get him to respond to… well, anything at all, really… she made it a point to grab Tyler (who had fallen asleep in Hank's office) on her way out to inform him that his pregnant wife needed some spoiling and that this was not an argument that they were going to have - not that she expected him to argue with something like that.
"I expect you to bring your kids down to play with my grandbaby all the time, seeing as they'll be so close in age," Kate informed him in a totally no-nonsense tone, one hand on her hip and the other pointing a finger in his face to emphasize to him that she absolutely meant every word.
"Only if you bring your grandbaby up to visit sometimes too. You're the one with instant transport; I can't do all the work here," Tyler teased right back, which got an affectionate sort of huff out of Kate as she hit him lightly on the arm.
"I keep slipping Chelsea to your wife anyway. She looked like she needed that reminder of the fun part of babies, you know?" Kate said as they stepped into the elevator.
"Well, twins," Tyler said with a sheepish kind of look. "She's pretty miserable lately, and I can't do a thing about it." He shook his head. "Can't heal what happens naturally."
"But it's sweet that you want to try," Kate said, squeezing his arm.
When they got upstairs, Tammy was of course where Kate had left her with Chelsea, though both of them were passed out asleep - which had Kate making a little 'aww' noise from the very back of her throat. And nearby, K was on the couch in the living room, partly reclined with her eyes closed and frowning to herself with a little blonde girl half wrapped around her, though it was clear K was whispering something to the little girl. And the blonde was nodding solemnly to all of it.
Kate smiled widely as she stepped in the door with Tyler. "And who's this?" she asked warmly.
K glanced up at her and tipped her head to the side. "It's complicated, but her name is Lily."
Kate smiled at the little girl as she made her way over, and Tyler gave her a warm smile as well and a wave - but as soon as Lily saw Tyler, she let out a strangled, terrified sort of sound and scrambled into K's arms, clutching K's shirt and sobbing hysterically.
"No, no," K said, hugging her closer and letting her hide her face. "Hey, it's okay, that's not who you think it is," she said quietly. "He's like you - a very sweet kid. His name is Tyler."
Tyler had stopped where he was, frowning and honestly concerned on seeing Lily's reaction, though he was sure to give her his very warmest smile when she looked up at him. "I promise I won't hurt you," he said quietly before he gestured to Tammy asleep with Chelsea. "I just came to say hi to my wife. She's very pretty, isn't she?"
Lily barely picked her head up from K, still clearly terrified, before she glanced over at Tammy and very slowly nodded while big, fat alligator tears rolled down her cheeks.
"If he was anything like Sabretooth, I would have killed him myself by now," K promised. "Tyler is a good guy, and he has scars from his dad just like you do." She gave Tyler an almost apologetic look but kept Lily close, trying to settle her out.
Eventually, Lily did look up at Tyler again, her nose scrunched up as she tried to work it out. After all, Tyler hadn't done a thing that was mean yet. "So … so he's a … he's a brover?" she asked slowly.
"Yes," K agreed, nodding. "He's a brother."
Lily bit her lip as she looked over at Tyler and then nodded slowly. "O-tay," she said before she put her face back in K's chest.
"You want to know something neat about Tyler?" K asked, trying to catch her gaze. "He really, really made Sabretooth mad because he can heal other people when they get hurt."
Lily picked her head up at that, her eyes wide, before she looked over at Tyler in concern. "Is Tywer o-tay?" she asked K in a whisper. "Das reawy scawy when Samertoof is mad."
K smiled at that and shook her head. "Tyler is fine. Logan killed Sabretooth a long time ago."
"And I've got a new dad now," Tyler said. "A much better one."
"You'll like him," K said. "He's like a giant blue teddy bear."
Lily smiled at that and looked back toward Tyler. "Das good you gots a new dad." She held up her hand to show all five fingers, frowned at her hand, then took a moment to pin down two fingers and hold her hand up again. "I gots fwee new dads."
As Tyler grinned at the little girl, Kate cleared her throat. "Okay. The love fest of the blondes is adorable but um. Isn't this… physically… impossible?" she asked, gesturing to the tiny girl.
"She's mine in a different reality," K said. "Billy and I are sharing custody. So like she said, this little sweetie gets three dads."
Kate grinned at that. "You're really lucky, Lily. Billy is one of my best friends in the universe."
Lily smiled. "I wike him."
"Me too." Kate leaned forward with a spark of trouble in her gaze. "I've got lots of good stories about him from when he was a kid if you ever want to hear them."
Lily glanced up at K and let out a little giggle, then covered her mouth with both hands as she scrunched up, still giggling.
"You're going to want to give Kate a hug," K told her quietly. "Since she's going to be your Godmother."
Lily looked up at Kate with wide eyes before and a gasp before she very quickly hopped down and climbed up to wrap her arms around Kate's neck in a hug, and Kate broke into a little surprised laugh before she hugged her right back.
"Oh yeah," Kate said. "You're going to be totally spoiled."
K turned toward Tyler with a little shake of her head. "Apparently, this is what we get when I have a tiny Creed in a weapons facility." She shrugged. "Still way sweeter than most. And smart as a whip."
"All of which she gets from you," he said with a smirk.
"Obviously. So far, all she got from your dad was the coloring."
"We'll see which way the claws go eventually," Tyler pointed out.
"Should be able to tell now if we took an X-ray, but she's shy of labs. So let's not do that unless she needs it," K said.
Tyler nodded his agreement. "I could probably tell from a scan, but we'll wait until she's a little less…" He gestured toward her.
"Let her get to know you better," K agreed. "Just keep being your sweet self and it'll be no time." She leaned closer to Tyler. "She's got a sweet tooth. That also is not from me."
Tyler leaned forward. "Oh, so is that where I get it from?"
"I assumed your mother was like that, but I know for a fact Victor had a major thing for junk food. Of all kinds," K said.
"I'll file that away under 'things I keep learning about the guy'," Tyler said, shaking his head. He glanced toward Lily and then smiled K's way. "But just so you're warned, that's my little sister. So she's invited to family events from now on."
"Good. I think for the crap start she had - and the fact that I'm pretty sure she watched her reality's version of me die - she needs all the family she can get."
Tyler frowned at that and pulled K into a quick hug. "Yeah, if you could not do that here, we'd all appreciate it. For the record."
She smirked up at him before she gave him a hug back. "Yeah, no plans for that. I have obligations to attend to. One in particular that I am rather fond of."
"Just the one?" Tyler asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.
"No, of course not, but the one is the reason for the others," K replied. "So it's kind of important to me that I keep him happy."
Tyler just chuckled at that. "I can understand that." He tipped his head toward his sleeping wife. "I mean, I got pretty lucky that way too."
"You just needed someone to see past the horrible and tragic family resemblance and realize you were the sweetest blonde around," K said.
"Second sweetest," Tyler said with a smirk. "Tammy's got that title."
"Oooh, I don't know. I may have to give it to Teddy. By obligation now, you know."
Tyler chuckled. "Well, if we're going by obligation, even if my mom's more gray than blonde now…"
"And we'll just have to see where Lily falls on the scale once she gets past the trauma," K said with a nod.
"And I've got two girls on the way," Tyler pointed out.
She waved a hand. "You don't stand a chance. This one is half me."
Tyler let out a bark of a laugh. "Yeah, but mine are an extra generation removed from my evil doppleganger."
"Yes, but my awesome just totally erases evil influences," she said, gesturing to the game of peekaboo Lily and Kate were playing. "Obviously. From a weapons plant."
Tyler couldn't help but concede the point just because Lily was being so cute. "Alright, yeah, pretty impressive." He got up and stretched. "But mine will be adorable too, so be prepared for the army of cute blondes."
"Of course they will," K agreed. "We'll add them to Logan's roster, I'm sure."
Tyler smirked at that. "Probably," he had to agree before he slipped over to sit with Tammy.
It had been almost two weeks since James had woken up, and even though the flow of visitors was pretty steady, he hadn't spoken to anyone. Every single person that came in was like a reminder of everything he'd done wrong, and he honestly couldn't speak if he'd tried.
The lump in his throat felt almost physical, and he really couldn't think of a thing to say that would begin to cover how awful he felt about all of it. He hadn't fought Hank or Tyler when they'd come in, though he thought they were wasting their time. And though most of the damage from the surgery had finally healed, the adults had been reluctant to allow him out of their sight. So rather than risk letting him out of the lab and letting him slip away from whoever was supposed to watch him, they kept him there.
James shifted in the chair - at least finally out of the bed. He knew they didn't trust him. He didn't blame them, either. He wasn't worth trusting. He flexed his fingers, watching the shake in his hand as he did so. It was stupid, he knew, but everything still hurt from the bonding process. HIs head was pounding, and just about every part of his body felt like it was throbbing, though he knew that was just the phantom pain that went with a rapid healing. He wondered vaguely how long it was going to keep up, if it would have been shorter if his healing was still working or if it was one of those that was just going to ache for months until he got so used to it, he almost didn't notice it in the background of everything he did.
It was an odd sensation next to the fact that he couldn't feel his skin. James could remember clearly the moment that Apocalypse had been cleared from his mind, because in that instant, the searing, maddening heat that had torn through his psyche had very suddenly spread to his body, and he knew as he registered the fires around him that even if Rachel hadn't had him stretched to his limits, he wouldn't have been able to move from the pain. He could barely breathe just thinking about it, and he closed his eyes tightly and covered his eyes with one hand, trying to force the images away. He couldn't sleep without waking up from dreams of burning alive. Hell, he could hardly close his eyes and not see the flames around him or stop the memory of the smell of his own flesh burning.
James had no idea how bad the burns had gotten before Rachel had stopped. Logic said it had to be at least third degree, though by the way Tyler talked, it had gone beyond that. All James could recall was begging her to finish the job. That … that had been the first bit of hope he'd felt since Vanessa had died, and he had been crushed when Rachel didn't follow through. He was sure she could have turned the fire up just a little bit more. Just enough to completely burn all of the soft tissue - melt the adamantium - and that would have been it. She was certainly angry enough to do it. The rage and hatred she was projecting into his mind as she tore through it, burning so, so much … it all sounded like screaming and roaring fire in his head.
And he simply couldn't wrap his mind around why she'd stopped. Unless that was his punishment. To be stuck in this endless loop of aching heat in his bones, sore, weak-feeling muscles, and skin that was so numb, he couldn't feel even a trickle of sweat or blood, all while spiraling deeper into the pit of self loathing. His own body felt foreign, and the haze in his mind …
He just wanted out. It was all he could think about.
He'd lost track of time entirely since he'd woken up, and he was just staring at nothing, reliving bits and pieces of all of it as his mind remade connections that had been destroyed by fire. So it didn't register for a long moment that Rachel had decided to step in and take a little time with him for the first time since he'd woken up. Or, at least, the first time that he was aware of. She had been by several times to take a look and to talk to Hank or Logan or K, but she hadn't worked up the nerve to talk to James.
He didn't know how long she'd been there before she finally cleared her throat and said 'hi' to get his attention, and then, he slowly looked her way and stared blankly back at her. He didn't have it in him to listen to anyone keep telling him how well he was recovering or telling him not to worry about it.
Not that Rachel did either of those things. The truth was that she had been there for a while, quietly listening to his thoughts that were so much easier to read when his mind was still recovering from all she'd done to it. Even after Quentin had put up defenses, he was projecting all that he was reliving, and so, she was acutely aware of how much damage she had done to him even beyond the physical and telepathic damage.
She'd traumatized him and taken him well past his breaking point, and she was sitting there thinking that even rebuilding his mind and bringing him back to his family wasn't enough to make up for it.
She was honestly surprised that he'd even acknowledged her presence; she knew that he had fallen back on ignoring anyone who came with well-wishes. And though she had an apology, she couldn't find it. She just felt so horrible. Especially when she could hear in his thoughts that he wanted her to finish what she'd started, and she didn't have the right words to apologize for what she'd done and not leave him thinking she was apologizing for sparing his life.
For a long while, that's how it was, with the two of them just staring at each other, with Rachel reaching for the right words and James half holding his breath … until he realized she wasn't going to do anything. All at once, his whole expression shifted, and he blinked a few times, swallowed hard, and shrank back in on himself in a crushing wave of hopelessness. He should have known she wouldn't finish the job.
Rachel heard the shift; it hit her like being slammed into a wall. And all at once, she was sure she'd only made things worse by coming there.
She only waited long enough to see that Hank was coming so that James wouldn't be alone before she managed a quiet "excuse me" Hank's way on her way out, one hand over her mouth, blaming herself, of course, for how much James was still suffering.
Hank frowned after Rachel but didn't press, focused on his patient as he pushed up James' sleeve to pull yet another blood sample, and James watched with a slight frown as he did so. He couldn't feel the cold of the alcohol or the poke of the needle, though he knew exactly what both of those things should feel like. It was like watching it happen to someone else's body, and James suddenly felt as if that was what the trouble was. This was no longer his body. Hank was saying something, but it really wasn't penetrating his thoughts as he watched the blood flow. It would have been different if he could have felt it.
"Put pressure on," Hank said as he pressed the cotton to the crook of his arm. "I'll be back to tell you how this looks." He gave James a little smile and patted his knee before he got up and left. Shortly after he did, James lifted the gauze and stared as the little pinprick started to bleed again. He frowned deeper, and as the thought entered his mind, everything seemed to clear out.
The screaming pain faded into the background. The crushing sensation in his chest eased, and though his thoughts became less jumbled, he could feel the frown slipping off of his face. It was so. Simple. He closed his eyes and relaxed, reaching out into the darkness of his own thoughts, blindly searching until he could recall the scents without the stimulus. There. Coconut, the open ocean with a warm breeze … heat-baked sand and the way her skin smelled warmed by the sun ... and the desperate ache in his chest that ticked up when he thought of those scents together. He could almost hear her laugh.
He turned his head slightly, looking toward the bed, and before he could reason himself out of it, he curled his hand into a fist and held it to his chest. A ringing snikt echoed the lab, and he couldn't stop the guttural sound that slipped past his lips as his eyes flew open at the pain - with every nerve in his body firing at once. He didn't feel it when he retracted his claws, but he did feel the deep pain and the seeping hot wetness as it poured down his chest and soaked into the fabric just before he closed his eyes and slumped forward out of the chair.
And that does it for this volume, but the story doesn't end yet. I invite you to turn your focus to robbiepoo2341's profile for the next volume: Crash And Burn