T Plus 23 Days
It was still dark outside when Peach stirred and rolled over in her bed. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand—4:37a.m. Perfect. With a quiet yawn, she sat up, stretched and slid out of bed, and then she padded into the bathroom, where she tended to her toilette and jumped into a cool shower. After styling her hair in the usual way, she slid into a pink dress—not her usual one, but a form-fitting, travel-worthy one—and applied a few sprays of perfume. Then, she gathered her things, sent a quick text to the Mario Bros and was out the door.
Meanwhile, in the Smash Mansion, Zelda was also getting ready for her day. She carefully brushed her long, brown hair before putting it in a simple ponytail. Her clothes consisted of a lavender halter-top, gray leggings and black mini-boots, with a sports watch on her right wrist. As the morning news played on low on her TV, Zelda checked around her room, making sure to conceal any evidence of her involvement in CH and the two Steves' eventual downfall. Now that the truth about Project Nerf and the people behind it was out in the open, Hyrule's wise Princess knew that she had to remain vigilant. Link had told her that MH, Chad and Charlie, with help from Jimmy, Timmy, Remy and Rory, had lured CH into a trap by sending him to talk to Mr. Sakurai, engineering a confession from them both in the process. If the Hand of Destruction and the two Steves found out, then they'd unleash all kinds of fury on those they suspected had a hand in their downfall—herself included. The disastrous "free-for-all" would be a luncheon compared to whatever they'd have in store for her then.
Best not worry about it, thought Zelda as she completed her inspection. Anything that would put her in CH's crosshairs was safely hidden. Letting out a breath, she took out her phone and exchanged a few texts with Link.
A car horn honked outside.
Zelda was at the window in one leap. Waiting at the Smash Mansion's valet entrance was a pink convertible. Peach sat at the wheel, beaming at her friend.
After snatching up her dagger and rapier, Zelda exited her room, hurried downstairs and pushed through the double doors leading out of the Smash Mansion.
"Morning," she said.
"Morning," Peach replied. "Wanna go for a spin?"
"Why not?" smiled Zelda.
She carefully laid her rapier across the backseat before hopping into the front passenger seat.
"Ready?" asked Peach once Zelda had fastened her seatbelt.
"Ready," said Zelda.
Shifting her vehicle into drive, Peach hit the gas, and she and Zelda headed toward the open road.
Koopa was roused from his slumber, and he blearily stumbled outside just in time to witness Peach and Zelda drive off into the distance. Dorf arrived on the scene shortly thereafter.
"Hey," said Dorf, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You'll do a better job when you're fully awake."
"Yeah, I guess so," mumbled Koopa.
Peach and Zelda, meanwhile, smirked at the image of their captors in the rearview mirror as the convertible sped further away. The latter leaned back and enjoyed the ride, while the former guided the car along the winding freeway with a sure and steady hand, matching smiles on their faces. Cool morning wind blew through their hair as the first fingers of dawn stretched across the horizon.
"Wait a minute—doesn't he pay his customary visit on Friday?" asked Zelda.
"He does," said Peach, "but I just wanna get in some personal time before then. He usually makes his grand entrance sometime in the afternoon."
"Are the Bros getting ready?" asked Zelda.
"They are, and I plan to meet up with them later in the morning. You know, to psych ourselves up."
"Good plan. So—what's on the agenda right now?"
"I was thinking about going for a relaxing drive, and then enjoying some breakfast," said Peach.
"Sounds good to me."
"How about some music in the meantime?"
"Why not?"
Peach turned on her radio, and pop music began wafting through the car as she and Zelda continued on their way.
They arrived in Smashville within the hour and were greeted by the smells of various breakfast foods. Villagers paused in their goings-on to say a friendly hello to each other and to the two Princesses.
"You guys looking for a good place to eat?" asked one Villager.
"Yeah," said Peach.
The Villager hopped onto their bike. "Follow me," he said.
He led Peach and Zelda to a 24-hour diner not far from a strip mall. An adorable little shih tzu greeted them as they pulled into a parking space.
"Good morning, and welcome to Smashville!" she trilled brightly. "My name's Isabelle, and I'm the Mayor's assistant. You guys aren't beating him up too badly in the tournaments, are you?"
"No, ma'am," replied Zelda, "and quite frankly, Mr. Mayor's really holding his own and even scaring the Underworld out of some of us. There's something about his grin and the way he holds that axe of his…"
"Yeah, I've seen the 'Killager' memes," sighed Isabelle, "but I assure you, he's not like that at all."
"Thank Nayru," said Zelda.
"I must say, though, Isabelle, you're doing a wonderful job as an Assist Trophy," said Peach. "You know, Little Mac started out as an Assist Trophy before becoming a Smasher. Perhaps that could happen again."
Isabelle blushed. "I'd like that so much!" she gushed. "I may be cute, but I can definitely kick all kinds of [bleep]!"
"Yes, you can," Peach and Zelda said in tandem.
Suddenly, Isabelle's eyes widened. "Oh, my gosh! We'd better get you inside before that awful turtle gets here! I almost forgot what day it is!"
"No need to worry," said Peach. "I won't drag this town into his shenanigans."
Zelda and Peach followed Isabelle inside the diner, where they were seated at a booth by the window. After ordering their drinks and food, the two princesses settled back.
"It's good to see you out and about following what the two Steves did," Peach said after a while.
"I was just about to say the same about you," smiled Zelda. "But really, did Crazy Hand tell them to do that?"
"It's a sure bet that they acted on CH's orders," said Peach. "It was supposed to be a warning—because you and Link uncovered evidence of Project Nerf, and I told Mario about those four men."
"They could strike again," warned Zelda. "That's why I've spent the past days perfecting my sword skills. I don't think my magic alone can hold them off."
"I've practiced my fighting skills, too," said Peach, "but—can we not talk about that? I need to decompress before—well, you know."
"Yeah," sighed Zelda. "So—how are the Bros doing?"
"Better, now that this Project Nerf is out in the open. How's Link?"
"He's also better. Toon Link, Dorf and I got him to stop beating himself up over what happened. What matters is that he fought his best."
"So did we," smiled Peach.
"Is Mario still…?"
"He always beats himself up when something happens to someone he holds close to his heart," said Peach. "Like me, like Yoshi, like—like…"
"Luigi," finished Zelda.
"Especially Luigi," said Peach, "but I think Chad's meeting has given him some peace of mind."
Zelda gave a low hum of assent.
"And something tells me that he's coming closer to obtaining the information he's wanted all along," Peach went on. "Proof that Mr. Sakurai and Crazy Hand were in on this nonsense."
"What's he gonna do with that information?" asked Zelda.
"I guess that's what MH is worried about," huffed Peach. "Did you hear? He sent someone to spy on Mario."
"Yikes," mused Zelda.
"But—Luigi met the spy, and the two of them came to an understanding," said Peach, "so—it's not too bad now."
Their drinks arrived, followed by their food.
"My bet is that Mario won't take direct action on this matter until after—this," said Peach.
"A good trek through eight worlds is enough to clear anyone's head," Zelda concurred.
"But MH has a long, hard climb ahead of him," Peach went on. "First, he went off on Mario—then, he suspended him for trying to defend himself—then, he suspended Luigi for defending his brother—then, he bought into the two Steves' lies and went off on Mario again—and now this." She huffed. "I can't believe he'd do that."
"Neither can I," said Zelda. "Sometimes, I wonder if he really is a benevolent godlike being." Her eyes lit up. "Hey—there's a black, swarm-like substance coming out of him lately. Do you think that's making him so irritable?"
"Yeah, Mario told me a little about that," said Peach. "What is that stuff, anyway?"
"Whatever it is, I hear that it's being stored in a secure area," said Zelda, "and since MH started coughing it up recently, there's no telling where it came from."
"So many things have been happening this year," mused Peach. "Roy, Mewtwo and Lucas coming back, the Smash Ballot opening, Ryu joining the tournament, the new update patch—and now Project Nerf and whatever it is that MH is coughing up. I mean, what else can come up?"
"We'd—better not answer that," Zelda said a little nervously.
"And we shouldn't worry about it," said Peach, leveling a forkful of omelet into her mouth. "All that matters—is what's happening now, and how to handle it."
1.1.1
Amy had slept like a log all night, and it was almost ten in the morning when she woke up. She dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom, where she made a face at her reflection. The bleeding had stopped, but there were still visible bruises. If Rory saw this, then he'd go ape. But going ape was within his rights as her elder brother.
Still, she didn't want him making a bigger mess on her account.
Just as she finished washing her face, her phone rang.
"Speak of the Devil," she murmured as she looked at the caller ID.
Amy answered with a soft, "Yeah?"
"How did it go?" asked Rory. She could feel the concern in his voice.
"Well, I'm still standing, aren't I?" she replied. "We met up in the park last night and mixed it up for a bit. Then, he took me to a diner, where I gave him the info. He even gave me a ride back to the hotel. Listen, Rory—I don't want this to become a cycle. Whatever this is with you and Mario—it ends now. Because we have more important things to worry about."
A pause.
"You're right," Rory said finally. "Luigi has the info, anyway, and my guess is that he'll tell Mario, and the two of them will be off our backs for the time being."
"Thank you, Rory. And tell your friends that acts of vengeance on my account won't be tolerated."
"Of course. We're not the two Steves."
Amy laughed quietly. "Okay, better get a move-on," she said. "You-know-who is scheduled to make his appearance, and I don't want to wind up in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Okay," said Rory. "I was thinking that you use today as a rest day, and then tomorrow, you can come back for a quick debriefing. Then, you can head back to Seattle until everything cools down."
"All right," said Amy. "I just hope it won't be permanent."
"Don't worry, Sis. We'll see each other sometime."
Amy smiled. "Remember what I said. Don't escalate this further."
"All right—you got me. Talk to you later."
"Talk to you soon. See ya."
"See ya."
Just as Amy hung up, her stomach growled. It was time to get some breakfast.
1.1.1
It was a usual morning inside the Smash Mansion as the Smashers prepared for their first matches. Amidst this commotion, Falco was in his room, on his bed, his laptop propped on his lap as he explored the King Boo Fan Club's website. Since the meeting was tonight, he was expecting a message from H.G. regarding the venue. But so far—nothing.
While waiting for any updates, he dutifully participated in the discussion forums, responding to the questions H.G. posted on them. Also, he kept a chat window open, hoping to encounter more of the King's fans. The more characters he met, the better.
His phone rang, and he answered with a brisk "Yeah?"
"Morning, Falco. Have you checked out the website?"
Falco cleared his throat. "Oh, hey, KB! Yes, I have."
"And?"
"I just joined. Tonight will be my first meeting, where I'll officially be initiated."
King Boo laughed. "Falco—that's wonderful news!"
"Yes, it is," said Falco. "So—how've you been?"
"Hanging in there."
"Has H.G. sent you more letters?"
"Yes, she has."
"A lot of your fans are pretty hardcore, though," mused Falco. "Some of them want Luigi to die gruesomely."
"Of course they do, because they see the truth behind this whole mess," said King Boo.
"But you want him in a painting. Or something like that," said Falco. "To tell you the truth—I don't know what you want to do to him anymore."
"Do you want me to tell you what I'd like to do to him? What I'd really like to do?"
"Well…"
"I'll take it as a 'yes'." Falco swore he could hear the psychotic King grinning. "Well, first of all—I'd like to trap him. In a cold dark place, where nobody can hear him scream. Where he knows that nobody will come to his rescue. And then I'd like to do away with that loathsome vacuum, so that he'll have no means to defend himself. I'd like him alone and helpless—and then I'll torture and torment him. Slowly. My Boos and I will make him watch as we do away with everyone he cares about—make him listen to their screams. We'll break him and tear him into itty bitty bits—take everything and everyone from him. We'll make him beg for a quick death that we'll never give. And then…" He giggled.
"J—s," breathed Falco.
"I'm not going to fight him," said King Boo. "I'm going to [bleep] him. And then I'm going to f—ing kill him. Slowly. Agonizingly. In every way I know he fears. He will suffer in his final moments. And then I'll spend the rest of eternity torturing his ghost." He giggled again. "Or—if I get bored of hearing his screams and cries, which is unlikely, then I'll shove his ghost into a painting. Either way—he's f—ed."
Falco almost threw up in his mouth.
"But—I'm interested in what my fans want to do with him," King Boo coyly added.
"You mean, you haven't checked out these videos yourself?"
"Not really. I don't pay much attention to the website. I just use it to communicate with my lovely fan club president. But—I livestream their meetings sometimes. And I intend to livestream tonight's, seeing that a new member is officially joining."
"Aw—well, I'm touched," said Falco. "I've gotta go now. A busy day is in store for me. But it was nice talking to you."
"Same. Maybe we'll have this opportunity again."
Falco ended the call as King Boo cackled.
"What a deranged psychopath," he muttered.
thehelp has joined the chat.
"Okay," said Falco. "Let's see what kind of person 'thehelp' is."
thehelp: Good morning, SpaceAce!
SpaceAce: Morning.
thehelp: Hope to see you 2nite.
SpaceAce: I'll b there.
thehelp: I'm H.G.'s second-in-command.
SpaceAce: Like the fan club's Vice-President?
thehelp: More like her assistant.
SpaceAce: Oh.
thehelp: May I inquire as to your day job?
SpaceAce: I'm a pilot and a fighting tournament participant. You?
thehelp: I'm a bellhop at a posh hotel. It pays the bills.
SpaceAce: Interesting.
thehelp: Do you need a tutorial on how our site works?
SpaceAce: Nah, I'm good. Just wondering—does everyone here want Luigi dead? Because KB wants him in a painting.
thehelp: Me—I'm a bit neutral at the moment, but yeah, most of the fans you'll come across want him dead.
SpaceAce: Yeesh. I wish they'd take a chill pill. Being in a painting is a better end for that plumber.
thehelp: Like I said, I frankly don't care what happens to him. Just as long as he's out of our King's way.
SpaceAce: Oh—kay. Fair enough.
cleaninggurl has joined the chat.
cleaninggurl: All right! A new member!
SpaceAce: Hi.
thehelp: He's a pilot.
cleaninggurl: Sounds like fun! I'm a housekeeper, and thehelp and I are colleagues.
thehelp: We're close.
SpaceAce: Hey, cleaninggurl. Quick question. Would you rather see Luigi in a painting or dead?
cleaninggurl: What kind of question is that?
SpaceAce: Well, a lot of fans on this site have a thing for Luigi gruesomely dying. That's why I asked.
cleaninggurl: Tbh, I really can't decide.
SpaceAce: Me, neither.
thehelp: Btw, H.G. hasn't forgotten about tonight's meeting. Information on the venue will be on the site within the next hour or so.
SpaceAce: Oh, thank God. I was just about to inquire about that.
cleaninggurl: You don't wanna miss your first meeting, right? And there's gonna be snacks, and a little meet-and-greet, and of course, your initiation. H.G. will ask you some questions, and then you'll get some free swag. No pressure.
SpaceAce: You had me at free swag! Is there a dress code?
thehelp: No, there isn't. But if you have a suit around, wear it.
SpaceAce: Will do. Hang on a sec, would you?
Falco opened a new browser and logged into his Skype account, where he initiated a video call with Gadd.
Gadd answered on the second ring. "Falco! What's up?" he asked.
"I'm currently chatting with two other members of that fan club. One claims to be H.G.'s assistant, and the other is a housekeeper at some hotel. I'm also about to find out the venue for tonight's meeting."
"Falco—you don't have to call me whenever a fan club member initiates contact with you," said Gadd, "but I appreciate the gesture. However, if King Boo's recently called you…"
"He did. If you know how devious he is, then why do you give him phone privileges?"
"Because I'm a forgiving soul, and maybe bribing him with free phone service and free Internet can get him to behave."
Falco snorted. "Fat chance! When he was talking to me, all he was doing was describing, very graphically, what he wanted to do to Luigi! You do not want to let him out of there—trust me on this."
"I won't," said Gadd.
thehelp: Everything all right, SpaceAce?
SpaceAce: Yeah. I'm writing an email.
"Luigi's gonna be occupied over the next few days," said Gadd. "Are you sure you wanna hit him with this now? We don't want him distracted when he's fighting that turtle. He lives for helping Mario, as I've seen twice already."
"I see your point," said Falco. "I'll tell him about it when he gets back."
cleaninggurl: SpaceAce? Everything cool?
SpaceAce: Yeah it's cool.
thehelp: That's a pretty long email you're writing.
SpaceAce: Hey, I have to make sure it's perfect! :P
thehelp: Carry on, then.
"So," said Gadd. "I have some preliminary design ideas for the new Poltergust I was talking about."
"Okay."
"As I said before, I'm going for a U-shaped apparatus, but I'm also going to mount a Plexiglass tank onto it."
"A Plexiglass tank? What for?" asked Falco.
Gadd just smiled craftily.
"Wait a minute—you can put water in that tank!" Falco suggested. "Or soda! Or Kool-Aid or Gatorade or some drinkable liquid! And you can attach a long straw to the side of the vacuum, and whenever Luigi gets thirsty, he can use the straw to take a good, long drink! And maybe a compartment where he can put food like sandwiches and cookies—man, he'll probably be set!"
"Water in the Plexiglass tank?" Gadd made a face. "I've done that before. With F.L.U.D.D. And while I like your idea, I think that I'll use that Plexiglass tank for something—special."
"Such as…?"
"I haven't decided yet," smiled Gadd, "and it's also a surprise. Moving on from the apparatus, the nozzle will have a more ergonomic grip. And I was thinking about putting a handle on that nozzle. That way, he won't have to pull back with both hands. He can have extra leverage against a ghost. I'm also working on an improved Dark-Light Device, one that doesn't overheat from excessive use. If he's in the middle of revealing a hidden object, I don't want him burning his hand, right?"
"Of course not," said Falco.
"So, let's review," said Gadd. "Our new Poltergust will have a U-shaped apparatus with a lightweight Plexiglass tank mounted on top of it. A handle will be attached to the nozzle for a more practical and comfortable grip. And a new Dark-Light Device will be equipped, one that can be used for a long period of time without burning Luigi's hand."
"Sounds good so far," said Falco.
"Let's talk about new features," said Gadd. "We want Luigi to have some defensive tools. And we want him to have more powerful offensive tools."
"Like the Surge," said Falco. "It needs to be stronger."
"I was thinking of something a little more—hands-on," said Gadd.
"Hands-on? What do you mean?"
"I mean—he needs a more cathartic way to deal with ghosts. These battles need to have some more physicality to them. And this function could be used both defensively and offensively," said Gadd.
"All right, then. What could be more cathartic than Surge?" asked Falco.
Gadd smiled hugely. "Slamming ghosts," he replied.
A beat.
"What?" asked Falco.
"Just what I said. Slamming ghosts."
"How can you slam a ghost?"
"Maybe—if the vacuum builds enough power, then the ghost being captured can turn into a battering ram of sorts. Luigi can slam that ghost against the floor or against any hard surface, knocking away huge chunks of HP. And as a bonus, he can also slam them into other oncoming ghosts, giving him a better advantage when it comes to crowds. And speaking of crowds—I've also thought of a simple, reliable method of crowd control. When too many ghosts are ganging up on Luigi, a small jet of air can knock them backward and disorient them, allowing him to escape to a more advantageous position."
"I'm liking it so far, Professor," said Falco.
"Most importantly, however, I wanna give Luigi a little shout-out to his occupation as a plumber. And since plumbers use plungers, I wanna incorporate that into the new Poltergust."
"How?"
"I'm still working on that," replied Gadd, "but an idea will come to me sooner or later. I need to let you go now, Falco. I'm currently fussing over the blueprints to the new Poltergust, and I don't want my ideas stagnating."
"Break a leg, Professor," said Falco.
The two exchanged goodbyes before ending the video call.
SpaceAce: All right, I'm back. What did I miss?
thehelp: Not much. H.G. just posted something about tonight's meeting in the forum.
SpaceAce: K, I'll check it out.
Falco headed over to the discussion forum and clicked on the new post, which contained the address for the venue where the fan club would meet tonight. The avian scribbled the address onto a Post-It note, which he peeled off and stuck into the pocket of his flight jacket. Then, he returned to the chat window.
SpaceAce: Just took the info down. I must say, though—meeting in a restaurant? That's bound to turn some heads.
cleaninggurl: The restaurant will be closed to the public beforehand. And besides, the staff would willingly turn a blind eye. A large gathering like this means more revenue, after all.
SpaceAce: Guess you're right.
I'm in no position to judge, anyway, thought Falco. Project Nerf met in public places, too, and nobody commented on it. Maybe that's because the Bennigan Brothers were so good at keeping it under wraps, though.
SpaceAce: I've met a lot of interesting characters on this site so far. A mechanic, a pianist and composer, a security guard—and now a bellhop and a housekeeper.
cleaninggurl: Stick around, and you'll never know who else will turn up.
thehelp: I was *just* gonna say that.
cleaninggurl: Wow. We are so in sync!
SpaceAce: Er—I'll take your advice. Okay, gotta take my suit to the dry-cleaners. See you two 2nite!
thehelp: Cya!
cleaninggurl: Cya!
SpaceAce has left the chat.
"How blind can these guys be?" asked Falco as he looked through his closet and selected one of his favorite suits. "Only a nutcase can decide to create a fan club for someone who torments a guy for the heck of it and seals people he doesn't like in portraits. And this H.G. is shaping up to be a grade-A nutcase."
After dropping off his suit at the dry-cleaners, Falco headed to the Training Area. It was time to get ready for another day of Smashing.
1.1.1
Elsewhere in the Smash Mansion, Chad and Charlie walked into the train terminal, flanked by Jimmy, Timmy, Remy and Rory. Charlie was dressed in travel-worthy attire, a pull-along suitcase in each hand.
"Are you sure you don't wanna come along?" asked Charlie.
"I have to take care of some things first," said Chad.
"Jeff told us that Crazy Hand was extremely upset when he visited Mr. Sakurai," said Remy. "He also said that he found out about the meeting. There was a spy among Daisy's court."
"Have you told Daisy?" asked Chad.
"Rest assured, she's been made aware of the situation," Timmy replied, "and Sarasaland is currently working to root out the mole."
"Still, I'm not running away from that glove like a dirty coward," said Chad. "I'd rather he go after me than go after Charlie. Her safety should be our top priority."
"I'm a Smasher, Chad," Charlie said disarmingly. "CH and the two Steves won't get me without a fight."
"I still don't wanna take that risk," Chad said softly. "Look—this is only temporary, all right? After Master Hand confronts the three once and for all, we'll bring you back."
"Will you keep me updated?" asked Charlie.
"Absolutely," replied Chad.
After checking in one of her bags, Charlie sat in the waiting area with the others.
"Since it's Friday, all travel to and from the MK is either delayed or suspended," mused Charlie.
"It shouldn't affect you," Rory assured her. "Chad, while I question your decision not to accompany Charlie, my friends and I respect your choice, and we'll protect you to the best of our ability."
"Thank you. That means a lot," said Chad.
"Jeff also has people looking out for Charlie," Jimmy added. "She'll be in good hands."
Chad exhaled. "I hope so."
A train employee walked into the waiting area. "All aboard! Track 39!"
Chad, Jimmy, Timmy, Remy and Rory escorted Charlie to the waiting train, where a sleeping car attendant scanned her ticket.
Charlie turned to Chad and hugged him. "Be safe," she said, "and be careful dealing with them."
"I will," smiled Chad. "Good luck to both of us."
"Say that again," said Charlie.
The two shared a tender kiss goodbye before Charlie boarded the train, waving to the five men from the window of her sleeping compartment.
With a blow of her whistle, the train released her brakes and departed the station, Chad continuing to wave until the locomotive disappeared from sight.
"Don't worry," said Timmy, a hand on Chad's shoulder. "She'll have friends in high places looking after her."
"That's all that matters," Chad said quietly.
On those words, he turned and left the terminal, Jimmy and his friends following close behind.
1.1.1
It was just after twelve noon in the MK, and residents and tourists alike were preparing for the Koopa King's invasion. Tour buses ran abbreviated hours of service. Restaurants offered reduced pricing on their fare and had signs on their doors announcing that they'd briefly close following the lunch rush. Stores, malls and shopping centers also began to close, and everyone was advised to return home and shelter in place. Warehouse stores and grocery stores, however, would remain open for as long as possible as people stocked up on nonperishable food, water and batteries. Regular television and radio programming was interrupted as Peach addressed her constituents, beseeching them to remain calm and assuring them that she wouldn't remain in distress for long.
Amy took cover in the lobby of the hotel she was staying at, sending a few reassuring texts to Rory. While the staff assured her that those airships usually headed directly for Peach's Castle and tried to cause as little damage and casualties as possible, they encouraged their guests to remain vigilant and listen for their instructions.
Charlie's trip to safety was also affected, as the train she was on was re-routed to accommodate those who wished to evacuate the MK. The young woman happily shared her sleeping compartment with some evacuating Toads, as it was large enough for at least six people.
In the Smash Mansion, Koopa's airships were lined up outside, fueled and ready to go. Master Hand attempted to persuade Koopa to forego his usual excursion, but his efforts were fruitless. With a smirk, the turtle promised not to hurt anyone too badly, assuring MH that Peach would receive "the royal treatment" while in his castle. The Hand of Creation could only watch as the airships took to the skies and flew off, en route to the MK. As for the Smashers, they were hard at work sending texts to Peach and the Mario Bros, and Yoshi was promptly granted emergency leave in case he wanted to assist in the upcoming rescue mission.
In the midst of all this, a family of four walked toward Peach's Castle, bearing baking dishes covered in foil. Peach, standing at the window, saw them approach.
"Vanessa…" she said softly before heading over to personally greet the visitors.
Peach opened the door to find Vanessa, Theo, Ethan and Anna standing there, the former three bearing contrite expressions.
"Hi, guys," she said.
"Hi, Princess," Vanessa said softly.
"You shouldn't be here," said Peach.
"We made a mess of things," acknowledged Vanessa, "and we're not proud of it. But—we wanna make things right. With you and with your kingdom."
"I mean—you shouldn't be in the castle," clarified Peach. "Koopa was nice enough to text me, letting me know that he just launched his airships. His forces are expected to arrive within the hour."
"Well—maybe we can give you these before seeking shelter," said Vanessa, indicating the covered baking dishes.
Peach smiled. "I'd like that," she said.
She moved aside and led the quartet into the dining room, where Vanessa and her brood set down the dishes and uncovered them to reveal a variety of cupcakes.
"Wow," gasped Peach. "Did you make all of those?"
"Yes," said Vanessa. "Does anyone in your castle have any allergies?"
"No."
"All right," said Vanessa. "I guess we should be going."
"Hey, Vanessa?"
"Yeah?"
"Maybe—you can stay for a bite to eat?"
Vanessa beamed. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, we can."
Within minutes, Peach, Vanessa, Theo, Anna and Ethan were seated in the castle's courtyard, enjoying sandwiches, potato chips and soda.
"You seem pretty calm about that turtle's upcoming visit," observed Theo.
"I've gotten used to it," said Peach. "Not to mention that these past several days have brought good fortune. Master Hand finally got Crazy Hand and Mr. Sakurai on tape, admitting what they did!"
"Really?" chirped Anna. "You gotta tell us the deets!"
"Here's what happened," said Peach. "The day after the meeting, MH and those four guys sent CH to Nintendo HQ on false pretenses. CH, of course, fell for it, and he panicked and ranted to Mr. Sakurai about them being found out. An inside man installed some recording devices, and Chad and Charlie found further proof of that glove's involvement in his office."
"What happens now?" asked Vanessa.
"Well—first, I'll have to be rescued," said Peach. "After that—I don't know. Mario promised to let MH handle it, but…" She sighed. "After Mario first got suspended, Master Hand said—some things that I won't repeat. Has anyone told you?"
"We kinda—heard about it," said Ethan.
"However, he's bouncing back, and so is Luigi," smiled Peach. "After the two Steves' failed smear campaign, I couldn't help but notice that tension leaving him. And the most drastic change was yesterday. I believe Luigi had something to do with that."
"But when is MH gonna confront those two?" asked Theo.
"Maybe when we get back," Peach replied.
"Maybe," echoed Vanessa. "No sense in rocking the boat until after that turtle's dealt with."
Silence as they enjoyed their food. Then—
"Princess, may I ask you a question?" queried Ethan.
"Yes, you may."
"Do you think—Koopa has a crush on you? A lot of people at my school say that he does, and that's why he keeps—doing this."
"That's an interesting question, Ethan," said Peach, "and I'll tell you that I've always suspected that the whole 'magic' thing was just a cover. But when that turtle took over my castle in 2001, I came across his secret diary at one point, and that's where I got confirmation." She shuddered. "After all these years, it still creeps me out. He just won't take the hint that I'll never be his queen."
Theo grumbled in agreement.
"I mean, how many beatings from the Mario Bros is it gonna take for that turtle to get it?!" snapped Peach. "The answer is 'no'! And how does he call what he does 'love'? Every week, he rides in on his airships and fires upon my kingdom, disrupting my constituents' daily life! Everything has to stop until repairs are made, and Toadsworth has to rule in my stead until I'm rescued. And each moment the Bros spend rescuing me is time that could've been spent fixing a toilet or a sink—you know, doing their jobs and getting some stable income! But that turtle doesn't care about that! He doesn't appreciate the beauty and diversity of the Mushroom Kingdom! All he wants is power, and he'll do anything to get it! He doesn't love me—he lusts after me! Yeah, I know Mario's a bit naïve, but he's kind and noble and athletic and resourceful—and humble. He learns from his mistakes. I'd rather be with an easygoing, selfless blue-collar worker than with a tyrannical, egotistical king!"
"Amen," said Vanessa.
"Wait—where are the Bros now?" asked Anna.
"They're on their way," said Peach, "but they're coming. They're coming, and they'll be ready for that turtle."
"They need to be more alert," said Vanessa. "What if he tries to force you to marry him?"
"He already has—thrice. First, he tried to brainwash me. Then, he tried to use my kingdom as leverage. And eight years ago—yeah, I'd rather not talk about that one. It was—traumatizing for all of us, to say the least."
"But he might try again soon," cautioned Vanessa. "I just—I just have a hunch, you know?"
"We'll take it under consideration," said Peach.
Then, she hurried the conversation toward lighter topics. "I'm wondering—have you been playing other games besides Smash?"
"We've started playing more Mario games," said Anna, "and we're also playing Splatoon! It's so much fun, splattering each other with paint!"
"As a matter of fact," Ethan continued, "we met the Inklings at a convention about three months ago."
"It was awesome!" trilled Anna.
"The two team captains were quite cordial," added Vanessa, fishing out her cell phone and opening her photo gallery. She showed Peach a photo of her with the orange-haired Inkling Girl. "That's Maggie. And the other team captain's name is Mikey." She flicked her screen to reveal a picture of her with the blue-haired Inkling Boy. "The kids, Theo and I had a ton of fun at that convention. Toward the end, we got to use their equipment, and a fake tournament was set up for us. The next Laundry Day was a nightmare, but it was worth it."
"Totally," Anna and Ethan said in unison.
Peach's phone chimed, and she picked it up, huffing at the text notification. "That turtle's 30 minutes out," she said. "Excuse me." She rose and stepped aside to pass the info along.
"Peachy!" a voice called out.
The family of four rose from the table, hurried over to one of the balconies and glanced down.
Mario stood there, flanked by Luigi, matching urgent expressions on their faces.
"Hey, you two!" greeted Theo.
Luigi slightly started. "Wh—what are you four doing in there?" he asked. "That turtle is a half-hour away, and we don't want him grabbing you along with Peach!"
"We'll be out of here before he makes landfall," Vanessa assured him.
"We figured that Peach could use our company before being whisked off to 'another castle'," added Theo.
"Okay—we're heading up there," said Mario.
"All right," said Theo. Turning back around, he called. "Hey, Princess—the Mario Bros are here!"
"Great—perfect," said Peach. "I just finished sending out the alert. As we speak, everyone in the kingdom is taking shelter, and the roads have been officially closed off. The MK has completely ground to a halt, and I don't know how long it'll be before the wheels start turning again. I mean, I know that some businesses and restaurants re-open about twenty minutes after he leaves, but…" She huffed again. "We do not need this. He needs to learn how to take 'no' for an answer."
"Peachy?" Mario's voice called again.
"Over here!" Peach replied.
She smiled at her heroes as they half-ran into the courtyard. "It's all right," she said soothingly as she hugged them.
"How've you guys been?" asked Theo.
"Not too bad," Mario replied. "How about you?"
"We're doing fine, thank you," said Theo.
"It must've felt good to get all of that stuff off your chest," Luigi chimed in.
"Indeed," said Vanessa, "but just know—while we were allied with Koopa for the sake of Project Nerf, when it comes to this, we'll always side with you two."
"Thanks," said Luigi.
"And I'm actually starting to learn how to play as you in Smash," added Ethan.
"That's good to know," said Luigi. "Listen, we need to get you out of here. You really should've taken shelter by now. The castle's basement is your best bet—it's been heavily fortified to suit the occasion. There should be enough essential supplies in there to last several months, but try not to go overboard, okay?"
"Okay."
"I don't think you'll have any reception in the basement, and if you do, then it'll be pretty weak," Luigi went on. "If you meet up with Toadsworth en route to the basement, then he'll give you a battery-powered radio to take with you. Most of the radio stations will stay on air for as long as they can, but 860AM and 101.1FM will provide the most accurate updates, so I recommend that you tune into one of those stations. Once the all clear is given, head straight to Mushroom Park. It's been a reliable place of sanction since all of this started. Further instructions will be given there."
"Thanks, L," said Vanessa. "Good luck."
"Good luck to you, too," said Luigi, "and remember—don't panic. Stay calm and protect yourselves by any means necessary."
"All right," said Theo. "C'mon, kids."
The family of four exchanged handshakes and hugs with Peach and the Bros.
"Show him no weakness," said Vanessa. "No fear."
"Of course," said Peach.
On those parting words, Vanessa and her family turned and filed out of the courtyard. Peach then took a deep breath as she and her heroes steeled themselves for their adversary's "visit".
Theo, Vanessa, Ethan and Anna were surprisingly calm, striding through Peach's castle as if they belong there. They watched as Toads scurried about, preparing the castle's defenses. Whenever they came across anyone in need of assistance, the family of four paused in their flight to the basement to help them out. Royal Guards escorted other members of Peach's royal court to safety, and they happened upon Toadsworth as he coordinated last-minute efforts to secure the castle.
"So, this is what it's like, huh?" asked Vanessa. "I have to say, it's something else!"
"It's a gigantic pain in the [bleep," said Toadsworth, "but it has its moments."
"Mario and Luigi usually come out on top," said Theo, "but are you anticipating a situation where Koopa wins?"
"Absolutely," said Toadsworth. "There's always a chance of that turtle winning. That's why Mario prefers it if Luigi stays behind. So he can defend us from a second attack. But then again, Mario could use the help."
"I agree," said Vanessa.
"We always take this seriously, and we always anticipate the worst-case scenario," said Toadsworth. "The castle's been locked down, but you can wait it out in the basement."
"That's where we're headed," said Vanessa.
"Then you'll need one of these," said Toadsworth, giving the family a portable radio. "Stay informed and stay safe."
"Thank you," said Theo, and then he and his brood continued on their way.
While traversing a long, winding corridor, the family encountered a little Toad that could, psyching himself up.
"Hey," greeted Theo. "First time?"
"Yeah," nodded the Toad.
"Listen," said Theo. "Why don't you come with us? In these kinds of situations, anything can happen. And if you get hurt…"
But the Toad cut him off. "No way, mister!" he said vehemently. "I pledged to fight for the Mushroom Kingdom, for her Princess and for her protectors, and I will fight!"
"If I may," Vanessa said gently, "Theo and I will be holding out in the basement with our kids, and we'll feel a little more assured with you protecting us."
The Toad bit his lip. "All right," he said. "I'll defend the basement, then."
"Great," smiled Vanessa.
With the Toad in tow, they proceeded further down the hallway, reaching a door which opened into a stairway. The five quickly descended the spiraling staircase to the basement. And as Luigi had said, it was well-provisioned with food, water, medical supplies, batteries, first-aid kits, flashlights and toiletries. There was also a TV, a DVD player, shelves of DVDs, books, magazines, a Wii U, some 3DS consoles and plenty of video games, as well as board games. Finally, there were beds that rolled out, along with plenty of pillows and bedding. As the Toad stood watch by the door, Theo, Vanessa and the kids made themselves comfortable, rolling out and making four of the beds and getting themselves situated with some string cheese and Craisins.
They were embroiled in a game of Scrabble when the Toad got their attention.
"Koopa's airships have been spotted," he said. "They're expected to reach the castle in six to nine minutes."
"Sixty-nine minutes?" Anna and Ethan asked in unison.
"No, no, no—six to nine minutes," clarified the Toad. "You might want to turn on your radio."
Vanessa obliged, tuning into 101.1FM. Then, the family picked up their game while keeping an ear out for updates.
However, seven minutes later, the game was halted for good by a low, muffled boom.
"They're here," said the Toad. "Turn the radio up."
The Scrabble board was all but forgotten as Theo, Vanessa, Ethan and Anna crowded around the radio. Sounds of the unfolding invasion echoed through the basement as the radio announcer provided a minute-by-minute account in a surprisingly calm voice. Booms and thuds as cannonballs and Bullet Bills impacted the castle walls. The castle's defenders, shouting commands. Crashing, scuffling, screaming. Two familiar voices, one strident and falsetto and the other skittish but strident nonetheless. Koopa's booming voice, taunting and laughing. Claws slashing. Punches connecting. Yells and moans of pain. Triumphant chortling. And Peach's dulcet voice, calling out to her heroes. Intermittently, the room trembled, but as Luigi had assured them earlier, the basement held. Besides, Vanessa and her brood weren't afraid. They were actually—excited. And with the Mario Bros around, there was no need to be afraid.
However, Theo and Vanessa held their kids in their arms, soothing them as the commotion above them went on. And Ethan held Anna's hand, giving her a reassuring smile.
The minutes silently passed until Vanessa's phone rang.
"Huh," she murmured as she pulled it out. "Three bars in a basement. Not bad." Then, she answered the phone. "Hello? Who's this?"
The response was a deep, hearty, rumbling chuckle. "How do you do, Vanessa?"
"What do you want, Koopa?" Vanessa asked sharply.
"C'mon—don't get like that. I assure you—my minions and I won't come after Anna or Ethan."
"Very kind of you," said Vanessa.
"Are you safe?"
"Not that you'd care, but—yes."
"Those plumbers and I agree on one thing—the less people caught in the crossfire, the better. Besides, I want to put my guest's mind at ease, is all. That's why I called."
Vanessa's heart dropped. "You have her?"
"She didn't make it easy, and neither did those pesky plumbers—but yes. I had a hunch that you'd pay her a visit before I arrived. She's sitting right next to me in my Clown Car. Hold on."
A pause. Then—
"Vanessa, thank God you're all right," breathed Peach's voice.
"Same here," said Vanessa.
"I'm pretty far from okay, actually," said Peach. "Mario, Luigi and I fought pretty hard this time, but…"
"Oh, no. What did that reptile do to them?!"
"I—he…"
"Okay, calm down. Theo and I are gonna check on them," said Vanessa.
"No! Don't go anywhere! Wait for the 'all clear'!" Peach took a few deep breaths.
"Relax, Peachy," Vanessa heard Koopa purr. "They were at least still breathing when I carried you off."
"Koopa, I swear…" Peach started to say.
"All right, all right—where are you guys now?" asked Vanessa.
"We're just about to leave the MK," Peach replied. "We should arrive at the Dark Lands in about an hour or so, maybe earlier."
"Or in thirty minutes, if we're lucky," Koopa chimed in.
"Peach—I want you to hang in there, all right?" intoned Vanessa. "Stay calm, and stay brave. Help will be coming soon."
Koopa laughed. "I wouldn't count on it," he retorted.
"Don't worry about me, Vanessa," Peach said softly. "I'm stronger than you realize, and so are my people. We'll get through this."
"I know," said Vanessa.
"You and your family can sleep soundly tonight," said Koopa. "Peach will be pampered like a true Princess in my castle. If I really wanted to hurt her, then don't you think I would've done so already?"
"You're unpredictable, so there's no way of knowing," huffed Vanessa.
"All I'm saying is that I have lines that I won't cross when it comes to villainy, and that's more than I can say for some rogues out there." Another chuckle. "Maybe we'll talk more when I get back to my castle, yeah?"
"Maybe."
"Okay, Vanessa. As soon as my airships and I leave MK airspace, they'll give the all clear. Don't check on those plumbers until then. Enjoy the rest of your day."
Click.
The Toad frowned. "He knows you?" he asked.
"We, uh—we worked together on a project," said Vanessa.
"Project Nerf?"
"That's the one," Vanessa said regretfully.
To her relief, the Toad didn't judge her or her family. "No matter," he said. "It's water under the bridge."
"Why—yes," said Vanessa. "Yes, it is."
Five minutes elapsed before the basement's occupants heard the "all clear" from the radio. Quickly, they rose, put everything back where they found it and exited the room in a single-file line.
Throughout the castle, Toads picked themselves up, checking to see if the coast was really clear. Vanessa, Theo, Ethan, Anna and their Toad companion wasted no time helping as many as they could.
"What's the damage?" asked Theo.
"Not much, thank God," said one Toad.
"You guys are lucky to be alive," said Vanessa.
"Lucky?" repeated another Toad. "We let our Princess down."
"No, you didn't," Theo said gently. "You fought your hardest. And I bet the Mario Bros are on that turtle's tail right now."
"Yeah," Anna chimed in.
"Wait a minute—are you her new friends?" asked a Green Toad.
"Yes," replied Vanessa, "so you can expect to see more of us in the future."
"We'd like that," said a Purple Toad.
"Mario and Luigi have already left, in case you're wondering," said a Blue Toad.
Vanessa exhaled. "That means they're not hurt too badly," she said.
"I don't know," said a Red Toad. "They can be all sorts of stubborn. After the attack, I saw them limping a little, and they refused medical attention. Good ol' Mario Bros—putting our Princess's health and safety before their own."
Ethan paled a little. "H—how bad…?"
"They left so quickly that I couldn't tell," said the Toad. "Toadsworth and some other retainers are contacting the nearest Toad Houses as we speak. I think those two will have to be cajoled into stopping at one of those houses."
"Boy," said Theo.
"And, uh…" said a Yellow Toad.
"What?" asked Vanessa.
"Mario—he—he tried to get Luigi to stay behind, but of course, the L would have none of it," said the Yellow Toad.
"Typical," mused Ethan.
"You guys need to head over to Mushroom Park," said the Blue Toad. "We'll take it from here. Thanks, though."
"You're welcome," said Vanessa.
"Be careful," said the little Toad that could. "There's probably some debris out there."
Theo nodded. "Take care," he said softly before he, his wife and children headed for safer ground.
1.1.1
All over the MK, Toads and tourists exited their shelters to assess the damage. Luckily, property damage was minimal, and there were no fatalities. In addition, save for some cuts and bruises, no serious injuries were reported. Most of the toll from Koopa's visit was psychological, and even that was tempered by the fact that the Mario Bros were in hot pursuit of their foe at this very minute.
Slowly, they all gravitated toward Mushroom Park, where they congregated at the large marble fountain in the center. Most of them brought food and water, while others brought medical supplies. Perfect strangers asked each other if they were okay and offered help and comfort.
As soon as it was safe to do so, Amy left the hotel, joined by others who had taken cover there, and also headed to Mushroom Park. Once she arrived, she called Rory, letting him know that she was unscathed. Then, she checked on every Toad she came across, helping them gather their bearings and regroup.
Restaurant employees arrived at the park in short order, delivering burgers, burritos, pizza, sandwiches and the like for free. They were duly rewarded with tips and grateful smiles.
In between eating and tending to their injuries, Toads and tourists went to work sending texts to the Mario Bros, wishing them good luck. First, Mario thanked them, and then Luigi chimed in, offering to provide live updates on their progress. Both Bros assured everyone that they weren't hurt too badly, but nobody was convinced, strongly encouraging them to seek out a Toad House as soon as possible.
Sitting with the shaken populace, Vanessa and her brood exchanged a look. There had to be something they could do to help the imperiled Mushroom Princess. But what?
1.1.1
As the Mario Bros embarked on their adventure, Falco prepared to embark on his own. His suit had been picked up from the dry cleaners, and the directions to the fan club meeting's venue had been downloaded to his phone. The sun was beginning to set as the avian jumped into a shower, washing the stink of his Smash battles away. Then, he dried himself off and carefully donned the suit, slicking back his hair and applying cologne. Finally, he gathered his things, sent a quick text to Luigi and Gadd and was out the door.
A Mii valet had Falco's car waiting for him at the Smash Mansion's entrance. After thanking the Mii, the avian hopped into the vehicle and drove off, carefully following his GPS's instructions while his music played at a moderate volume.
Nearly half an hour later, he came upon the restaurant where the meeting would take place. Smoothly, he maneuvered his car into a well-lit parking space, turned off the engine and got out, making sure to lock the car as he strode toward the entrance.
At the door, Falco was greeted by a heavyset security guard, shades obscuring his eyes and a flashlight and a ring of keys strapped to his belt. His arms were folded across his chest as he stared the avian down.
"What's your screen name?" asked the guard.
"SpaceAce," replied Falco.
The guard fished a clipboard from the inside of his uniform jacket and used a pen to skim down the piece of paper attached to it.
"Okay—there you are," said the guard. "Just to make sure—what's the answer to the security question you used to register?"
Falco told him.
The guard smiled. "Excellent. Welcome to your first meeting," he said. "I'm NotPaulBlart."
"You're not working tonight?" asked Falco.
"It's my night off," grinned NotPaulBlart. "I've managed to convince my boss to make Fridays my off days. So you'll be seeing more of me."
"Awesome," said Falco.
He and NotPaulBlart shook hands, the former noticing a slight chill to the latter's touch.
"C'mon inside," said NotPaulBlart.
Falco followed the security guard into the restaurant, where several other members of the club were seated at a large table in a private room. One of them was a fellow in a bellhop uniform, another one was a guy with a distinct moustache and wearing a chef's outfit, a third was a gentleman with slicked-back silver hair, clad in an immaculate tuxedo, and a fourth was a woman in a maid's outfit. All of them raised their heads at Falco's approach.
"Here he is," said NotPaulBlart. "The new guy!"
"Hey, everyone," greeted Falco.
Silence for a few seconds. Then—
Everyone seated at the table broke out in huge smiles as they rose to greet the avian.
The bellhop approached him first, wringing his hand. "Hi, SpaceAce," he said. "I'm thehelp."
"Nice to meet you," said Falco.
After thehelp was the chef. "Bonjour," he said, sporting a slight French accent.
"Bonjour," replied Falco, shaking the chef's hand. "I'm SpaceAce."
"And I'm The_Soul_Chef. Soul, for short."
"Ah," said Falco. "You're the one who wants to puree that man in green."
Soul blushed. "You saw the video?"
"Yeah. That was—that was something else."
Both chuckled.
The silver-haired gent approached Falco then. "SpaceAce," he said with a slight Austrian accent. "Nice to finally meet you in person. I'm MaestroWolf_Am. Or simply Maestro, if you prefer."
"Hey, Maestro," said Falco as they shook hands.
The avian then turned toward the maid. "And you must be cleaninggurl," he said.
"Indeed, I am," replied cleaninggurl.
"Good to meet you all," said Falco.
"Same," said NotPaulBlart. "Please, feel free to make yourself comfortable and help yourself to some salad and breadsticks while waiting for the others to arrive."
"Okay," said Falco.
He washed his hands and made himself comfortable at the table, where thehelp passed a salad bowl to him. Falco piled some salad onto his plate, mixed in some of the provided dressings and toppings, and dug in.
"I made that salad," Soul said proudly.
"It's pretty good," said Falco.
Soul grinned. "Merci," he said.
"Wait a minute—they let you use the kitchen?" asked Falco.
"Yeah—you could say that," laughed Soul.
"So—if there's a piano here, then they'd let Maestro play it?"
"Probably," Maestro replied.
NotPaulBlart glanced out the window and saw more people coming. "Excuse me, guys," he said as he practically glided towards the door.
"You're in luck," cleaninggurl said to Falco. "A lot of our members are eager to meet you—officially."
Falco turned as more members of the fan club filed in. A fellow wearing a green baseball cap, white shirt and faded denim coveralls. A diminutive man with rich red hair and a rich red beard, dressed as if for a royal ball, a crown on his head and a sword on his hip. An elderly man cradling a potted Venus flytrap in his arms. An alluring young woman, dressed like Cleopatra. And—a shark?
Interesting characters, indeed.
"Welcome," said thehelp. "I'd like you all to meet SpaceAce."
The man wearing the baseball cap laughed heartily. "Space dude!" he cried, practically soaring forward to hug Falco.
"Hi," said Falco.
"Howdy-do? I'm MightyMechanic! MM, if your tongue gets too tied up!" MM spoke with a lazy Southern drawl.
"Okay, MM," said Falco.
Regally, the diminutive redhead glided forward. Falco rose from his seat and bowed.
"Your Majesty," he said.
The redhead laughed. "No formalities are necessary, SpaceAce," he said in a distinct Scottish accent. "You can call me BigMac."
"BigMac, huh? I know a guy named Little Mac," said Falco.
"Little Mac—never heard of him. Is he a long-lost cousin of mine?"
"No—he has black hair. And he boxes."
"You know—I'm sort of into blood sports myself," said BigMac. "Wrestling, jousting, sword fighting—and I even participated in the tournaments I hosted!"
"SpaceAce told us that he's in some sort of fighting tournament," said thehelp.
BigMac laughed. "Good for you!" he said, swatting Falco on the back. "We'll get along just fine, you and I."
Then, BigMac moved aside, allowing the elderly man with the Venus flytrap to talk to Falco.
"Hi," said the man. "My screen name is Doc_Potts, but you can call me Doc. I'm a certified botanist."
"Good to meet you, Doc," said Falco, shaking Doc's hand. "I assume that your Venus flytrap is named Audrey?"
"Wow—first guess," said Doc.
"I didn't have to guess. I saw your comment in one of Hellen's forums. You said that you wanted to—feed Luigi to Audrey."
"Hey, don't be afraid of her. She's quite tame." Doc stroked the top of Audrey's head as he spoke. "Most of the time, that is." He smiled enigmatically.
"All right, then," said Falco, turning toward the alluring young woman.
"I'm QSerps," said the woman.
"SpaceAce. Nice to meet you," said Falco, shaking her hand. "By the way, nice video you posted on the forum."
"Really?"
"Yeah. That was intense."
QSerps shrugged. "It was that or depicting someone getting attacked by asps or having scarabs crawl all over them," she said.
"Ew," said Falco.
"Exactly. What you saw was actually the tamer of the three."
"Wow. I can't believe you hate someone that much. Is that a prerequisite for being in this club—wanting Luigi dead?"
"Not that I know of," said NotPaulBlart. "Some of us don't care much for him, seeing that he attacked our king with that vacuum cleaner, but—some of us agree that he's better off dead."
He didn't attack King Boo. King Boo attacked him—and Mario—first! Falco was beside himself at how these people were twisting the story around.
The shark was the last to approach Falco. This shark had only one fin, a large, gleaming silver hook in place of the other one. One eye was blood red, while the other was concealed by an eye patch. Perched atop the shark's head was a crimson tricorn hat.
"Ahoy there, SpaceAce," said the shark.
"Uh—ahoy there," said Falco.
"Welcome to the fan club," said the shark. "I'm SeafaringHook, but you can just call me Hook. For now."
"You're a—talking shark," Falco said in disbelief.
Hook laughed. "A talking pirate shark is what you mean," he said.
"Whoa," breathed Falco. "I also saw your video, and it was also intense."
"Well—it's hard to depict a plushie walking the plank," said Hook, "and I didn't want to ruin the doll by keelhauling. So I had to settle for what I could get."
"It was still a bit unnerving," said Falco.
"My apologies, then," said Hook.
Falco smiled. "Apology accepted."
"Okay, everybody—take a seat," said thehelp. "The meeting's about to begin."
"Aren't there more coming?" asked Falco.
"Everyone else is planning to stream the meeting online," explained thehelp.
"Oh, okay," said Falco.
He helped himself to more salad and a breadstick as thehelp, cleaninggurl and NotPaulBlart booted up a laptop and connected it to a flatscreen TV in the private dining room. Then, they logged onto the fan club's website and set up the livestream.
As the stream came online, restaurant employees walked into the dining room, setting out hot and cold appetizers and handing out menus. The attendees quickly helped themselves to the appetizers before pondering over the menus. Falco was stunned at how similar these meetings were to the Project Nerf meetings, and he felt a shiver of déjà vu. But while he was plotting against Luigi by attending the Project Nerf meetings, he was trying to help Luigi by attending this meeting.
"We're almost ready," said NotPaulBlart. "Just gotta wait for H.G. to connect."
"No rush," said QSerps.
The restaurant employees returned shortly thereafter, setting out pitchers of soda, water and other drinks on the table. Those who had finished looking over the menu placed their orders, and those who were still deciding requested more time.
About a minute after the employees departed, a pleasant female voice wafted throughout the private room.
"Hello? Can you guys hear me okay?"
"Loud and clear, H.G.!" NotPaulBlart replied.
"Yo, H.G.!" Falco chimed in.
"We're online and ready to go," said thehelp.
"Hey, H.G.—can you hear us?" asked cleaninggurl.
"Yup. You're coming through okay," said the voice.
"All right," said cleaninggurl. "Just making sure."
NotPaulBlart waved his hand in front of the camera. "How about the visual signal? Can you see us?"
"Hold on." The pleasing voice seemed to come from everywhere. "Okay. All right. I can see you guys."
"We can't see you!" retorted Falco.
"We're not supposed to see her," whispered Maestro.
"Oh," said Falco.
"Who said that?" asked the voice. "Is that the new guy? Which one of you is our newcomer?"
"That would be me, H.G.," said Falco, standing up and waving. "It's nice to finally have some face time with you—or rather, for you to have some face time with me."
"SpaceAce, I presume?"
"In the flesh."
"Well, it's certainly nice to meet you, SpaceAce. Tonight, you'll be formally inducted into my club. First, however, we'll begin by taking roll call, starting with the attendees who are physically present. Okay—thehelp?"
"Here," said thehelp.
"The_Soul_Chef?"
"Here."
"NotPaulBlart?"
"Here."
"MaestroWolf_Am?"
"Here."
"cleaninggurl?"
"Here."
"BigMac?"
"Here."
"Doc_Potts?"
"Here."
"Audrey?"
Audrey snapped her jaws.
"MightyMechanic?"
"Here."
"QSerps?"
"Here."
"SeafaringHook?"
"Here."
"SpaceAce?"
"Here."
"Perfect," said H.G. "Now, let's move onto those who are livestreaming this meeting. When I call your name, I want you to type 'Here' in the chat. Here we go—MortStudioFilms?"
A pause.
"Okay, he's here. UgaBuga?"
Pause.
"Great, he's here. magictrio?"
Pause.
"All right, they're here. SwimFitDeep?"
Pause.
"He's here. And last but not least—GloFlo?"
Pause.
"She's here. Perfect—everyone's here."
H.G.'s voice laughed softly as the attendees' entrees arrived.
"The first order of business on our agenda tonight is to get our newcomer situated. I know that you already introduced yourselves while waiting for everyone else to arrive, but now is the time to formally introduce yourselves to the new arrival. Tell him your screen name and what you do. Those streaming this meeting can tell him a bit about yourselves over the chat. We'll start with thehelp, and then we'll work our way around the table. thehelp?"
thehelp put down his fork and made his way to the front of the table. "Hello, SpaceAce. I'm known as thehelp, and I work as a bellhop at an upscale hotel."
"They call me The_Soul_Chef, and I'm the top chef at a high-class restaurant. Around here, you can just call me Soul."
"I'm NotPaulBlart, and I work as a security guard at a popular strip mall."
"I'm MaestroWolf_Am, also known as Maestro. I play the piano, compose music and conduct a symphony orchestra."
"I'm cleaninggurl, and I'm a housekeeper at the same hotel where thehelp is employed."
"I'm BigMac, and—believe it or not, I used to be the king of a faraway land! I spend my days trying to reclaim what was stolen from me."
"I'm Doc_Potts, but you can just call me Doc. I'm a gardener and a botanist."
"I'm MightyMechanic, and I guess my screen name speaks for itself. I'm a mechanic, and a d—n good one at that."
"I'm QSerps, and—I'm an ancient history buff, especially when it comes to Ancient Egypt."
"And I'm SeafaringHook—Hook, for short. I work as a seafood restaurant's mascot."
"You don't scare kids with that red eye?" asked Falco.
"Of course not," said Hook. "I put a contact lens over it, so that it looks like a normal eye."
"Just wondering," said Falco.
"All right," said H.G.'s voice. "The fans streaming this meeting online have also introduced themselves. SpaceAce, would you like to take a look at their comments?"
Falco walked over to the laptop and scrolled down the comments section on the live stream.
"I'm not surprised that MortStudioFilms is a film director—his screen name gave me a hint," he mused. "UgaBuga—entertains as a museum attraction. magictrio consists of a team of magicians, so—we've got three people using the same account. SwimFitDeep is a swimming coach, surprise, surprise. And GloFlo is a DJ at a local nightclub. Well—nice to meet you all."
"Same here," said H.G.'s voice. "Before we move on, could you quickly introduce yourself in kind?"
"Very well," said Falco. "I'm SpaceAce, and I'm an intergalactic fighter pilot. In my spare time, I tinker with my aircraft and compete in a fighting tournament."
"Good to have you aboard, SpaceAce," cooed H.G. "Some of the other members tell me that you met our King personally. Is that true?"
"It is."
"And he told me a little bit about you in his most recent letter," H.G. went on.
"Okay," said Falco. "What did he tell you?"
"Well—what you just told us." Falco could hear the smirk in H.G.'s voice. "That the tournament you participate in is known as—Super Smash Brothers. That you always have your Blaster on hand and that you seemed to enjoy the photos he let you look at."
"Yeah—all of that is true," said Falco.
"And he also said that you have—history—with Luigi."
Falco cleared his throat.
"Would you mind telling us a little about that?"
"We—we used to be friends, but we recently had a falling-out," Falco said without missing a beat. Half of it was true, of course, but he wasn't about to tell them that they were starting to repair their friendship. "Guess I finally saw his true colors and bailed before that toxic relationship could take me over."
"Wow—I'm so sorry," breathed cleaninggurl.
"I actually thought we were gonna be friends forever," said Falco, theatrically wiping at his eyes.
"You don't need someone like him as your friend," said Doc. "We're your true companions. Right, guys?"
"Right," chorused everyone else.
"It's funny you should say that," said H.G., "because our King told me that you've been trying to make things right."
"Really? Well, I gave up," said Falco. "I'm trying to distance myself from him before he pulls me deeper into his web. I think he's selfish, I think he's a narcissist, and I think he's ungrateful. He has a brother who loves him, but that's not enough for him. No, he wants to be treated like an A-lister when all he does is—well, you know. And he insists that people say these nice things about him and throws a fit when someone tells him the truth. I couldn't deal with it anymore. If he wants to seal himself in his little fantasy world, then let him."
"Preach, buddy!" guffawed MightyMechanic.
"Well, it seems that he doesn't get the hint," said H.G. "Apparently there was an incident where he told our King to stay away from you."
"I wasn't in any danger," said Falco. "We were just talking. But—Luigi just wanted to play hero and came bursting in with his vacuum cleaner. Yeah, I drew my Blaster on the King a few times, but I eventually warmed up to him. Or else I wouldn't be here."
"What of this plot to have him 'nerfed'? What does 'nerf' mean? Is that a term exclusive to this Smash tournament or whatever?"
Falco briefly explained the Smash tournament's lingo, what a "nerf" was compared to a "buff", how several Smashers and gamers complained about Luigi's combos and how they all banded together to manipulate the suits at Nintendo into tweaking the man in green's playstyle so that he'd no longer have those combos.
"However—that's all in the past," said Falco. "I want to focus on this—just this—my new friends and my new favorite pastime. Does that sound good with you all?"
"Sounds good to me," said Hook.
"Me, too," said Doc.
"It's good that you wised up," said H.G. "Now that you're well-acquainted with your fellow King Boo fans, it's time for your formal initiation. I hope you're ready, Falco."
"H.G., I was born ready," crowed Falco.
"Very good," purred H.G. "I'll start the initiation by asking you some questions. Let's begin."
The lights dimmed as everyone else rose from their seats and stood stock still.
"Falco, do you truly adore our King?"
"I do."
"Do you believe that he is a wise and just King who just wants to dwell in Boo Woods peacefully?"
"I do."
"Do you condemn Gadd Science, Inc. for intruding upon his dominion and using his constituents for their twisted experimentation?"
"I do."
"Do you condemn the Mario Bros for snooping around his Ghost Houses without so much as a by-your-leave?"
"I do."
"Are you willing to participate in our fan club activities, including, but not limited to, weekly meetings, online gatherings, field trips and forum discussions?"
"I am."
"Are you willing to put forth enough effort to make our King feel comforted and appreciated during his unjust containment?"
"I am."
"Are you willing to brainstorm ideas to break him out of said containment and share them with your fellow fan club members?"
"I am."
"Are you willing to take your mind to places it has never been before—to push yourself into the unknown—for the sake of helping our King?"
"I am."
"Other members—are you satisfied with his responses?"
"We are," they all replied in unison.
"This is pretty deep for an initiation," opined Falco. "So—do I get my identification card, or…?"
"Patience, SpaceAce," said H.G. "We need to make sure you're with us 100%."
"Hey—no worries," said Falco. "I'm with you 500%."
H.G. chuckled. "We'll be the judge of that. NotPaulBlart—thehelp—you know what to do."
thehelp and NotPaulBlart joined Falco at the front of the table, where they took off the avian's suit jacket.
"Hey! What's all this?" Falco demanded of them.
"Sorry," said NotPaulBlart. "It's just part of the initiation."
"We're gonna need your tie and your shirt, as well," thehelp nervously joined in.
Grumbling, Falco did as he was bidden, stripping to his waist and handing his tie and shirt to thehelp and NotPaulBlart, respectively.
"Please, have a seat," said H.G.
Falco plunked himself onto the chair NotPaulBlart proffered, praying to God for strength and praying that Luigi would forgive him for what he was compelled to do and say.
"Falco Alphonse Lombardi," intoned H.G. "Do you renounce Luigi?"
"Yes," Falco forced himself to say.
"You do renounce him?"
Falco nodded. "I do renounce him."
"And all of his so-called 'heroics'?"
"I do renounce them."
"And all of his friends and associates?"
"I do renounce them."
"And all of his 'skills'?"
"I do renounce them."
H.G. laughed in response. thehelp approached Falco, bearing a sterling silver ring with a violet gemstone shaped like the jewel on King Boo's crown set on top of it.
"We now consecrate the bond of fealty to the one true King—the King of all Boos, the Lord of all Ghost Houses and the Master of Illusions," said H.G. as thehelp slid the ring onto the middle of Falco's right wing.
"No way! I get my very own ring?" gushed Falco.
"Focus," said H.G.
"Right. Sorry," said Falco.
"You've now come to the final part of your initiation," H.G. told him, "which just so happens to be the hardest part."
Falco then saw NotPaulBlart coming toward him, looking remorseful.
"You might wanna bite down on this," said the night guard, holding out a moist cloth.
Falco opened his beak, and NotPaulBlart placed the moist cloth between the avian's jaws. It tasted as if it had been dipped in Pop Rocks, or some sort of sweet-and-sour candy.
NotPaulBlart stepped behind Falco and loosely tied the avian's wings and feet to the chair, securely enough so that he wouldn't thrash around too much, but not tight enough to leave any marks. Falco let out a surprised grunt in response.
"It's just a precaution," said NotPaulBlart.
Falco's eyes widened when he saw thehelp approach him with a metal stencil shaped like King Boo—a stencil which was glowing red-hot.
"That," he heard H.G., "will be your identification card. Now, try to hold still, okay?"
Falco took in a deep breath, and then white-hot pain exploded as the hot stencil was pressed against his left pectoral. Pain so intense that it nearly took his breath away. The avian's eyes watered, and he bit down harder on the moist cloth in his beak, but he didn't cry out. He wouldn't allow himself to.
"Ladies and gentlemen," said H.G. "I now formally welcome SpaceAce as part of the King Boo fanbase!"
The silence gave way to cheers as the other fan club members applauded Falco, some of them whistling and pumping their fists in celebration. Then, they all joined hands and chanted the avian's screen name, softly at first, and then louder and louder and louder, Falco bearing the agony as the emblem of Luigi's worst enemy was deeply seared into his skin.
And in the corner of his mind, Falco swore he could hear the King's infernal, throaty cackle.