CHAPTER NINETEEN

Dawncloud did not sleep well. As a result, she was awake before the sun rose, and got to watch it softly spread its golden rays over the mountains. For a few minutes she let herself be taken in by the beauty and the breathlessness and wondered what it would be like to stay here, as Blazestripe and Elmheart had done. To give up the forest for good and be treated to this view every morning. For a blissful moment she imagined it and was caught up in the wistfulness, but the hard rock beneath her paws and the brisk wind ruffling her fur felt wrong, in the end. She belonged in the forest. Another cat could stay here, could love the mountains, but it wasn't her.

She glanced back toward the den where Thickfur and Alderthorn were sleeping. She had not spoken to Alderthorn in depth since their arrival; he had been busy mingling with the Tribe cats. Dawncloud had to wonder if it was working. Surely he can't be doing any worse than us… It seemed Blazestripe and Elmheart would not be coming back with them, and again there was a sourness in her mouth at the futility of their journey. I should be back with the Clans, helping them.

She couldn't stop thinking about Thickfur's confession, nor could she put a name to the strange feeling the moment had created in her gut. So when Dawncloud felt a flicker of activity as Sootclaw woke up, his mind brightening alongside hers, she leapt at the chance to talk to him as a distraction. They hadn't really had a moment to catch up, but it seemed they were long overdue for a conversation.

Good morning, she said, brightly – or at least as brightly as she could muster, given the situation.

To her surprise, Sootclaw's response was cold. Not now.

Dawncloud flinched. Is everything all right?

We're moving cats between camps, he answered back, still in the brusque tone. I'm busy.

With that, he pulled away from her, and she felt the boundary slide down between them like cold stone. Dawncloud shivered. That had been strange. She could only hope that Sootclaw was all right. But what was the reason for his sudden coldness? It was more than distraction - he was angry with her. She thought back to that day, moons ago when they had both been apprentices, when he had cut her from his mind.

She let out a long sigh and got to her paws. Is nothing going right? she wondered. If they were staying another day in the Tribe, she needed to use it to convince other cats to join their cause. She couldn't accept that the journey had been for nothing.

Dawncloud let her paws guide her toward the kit-mother's den. Maybe Elmheart would be there – though he likely wouldn't take kindly to being accosted while he was tending to his mate. But she doubted he would take kindly to her either way, so she had to try. Though… with the sun only now rising, it was also likely he could still be asleep.

She turned the corner into the tunnel and immediately bumped into another cat. "Sorry," said Dawncloud on instinct, and she took a step backward to look at the cat.

It was Squall, coming from the nursery. As soon as she saw him, and his familiar grey-and-white pelt, her suspicions were confirmed. The guilt was so clear it was nearly pouring off his face.

"It's you," she said. It had to be him. It was so obvious that Dawncloud had learned it within two days of being here. So why was Elmheart so willfully ignorant?

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Squall. He offered her a smile. "But now that I've found you, want to go for a walk?"

"Sure," said Dawncloud, not meaning it at all as they turned from the tunnel and walked back out on the ledge. "And I can convince you to come to the Clans and help us in our fight."

The smile slipped from his face. "You know I can't go."

"Because you can't leave them," Dawncloud said. They padded slowly along the path, not going anywhere in particular, justing letting the breeze roll through their fur.

Squall said nothing.

"Why visit so much?" she asked. "Why make it obvious?"

The Tribe cat just shook his head. "You've never had kits, have you?"

"Of course not." She was still so young. She'd never considered it, not seriously. Now, for the first time, Dawncloud really thought about it: falling in love, having a mate, becoming a mother... The strange feeling in her chest intensified, and her face warmed underneath her fur.

"I thought…" Squall trailed off. Then he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, perhaps in pain. He had seemed so confident before, and easy-going, but now she heard the anguish when he spoke about the kits. "I thought I wouldn't care. But I do."

He re-opened his eyes and the sadness was in them too. He loves them, Dawncloud realized. He didn't mean to, but he loves them.

"If you tell him…" Squall warned. He didn't have to finish the statement. It wasn't a threat to her, or to Elmheart. It was a mournful warning. If you tell him, it will kill him.

"He already knows," Dawncloud said. "He just doesn't want to see it."

"I did it for them," Squall mewed. Then he stopped and narrowed his eyes at her. The anguish vanished, replaced by the cool exterior she remembered from before. "Why am I telling you all this?"

Maybe Squall had needed someone to talk to all along. Maybe Dawncloud just had one of those faces. Either way, she remembered moons and moons ago, being told that feelings made her weak, and thinking she would never be able to be strong, to provide value, to accomplish anything without having physical power. Now, and not for the first time, she realized just how wrong she was. She wanted to share the sentiment with Sootclaw, but he was miles away, both physically and emotionally. The reminder hurt.

"I tend to have that effect," she mewed quietly, swallowing her own pain, and then she gave him a sympathetic blink. The question now was if she told Elmheart, would it convince him to come back with them? And even if it did, was it the right thing to do?

.

She did not see Elmheart for most of the day, however. Instead Dawncloud spent most of her time in the Cave of Rushing Water, talking to some of the Tribe cats, hoping to be able to convince some of them to aid the Clans. Beetle, the to-be, was particularly entranced by Dawncloud's stories of battles and the Dark Forest. Apparently she had always loved Elmheart's stories too. But Dawncloud could not ask a to-be to come and risk their life, so the stories remained just stories. Cliff and Heron were around too, listening idly, and keeping Beetle in line.

Alderthorn was also in the cave, and she got a chance to catch up with him as they swapped a piece of prey back and forth for their daily meal.

"We shouldn't stay here too long," Alderthorn said, between bites. "We've spent enough time away from the Clans. We should leave the next morning."

"I agree," said Dawncloud, anxious to return to the Clans. And Sootclaw. "But we haven't accomplished our goal."

"There are many cats sympathetic to our cause," Alderthorn mewed. He shrugged. "Maybe one of them will choose to join us."

"You've been talking to them?"

"As much as I can," he said. He was quite the diplomat, Dawncloud knew, but she also knew that the Tribe cats were not especially endeared to him after he had brought the threat of Baron to their doorstep.

"Have you seen Chantelle?" she asked.

Alderthorn hesitated a moment, and then slowly nodded. "Briefly."

"And?"

"She wasn't exactly enthused to see me."

That made sense given what Dawncloud knew about the situation. She supposed it was just like her trying to convince Elmheart to come back. Maybe it was cruel, to have sent the two cats that would give Elmheart and Chantelle the most pain. Manipulating their emotions for success in this war… it sounded like something StarClan would have done.

"Did you really think you could convince her to come back?"

"I had hoped," Alderthorn said, "that things would be different between us. She was my closest friend for a long time."

Well, that sounded familiar to Dawncloud, thinking of Elmheart. "I thought you didn't really have friends, before."

He chuckled at that, but it was bleak. "Is that what Kitetail told you? It's true that I didn't feel for her in the way she wanted. I don't mean just romantically. Even as friends, I didn't have that emotion – but I learned now that it is important to have that connection with those you value, and… she was there, with me, for a long time."

Dawncloud blinked at him in surprise. It was an analytical way to see the situation, but his words felt genuine, and she had seen the emotion on his face when he was around the medicine cat. "Wow. Kitetail's really done a number on you, huh?"

Alderthorn shrugged. "I've learned a lot. I think, though, with Chantelle… it might be too late."

Too late. The words stung. Alderthorn and Chantelle. Dawncloud and Elmheart. Thickfur and Blaze. They were all, Dawncloud thought, too late.

Thickfur entered the cave then, his grey fur burning silver in the sunlight before being extinguished in the shadow of the cavern. His amber eyes found Dawncloud and for some reason she couldn't explain, she looked away. Things were different between them now.

"Any luck?" Thickfur grunted as he sat down beside them.

"No," said Dawncloud, just as Alderthorn said, "Maybe."

Thickfur looked between the two of them and shrugged. "We should go back soon."

Dawncloud nodded. "We were just talking about that. Tomorrow morning."

Thickfur grunted in agreement. Their eyes met and he looked away. So he was feeling it too.

Then Blaze entered the cave, his ginger fur turned fiery red from the sunlight before it, too, became a smouldering coal in the shadow. He was just as handsome as ever, but this time Dawncloud felt no butterflies when she watched him, not after the way he had yelled at Thickfur. Now she only felt discomfort.

Thickfur swore under his breath and got back to his paws.

Dawncloud gave him a wide-eyed look. "You're going to talk to him again?"

"Mhm."

"Do you really think you can change his mind?" She was incredulous.

"That's not what I'm trying to do," said Thickfur. He hesitated, wrestling with whether or not to say more, and then mewed: "I'm going to apologize. And to say I'm glad he's happy here."

He went over to Blaze before Dawncloud could say anything, so she just stared at him in surprise. When has Thickfur ever been glad about anything? She had not expected Thickfur to deal with his problem so abruptly; then again, brashness was in his nature. But to let himself be so vulnerable with someone who had been so cruel to him?

"A moment?" Thickfur asked. Blaze hesitated and then grudgingly followed the grey tabby a few steps over to the side of the cave. He looked ready to fight, but Thickfur kept himself calm, speaking to his brother in a hushed voice. As he spoke, the anger faded from Blaze's face, to be replaced by confusion. Dawncloud couldn't blame him. An apology from Thickfur was a rare occurrence.

A short time later, Thickfur came back over. His eyes were still clouded, but his shoulders were straight and his chin was up. He looked… lighter, she realized. Like there was a weight gone from his shoulders.

Maybe this journey wasn't useless, Dawncloud thought as she stared at him. Maybe it wasn't about bringing back new cats. Maybe it was about fixing the ones we already had.

Not that trauma like Thickfur had could just easily be fixed. But it was a start.

"Dawncloud?" Thickfur had noticed her staring. She looked away, too quickly.

"In the morning then," she said, abruptly changing the subject. "With whatever cats, if any, will join us. Tonight, though, I have something I need to do."

If Thickfur was going to face his demons, then she would face hers as well. Thickfur and Blaze. Alderthorn and Chantelle. Dawncloud… and Elmheart.

.

She found him alone in a small cavern, several tunnels away from the main cave, lying with his head on his paws. It was cool in here, with rich mats of green moss and pools of clear water, but any peacefulness was offset by Elmheart himself. He looked bad. Tail flicking, face flushed, eyes desperate, and the scents of anxiety and fear radiating from his body. She had seen Elmheart upset before, but never so tortured.

"You know," said Dawncloud, because of course he did.

"I don't want to," he replied, not meeting her eyes. His tail whipped listlessly through the air.

"You can't ignore it," she said.

"So what?" he mewed. "I acknowledge it and then go back to ThunderClan? Is that what you want?"

"No," said Dawncloud, surprising herself. "Of course that's not what I want."

"Then what do you want, Dawncloud? Why are you here?"

"I want you to be happy," she said, and it sounded so pitiful once the words left her mouth, yet she meant it.

Elmheart finally turned to look at her.

"It was wrong of me to try and tell you where you belong," she continued. "Or to tell you how to feel."

"It was," he agreed, regarding her cautiously.

"I'm sorry for the way things turned out," Dawncloud added. "For us, after your confession. I could have made more of an effort to stay friends. To be there for you. But I didn't know what to do, or how to deal with how you felt."

He blinked at that, perhaps surprised. "I appreciate that. I'm sorry too, for the position I put you in. We were so young. But it's not just about us. It's about Nettleclaw dying, and Slatestar letting me go, and finally having a home and a family. It's not just Chantelle and the kits, either. It's the Tribe, and Cliff and Beetle, and all the others. It's cats who care about me."

"I came here because I thought I could make you come back," she admitted. "I thought ThunderClan was your home and if I could just make you see it…" Dawncloud sighed and shook her head. "But your home is wherever you want it to be. If that's here, if that's with those kits, if that's what you choose… I will support you. That's what friends do, and even if we can't be friends anymore… I want to remember that we were."

He smiled, delicate, his pained eyes searching hers. "But."

"But?" Dawncloud frowned.

"But I have to deal with…" Elmheart trailed off. "The truth."

"You said it," she mewed. "Not me."

"You may as well have."

Dawncloud sighed and gave him a sad smile. "You love her, Elmheart. Talk to her. Just… just talk to her."

"I know," he said, after a pause. Then he got to his feet and walked over to her – no, not to her, but the cavern exit. Still, he stopped beside Dawncloud on his way and looked her over.

She met his eyes and then looked over the rest of him, feeling her heart shudder with loss. Her Elmheart was gone, had been gone a long time. This cat was someone else. She could only hope that things would work out for him. She didn't know if it was true, that this was his family now and that he cared for it more than the Clans. Maybe he did feel more at home here; maybe he was still lost and running. Whatever the case, Dawncloud had to let him make the decision on his own.

"Thank you," he murmured, and then he left.

.

Dawncloud curled up in her nest that night, feeling lighter for her conversation with Elmheart, but still nervous for the next morning. Sootclaw had not spoken to her yet; every time she tried to reach out to him she was met by a wave of coolness. She swallowed the anxiety, hoping she could push it back until they returned to the Clans,

"Hey," said Thickfur as he settled into the nest beside hers. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure," said Dawncloud, trying to ignore how her heart sped up. He seemed different after his discussion with Blaze, but she still recognized the surly expression on his face: he was nervous about something, and he hated being nervous, and it made him irritable. Same Thickfur.

"It's about…" he began, and then glanced to the side, hesitant. "It's about Shredtail."

"Oh." Oh. That hadn't been what she was expecting at all. Her heartrate decreased and she felt... disappointed, maybe?

It still explained why Thickfur was nervous. He hated the thought of Dawncloud replacing him with another mentor; that Shredtail had guided her through difficult moments while Thickfur had been powerless in the world above. Not totally powerless, Dawncloud thought, remembering the night of the snowstorm.

Thickfur's expression darkened further. Clearly this was a difficult topic for him. "Have you talked to him?" he said at last. "He might have insight on the situation. You mentioned that he showed you how to re-establish your mind link with Sootclaw, that you learned how to… find… other cat's minds."

Dawncloud remembered. She had pressed into Shredtail's mind when discovering her powers, pressed too deep and caused him to snap in reaction. She glanced over at Thickfur, once again thinking about how easy it would be to reach out and feel him… but it easy because he was close, and Shredtail was far away, and there was no way she could venture that far, not while… "I'm still linked to Sootclaw. I don't think I could find Shredtail without leaving him."

Thickfur grunted at that, but Dawncloud mused over the words. She did want to know how Shredtail was doing, especially as she had charged him with escorting Russetheart over the border into StarClan. If there was some type of exchange or sacrifice involved – like how Dawncloud could only return when Russetheart died – then she needed to know. Maybe it would help in some way with the war.

"You're not still jealous of Shredtail, are you?" Dawncloud blurted out, and then immediately regretted it. Mouse-brain.

Thickfur glared at her. Then at last he rolled his eyes. "I'm not jealous. I'm just…" he sighed and his expression softened. "You have been close to multiple cats in a way I have never been close to any."

Oh. He said it so matter-of-factly, but to say it at all...

There were many things that Dawncloud could have said. She could have brought up how she had never asked for the mind-link; how the closeness was her only strength and Thickfur had his own strengths; how it was a burden as much as a blessing to feel the thoughts of others. Instead, she gave him a long, steady look, and said: "That's not true."

He stared back at her and gave her a long, slow blink. Then he settled placed his head on his paws and closed his eyes. "Get some rest, Dawncloud. We have a long day tomorrow."

.

This time, Dawncloud slept well. After Thickfur's mention of Shredtail, she had half-expected to be troubled with dreams, or visions of the Dark Forest. Instead, no dreams came to her, and she woke up to the sight of Alderthorn and Thickfur standing in the middle of the cavern, eating travelling herbs. When Alderthorn noticed that she was awake, he nudged a bundle of herbs over to her. "From Stoneteller."

"Thanks," said Dawncloud, though Alderthorn wasn't really the cat she needed to thank. The herbs were just as bitter as the ones Kitetail had given them. She lapped them down quickly and then got to her paws and stretched out. Her ankle felt good, though it remained to be seen how it would fare after a couple days of travelling. She just had to hope they would make good time back.

Thickfur look well, able to weight his injured shoulder and leg without much discomfort. She supposed their injuries hadn't been that bad at all – it was the shock of the attack, and of seeing Thickfur lying motionless, that had really worried her. The grey tom noticed her looking at him and dipped his head in acknowledgement. His version of a smile.

"Let's go say goodbye," said Dawncloud, "and see who wants to come with us."

They followed the ledge out of their den and toward the main cave. The day was cool, the sun already hidden by a layer of clouds. Dawncloud enjoyed the wind ruffling her fur. She was glad it wouldn't be too hot on their trek. She tried to think about returning to ThunderClan and seeing her friends again, focusing on the good moments to distract herself from the nervousness pooling in her stomach.

Stoneteller was waiting for them in the Cave of Rushing Water. The rest of the Tribe lingered around him. Some of them were in the back of the cave, watching from afar, while others were closer to Stoneteller and the entrance, and they nodded in greeting to the Clan cats as they walked in. Dawncloud's pelt prickled from all the eyes on her.

"I suppose this is it," said Stoneteller.

"It is," said Dawncloud. "Thank you for your generosity. The medicine, the food, the shelter… we are in your debt."

"Yet you still want to take some of my cats with you," said Stoneteller, mildly. It wasn't an accusation, just a fact.

"Yes," she admitted. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important to the future of the Clans. If any of them want to join us, we could use the help in our fight."

Stoneteller nodded, and then looked around at the Tribe. "Well?" he asked. "If any of you wish to assist ThunderClan, I will not stop you. The Clans are our allies. Help them in their fight, if you choose, and return to the Tribe when it is over."

Dawncloud's heart was in her throat as she looked over the crowd. A few cats looked at each other. Beetle was near the front, her eyes shining, but there was no way she would be allowed to come. Squall was there too. He gave Dawncloud a regretful look. A few moments of silence passed. Blaze was sitting in the back of the crowd, staring them down, looking so much like his brother with the resentment on his face. And… her heart skipped a beat as she noticed that Elmheart was nowhere to be seen.

No one stepped up. Dawncloud tried to hold back the sadness. She had known this was a strong possibility. Yet she had hoped… with a sigh, she looked back over to Stoneteller, not sure what to say. How would she admit her failure?

"Wait," said a voice from the back of the crowd. A blue she-cat pushed her way though to stand in front of Dawncloud. It was Heron. "I'll come."

Dawncloud had not expected that. She dipped her head. "Thank you."

Thickfur grunted, nodding to Heron as she joined their patrol. Dawncloud shot the she-cat a tentative smile. It was better than nothing – and, quite frankly, better than what she had expected. Even one extra set of paws could make the difference, and from what she had seen of Heron so far, the Tribe cat was quite competent.

"Welcome," mewed Alderthorn quietly. "Here, I brought extra herbs."

"You all care so much for ThunderClan," Heron murmured as she accepted the packet of herbs. "I want to help."

Stoneteller waited a moment, but no one else spoke up, so he turned to Dawncloud. "Is there anything else?"

"No, Stoneteller," she replied. "I suppose we'll be on our way now."

"Travel safe," he said, as a way of ending it.

"Take care," she replied, and then she cast a sweeping glance over the rest of them. Take care of Elmheart. Then she nodded one final time to Stoneteller and turned away, and just like that, the patrol was on their way.

They were quiet as they made their way down the ledge, perhaps all processing the morning's events, and finally accepting the knowledge they would be leaving without Elmheart and Blaze. Dawncloud tried to stay positive, looking out over the beautiful mountains and to the grasslands below. The three of them had changed from their few days here, and they would go back to ThunderClan stronger than before, ready to defeat the Dark Forest.

Suddenly, an unpleasant feeling entered her mind, and it took Dawncloud a moment to realize it was not her own unhappiness, but Sootclaw's. The grey tom was angry as he spoke: We need to talk about Russet.

X

A/N: Sootclaw and Dawncloud are overdue for a conversation, I think. Dawncloud has had it too easy so far this book. As far as Elmheart and Chantelle go, we'll get to see their conversation either next chapter or the one after. I'm also going to try to put some more conflict and action in the next few chapters! Dawncloud's ability to solve problems with words and empathy is great but let's also have some fighting, you know?

IronDirewolf - Thanks! I hope I can do Sootclaw's reaction justice. I am also excited to have a conclusion (and very nervous).

coolcat02 - Hi! Welcome! Wow, I'm honoured to have a new reader who loves the books! It's really cool to know that Dawn and Thick's relationship still shines through years later.

Aly - You've been pretty accurate so far, I'm excited for your future guesses!

Thanks for reading and please review!

- PV :)