Hello everybody!

It has been a long time, hasn't it? Did you think I had forgotten about Kevin? Never!

I am ready to dive back in and I hope you are too!

Enjoy!

Chapter 23

After Christmas, life got… easier. More bearable. I suppose you could say our one-year anniversary had closed a door on my past. I had come to accept Marvin's advice and forget my family, or as much as I could forget. My memories remained, but I stopped drawing comparison between my old and new life. Chicago, my parents, siblings and friends were history. Harry and Marvin were here to stay. I might as well accept it. And they weren't so bad.

I am rationalizing all this long after the fact. In one year, I had been forced to grow up quickly and adjust to my captor's pacing, but I was still a child. All I knew was that the less I thought of my family, the easier it was to stand Harry and Marvin's presence. And the less I brooded and cried, the more Marvin smiled and joked and the more relaxed Harry was. All good signs in my book. So I pushed the memories of my old life to a corner of my mind and replaced them with new ones, such as this first Christmas. And Zeus. I'll never forget that dog.

In the few short days Zeus was with us, he brought me much needed happiness. He'll always be a good memory. And I don't forget to whom I own it. Harry and Marvin were no animal lovers; Zeus was proof they wanted to please me. How could I hate them for it? From Harry and Marvin's perspective, this holiday had been a great success. My bout of depression in early December had been dealt with; there had been no crisis, no tears, no tricks and no attempts to run away. A good holiday.

Harry and Marvin weren't the only ones encouraged by the good vibe our Christmas had left, so was I. More than anything, I clung to the promise of a better future. And maybe Marvin had not been wrong; if I tried, then maybe our little family would work itself out. I wasn't ready to call Harry or Marvin "dad" anytime soon, but we weren't strangers anymore.

Things ran smoothly for the rest of the holidays. Harry and Marvin returned to work between Christmas and the New Year, but since I had Zeus to keep me company, it wasn't so bad. Those were the best days I had had in a long time. So much so that by the time the New Year came around, I was tentatively looking forward to 1992. A new beginning. I had no idea, what my future would hold, but I hoped the bad days were behind me.

Harry and Marvin didn't make a big deal of the New Year, but it didn't keep me from being in a good mood. I usually am around that time of year. As for my captors, I think they usually would've partied with their palls in Chicago. There were plenty of festivities in town, including fireworks, but Harry and Marvin stayed home. With me. They didn't have to do that. They could've gone on with their lives without a care for me, but they didn't. As I said, Harry and Marvin weren't so bad.

Earlier that day, Harry had shown me how to make New Year soup, which turned out to be a tasty lentil soup with pancetta topped with cheese and sausages. I had never had lentils before, but Harry said they would bring us good luck. It sounded nice! I sure could've used some extra good luck. I had also helped Harry make rosemary and garlic focaccia bread. I came to love that bread and would beg Harry for some every few weeks. He would complain about it being a hassle, but would usually comply. Harry is very proud of his cooking skills. He didn't have many weaknesses I could exploit, but I learned how to pull that string.

Marvin had bought sparkling wine for the occasion. I was not allowed to have any, but he gave me Sprite in a flute so I could toast the New Year with them. It wasn't alcohol, but it was special. After a walk with Zeus, I had settled in front of the television to watch the countdown while Harry and Marvin played cards.

I could've chosen any channel, but I landed on the one live from Time Square in New York. It might've made Harry and Marvin nostalgic because they slowed down their game to watch with me.

I had seen pictures and news coverage of Time Square before, but there was something different about that year. I was mesmerized by the crowd; the energy, the smiles, the laughter, it was beautiful. It wasn't like a sporting event, there was a sense of community. It might've depressed me, had I not remembered a promise from long ago.

"Harry, when will you take me to New York?"

There had been no mention of Harry's promise since our move to Canada. I wasn't even sure he had meant it.

"New York? Do you know how far that is, kid?" Marvin replied. "Why would you want to go there, anyway?" he asked, throwing a card down on the table.

I almost scoffed at Marvin's question. Who wouldn't want to go to New York! Besides, I was much more interested in hearing what Harry had to say. Harry was the one who had promised. He appeared to be concentrating on his hand, but I could tell he had heard. So why wasn't he saying anything?

"You said you would take me, remember?"

I was beginning to fear Harry would deny promising anything when he answered without looking at me:

"Yeah, I remember."

Maybe I should've wondered why Harry didn't elaborate. Since he had remembered, it had to mean he would keep his word, right? When Harry didn't say anything else, I insisted:

"When are we going? Soon?"

Harry put his cards down to swirl his sparkling wine in his glass while looking at me thoughtfully.

"Not yet. When you're older.

– How old?

– Older."

I recognized the warning in his tone and stopped pushing. Harry had promised. I should be content with that answer. For now. So I switched tactics.

"When we go to New York, can we go there?" I said, pointing at the television.

"There? You mean Time Square?"

This time, Harry sounded amused, and I felt confident to add:

"Yeah! To watch the ball drop!

– Who said we'd go over the holidays?" Harry replied, but he was still smiling.

"Can we? It would be the best Christmas ever!

– New York? During the holidays? Are you nuts!" Marvin laughed, equally amused. "And just so you can freeze your ass on the street, waiting for a stupid ball to drop? Now does that sound fun to you?

– Hey Marv, did you look out the window lately? New York is warmer than around here." Harry remarked.

"Which is why we're smart and in here, where it's warm, and not out there! Take it from me, kid, the real party isn't on the street."

It was too late for Marvin to try and talk me out of it; from then on, I had my heart set on celebrating the holidays in New York one day.

"Can we go, please? We could go see the Christmas tree too!

– The Christmas tree? Which one?" Marvin cleverly replied, fuelling my questions on purpose.

"You mean there's more than one?

– Take your pick, there's the one at the MET, the ones down Park Avenue, the one on Lincoln Square…" Marvin listed.

"The kid probably means the one at the Rockefeller centre." Harry correctly assumed.

– When we go to New York, I want to see them all!

– Kid, what is it with you and Christmas trees?" Marvin laughed.

"How can you have a Christmas without a Christmas tree, Marv?"

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the New Year, maybe it was just for a chance to see me smile, but Marvin decided to give me something to look forward to, declaring:

"Hear that, Harry? Looks like next time we go to New York, we'll be spending the holidays over."

I beamed at him.

"We will? You won't forget, will you?" I sought Harry's confirmation.

Marvin could make big declarations all he wanted; Harry would have final say. I was young, but I already understood as much.

"You won't forget. So I won't forget either." he, however, replied, to my delight.

– You promise?

– You'll behave?"

I nodded. Anything for a chance to go to New York!

"Then cross my heart, one of these days, we'll take you to New York for the holidays. When you're older."

When they wanted to, Harry and Marvin really weren't so bad.

The holidays had been great, but they had to end one day or another. To me, that day came when Marvin took Zeus back to his girlfriend. I had always known this arrangement was temporary, but saying goodbye broke my heart just the same. To both Harry and Marvin's relief, there were, however, no tears. As much as I loved Zeus, I had no tears left for him. I had outgrown tears.

I was also able to handle Zeus's departure with such calm because I didn't think it would be forever. As most children, I had an entitled sense of ownership. I didn't think of Zeus as belonging to our neighbour. Over the holidays, he had become my dog too. The way I saw it, Marvin's girlfriend was bound to leave town again, and when she did, I would get Zeus back.

After moving to Canada, I had expected us to settle for good. Even if this wasn't my ideal home, I was ready to set down some roots. Like any kid, I imagined the future as an extension of the present. Life as I knew it would go on, forever unchanged, which meant that Marvin would keep dating Mylène and she would lend us Zeus once in a while. I already pictured Zeus spending every holiday with us, and maybe a week or two over the summer.

Life was looking bright for the first time in a long time.

The only cloud on the horizon was Marvin's girlfriend.

It was no secret that I did not like Mylène. Until Christmas, I had not cared much about her, but my indifference had turned to resentment once I had to give Zeus back. Not only had I lost my new friend to this woman, but Marvin was still spending several nights a week at her place. Why should she enjoy both Marvin and Zeus' company while I needed them so much more? It was unfair. She was unfair.

It was irrational for me to blame this woman, but when you're nine years old and have lost as much as I had, you tend to become a bit irrational. And I couldn't blame Marvin. I didn't want to blame him while we were going through such a good phase. Blaming his girlfriend was easier.

"Abba, why can't Zeus spend the day here?"

Marvin liked it when I called him Abba. In fact, it didn't take me long to realize that I could easily get my way by using that four-letter word. I was careful not to use it all the time, and saved it for when I needed to butter Marvin up.

Did I know what the word meant? I might've had a hunch, but as long as no one came out and said it, it's as if it didn't count. I wasn't betraying my real father. That word didn't mean anything to me. If Harry and Marvin could be manipulative, so could I.

"Cause he's Mylène's dog." Marvin replied with hesitation.

"But she's at work all day. Why can't Zeus stay with me? Please, you could take him back in the evening."

My request seemed perfectly reasonable. It didn't make sense to me why Zeus and I both had to be alone in our respective houses instead of keeping each other company.

"That won't work, kid. Forget it.

– Why?

– Mylène said no."

Typical Marvin. Let someone else take the blame for making me miserable. I can now tell whenever he's lying, but back then, I didn't make much of his shifting eyes and the pitch of his voice.

"Why? I took good care of Zeus!" I protested.

"Marv's girl knows that." Harry stepped in to save Marvin's ass, as he would so many times in the future. "It's not safe for you to be alone with an animal, that's all.

– I stayed with Zeus before!

– I know, and I didn't like it."

Which was true; when they had gone to work over the holidays, Harry had been reluctant to leave Zeus in the basement with me. He had only relented after Marvin had warned him that Zeus might bark and attract unwanted attention if he were left upstairs while I was in the basement.

"But Zeus-

– Is a dog. An animal. And a big one. It could turn on you." Harry explained.

"No he wouldn't…" I argued, but without much conviction.

"Nobody wants you to get hurt, Marv's girl least of all." Harry replied smoothly. "It's her dog. She would be responsible."

There was much more to that explanation than Harry let on. It was, however, believable enough to keep me from questioning it. I no longer brought it up, reminding myself that there would be other opportunities for Zeus and me to play together.

But there never would be.

So I kept on disliking Marvin's girlfriend, holding her responsible for my loneliness. Other than that, my days were terribly uneventful. They were so similar to one another they all blur together in my memories. Winter made way for spring, though you could hardly tell by the snow on the ground and how cold it was.

I remember it so well because it was around springtime that I caught what I first thought would be a lucky break. It all started one evening when I was alone with Harry. Marvin had left for his girlfriend's and I had resigned myself to watching television. Who could blame me for being bored with television after watching it all day? Harry wouldn't ignore me anymore, but the closest he ever came to playing with me was giving me Italian lessons. I enjoyed those, but sometimes, a kid just wants to play.

In a last attempt to save the evening, I had taken out a deck of cards and tried to persuade Harry to play a few hands with me. Over the holidays, Marvin and Harry had initiated me to gin rummy, and I had taken to it. Playing without Marvin would make things less interesting, but it would be a game. Harry was, however, going over their budget, and so my chances of success seemed limited. When I heard the car in the driveway, I was overjoyed to see Marvin was back. Now we would have some fun!

I barely listened to Harry mocking his partner as I dragged Marvin the kitchen so we could play cards.

"What happened? Did your girl finally come to her senses and kicked you out?

– Verry funny. She didn't kick me out; I left.

– That's a first! What gives?

– Mylène is sick. She caught the flu that's been going around." Marvin explained as he came to sit by my side. "What are we playing? Gin Rummy? And how many times will you be washing the dishes if I win again?"

Marvin did not seem particularly worried about his girlfriend, or annoyed at the idea of not seeing her for a few days. I did not recognize the signs, but Marvin had grown tired of her. He had probably only stayed in this "relationship" as long as he had because there weren't many other eligible women in town.

I didn't care; her loss was my gain. I wasted no time in shuffling the cards. I didn't have Marvin's flashy moves or Harry's speed yet, but I did not lack enthusiasm and didn't drop that many cards.

"You left? You mean you didn't stick around to take care of your girl? How romantic!" Harry teased while I distributed the cards.

He wasn't judging Marvin for his lack of empathy. Harry probably would've been disturbed had Marvin acted any different.

"Mylène is a big girl. She can take care of herself."

I was with Marvin on this. I'll admit I took a selfish pleasure in hearing his girlfriend would be out of the way for a couple of days. We would play cards and dominoes. I was also ready for more advanced sleights of hands. Marvin had promised to show me how to incorporate them to our card games. This would be great! Just great! And it was… until Marvin got the flu himself.

It would be reasonable to assume he had caught the flu in town, or at work, but I blamed his girlfriend. I just knew this was her doing. Another reason I felt justified in disliking her.

So there were no games, no distractions, not even jokes. Whenever Marvin gets sick, he goes down quickly. I don't remember my father being sick often, but when he did, he mostly slept. Marvin goes through something more drastic; he morphs into a bear. I feel this is a well-deserved metaphor, as Marvin tends to drape himself in layers upon layers of blankets.

It's quite something for a child to witness a grown man slowly drag himself around the house, hunched over, wrapped in his dressing gown and blankets. It might be funny if a pale-faced Marvin didn't forgo talking altogether, expressing himself in grunts and moans. Not to mention the smell. Marvin doesn't reek of sweat, or anything dirty, but of alcohol. He believes in curing the flu the old fashion way, which is by downing glasses of brandy every few hours. So when the flu comes knocking, all is left of Marvin is this walking bundle of blankets who doesn't speak and smells of brandy. Do I need to mention that Marvin is no fun to be around when he's sick?

They say parents don't get sick days, and, as Marvin soon found out, neither do kidnappers. At nine, I was old enough to understand Marvin was sick, but would still demand his attention, and was annoyed when he wouldn't respond or shooed me away. He spent days at home, and I was angry with him for keeping me locked up in the basement while he was upstairs, passed out from fever or not. At least he remembered to give me some ice cream whenever he had a bowl himself.

Harry was just as annoyed as I was by this new development, though for different reasons. The moment Marvin went down with fever, Harry kept his partner away from us, or more specifically, from me. He would shove Marvin out of a room if I were there and would threaten him if he didn't stop coughing.

"Out! You'll get your germs everywhere!

– I'm sore from lying down all day! I need to stretch my legs!

– Go stretch them outside.

– It's fucking cold out! Have a heart!"

Harry does have a heart, he just doesn't like being obvious; he wouldn't let Marvin feed himself with Lipton soup and made him real chicken soup with anise and little stars. Every morning, he would slice up an orange and take it with a glass of apple juice to Marvin so he didn't have to get up.

It went on like this for a few days until the inevitable happened. I got sick too. As much as Harry had tried to shield me from Marvin, it had only been a matter of time before I caught the flu. We lived so close to each other and as a kid, I wasn't concerned about germs or washing my hands. So I fell sick.

At first, I didn't associate my symptoms with the flu. Even after everything that had happened, I still thought of myself as invulnerable and ignored the signs. I put the stiffness in my shoulders and neck on account of playing too much Gameboy and shrugged it off. My throat was next, but I mistook its itchiness for thirst, and was confused when, no matter how much water I drank, it would not go away. It was when the itchiness turned to ache that I finally realized what was happening to me.

It's probably revealing that my first reaction to something as common as the flu would be fear. I did not forget how Harry and Marv had discussed killing me the last time my health had failed. I didn't want to be sick, I couldn't be sick! The memory of my mother crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it. My parents were not there. No one was. Well… Marvin was upstairs, but was sick himself and didn't answer when I called out to him.

Taking a cue from Marvin, I wrapped myself in blankets and sat directly in front of the fireplace, dreading Harry's return from work. Harry had shown he wasn't cold-hearted, but he wasn't prone to the tender loving care I craved. After witnessing how he had belittled Marvin for getting sick, I feared his reaction.

And his gun.

By the time Harry came home, I had chills and no energy left to play pretend. I, however, didn't tell him anything, hoping Harry wouldn't notice I was sick. As if I could fool him! For all of his faults, Harry isn't half as self-absorbed as he lets on. It was either my flushed cheeks or glazed eyes, but Harry immediately sensed something was off and felt my forehead, frowning. It didn't last long; he took it off, almost right away, pushing me toward my bedroom:

"Bed. Now." he ordered.

I was all for going to bed, had I not seen Harry head for the stairs. And just like that, my anxiety returned in full force.

"You're leaving?"

Harry could've gone to get his gun, but strangely, that's not what had frightened me. My fear was much more primal; Harry had found out I was sick and he was leaving! He was leaving me and I would be left all alone! Why was everybody always leaving me?

Harry must've heard the anguish in my voice, as he walked back to me:

"I'm going to the drugstore." He explained. "Go to bed, I'll be back soon."

But I didn't go to bed. I stayed where I was, chills running through me, waiting for Harry's return. It sounds stupid, I know. Clearly, Harry would come back. He lived there, didn't he? And he wouldn't abandon me while I was sick, but in that moment, I had my doubts.

For all their talk of us being a family, I still had a feeling my captors, and especially Harry, viewed me as a nuisance. There was no talk of affection between us. Our family had been built on violence and fear, not love. I didn't realize it, but before meeting Harry and Marvin, I had grown up surrounded by love. This love is where I believe I had drawn the strength to survive home alone for days and the courage to challenge Harry and Marvin. After having it stripped away from me, I had developed what I can only describe as a fear of abandonment. And this fear resurfaces stronger than ever when I feel vulnerable or sick.

This would explain why I almost cried upon Harry's return from the store. I was so happy I tore myself from my place before the fire, dragging my blanket behind, to greet him.

"Kevin." he gently scolded me. "What are you still doing up? I told you, off to bed."

Harry was frowning, but there was no anger in his voice.

"You came back." I whispered, my voice hoarse from my aching throat.

"Course I came back."

Harry didn't snap at me. I believe he might've been disturbed by the nature of the anxiety I was displaying.

"I told you I would, didn't I? Why would I lie?"

To my nine-year-old self, there had been nothing logical about his return. I had learned the hard way that grown-ups sometimes left when you least it expect it, when you're too much trouble to be bothered with, and when they did, they didn't come back. I was too young to express these intricate fears. They were more feelings than articulated thought, but I still managed to mumble:

"Some people leave and… they don't come back."

Harry didn't need a degree in psychology to realize I was talking about my parents. He and Marvin never addressed my fear of abandonment, though they are aware of its existence. They might've even fed it, consciously, or not. This fear has subdued over the years, but never went away. It is another bond that links me to Harry and Marvin and makes me reluctant to leave their side. It sounds crazy, but fighting insecurities that deeply rooted without proper support is near impossible. And it's not as if Harry and Marvin are about to encourage me to rise above those fears.

In this instance, I'm still impressed by Harry's ability to find the right words in response to my fear. He spoke them with such gravity that they are forever engraved in my mind:

"Kevin, I'm not like those people. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I'll come back for you. Always."

Was he being kind, or plain manipulative? I'll never know for sure. And maybe there is no black or white answer. I so wanted to trust and believed he cared. Actions spoke louder than words, didn't they? Harry had come back, whereas my family…

"Now put on your p.j.'s." Harry recommended. "I'll bring you something warm to drink and some syrup, then off to bed."

I didn't question Harry. Harry was an adult; he would know what to do, a reasonable assumption that had been far from the truth. Though I had landed with my captors over a year ago, Harry was still new to this parenting thing. In the past, he had dealt with my broken arm, but the flu was different. Unlike broken bones, a fever can be unpredictable. And this time, Harry couldn't call on Charlie to help if things got out of hands. As much as I imagined Harry's brother as this all-powerful being, working in the shadows, I seriously doubt he could pull strings in this town in the middle of nowhere.

Harry and Marvin were on their own.

Looking back, I can tell how aware Harry was of this fact. Judging by all the medication he brought back from the drugstore, I would say it made him nervous. From children's Advil, to cough syrup, sore throat lozenges and Flintstones vitamins, Harry waged a war on my flu. Anything to keep me from going to the hospital.

So Harry took care of me and, to his credit, he did it well. Marvin helped, but he was much better at distracting me than administering medicine. While Marvin told me stories and improvised silly puppet shows with socks, that normally would've made me roll my eyes, Harry monitored my temperature every few hours. He took the pharmacist's recommendation to heart and gave me gallons of this hydration solution that tasted like blue raspberries to keep my hydrated instead of ice cubes or Gatorade, like my parents would've. And something tells me that stuff wasn't cheap.

Harry's attention did not stop at the medication. Every day, he would change my bed sheets and made sure I had fresh pajamas. He wouldn't let Marvin give me brandy, but he brought me hot toddy before bed. When I woke up in the middle of the night, coughing, it was Harry, and not Marvin, who would get up to give me syrup and stayed with me until I fell asleep.

Harry might not have known how to soothe me like my parents would've; he didn't hum lullabies to help me fall asleep, rubbed my back, or cradled me when I was shivering with fever, but he was there, just as he said he would. He stood by my bedside, without complaints, no matter how tired he must've been, and for that, I am grateful.

I don't know how long I was sick. It was a hectic few days, though I don't remember much of it. While Marvin was recovering from the flu, Harry held their business afloat, took care of me, not to mention took over the chores and errands. That was a lot to handle, so it wasn't surprising that the stress got to Harry.

"I need you back at work tomorrow." he announced one evening, "I've delayed the town hall job as much as I could, and we can't lose that contract."

– What about the kid?" Marvin objected. "Mylène said-

– You didn't tell her the kid was sick, did you?"

Harry still didn't like it when Marvin told people about me, even those that already knew I existed.

"She's a nurse; she asked how he was doing.

– He'd be fine if you hadn't given him the flu!

– She gave it to me!" Marvin protested.

– Yeah? And who let her in our lives!"

The accusation hung in the air. It might've served as a catalyst for what followed because the next thing I knew, Marvin and his girlfriend had broken up.

Marvin didn't tell me about the breakup. He must've told Harry, but not me. He probably thought I was too young to understand. After a few weeks, I, however, noticed Mylène wasn't mentioned anymore and that Marvin didn't go to her place. At first, I thought she must be really sick, but the flu doesn't last weeks on end.

"Is Blanche in the hospital?"

I didn't ask out of concern as much as curiosity.

"In the hospital? What makes you think she needs to go to the hospital?

– You haven't seen her in a long time.

– She's not sick, kid. We're through.

– Through?

– Yeah, I'm not seeing her anymore."

As much as I didn't appreciate our neighbour, I didn't understand why Marvin would stop seeing her.

"Why not?

– Cause… Enough is enough. Women can get clingy over time. Don't let them." Marvin preached. "You gotta know when to cut them loose."

He didn't sound too heartbroken to see Mylène leave his life. There might've even been some relief. I won't lie by saying their breakup didn't sound like good news, except…

"What about Zeus? Can he still come over?

– Sorry kid, but it doesn't look like it.

– But what if Blanche leaves again?" I asked, clinging to some hope. "Can Zeus stay with us then?

– That's not how it works, kid. Best to stay clear of your exes."

Disappointments were a part of life.

And I've had my share of disappointments over the years.

I tried to look on the bright side. Spring made it easy to stay positive. Harry had promised we would have a garden and we had started on some seedlings in the kitchen. I would check on them every day and would water them, perhaps almost drowning them. I had also helped Harry select where we would dig our garden bed.

I had projects.

A future.

What really kept me busy, however, was my new secret mission. I was working on persuading Marvin to take me on errands with him in town. Over the weekends, he would sometimes take me out for a drive. We would mostly keep to the back roads, but I loved it. Being out of the house was more than a change of scenery; it was like reconnecting with the outer world.

Sometimes, we would pack some snacks, string cheese, chips or granola bars and parked near the highway to watch the cars drive by. No model escaped Marvin's knowledge. I could point at any of them and Marvin would list its features. He taught me the names and makes and years of all the cars. We had so much fun it is what I suspect inspired Marvin to bring me my first model car kit. Those kits fuelled my interest in cars and my friendship with Marvin. The first model he bought me had simple snap-together pieces, but we worked our way up to the super detailed kits with moving parts.

Harry thoroughly approved of this new hobby, a quiet hobby, but frown upon our drives together. I remembered Marvin's promise from Halloween and kept my head down, careful to behave so as not to give him any reason to stop taking me. I was confident that by summer I could persuade him to take me to the ice cream parlour in town.

Things were looking up.

And what better time for disaster to strike than when things are looking up?

None of us saw it coming. After all, there was nothing special about that day. It was a weekday. I don't know which day. All I know is that Harry and Marvin were at work. I was taking an afternoon nap when I heard it, the sound of a car in the driveway. I didn't react, assuming it was Harry and Marvin. I stretched to look at the clock and saw it was early for them to be back. I remember wondering if that meant they were celebrating something and hoped there would be cake. And then came a sound. One I had never heard in that house, but recognized instantly.

The doorbell rang.

I sat up straight on the couch, my heart pounding. Someone was at the door! You'd think I would jump off the couch; that I would scream and pound the door until whomever it was heard. Here was my chance. How many times had I hoped for something like this to happen? So why didn't I move? Why was I so lost? So scared? You'd think my course of action would be obvious.

You'd be wrong.

Like watching a horror movie, everything is much simpler when you're standing on the outside, when it isn't happening to you.

Screaming did cross my mind. I wasn't stupid. I even opened my mouth, but no sound came out. My mind was filled with doubts, rendering me mute. What if this was a trap? A test? What if Harry and Marvin had set this up and were lurking outside, waiting to see how I would react? Ready to punish me should I fail?

Sounds paranoid, right? But what sounded more believable? That some stranger happened to come along, or a trick designed by Harry and Marvin? And how could I be sure whoever was at the door was a friend? What if this was Sid? He had shown up at the house in Chicago; what if he had followed us here?

The doorbell rang once more. I made my way to the window looking out the driveway. There was a car. I stretched my neck upward as much as I could, but I couldn't make much of what I saw. All I knew was that I didn't recognize that car.

I wasn't sure what to do, what to think, when something familiar crossed my line of vision. Four furry legs were strolling in and out of my line of vision. Relief flooded through me. This wasn't Sid.

"Zeus!" I called to him. "Hey Zeus! Come here, boy!"

The security bars in the window kept me from opening it, but Zeus's ears were sharp. He strolled back to the window, lowering his head to look at me. Cocking his head to the side, he seemed to wondering what I was doing down there, which brought a smile to my lips. He hadn't lost his ability lift my mood.

"What are you doing here?"

I'm not sure Zeus recognized me through the window, but he wagged his tail, and barked. I looked at the clock again, hoping Harry and Marvin would come back in time for me to play with Zeus.

When I turned back to the window, I jumped when I saw that Zeus's head had been replaced by a woman's face. It had been a long time since I had seen her up close, but I recognized Marvin's ex-girlfriend, Mylène.

As I stood there, confused and conflicted over how to respond, she waved happily at me. I didn't wave back. What was she doing here? When she spoke through the window, I had to muster all my concentration to untangle her French. Luckily for me, Mylène kept it simple:

"Kevin; is your father home?"

Upon hearing her use my name, combined with this question about my father, my brain froze. I stood there, staring at her, unable to get a word out. I didn't realize right away that Mylène meant Marvin and not my actual father. When I didn't answer, our neighbour looked concerned:

"You're not… home alone, are you, Kevin?"

I shook my head. I wasn't dumb enough to let a stranger know I was home alone. Something in my panicky reaction must've told her the truth, however.

"It's okay honey; you won't get in trouble."

The nickname did not soften me up. What the hell did she know? Now that Mylène had brought it up, I knew for sure that Harry and Marvin wouldn't want me to speak with her. What would they say? Oh, I was in so much trouble. But this wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault, but I would still be punished! I took a step back, looking fearfully around me, almost expecting Harry to jump out of nowhere to catch me red-handed.

"Can you let me in?" Mylène suggested. "I'll keep you company till your dad comes back."

I might've been abducted, but I was no more naïve than I was a year earlier.

"No!

– No? Why not?"

Locked up in the basement, I couldn't let Mylène in any more than I could get out, but I wasn't about to tell her that. I glared angrily at the intruder:

"Cause you're a stranger!" I spat in a clumsy French.

The woman first looked surprised at my statement. She seemed about to protest, but collected herself, and smiled a weak smile:

"You're right. You should never open the door to strangers."

Hearing her agreeing with me threw me off. She didn't want me to open the door? What did that mean? I watched Mylène rise to her feet and walk out my sight. Where was she going? I waited for her to get back in her car, and leave, but she didn't. Her car remained where it was. I craned my neck, trying to find Mylène, but I had lost her. I didn't like this, I didn't like this at all. What if she tried to break into the house? What if, just like Sid, she wanted to grab me while Harry and Marvin were away? Would she sell me to bad people too? I couldn't protect myself, I didn't have time, I didn't have any weapons!

I went from one window to the next, looking for our neighbour, but no sign of her. Was she trying to break in? The television, which I usually kept on as white noise, was distracting. I turned it off, listening hard. I couldn't hear a sound coming from upstairs. I did not find that reassuring.

Not knowing what to do, I ran to my bedroom to grab my slingshot. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it would have to do. I spent the first quarter of an hour like this, waiting, working on a plan. I didn't have many options; should Mylène break-in, I would pellet her with rocks, and escape. I had it all figure out. So what was she waiting for?

Another quarter hour went by before I let myself relax. Our neighbour should've figured a way in my now. Had she wanted to, she could've broken any of the windows upstairs, as they didn't have security bars. But the minutes dragged on and nothing happened.

After a while, I decided to sneak a peek out the window and saw that her car was still there. I had had time to calm down by then and I slowly began to wonder if I had been wrong about Mylène. What if this woman could help me? But would she help me? Tony hadn't helped. And she was Marvin's girlfriend. Or his ex-girlfriend. Could I trust her? And let's say I found her, could I even get through to her? My French wasn't so bad, but Marvin hadn't taught me how to express the idea of kidnapping or abduction. I, however, knew how to say "Call the police".

I was suddenly gripped with a sense of urgency. I had to find Mylène. I had to talk to her. I would worry about details later. So where was she? I pushed a table all the way under the window looking out the driveway and climbed on it before calling as loudly as I could:

"Blanche!"

I waited half a second before calling again. I had wasted so much time! Had I waited too long? But then Zeus showed up, sniffing around the driveway. I called to him and Zeus playfully barked before coming to the window. If Zeus was still around, then so would our neighbour. And so she was; Mylène, perhaps attracted by the barks of her dog, had come to investigate. Had she been sitting on our front porch this entire time? As soon as I saw her, I screamed:

"Blanche! Call the police!"

I don't think she heard the words, but my tone must've alarmed her as she hastened her pace. She was so close I could see her smile. Why hadn't I noticed how kind her smile was until then? She had almost reached the window, when she came to an abrupt stop.

"Blanche!" I called again.

But she wasn't looking in my direction anymore. Wait, what was she doing? I watched in dismay as she was turned around and walked down the driveway, Zeus on her heels. No! I grabbed the security bars and pulled myself up to have a better look and that's when I saw what had driven her away. The van! I could see the back of the van parked in the street. Shit!

I let go of the bar and jumped off the table. Harry and Marvin were back. How long had they been there? Had this been a trick all along? What would they say? What would they do? Looking at the table, I realized how it could betray me and dragged it in a hurry all the way back where it belonged.

As I worked, I became dimly aware of shouting outside. Shouting was bad. I thought I heard Marvin's voice, but it was drowned by a woman's. Mylène? I hadn't had the chance to tell her anything; why did she sound so angry? Had she understood what was going on?

I didn't have much time to muse over the situation, or even get my hopes up. I heard the front door open, followed by hurried steps upstairs. Shortly afterwards, the basement door was unlocked and Harry flew down the stairs, coming straight at me. I should've expected his anger, but somehow, maybe because I wasn't sure what this was about, I didn't hide or cower in a corner.

"What did you tell her?" Harry hissed, his eyes blazing with fury.

Without drawing a breath, his tone became accusatory:

"What the fuck did you do? And don't you lie to me, I'll know!"

I had forgotten how impressive Harry could be when he was angry. My eyes were drawn to his balled fist as clutched my slingshot and I stammered a vague answer:

"Blanche. She came over. Zeus was there…"

Harry didn't let me finish and grabbed my forearms, making me drop the slingshot. "What did you tell her, you little…"

His face was inches from mine. The threat of the pain to come should've made me bawl whatever Harry wanted to hear, but as was often the case where Harry was concerned, the opposite happened. I hadn't done anything wrong. Granted it wasn't for a lack of trying, but Harry didn't need to know that. I refused to be punished for something I hadn't done.

"I didn't do anything! Let go!" I protested, trying to pull myself free.

Somehow, it didn't convince Harry who pointed at the carpet:

"Nothing, huh? And what's that!"

I lowered my eyes saw the traces left from dragging the table to and from the window. Confronting by this damning evidence, I kept my nerves.

"I wanted to see Zeus!" I replied, defiant.

Harry brought up the backside of his hand, finally triggering my fear response. I recoiled in his grasp and closed my eyes, gasping:

"I just wanted to play with Zeus! I swear!"

I didn't know Harry well enough to realize he wouldn't have hit me. Not because he wasn't angry, but for fear our neighbour, who was still arguing outside, overheard me screaming. Besides, had Harry really meant to hit me, I wouldn't have seen it coming. I, however, hadn't picked up on that nuance yet.

When the slap didn't come, I cracked an eye open and saw that Harry had lowered his hand. I could tell he was struggling to get his anger under control. For a reason I couldn't fathom, he abandoned the scare tactic. He sat on the edge of the couch in front of me where he awkwardly ran his hands down the sleeves of my shirt to smooth out the creases his grip had left.

"Kevin," he began. Harry was trying keep his tone levelled, but it was still tense. "What did you tell that woman?

– You hurt me."

Refusing to answer Harry's question was a dangerous game that tried his patience, but I didn't care. How could he treat me this way? After all these months? After taking care of me when I was sick? My parents had always treated me more or less like an equal. They were my parents, but when they were wrong, they apologized. I expected Harry to do the same.

"Kevin, tell me what you told that woman." Harry, however, ignored the reproach.

When I didn't answer, glaring at his betrayal, Harry finally conceded:

"I didn't mean to scare you. You know you have nothing to fear; we're family, right?"

Harry hadn't apologized. He talked about being a family, but without apologizing for hurting me. I was just a kid, but could tell when something wasn't fair.

"Right, Kevin?

"Uh-huh…" but I didn't sound convinced.

"Remember how we talked how family is about trust? That woman out there, she isn't family, Kevin. She's a bad news."

That's what I had been afraid of, but the memory of Mylène's smile made me hesitant to believe Harry.

"Blanche doesn't look mean.

– She's not your friend, Kevin. She would take you away from us."

I tensed up at the news.

"Away? Away where?"

In theory, away could be good, but only if that meant going back home. I was so far away already; where would Mylène take me? I wanted to believe I had found an ally, but what did I really know about her? Besides the fact she had the poor taste of dating Marvin.

"Far away. With strangers."

Harry's answer was vague, but he sounded so sure of himself. Strangers. Not my mom, not my dad, strangers.

"Bad people?"

The fear Sid had instilled in me all those months ago was never far from my mind. Marvin would've understood what I meant; Harry just took "bad people" for what it was:

"Some of them are." he explained, gaining confidence. "They're paid to take children no one wants."

Children no one wants.

I didn't know what Harry meant; I had never heard of foster care, but it played right to my insecurities. I felt dizzy and held on to Harry's gaze as he continued:

"Marv and me, you know we want you to stay. Here. With us. We're happy, aren't we?"

Happy was relative, but I didn't need to hear more and found myself nodding. Strangers were not good, I decided. This was not an acceptable option.

"I don't want to go! Don't let Blanche take me away!

– I won't. Marv and I, we'll protect you, but we can't do that if you don't tell me what you and that woman talked about. Why was she here, Kevin?

"She didn't say." I nervously swallowed before adding: "She… She asked if I was home alone.

– You told her you were alone?"

A weird expression crossed Harry's face, part worried, part calculating. He was probably weighing the possible outcomes of that day. He didn't seem angry, which encouraged me to answer truthfully:

"No. But she didn't believe me. She wanted me to let her in.

– She did? And what did you do?

– I told her no. She's a stranger.

– I bet you did." Harry chucked to himself as picked up my slingshot before handing it back to me. "Ready to defend the fort, I see. What then? What did she do?

– She left. To wait in front of the house.

– That's it? You're telling me the truth?

Again, I nodded. So what if I skipped over my attempt at telling our neighbour the truth? Harry didn't seem angry anymore and I wasn't about to risk being punished.

"You did the right thing, kid. I'm proud of you." Harry praised.

"Is Blanche bad? Like Sid?"

My question took Harry aback. Although Marvin has used Sid to scare me, Harry never did. Sid is a jerk, but he's still his brother. Before he could find an appropriate answer, Marvin joined us downstairs. Unlike Harry, he didn't storm-in and looked upset. Marvin didn't often look upset and it put me on edge. He also didn't say anything. Silence, coming from Marvin, was never a good sign.

"Well? Is she gone?" Harry pressed him.

Marvin massaged his jaw and I noticed red finger marks on his cheek.

"About that; we gotta a problem."

AN:

First, I would like to apologize, not just for the long hiatus, but also for the content of this chapter. As mentioned on the Broken Home side of the story, I had drafted my plan for this chapter over a year ago, back when COVID-19 was on no one's radar. As I sat down to write, I became more and more aware how Kevin's flu was an uncomfortable parallel to our current reality. I therefore apologize if I gave anyone anxiety, that was not my intention.

With this chapter, I wanted to explore why victims of kidnapping often pass on opportunities to escape. How their captors come to wield such power over them that their victims become paranoid, fearing that their captors are always close, always watching and testing them. People's survival instinct, and not just children's, will often keep them from asking for help.

I also read a very interesting article on child psychology that explained how children expect adults to just KNOW something is wrong without them needed to say a word. They expect adults to sense they need help, because to a child's mind, it should be obvious. When adults, cops or whoever, fail to read the situation and help them, it reinforces the child's belief that everyone is working against them and is complicit to their situation. It found that very insightful. It also reminded me of an incident in my childhood that illustrated this. When I was in second grade, I went to a friend's house for the first time. It was summer and was very thirsty, but didn't say it. I was too shy to let my friend know I wanted a glass of water and expected her and her parents to realize what I needed. Since they were no mind readers, they didn't offer me a glass of water. After a while, I was so thirsty I left and went home, angry with my friend for not realizing I was parched. That was a very innocent scenario, and for years whenever I remembered it, I thought of how stupid I had been, but thanks to that article, I get it now. I can only imagine how helpless children victim of abduction must feel in light of my own childhood experience.

Harry's overreacting to Kevin's flu was inspired by my first job working in a drugstore. My colleagues and I could spot new parents whose child had caught the flu the moment they walked in the store, going straight to the pharmacist, drinking up her every word and adding everything she recommended to their basket. It was sweet.

I also don't normally do this, but having tried the Italian New Year soup mentioned at the beginning of this chapter, I had to mention what an amazing recipe it is. I shared it with my friends and family and they all raved about it. So if you want to try it out, I made the one from La Bella Vita Cucina's website. It was delicious and became an instant favourite of mine!

One of my resolutions was to write shorter chapters and update more often. As you can see, it didn't work, but I will keep trying.

Until next time, stay safe out there!