I hoped that the new day will bring more opportunity than argument. I was glad when breakfast and lunch passed in relative peace and there was some small talk. Then, everyone was getting antsy. It was easier to pack the children up (adults and little ones alike) and send them out the beach. Hawkeye found a spot away from the water and laid a few blankets down for all of us adults. BJ brought some beer. He passed it around and we drank as the foursome became little dots and then disappeared. I was not worried.

Nobody knew what to say. Someone said something about passing out more beer, but Charles put a stop to it. He muttered that still gin was the best remedy for what we faced. Hawkeye ran back inside for some flasks and returned with one for each of us, as well as a pitcher. We were in business!

It was soothing. It would make the whole mess of talking more bearable. Indeed, we all had things to say. Mostly, it was between me and Hawkeye. We could wait though. There was the ugly business about the pictures.

BJ started. "Jeanie, where did they come from? Those pictures and movies?"

When I took a deep breath, it came out shaking. "My brother Jeremy sent them. He and my other brothers didn't bother looking through them. They just tossed everything in a box and sent them to me."

"What do you mean, he did not check them?" Charles was aghast. "A gentleman should not send a care package if he has not taken a peek."

"They were pictures from after they left home," I explained. "They did not care. They thought I might have some memories of those pictures." I almost stopped myself. "I did."

Hawkeye crawled closer and held my hand. His other hand traced an invisible line from my left shoulder to my back. There was a long scar there, underneath my clothes. I could not remember where I got it from. To be honest, it had been there for as long as I had been away from Bloomington. When anyone saw it and asked me where it came from, I would make up some silly story about it. Even when I returned to Bloomington those few instances and saw Henry and Lorraine, they were curious. I'd tell them it came from running away with the circus or something outrageous like that.

"We know where this came from," Hawkeye said.

I wanted to know and I didn't want to know. I had a feeling all of these years that it had to do with Clarence. Every joke I made always had me searching in the dark recesses of my mind for the memory. It always came up empty.

"Your stepfather kept his home videos," BJ continued. He was so anxious that he took a minute to compose himself. "We did not know how vicious he was until now."

"He beat you when you were pregnant," Hawkeye said. "That was why you lost the baby. He wanted you. You fought him. He took out a whip and began beating you."

I closed my eyes. Before I lost the baby, there were many trips to the church to pray and little instances where I was home with Mom and Clarence There was a blank spot before I remembered being on Henry's front stoop and then, the hospital. Oh, I wanted to believe Hawkeye because his words rung true. But there was nothing to accompany them. I could not confirm it. I could not say that Clarence was that brutal.

But he was. He tried to control you and kill you.

"We can understand why you didn't want to tell anyone," BJ offered. "I was sick looking at them."

I opened my eyes. "Dad was the one who told me to keep it a secret. He and I planned to use them as fire-starters. I wanted them all to burn."

Hawkeye was startled. "Dad knew?"

"He did," I confirmed again, "and he was just as upset."

Nobody spoke a word for a few minutes. It was just as well. The waves were the responses we yearned for. Each one crashed onto the sand coldly and receded. It was like we were telling each other that life hit a dead end sometimes and always drew back for something better. All of us watched the action for some time. Talking about those pictures was done. Nothing else could be said and I refused to answer any other questions.

Charles was the first to pick another topic. "Jeanie, there is some good news."

"Oh, other than Frank Burns being locked away?" I took another sip of gin. "What could be better than that?"

"We've been approved for a clinic," Hawkeye said excitedly. "All we need to do is pick some land and build."

"Wait, what?" I pulled away from Hawkeye. "How did you know?"

"Dad told me," he revealed proudly.

I was floored. Dad was a secret keeper, but managed to make the slip to the one person I wished to surprise? This was the first time I heard he had said something when he wasn't supposed to. I knew Sidney informed BJ, Sherman and Charles. There had to be a reason why Hawkeye was in the circle and I sought Charles and BJ for the answer. The former offered me nothing except a wide smile and a toast.

BJ shrugged his shoulders. "He kind of had to. Mail was being sent to your house and there were only so many times it could be intercepted."

Hawkeye kissed the shock from my face. "Don't worry, Love. This will help. It's a good idea."

"You don't mind?" I inquired. "You don't care I did this for you?"

"Why would I be?" Hawkeye smiled. "I don't have to be away from home. People can come to me. I don't have a million arms."

A weight came off of my shoulders. The work Dad and I had done and all of the help we received paid off. Hawkeye was on his way to becoming the owner of his own clinic, right here in town. I was ecstatic. He was also not so angry anymore and it did not matter to him that I snuck behind his back. He understood the need to keep it under wraps until the dream was coming true.

It all changed…and all we needed was news about Frank and a shattering mistake on my part. I did not feel so burdened anymore. It was like we were together again, back in camp and working against the greater annoyances of the Army. Now, we had a solid plan and we had to work to make it more believable. I recalled making the cement floor for the OR and even working to ensure a good solider did not get dishonorably discharged because of who he loved. It was like those times of old, except that there was no Army in the way. We had our own rules to make.

"Jeanie, there's something else we need to talk about," BJ interjected. "It's about you."

My heart almost went to my throat. "What do you mean?"

"You have so many credentials as a nurse that we cannot see you sitting at home anymore. It's a misuse of your gifts."

"What? No. Absolutely not. How did you know?"

"I told them," Hawkeye said, "and I agree with Beej. Come back to nursing, Jeanie. You're wasting your time, staying home all day."

I almost punched him in the face and limped away. After all of the words we said in spite and the reconciliation we endured, Hawkeye had to butt in and persuade me to return to the medical field? I was done! The little I did was enough to keep me satisfied. The children always kept me busy.

But the question I posed to myself the last time I saw Sidney imbedded itself in my head. What if I did want more out of my life? Was helping Hawkeye just the thing I needed to find a larger purpose in my life? Was he suggesting another kind of partnership?

"Who will take care of the children?" I asked him. "I have to be recertified and that takes time."

"We will manage," Hawkeye said.

"What about the house? The people who come to the door?"

"I am sure everyone will understand. It has been worse in the past."

I ran out of excuses. "I'll think about it. Is that fair?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure." All three of them simultaneously reassured me that I was fine. "You can think about it."

I could sense that all three of them will be nagging at me in the future. I could not see what they did though. I always imagined myself in the years after being discharged. I didn't expect to have so many children, but I did picture myself a mother. Supporting Hawkeye for the past year the way I did was not what I wished for, but I didn't see myself making rounds like I used to. I was the matron in control of a household. The children were semi-behaved and clean and Hawkeye was happy to have me as his ornament.

Things did not go as I anticipated. It took some time for me to understand what my new role was and how the routine worked. I had to work in so many instances to earn my respect in the town. I made an enemy out of my neighbor and turned her into a friend. I built a powerbase for Hawkeye and dispelled concerns for Crabapple Cove. People trust me.

Charles changed the topic. "It's been an hour. Where are the little ones?"

"Now, I'm curious." Hawkeye got up. "Shall I bring them to you, Madam?"

"That will be nice," I replied.

Hawkeye and Charles decided to take the walk to the wetlands. BJ told them that he'd stay with me. He told Hawkeye that someone had to make sure I didn't use my ankle. This was accepted. I knew better though. BJ wanted to talk to me alone.

When Charles and Hawkeye were out of sight, he started. "Jeanie, you're a damned good nurse. Why won't you accept that?"

"Because I need to be as far away from it as possible," I pointed out. "I need a break."

"It's understandable. But it's been over four years now. The children are growing up. I know the twins are still young, but they can be cared for by their sisters."

"I feel like I've lost enough time with Shannon. I can't do this to the others."

"You're not halfway around the world, Jeanie! You're also not considered some traitor to the country. You'll be right in town. And I'm sure recertification in Maine will be simple. Hawkeye will be a help."

I said nothing.

BJ studied me for a moment. "You're different. You've grown a lot since leaving the Army. But I think Hawkeye got the hint. It took him a few slaps in the face."

I finally laughed. "I told Sidney that. He needs everything right in front of him before he'd confront it."

"We talked to him a lot, Jeanie," BJ admitted. "You were not the only person who was hard on him. Sneaking around is your usual mode of operation. We thought it was normal. Nobody knew what was going on until a couple of years ago. Margaret said something to Hawkeye and he snapped at her. It gave us a picture of what you were going through."

"You're sneakier than I am," I told him.

"I give up the crown to you," BJ replied. "No woman would have been able to mastermind a plan to corral the medical community and use her husband as its head. This could change Maine, Jeanie. You're right in the center of the state. Your example could mean a lot of these people."

"It's just a clinic," I protested. "There are many of them here. Hawkeye works out of one of them."

"I've read the documents and the agreement," BJ countered. "Your father-in-law actually negotiated to have Hawkeye put in control of Crabapple Cove. They morphed this into a new position. Hawkeye will be in charge of this region as well as the clinic. This is a business now, Jeanie. You're making Hawkeye answer to Portland and be one step from a position on their board."

"What? No." I was aghast. "You can't be right."

"I am," BJ confirmed. "Your idea put Hawkeye almost above his archnemesis."

"You've heard about Cochran?"

"Hawkeye has said enough. This guy definitely has a grudge against Hawkeye and you, by default. But his power will dim, Jeanie. If he's not popular here, then something will happen to show people that he does not have their interests in mind. You'll see"

"I'm sure." I stopped, seeing Charles carry the twins. "I think I'm being paged."

I reached for Danielle and Patrick. I regretted it immediately. Both of them were covered in muck. They were also wet and cold.

"I think we're going to need a bath," I announced. I looked at Charles. "Where are the girls?"

"Hawkeye has them," Charles said. "They're stuck in the mud."

"What?" I was startled. "Does he need help?"

"Oh, surely." Charles was oddly jolly about it. "He's stuck too."

~00~

We went home, only to find that it was close to dinnertime. Hawkeye was caked in mud. Shannon, Annabeth, Patrick and Danielle were no better and dripped sand and dirt all over the place. They also smelled rancid. Whatever was over there was a nightmare.

I contemplated finding a colored woman and ordering her food, but declined when BJ offered to make pancakes for dinner. I accepted the proposal and thought of how I was going to get a grown man and four children into the bathtub. Hawkeye solved the problem before I could. Promising me all sorts of things, he formed a parade and had each of the youngsters follow him upstairs. All the while, he got them to sing topsy-turvy songs, like "Jingle, Jingle, Jingle" and "Swinging on a Star".

Shannon was worse and changed the game. She competed with Hawkeye for who had the loudest voice. She also was singing songs she heard from her friends. One of the singers she was partial to was Elvis Presley. She tried teaching Hawkeye some of his songs at the top of the stairs, "Hound Dog". Hawkeye thought it was amusing and almost sang it out of tune on purpose, whimpering like a dog himself.

Charles had settled down to a newspaper. With looking up, he said, "He never changes."

"He has a reason to be childish," I pointed out as I found a comfortable position in my rocking chair. I picked up the medical journal left on the table, The New England Journal of Medicine. As I noted an article on chemotherapy, I added, "Who else is best at getting down on their level?"

"A degenerate," Charles informed me. "An imbecile. A jerk."

"So, we're back to silly insults ourselves?"

"You have to admit, Camilla, Lothario is quite the undignified class in and of himself."

"Well, Hawkeye has never claimed fame to style and taste. His comes from Nudists are Us."

Charles said something else, but I ignored it. I was intrigued by the article about intravenous infusions of bone marrow. Dr. Thomas talked about how patients underdoing chemotherapy and radiation for cancer were being given new life with the bone marrows. However, finding matches and donors is a tough task. Not to mention, they were using patients who were close to death because of ineffective radiation treatments.

"Hey, Jeanie!" BJ yelled.

I jumped and dropped the tome. "What?"

"I said dinner was up. Hawkeye is also all set with the kids." He served me my plate right there. "I'll get you a glass of orange juice."

I was about to say that dinner was always in the dining room, but stopped myself. Everyone was cleaned up and sitting anywhere they wanted. Hawkeye had pulled the high chairs for the twins into the living room and was feeding them pancakes. Annabeth was sitting by the fireplace with her book, reading and picking at her food with her fingers as maple syrup dribbled down her pajamas. Shannon already had her crayons and papers out as she ate, one hand on her colored stick and the other handling a fork.

BJ and Charles were less polite. Charles leaned from his position on the couch and left crumbs hanging all over the place. After delivering my glass, the cook was less decent, standing with no plate over his food and leaving a mess at his large clown feet.

All and all, it was disaster…and I loved every moment of it. It was classless, disorganized and chaotic. It was being together as a family and being so distant at the same time.

Everyone was also talking randomly. I don't know how many conversations I got caught up. Mostly, the doctors were trying to get me to talk about what I read in the journal. I was embarrassed actually. I understood what I had read and could quote it back and add my own comments. Charles coaxed me strongly. When he mentioned that cancer treatments advanced in leaps and bounds, I rebounded about what radiation had done and would further weaken.

When the twins were fed and freed, we all bounced around the idea of how to fight cancer. If bone marrows are now being matched by type, what will it mean to families? Will relations be eligible? Will someone from one part of the globe have the same reactions as another?

It was long into the night we talked and debated. By the time bedtime came for the children, we still did not tire of the topic. I had the twins sleeping at my feet before realizing that they needed to be tucked in. Hawkeye grabbed the small pair and I led the girls upstairs. After we returned, nobody knew what else to say. It was like the light went out.

Hawkeye put his arm around me and had me lean against him. "See? You can do this."

"It's a long shot," I reminded him. "They like unmarried women, remember?"

"Then, we're going to have to change it," Hawkeye said.

The concept was revolutionary here in Maine. Not too many married women worked or went to school. I knew very few, Peg and Margaret amongst them. House and family are supposed to be our main staples. What Hawkeye was suggesting was beginning to shake the fabric of society. It was almost akin to when desegregation happened, three years ago.

I was also annoyed. Charles intentionally instigated a discussion and drew me into my passion. BJ and Hawkeye just followed along. During the whole conversation, they urged me to ask questions and to bounce ideas off of them. This was an attempt to pull me back into their circle and I fell for it. I felt like a fool.

Dammit!

"You are not giving me a choice, are you?" I asked all of them.

The look on Hawkeye's face reminded me of a morning in Korea. It was just before Frank blew his top. We had been up all night in Post-Op, listening to the rain. It had been storming for at least four days and we were all getting pretty damned tired of the clouds and water. When we saw the sun peek through a window, we both ran outside to see it.

"Well, won't you look at that?" Hawkeye exclaimed as we danced under the drops. "The rain stopped."

It was unadulterated, childlike joy. Hawkeye had gotten a pure kick out of hearing me talk. But there was something else in his eyes. It was past his deep love for me. It was pride and respect. I was not some mother figure that bossed everyone around, kept order and discipline and made sure everyone behaved. For the first time, instead of the tug-of-war battle to see who was on top, he considered me his equal. I was his right-hand partner.

I kissed him. "All right. You all win. I'll do it."

BJ and Hawkeye whooped. Charles was just as excited and exclaimed his positive remarks. Someone ripped up some useless papers and threw them around the living room like confetti. BJ grabbed a bottle of red wine and poured it into four glasses. We toasted each other and to the new relationship with Portland.

"May it last longer than my cramped feet," Hawkeye finished. "For without the beloved Packard, I wouldn't be around Maine with sore feet."