Even if you're going to live three thousand more years, or ten times that, remember: you cannot lose another life than the one you're living now, or live another one than the one you're losing. The longest amounts to the same as the shortest. The present is the same for everyone; its loss is the same for everyone; and it should be clear that a brief instant is all that is lost. For you can't lose either the past or the future; how could you lose what you don't have?
Remember two things:
i. that everything has always been the same, and keeps recurring, and it makes no difference whether you see the same things recur in a hundred years or two hundred, or in an infinite period;
ii. that the longest-lived and those who will die soonest lose the same thing. The present is all that they can give up, since that is all you have, and what you do not have, you cannot lose.
(Excerpt from The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, book 2, chapter 14)
Alia watched the tall vampire who stared at her with a quizzical expression. The king of Colorado was of Chinese descent with some caucasian interference, his perfect face a fine sample of what a good genetic concoction could attain.
"A Brigant, uh?" Hu Ke Xu asked smiling. "What they say about you, is it true? And what about your scent?"
"If they say I'm good at what I do, they're right, sir," Alia answered with a little smile. "As for my scent, I heard vampires can't stand it therefore, as a form of courtesy, I refrain from using it."
The vampire bursted into a heavy laugh that filled the room and attracted some attention. "A delicious fae with a sense of humour… mmm… dangerous…"
"I'm quite inoffensive," Alia proffered seriously, "if not challenged."
"I think I like you," Xu countered with a light nod, "and in my kingdom no one will challenge you, lady Alia."
The fae bowed in turn and opened her mind to listen to the general mood of the little human retinue crowding the formal sitting room of the king's residence. Yet, the first feelings to parade in front of her were those coming from the vampire. They were a bit clouded but mirrored his words. Appreciation, amusement, determination.
Alia kept her face blank but a surge of apprehension enveloped her guts. It had never happened before to hear vampire emotional states so strongly, if not Eric's through their bond. Or a few stray thoughts. Just once or twice.
Leonard and Alia had arrived one day earlier and had already scanned all the human employees. Two seemed heavily glamoured and one was thinking to resign, but Leonard could not find more to dig into. Alia had mentally noted to check again, just to understand his colleague's reading level, and reliability. That night they had met with the king's counterparts in the series of agreements they were to sign. Synthetic foods and satellite surveillance.
Alia had thoroughly read all the drafts to know what to look for in the human staff surrounding the third parties, and their daemon lawyer. Nothing relevant emerged and she left the meeting room during a coffee/blood break to find the ladies room.
It was around two in the morning and she was refreshing her face when it happened. It was a sudden blow through her mind, almost blinding. Then a flow of thoughts, incoherent and jumbled. Mixed with feelings of boredom or hassle.
So boring… hope the way things are going changes soon… I don't understand what… keeping tabs on Nevada… though, her breasts are enticing… Nevada is really feckless, where does he put all the money… it's quite useless now… fuck, the robe was to loose to see her ass… why he needs to keep him afloat… maybe useful again… no smell at all…
Alia stilled. Those thoughts were not human's. Sharper and deeper than human's. Stronger. With a red flare, she could not describe in other words the sensation she felt. The clear image of Colorado hanging in between.
They were vampire's.
I'm back and dying to see you. Meet me at Dark Nights. 21h. Love, K
Alia had been in New Orleans more than a month and had not yet ventured into the neworleanian nightlife which, they said, was more lively than its day counterpart.
Usually she spent a couple of days a week in Shreveport, visiting her brother and nephews, and Pamela when her duties allowed her. Alia had also bought a flycar and had just finished her crash course in how-not-to-risk-your-life-and-others' (her niece called so her three-day premium course) while driving it. Mostly it was a take off/land training, given that the cruising part was entirely automated and the onboard computer checked in with traffic control system every few seconds.
Around nine'o clock Alia landed in the reserved parking area of Dark Nights and strode into the entrance hall with a burgeoning excitement that appeared in her face as a barely held back grin. Her outfit was Pam-approved although totally fae but, as she stopped at the receiving desk to ask for her friend's booking, she knew she was sticking out like a sore thumb. Pamela and her vicious humour would pay in kind for this little stunt.
"Aunt Sookie," said a dark blond man in his thirties, "miracles are a great invention!" He was taller than Alia by a few centimetres and sported a pair of warm blue eyes the same shade of hers.
Alia was about to ask his identity when her mind caught his following comment. "And you're more beautiful than I remember."
Immediately she felt the familiar mindprint of her cousin's child and ran into him with open arms. "Hunter, I… I… I think I'm going to cry for awhile."
"You grew up… so much!" Alia managed to say wiping her face and keeping Hunter in a tight embrace.
"It happens with time," he chuckled, and added, "Not to everybody, though. You should be a lively old lady by now…"
"And you a middle aged man," she retorted grinning.
"My wife takes care of that, Sookie," Hunter explained smiling. "What's your excuse?"
Alia gaped at the sight of the image Hunter was proudly projecting, and a little cough at her side made her turn.
"Enough, blondie," Karin quipped, "get your hands off my husband."
"Karin!" Alia embraced her friend and could not help to cry some more.
"What a weeper, you haven't learnt much with age," the vampiress eyes were swollen with tears but her grin said it all.
The rest of the night passed in a blur of memories and emotions. Alia offered her amended version of eight years in Faery, and Hunter recounted how he had met Karin and chased her merciless till she yielded, eighteen years ago. How Cataliades had helped him with his telepathy and taught all kind of techniques to burst his gift and shielding his mind at the same time. How he worked for his wife's maker and enjoyed greatly his job and the opportunities it gave him. In fact, they had just come back from Earth Three (a space station in a geostationary course around the Earth) and the experience had been mind boggling.
Hunter reminded Alia the joyful child she knew long time ago, and his freshness was overwhelming and contagious. As the joy between him and the vampiress.
"How long have you been married?"
"Ten years in a few months," said Karin.
"And we'll celebrate in an unforgettable way," added Hunter squeezing his wife's hand.
Alia smiled, even when dark tendrils of guilt and regret tightened her guts. She had experienced moments of joy in another life, but had refused to live them completely. What was wrong with her?
"I'm ready to be turned," Hunter announced staring at Karin, "and we'll do it for our anniversary. I don't want her to live without me!"
Alia had seen it coming but the concreteness carried by his words struck her deeply. Now her guts were experiencing a life of their own cramping with twinges of guilt. Tears ran through her face without her noticing them.
"Sookie, what is—" Karin started.
"I'm so happy for… for you two, it's… it's…" Alia stuttered. "Sorry." She stood up and left the dining hall in a hurry. Her legs were heavy. She found the ladies room in a lateral passageway and staggered inside. She paused leaning at the wall. Her face in the mirror looked lost. Like a kid on her way out of school finding out there was no one there to pick her up.
When she finally calmed herself Karin was at her side, silent.
"I'm sorry, Karin," Alia wiped her face clean as much as she could. "I don't know what happened. It's me, nothing to do with you."
The vampiress nodded.
"I'm sorry. I was fine," Alia tried to review her behaviour in hindsight, "then I felt I couldn't…"
"Was it the… turning thing?"
Alia shrugged. "I felt… guilt and…"
Karin hugged the fae and said, "It's ten years I'm asking Hunter to let me turn him. But he needed time. It's not a decision to make lightly…"
Alia's gaze was low.
"You needed time, but there wasn't enough…"
"I don't know, Karin," Alia said lifting her eyes, "and now it doesn't matter any more."
"I disagree, Sookie," the vampiress caressed her shoulder.
"I'm full fae, now," said Alia. "I'll live a long life."
"That's not the point, fae," said the vampiress, "it's the fact that after so much time you haven't yet come to terms with what happened…"
"Neither that matters any more… the past doesn't change. It's gone."
"It does. It always does," Karin took a towel and wiped the mascara smeared around the fae's eyes. "But you cry today then it's today's issue. The heart of the matter is what you want, and what you do with what you want."
"I've got no magic wand for changing people's feelings or actions," Alia snapped angrily. "It's not a matter of my sole will, I—"
"No, sure," Karin replied, "you do what makes you at peace with yourself now, other people do whatever suits them, possibly to find their peace of mind."
"Karin," Alia started, "the first problem is that I really don't know what I want…"
"That's a beginning. Now you know that you have to discover what you want today. Not yesterday or any other time. Today."
Alia watched her friend and asked, "How old are you?"
"Four hundred fifty one."
"Then, I have some time to catch up with you, uh?"
"No one has time to waste, not even long living creatures, 'cause we lose the same limited time, our present, for today is all we have." Karin smiled. "Spend your present to catch up with yourself, and by the way find out what it is that you want. For today."
After a while the vampiress added: "I lost a lot of time I didn't know I had to find myself. You're smarter than that and will do me the favour not to lose yours. I don't know how much longer I'll be around and I'd like to dine peacefully with you and my husband."
"I'm sorry to have ruined your night, I—"
"You ruined nothing but you make-up, fae," said Karin, "now let's go back to the table. You still have to taste that delicious dessert…"
Alia found out that working was a welcomed distraction from her head, and a pleasure in itself. Studying too. Learning what had happened during her leave in the little corner of the world she lived now was useful and fascinating, especially the way her godfather presented it. She devoted equal time and attention to browse through the history written by humans, the reports written by daemons, the documents signed by vampires. The world became a more varied and interesting place to live into.
The assignments coming from the court were mostly carried out with Leonard or Hunter, and often the regent of Arkansas or the king's second-in-command were present. The amount and variety of business the little vampire state was involved in astounded Alia and made her question the real extension of its reach.
"Dearest, do not confuse the limited geographical size of Great Louisiana with the wider interests of the vampire politics that originates from here. Vampires, as daemons and fairies, do think on a different plane than that of humans. But you already noticed it, didn't you?" Cataliades visibly enjoyed to spend some afternoons with Alia over a good meal and a generous glass of wine.
"Sure, but it seems a far-reaching programme, too wide to involve only this kingdom."
"In fact, this kingdom," the daemon avoided to name the king in personal conversations, "has many allies, co-partners, external collaborators, and even unknown benefactors. Louisiana, and a group of other American kingdoms well knitted together, along with some European and Asiatic kingdoms, is paving the way for a wealthy future that spans centuries and overlooks… planets."
"Fairies are collaborating with vampires?" asked Alia surprised.
"Fairies are long living creatures who want to seat at the main table tomorrow, as well as daemons. If vampires run ahead, it's better to be their allies than enemies. War is always harder and has the tendency to exhaust -in a definitive way- all the parties involved. Someone noticed that and tried to steer the helm of fae politics."
"Is that the reason Niall fell out of grace?"
"You tell me. You were there," challenged the daemon.
Alia blushed. "I was learning to be fae and stood out of the game, mostly."
"But I'm sure you noticed some… moves."
The fae hesitated. She had participated to several formal and less formal meetings, among fairies and other creatures (mostly daemons and humans), but had always focused on the topic at hand in the moment. Now that she mentally retraced the short history she had witnessed and lived, a sketchy scheme appeared in front of her. Braendon's faction, which had advocated closed portals, involved a small number of minor houses (mostly water fairies) and, as soon as he had died, the prevailing majority opted for a continuous exchange with Earth, and humans specifically. In hindsight, what that minority group had pursued was supremacy in Faery, over Earth and Sky Fairies. The main mistake Niall had made was listening to the wiles of that same defeated group and close the portals.
Discontent and unrest, even if muffled and underground, had been harnessed by Dillon, who had manoeuvred carefully to undermine Niall's power, leaving him with a shell of a throne. However, Alia could not see the exact role of Aengus in that strategy. His duty seemed that of a liaison officer with daemons and humans. But he had always been elusive about his commitments and Alia's little interest had not helped to see through them.
What was clear was that the Sky Fairies, even if formally bowing to a sort of democracy among the clans, had retained all the actual power. She had clearly seen it in all the interactions with fairies, daemons and humans. Yet, there was still something that evaded her picture. Was Niall really defeated? What about Dermot and his marginal role, if any at all?
"What I can say is that Niall stepped down, willing or not I don't know," said Alia after a lengthy pause.
"Interesting," the daemon mused, "is he regrouping, you think?"
"I don't know, but I would consider his defeat too swift and… not really fought on his part," said Alia.
"Some analysts say he's not definitely out, just stepped aside to better see his opponents and fight them from the back."
"Analysts?"
"What happens in Faery can have consequences in daemon business and vampire's too," observed Cataliades. "And your moves will be closely watched."
"My moves?" Alia sat straighter and watched the daemon. "I'm completely out and uninterested in fae little games."
"Oh, but fae politics is interested in you," Cataliades smiled and sipped the french wine in his glass. "This is the real thing, is it?"
Alia stared at her godfather. "You're not helping me, Desmond."
"I am, dearest," said Cataliades lifting his glass and watching through the red liquid inside. "At least I'm trying. But neither I know exactly what is happening in Faery. Observations, speculations, hypothesis, that's all I have."
"Now, is the lawyer or the daemon talking?"
"They're inextricably linked, Alia," offered Cataliades, "but mostly, we all need to know where to put our money, and understand whom we are working with."
Alia paused. Her thoughts swirled. Many voices all at once. She could not pick up a line to follow and her anxiety soared.
"It's me who decided to go to Faery, Niall didn't event want me around, you know," Alia proffered. "Do you remember that, don't you?"
"Dillon welcomed you, maybe plans were adjusted then."
"Would you like some more wine?" Alia poured wine for both, watching the dark red liquid sloshing gently around the sides of the glass. It seemed venous blood. It excited her.
"My child," Cataliades lifted his glass and watched the fae through it. "I didn't want to upset you. A toast to your new life here, let it be a journey of joy and love."
Cataliades clinked his glass against Alia's and drank avidly.
She paused with her glass mid-air, perplexed, with the incongruous sensation of a warm tongue licking her throat.
Alia suspected Diantha had a lover.
The little daemon showed less and less for dinner and appeared more perky than ever those times she stayed at home.
Alia had arrived in town almost three months ago and they had made a deal over their lodgings: the fae would stay at Diantha's when in New Orleans and the daemon would stay at Alia's when in Shreveport. In fact, the fae had rented a flat in the fifth floor over OnceWasFangtasia, courtesy of the sheriff of Area Five, and stayed there when visiting her brother.
The fae was back to New Orleans after a few days in Wyoming with Cataliades, for a daemon/fairy meeting, as assistant to Dillon whose title had become Appointed Delegate of the Triumvirate, meaning he was now the leading figure among all clans. Her grasp of the fairy political scene had not improved, but she had enjoyed a couple of interesting nights with a daemon of remarkable tastes.
Diantha was not home and Alia appreciated the loneliness of the afternoon, sunbathing in the garden and reading a contemporary novel. She did not like the story, nor the characters or the implied moral (more or less that a person could never truly change but only sink deeper into her flaws), but she was fascinated by the language. English had changed so much in forty years and tasted somehow foreign: the peculiarity of a living idiom. In the last eight or so years she had spoken mainly fae, the English language reserved to tantrums with her cousin and recurring interactions with daemons and humans. Yet she had not noticed how much it had changed, enriched and polluted by time and people. In a way it made her feel less stranger.
"Hello fae," a known voice, cold, unsympathetic, filled her right ear.
She was laying in a prone position reading on her tablet and, when tried to turn, a strong hand on the back stopped her.
"I could not make it to Wyoming and it's some time since we last met," Aengus whispered to her ear. "How are you doing, Alia?"
"Fine," she tried again to move, in vain. "And I'd be better if you let me turn."
"I think I like the view," replied Aengus feeling her exposed bottom with the other hand.
"Aengus," she hissed, "get your hands off."
"What?" Aengus frowned at the unusual rebuke. "It's twenty five days, almost three months for you, and you welcome me this way?"
Alia recalled their last time together, when he had accompanied her to the portal. They had had sex for an hour or so, at the foot of the tree that marked the access to Earth, his cousin's orgasmic farewell leaving her with a bittersweet aftertaste.
"Get off me!"
His hand squeezed hardly her right buttock. "Really?" Then his middle finger poked her anus. "Really?" Aengus repeated with a sting of annoyance, and slid his finger inside.
"I'm not joking, Aengus."
Her tone's coldness struck Aengus and he stood up, staring at her in disbelief. "What the fuck…?"
"What the fuck did you think? To show up and fuck me as if nothing happened?" retorted Alia sitting up on the sun-bed and fumbling for a towel.
"And what exactly happened, fae?" Aengus had stepped back and his cold voice sounded sharper than usual.
Alia regained her composure and opened her mind to read him.
He just lifted a brow and pursed his lips, with an inquisitive look. Then he shook his head sideways and disappeared in thin air.
"Idiot," Alia whispered, not knowing whom the adjective applied to.